PDA

View Full Version : My first Porn! GASP


h2orowe
09-03-2005, 11:51 AM
Ok Ok OK, I seriously, am all for women's rights, so don't tell me I'm a pig for watching it.
I'm a 15 year old virgin, with free HBO for the weekend.... nothing to do, nowhere to go....
So, first one (of one and like a half XD give me credit! I made it a while.) was called Genie in a string Bikini..... let's just say, I thought porn would have better acting.......
I'm not gonna get in details but it goes something like
Air Pilot guy is about to marry Dr's daughter. Daughter loves a woman, but is marrying pilot for money. Pilot finds a 2 genies, lets one out, and it offers him wishes. It said some stuff, and he was like nah, and then sex, and he said no I'm engaged. Well, anyway, it goes to the fiance's house, and her and this other chick were doing it. It goes to morning, and it shows the genie in the kitchen, she made breakfast for pilot. Pilot's like thanks or whatever, and genie is about to give him a BJ, and like, he says no! Girlfriend walks in just as genie disappears. Pilot tells Girlfriend about the genie, and she doesn't believe him, pilot leaves, girlfriend goes in the pilot's room, and steals the 2 genie bottles, but one was a box, she thought the box was for her. She drives into a ditch, throws genie bottle out, and drives away, genie comes out, and is looking for her master. Pilot had left, to go to the Drs, he tells the Dr. about the genie. Girlfriend goes to her girlfriends house, and opens the box, revealin a man genie, one thing leads to another, and a threesome ensues. Later, Girlfriend makes a phone call to the Dr's, asking if Pilot was still there, and he was, so she says he was being crazy and saying some genie was around, so Dr throws Pilot into the hospital for being mental. Meanwhile, Girl-genie is trying to find her master, so she is shouting "master!" and some crazy chick pulls over, and offers her a ride, and is like "I'll show you your master" one thing goes to another thing, and it's some dominatrix shiz, and like well..... you know, sex.Againly meanwhile, Man-Genie finds a scarf thingy that allows him to teleports to girl-genie they tie the dominatrix there, and go to find the master aka pilot.
They find him in the Dr's talking to the Dr, but the Dr can't see them. A little comical thingy making the Dr. inable to do anything and they leave. Than man genie leaves, than sex scene between genie and master. The End.

GASP! My first encounter with moving porn. I've seen pictures and stuff, but it's different. It's pretty retarded, but maybe it's because I'm watching HBO porn and not real porn.

Bikini Airway (or Airline, I forgot) was the name of the next movie, it opens with a burglar GASP, entering a girl's house. He sees her, but she doesn't see him, and he watches her strip down to her underwear, and she goes into her bedroom, and he walks in and is like "Blah blah quiet you won't get hurt" and it ended up being her boyfriend, so, sex scene! The girl that was playing the girl, was a horrrrrrriiiiiiibleeeeeeeeeeeee actress, either that, or the guy she was being fucked by, was a shitty "sexer". Anyway, phone call later that night, her uncle died, he owned an airline. She goes there, talks to old horny airmen, and than gets a letter and reads it. It cuts to old fashioned airplanes, blah blah, she gets the airline. Next, it's a lingiere (whatever the spelling is, it's 5 am!) shoot, and the boyfriend is shooting. It's three girls, carressing each other. Girlfriend comes in, talks to boyfriend about how shitty the airline was financially and how they need to fix it, IDEA, make models entertain the guests, so, they give the deal to the three, and they accept. Boyfriend and girlfriend leave. Three girls are like "Well, we have to get our scene good for work tommorow, LETS PRACTICE!" so, they start fucking.

Let's just say by the end of that scene >.> <.< I had no more reason to continue watching that filth!


Anyways, porn seems to me, retarded. That's right, retarded. I may or may not watch it again, maybe these were shitty porns, I don't know, but..... they were shitty, and they got the job done >.> <.< If I were Dpad, I'd go more into this, but I want you guys to hold your lunch in, so, yeah. Let's leave it at that.

What was your first porn movie?

Praetorian
09-03-2005, 11:54 AM
I've never watched porn.

Jay
09-03-2005, 11:55 AM
let's just say, I thought porn would have better acting.......

Why?

I'm confused at why you think porno should have better acting. It's a porno, buddy. You watch it to get your jollies, not so you can watch a fine drama.

