Marriage

[MajorProblem]

Alright, I haven't talked to you guys in a long time. Remember when I talked about the girl I met a week ago? She's 15, alost 16, and I'm 16. Next summer, we're gonna get married. We're really deep in love, and you can't change my mind, I just want to see what you guys think of marriage so early. I mean, she'll be 16, I'll be 17, she'll be a junior at my school, I'll be a senior...plus, there's infinite possibilities considering we're both in JROTC. I posted this part because I feel like I have to yell it to the world, part because I want to see what everyone else thinks, mostly the former. Discuss, but remember, I'm not changing my mind.

[nice gaijin]

I think it's a bad idea but I won't bother trying to convince you otherwise, since you're young and in love. Follow whatever path you wish to lead and remember that your decisions have an effect on those around you.

[Stephy]

Congrats.

But, prehaps it's a little too early?

Hehe, but there is no changing the mind of someone in love, so I will shut up. :)

[Lateli]

Wow, well... Is that legal? Err, well I guess it is, my dad was married when he was 17 because she was pregnant, she was 16, the marriage was annulled/divorced/whatever they did within the year. My half-sister's other half-sister is getting married next summer too, she'll be turning 18.. I don't know if it will last or not, I guess it's possible, but .. Are you sure you're not rushing this?

[pva_glue]

you probably hear that alot but arent you guys bit too young for that?


but if you are in love you are in love :)

[MajorProblem]

It's legal with parent's permission, at least in Texas. And it looks like you guys get the point, you won't change my mind :)

[Arctic_Slicer]

Marriage is a terrible concept that has no place in modern society. You should not go through with this plan as it will most certainally bring you trouble both emotionally and finacially.

[koku]

hmmm. Why marraige? Why not just a deep serious relationship??

Whatever you do, just don't have children :P That way it doesn't throw the rest of your life in only one direction.

Still young, live your life and careers first.

But Congrats on finding a great relationship.

[MajorProblem]

hmmm. Why marraige? Why not just a deep serious relationship??

Whatever you do, just don't have children :P That way it doesn't throw the rest of your life in only one direction.

Still young, live your life and careers first.

But Congrats on finding a great relationship.
Yeah, we had NO plans on having children. Plus, I want to get married quick before I enlist in the Army

[Shamu]

Well, not to throw fuel to the fire. But my cousin was married at 17, she's still married and even though she and her husband have been through some rough times (what marriage hasn't?), she's still very happy with him.
So, I guess congratulations. I could say that 17 is too young, but I know 35 year olds that are still too young and couldn't handle marriage, so I guess it really depends on how mature you are and what you guys think you can handle.
Good luck!

[setrict]

I almost lost a friend telling him he was nuts for getting married at 18. The friendship has never been quite the same since. The marriage lasted less than 2yrs.

On the other hand, I've got another friend who met his wife at 16 and has been happily married for over 10 years now. Hubby and wife couldn't agree on when to have children at first, so she solved the debate by secretly stopping the pills.

Personally I think you are rushing it. You both need some moved out of the parents place 'me' living before heading into what should be a life long partnership. You'd be suprised how much that changes you.

You're nuts, but good luck and remember b-control pills for here AND a rubber just to be sure.

[MajorProblem]

We're going to keep it non-sexual until we're 18 at least, and I'll use protection if we do. I know we're rushing it, but there's nothing to slow us down. My own best friend called me crazy at first, but he realized that when I do something, I'm completely sure of it. It just seems like we fit so perfectly together. I haven't cried for years until I met her, same with her, but they were tears of joy for finding each other. And yes, I am completely awate that we are completely nuts, setrict.

[Kaji]

Not to sound crass or belittle marriage, but if you're not planning to get sexual until 2 years from now anyway then why not just have a long engagement?

[Nessa]

How long have you known this girl?

May I ask why you're choosing to keep it non-sexual until you're 18? Marriages have to be consumated y'know. ;)

But if you feel that you're really ready for marriage, then follow your heart and go for it.:)

[Jiant Flying Panda]

Dude..... 17 is way too young.

But.... Whatever. I think you should do what Kokujin and Kaji said and have a long relationship/engagement. At least then you can see where this will lead.

