Original Gaijin Smash Content
I went to a ninensei class with Ms. Americanized at the Ghetto School. This year, the Ministry of Education and Evil Torture or whatever the fuck it is changed to an updated version of the New Horizon textbooks. I haven't had too good a look of it yet, but a lot of the changes seem superficial - for example, instead of Yumi asking for a glass of orange juice, Emi now asks for a glass of water. ...Yeah, I don't get it either. But I suppose the new texts do contain a lot of new stuff.
Among that new stuff are English songs. The ninensei book starts with stuff about American baseball (complete with pictures of Ichiro and Matsui so that Japanese people will actually feel compelled to give a damn), therefore the first song is "Take Me Out To The Ballgame". ...There is something oddly surreal about a class of 30 13 to 14 year old Japanese kids singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame". And, somehow, patriotic. I skimmed ahead in the book hoping to find "The Star Spangled Banner" but sadly it wasn't there. Man, if I could get even just one school of kids to have to stand up and sing America's national anthem, that'd be like the greatest Gaijin Smash since Commodore Perry.
...Ahem. Anyway, as entertaining as it was, it wasn't nearly as good as the time Ms. Americanized had them singing...er...rapping to Tupac. Just remembering that causes me to break into a smile no matter what time of day/state of mind.
Anyway, after a few rounds of "Take Me Out", one boy raised his hand to ask a question...
Boy: Teacher?
Ms. Americanized: Yes?
Boy: Why does this textbook have songs? We didn't sing any songs last year.
Ms. Amercanized: Well, apparently the Ministry of English and Harry Potter took a survey of students to find out what kinds of English they wanted to learn about. Songs were a popular choice, so the new textbooks were designed to incorporate more songs.
Boy: Really? Like what?
Ms. Americanized: ...I dunno, stuff like...(flips through the book), hey, here's John Lennon.
Boy: Do they have Moskau?
Ms. Americanized: ...Moskau?
Me: ...Moskau? ...No, he can't possibly mean...
Boy: ...You know! "Moskau! Please respect Retardia!"*
Me: ...!! "Whoops, I need insurance card!"
Me, Boy: Oroh ho ho ho ho. Hey!
Ms. Americanized: ......WTF?!
...If you find yourself "WTF'ing" alongside Ms. Americanized, then you aren't familiar with the 70's disco song "Moskau" by the Russian group Dschingis Khan. Click here
to acquaint yourself with seven different kinds of beefy, spicy awesomeness.
*He didn't actually say those words, just whatever made those sounds in Japanese gibberish. ...Note that those words aren't the actual song lyrics either.
After class, the boy came up to the front to confirm that I did, indeed, know Moskau. We broke out into another burst of glorious gibberish verse, but this time the boy got on the floor and did the Evil Santa Claus dance. ...Ms. Americanized at this point, looks as if someone has just punched her in the face then told her they loved her. "Don't you know Moskau?" the boy asks. "Yeah, I know it," Ms. Americanized says, "what I'm wondering is how YOU know it. Didn't that song come out in the 70's? That's like 20 years before you were even concieved! How do you know this song?"
The boy simply shrugs. "The internet's a hell of a thing."
...Truer words were never spoken.
Upon a subsequent trip to karaoke, I confirmed that yes, Moskau is in the database library. Which is another baffling aspect of karaoke, IMHO - keep that in mind when you are looking for your favorite song in vain, that you can always sing (or at least try to sing) Dschingis Khan's Moskau. In fact, you SHOULD sing Moskau. No trip to karaoke would be complete without it. And clear away the tables and do the dancing too. Especially the Evil Santa Claus crouching roundhouse dance. I command it.
That is going on myspace. I've been looking for that song forever.
Moskau, Moskau,
Russland ist ein schönes Land,
werft die Gläser an die Wand
hohoho - hey
Moskau, Moskau........
Nice story. Just wanted to add, that Dschinghis Khan is not a Russian band, it is - or should i say was - from Germany. Not a single line in the song "Moskau" except for "Moskau" is Russian. And from what i have experienced it can be found on any karaoke-machine.
I am unfamiliar with both Moskau and the Evil Santa Claus dance.
And here I thought I was cool.
That Dschingis Khan song and video was the best thing I've ever seen/heard. I thought you're stories were entertaining enough but you stepped the fun up a notch. Thank you.
I want to stress that, while being in Europe, Germany (where this song originates (yes, even Germans think that's strange)) is no part and was never part of Russia.
Okay, part of Germany has been part of the Soviet Union but that's only partially Russian, so you catch my drift.
Anyways, knowing that this shitty song is (somehow) popular in America or Japan is just scary.
But as this clever boy (yet uncultivated in his music taste) pointed out: The internet is a hell of a thing.
P.S.:
Please respect Retardia! That's the killer!
Hey Jeff,
as much as I love your writing, I was kind of disappointed at your writing. That song Moskau is not gibberish, it's German (Moskau means Moscow and Dschingis Khan is the German spelling of Genghis Khan. For your education, I enclosed a quick and sloppy translation of the song:
Moskau, fremd und geheimnisvoll,
(Moscow, alien and misterious)
Türme aus rotem Gold, kalt wie das Eis.
(Towers made of red gold, cold like ice)
Moskau, doch wer dich wirklich kennt,
(Moscow, who really knows you though,)
der weiß, ein Feuer brennt in dir so heiß.
(knows, that a hot fire burns in you)
Kosaken hej, hej, hej, leert die Gläser, Natascha ha, ha, ha, du bist schön.
(Cossacs, hej, hej, hej, empty your glasses, Natacha, ha, ha, ha, you're beautiful)
Tawaritsch hej, hej, hej, auf das Leben,
(Tavaritsh, hej, hej, hej, to live,)
auf dein Wohl, Bruder hej Bruder ho! Hej, hej, hej, hej!
(cheers, Brother hej Brother ho! Hej, hej, hej, hej!)
Moskau, Moskau, wirf die Gläser an die Wand,
(Moscow, Moscow, throw you glasses at the wall,)
Rußland ist ein schönes Land, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Hej!
(Russia is a beautiful land, ho,ho,ho,ho,ho! Hej!)
Moskau, Moskau, deine Seele ist so groß,
(Moscow, Moscow, your soul is so big,)
Nachts da ist der Teufel los, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Hej!
(During the night all hell is let loose, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Hej!)
Moskau, Moskau, Liebe schmeckt wie Kaviar,
(Moscow, Moscow, love tastes like Caviar, [if they mean Pussy that's true :-)])
Mädchen sind zum küssen da, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
(Girls are here for kissing, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!)
Moskau, Moskau, komm wir tanzen auf dem Tisch,
(Moscow, Moscow, let's dance on the table,)
bis der Tisch zusammenbricht, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
(until the table breaks, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!)
Moskau, Tor zur Vergangenheit, Spiegel der Zarenzeit, rot wie das Blut.
(Moscow, door to the past, mirror of the times of Czars, red like blood.)
Moskau, wer deine Seele kennt, der weiß, die Liebe brennt heiß wie die Glut
(Moscow, who knows your soul, knows, that love burns hot like embers)
Kosaken hej, hej, hej, leert die Gläser, Natascha ha, ha, ha, du bist schön.
(Cossacs hej, hej, hej, empty your glasses, Natasha, ha, ha, ha, you're beautiful)
Tawaritsch hej, hej, hej, auf das Leben,
(Tavaritsh, hej, hej, hej, to live,)
auf dein Wohl, Bruder hej Bruder ho! Hej, hej, hej, hej!
(cheers, Brother hej Brother ho! Hej, hej, hej, hej!)
Moskau, Moskau, Wodka trinkt man pur und kalt,
(Moscow, Moscow, one drinks Vodka pure and cold)
das macht hundert Jahre alt, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Hej!
(this makes you a hundred years old, ho, ho, ho. ho! Hej!)
Moskau, Moskau, Väterchen dein Glas ist leer,
(Moskau, Moskau, father [Väterchen is a pejorative term for father, for the correct English translation read some famous Russian author like Tolstoi] your glass is empty)
doch im Keller ist noch mehr, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Hej
(but there's more in the cellar, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Hej!)
Cheers
Swisside
Moskau, fremd und geheimnisvoll,
(Moscow, alien and misterious)
Türme aus rotem Gold, kalt wie das Eis.
(Towers made of red gold, cold like ice)
Moskau, doch wer dich wirklich kennt,
(Moscow, who really knows you though,)
der weiß, ein Feuer brennt in dir so heiß.
(knows, that a hot fire burns in you)
Kosaken hej, hej, hej, leert die Gläser, Natascha ha, ha, ha, du bist schön.
(Cossacs, hej, hej, hej, empty your glasses, Natacha, ha, ha, ha, you're beautiful)
Tawaritsch hej, hej, hej, auf das Leben,
(Tavaritsh, hej, hej, hej, to live,)
auf dein Wohl, Bruder hej Bruder ho! Hej, hej, hej, hej!
(cheers, Brother hej Brother ho! Hej, hej, hej, hej!)
Moskau, Moskau, wirf die Gläser an die Wand,
(Moscow, Moscow, throw you glasses at the wall,)
Rußland ist ein schönes Land, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Hej!
(Russia is a beautiful land, ho,ho,ho,ho,ho! Hej!)
Moskau, Moskau, deine Seele ist so groß,
(Moscow, Moscow, your soul is so big,)
Nachts da ist der Teufel los, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Hej!
(During the night all hell is let loose, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Hej!)
Moskau, Moskau, Liebe schmeckt wie Kaviar,
(Moscow, Moscow, love tastes like Caviar, [if they mean Pussy that's true :-)])
Mädchen sind zum küssen da, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
(Girls are here for kissing, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!)
Moskau, Moskau, komm wir tanzen auf dem Tisch,
(Moscow, Moscow, let's dance on the table,)
bis der Tisch zusammenbricht, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
(until the table breaks, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!)
Moskau, Tor zur Vergangenheit, Spiegel der Zarenzeit, rot wie das Blut.
(Moscow, door to the past, mirror of the times of Czars, red like blood.)
Moskau, wer deine Seele kennt, der weiß, die Liebe brennt heiß wie die Glut
(Moscow, who knows your soul, knows, that love burns hot like embers)
Kosaken hej, hej, hej, leert die Gläser, Natascha ha, ha, ha, du bist schön.
(Cossacs hej, hej, hej, empty your glasses, Natasha, ha, ha, ha, you're beautiful)
Tawaritsch hej, hej, hej, auf das Leben,
(Tavaritsh, hej, hej, hej, to live,)
auf dein Wohl, Bruder hej Bruder ho! Hej, hej, hej, hej!
(cheers, Brother hej Brother ho! Hej, hej, hej, hej!)
Moskau, Moskau, Wodka trinkt man pur und kalt,
(Moscow, Moscow, one drinks Vodka pure and cold)
das macht hundert Jahre alt, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Hej!
(this makes you a hundred years old, ho, ho, ho. ho! Hej!)
Moskau, Moskau, Väterchen dein Glas ist leer,
(Moskau, Moskau, father [Väterchen is a pejorative term for father, for the correct English translation read some famous Russian author like Tolstoi] your glass is empty)
doch im Keller ist noch mehr, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Hej
(but there's more in the cellar, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Hej!)
Moskau is one of the most rockin song/dances ever made! After discovering it on YouTube a months or so ago, my friends and I have vowed to perform our own dance rendition of it for a local "Geek Week" event. Now if only we could find someone who can so Louis' (that would be your evil santa claus) dance. The basic steps are easy, but the spins/ breakdancing and whatnot are pretty damn hard, particularly if you attempt them with the flair that that man put into it (he sadly died of Aids several years back).
:D That video was the best music video I've seen in...ever.
I shoulda been born in the 70s.
Despite singing about Moscow, Dschingis Khan are in fact German, or at least sing in German. Y'see, Moskau is the German spelling of Moscow, in Russian the city's actually called Moskva. How do I know this? The internet's a hell of a thing :).
For a brief moment I thought the boy was talking about Moskau by Rammstein (sadly, not a cover version) and the brief thought of a Japanese kid randomly spouting off German heavy metal in class got a good laugh out of me. Of course, then I found out he was randomly spouting off German disco with his gaijin teacher joining in, which made me laugh even harder.
Dschingis Khan is actually German, I have an entire album of theirs and it is actually entertaining, in a language I don't fully understand way.
Well, an interesting fact is, that both songs "Dschinghis Khan" and "Moskau" ranked #1 in the international pop charts in Japan in 1979 in the original german language version :).
Uh, as an addition: Dschingis Khan (the band) topped the charts in Soviet Union, Australia and Israel (only german artist ever so far to succeed in Israel) as well.
I think the "gibberish" he was talking about was called "gibberish" because neither or them could actually decipher the words in the song...German, Russian, Swahili...whatever the language, whatever song it may be. They just sang what they heard. Singing a song in a language that one isn't familiar with is fairly difficult and will probably sound like gibberish no matter what. I know I probably sound ridiculous singing Turkish songs since I don't know any Turkish (and I refer to Turkish because I have a Tarkan cd that I've had for years and I think I know the words...but I just sing what I hear).
Some of you guys are really hard on that little comment, sheesh, lighten up.
Mary Catherine
MOSKAU FOR THE WIN!!!!
Of course, that song/video has a special meaning for "Bleach" fans.
Why? Watch the original video, and then watch this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=NCjQARf01o8.
[/pointless randomness that nobody gives a shit about]
Seriously, in Europe we look at the moskau-video and laugh. It is one of the most disturbed shit coming out of the seventies... And serously, drinking alcohol and having a pre-party with german disco is always a good idea.
Danny:
Thanks for the info that Germany is not part of Russia. I'm sure we're all very glad to have that cleared up. You might have added that neither are France, Poland, Finland, England and Italy (or indeed, the US), to prevent understandable confusion.
And on the subject of the Soviet Union... sorry to disappoint, but Germany was never part of it. That's because the Soviet Union was not identical with the Eastern Block.
Also, please note that Canada is not part of the US, and the US was never officially part of Mexico.
I saw the title for this in the RSS feed and wondered, "...could it be THAT 'Moskau'?" My suspicions proved correct, and I thoroughly enjoyed this entry. The internet is indeed a hell of a thing.
"Please respect retardia."
"Whoops I need an insurance card."
Haha. Your version of Moskau is slightly better than the original.
Hey, AZ, I think you and your students will like this version on YouTube better:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibRMQZgdoTI
I don't know whether to cry, stab my eyes out or giggle like a Japanese school girl . . . if I weren't chewing gum or I was a better multi-tasker I might try and do all 3/4.
There is actually an English version of Moskau. It is called, interestingly enough (not) Moscow. Not sure if it is by the same original band, though it sounds like it. It doesn't appear to be on YouTube but I have the mp3.
For Ms. Americanized, the funny Japanese version:
http://pya.cc/pyaimg/pimg.php?imgid=16420
And lyrics (kind of)
http://d.hatena.ne.jp/lovelovedog/20050803#p1
http://youtube.com/watch?v=NCjQARf01o8
Wow
Shoot, Mary Catherine already beat me to it. "Whoops I need insurance card"? Haha, oh wow. That's *one* way to remember the lyrics... ^^
But yeah, that AMV is how I was exposed to the song as well. The original entry (with higher quality than YouTube) is:
http://www.animemusicvideos.org/members/members_videoinfo.php?v=79882
Hehe. Man. It's really nice to see new stuff on here. That was pretty awesome. And hilarious.
It was original, right? Or am I having a momentary lapse in memory?
Awesome stuff. Nice to see the new content in additition to the already-great old stuff :)
here's power rangers set to Moskau (the good original ones)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh-S_23mo_0&NR
:0
God damn, I love Gaijin Smash XD Oh, just in case you're interested, here's some more Dschingis Khan:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pcIe5ViSoE
Fukken crazy XD
Haha! Usually I don't comment, but I had to at least say Moskau was honestly the thing that made my day.
And it's 11:30, so it'd be tough for anything to beat it.
Here's the version of the lyrics Az is referring to, I believe.
Please Respect Retardia.
Moskau, Moskau!
Filthy ways to underpants,
Whoops, I need insurance card,
Ohroh ho ho ho ho, HEY!
Moskau, Moskau!
Time is real and it's so close,
Nast is out a barf a close,
Ahrah ha ha ha ha, HEY!
Moskau, Moskau!
Please respect Retardia,
Men will drink some spit with towel,
Ohroh ho ho ho ho, HEY!
Moskau, Moskau!
Come and have some humper fish,
This will dish some underzit,
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Mos-skau,
Tool to fun gungan hide,
Spielberg, it's hot inside,
Hold me, that's good...
Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo Mos-skau,
When I'm in sealant pain,
There lies the even pain,
High speed is good...
What I can hate, hey, hey ye ol' bee laser!
(Hey, hey!)
But I can ha, ha, ha your bosom!
(Ha, ha!)
And I can hey, hey, hey believer!
(Hey, hey!)
But I can bowl tension, your tension hooo-ooooo-oood!
(Hey, hey, hey, hey!)
Moskau, Moskau!
Filthy ways to underpants,
Whoops, I need insurance card,
Ohroh ho ho ho ho, HEY!
Moskau, Moskau!
Time is real and it's so close,
Nast is out a barf a close,
Ahrah ha ha ha ha, HEY!
Mooskaauu,
La la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la,
Ho ho ho ho ho, HEY!
Moskau!
(Moskau!)
La la la la la la,
La la la la la la,
Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Lots of "OOOOHHHH-ing" to the instruments)
(Moskau! Moskau!)
(Bass voice)
Moskau, Moskau!
Look, I drink my food with pride,
Yes, my tune medallion hide,
Ho ho ho ho ho, hey!
Moskau, Moskau!
Favour in gin glasses split,
Duck, you can not in DOS fit,
Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Moskau!)
(Moskau!)
What I can hate, hey, hey ye ol' bee laser!
