I love my wife. I just...hate her fashion.
I have been told that Japan is a leading country when it comes to fashion. And I suppose that it is fairly easy to spot a lot of cute and trendy girls walking around. At the same time a lot of the fashion here...just sucks.
I'm not even going to get into the extreme fashions. Y'know - gothic lolitas, visual kei, that kind of stuff. It would be easy to write pages and pages on this stuff and file it in the "Japan's Weird, Didya Know That" file, but honestly, I'm not going to hold this against Japan. I'm sure every country has its own fucked up fashions, and America is no exception, not by a long shot. (*Ahem*emo*ahem*)
When I speak of sucky fashion, I mean the type of fashion that looks a lot like the girl got into a fight with a Salvation Army...and lost. Like she's suddenly been thrown out of her house and had to resort to wearing everything she has in her closet. Or when she woke up this morning, she found that her entire fashion collection had been replaced by a crate of burlap sacks. Big, loose, baggy, layered, balloony, clothes. I believe Maddox called them "Tit Curtains".*
*Which apparently means that this horrendous fashion has made its way to America as well. ...Do I even have a reason to go back now?
My wife actually has a great figure...you just wouldn't know it under the potato sacks and layers of clothing she hides it under. I'm not talking about wearing anything flashy or slutty, but when I look at this fashion, really the only thing I know about the person is that they're human. Probably. The female figure is a thing of beauty, and covering it up like that is a cardinal sin I say! Imagine Da Vinci taking the last brush stroke of the Mona Lisa and then throwing a dirty old curtain over it and calling it a day. That's how I feel about this terrible fashion.
Sometimes we have discussions/arguments over it, and she's always quick to point out the fashion magazines that tell women that this look is "hip" "trendy" and "in the now." ...As if I needed more proof that fashion magazines are written and compiled by Lucifer himself. And besides ladies, why are you listening to other women for fashion advice? Granted, I may be male and have all the fashion savvy of a slightly-aged turnip...but I know what I like. And I don't like seeing women in tents and draperies and what not. And ultimately ladies, who do you want to impress? Other women, whose cattiness and jealousy levels are profound, and if they so much as perceive you to be better in any way shape of form than you they will proceed to systematically tear you down until there's nothing left but an empty shell of what you used to be?* (I know the truth, I've seen a few episodes of Melrose Place). Or do you want to impress men, the gender that you will (probably) date/marry, perhaps depend on to some extent for financial support, and the gender that will let our second heads cloud our judgment as we do you favors, buy you drinks, and only give you warnings for traffic offenses? Seriously ladies, think about it for a minute here.
*Y'know, come to think of it, its entirely possible that women realize that these fashions are ugly, and recommend them to make other women ugly. And women willingly accept these fashions and know that it makes them not as attractive in order to not incur the wrath of the Female Collective. Perhaps the layered style and potato sacks are women's form of camouflage. ...Goddamn I'm glad I was born male.
So my wife and I have these discussions/fights, and her ultimate conclusion is "If you're going to be so noisy about what I wear, then the least you can do is help me to go shopping!" ...Shopping. *cold chills run up my spine*. Even if I were to sit here and try to compile a list, I can't think of many things I hate more than shopping. If I were to try and personify my hatred of shopping, it would probably take the form of Hitler dropkicking puppies while holding a stereo that blasted out "Kidz Bop" CD's on infinite repeat. Holy crap on a crap cracker, I really hate shopping. Shopping IS hell. Pure hell. When I die and go to hell*, I'm fairly certain hell's just going to be a Macy's department store.
*For those of you wondering why I'm convinced I'm going to hell...read through the archives for a little bit.
I feel like shopping is made worse in Japan. Considering how much I hate shopping, saying that is almost skin to someone saying "Hey doctor - we've somehow found a way to make root canals even MORE painful!" But Japan, God bless her, has yet again found a way to achieve the impossible. The women's floor of a department store (at least, the ones I get dragged to) are all divided up into several smaller, individual shops. Each shop plays its own canned "trendy" music, often including some repetitive recycled beat played at volumes louder than appropriate.
