View Full Version : Real 40 Year Old Virgins Say ‘40 Year Old Virgin’ Movie Makes Them Uncomfortable
eyez0nme
09-03-2005, 12:27 AM
REAL 40 YEAR OLD VIRGINS SAY ‘40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN’ MOVIE MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE
Sexually-frustrated Star Trek and Star Wars fans sue Universal, ask for restraining order
Hollywood - The new movie “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” will hit theaters next week, but across America, real 40-year-old virgins say promotions for the upcoming movie make them very uncomfortable as friends and family members make comparisons to the film and remind them of the fact they’ve never gotten laid. The virgins have filed a class action lawsuit against Universal Pictures seeking unspecified damages for emotional distress.
Stuart Brownfield (chat screen name: farscaperules23) is a 40-year-old virgin in Nashua, New Hampshire who filed the original lawsuit. He is hoping that the movie will bomb at the box office. “I work in an office (Office Depot) and someone saw the ad for the movie in the paper,” said Brownfield. “Then, this one guy I can’t stand in shipping turns to me and says, ‘Hey Stuart, this movie sounds like it’s right up your alley.’ Everyone started laughing. I was so devastated I couldn’t even watch the new episode of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ that night.”
Actor Steve Carell plays 40-year-old virgin Andy Stitzer in the movie. Andy’s never had sex. His friends consider it their duty to help, but nothing proves effective enough until he meets Trish (Catherine Keener), a 40-year-old mother of three.
“People who have seen the trailer for the movie are now calling me ‘Andy,’” said an emotional Brownfield. “People at the office know that I’ve never gotten laid, but no one really said anything until these movie trailers and posters started appearing. My life has been a nightmare. I haven’t felt this bad since ‘Episode I.’”
“It’s not easy being a virgin, and I really feel for these guys,” said 42-year-old Stan Jennings of Cranston, Rhode Island. Jennings, who works at Industrial Soap Inc., finally lost his virginity last year while having sex with a prostitute who ended up giving him gonorrhea. “I am not a virgin anymore, and it feels great, although I do have some burning. However, being a former virgin, I empathize with those losers, and I think the movie should be stopped.”
Star Trek and Star Wars fans who have been feuding for decades have finally found a common cause in the lawsuit.
“We don’t think it’s funny to make fun of virgins, and we will use all of our powers to stop this film,” said 40year old Larry Nohan, the president of the Star Trek Milwaukee Federation. “This movie is a blatant attempt to humiliate us. Why can’t people just leave us alone with our Uhura porn and stop judging us?”
Lou Peters, a 39-year-old virgin and Star Wars fan from San Diego who lives with his parents, considers himself lucky.
“I’m so glad I’m still 39,” said Peters who wears a Stormtrooper costume on weekends while playing the “Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” videogame online. “One year old older and I would be the laughing stock of my neighborhood.”
Source: http://datelinehollywood.com/archiv...-uncomfortable/
Hahahahaha! This is really funny. Thanks for sharing.
“One year old older and I would be the laughing stock of my neighborhood.”
That reminds me of my mom who's been 29 for 10 years. I don't even know her real age. :p
no f'n way that has to be fake....those quotes are tooooo funny to be true.
I was so devastated I couldn’t even watch the new episode of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ that night
My life has been a nightmare. I haven’t felt this bad since ‘Episode I
Cranston, Rhode Island. Jennings, who works at Industrial Soap Inc., finally lost his virginity last year while having sex with a prostitute who ended up giving him gonorrhea. “I am not a virgin anymore, and it feels great, although I do have some burning. However,
yeah...amusing it is, but true??
Firefly
09-03-2005, 12:52 AM
hahahah true or not, it was funny. Nice.
hanacker
09-03-2005, 02:27 AM
The internet really has killed sarcasm (and its cousin, parody) Of course it's fake.
nice gaijin
09-03-2005, 02:42 AM
this is the same website with the headline "PAT ROBERTSON CALLS FOR ASSASSINATION OF JARRED THE SUBWAY GUY"
Don't just post this crap in General Discussion please.
Kuhool
09-03-2005, 05:31 AM
woulda been funny if it was true, but they made it too obviously fake.
