If there's anything Japan loves, its "gentei".
"Gentei" basically just means "limited" - so limited time offer, stuff like that. Its not unique to Japan of course, in America we had lots of limited time offers as well. Thing is though, if whatever it was proved to be popular enough, it would transistion from limited time offer into a permanent staple. Anyone remember when the McDonald's Monopoly Game was limited time only? Or how about the "special" first week run of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?
...But not Japan. If Japan says gentei, they mean it - before you know it, it will disappear just as fast as Macaulay Culkin's acting career. I remember when I did my study abroad 7 years ago, there was a variation of a drink called Qoo - it was peach flavored. You must trust me when I say that this was the most delicious shit, ever. Ambrosia of the GODS level. As if Zeus himself came down from Olympus and was like "what's up guys, you gotta drink some of this shit, its the bomb!" I would buy a liter bottle from the nearby supermarket, and it would literally be gone within an hour. Both Americans AND Japanese would raid my fridge for a swig, and then I'd be left with an empty Peach Qoo bottle. Think about that for a sec - the Japanese, so reserved and worried about what other people may think of them, had no problems straight up jacking my peach drank. That's how ridiculously good it was.
When I came back to Japan some 2 years later, naturally one of the first things I did was to search for some Peach Qoo. But I guess it was gentei, as it was just nowhere to be found. There was Apple Qoo and Orange Qoo and Yogurt Qoo and Muscat Qoo, but never peach. I'd ask the store clerks too, and they'd just give me this funny look as if the stuff never existed at all. ...I'd bet good money that these selfish clerks were just hording cases of the shit in the back, and would indulge in Peach Qoo orgy baths after the store closed. After I left they'd just laugh and say "silly Gaijin, Peach Qoo is for Japanese!" Maybe I should have shown up with a baseball cap hiding my Gaijin features. If it worked for the Trix rabbit...
Much of Japan's gentei revolves around the four seasons. Of course. Because Japanese people love the "unique" and "special" Four Seasons of Japan. As if the Earth somehow rotated around Japan, and all the other unfortunate countries of the world are stuck with one bland mono-season (with my apologies to readers in places like Hawaii and Singapore that truly do have mono-seasons...). I find the "Four Seasons of Japan" to be a load of rubbish anyway - Japan really only has two seasons - "natsu" and "fuyu", which directly translated means "really farking hot" and "freeze your small intestines off cold". Now, there is like a week of transistional weather between farking hot and fatal cold, where the weather is actually decent. Perhaps this is what Japanese people refer to as Fall and Spring. I dunno, personally, when I think of season, I think of a period of time much longer than a week. I would much rather call Fall and Spring in Japan "Harsh Weather Interludes."
...But anyway, I digress. Japan's big on the four seasons, so of course this is linked in with the gentei - many restaurants change up their menu for winter, spring, summer, and fall, with each offering a special gentei seasonal dish. And as usual, that gentei dish is the most delicious thing ever, but the very nanosecond the season changes over, that dish vaporizes into thin air. Last summer, Starbucks offered a Banana Cream Frappuchino or something, and it was really, really good. I can still remember the day I went to get one mid-September and was sorely disappointed...
Me: Yeah, I'll have the Banana Cream Frappuchino...
Clerk: The what now?
Me: Banana Cream Frappuchino. You know, its got bananas...cream...perhaps some element of a coffee of some sort...
Clerk: ...I have no idea what you're talking about.
Me: The Banana Cream Frappuchino! I had one like two days ago!
Clerk (digging deep into the recesses of her brain): Oh...well, I still don't know about this drink you speak of, but that was our Summer Menu. We're on the Fall Menu now. How about a Chestnut Latte?
Me: How can you be on the Fall Menu, its still like eleventy billion degrees outside!
Clerk: But, its September, therefore it is Fall now. See, I wore my coat to work today. Fall.
Me: I don't care what season it is, I just wanted a delicious Banana Cream Frappuchino...
Clerk: I simply do not understand why you would want to drink what is clealy a summer drink, when we are now in fall. Don't the tastebuds of your tongue now yearn for Chestnut Latte?