Given that Japan is an over-populated country to begin with, within these cramped little stores there's literally nowhere where I can stand where I'm not in someones way. And that's just during regular times - if there's a sale on? Forget about it. The floor is packed with Japanese girls - from high school level to old women, but no matter how old they are or how much education they've had in their lives, their entire language set is reduced to "kore ga kawaii!" - "this is cute!". There's nothing for me to do, there's no place to sit*, I can't even stand somewhere without being in the way, the annoying wanna-be techno-pop beats are giving me a headache, at some point I'm going to be relegated to the role of a human clothes hangar, and every five minutes my wife turns to me, holding a brand new potato sack, saying "Isn't this cute?"
...I wish for the sweet release of death.
*Why in the hell are there no chairs?! A place to sit, that's all I ask. Isn't it common fucking sense to drop a chair down in places where people will be made to stand and wait for extended periods of time? I mean, doctors offices, bus stops, government offices - these places all have chairs. Do the owners of these stores somehow magically NOT see the poor sap guy just standing around and wishing a stray arrow from the Middle Ages would suddenly pierce him in the skull? I mean - even the electric chair - it's not an electric plank or an electric footstool - it's an electric chair! We're putting a man to death, so the least we can do is give him a chair to sit in, right? Shopping may not physically kill me...but a precious part of my soul dies every time I'm dragged to a department store. Every fucking time.
I try to humor her by lying and saying it's cute when really, I'm thinking about how this $400 dress would be great for keeping my gym shoes inside. But she can tell that I don't really like it and then she gets mad at me for some unexplained reason. This happens at home too, when she puts on the dirty Mexican pancho and ties her hair in that top knot - that completely irrational top knot that seems to say "Hey, look at my forehead here! And check out this awesome lump of hair I have atop my head now!" And then she asks me "How do I look" and when my face looks a lot like I've just eaten a lemon that made its way down my digestive tract and just kicked me in the balls from the inside, she gets angry. If you know I don't like it...then why are you doing it and asking me about it?! I know she doesn't share my love of fighting games, so I don't drag her to the video arcade and get all pissed off when I do something cool, such as activating Guile's Ultra through Zangief's Banishing Fist*, and she doesn't look like she honestly genuinely cares. Why can't I get the same courtesy in return?!
*Yes, that is me playing Street Fighter IV. ...Yes, I am playing Street Fighter IV. Yes, it is unfair for you who don't live in Japan and can't play it...but it is totally awesome for me.
You know what the best part is though? When we spend HOURS in a store, and she leaves eventually having bought...nothing. Nothing! "I couldn't find anything I liked." And it took you HOURS to figure that out? How in the name of sweet Betty Rubble does that happen? This shit doesn't fly for anything else, does it?
Jack: Hey Bob, how's that steak I cooked for you? Delicious?
Bob: I'm not sure yet. Let me eat all of it and let it digest for awhile, and then I'll be able to tell you if I liked it or not.
Women will call this "fun". I call it a "complete waste of time." How do you enter a place where things are sold, look at items that are for sale...and then NOT buy anything?! I can already hear some women complaining at me now - "You say that, but then how can guys go to strip clubs and look at naked women performing sexual acts and then NOT have sex with them?" My answer to this is simple - put out more. We go to strip clubs because we are hungry, and while we may not be able to eat the steak the least we can do is look at it and imagine how delicious it is. Are you women hungry for clothes? No, you have clothes, and if you really wanted more you could always just buy them instead of spending hours looking at them. You buying that cashmere sweater isn't going to end up in you losing half of everything you own in a divorce settlement. ...Probably.
The funny thing about shopping though, is that sometimes you see another guy, another poor cursed soul in the same unfortunate position. Some girl is happily darting between racks with the guy at least 5 paces behind her, weighed down by her purse and at least an armful of clothes she's eventually going to put back. In America, if I ever made eye contact with one of these guys, we totally had a Guy Moment™. It's like, we know nothing about each other, have never seen each other before in our lives, and probably will never cross paths again, but in this one moment, this one singular and unique moment in the universe, we are suffering, we are suffering the exact same pain - and we understand. No words are exchanged, none have to be. It is an incredible moment of male bonding, one I fear only other guys will truly understand.
I've had this Guy Moment™ here in Japan with other Japanese guys, and that to me is something really incredible. In addition to being perfect strangers, we also come from different backgrounds and cultures, but none of that matters. Our eyes meet, and then...we just understand.
...But not always. As my wife loves to point out, quite a few guys are right there with their girlfriends, helping her pick out outfits and browsing outfits of her own. I always have to point out that these are pretty boy Japanese guys, and therefore don't count as real men.
Her: See! Look! That guy is shopping with his girl!
Me: Okay, see, I'm not like that.
Her: Why can't you be?
Me: Sure, you could have a guy that enjoys going shopping with you...but then he'd take longer than you to get ready to go out, he'd probably come home late everyday, expect you to have dinner ready right when he expects it, and then every now and then you could have brief and unfulfilling sex, that is if he isn't too busy paying schoolgirls to let him get his rocks off.
Her: .......
Me: You can't have your cake and eat it too, sweetheart.
You know what the even funnier thing is? These guys are picking out clothes that are not only form-fitting, but fairly revealing as well.
...JAPAN, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO BACKWARDS?!?! *huff*huff*pant*
...Okay, I'm better now.
So, we're supposed to be going shopping this weekend. Sigh. Maybe if she would actually take my advice on clothes, and then let me take them off happily later, I wouldn't mind so much. Now, it simply looms ominously in the distance, like a shark fin on the ocean horizon, and I just happen to be wearing chum cologne. I'd ask you to pray for me, but I fear its already too late.
I have been asked about the donations link. You can find it on the main page of Outpost Nine (www.outpostnine.com) or just PayPal to azrael@outpostnine.com. As always, nothing expected, everything appreciated.
wimmen b shoppin - chris rock
Az, I grew up with my mom, and a sister that is 11 years older than me. I got tricked all the time into going shopping with them. For instance, when I was looking forward to buying the new sonic the hedgehog game for the my SEGA GENESIS as a kid, I made sure that my mom and sister were only going to the game store so I could buy the game, and then leave the mall. They assured me, twice... until we got into the car. On the way I could hear satan's crackled voice slipping through the slits in their teeth... "I forgot to mention, we are going to check out some other stores as well."
What would follow next is three to four agonizing hours walking around the mall looking at clothes they would never buy, and the ones they happened to enjoy I was used as a pack mule to carry everything. I thought they outlawed forced child labor in the states, but I guess some things slip through the system.
Is that you playing SFIV... or you LOOSING at SFIV ? harharhar.
Oh well, now we know your youtube account, get ready for billions of comments.
I remember a few years ago when left-field Japanese fashion dictated that sexy mini skirts be worn over jeans, or knickers.
Dark times...
Ah the potato sacks. If there's one thing I don't miss about Japan, it's those and the gaudy beady way-too-dangly jewelry.
Oh and lest Japan make you forget, the "shopping for hours to come up with nothing" thing totally happens everywhere else in the world...including, somehow, where there are no shops for women to frequent.
My strategy (at least in Japan, sadly not possible in the States) was to wheedle a ramen shop run into the mix...just to dull the pain.
i know what you mean / feel, i was to those kind of malls several times ...
goind with a woman for her shoppings = worse time spent
Is she still going with the drapery-look now? In melt-the-skin-from-your-bones August? I'm amazed at the number of layers my wife manages in summer, all the while complaining that it's too hot.
PS - I know you're in the Osaka area, can you tell me WHERE I can find SFIV? I live in the 'burbs and I don't know where to begin looking for new, hot arcade stuff. Do I have to go all the way to Den Den Town?
(Az's Note: Yeah, there's an arcade close to Namba Station on the edge of Den Den Town, Sega Avion, that has it. A lot of fierce comp too.)
Welcome to married life Azrael-san! You've just discovered "compromise", the one thing that has kept me single for years. I wish you luck.
Welcome to marriage. I spent 4 hours in an outdoor market in Thailand with my wife and her sister this past weekend. That shit'll make you pray for death, Sho Kosugi style.
Sometimes you can only understand something if you just understand it. Fashion, art, video games, Guy Moments™; some things just can't be taught.
Incidentally, as a woman, I like fashion, art, and video games. I may not qualify to have Guy Moments™ (what with my anatomical structure), but I may get what you're talking about, especially when I go shopping with my closet-gay father and vain brother. Oy vey. You can say in my immediate family, the genders have swapped for those who like to shop.
Good luck, az. Good luck.
Az,
Women buy clothes, makeup, and other fashion accessories not to impress men, but to scare women away from trying to take their men. It's a way of saying "Hey, I'm putting THIS much effort into keeping him, so go find your own chump!"
We keep pretending we're civilized beings - we're just plains apes that are playing a collective game called "civilization". All those instinctive behaviors are still there...
Absolutely true, depressingly true, and yet... hilariously told.
I'm sorry, but Chum Cologne... I'm going to be remembering that for years to come.
Thanks, Az. You rock.
I'm married, and I'm RIGHT there with ya. (Okay, I'm right here in the States, but spiritually, I'm standing right there. Screw it, you know what I mean.)
I also detest shopping, so I started making clothes while living in Japan. The thing that got me started was a very tall husband for whom shopping for clothes in Japan would be entirely futile rather than just tiring and boring. Anyway the point is that in Japan loads of women are into crafts and making and adjusting their own clothes, bags and accessories. The fabric shops are busy places!
Advantages - you can make things that fit, pick your own styles and colours, and what's more make things that your husband says are OK - cos he's the one in the house while you are stitching so gets to advise and tell you if it is safe to walk out of the house dressed like that. It would be really hard to make anything that cost 400USD even if you used utterly fantastic fabric. Furthermore you get to spend the day relaxing at home while she stitches rather than in pain pounding the streets and being a clothes hangar.
One thing that is odd that I really noticed when making my own clothes is you don't have that mysterious security you get buying something in a shop with a label. I guess it is that approval from who knows who that makes people think they look OK when actually they are wearing potato sacks. The one that gets me is the wearing of a delicate flowing frock over a pair of jeans. Not only is it a horrible clash of styles but it looks so hot. Do you understand that one?
Wait? SFIV is out over there already? WTF! Why couldn't have been released when I was there last month?! Anyways, happy to hear from you again, AZ.
When I go shopping with my mom, we (more she than me) would spend 2-4 hours looking at stuff (and having my mom yell at me because I don't even bother browsing through the clothes good enough)...and not buying a single thing. Well, sometimes we'd buy one thing or two, but almost never over three. Just thinking about those 2-4 hours wasted make me a little sad knowing that I could have been doing something better.
It was even worse when I went to the mall with my mom (because I couldn't go with my friends for some reason). She'd then yell at me for not going into specific stores... So now I try to avoid going shopping for clothes as little as possible unless I need something.
One more thing: I am a female.
Poor guys.
I don't think I'd ever do something like that to my boyfriend. I hate shopping for clothes(and yes I am a woman). Personally, I prefer buying games and manga ;).
Guys, good luck with carrying the bags. You'll need it :P.
The fashion industry is run by gay men. Consider the implications of this.
the long waiting has finally been rewarded with another goodie.
nice post az!
Ugh please don't lump all women in with the shopaholic bimbos. There are plenty of women, like myself or my mom, who dislike shopping as much as the men who get dragged along. These types of women already know what they want/like when they go to the store so they can get in and get out quickly. I hate shopping with friends because they always want to try on every little thing... you can tell just by glancing at the clothes rack that it's ugly so why try it on?? Since you want your wife to wear different clothes and she wants you to participate in her agonizing shopping spree, have you considered just picking out some stuff and giving it to her? If she complains you can get mad about her ignoring your efforts or something.
Ahaha, you still lost to Zangeif.
I hate shopping with a girl. I feel for you, man.
Argh. I hate that and I've also heard the same strip club argument exept it was about admiring cars in the street, which is even more retarded.
Whenever my husband goes shopping with me the first thing he does is plunk down in a chair and take out his Nintendo DS. Or sometimes I just send him off to Game Stop and tell him to be back in an hour, on the off chance that there is no where to sit, or he doesn't have his DS with him. Usually American stores have chairs though. Hell, one of the malls around here has this sitting areas full of black leather recliners which in turn are usually full of men. It's kind of like a husband parking lot.
For dealing with the crappy mall music I have two words for you: i Pod. Wait... That's one word. Anyways, just blot out the crappy music when she's busy, and pop out the earbuds when she's there.
Also, when she gets mad at you for lying about how the outfit looks, that's not "some unexplained reason", it's because you're blatantly lying. If you don't want "potato sacks", tell the truth and make suggestions so she knows what you'd like. Do it nicely, of course, like "That's OK... but I think you'd look great in something more like this. It would really accent your cute (whatever)." Honestly, you're just shooting yourself in the foot by not doing this. Yeah, it's a huge pain, but it's a few hours of pain in return for many hours of seeing her in attractive clothes (assuming you talk her into buying them). Heck, make it a game to see if you can get her to buy at least one sexy outfit.
Also, pointing to TV and movies may help dispel the "potato sacks look good" myth that the "fashion" magazines portray. TV is about ratings, so they're more likely to know what outfits attract viewers.
Oh, and as for the no chairs thing, that's just stores trying to "maximize floorspace for the products", while entirely forgetting about the comfort of the customers. Greed beats service, apparently. :-(
Anyways, try out the suggestions that I and others here give you and you might get marginally better results than by what you're doing now.
Good luck! Let us know how it goes. (hint, hint)
P.S. Typos - "almost skin" should be "almost akin", and "outfits of her own" should be "outfits of his own" or "outfits of their own".
Come on now AZ, you KNOW thats how it goes....now, you get me in an electronics store, video game store, or a toy store, YES!!!! I will shop around for hours and hours and drool over whats there...but yes...shopping like normal, bores the living crap out of me. People believe because Im female that I HAVE to enjoy shopping....ehhh, not so much. Besides, if you are not "normal" sized shopping is a DEPRESSING pasttime....(as we have all previously discussed)
Anyway, half the time in J-land the guys are prettier than the girls!!! and yes, their clothing styles are WAY too similar. same *cough* Its all good....I stick to jeans and tees and am comfortable....i havent actually followed "hip fashions" in Kami knows how long...lol...trust me, I feel your pain even worse, because of my sex im EXPECTED to enjoy that....*shudders*
Either way, this was longer than expected...so
かんばってあずはん！！！！
(Az's Note: Thanks. How have you been?)
terrible clothes, all the more reason to be happy when taking them off.
gotta look at the bright side ^^
dude! advice from a lady who hangs out with a lot of guys, so she knows...
I hear you. Shopping can be awful and exhausting, and I can't even imagine what it'd be like in Japan, Land of Sensory Overload. Ideally, you'd like to get out of going if you can. So do some work beforehand, and it may become a lot easier.
What's your favorite thing to see her in? Don't say "nothing" or "ecstasy," those are cop-outs. If you were going on a date, what would you want her to be wearing? Once you figure that out, let her know. Like commenter's above have said, you can phrase this like a compliment really easily. Best start with clothes she already owns, so she won't view it as a big pain-in-the-ass job. "Could you wear that green dress? It looks perfect."
You'll have to endure the potato sacks for a while, but they'll get phased out, and she'll know what *you* like and use that knowledge in the future.
Also, hello! Welcome to the age of the internet. We can shop online now. Do it with her, and you can make it into a delightful little game. The boyfriend and I did this when I was looking to get a new pair of boots. A major purchase, and I wanted to spend my cash in the, um, wisest way possible. I learned a lot about his taste (simple yet elegant, which impressed me) and he got all poetic about me in these hypothetical boots. And we didn't have to leave our apartment, or get out of our jammies.
Az,
Get her a form-fitting outfit. Not a revealing one, but one that emphasizes her womanly form and compliments her body shape.
Make her wear it for a night out, and then see if she likes it. Every girls love wearing clothes that bring attention to their fabulous shape.
If she does, you can say, "See? There's nothing wrong with wearing form-fitting clothes, is there?"
Suggest a couple of things that YOU would like on her the next time you go shopping.
Good luck.
hahaha, I think boyfriends and husbands should just stay out of it unless they need clothes themselves. THATS WHY WE HAVE GAY FRINEDS. :) Girls like shopping, it's like a mental illness, it's our high of the day! I'm one of these girls and I don't drag any guys with me unless they are gay.
