With yesterday's post, "Gaijin Perimeter, Revisited", that brings us to the last archive post from Outpost Nine. From here on out it's nothing but newness, baby. Er, babies I guess, since there's more than one person reading. Don't want the Grammar Nazi's getting all gestapo on me. So from here on out, it's nothing but newness, babies. ...Wait, that doesn't sound right, not at all. What's that? Someone named Chris Hansen on line 1? FUCK!
*Ahem*. Anyway, it's been a long, interesting half-year (plus change), hasn't it? I made the decision to move to Rudius Media for a number of reasons, the most important of which were not even commercial. Many fans of the old editorials understood the reasons for the change, and continued to support me. I'm very thankful to all of you. Some fans decided that I was now the square root of all evil on Earth. But, eh, that chapter is pretty well documented.
Though having to wade through the old archives must have been excruciating, even if I had stayed on Outpost Nine it's doubtful I could have come up with any new material for awhile. Life was kinda crazy from July until, well, now. A lot of stuff happened. I finished my time on JET. I moved from the countryside into the city. I took another job, quit it after only a few months, and then spent some time as an umemployed bum. I went through the desert on a horse with no name, and let me tell you, it was good to get out of the rain. I got a quick sex change and entered the Japanese porn industry for awhile, and under the name of Manko Smashalot I set a new one-woman bukkake record. I pioneered the fusion of Japanese music, ballpark-organ themes, and polka. I also traveled into the past, and found that by accidentally stepping on a butterfly I'd set off a chain reaction of events that would eventually lead to the invention of Diet Coke. ...Some of the things I just listed are entirely fictional, but honestly, if I had to tell you that...
Anyway, for the non-fictional stuff, you'll hear about that in the coming weeks, at least if I deem it interesting enough to write about.
For the moment, a quick status update. No, I am no longer a Japanese school teacher. My time on JET ended in August 2006. Yes, I am still in Japan. Yes, I am completely out of my mind. I thought we'd established that a long time ago.
Updates will shift to twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is a measure to keep me nice and somewhat sane. I'll do my best, but please understand that there may be some times where I'm late with an update, or miss it entirely. As I am no longer a Japanese school teacher, I can't really write about the wacky misadventures of my kids anymore. There is some catch up to be done with the last of my teacher days, so the kids haven't graduated yet, but unfortunately they will. However, I'm sure this country will find various different ways to keep me amused, and if you'll all come back to read it, I'll keep writing. I may also write about some other non-Japanese related stuff, because the universe does not actually revolve around this country, contrary to what Japanese people may try to tell you.
At any rate, from now on, nothing but new content, Tuesdays and Thursdays. I appreciate the support you all have given me, both the new Gaijin Smash fans, and the fans who were with me back during the "I Am a Japanese School Teacher" editorials on Outpost Nine. If you keep reading, I'll keep writing.
[/mushy stuff]
Welcome back. Waiting eagerly to hear about your current exploits. You still with your girlfriend?
Keep it up man i will cry if you dont
Well, I, for one, am looking forward to the "new new stuff", there must be lots of stuff you never told us about being a teacher in Japan. And there must be also many cool/wacky/fun/interesting stuff that has nothing to do with the school/teacher's life. So you had another job? Do tell!
Keep writing, and I'll keep reading.
I'm glad that your going to keep going, even though your not a school teacher. Your editorials are the reason why I read, and I do not read a lot. Anyways, best of luck!
Dude, most of the finance community in Tokyo is ex-Jet. And all the bulge bracket houses are hiring hand over fist. Any interest I can put you in contact with people.
(Az's Note - Thanks, I really appreciate that, but I really had to stay in Kyoto/Kansai. I have a new job now at any rate.)
We will be lost without your crazy Japanese school kids. They were disturbing but very entertaining. That being said, I still have faith in you to come up with some good new stuff sans Japanese kids.
I'm shocked! No more crazy Japanese school kids! Whatever will we do. Although they were disturbing, they were very entertaining. That being said, I'm sure that you will be able to come up with some great new stories sans Japanese kids.
I love you, I've been with you since the beginning, and I'll be with you until the end. <3
I will keep reading.
This Grammar Nazi says you don't need an apostrophe when pluralizing "grammar nazi." Lol anyway I'm looking forward to the new material! Anything you write will be good and filled with apostrophes. :)
You're an excellent writer - and I've sent your URL to friends who are thinking of going the JET route. :) Good luck!