And notice how this was last summer. I waited a year for that sucker to come back, but summer rolled around and the Banana Cream Frappuchino was never heard from again. Banished I suppose to the forbidden hell where left socks, television remote controls, and Billy Dee Williams all disappeared to.
Amazingly enough, despite Japan's committment to making gentei disappear forever, there is one champion, one beast who fought his way out of Gentei Hades and now walks among the regular menu items: the McDonalds Mega Mac. Yep, The Mega Mac. This monstrousity was so popular that McD's had no other choice but to add it to the regular menu. Not only that, but I guess to fill the gentei quota in the universe, they introduced other Mega burgers - the Mega Teriyaki, the Mega Sausage McMuffin, and even the Mega Mac with egg - for those of you who felt you just weren't dying fast enough. Even in America - poor, gluttonous, over-stuffed America - we didn't think "Hey, you know what this Big Mac is missing? Twice the meat!" But not only did McDonalds Japan do it, but the Japanese people ate it enough to break the gentei curse. ...How Japanese people remain so thin and live so long will continue to remain at the top of my Japan Oxymorons list for the foreseeable future.
***
One of my good friends here went back to America last summer. He holds a rather unique title of having lived in Japan for 3 years, but never having not even one Japanese girlfriend. He's a very cool guy, speaks great Japanese, and is as good-looking as a man can admit to another man being good-looking can be...but it just never happened.
During his final months here in the country, we were thinking of making him a shirt with "gentei" printed on it. The idea would be that he could tell girls that he was leaving Japan soon - thus the gentei. Seeing as how Japanese people love gentei, we thought it would make his stock skyrocket. We never got around to making the shirt, but I think it would have done pretty well, honestly.
Now, I'm all married now, so I can no longer indulge in such rampant acts of debauchery, but if one of you eligible bachelors out there, on your next girl hunt, would like to use the pick-up line "Hey baby, my dick is gentei.", and then report your results back here...well, *I* certainly would be very appreciative.
As always, thank you for the continued donations! Unfortunately, I didn't reach the target for the work story, so that tale will remain untold. But I will continue to update the site with other new content the best I can.
Again, thank you very much for the donations. Honestly, they help me to pay my rent right now.
GENTEI?! GENTEI?! That's what all the limited time only products are called? Darnit, Az, I was quizzing students for days and no one could tell me anything about why their country is making new products every 2 weeks. Some students suggested "kongetsu no aji" ant "hitotsu dake" but no one even came close to saying "gentei." As for a reason, all anyone would tell me was, "Japanese like new things." Baaaahh ... I gotta stop talking to people who can't speak English. Or get cracking on my own Japanese.
hmmmm
maybe i should try the gentei trick this year when i go to osaka.
that guy must've been stroking the one eyed snake a lot, or did he date other gaijin?
Az, You've posted this before. I know this has been posted before...
Somewhere, I've seen it. Delicious read all the same, of course.
My buddy tried the Mega Mac when we were in Japan this summer... he was so sick that night, lol.
FIRST!!!!!!!!
"If Japan says gentei, they mean it - before you know it, it will disappear just as fast as Macaulay Culkin's acting career."
how are you not making a career as a poet?
You're looking for a certain amount in donations to tell a particular story?
That just rubs me the wrong way.
Why not put up stories people want to read, get more readers, and hopefully make money that way.
Or break away from Rudius Media, run the site yourself like you did before, and keep 100% of the ad revenue. Wasn't your old site more popular than this one anyways?
Or stay with Rudius but use their sway to actually get a book deal.
FIRST!!!!!!!!
"If Japan says gentei, they mean it - before you know it, it will disappear just as fast as Macaulay Culkin's acting career."
how are you not making a career as a poet?
WHERE ARE THE PICTURES FROM YOUR WEDDING?!?!?!
I appreciate that you updated and all, giving me something OTHER than work to do at the office, but I WANT PICTURES!!!!
I wish you luck, from one broke guy to another. I can't remember where, but i once heard the quote," Smooth seas do not make skilled sailors." After you get back on your feet financially, you should be mentally prepared to go through the next great depression(will probably happen in america soon).
Hahaha, man, that's the best pick up line ever.
You can use this for leverage to obtain the hoarded Peach Qoo. They cant deny it exists now! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QGZTk3RUsU
AZ,
Quick question for you -- how were you able to land a job as an English teacher in Japan? I am graduating college next year and want to teach english abroad, preferably in Asia somewhere.