Why is there even dialogue in a porno anyway?

h2orowe
09-03-2005, 12:04 PM
That's the reason, I thought it'd have better acting. I was like
WTF, why is there even this part if it's like "D00D WE N33D TO LIEK YOU KNOW PR4CTICE OUR SC3/\/3 4 TEH WORKZ TOMMOROW" "GOODDDDDDDDDDD *looks at camera* IDEA"

oh! I forgot to add, the three girls in Bikini Airway, were like the best part of the night, heh, they were the best actors too XD

The whole time, there was like no kissing, except the three girls. I was like >.> <.< ok.... it was alot of hovering around the chest, barely any touching, except with hand.... SQUISHY SQUISHY BOOBIE. Sorry >.> <.<

I found their formula though.
Guy/girl2, touches girl's chest, kissing it, carressing it. They do that for a few, then it goes to Girl1 doing that to guy/girl2. Than if it's a guy, they do oral, than sex, and it's usually doggy style. Some ass touching too. Than if it's a girl on girl, it's like they just do chest, than oral, than more chest, than oral, and so on.
The only scene thingy, that was different, was the part with the three girls.

Let's just say, Porn is extremely LAME.

Marblehead
09-03-2005, 02:34 PM
The best porn is from the seventies. It's hilarious because they were honestly trying to make real movies, just with a lot of sex.

A few greats:

Debbie Does Dallas: Debbie and here cheerleader friends need money to go the big cheerleading tournament. Normal jobs pay shit so they turn to prostitution. Hilarity ensues.

Sexworld: Think the movie Westworld but with more sex and a somewhat suprising ending.

M-3D: A 3-D porno about scientists that make aphrodisiac lolly-pops. Staring John Holmes!

Deep Throat: A girl can't figure out why she can't orgasim, so she goes to the doctor only to find that (gasp!) her clitoris is in her throat. Now she's on the move to find a man with a 9" penis and true love. Some really good one-liners in this one.

No I'm not a big perve, I just know quality where I see it. :p

Loc
09-03-2005, 03:01 PM
They grow up so fast ;(
:p
My first porn movie... hmm
Was something like "sexy blair witch project" or something equally retarded.

Anyway, we were about 13, went to get a game that had just come out and the store was selling all porn downstairs...so we were all laughing like the immature kids we were and put it under the game I think I bought...

My mate who looks the oldest went up, even though he looked 16 at best, the guy behind the till smirked and sold us it...I had a party and we watched it at like 3am. It made us laugh more than it turned us on though haha

I think my mate who bought it still has it hidden in his room somewhere ;x

psychoflex
09-03-2005, 03:08 PM
15? and you never watched porn before? where the hell do you live?

it sounds more like a softcore porno movie. could you see the penetration? i dont know what HBO can show. if you couldnt see the penetration it's not porn in my book.
70s porn? yeah, that stuff is just hilarious.

my first porn? found the first one when i was 9 i think, but it was a hardcore tape not some boring tvmovie.
yes, i'm a big perv. :D

but what did you expect of a porn? good acting? great energetic sex?
and remember: porn is all fake!

Praetorian
09-03-2005, 03:56 PM
15? and you never watched porn before? where the hell do you live?



I assume you were talking to me. I'm 17.

psychoflex
09-03-2005, 04:01 PM
17... and no porn so far... thats just amazing!

General_Admission
09-03-2005, 04:22 PM
pfffft...sounds like you watched some really bad HBO porn. Blah!

But, you're eyes have been open to the world of porn my brother! Now explore it and find all that is good in this virtual world. Guys driving around in vans to pick up girls, MILF hunters scoping out their next victim at the mall, guys uploading home videos from Korea and Japan, guys going on sex trips to do really ugly girls, guys fucking their gf with a blind fold on & then having their friend take over the fucking w/o her knowing, people having sex in public with groups of strangers, hardcore parties in the back of night clubs, soft rope bondage in college dorm rooms, play rape in forests or anywhere in nature (favored by Japanese), bukkakes, lesbians, guys going to Europe interviewing desperate women to be their brides so they can get a ticket to the US only to find out they have to fuck the guy if they want to go and then they say she doesn't get the spot, guys banging girls on school buses, all sorts of fetishes I'm not even going to get into, and oh so much more.

What you need is amateur porn. The kind where girls get fucked by pros just b/c they want to be fucked. No plot, no lines, no faking it, just real hardcore with strong emotions and lustful moans.

I recommend you get bitcomet and then join <empornium.us> to download all the porn from sites you would have to pay for, but others upload and make available via torrents.