As for baggy clothes, I don't know what that is all about. It's kind of normal having big jackets to wear when you are having a lazy day and it's cold. Sweatpants for the same reason. I think clothes should be fitted. Revealing? Eh, it's all good if you have the body for it.
Dude, I'm female and I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE shopping. Enduring shitty music, having to search for a medium-sized jeans amongst the jeans for anorexic waifs and those for fat cows ("size 4, size 4, size.... size 6, ah? getting closer, size 18? fuck you!"), having to try them on to make sure they fit and then cursing because apparently the size 12 you thought was normal is actually *also* for fat cows, having to shoulder your way through crowds... uuuurgh.
Christmas shopping is a nightmare for me. It really doesn't take me long to get in a foul mood and wish I could go back home immediately, or alternatively, get a machine gun and fire randomly in the mall. I also absolutely detest shopping for shoes and/or boots. Unlike pants, which are generally fine on the first try and more available in various sizes despite my rant above (at least compared to shoes), now I have to find shoes that fit, are not ridiculously expensive, will last long enough AND are comfortable. "Those seem nice..." "Oh I'm sorry m'am, we only have size 9's left". "Okay, how about those?" "They aren't waterproof, sorry." (Why would I want to buy boots that are NOT waterproof, you shitheads?) "Okay, those look decent, are available in my size and are waterproof. How much?" "$400." ARGH.
I had a week off between two jobs at the beginning of this year and I used up an entire afternoon just to shop for new shoes and new winter boots and hated every minute of it. I bought a semi-expensive pair of each, so I hope they will last me long enough that the next time I -have- to go shopping for those will be in the far future (my old ones had holes and were taking water and it was only after accidentally stepping into a pond that I resigned myself to go shopping).
I may not be a guy, but if I ever see a resigned/depressed/irritated-looking male accompanying his girl in a clothing or shoe store and randomly make eye contact, I think I'll offer him my most sympathetic smile.
/rant
I'm a girl and I HATE shopping (clothes in particular). I'd been dragged by my best friend to hell-like stores for hours (on Christmas season, with awfully-sung Mexican x-mas music playing over and over again!), I wonder if I meet a guy's eyes would I have a bond moment? would it only be awkward?
If I have to drag a man to that hell, I make it as quick as I can for both of us and then run like there's no tomorrow XD.
Good luck.. really, good luck -_-U
Street Fighter IV? This really isn't bloody fair. Question about gameplay: Ken's Shippuu Jinrai Kyaku (from SFIII - I don't even know if it's in SFIV?) - is it still able to be linked off single jabs? It became a matter of survival for me at times.
A good way to pass your time: you're wandering around the store, why not keep a weather eye out and you may find something you'd *love* her to try on? Granted, string bikinis may be hard to spot among those burlap sacks, but you never know!
I haven't really noticed that many potato sacks here in Japan. In fact, since I came here, I've been constantly pleased by the incredible amount of thigh Japanese women show with thir short skirts and shorts.
Been a little while since I posted. My apologies for that.
My best friend is also my ex-girlfriend. Back when we were together, I used to have to deal with the same crap you're talking about almost every weekend, and I feel exactly the same way you do about shopping.
What's funny is, in the two years since we've stopped dating, she'll still try to get me to go shopping with her. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be able to reply, "Ha ha, fuck you." Its one of the most satisfying feelings in the world, comparable to finally finding a bathroom after holding it for half an hour. Then she invariably asks why, to which the only appropriate response is, "...because we're not having sex any more. I'm not REQUIRED to deal with this crap as your friend."
A distinct lack of shopping in my life is one of the few great things about being single.
Just a comment that I don't wear clothes to impress anyone. I wear clothes that I like, that are comfortable and every now and then, something where the neckline is way too low because it makes DH smile. I do know what you mean about potato sack clothes and ew. But I've pretty much always hated whatever's 'fashionable'. Half of it looks regurgitated and the other half probably was. And if I'm going to drag Dh clothes shopping, I throw in a bunch of those shirts he likes. Only fair, right? So don't lump us all together ;) (and yes, he still hates clothes shopping). But holy overpriced threads Batman, $400 for a dress? Where IS she shopping and WHY? I just don't get it.
I think you should get your girl to try out Jules' idea of making her own clothes. SF-IV is so freakin' cool. I haven't played it and I doubt that I ever will. Pray for me. I'll pray for you in the meantime.
Haven't missed a beat Az. Not one....fucking...beat
"*...Yes, I am playing Street Fighter IV. Yes, it is unfair for you who don't live in Japan and can't play it...but it is totally awesome for me."
The Street Fighter drought is a tender subject here in the states. It took every ounce of restraint left in the Senate for us not to push the big red button on y'all.
With that said, don't push us muth@f2#$a. We hate you for your freedoms.
Why do you guys make it so hard on yourselves when it comes to the shopping issue? I don't LOVE shopping myself, but I do enjoy it when I have someone with me who isn't feeling miserable about being there. My husband loves to shop for me, but considering what he ends up bringing home when he shops on his own("I love you sweetie, but that's a young girl's size __, and I'm a grown woman;" "yes it's a nice winter dress, but we're in the middle of summer"), we've found a way to make it an enjoyable experience for both of us when it comes time to get out to the stores. I hope what I suggest will come in handy.
First off, what was suggested above about perusing the internet for clothes is not a bad idea. You don't have to actually be shopping, but find some photos online that you can show her of women about her shape wearing the kind of clothes you're trying to tell her about.
Also, suggest she take a camera phone with her & send you photos of herself wearing a potentially new outfit, from in the dressing room to wherever you're at (whether you're in the next aisle or at home on the sofa). You can then either send her a text message or give her a call with your honest opinion because you won't be in a situation where you feel forced to lie just to end the torture. We used the photo method once when I needed a new top for a church program I was in, and he was sick and couldn't leave the house but wanted to be with me.
As a last resort, you could come to LA and get her on the show "How Do I Look?" so that she could have a clothing makeover...but then, you'd have to be one of the host's "accomplices" and publicly critique your wife's style, then go shopping on your own to find outfits that you think would best compliment her shape. I really don't see you doing that, or even having the following kind of conversation with her:
Me: "Honey, I'm going to go shopping for clothes."
Him: "Really? Would you like some help?"
Me: "That would be nice, but only if you want to."
Him: "You know I love doing anything that lets me spend time with you, baby!"
(This is not a made-up conversation; we have had this dialogue several times!)
I think that girls that really hate shopping generally just don't like looking at themselves in the mirror. Shallow? Absolutely. True? Pretty sure.
Look, just like you said that guys who like to shop have certain characteristics, so do girls who shop.
If you want a girl who cares about her appearance - not just clothes but in how she eats, exercises, does her hair and make-up, etc. - then you are going to have to put up with it. And as much as most guys say they like the "natural" look, guys, wake up, that look takes a lot of work!
By the way, when I bring my guy along shopping, it is because I want him to tell me what he likes cause I want to look good for him. So listen to what some of the other posters have said and start getting her to try on some short shorts (totally in style here!) or a slightly less potato-y dress (go in stages, ok?)
And finally, I hate those dang potato sacks on me, but I think they look cute on the short and small women whose country I live in. :)
I've been following this blog for who knows how long, but now's the first time I've been compelled to comment. You seem like a smart dude, Az, but you've come to believe something very false about women, and that is: they dress to please you.
People have many reasons for wearing the clothes they choose. Maybe you dress to impress, but omg, maybe you ALSO dress to please YOURSELF. Maybe you like something because it's comfortable, or you think it's cute, REGARDLESS of other people's opinions! When you get dressed in the morning, gentlemen, do you always think to yourselves, gee I wonder what style will impress the ladies today? No, you probably don't. The fact that "tit curtains" persist in popularity is because ladies like it, despite what men may think. So stop getting indignant that we're ignoring your opinions, what dudes think is far from the be-all and end-all of fashion.
Also, thanks for generalizing half of the world's population as catty and manipulative, and telling us we should put more weight in what the people with penises think, because then they might do us a favor and marry us.
And, holy crap, some of your commenters are even worse. "Ladies wear make up to scare other ladies away from their mens!" BLERG.