What about the wedding pictures you promised?
Hey! Singapore also has the heatwave and the monsoon season (the month where we have thunderstorms everyday!) :D
Bah... so the story of why your job was that bad that you had to quit and risk your last months pay will forever remain one of those things at the back of your mind that you will never know, but will always bother you whenever you think about it? You cruel bastard...
Seriously though, how did things go with getting that last pay check? And have you had any luck at all finding more work yet? I hope your boss isn't still being an asshole and not paying you, and I hope he doesn't give you a bad reference or whatever. The dude may be asking for one of the most brutal Gaijin Smashes of all time..
Best of luck with it all anyway, and we look forward to hearing about the wedding.
lol if your talking about gentei check this out
http://kotaku.com/5066911/the-gaijin-gaming-discount
nuff said.
yes i feel the pain of gentei when they don't offer my favorite bread at diners.
OK. Remember the novel 1984 by Orwell? You know where everything changes based on the needs of Big Brother: black becomes white, white becomes black and each time it was always thus? Well, that was the feeling in reading this one. No mention of pictures. Was there ever a mention of pictures? Naw, that was in an alternative universe. I couldn't even concentrate in reading this 'cause I was like, "So, what about the pictures?" Disappointing, my friend. Worse than not having an update? Having an update with no mention of pictures.
And careful, Az, you're approaching Sale of Soul territory with the bit about the work story. Either tell it or don't, but don't tie it to a funds drive. Pics, yeah, cause your space isn't usually about pics. But it is usually about stories so linking the telling or not telling of the story to a funds drive: not cool.
That said, I'm going to use your very funny gentei line with my girlfriend and see what happens. "Chin Chin wa gentei desu, baby! Better come and get it McQuick!"
Hi Az, are you still going to post your wedding photos?
The baseball cap may have worked for the Trix Rabbit (since all he was trying to hide were his long ears), but I think you'd have to go a step or two farther, which may not work out too well (I imagine a full body suit shaded in a Japanese-type flesh tone that makes your face look like it's wrapped in hosiery). The resulting look may end up causing them to call the cops rather than share the awesome goodness of the Peach Qoo with you (that is, if it's as awesome as you describe).
You've been gone a while again; did you find new work, or have you been enjoying your newlywed status?
There's a clothing store here in Baltimore called Gentei and it deals in lots of trendy pop-art type clothes. I guess I get the reference now.
Waaait a minute. I hope you're not trying to pass this off as new. I recall reading this over a year ago.
Congrats, my friend! I hope the reception wasn't full of mega-macs and sake...although, that wouldn't be so bad now that I think about it. Food drunk and drunk drunk? It's a win-win situation! Anyways, best of luck to you and yours.
Be glad you're not in America right now. Things are crazy over here with election nonsense :-)
If you want to encourage donations, you should post a little meter with what % you're at. Hope you can pay the rent! Lots of folks over here are struggling with that too, these days. There was even a big story about someone committing suicide over it.
I have read your blog for years and really enjoyed it. I was disappointed in this one though because to me it seemed like so much of a rerun. I didn't go through the archives and find the exact one, but I remember a post talking about the "gentei" limited and seasonal items before.
I do think it is an insult to your readers to offer them the story of your work ordeal then tell then they didn't give enough even though you admit it helped pay your rent. If you chose not to want to discuss it I understand everyone has a right to a personal life of course. I would at least like to know what happened with the last check since you were talking about that on the blog willingly.
No offense is meant and I do love your blogs and hope you continue to write. Sorry for posting anonymously, I couldn't get the link to typekey to work to create an account.
Roocat
As always a good entry. If I ever visit Japan, I will get a shirt with "Gentei" printed on it and let you know if it works.
hey az, have you posted up any of your wedding pics yet? i've been reading through some of the comments of the other posts and sounds like it may be posted up somewhere? anyone got a link?
I did a spell at Kansai Gaidai last year. The Mega Mac is actually one of my fondest memories (I actually can't remember the last time i've even been to a mc'e dees in AMERICA). I'm dissapointed that there's no posted pic of the deliciousness that is the Mega Mac, but thats why theres google image search.
