I'm assigned to three different Japanese middle schools. The grade levels are ichinensei, ninensei, and sannensei. These translate to "1st years," "2nd years," and "3rd years," and are equivalent to American 7-9th grades. So the kids are about 12-15 years old. The ichinensei are just beginning to learn English. So this means they know nothing. Well, they know "Good Morning" and "I go to school by bike" but that's about it. Some of them don't even know that.
You know what's kind of funny though? Some kids can't yet say "Good morning" but damn near all of them can ask if I have a big dick. Or "bigu dikku" in Engrish.
You see, Japan's an island no bigger than California, and information about the rest of the world is filtered. There are so few foreigners here, their only impressions of things outside Japan are from the media. And to be honest, they don't really give a damn about anything other than America. So try to imagine a country where the national perception of you is created by American movies, music, and MTV. When you stop crying and shaking at the sheer horror of that thought, I'll be here waiting.
Okay? OK. The whole "black men have big dicks" stereotype stretches far and wide, even to the nation's 12-year-olds. Part of why I'm here is not just to kind-of-sort-of help teach English, but to "broaden cultural perceptions." Break stereotypes, challenge preconceived notions, all that jazz. That's fine, but this is one stereotype I think I'm gonna let slide.
Still, I am asked "bigu dikku?" a lot. Every 2-3 days in fact, which is amazing considering I was asked this about 2-3 times in my entire life in America, locker room jokes aside. How do you answer that anyway? To a 12 to 15-year-old? I wave them off and say, "No, no, no." Then they say, "Oh, sumaru dikku?" (trans: small dick) and of course that's wrong so I have to correct them. It's just a no-win situation.
On the days I'm not avoiding that question, I'm avoiding them actually trying to grab it. I kid you not, I have to play Dodgedick with Japanese Jr. High kids on a weekly basis. Age, gender, doesn't matter, they all want a stab at it. The boys are more persistent though. I had one boy grab for it, and when I said, "No!" he put his hands together and said, in English, "Please!" Oh hell no. Another 12-year-old boy kept grabbing at it, and when I told him, "No!" he politely asked, "Why not?" I began to wonder if there wasn't some cultural more I didn't understand. So I said clearly, "Age 10 years and become female since birth, then we'll talk." His solution was to ask the girl sitting next to him to trade seats, grab my dick, and tell him about it.
That was so NOT what I meant.
I wish I could say it stops there. Let me introduce you to a game Japanese kids like to play called "Kancho." It's not as much a 'game' as it is kids clasping their hands together, sticking out their first fingers, and shoving them up your butt. I'm really not joking.
Just about any kid can be a Kancho Assassin. Even the sweetest little girl is liable to jam her fingers up your ass the second you turn around. This happened to one of my friends, which just goes to show - don't trust anyone. I'd say the little girls are the most dangerous because they have natural ways of lowering your defenses.
During JET orientation they told me a lot of ultimately useless stuff: what kind of computer to bring, if my DVD's would work, clothing sizes, that kind of nonsense. Nowhere, and I mean nowhere, in the 3-4 months of training did anyone ever mention that at some point, a Japanese kid may try to stick his fingers up my butt. That's something I would have liked to know, personally.
I was pretty lucky. Before I left the US, I bought a really big, really baggy pair of pants. The kids try to Kancho... they just have no idea where my ass is. It's beautiful! One kid tried and his fingers hit nothing but jean fabric and air. Yes! I've also become pretty good at dodging it. Much like Spiderman I have developed a Kancho Sense that tells me where and when it's coming before it comes. I parry fingers like a pro. My record is still 100% Kancho Free. Ha! America 2, Japan 0.
All in a day's work I suppose.
What happened to the archive?! It makes me sad, this was a wonderful source of entertainment and now my friends and I are shamefully underdosed with Japanese-education amusement stories.
I hope you kept backups :(
Congratulations on the webiste move. Suggestion: you should append these posts to reflect the ORIGINAL date you put them on the web....(if I recall correctly, this first posted dated May 24 was the first "I am a Japanese School Teacher" entry made, like, what, 2 years ago?)....
It is nice to now read through the revised archives, it brings back good memories. While I was in Japan on an immersion trip I read the old archives and the kids in my group got a kick out of it...
Anywho, good to see you! Can't wait to read the more current stuff...
Could you keep the old site up with the archive, next to this new site?
