When my time ended on JET, and I somehow decided not to go back to America, this meant that I would have to find a new apartment in Japan, as my JET successor would move into mine. ...This, actually, was not my first time moving in Japan.
My first apartment was a room. ...And that's about it. There was also a 3-foot hallway which lead to the door. On the left side of the three foot hallway, imagine stuffing a toilet, bathtub, and sink into your broom closet. On the right side, was a small kitchen sink and ONE burner. Literally, that's it. And while it was fun being able to shower and cook eggs for breakfast, at the same time, the apartment left much to be desired. Although the cramped size was a big issue, the apartment was located in the bad part of town (the Ghetto), and as it was right across from the train station, that wasn't fun either. Trains stopped running at midnight, but from that point I had to put up with the "REV-REV-REV" of the scooter punks trying to be cool. Yes, not even motherfuckin' motorcycles, but SCOOTERS. You will NEVER be cool on a SCOOTER. That's like an army of chiseled-abs Spartans riding into battle on their magnificent stallions, and here you come atop a fuckin' donkey. Turn your ass around and go the fuck home.
The other thing that bothered me about the previous apartment was that for its cramped, shitty location, I seemed to be paying at least double (if not more!) than most other JET's, who had significantly bigger living spaces. Quite a few were paying less for 3-room houses. One guy in a town not too far from me was paying $100 for a 10-room house. JET likes to hide under the "Every Situation is Different" banner, but in this case I feel a more appropriate slogan would be "Some of you will be given Chardonnay and the finest Scandinavian cheeses, while Japanese magazine models line up to give you oral sex, and some of you will be lead into a room, greased up, and thoroughly violated by Japanese professional wrestlers wielding steel chairs and pumpkins." As usual, guess which end of the stick I got.
So after sticking it out for awhile, I decided to move. I found out then just how challenging that is. Perhaps the biggest obstacle was finding somebody to co-sign. Co-signing is a big deal in Japan - there are Japanese people who would, without hesitation, take a bullet for you. Or push you out of the way of a speeding bullet train (with no time for them to get away unharmed). Or, shield you from a rampaging, horny Starr Jones (with no time for them to get away unharmed). But those same people would have to give the idea of co-signing for you a *lot* of serious thought. My higher-ups at the Board of Education finally did co-sign for me, but not without a lot of feet dragging and complaining. My boss made sure to tell me, at least three times, not to burn the new apartment down.
...Aw shucks. I guess I'm just going to have to cancel that Wicca Candlelight Welcoming Ritual I was planning on having. I'm probably going to have to tell my friends Johnny Storm and Puff, The Magic Dragon that they won't be able to hang out at my place anymore too.
Anyway, my experiences from my first move had taught me that this time around, more than anything else I was going to need a Japanese co-signer. After three years in Japan, I knew people who would have gladly sacrificed their lives for me. I knew fathers who would have, without hesitation, given me their daughters to me to do with as I pleased. I knew fathers who would have, without hesitation, given me their wives to do with as I pleased. But I didn't know anyone within this tiny island nation that would have willingly co-signed for me. My work had made it clear - since I was no longer working for them, they weren't morally obligated to co-sign for me. So they weren't going to. For all they cared, I could re-create the Darth Vader funeral pyre in my bedroom.
There was only one possible avenue I could venture down for a co-sign - my girlfriend.
By this point, we'd been dating for a year. Things had been going well. We had spent extended time together and never managed to irritate one another. And with me needing a Japanese co-signer, the choice was clear - I asked her to move in with me. She agreed, and with her name on the contract, as well as her parents co-signing power, we found a nice apartment in downtown Kyoto together.
Now, as a man, I had certain predisposed thoughts and expectations about living together about a girlfriend. Moreover, a Japanese girlfriend. Many guys who have had a Japanese girlfriend come over for the night have found that the next day, their apartments are magically cleaner than they were before. While dating my girlfriend for the past year, I simply never had to worry about laundry, or dishes. One of my friends brought a girl home for *one* night, and when he came home the next day from work, he found not only his entire apartment sparkling clean, but all the meds in his medicine cabinet had been arranged in alphabetical order. ...Who the fuck *does* that? Like, some girl woke up one morning and was like, "Ah, that was some good Gaijin Cock I got last night. Welp, better go say thanks by alphabetizing his medicine cabinet..."
So guys, if you ever find your apartment is in a great big mess, and you *just* don't wanna clean it...go bring home a Japanese girl for the night. You get laid, AND your apartment will be more sterile than a sperm bank. What a friggin' bargain! Girls, I'd love to say the same applies for you, but I really doubt it.* You might wake up to find that an entire year's supply of hair spray is suddenly just GONE.