I love reading your stories, old or new. Thanks for continuing!
I've been with you since OP9, I'll stick with you 'til you stop writing. You've been a great inspiration... to be much more wary about wanting to go see what Japan's like, that is.
Thanks for the months of laughs and info, we all appreciate it.
Hey, I'll read anything you write. You've got the gift of funny, man.
Az, glad to hear things are working out for you.
Maybe now you can get your web gurus to fix the "Permalink" and "Comments" links that appear at the bottom of every post. They've been screwed up for months. For example, the "Permalink" link at the bottom of this post goes to "http://www.gaijinsmash.net/archives/and_now_back_to_1.phtml" whereas the actual link is "http://www.gaijinsmash.net/archives/and_now_back_to_our_show.phtml"
Also, the "Preview" button for comments is broken. It generates an error message that says "Build error in template 'Comment Preview Template': Error in tag: Can't find included template module 'Remember Me'"
Hey, Az. I first found your stories when you were still on outpostnine.com through i-am-bored. I was still in tech school at the time. I started reading and couldn't stop. A close friend of mine wanted to know what I was snickering about, so I told her. She started reading, and before we knew it, we were both addicted. It became a friendly little race to see which one of us could notice the newest posting first. We spent literally hours laughing over your accounts of life there and trying not to get caught reading your site when we were supposed to be studying.
Heather was killed in a car accident August 17, 2006. Some of my best memories of her involve your stories.
I'll keep reading, Azrael.
MANKO!
All great adventures come to and end only to reveal the next new adventure. I am going to remain loyal to the Master of the Gaijin Smash. You remind me of how wacky my time in Japan was as a homestay student. Keep up the good work and let us know soon what your new job is.
I started reading you when you moved over to Rudius and I'll continue to read as long as you write. I end up telling my wife (a teacher) all about your previous misadventures much to her delight.
Do your new cow-orkers try to kancho you or play dick grab? How else are you going to keep that spidey-sense of yours sharp? Those were the funniest stories...
Congrats man. Personally I liked your stories when they ventured out of the classroom. I'll be a regular reader in the future. I think with the increased scope the site will be better than ever.
Well, I was a reader before the move and I've been a pretty faithful re-reader on this site. I've enjoyed refreshing my memory on your crazy, touching, insane adventures and I hope to keep reading them until you run out of material to write about.
I can't really say my interest in Japan has changed since before I read these posts, but I will say that I can't wait to read more from you.
On that note, are there any other editorials you've got (besides the non-teacher ones that are on OP9 from before)?
It's about time... : )
I'm definately going to keep reading.
By the way I tried to sign into my TypeKey whatsit and it said "The site you're trying to comment on has not signed up for this feature. Please inform the site owner."
I'm not sure if that's something you sort out or something the Rudius guys need to sort out. So sorry if it's nothing to do with you.
Yep, of course we'll all continue to read. I'm going to Japan in April, and with Kyoto being one of our places at which to stop, I'm excited to see and experience everything that you've mentioned. Can't wait for more posts!!
And Char, I'm sorry to hear about your friend Heather.
Keep it up and hope that everybody follows your examples.
"Az's Declassified Japan Survival Guide" ^^
Ganbare yo, Sumassharotto-chan.
I have been reading your adventures in Japan for quite a while. I wanted to drop you a note to let you know that even with all the crazy stuff you have gone through, your experiences only reinforce my desire to apply to the JET program. I admit, I am very interested in most all things Japanese. The culture, language, fashion, quirks, and even the fascination with cute intrigue me and I just want to experience it for myself.
I have had several friends who went through the JET program and said they were very happy. I just need to get my Bachelors degree then I will be ready to apply. I can only hope that having an International Relations degree and not really any experience in teaching will not hurt me.
One of the best things about your posts is that they are real interactions with Japanese people in everyday situations. Seeing the examples of common miscommunications, reactions, and responses of students and teachers is fascinating. I love seeing how different Japan is from America. I also appreciate that you talk about situations I read about in the news from a first hand experience (bullying, giant hamburgers, doctors). I can see now that I better go lose some weight or else >.<
Anyways, all the best to you, thank you for sharing your experience and I look forward to reading about your new adventures!
P.S.