But. Still, Good luck man. :D

[chgu]

We're going to keep it non-sexual until we're 18 at least, and I'll use protection if we do.
Don't make me stab you. Unless you're stuck over in Iraq or something, there's no way in hell it's going to stay non sexual. I'd love to hear the argument on that one.

Anywho, it still depends on your own maturity level, and you don't necessarily need to live alone, but it helps a lot. Just watch out for how things change once you get out of school. I was engaged not too long ago, and we were both 18. It's a long story on what happened, but it had nothing to do with things "just not working out".

Oh well. I know how you feel and I hope you have more luck than me. I'm just a tool for self improvement, so I'm a little bitter/cynical/turned away from relationships for now.

[MajorProblem]

Not to sound crass or belittle marriage, but if you're not planning to get sexual until 2 years from now anyway then why not just have a long engagement?
Alright, the no sex thing is really unrealistic, but we just want to get married to show the world our love, I guess. Plus, we're showing our commitment to each other. Also, at least we aren't doing what she suggested and get married in A MONTH

[Nessa]

A month?!o_O Yikes!

[Kaji]

Marriages are more than just for show is the thing, though. Besides, those who make a point of flaunting their love for the rest of the world to see usually end up having the most problems, in my experience. When things go sour they try to keep up a facade so nobody else knows, and other people tend to get turned off by the sickening degree of public affection that tends to ensue. If you're committed to going through with it anyway then you're committed to going through with it, but give it some time. Also remember that the girl's 15, and AoC laws were instituted for good reason...

[Benaire]

Woohoo Grats but now i think your pulling our leg. I could be wrong but hey thats me im paranoid and a cynic.

Anyway grats have fun.

[Psychochink]

By my count, this relationship is precisely 9 days old, correct?

Hey, I don't know you and you wouldn't listen to me anyway, so go for it. (If only for my amusement.)

[Anubis Nine]

My older brother and sister in law met when they were 15, started dating when they were 16. And now are 24 and very in love and married. Not all highschool romances are doomed to fail,

[Psychochink]

My older brother and sister in law met when they were 15, started dating when they were 16. And now are 24 and very in love and married. Not all highschool romances are doomed to fail,

Nobody's saying they can't. Hell, I met my fiancee when she was 17, six years ago.

But, y'know, they started seeing each other nine days ago...

[DarkFire168]

I know I can't convince you of this, but I feel a small duty to try at least a little.

You're both young and stupid. That feeling your getting, yeah the one between your legs, isn't love, it's hormones. Getting married at your age is stupid. Don't do it.

Aaaaand Done.

Well since I can't convince you, have a good life, may your marriage be long and fruitful, yadda yadda yadda.

[d0nk3y]

You can get married on one condition.

Come here and tell us when it fails.

[4letterwords]

It's not my place, really, but I kindof feel like I have to try.

I don't believe that you know enough about eachother in the 9 days of the relationship to say that you will spend the rest of your lives with them. Especially since the girl is 15, I don't honestly believe that either of you are ready for a commitment of that level. You can't even drive at 15, so marriage is utterly ridiculous.

But, like I said... it's not my place. I can't stop you, so the best I can do is offer my blessing. Good luck!

[ChronoSphere]

This is not going to end well.

[Katiekoneko]

I think ppl should get married if they are ready for it.
from how you described things.. I dont think you are.

But whatever. You said nothing we say will change it..thats fine.
I think about ppl getting married young is "its their choice"
I wouldnt...and I agree I with someone who said some ppl even when they are 30something and still arent ready.
I just think ppl should be more finacially stable and mature enough to marry each other.
And 16 year olds brains still arent fully developed so I dont think they should.
Also, I thought you had to be old enough to vote at least to be able to marry someone?
Or atleast there was some sort of restriction about this..in some states?
Am I wrong? or... Maybe Im right???
Or is it even like that in Canada?
I dunno.

[d0nk3y]

No girl knows what she wants in a man at age 15.

[Katiekoneko]

wow..sorry I missed afew posts. I guess ppl said that people are allowed to marry with parental concent
it isnt just the AGE part that bugs me..its the 9 day old relationship part.
(sorry I didnt edit)


*edited THIS msg:

I must say..comming from a girl who's in a long distance relationship with an army guy..
I think you both are too young and arent thinking this through.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and if we didnt have a STRONG BOND (or however you word it) before he went to another place for everything (military junk) then we wouldnt have been able to keep it together. I just dont understand how you think you know enough about eachother yet to jump into marriage.