(Hey, hey!)
But I can ha, ha, ha your bosom!
(Ha, ha!)
And I can hey, hey, hey believer!
(Hey, hey!)
But I run through the hill for your hooo-oooo-oood!
(Hey, hey, hey, hey!)
Moskau, Moskau!
Filthy ways to underwear,
Whoops, I need insurance card,
Ohroh ho ho ho ho, HEY!
Moskau, Moskau!
Time is real and it's so close,
Nast is out a barf a close,
Ahrah ha ha ha ha, HEY!
Moskau, Moskau!
Please respect Retardia,
Men will drink some spit with towel,
Ohroh ho ho ho ho, HEY!
Moskau, Moskau!
Come and have some humper fish,
This will dish some underzit,
Ha ha ha ha ha, HEY!
Found here:
http://community.livejournal.com/found_online/85385.html?mode=reply
(Az's Note: THANK YOU! I've been looking for those forever.)
Do these original entries take place in between the reposts that they're posted between? If so, that's gonna screw up the chronological order when the dates are changed to the originals for the reposts.
But mainly, I'm wondering if the kid knew about it from YTMND. That's where I know it from, anyway. http://moskaudance.ytmnd.com/
Cool but the guy out of Boney M is more impressive as a dancer.
All they is that guy performing with the Moskau people and it would be mind-blowingly awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3XW6iMHYHo
im really really shocked...
moskau, the drunken bawl smash hit,
is known by americans and japanese....
and so many germans (like i am) read this too??
anyway if u liked moskau
maybe u wanna check out there other [atleast in germany..) very known song
Dschinghis Khan at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jVyjfTLDNU
That song is awesome... And indeed, that boy's enlightened to the great web.
Tower, thank you for that wonderful Boney M video, it made my night.
I was just about to suggest, that maybe, for shits and giggles, you could get some of your students to sing "Rah Rah Rasputin," though as great as German disco is, German 80's rock is better. The WTF factor of Nena's "Irgendwie, Irgendwo, Irgendwann" cannot be matched my anything else http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdPuSW2Loc4
and Udo Lindenberg's "Sonderzug nach Moskau" is one wondefully addictive.
I would like to point out that there are some very very dark parts of german history. Many Germans even today feel embarrassed to talk about that. So please try not to mention too much of these... horrible crimes to the mankind...
How could you read the 4 consonant part of Dschingis Khan and not instantly realize they are german? As those germans sure like their consonants, eh?
Haha, I read this on Friday, then today (Sunday) when I was getting a ride from my B&B to Nikko station, Moskau was playing on the radio! I guess this song is making a comeback in Japan.
Moskau is, like, the greatest song EVAR. I saw it in the karaoke book last time I was out and nearly fainted.
In case you're interested, the same band also did a "Japanese" song: Samurai.
Check out the hokey video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvE6CZNxJpI
Having never heard this song ever in my life i needed to find out what this whole thing was all about... Youtube+genius... What was even more amazing was that literally the next day i find myself at the Crocs vs Hawks por Austrlian basketball game.. Middle of the third quarter.. and what plays? The game just wont ever be the same.......
One of the best comment posts I have seen on this Site.
Hahaha! I actually just saw the ytmnd the day before I read this post...Kinda creepy.
Anyway, did a little research. Found out what the kid had probably seen to familiarize him with this ancient German hit...
http://pya.cc/pyaimg/pimg.php?imgid=16420
Cats and all.
Hallo! I am, actually, from Russia, so i can assure you all, that song is not Russian! However it's also quite popular here, really don't know why. Thanks for your stories, they are pretty cool. Hm... it's a bit strange to look for some information about Japan and find this, but... "The internet's a hell of a thing."
"Moskau" is a nice song for a big party when everybody is quite drunk start to form up into a circle and try to dance Cossachok/Kasatschok together (see the videos ... means getting into a kind of squat and dancing from this position (throwing the legs without toppling over)).
However, I can't put japanese kids and this song together in my head. It just doesn't add up. Awful. Won't be long and they will discover the NDW (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neue_Deutsche_Welle). Nooooooo! :)
dschenglish.ytmnd.com
I actually only know Moskau from Japanese karaoke. In fact, when I was in nagoya I was with a lot of international student, some of them german. And when we went karaokeing, they didn't have such a broad choice of german song, thus singing Moskau.
It's actually pretty fun when everyone knows it and just shout it along.
you're stories are awesome! they are *so* true!
my friends (Japanese, I'm German) didn't know Moskau, but they know (and like) Rammstein and Kraftwerk... Hell, not even I knew Kraftwerk!