Unknown
09-03-2005, 04:15 PM
It would have seemed more real if it wasn't about Star Trek and Star Wars fans
I think the quotes gave it away :P
I assumed it was a fake news site but I didn't want to bother to investigate it :P
still funny.
and that move kicks ass.
PopCulturePooka
09-03-2005, 10:03 PM
Anyone that even had a brief idea that it was tre after the second paragraph should take a long hard look at removing themselves from the gene pool.
Citizen
09-03-2005, 10:07 PM
It's sad and pathetic that people let the entertainment industry get to them.
It's noone's fault but their own that they never had sex. They need to get over it.
Edit:
This is speaking in general, of course, of any and all cases over the years where people or groups of people got all pissy over a movie or game.
PopCulturePooka
09-03-2005, 10:27 PM
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,120309,00.html
German Couple Finds Out Stork Isn't Real
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
A childless German couple finally found out why they weren't able to conceive — they had never had sex.
Doctors at the Lübeck campus of the University Clinic of Schleswig-Holstein (search) in northern Germany described the case in a medical bulletin, according to Ananova.com.
After eight years of marriage, the 36-year-old man and his 30-year-old wife went to the campus' fertility clinic to figure out what was wrong.
Doctors gave them a battery of tests and were baffled — both husband and wife were healthily fertile.
Then came the important question.
"When we asked them how often they had had sex," said a clinic spokesman, "they looked blank, and said: 'What do you mean?'"
He went on to explain that each of the pair had been brought up extremely religiously and had never heard of the birds and the bees.
"We are not talking retarded people here," the clinic spokesman said. The two "were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."
The man and wife are now being given sexual therapy. The clinic is trying to find out if there are other couples in the area who could use a refresher course in human biology.
— Thanks to Out There reader Steve G.
you guys hear about the parents that had their six year old son taken away from them??
They spoke nothing but Kling-on(sp? star trek stuff) to him/her the WHOLE time. The child learned the langauge and communicated in it. Well....as you can imagine, he couldn't learn english....
All he/she knew was Kling-on. So yeah, the parents got their kid taken away. I really wonder what is happening to the kid now. He'd have to honestly get a star trekkie kling on translator or something.
Citizen
09-03-2005, 10:39 PM
you guys hear about the parents that had their six year old son taken away from them??
They spoke nothing but Kling-on(sp? star trek stuff) to him/her the WHOLE time. The child learned the langauge and communicated in it. Well....as you can imagine, he couldn't learn english....
All he/she knew was Kling-on. So yeah, the parents got their kid taken away. I really wonder what is happening to the kid now. He'd have to honestly get a star trekkie kling on translator or something.
Serious fanaticism is a sad, sad thing. Although I highly doubt that actually happened.
Serious fanaticism is a sad, sad thing. Although I highly doubt that actually happened.
it's f'n true!!
PopCulturePooka
09-03-2005, 10:50 PM
I googled a bit.
The most I could find is something about Dr d'Armond Speers, a linguist who spoke only Klingon to his 3 year old, while his wife spoke english. It was apparantly part of a study.
But nothing like you mentioned.
I googled a bit.
The most I could find is something about Dr d'Armond Speers, a linguist who spoke only Klingon to his 3 year old, while his wife spoke english. It was apparantly part of a study.
But nothing like you mentioned.
you'll have to go with faith on this one. I THINK i remember who told me,but I pretty much forgot.
If it counts I'll check on tuesday when I return to school with the teacher who I believe was the one that told me for some proof.
imagine that though! That kids future is...screwed.
Sbabbari
09-04-2005, 07:20 AM
wow, this sounds like something out of the Onion (http://www.theonion.com)
Praetorian
09-04-2005, 08:53 AM
you'll have to go with faith on this one. I THINK i remember who told me,but I pretty much forgot.
If it counts I'll check on tuesday when I return to school with the teacher who I believe was the one that told me for some proof.
That kids future is...screwed.
Ofcourse not. As long as you're not older than 10, it's really easy to teach him/her another language. Even if he/she is older than 10, it's not all that hard. How do you think they manage to teach languages to people that have been deaf since birth?
...there's 40 year old virgins in the world?
PopCulturePooka
09-04-2005, 09:49 AM
you'll have to go with faith on this one. I THINK i remember who told me,but I pretty much forgot.
If it counts I'll check on tuesday when I return to school with the teacher who I believe was the one that told me for some proof.
imagine that though! That kids future is...screwed.
Sorry, even after a solid hour of searching, including Non-publics news databases, I turned up nothing except the anthro study.
With a tale like this, I'd really like to see a source.
hanacker
09-04-2005, 09:51 AM
you'll have to go with faith on this one. I THINK i remember who told me,but I pretty much forgot.
If it counts I'll check on tuesday when I return to school with the teacher who I believe was the one that told me for some proof.
imagine that though! That kids future is...screwed.
So he was home-schooled for kindergarten and didn't have any friends? It's ridiculously easy for a child that young to learn foreign languages, so as long as he didn't live on a starship, he wouldn't have any problems. Your story is either not true or highly exaggerated.
yeah but they would have to find a person fluent in klingon(is this serious?).
pooka, I will search for my souce 2 days from now. Rest easy. I can't believe you searched for an hour(really??). Wow, I would have just decided right then and there If i believe it or not, then moved on.
PopCulturePooka
09-04-2005, 09:57 PM
yeah but they would have to find a person fluent in klingon(is this serious?).
pooka, I will search for my souce 2 days from now. Rest easy. I can't believe you searched for an hour(really??). Wow, I would have just decided right then and there If i believe it or not, then moved on.
When online I have four IE windows running. Its not problem to use on as a research window.
IE?! Arrrrrrrrrgh, my eyes, they burn!!!!!
Cybren
09-04-2005, 10:53 PM
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,120309,00.html
German Couple Finds Out Stork Isn't Real
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
A childless German couple finally found out why they weren't able to conceive — they had never had sex.
Doctors at the Lübeck campus of the University Clinic of Schleswig-Holstein (search) in northern Germany described the case in a medical bulletin, according to Ananova.com.
After eight years of marriage, the 36-year-old man and his 30-year-old wife went to the campus' fertility clinic to figure out what was wrong.
Doctors gave them a battery of tests and were baffled — both husband and wife were healthily fertile.
Then came the important question.
"When we asked them how often they had had sex," said a clinic spokesman, "they looked blank, and said: 'What do you mean?'"
He went on to explain that each of the pair had been brought up extremely religiously and had never heard of the birds and the bees.
"We are not talking retarded people here," the clinic spokesman said. The two "were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."
The man and wife are now being given sexual therapy. The clinic is trying to find out if there are other couples in the area who could use a refresher course in human biology.
— Thanks to Out There reader Steve G.
http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/nosex.asp
Snopes isn't so sure!
PopCulturePooka
09-04-2005, 11:00 PM
http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/nosex.asp
Snopes isn't so sure!
Yeah I saw that.
Humorous anyway and fits in the thread of faked article and stories.
Deadhead
09-05-2005, 01:36 AM
I call shenanagins on the german article because I doubt a real doctor would use retarded in that sense.
I dont think doctors even use retarded anymore
Stormhammer
09-05-2005, 07:07 PM
this whole thread has caused me to nearly break a few ribs in laughter. Thanks for picking up my Labor day ladies and gents.
-Stormhammer-
Alphonse v.2
09-05-2005, 09:50 PM
I don't know why everyone says IE is so bad, I mean it's fine, gets the job done, has a nice normal look to it and has no un-needed tools blocking the top half of your screen.
Thespis
09-06-2005, 10:12 PM
I completely respect anyone who is a virgin at any age for whatever reason. I saw the movie though and found it hysterical. If they bother to watch the entire thing, they find virginity championed not ridiculed.
hanacker
09-07-2005, 01:29 AM
I call shenanagins on the german article because I doubt a real doctor would use retarded in that sense.
I dont think doctors even use retarded anymore
A) I'm not sure a clinic spokesman is necessarily a doctor.
B) It's probably a translation from German so "retarded" is the translator's word.
Not saying I believe the article, but I wouldn't use that as my basis for disbelief.
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