*That is, unless you girls bring a Japanese girl home. In that case...FUCKIN'A, TAKE PICTURES!
I don't mean to be some kind of chauvinist pig or anything like that, but I rather enjoyed having the dishes and laundry taken care of for an entire year. I sort of assumed that when we moved in together, that sweet set-up would continue.
Nope, nuh-uh sucker, no.
Suddenly, now I had to pull my weight. And if I didn't, there was hell and high waters to pay. Granted, this is nothing more than fair share, but having gone from living the good life at the Playboy Mansion, to being whipped in the cotton fields, took a little getting used to. And as I've mentioned before, while any woman who unleashes The Furies is indeed scary, there's an extra-special "OH SHIT!" Factor when it comes to Japanese women. Maybe its because one day, you realize that she will become an indestructible little obasan, who would not hesitate to fucking kill you with her bare teeth.
And it wasn't even just that I had to do these things now. I had to do them in a timely manner. Maybe I'm wrong, but us guys, we work on a "when absolutely necessary" basis. As far as laundry goes, as long as we have clean underwear...what laundry? I make sure to specifically have at least 21 pairs of boxers, so that I don't have to do the laundry for at least three weeks. Dishes weren't that much different. Maybe I'd decide to boil pasta in a pot on Monday. On Tuesday, since my pot was still dirty, I'd cook a stir-fry in the skillet. On Wednesday, with the pot and skillet still dirty...well, then it was time for Jack in the Box. In the same vein, if I wanted to eat pasta on Monday but all my forks were dirty...then it was time for a soup. Only when there were no combinations of cooking and dining utensils available that would allow me to eat, would I do the dishes. Although, a REAL Man's Man would just keep a supply of paper plates and sporks around the house.
But no, now I had to do the laundry no matter how many clean pairs of boxers I had left, and I had to do the dishes while the food was still traveling through my digestive tract. The laundry is one thing, but the dishes! I don't want to do the dishes immediately after eating. After meal time is a special time in a man's life, when he kicks back on the sofa, evacuates all thoughts from his brain, and drops a hand down his pants, Al Bundy style.
Well, sure, now I have to be responsible and all. That's not a bad thing, right? Besides, and this is again another guy expectation, with my girlfriend living right there with me, I now had 24/7 access to sex, anytime I wanted, right?
And I'm sure all you guys who have ever lived with a girlfriend are laughing heartily at me right now. Laughing heartily between the bitter, angry tears.
(To Be Continued...)
I hate you. *So* bad. so many empty promises, man.
The secret to keeping your Japanese girlfriend working her ass off in the house is working 10 hours per week more than her and since you're in Japan, those working conditions shouldn't be too difficult to access, try it, trust me.
On another note, I miss Family Mart's prepackaged sushi.
...ye poor bastard. Yer doomed.
Turn your ass around and go the fuck home.
Don't make fun of the donkey, man
Hey, she did you a favor by co-signing for you. What are you complaining about?
"Although, a REAL Man's Man would just keep a supply of paper plates and sporks around the house."
My roommate actually does this. AND uses plastic cups.
Poor, poor Az. This is the beginning of the end for you, my friend. You don't know it yet, although you may have an inkling. Its all puppy dogs and rainbows....at first. It starts with the dishes and laundry, and then the all access sex slowly but surely starts to fade. Then one day you start to rationalize things like: "That won't happen, she's different than other girls", or "Oh this happens to every man", and inevitably "Sex once a month is doing pretty good, right?" Usually that kind of thing doesn't start to happen until you get married, though. Just keep a keen eye on the situation. I send you all of my thoughts and prayers. (I wish someone woulda told this crap to me!)
When in Rome...Or Kyoto for your sake. Look on the bright side. If you move back to the states with her and get a place the power balence will most likely be in your favor. While you relearn some of your "native living skills" she will remain in "Nihon" mode in the house at least. As long as you treat her well and respect her all should go well as she starts to think "sho ga nai". There is also the option of awesome sex. Of the girls I've been with, after the awesome sex they generally in a much better mood later and like doing little things to show thanks. Also, one might say it would be wise to expect to do some work. Better safe than sorry. Overall, it's a win/win. Good luck to you.
Az... I'll try to tell you from my viewpoint (because that's all I have is my viewpoint) what's going on.
Right now, perhaps your girlfriend feels she's been used. Used to get a decent apartment, then treated like a live-in maid you can wrestle in bed.