Anyway, I hear you on the Gentei stuff. Maybe thats what keeps the Japanese economy doing well?
For those saying this is a repost... not quite. I've been rereading the archives recently and while there was a post about gentei a while back, it was slightly different. Still had the story about Az's friend leaving Japan, though.
We, your rabid and adoring fans, require sustenance, Az. :(
Didn't you already do a post about gentei?
Only it was more focused on condoms.
The idea that ANYONE is going to use 2000 condoms in 2 years is hilarious.
Forget the work story. Take up a collection and tell us about The Octopus.
hehe, I have been living in Japan and know exactly what you are talking about. it is as bad now that now when I have gotten back to my home-country my girlfriends friends ask for gentei-Moomin stuff (living close to Finland) and want me to send some of it.
trouble is, we do not care one little bit about gentei so no stores says what things are gentei and what things are not.
...
and Japan has way more than four seasons, at least if you visit shops. first it is Halloween, then it is Christmas (even though it is like beginning of November), New Years, White Day... and so on. and the settings in the shops change overnight... what do they do with all the unsold products??
The Mega Mac I can do without (I tried once when it was still gentei and I could barely get my mouth around it) but the Mega Muffin is awesome. THere's no such thing as too much egg.
My favorite gentei item was one of the myraid of Kit Kat flavors Japan is so lucky to have. Three years ago, they had a Maple White Chocolate Kit Kat. While the White Chocolate flavor is now a mainstay, the maple syrup kicker is gone forever, it seems.
And I hear you on the seasonal bullshit. My students always argue with me when I say "it's summer" in September, no matter how insanely hot it is outside. I've compromised by sticking to the equinoxes - that is, even if it's over 90 degrees on September 24th, the Autumnal Equinox has come and gone, so it's autumn.
No work story?
Well, I guess we know who doesn't care about us in this long, loving relationship.
I'm leaving. And taking the children with me.
Az...
I must say I am disappointed.
I donated to you 100 euros on 19 September 2008, which was at that time around 15k Yen. A bunch. And I did not collect anything. That was my very own personal money, and besides from being in financial trouble now myself, I gave it willingly, because I wanted to give you something in return for some years of splendid postings here.
Now you are asking people to donate for pictures and stories and you really think 15k Yen from just a single person is not enough to provide both some pictures from your wedding AND a little insight on a story you made us all curious about?? I wonder what other people donated; must have been some two sens...
I don't want to moan for the money; it is gone now, it helped someone at least a little, even if you must have come to think that now we are here to earn you your rent and stuff... And I hope for Karma to once return my helpfulness to me as well... But the least you could have done would have been posting these fotos you promised us all and tell us a little about how you are doing and whether you are alright. Instead you wouldn't post anything for more than a week after your wedding, letting everyone wonder if you're still alive, then you come back, ask for more money and what we get in return is a (I must admit, entertaining) story, we have all been reading some time ago with the very same words and the very same story about this shirt for this guy's penis????
You really can't be serious about this... Do you so much as care for your readers or has an absence of money let you gone insane?? It really is an entertaining story, but did you really think we wouldn't notice?? That's very sad. :(
I hope you will get a nice grip in due time... If everything that is going to await us here will be reheated soup then I cannot go on calling this blog project here one of the most entertaining and worth reading of all time, anymore... Sorry.
I would love to hear from you anytime soon. From you, not your reheating bot.
Kindest regards from Europe... :(
"As always, thank you for the continued donations! Unfortunately, I didn't reach the target for the work story, so that tale will remain untold"
NNnoooooooooooooooooooooooo
I can't believe that Peach Qoo left the shelves when I left Japan about 6 years ago. I've been dying to go back for it and my life is practically ruined now that I know I won't find it! Hope they at least still have that peach chu-hai I used to drink.
still wish they brought the Mega Mac over... but hell, someone would prob sue them for some stupid reason or another >_<
as for that banana cream frap, I know what you're talking about! Actually here (in Vegas) they still have that on the menu. If i could, i'd send ya one lol
In reply to Chris's comment {"Rubed in wrong way"}
I just want to say that I support Az's donations. Just think back in the old days when writers worked on patronage. This is exactly the same thing. If you like the stuff Az write, then create incentives for him to come up with more great stuff.
