Possibly the most hilarious thing I've read in months

[Decade]

Az was right, people today arn't discrete enough in their porn viewing

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/02/22/porn.sword.ap/index.html

OCONOMOWOC, Wisconsin (AP) -- A man says he broke into an apartment with a cavalry sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped, but the sound actually was from a pornographic movie his upstairs neighbor was watching.

"Now I feel stupid," said James Van Iveren, who has been charged in the case. "This really is nothing, nothing but a mistake."

According to a criminal complaint, the neighbor told police that Van Iveren pounded on the door and kicked it open without warning February 12, damaging the frame and lock. (Watch what damage Van Iveren allegedly left and how the neighbor will watch porn in the future )

"Where is she?" Van Iveren demanded, thrusting the sword at the neighbor, the complaint said. "Where is she?"

The neighbor told police Van Iveren became increasingly aggressive as he repeated the question, insisting that he had heard a woman being raped. The complaint said that, with the sword pointed at him, the neighbor led Van Iveren throughout the apartment, opening closet doors to prove he was alone.

The neighbor later played for police the part of the DVD he believed Van Iveren heard downstairs.

Van Iveren, 39, of Oconomowoc, was charged with criminal trespass, criminal damage and disorderly conduct, all while using a dangerous weapon, and is scheduled to appear in court March 5. Together, the misdemeanor counts carry a maximum sentence of 33 months in jail.

Van Iveren said Tuesday that he heard a woman "screaming for help," grabbed the sword, bounded up the stairs, kicked in the apartment door and confronted the man who lived there.

"I intended to hold it behind my back and knock. But I froze and instead, what happened happened," he told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

Contesting his neighbor's account, Van Iveren said he didn't look anywhere in the apartment except the front room, and that he never threatened the neighbor with the sword.

"I had the sword extended, but that was all," he said.

Van Iveren, who lives with his mother in the downstairs apartment, said he did not call police when he heard the noises because he does not have a telephone. He said he barely knew the upstairs tenant.

Police seized Van Iveren's sword, which he said was a family heirloom.

:rofl: Watch the interview at the bottom with the guy who got stormed in on. When they ask him if he's going to change his porn viewing habits, he just goes "Naaaaaa-ah" :rofl:

[Silverhawk]

Man that would have been funnier if that guy was doing a fantasy rape scenario with his girlfriend or something. Something to learn when watching porn... keep the volume down, or get headphones :P

[Stephy]

Aw the man was only trying to help.

[Roxie]

Awww! poor guy!

[Sock Full of Boiled Dimes]

You've gotta say that he has the right intentions, but he should've called the cops or something.

[Decade]

I just cant get the thought out of my head of the guy watching porn trying to walk through and opening each closet in the apartment with his pants down and his hands up...with the guy behind him with the sword pointed at his back :rofl:

For the record, while it is a little funny on the Sword guy too, I'm laughing more at the "victim" of the case. The sword guy was just trying to help a "lady in distress." I really doubt the judge in this case will go to hard on the guy (he really should only pay to fix the lock and door).


Still fuckin hilarious all around though

[Hatsumomo]

I think the guy should only have to pay for the damage to the door. Many people wouldn't do what he did, even if the rape situation was real. People have watched a woman being murdered and didn't do anything, so I'm on Vigilante Man's side.

[SlickWilly440]

Wait, how come the man who broke down the door didn't notice that he was watching a really loud porno?

[RandomPasserby]

Wait, how come the man who broke down the door didn't notice that he was watching a really loud porno?
People tend to shut off their porn when someone bursts in when they are watching it. Hasn't your mom ever walked in on you watching porn?

[SlickWilly440]

People tend to shut off their porn when someone bursts in when they are watching it. Hasn't your mom ever walked in on you watching porn?

Nope my parents aren't so conservative. I could me watching it in the living room and my parents would walk in and be like:

Dad: Hey what the title of the prono?
SlickWilly440: It's called Barely 18.
TV: Oh...Oh....Yeah....oh yes!
Mom: Wow you father was doing that move on me last night.
SlickWilly440: Oh that cools, this porn gots some awesome moves you two should try out sometimes.
*Dad Sits on the Couch*
Mom: Well I get some popcorn and we can all watch it together.

So yeah I don't have to be so discrete about what I watch.

[Lisa M]

And yet had there been a woman in there being raped, the guy who broke in would be lauded as a hero.