In the past, it was a game. Playing house, coming over and tidying up after the boyfriend and, every so often, quashing her feeling that he is inconsiderate. That he doesn't clean up himself to spare her all the work of doing his dishes because he hasn't. Now it's not a game. She has to live with it 24/7 like she's your wife, only without legal compensation.
Perhaps she wonders when the day will come that she, like someone else she might know, finds herself sitting in the park and wondering when she died. When she wonders if you ever did love her, or only spoke the words and acted affectionate, and she mistook fondness for love. (ruffle the puppy's fur)
I know people like to say "If you really loved me, you wouldn't want me to change." But that's a load of crap, you'll know when you raise kids. It comes back from the mirror, "If you really love her, you'll expand to be a better man."
i love the al bundy ref. & your absolutly right about after a meal
Come on, what's wrong with doing work around the house and pulling your own weight? A true manly man is a Spartan by day and a domestic expert by night.
Well if you think living with your girlfriend causes lack of sex and requirements for cleanliness, just wait until you put that ring on her finger.
Wedding Ring : n - A band designed to stop circulation.
I feel your pain Az, I feel your pain. I've lived with the same girl for about 5 years now.... Yeah, I'll leave it at that.
hmm read this article and decided to see what you were up too :)
http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/waiwai/news/20070430p2g00m0dm022000c.html
Happy For Ya Az'
Eh, keeping a successful relationship is difficult... But I guess it is important in the end. Finding a girl who's faithful to you is harder than finding a straight man who wouldn't suffer in a Yanni concert, and I guess the responsibility and the lack of sex is just a sacrifice you need to make to avoid getting cheated on again... expecially in Japan.
(Az's Note: Dude...I almost DID suffer in a Yanni concert.)
...Actually, my host-mother in Japan was the same for me -- she did all my laundry, even though I told her it wasn't necessary.
But common, man, it's only fair that you do have some housework if you both have jobs. In my family, my father is always the first to insist that we wash the dishes -- and while I'm with you on the laundry thing, I think it is really gross to leave dishes for more than a few hours at the most.
As for why she did it to begin with, she was probably just trying to get you to like her. Everyone's always on their best behavior before they're sure that they have acceptance.
I couldn't find the SF2 or Transformers reference. Was it in there?
I'm 30 and after 10 years of marriage I can definitely say that you are SO RIGHT. Unfortunately I can also add that it doesn't change.
For years my wife tolerated my ways of dishwasher and laundry procrastinating (using the same precise principles that you outlined! amazing how guys think alike). Now that we have kids though, it's an excuse to force me to help her do laundry every single week - if not more often - just for the sake of the children's clothes.... even though our kids have like 400 pairs of everything because she loves shopping for them.... ALL THE KIDS CLOTHES MUST BE CLEAN AT ALL TIMES!
Get ready for it Az... Black, White, or Japanese... all women are the same in this respect. Submit now and life will go easier on you later (well, not really, but at least you'll have the acceptance part down).
Man up son! Haha. You better learn to manipulate stuff and get her wanting to do things such as chores and teh sXe. Anyways. These are still funny. Maybe because you're still in Japanland.
Eventhough it has been so long, the second you said: "You will NEVER be cool on a SCOOTER." my mind shot back to that old entry about you talking about some of your old students. I cracked up as usual!
Fantastic job on keeping up where you left off.
-Loyal Reader-
Great entry, the donkey metaphor, and the bundy and star wars references were hilarious. I agree about us men's habit of leaving things until absolutely necassary. As I type this, I'm looking over about 20 empty pop cans, of course this means I have no girl... You just can't win. Good luck at the new place!!
"As far as laundry goes, as long as we have clean underwear...what laundry?"
I hate to admit it, but that is sooo true.
"Although, a REAL Man's Man would just keep a supply of paper plates and sporks around the house."
If you also throw plastic cups into the mix, that sounds exactly like me and my room mate during our first college semester after we had escaped from the dorms. Anyways, best of luck to you man. I hope everything works out for you. In the meantime I think I'll keep riding the singles track. I always hate having to answer to other people. For now, though, I better go out and mow the yard... We're having trouble finding the cat.
I used to have an arrangement where if I always did the dishes after dinner (which to me meant after the 4th-5th consecutive dinner)I would usually slip any other house obligations...
Then one day I had the brilliant idea of saving money for a dishwasher. As soon as i had the money I was a happy boy going to the store.
Now, can you spell "backfire"? I now no longer had to do the dishes. Feel free to ask me later how does it feel washing the floors, and hanging the wet clothes after the wash.