I like the old clean style better of the old site (with the archive) on outpostnine>>> the content is what matters, not the looks
....plus this new site has a green and a grey bar which takes up a third of the page width >>> Because of this, the editorial doesn't read as well as it used to be...this new style is annoying...
The old outpostnine site also has a new annoying style. Lots of disturbing fonts and pics which distract a lot >>> sorry Az, but returning to the clean style (retro) is just better
Besides that >>> didn't you have a forum and a e-mail for comments...I don't want to see all the retarded comments of visitors on your future editorials (such as: 'yeah that's cool' or 'I can't believe Japanese are like that') >>> your e-mail is better equipped for filtering useless content...
I'm not bashing your editorials, they are just great. The style of your new site, makes reading your stories a bit harder... >>> keeping the archive up on outpostnine alongside this new site, would give the readers a chance to choose their favorite reading style...
Kind Regards,
Mikeymike
I am also saddened by the removal of the archives. I've been a dedicated follower of Azrael's journey since Day 1. I hope to see more. :D
Where are the rest?
Umm... update?
i hope the archive gets fised up by the end of the day. cant wait to read the latest.
My God, Az... What have you done? I hope all of the editorial entries will be up soon? And what's with this cheap desire for extra popularity by buying a domen? We love your editorials anyway. )) I've shared the link to your page with half my ICQ contact list already. ))
G-luck, from Russia with love.
Yes, please !!!!!
Give us the old stories back !
I am now in Japan myself working part-time as an English teacher and was jast in the middle of your stories, pissed my pants every time I read them.
I hope you can bring them back up soon....
Otherwise I will personaly come over to kancho you *g*
Oh wow you moved! I thought this editorial title was familiar.
Dude, nice move! I look forward to future updates!
Sweet upgrade dude. I just hope you are going to post the other archives. Nice color scheme for the site though.
I hope to read some new stuff soon.
wow.
I was on the other site this morning reading the old gaijin smash post.
comming home after school to find this is kinda freaky.
Congradulations on the new site. ^^
I'm loving this more then I thought I would ^^
Keep it up! Take care!
Aha! a new site design! its very nice, but you are going to have to transfer an absurd amount of editorials here... That and the layout is a tad narrow from being so used to an entire page of your adventures. I hope that all my bookmarks for the previous editorials stay the same url. It would be annoying to go through them all again to find my favorites.
Update please; love the drama!
I dont get on here often enough to keep up compeltely with your awesome posts and now that you have no archive, I can't catch up! =(
Congratulations on the move. I've been reading your site for oh...has to be a year now and it NEVER ceases to make me laugh my butt off. Thanks for exposing all of us to what it's like over there. :)
Moving up in the world, eh Az? Been reading Outpost Nine since the early Japanese Teacher tutorials. Gone from some guy with a little website where he posts editorials about his day to day life to rubbing shoulders with Tucker Max. Amazing isn't it? Good luck, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this after you get back home.
Awesome new setup. It's good to know you'll keep this going after your years under JET are done. I was wondering about that the past few months. Can't wait till the next post =D
LOL! Love the graphic at the top!
Hey, I loved your old posts...will they ever be archived on this site?
Aww...somewhat disappointed with the changes in OP9. I guess it takes time to get used to it huh? I was hoping to read a brand new entry. So, where did the other previous entries go?
Hey Az, congrats on the move! Hopefully your editorials will now be read by an even wider audience. Don't believe truth is stranger than fiction? Read on!
so... you're starting over?
You could just put the first few (with some alterations) as an intro and then continue with the new stories. You had like what? 80? a 100? 37? gonna take a long time to catch up like this.
I have been faitfully following your exploits for about two years now, YOU ARE A HERO!!!!! If it had been me... I would have brought a gun or something, long before now. Jeez they really sound rotten ya know, I suppose there are alot of good times, but they those wouldn't make such wonderful media now would they? Anyways, I'm lovin the new place, and to everyone here in America who's taking up Kancho, that is a cultural boundry that should never EVER be crossed, as a girl who's had her ass grabbed before, the ass is SACRED!!!! That is a NO TOUCHING ZONE!!! Maybe you should get a sign to put up in your class room that says in both English and Japanese: MY BUTT AND DICK IS OFF LIMITS! O_o on second thought that might encourage them... Anyways keep up the good work and remember people here in America are rooting for ya!
Az has finally sold out. Check out the phalanx of Google Ads on the right hand side.
Are all your stories going to be ported over? I've been waiting in anticipation for a new story for weeks, and kind of disappointed that there's nothing new.
But the site looks good. Although, I'm not sure what was wrong with the old one?
As others stated, I love your site and reading the articles, but where are they all? I thought this one was new at first, but it certainly is not.
Hope the transition goes well, can't wait to see some new stuff.
Where is everything, please go back to the old site@!!!
Wow! Love the new site, although the green can get to burning your eyes. I'd been meaning to re-read the archives starting at the beginning, and this makes it a lot easier. Now I can go around and quote the old ones more accurately. Thanks! Loved these since I first read them, and will continue to read for a looong time.
This is my first time reading your work, but anything that involves foreign children fingering your brown eye is a pretty decent measure of genius. You have a new and loyal reader.
Damn, I checked the other site once a week hoping for a new post about Japanese Culture and the way you perceive it (and most likely any American who has been there as long as you). Now I find that I am going to be re-reading all the posts you made over the last 2 years. Eh, at least I have a bad memory and don't remember every detail. Hope this move works out well for you, and I love the name you chose for the site.
im sure everything will be in order in due time
So, how do we get to the archives? When I click on archives, I only see the first (original) entry. Funny though, the date says May 24, 2006, but wasn't this one from a few years ago? Where are all the posts?
Why did you get rid of the old site? Sure it could have used a visual upgrade, but I'm not a big fan of the green, or the fact that the entire archive is gone.
Yes! This deserved its own website in the first place. Long live the Gaijin Smash and your mis-adventures in Japan! If I could meet you, I would shake your hand, sir. Probably a welcome reprieve from having said hand shanking your anal cavity.
"Dodgedick", thats fucking hilarious
To everyone who's wondering where the archive is, this is just the first day of his new site. He will probably transfer the rest of the archive over soon. Have patience.
Congratz on the move, Az! I've been a big fan for about a year now. Good to know that you'll finally start getting some more mainstream attention. You deserve every bit of it.
Hope we can get some new stuff soon, though.
Congrats on the move, Az! Can't wait until you get your archives up, and I guess this explains why your updates have been slow lately. :)
Awesome new site, but I do hope you have back-ups of those stories cause I didn't get to read all of them!
shame....
i really liked the simple, easy to read layout of how this was previously.
"My Kids Are Perverted - May 24, 2006"
afaik, that's FAR older than today
at the very least, i would expect the newest article/post to be the 1st one on the 1st page, with links going back or to a list of all of them
:(
Your articles have always been amusing.
Congrats on the new site, Az!!!
From Malaysia&Singapore,
Leo.
puzzeled by your move. Your content is awesome enough you dont *need* to go to a portal, so why go to this group? I dislike the site desing too, you old was nice and clutter free. Stil, i wish you alll the best and i hope you make at least some $$ from being on this crappy network.
GIMME A NEW TUTORIAL!!! and please post all the old ones back up
Haha, glad to see that you have a site primarily for the Teacher Editorials now. I've been reading since the first dozen or so articles. I was surprised at the popularity of the articles. I would see random people at my school and even some relatives reading them.
This idea is ridiculous. You should have stayed at OP9. You had no reasons to change domains and remove all of your work. Your old writings looked much more professional.
Also, this layout looks like vomit. And the drawing is incredibly shitty. And the columns are too fucking narrow. I will have to copy and paste into notepad to read them properly. Jesus man, why did you have to change? To make it look more generation X?
So it could fit in with the thousands of uninteresting blogs on the internet? This hurts. I hope I can read all of your stuff off of archive.org, because I won't be visiting this site regularly.
I'm really glad I recently reread all these editorials, given the sudden lack of archive. I've been dipping into them a lot recently.
The first editorial was posted Nov 2004 I believe. I got passed the link in december or january (there were only 5ish when i started reading) and I've been hooked ever since. There have been over a 100, I remember noticing one day that Azrael had passed it. I remember that it was quite appropriate that it was a Moeko one that marked the milestone.
Anyways, hope the archive is up swiftly and I agree that the dates should be modified to reflect the original dates, if only to help keep track of the kids age. Measuring time by Watson cannot possibly be the best strategy. Either that or someone gets bored and makes a chart >.>
My adult son got me started reading your work at Outpost Nine; it's very interesting & entertaining, although I have to admit I "censor" when reading some of the funny stuff to my husband (words get changed to "stuff" & "freak" & the like), for my own comfort. I'm glad you're moving up, but really wish you had chosen a place that had a tamer name.