Okay, I'm chilling out. I know you try to be funny when you write, but when your result is slightly misogynistic, you do run the risk of turning off or even enraging a significant portion of your potential readership (the ladies). So sorry for the rant. But why can't you let your wife dress in a way that makes HER happy? I can understand maybe you want to see her in clothes more to your taste, and she could compromise by doing that sometimes, but ultimately her wardrobe is HER wardrobe, you know? Clothes are one of the best ways to express oneself; don't try and take that away from her.
I will completely agree, however, that it is no fun to be dragged around on a shopping trip one has no interest in. (And the loose top style is super comfy in the summer time, btw, because it allows more air around the torso to cool one off. Besides, wearing tight fitting tops in high temperatures can lead to embarrassing sweat stains in awkward places - like cleavage. Blerg, boob sweat is no fun.)
Here's a tip: if you are going shopping with her, you can try to get her to put on things that aren't ugly to you. The first time I went shopping with my husband he was obviously in the 'oh woe is me, I am going shopping with my girlfriend. I bet it will be as horrible as everyone says it is.' mind frame. After trying on a few halter tops I asked him if there was maybe anything else in the store he would like to see me in and lo, he started getting very interested in shopping with me and picking out clothes. When he needs clothes I do the same for him.
Use positive reinforcement. Compliment her a LOT when she wears things you like. If you go to a store, look at the clothes on the rack. If you see something that ISN'T ugly, ask her if she likes it. If she tries it on, get all happy and excited.
Though as an aside? My *wedding* dress didn't cost $400. Is your wife as focused on saving for the wedding as you?
I love this blog.
So, I absolutely love shopping, but shopping in Japan nearly killed me. It wasn't that there was hardly any room to move, it wasn't so much the music ( because I can tune it out), it wasn't even the size differences (I'm skinny everywhere except Japan ><). What really made me run from shopping centers everywhere were the employees. It's like they find the the girl with the most annoying voice just so they could stand her up in front of the store to yell "IRASSHAAAAIMASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" X_X
Im friends with this girl whos into the whole Goth-Lolita thing... she makes me feel dirty
I think I HATE shopping as much as everyone else here, on the bright side if I do buy some clothes, I know exactly what im getting before I go into the store. Max time spent shopping: 20 minutes
So, you're losing your job at the end of the month and STILL going shopping? Damn, homie. That PayPal account must be on fire!
(Az's Note: Actually, no. She hasn't really bought anything in a while, and this is an editorial I've been meaning to write for a few months now - just haven't had the time/energy to do it.)
I'm confused why you aren't taking advantage of the situation. You complain about your wife's sense of fashion (yea I hate those potato sacks too), but you aren't doing anything about it when you have the chance.
The only reason she takes you shopping is because she wants your opinion. It's a good time to be honest about what clothes you like on her. If you really actually like a piece of clothing she tries on she will buy it, hands down.
Be more active about it. Go look through the clothes yourself and find something YOU like. If you let her pick everything it will take a lot all day for her to find something you like. Plus it gives you something to do instead of just being in the way (might as well do something right?).
If she says no to something you pick, tell her (don't ask) to just try it on just to see (she doesn't have to buy it). Then you can at least see her in clothes you like - who knows maybe she'll like it and buy it.
Be more aggressive about what you like and maybe she'll stop wearing clothes meant for pregnant women.
Good luck!
(Az's Note: Here's the kicker - I try that. I tell her I don't like it, she dismisses my opinion. I point out something I do like, she just says "that won't look good on me" and doesn't give it second thought.)
I'd like to add my voice to those of women who f*cking hate shopping. I don't mind shopping for athletic gear or lingerie, but even then, the limit is 1/2 an hour. Max. Thank god for the internets. Point, click, done. Doesn't fit, send it back. No need for those pesky fitting room lines and badly-lit cubicles.
As for taking my husband with me? WHY? We've been together maybe 5 times in 12 years of marriage. He's the one who tells me I should "go shopping". I'm not badly dressed, I...just...hate...shopping.
My boyfriend likes to take me shopping when he shops for clothes. I have to sit there and watch him try on tons of stuff and give him handy advice and all. But low and behold, it's the END OF THE WORLD when I go clothes shopping and he happens to be there. Grumble.