[Decade]

Nope my parents aren't so conservative. I could me watching it in the living room and my parents would walk in and be like:

Dad: Hey what the title of the prono?
SlickWilly440: It's called Barely 18.
TV: Oh...Oh....Yeah....oh yes!
Mom: Wow you father was doing that move on me last night.
SlickWilly440: Oh that cools, this porn gots some awesome moves you two should try out sometimes.
*Dad Sits on the Couch*
Mom: Well I get some popcorn and we can all watch it together.

So yeah I don't have to be so discrete about what I watch.
Wow thats....really creepy :eyepop:

[Neon Pink Shoehorn]

I agree, lock and door only. It not as if the would-be hero was stealthy about it.

[RoxFontaine]

That guy is an idiot. He lives with his Mom and doesn't have a phone. On top of that, his senses are shot to shit. He didn't think to listen for banging or knocking around? Dumbass.

The "victim" is an idiot too. Who the hell watches porn that loud!?

[otro34]

oh my... i'm not watching porn ever again in my life O_o...

well. not really. xD

[Jay]

Someone got a link to this interview?

[Decade]

That guy is an idiot. He lives with his Mom and doesn't have a phone. On top of that, his senses are shot to shit.

Yea, I dont really buy the "I dont have a phone" excuse. Cell maybe. No home phone? Living with your mom? :watson:

...and you held up a guy watchin a porn with a sword :rofl:

Someone got a link to this interview?
:confused: You--you serious? Just click on the link to the original article I provided, its right there :meh:

[Jay]

You posted the whole article right here, why should I click the link? :D

[Decade]

...you're lucky I like you, Jay :meh:

plus, it's hard to get serious about anything related to a guy getting caught watchin a porno by a man holding a sword yelling "WHERE IS SHE?!?!" :rofl: :rofl:

[Jay]

I actually prefer the name "Oconomowoc". That's fuckin' ridiculous... :D

[Plekto]

That's the real problem, though... He should have called the police. They are allowed to kick down doors with impunity, so it seems.

I hope this guy only gets off with some commuity service. The police are totally overreacting.

[Kass]

Yeah, they're overreacting because it is perfectly acceptable for someone with no clue to break down your door and threaten you with a sword.

[ChronoSphere]

It depends on the law in your individual state. Many states have a provision where you are allowed to take actions to prevent or stop a felony that a "reasonable person" would do. Now what that definition is.... that is usually decided by a jury :)

[Decade]

You talking about the good samaritan law?

In that case, you'd STILL be olbigated to call the police. Breaking and entering is way to deep into the dark-grey area.

Regardless, I doubt the "victim" is really gonna pursue to many charges. If anything, he's probably laughing about this the most.

[Silverhawk]

Nope my parents aren't so conservative. I could me watching it in the living room and my parents would walk in and be like:

Dad: Hey what the title of the prono?
SlickWilly440: It's called Barely 18.
TV: Oh...Oh....Yeah....oh yes!
Mom: Wow you father was doing that move on me last night.
SlickWilly440: Oh that cools, this porn gots some awesome moves you two should try out sometimes.
*Dad Sits on the Couch*
Mom: Well I get some popcorn and we can all watch it together.

So yeah I don't have to be so discrete about what I watch.
I'm an open minded person, but even this creeps me out a little o-O

[MNJetter]

There are a couple people in this thread saying that the guy should have called the police instead of breaking in. I'd just like to say that if he had done that, and it was a real situation, the police would probably have arrived to the body of a dead girl.

[Decade]

True, that's probably what would have happened, but I'm not attacking sword man here (:rofl: That's my nicknames for em. Sword man and Porn man :rofl:).

What the guy should have done, is call the cops even if he was going to break into the apartment. Perhaps even tell them he was going to go investigate. At least then they'd have an idea to the reasoning for it before hand.

I still dont buy the "I dont have a phone" excuse, either. Seriously, the guy cant make up excuses for SHIT! ( AFTER being arrested for breaking and entering on a guy watching a porno, he says "Now I feel stupid." He goes no where to improve his situation when he tells the cops "I dont have a phone to call with." :duh: A quick check of phone bills will put that lie to rest)

Even if he was STILL convinced there was a woman there, he could have even used the upstairs apartment's phone if he wanted to once inside. The guy had good intentions (I guess...for a dumbass who mistakes a porn for a real woman), but he made a mistake.

I really dont care (again, I dont think the "victim" really cares either), I just find the whole situation hilarious. Again, I doubt they'll really go to hard on the guy, the humiliation for BOTH sides seems to be enough.


....porn man got attacked by sword man :rofl: