Mastiker
09-21-2005, 04:38 AM
Hopefully this is the start of a chain of editorials by me. This first one has no story, it's just an introduction as to what my family is like.
(Note: chances are, this isn't funny.)
There is nothing cool about my family, but that's mostly because most of my family isn't related to me. My mom and dad have been divorced in four years, and my dad has been seeing the whore that split them up ever since. Her name is Darlene, and I hate her. She has two kids, Joey (23) and Corey (16), and they are the most spoiled punks ever. They are whiter than paper, live in a town with a population under 6000, live in the nicest part of town, and seem to think that they are ghetto. Just imagine putting up with them half of the year. The only good thing out of knowing of Darlene's existince is Lisa, her niece, who is the coolest person ever. And hot to boot. As for the rest of Darlene's family, they are the most redneck people ever. I live in a state where there are very few rednecks, and I know almost all of them. Fuck yeah.
Then there's my immediate family. My eldest bro, Jeremy(Geo) is okay. He just recently finished college and is working as a substitute. My other older brother, Marc, is... a pain in the ass. I'll go into detail about him later. I'm the third child. Then comes my little sister, Laura, who has mastered the ability to milk every cent out of my father. And this was before my parents were divorced. My mom is a vibrant woman, but since we're poor and she's by herself... it's really hard for her. My dad is... well my dad is a generic father figure. He's not the worst guy in the world like Geo and my mother makes him out to be. Then again, sometimes he can be a really stupid ass.
On my dad's side, I have two grandparents, three aunts, two uncles, and four cousins. First, theirs Nonno and Didi, my grandfather and grandmother. Nonno is an old man, and is on the verge of death's door. Of course, he's been like this for five years, so it's nothing of a shock to hear he's in the hospital. Didi is an old woman, but not nearly as old as Nonno. She can almost keep up with the current times, but its still odd to hear her swear. Every time she swears, I bet you a kitten dies.
Then onto my dad's older brother Jon, and his wife Sue. Jon had a stroke some years back, and now stays at home... which is pretty much what he did anyways. He works on computers, and has a shit load of music, so his office is usually full of of computer parts and/or old records. My aunt Sue is as much of a hippie woman as I've ever seen. Their kids, Marta and Bram, each have their own hippie traits from her, and it's kinda weird. You wouldn't think that they were related to us. Hell, Sue didn't even take Jon's last name. She's definitely an independent woman. And it scares the hell out of me.
My dad only has one sister, my aunt Marissa. Not much is known about her, except that she never visists, has health problems related to smoking, and is not married.
My dad has a younger brother, Chris, who is married to Mary. They are still in their thrities I think... or close to it at least. Chris owns a diner in the city he lives in, and Mary works in some sort of food related place. I think its some sort of volunteer work. And Nick and Alicia. Nick is a shrimp, and loves hockey. A lot. Alicia is seven and as such is the coolest girl ever. They live in the same city as Jon and Sue, but both families are the exact opposite.
Anyways, for the most part that's my family. Once I sort out a good story I want to tell people, I will post it.:D
(Note: chances are, this isn't funny.)
There is nothing cool about my family, but that's mostly because most of my family isn't related to me. My mom and dad have been divorced in four years, and my dad has been seeing the whore that split them up ever since. Her name is Darlene, and I hate her. She has two kids, Joey (23) and Corey (16), and they are the most spoiled punks ever. They are whiter than paper, live in a town with a population under 6000, live in the nicest part of town, and seem to think that they are ghetto. Just imagine putting up with them half of the year. The only good thing out of knowing of Darlene's existince is Lisa, her niece, who is the coolest person ever. And hot to boot. As for the rest of Darlene's family, they are the most redneck people ever. I live in a state where there are very few rednecks, and I know almost all of them. Fuck yeah.
Then there's my immediate family. My eldest bro, Jeremy(Geo) is okay. He just recently finished college and is working as a substitute. My other older brother, Marc, is... a pain in the ass. I'll go into detail about him later. I'm the third child. Then comes my little sister, Laura, who has mastered the ability to milk every cent out of my father. And this was before my parents were divorced. My mom is a vibrant woman, but since we're poor and she's by herself... it's really hard for her. My dad is... well my dad is a generic father figure. He's not the worst guy in the world like Geo and my mother makes him out to be. Then again, sometimes he can be a really stupid ass.
On my dad's side, I have two grandparents, three aunts, two uncles, and four cousins. First, theirs Nonno and Didi, my grandfather and grandmother. Nonno is an old man, and is on the verge of death's door. Of course, he's been like this for five years, so it's nothing of a shock to hear he's in the hospital. Didi is an old woman, but not nearly as old as Nonno. She can almost keep up with the current times, but its still odd to hear her swear. Every time she swears, I bet you a kitten dies.
Then onto my dad's older brother Jon, and his wife Sue. Jon had a stroke some years back, and now stays at home... which is pretty much what he did anyways. He works on computers, and has a shit load of music, so his office is usually full of of computer parts and/or old records. My aunt Sue is as much of a hippie woman as I've ever seen. Their kids, Marta and Bram, each have their own hippie traits from her, and it's kinda weird. You wouldn't think that they were related to us. Hell, Sue didn't even take Jon's last name. She's definitely an independent woman. And it scares the hell out of me.
My dad only has one sister, my aunt Marissa. Not much is known about her, except that she never visists, has health problems related to smoking, and is not married.
My dad has a younger brother, Chris, who is married to Mary. They are still in their thrities I think... or close to it at least. Chris owns a diner in the city he lives in, and Mary works in some sort of food related place. I think its some sort of volunteer work. And Nick and Alicia. Nick is a shrimp, and loves hockey. A lot. Alicia is seven and as such is the coolest girl ever. They live in the same city as Jon and Sue, but both families are the exact opposite.
Anyways, for the most part that's my family. Once I sort out a good story I want to tell people, I will post it.:D