But first you may just want to do some Google searches. This will mostly just give you pay sites that only let you take a tour, but if you can find sites that list tons of free video links then you are golden. I have a few, but do not want to link to them here. PM me if you want them.

D-pad
09-03-2005, 04:39 PM
I've been watching porn for 10 years............makes me feel old................

General_Admission
09-03-2005, 04:52 PM
^ Aren't you 14, D_pad69? Anywho...

Just want to ad that I have a huge respect for women. Watching porn is not disrespectful because the womem consent to it and enjoy it just as much as the guys. Is it any worse than having dirty thoughts in your head when you masterbate? It's not like you masterbate to My Little Pony...although there's probably a site for that :D...If anything it prepares you to satisfy your girl to no end when the time comes. It is your duty as a male to watch porn! Do it for the women!

Annie
09-03-2005, 04:59 PM
My first porn was when I was like 10. I think it was Butts Motel, or something else equally cheesy probably starring Ron Jeremy.

koku
09-03-2005, 05:09 PM
waiting for someone to say "OMG YOU SAY THAT TOO!?! YEAH I THOUGHT THE PART WHEN...."

and h2orowe, you're a perv.

Praetorian
09-03-2005, 05:35 PM
17... and no porn so far... thats just amazing!


Do magazines count as porn?

koku
09-03-2005, 06:04 PM
Do magazines count as porn?


perv.

you are all sick people.

ArkhanTerra
09-03-2005, 06:11 PM
Bikini Airlines/Airway is semi-funny, I remember that, although not as funny as "Lord of the G-Strings", but it had better sex scenes than Lord, so that's a redeeming quality.. Accidental Stripper is higher quality HBO porn though, even though it's shown mainly on SkineMAX. Although, while we're on the subject, Emmanuelle Forever is the best HBO/MAX porn that I've ever seen (unfortunately I was 13/14 and I was naive, thinking I'd see it again and I neglected to tape the FINAL SHOWING). Most HBO/MAX porn is pretty lame, the main exceptions for me being Nightcap, Bedtime Stories, and a few select movies.

This was mostly, of course, before I got high-speed internet. I can only explain that there are things on the internet that heavily outweigh anything you'll ever see on a pay-per-view channel or movie channel by tenfold, if not twentyfold.

I've seen a little bit of porn in my time...

Praetorian
09-03-2005, 06:46 PM
perv.

you are all sick people.

Yes, because you telling a male total stranger (read; me) how you like to take your time while masturbating and how you were masturbating whilst talking to me isn't perverted at all. Hell, the Pope himself does things like that all the time.

JustTooCrazy
09-03-2005, 07:54 PM
http://forporn.ytmnd.com/

What do you think the intarweb is for?

Josh
09-04-2005, 02:58 AM
Think HBO stuff is bad.... Playmate of the Apes? Lord of the G-String? Damn those were bad movies. But hilarious. Hilarious to no end. My first though, it was some movie with a cop. His son was sleeping with all these women and soon after they would end up dead. Blah blah, the movie goes on it turns out that somebody that nobody ever mentioned in the entire movie was killing the women to frame the cops son because of some grudge.

Man that was back in the day, I think 1995.

EDIT: You saw Lord of the G-String too? Haha! Remember that one scene where.. Wait. No. Lets not reminisce.

Ahimsa
09-04-2005, 03:37 AM
OOoo....my first exposure to porn wasn't until college freshman year LOL!! My roommates and suitemates rented this 70's porno involving a lot of rollerskating and a lot of hair in places where there shouldn't be O.o LOL. We were rolling on the flooring crying it was so funny. My roommates were working hard to destroy my 'innocent sweet girl' image. ahhhhhh freshman year, good times. lol

koku
09-04-2005, 03:49 AM
Yes, because you telling a male total stranger (read; me) how you like to take your time while masturbating and how you were masturbating whilst talking to me isn't perverted at all. Hell, the Pope himself does things like that all the time.



lol.........awww fuk.


:P well, some of those habits is simply because It freaks you out so much :P

Invictus
09-04-2005, 08:33 AM
For the record, I am 20, have never watched porn, and never intend to do so (there being many more interesting and constructive uses of one's time and all :P). It is, however, funny as hell listening to acquaintances talk about typical porn "plots" and the like...

Uh_oh
09-04-2005, 08:33 AM
Porn has plots? I never knew.

Invictus
09-04-2005, 08:50 AM
Hence the "scare quotes..." :D