As a bit of an oddball, what ever happened to the guys who actually let their girlfriends study, do her research, and go bow-hunting/fishing without any un-needed interference... and still remain faithful and are straight?
are you guys still together?
my girlfriend had the nerve to get mad at me when i asked for a blowjob after she did the dishes..can you believe that shit??!
Sure, I do my laundry and dishes that way. That is, as late as I can put it off, preferably, later. It's a bit odd to see talk about washing dishes by hand, hanging wet clothes, and washing the floors, though. Is this not the 21st century? Kids, get a dishwasher, a dryer, and a Scooba.
Sheesh I wonder how you would have gotten a co-sign if you didn't have a girlfriend! What would you have done? Sold your body for a co-sign?! ...... T.T Nevermind I think you would do that anyway.
I clean for my girl, but she cooks
Soap & water > not having good chahan
d00d the coolest man alive rode a donkey. Thats right, Jesus is my homeboy.
I kid, he's not. But I couldn't help myself. And Azrael, like my gramps would say: 'run the other way!'. I would've co-signed for you, and you wouldn't have to do dishes and access for sex would still be unlimited! LOL
You probably should have added some Gaijin Smash and possibly double it up with Gaijin Telepathy into your persausion. Nobody in Japan would have refused to co-sign for you then!
"we work on a 'when absolutely necessary' basis"
Ehem..... I never had a gf in my entire life and yet, I have someone already against this: my mom. She's been nagging me occasionally to clean my PC (and the other PC which I almost don't use). It would've been fine if she stopped there but no, she added, "How will you live overseas if you can't do tasks like those?" I wanted to answer back, but I'm kind of a NEET for now (hope I can find a job ASAP). Since I already mentioned NEET, the "when-needed" attitude belongs to people who are candidate for NEETs (which I don't want to admit).
"I don't want to do the dishes....."
I admit I don't do laundry, but I had to do dishes EVERYDAY. Not only that, I'm the only one among the siblings who do actual housework, even if its just washing dishes or cooking rice. Even if my siblings has work/jobs, that's no excuse for not doing any housework. So I suggest you help your gf a little, since you may be doing those chores whether you have a job or not.
I have to say that I feel just a little satisfyingly revenged after reading this. I am a white girl majoring in Japanese and have really gotten discouraged listening to fellow students (most of whom are guys with serious cases of yellow fever) talk about how perfect and wonderful Japanese girls are and that American girls just can't compare. I live with my boyfriend and I've never had a problem keeping the house clean, cooking, and giving massages when he is stressed out. In fact it makes my all giddy when I see how happy my gestures make him. I don't look at it in terms of gender roles I see it more in terms of doing what makes the person you care about happy. If that means cooking and cleaning then so be it. AND I don't have the willpower to withhold sex. I don't believe it's healthy for a relationship anyway. Hopefully I won't change, but who knows, time can transform relationships and people in ways you never imagined. But I've just read too many stories about guys who are in miserable marriages and long-term relationships and I really don't want mine to turn out like that. Anyway I just had to take this opportunity to brag and vent these strong feelings of competition that I've begun to feel towards Japanese girls.
Wow, I can agree with the underwear issue. When there is no underwear, that's when I do laundry.
Men keep it simple.
If it comforts you and all (and I mean this in the kindest way possible), it's not just the guys who've lived with girlfriends who are laughing right now. It's the girlfriends, too. :D Looking forward to seeing how this goes.
Also, NT, your comment scared me *just* slightly. Please, know that those stereotypes actually freak out the Japanese girls, so er, chill the competitive feelings. Please. World peace.
"Bitter, angry tears"
SO, so, so incredibly right. Fantastic.
I hear ya on the co-signing thing. Been looking for one for ages. No one's gonna do it either...I'm stuck living in my friend's spare room. Suck.
*laughs hysterically*
You REALLY thought it would stay the same? Although I feel you on the sex. Hell, I had the live in bf, and HE didnt want to give ME the sex 24-7....sigh...witholding sex only hurts everyone, there are better ways to punish (espeically using handcuffs)and I FEEL you on the dishes. I HATE washing dishes...but I have female friends who do them. (the agreement is I cook, and they wash dishes, yatta!!!) but you GOTTA expect to have to do SOME chores...but dishes can wait til after the Al Bundy moment. A good meal must be appreciated for a bit before dishes are done.
Preach on Kimmykat!!!
if things keep going like this, you won't have to worry about your money and bills anymore...
japanese wives are known for being the financial managers in the home...
only... expect a tiny allowance from her. :(
My parents have a rule that whoever cooks dinner doesnt do the dishes that night. Plus we have a dishwasher so it's not a big deal anyways. I have a weird phobia of dirty dishes though (wtf right?)