Also..
You said you are 16 and shes 15 almost 16. And you want to get married in a year.
But then wait til you're BOTH 18 to have sex? (If I miss read Im sorry)
are you not going to consummate the relationship then? Cuz if not doesnt that mean you arent married anyhow?

[chgu]

What the fuck? Do I need to get your IP address, trace it, fly all the way to wherever you are and beat some sense into you two? For nine days, you might as well just get a mail-order bride.

But, since you won't be swayed, I agree with Donkey. You have to tell us when it fails.

[Lateli]

I just hope she'll be more committed to you than she was to that abstinence club. :/

[nice gaijin]

didn't catch the 9-day old part, where did that come from? (perhaps the date from the other thread he created?)

if this is the case... I can only hope you learn from your mistake.

[Katiekoneko]

I think ppl just added up the dates from last time he posted maybe?

[Lateli]

Well, here's the other thread with the dates and stuffs, http://www.outpostnine.com/forum/showthread.php?t=786 . And all the relationship info, from the beginning O_O.

[Nessa]

are you not going to consummate the relationship then? Cuz if not doesnt that mean you arent married anyhow?

From what I understand, yup. A marriage isn't legal until it's consummated.

[Collapse]

9 days. What's your malfunction, soldier? And so young too. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, that's why people have a hard time choosing someone perfect for them.

But hey, no holding you back means a married life at an early age. Tell me, where do you plan to live and who's going to work/stay at home? As well as a lot of questions married couples encounter. Will you live with your parents? Just asking.

Again, salutations.

[KKF]

I guess I'll be the asshole and call you a major moron! Im sorry but you have NO idea what marriage and a lasting relationship is at all. Its not easy and once the freshness of falling in love wears off you'll hit reality hard! Especially if you plan to join the Army.

Here is my advise take it for what you will. First off don't get married till atleast 4 years, and even then thats a bit soon. Also make sure you live with the girl for a bit before you marry her. Next realize that THIS is not what real love is. Real love takes time, dedication, and LOTS of hard work. You have faced neither of those yet. Next realize that being married and split up for long periods of times causes a lot of stress. And last but not least your putting both of your family through a lot of stress because of this. Stop thinking about yourselves and start thinking about them.

One last point, if you really love each other what does it matter if you wait to get married in a year or four years. The longer you wait the more likely your marriage will last and succeed.

[Kaji]

Must admit, it'll make for a hell of a wedding night...50s style!

"Ready for bed, honey?"
"Ready!"
*climb into their own separate twin beds, hubby turns out the light and they both go to sleep*

[MeneerDijk]

I have my own views on marriage, and i could ramble on and on about how good or bad an idea it is. But the fact of the matter is, it's your own life, your own choice. Do as you like, and be happy! Who knows what the future holds in store, you might divorce after 3 months, you might stay together for the rest of your lives!

So... Is there going to be a party? Are we invited? can we throw you a bachelor party? (without alcohol or strippers ofcourse, that would be illegal)

[Myrsilus]

Good luck man... I don't agree one bit with what you two are doing, but I hope you all can live a good life with one another.

The only thing I ask of you is to be careful with sex... Don't lose control and forget about protection. If you have a baby and are not ready to take care of it, then you are an idiot. But I'm sure you can control yourself... I hope.

[Pierrot le Fou]

You already screwed her, but honestly think you're going to be able to resist doing it again through 2 years of marriage?

You are still in school, and living with your parents, so where exactly will you live together?

You're 16, she's 15. How are you going to be able to afford college? Marriage is expensive (believe it or not).

You've had no experience with other women, she's had no experience with other men, yet you think that somehow your sex life is going to be healthy with no grounds for comparison?

You've known her for 9 days, but are already planning the wedding?

You've both asked your parents for permission, and they've both said yes? What is wrong with your parents?

You're young kids with little education, no jobs, and no idea of what you want to do with your life. You've known each other for 9 days. You've made promises that are absolutely ridiculous for absolutely no reason whatsoever. You're planning a life-changing event without even giving yourself time to reflect on the time you've spent together so far.