If you insist on doing a donations-for-editorials thing, why not make it so after you receive $500 (or whatever amount you decide) in donations, you post the work story, then at $1000, you post something else? Seems a bit fairer than losing an editorial forever because a certain unknown amount of dollars wasn't raised in a certain unknown amount of time.
Fulluphigh, you're probably thinking of "You Are What You Buy" from a year ago:
http://www.gaijinsmash.net/archives/post_1.phtml
He briefly described the Japanese love of gentei at the end of that post.
"Japan really only has two seasons - "natsu" and "fuyu""
So true. I've been here one month and I've found every day is either too damn hot or too damn cold.
And I TRIED a Mega Mac after hearing you talk about it, and since I PAID for it and I'm a student, I made myself eat the whole thing. Hi, two hours of lying on my bed, groaning in pain.
Really, I think when something is too big to actually fit into your mouth, eating it is probably a bad idea.
Man, there was Peach Qoo here? I would kill to try that stuff, the Apple Qoo and Orange Qoo is delicious. Tokyo has everything, so maybe I'll be able to track down some Peach Qoo.
And I don't know how America doesn't have the Mega Mac...Canada has it, its been on the menu for at least a couple years now. The only difference is that its called the Double Big Mac.
Could your friend be gay? I'm sure there are gay gaijin somewhere in the Land of the Rising Sun, and perhaps he's just not telling you.
Strangely enough, McD's over here in Serbia introduced the Mega Mac about a year ago too. I don't know a living soul who can eat it, but it's still on the menu, although I wouldn't mind if they filed it under "Gentei" too...
I hope you're not trying to pass this off as a new article... cuz that would be lies.
It's a great article, but saying it's new would make it sour.
Where them pictures at, dude?
Az, i'm really really really sure i have read this before. Surely, you aren't recycling old blogs?
Heheheh, I remember the Mega Mac; they have it in South Korea too. And lemme tell ya, it completely *blows* the rest of the McD menu out of the water. It has more cheese, more meat, even a different type of sauce (and I *swear* I tasted sour cream in there)...it's just awesome and win at the same time.
And I'm not sure if I just kept nailing them during a sale or what, but I was getting Mega Mac meals for 3,000W (about $3.30 at that time) each time I went to the McDonald's at Seoul Station, when the regular Big Mac was going for about 5,000W...needless to say, I took the upgrade. ;)
I hope you at least gave the people who donated the story. What you are doing now is terribly lame. Either put out a book so we know that we can pay a certain amount and actually get a product or do something to increase your ad revenue. But asking people to pay per story like this is AWFUL.
I didn't donate anything but this whole thing about pandering for money is getting old. I don't understand why you had the wedding to begin with if you knew you would need help paying your bills. I know it doesn't really matter, but I am done with this blog.
Hey Az. You should find the kanji for gentei, slap it on a shirt, and put a link to one of those stores that sells it to raise a few bucks. I'm sure you can figure out MS Paint enough to slap together a graphic that looks decent enough for one of those t-shirt sites...
I bet that someone would buy them and the word isn't even in my dictionary, so it's not like most of us could make them ourselves...
Az, as a fellow ALT teacher (but in the States) who absolutely loves her job (though that part isn't shared, I suppose, haha), I've always loved reading your blog. Always. From the facepalm moments to that little owl you received so long ago, I've felt you could compact so many of my experiences, feelings, and passions with your natural hilarity and pop culture references.
But I have to agree with other readers when I say that this last entry's ending disappointed me. Offering up wedding pictures for donations was fine, of course, because we all knew how hard you were taking it with the wedding plans, the job move, etc. But this really felt like you're just milking us for donation money and guilt-tripping us for not helping you "enough".
Remember that most of your audience are college students/fellow ALTs just scraping by, and what little we did donate was done out of the kindness of our hearts and our appreciation for you taking the time to share with us your entertaining experiences. None of us is made out of money, least of all your readers. We've all been through hard times, but baiting isn't the way to go about it, especially if you don't "hit your target". How much is one story worth, in dollars? I just don't like the questions these things raise. Surely there are other ways for you to make a steady but fortunate small income on the side without making your readers feel like bad friends.