I had tears in my eyes when I read about Moeko's Owl. What a sweet child. ALMOST makes me overcome my extreme hatred of children :)
(Az's Note - You hate kids...and you want to be a teacher? ...Good luck.)
Keep it up, Az! I love the old stuff and I'm definitely looking forward to the new stuff!
You should be a Government Japanese school teacher. It's worth a shot.
Good to see your still writing, buddy. :D
I will keep reading, I find it very interesting to know about cultures other than our own here in the states, especialy japan, so even tho your not a teach. and you don't have the stories about your KRAZY KIDS, I'm sure there is plenty more to write about, and if not, hop on a train with a notepad and observe everything you see and write that down, im sure that would be some good shit.
CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT POST
- SKITZO
I'd read OP9, and had been reading Tucker Max for some time when I noticed you'd moved onto rudius. Then of course I had to read your exploits all over again! I'm sure you'll have no shortage of things to write about, even out of the JET system.
Gay. Super-gay. You are the lord of gay.
...
touch me, I'm weepy!
Caged Penguin, reader from the OP9 days.
Keep writing AZ, I'll keep reading.
I've been with you since the beginning. There's no way I'm backin out now.
I'd watch that.
I've had such a great time going back through the archive here, and I'm really happy to hear you'll be updating with some new stuff. Very much looking forward to it! :)
This is great Az, I've been a big fan of your editorials since I first discovered Outpost Nine. Your writing had kept me going and even inspired me to dabble in writing a bit (purely for fun though).
I was wondering if there will be any new, exclusive content on Outpost Nine? Or will Gaijin Smash be the main source for new content?
I've enjoyed re-reading many of your older stories as well as some of the new content that's been posted every-so-often. Keep up the good work. I'll keep reading as long as you keep writing.
I've been reading your site ever since OP9. Your stories have given me countless hours of laughter and insight. I even show my friends at school who find your stories both hilarious and informative.
I'll keep reading, so long as you never stop writing.
I'll definitely keep on reading your articles! Please keep on writing! Everything you wrote was excellent and I'm sure your new stuff will be as good as the other stuff.
I'll keep reading! :)
See ya,
Anna.
Awww... no more wacky school stories? (;___;)
Oh well, so what are you doing in Japan in the meanwhile then? Perchance... wacky adventures with the general populace? (O_O *imagines a Japanese granny attempting kancho, and remembers that if that were so, then the U.S. would have lost the war, on the basis that Japanese grannies are indestructable.)
Do keep us posted though dearie. We would hate to see you dissapear off the face of the earth... and become some sort of Queen in the Japanese porn industry as you described. >_<;;;;
Awww. Who needs a hug?!
Keep writing and I'll keep reading. Sure you aren't you kidss teacher, but can't you talk about your experinces with them after your job ended? Why don't you reenter the JET program?
I find this stuff funny, even without the kids. There is the whole being a teacher again route. Not school kids, but maybe teaching Conversational English to college students. That would make kancho and Dick-Grab all new games.....
And sanity is overrated. I've never been, and I do all right.
I have been reading your website ever since I stumbled on it by complete dumb luck. Incidentally, i found it just some time after knowing that I'd go live in Japan for one year, and it helped me get .. err, another perspective (and made me thank god for not being a teacher too). Also it made me nearly piss my pants on numerous occasions.
There's no way I'll stop reading!
And now I am living probably in the area you're describing (south of Kyoto), and damn I thought you left, but now I'll keep an eye to see if I can recognize you. Yes yes, just to freak you out.
PS : i am not a creepy stalker. No, really.
I love this blog! It's so insanely good! Although I will definitely miss all of your adventures in kiddy land, I can't wait for more of your writing!
I check both your sites every night to check for new updates.. I can't possibly be the only one. :D And if you don't want to call us Babies, you could always say "nigas", yeah?
Az, I can't wait for the new stuff man.
Life after JET. Whats going on?
Whats the new job? What about the girlfriend from the gaijin parimeter?
Cult O Az wants to know!!!!
wow, white and asian folk looking forward to the words of a black man. why am I remembering dave chapelle's words about mastering white-a-nology?
Woot for new material! Not that I loved reading all the old stuff for a second/third time.
I've been checking out your old and new site for over two years now and I promise I won't be stopping anytime soon.
Good luck with your new adventures in Japan!