Ardo Zubairu
06-07-2007, 11:48 AM
this story would appear in my next column in Abuja Journal Newspaper. i would send the hard copy to anyone interested:One year ago, I thought the world as I knew it was coming to an end. I went through one of the toughest times of my life. The toughest thing to deal with was the ending of a relationship. My girlfriend of more than two years had confrontation with her mother at threshold of our wedding; decided that she needed space to experience life before she was ready to be with one person. My heart had been broken and I didn't think that the hurt would ever stop.
Not only did I lose the person I thought I was going to marry; but I lost my best friend. The one person whom I could tell my deepest thoughts and aspirations. The person whom I trusted the most in this world and who made me feel like I could be myself and not have to hide behind a rough exterior. She knew me better than anyone else did and probably still does.
I was devastated: I tried to understand; but I couldn't see how she could just throw away the foundation that we had built. I kept thinking, "Two years, two years.” Everything had seemed so perfect. Sure, we had some bad times, but they seemed so minor. Nothing that would end a great relationship.
My mind kept producing a steady stream of thoughts and emotions. I must have experienced every emotion possible at least ten times a day; Depression; Anger; Confusion. The list goes on: I would sit in my room with the lights off; listen to depressing music and think long and hard about love, life, the past, the present and the future.
My friends would come in, start talking and try to comfort me. I received so much advice I could probably write a book. Some of the advice was philosophical and some of it I threw out. Probably the most interesting piece of advice was a quote I have heard a thousand times. A friend of mine asked me, "Isn't it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?"
At the time I wanted to give him a black eye, but he was right. Although I was hurt, I do not regret the two years she was part of my life. Others would just tell me things would get better and I just needed to get out and have fun. But I didn't listen.
I wish I would have. Because deep down they knew what was best for me. But I had created my own world where I could feel sorry for myself and nobody was going to take me out of it. I was at a place where I could feel all the sorrow and self-pity that my heart desired. And my heart desired a lot.
So there I stayed on my own little island of despair. But as time went on, I realized that with every experience there is a lesson to be learned. I realized my pain would not last forever, and eventually I would have to rejoin the world. I realized there are many more people out there who are worse off than I am. It wasn't that my problems were not important; it was the fact that they were small when I examined the "big picture."
I realized the only person that was going to help me was myself. You have to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else. I learned life goes on. No matter how bad things seem at the time, tomorrow is a new day. I learned not every relationship is going to be a success. There are bound to be many failures before you find the right person. I learned everything happens for a reason, whether it's for religious reasons or not. I learned whomever you love will always be a part of you. I learned to take things day by day and not to look too far ahead.
I am not trying to preach or be philosophical; I am just trying to pass on what I have learned. In the last year, I have traveled down a long road, and although there have been roadblocks on the way; I feel that I am a stronger person because of it.
Not only did I lose the person I thought I was going to marry; but I lost my best friend. The one person whom I could tell my deepest thoughts and aspirations. The person whom I trusted the most in this world and who made me feel like I could be myself and not have to hide behind a rough exterior. She knew me better than anyone else did and probably still does.
I was devastated: I tried to understand; but I couldn't see how she could just throw away the foundation that we had built. I kept thinking, "Two years, two years.” Everything had seemed so perfect. Sure, we had some bad times, but they seemed so minor. Nothing that would end a great relationship.
My mind kept producing a steady stream of thoughts and emotions. I must have experienced every emotion possible at least ten times a day; Depression; Anger; Confusion. The list goes on: I would sit in my room with the lights off; listen to depressing music and think long and hard about love, life, the past, the present and the future.
My friends would come in, start talking and try to comfort me. I received so much advice I could probably write a book. Some of the advice was philosophical and some of it I threw out. Probably the most interesting piece of advice was a quote I have heard a thousand times. A friend of mine asked me, "Isn't it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?"
At the time I wanted to give him a black eye, but he was right. Although I was hurt, I do not regret the two years she was part of my life. Others would just tell me things would get better and I just needed to get out and have fun. But I didn't listen.
I wish I would have. Because deep down they knew what was best for me. But I had created my own world where I could feel sorry for myself and nobody was going to take me out of it. I was at a place where I could feel all the sorrow and self-pity that my heart desired. And my heart desired a lot.
So there I stayed on my own little island of despair. But as time went on, I realized that with every experience there is a lesson to be learned. I realized my pain would not last forever, and eventually I would have to rejoin the world. I realized there are many more people out there who are worse off than I am. It wasn't that my problems were not important; it was the fact that they were small when I examined the "big picture."
I realized the only person that was going to help me was myself. You have to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else. I learned life goes on. No matter how bad things seem at the time, tomorrow is a new day. I learned not every relationship is going to be a success. There are bound to be many failures before you find the right person. I learned everything happens for a reason, whether it's for religious reasons or not. I learned whomever you love will always be a part of you. I learned to take things day by day and not to look too far ahead.
I am not trying to preach or be philosophical; I am just trying to pass on what I have learned. In the last year, I have traveled down a long road, and although there have been roadblocks on the way; I feel that I am a stronger person because of it.