"And I'm sure all you guys who have ever lived with a girlfriend are laughing heartily at me right now. Laughing heartily between the bitter, angry tears."
...all that's true for me except I'm a girl, and it's my boyfriend who doesn't want to have sex more than once a month. Hell, it's been two months now. ARGH.
^ *points to the above poster* I concur.
I'm dating a Japanese guy and after living together for a month last time I visited him (currently doing long distance until I graduate with my degree in June), we've decided we're pretty serious and gonna move into together this July or August.
And to your theory, you're right, no Japanese guy is gonna magically clean your place when you're living together. I'm sure it's no different from American guys, but usually after sex my guy's not all, "OMG let's clean yeah!" and more like, "bedtime now" which if he's not tired can be interchanged with "television time now". The best I've gotten is to get him to cook a "meal" once a month, handing me clothes out of the washer to hang so I don't have to keep taking my shoes off to go inside back and forth, and sometimes he does dishes when I'm really not feeling like it.
As for helping keep the apartment tidy (that whole "if you get it out to play with it, put it back when you're done" rule), hanging towels up to dry after use, etc. haha no help there. I was amazed how messy our place (LOL 1K apartment) could get in just a few days when I wasn't there to pick up after him.
Other than housework responsibility, he's pretty much the perfect guy in all other aspects. I mean gee I'd have to love him to be willing to cook him a meal everyday, when now that back in America for a bit, I don't even do as much for myself.
But don't skimp on the housework 'cause of that typical guy mindset. Women get just as tired and sometimes the last thing we wanna do is clean up some abomination you guys turned the apartment into, cook your meal, and do your laundry. I'm sure your girlfriend doesn't mind doing some or all of these things for you out of love, but we really feel appreciated if the guy is willing to do something when we ask or within the same day as asking. I mean how would you feel if you were like, "I'm hungry!" and your g/f was like, "Oh, I'll cook you a meal two days from now when I feel like it." Not very cool, huh?
She'd probably really love it if just out of the blue one day, you offered to do _____ for her. By doing so it's not making a commitment to do it everyday or anything, but just showing her that you appreciate what she does.
I also think the sex thing depends on the girl. I like sex with my boyfriend, so I'd be really sad if it went to a once a week thing. =(
Yellow fever has been getting out of hand lately - why? anime has a lot to do with it. probably not just that, but it's a huge contributing factor.
as for your situation, Az, she's 'conditioning' you. Adding on to what Jill said, if you're in this for long term, you'll have to change, but she's going to have to change too - it takes two, dude. :]
Az, Japanese steel chairs do not hurt. Sabu can throw them at little girls all day long and they'll never flinch. The Van Daminator is nothing more than a flesh wound when using Japanese steel chairs. That's why refs never DQ anybody who uses them.
But back to your story of being whipped into a good little househusband (literally?). Even though I know it didn't work, it's still funny to see how she tried to see how much housework you were really capable of doing. Too little and you're a lazy oaf. Too much and she feels useless. Good to see you got somewhat of a balance.
Oh yeah, never follow relationship advice given by a woman. It will never work and it was never given to help you in the first place.
Haha, sorry to hear that Az, but you're gonna have to man up and do some dishes. Her parents co-signed for you, the least you could do is split the household chores with her.
Welcome to the glamorous lifestyle of moving in with your girl.
It seems like a shift in power here. She's got you by the balls, after co-signing, and now you're the girl. Now its you cleaning, washing up and giving her sex on demand. You better think of something to get the upper-hand again.
You could always get a second girlfriend to come over and clean up the new apartment. *awesome*
Yeah I'm gonna hop on the "quit whining" bandwagon here. Maybe you'll find you like living in a neater environment :P
Az, you have lived in japan for 3 years, how the hell could you not know the whole "japanese women hide their claws" thing?!
Dear god, you have much to learn!
I agree with the women above! I'm a regular white girl myself, and I think I'm a DAMN good girlfriend! Do you know what a pain in the ass it is to take care of you men?! I'll be the first to raise my hand and admit that as women, we like to over-dramatize our work load sometimes, but dammit, we HATE it! The only reason we cook and clean for you is because IF you do it at all, you NEVER do it well enough. Besides, we like to feel important in our own little ways, like making you food and cleaning the house. But as for Japanese women, I don't know HOW they could possibly withold sex for so long. JESUS. It's INHUMANE! We need some lovin' too! I'm sick of all the weird otaku boys back home fawning over the "beautiful, curvy" (HA!) Japanese women they only see in porn. It's false advertising and I DON'T appreciate it! Guys- stick to your roots! Forget the yellow fever and stick to white meat!