If I married every woman that I had a splendid 9 days with, then I'd have been divorced about 11 times so far. Relationships always start out great, and with the hormones flowing, the concept of 'love' as a justification for the sex is a problem with many younger kids. Marriage is forever. You have to deal with SO many problems throughout a lifetime, and make so many sacrifices for your significant other, that treating it lightly is hurting the concept of marriage as well as yourself.

Marriage is marketed as this romantic display of affection, but it's so much more than that. It's a huge responsibility that NEITHER of you is in a position to commit to.

If you want to do it, go ahead. Chances are you'll get tired of it soon enough to get it annulled, and will realize the importance of protection in the interim. If you want to fuck up your life without thinking it through, go ahead. There is NO REASON to get married in a year. None. Waiting is not a problem, and if it's truly love, then she'll wait for you to get a real job, and you'll wait for her to graduate high school. Then at least you'll both be able to live together somewhere without having to worry about getting an education or running out of money constantly.

God forbid you toss in some foresight to your plans here.

[Ceirnian]

You can get married on one condition.

Come here and tell us when it fails.

^ Quoted for truth.

I don't see a point to give you reasons not to do this, just promise to tell us right when it fails. If it works out I'll be damn suprised.

[edit] I can't resist.

Can you give me one -good- reason why you should get married so soon instead of waiting it out for a few years?

[ChronoSphere]

You know, I wonder if he's actually telling the truth, or just saying this to see what the reaction is.

[Kass]

Getting married that young is just plain stupid. Exactly how do you plan on attending school and supporting two people when your parents toss you out?

Please don't have kids.

[Samwise]

Alright, I haven't talked to you guys in a long time. Remember when I talked about the girl I met a week ago? She's 15, alost 16, and I'm 16. Next summer, we're gonna get married. We're really deep in love, and you can't change my mind, I just want to see what you guys think of marriage so early. I mean, she'll be 16, I'll be 17, she'll be a junior at my school, I'll be a senior...plus, there's infinite possibilities considering we're both in JROTC. I posted this part because I feel like I have to yell it to the world, part because I want to see what everyone else thinks, mostly the former. Discuss, but remember, I'm not changing my mind.


AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Oh God, this is fucking classic. You are by far a better troll than me. I hang up my towel, I will never be as good as you. Bravo my friend, bravo!


Idiot teenagers in love.... Classic!

[Trump]

When you don't even know where you are going to be at the end of next year (and you graduate from high school), planning a marraige is quite possibly the stupidest thing you can do. Are you going to wait around a year after she graduates and do nothing? You're going to end up working the crappiest jobs you can think of for the rest of your life if you do this, and you expect to support a family with that? Oh wait... military... yeah you'll be with each other A LOT once you are off in the military and she is still in high school, or you are both in the military with different assignments. There isn't a lot of thought in this relationship is there?

[Arctic_Slicer]

Alright, the no sex thing is really unrealistic, but we just want to get married to show the world our love, I guess. Plus, we're showing our commitment to each other. Also, at least we aren't doing what she suggested and get married in A MONTH

If you feel you need to be married to prove your love then you probabally do not love each other. Also if you think staying non-sexual is unrealistic then that is also a sign that the relationship is not based on love. Really it seems you are very insecure with your relationship and all you are looking for is a way to make it legally binding so "she can't get away" or whatever. As I have been known to say; "being a dumbass does not pay."

[priest]

Sorry people but I need to put my size 13E's down and open my big mouth. <it has to be big as I need to be able to fit both my feet in it at least twice a week> ;>

If this is a troll then bravo it's a good one. However having seen PFC's do exactly what you are doing I am going to act like it is for real and open my big fat Irish mouth.

I realize at my age I am older than dirt to someone like you, I am sure she is a wonderful person and mature for her age as are you and I am sure you are both very much in love but please consider something from my own hard earned experience.

You are about to enlist and you are 17. Hopefully you will have a GED or better yet have completed high school. Because of your age you will most likely get sent to the Sandbox if you are Army or Marines. You will most likely get sent to the Sandbox if you are Air Force and have a (Whatever the Air Scouts call) MOS that doesn't involve something that keeps you stateside. If you do have such a MOS then you will most likely get sent to East Jesus South Dakota or some such place and if you are Navy you will most likely deploy for months at a time. This means that you and your bride to be are going to be apart for a VERY long time. This does not include the months you will be away at Basic and AIT which is also a VERY long time.

Having said this and having some experience in the area you are going to go into Basic as one person and you are going to come out the other end as an entirely different one. She is also going to change over that time. You, if you go, will also change a great deal after a deployment to the Sandbox (Iraq/Afghanistan) and again she will change.

From 16 to 22 people change a very great deal and what seemed like a good idea at the time in hindsight can be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. Love does not put food on the table, does not raise your children, does not keep you from having life changing growth both emotionally and mentally that make you into someone different than you were when you were young. It is very hard for two people your age to survive on a PFC/Spec1/Airman/Seaman3rd salary even with base housing and the PX. It really is.

Based on this I would strongly encourage you to consider a long engagement with a promise ring instead of running out and getting married or buying a expensive diamond ring. See how you both feel in 6 months or a year and then make a decision on getting married. Better yet finish your 4, take any college courses you can while in, and have her at least go to Jr. College and then decide.

If you love each other that much and you are really meant to be together then she will wait and so can you. If you are worried about dying in Iraq and being alone you will not be. She will still love you and be with you even if you are not married and your can list her as your beneficiary on your Will (And if you are going over then damn well make sure you fill one out. This is not saying you will die but what it does do is plan for the unthinkable. It also lets you put down whom you want to get what as well as what your last wishes are in terms of care and the like least you end up like the woman in Florida on life support for years while it drags out in court). If it doesn’t work out then you don’t face the ugliness of undoing a marriage.

My two cents.

[PopCulturePooka]

Divorce within a year.
Hating each other within 2.

[Balain]

It was said here already I think. For the reasons you've said you want to get married tells me you aren't ready to get married

[Monkey]

To put it crudely:

Lol

That's all that needs to be said



What I love is how he said that nothing will change his mind. Teenage stubborness at it's finest. I bet if he was told that he cannot do it, he would move the wedding day even closer just to prove people wrong. In my opinion this is probably just a big troll though and not worth paying attention to.

The fact is, true love waits. If she really loved you she would wait longer than a couple of weeks before deciding she wants to marry.


My best (most cynical) guess is that she is already knocked up, therefore she is desperate to marry. That's why she suggested a month rather than a year. Quite frankly, even the suggestion of marriage when you've only known each other for a short time is highly suspect, especially at that age.

[Masa the Masta]

Maybe she was already knocked up, like stated in the previous post, but she might be pregnant, so she's taking advantage of a teenage kid's mind, to try to royally screw someone over with the child support.

Montel Williams? Maury Povich, anyone?

"I AM NOT THE FATHER!" :rolleyes:

[yogi]

I think its a great idea, be spontanous you can just divorce later anyway have a go.

Just dont have kids.. I wondering if your the religious type is this a way to get laid with gods permission?

[Invictus]

Not if you're the Christian religious type. Gotta wait for marriage. The mileage of other faiths may vary, however. ;)

[Samwise]

You can get married on one condition.

Come here and tell us when it fails.

If it even lasts that long.


Romeo and Juliet knew each other longer before they got married, NOW look at them! Dead!

[Katiekoneko]

Not if you're the Christian religious type. Gotta wait for marriage. The mileage of other faiths may vary, however. ;)


If he is religious he already slept with her before marriage so..he already sinned then!

[Iseult]

Divorce within a year.
Hating each other within 2.

Other way around, I'd say, but same difference.

[hapacheese]

I don't know if you're still reading this, due to all the criticism, but hopefully you'll at least read some of it.

I don't doubt you're in love. Well, as in love as you claim to be. But, there are all kinds of love... Some are slow burning and last a lifetime. Others burn bright and intensely, but often die out as quickly as it appeared. At least with me, I only learned to tell the difference after having been in and out of love many times over the course of my years (not that I'm *that* old or anything).

Marriage does nothing to prove anything to the world. I will put this as nicely as I can, but if you feel as if you have to prove something about the world about your relationship (unless you're marrying interracially and your parents forbid it, or whatnot), then chances are, you're probably too young to understand the consequences of marriage.

If you *truly* feel that way about each other, why can't you simply promise yourselves to each other, and marry after you are both out of ROTC? Of anything in life, marriage is the one thing you should take slowly.

At this point, all you have for each other is your feelings. Don't get me wrong... that counts for a lot. But marriage is about much more than that. Why don't you wait until you both have something more to bring to the table?