Problems with guys who are not "mr. nice"

[Guess]

Okay, so i've read that many guys here have had bad experiences with the opposite sex and have been bashing the female gender calling them "bitches" and saying that they should turn into "assholes" to get all the girls.

I think bad experiences happen to girls too. Here are some of my more "memorable experiences" with the opposite sex.

***
This happened while I was at a community college taking a few courses for the summer. A guy who was introduced to me through a friend develops a crush on me. And its pretty obvious cuz he follows me everywhere and always try to sit next to me. One day he tries to be the "Not Mr. Nice" guy and says the following:

Him: You know, you should never wear high heels.
Me: Why?
Him: Cuz you're so tall you'll never get a boyfriend. Guys don't like it when their women are taller than them. You should always wear flat heels.

I was obviously shocked and speechless. If 5'8 is considered too tall to wear heels then i feel sorry for any girl who is taller.

***
This happened while I was at my university. A guy I met in class gets my phone number due to a group project we had to do. He then starts calling me all the time, at least twice a week, asking me what i'm doing at that particular moment. This obviously annoys the heck out of me. Then one day he comes over my apartment with other group members to work on the project and here is the following coversation we had.

Him: It's sad to be a girl.
Me: why? It's not like you've ever been a girl to know.
Him: Well, its sad cuz you have to wear "diapers" when you're small and now that you're grown up you have to continue wearing "diapers" until menopause.

Yes people, he said that to me while everyone is there. I, being the nice person that I am, let it go. Never returned his call again, EVER!

***
Met this guy at my University who likes me or so I was told. It was pretty obvious cuz he's always around me and always trying to make conversation with me even though he says the same few things all the time. Yet somehow, he, one day, met my friend and made out with her all the while still trying to flirt with me. Talking about two-timing. Thank God I never liked this dude. He smelled of trouble from the start.

These are only a few of my "oh-so-many" experiences with Jerks.

If other girls have similar experiences please let me know I'm not the only miserable one here.

[Monkey]

Tbh, those first two guys didn't sound like jerks/assholes, more like blunt idiots.

Some people do agree with the whole girls not being taller than the guy thing. It doesn't mean that you actually say it to a girls face... (and 5' 8" is nowhere near too tall)

[Guess]

well, from one conversation its hard to tell, but they have said some other stuff that I did my best to forget as quickly as possible. But they are not by any means nice.

It's just sad that guys who show any interest in me think that they need to be jerks to hit it off with me. Rather, its a total turn-off.

[delen]

that shit is just funny, i need to find these people

[General_Admission]

Guess. I do not understand you. Those are the worst things?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I laugh at you.

[Stephy]

Guess, are you prehaps a very sensitive girl?

As for me, no horrible crushes/relationship problems have happaned to me, so I would not know what to say.

In another note: How dare he say your to tall to wear high heels. ;)

[koku]

KEEP THIS IN ONE THREAD. why are there 5 of them?

doesnt this irk the MODs? ?? no??? NO????

[Benaire]

While they are bad well I have to say you didn't really like any of those idiots. Most of the posts here are about men who liked a girl opened his heart to her and having her reach in and pull it out. Then proceed to step shit and spit in it before telling you she just wants to be friends.

[Collapse]

You're not miserable Guess. You're just in an unfortunate place where heartless idiots reside.

And no, haven't been in a relationship, so I won't go judging myself.

[h2orowe]

While they are bad well I have to say you didn't really like any of those idiots. Most of the posts here are about men who liked a girl opened his heart to her and having her reach in and pull it out. Then proceed to step shit and spit in it before telling you she just wants to be friends.
*Raises Hand*

[Mastiker]

Yeah, Guess, you're problems are seemingly immature. Yes, I know we are viewing them entirely out of context, so for all I know, they are complete dickwads. But from what it sounds like, you just have what every other girl that is slightly attractive has: a bunch of really annoying guys following you around. Okay. That's no big deal. Get over yourself.

As for this whole "guys are assholes, girls are bitches" it is also immature. If you opened up your heart to a girl without getting a good understanding of where she stands on the relationship position, you're going to get hurt. Don't do anything that could potentially make you vunerable. Just have a good time, and make her come to you. I understand that each case is different, but in reality the only problem seems to be with guys being too hasty. And also, don't be stupid.

[Praetorian]

Bullshit. I'm 1.70cm (5"7 for them stupid imperialsystemers), if I didn't want a girl that's taller than me I wouldn't get a girl at all.


Also if that made you feel 'miserable' I really do feel sad for you.

[Benaire]

Shamu is 5'2 and so is Utada ......

[Annoying MSN Person]

SPEAK METRIC OR ELSE. grrr.
I'm 178.5 cm tall, often wear high shoes because they insist on the size 10 shoes I find having heels.
But, anyway, I like a guy shorter than me ;) Makes sure that he looks up to me, in every respect.
And speaking of respect, that's all I ask of a guy. <cue Aretha Franklin> Those ones you have encountered sound like tards. Not really any such horror stories I feel like rehashing, though. I believe in equalism --> One sex is as fucked up as the other.

Edit: Oh, and shorter guys have easier access to the mammaries :D

[CNagy]

Even tall guys will get down on their knees for access to the mammaries ;) (unintentional rhyme.)

[DTF-McBain]

Guess. I do not understand you. Those are the worst things?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I laugh at you.
exactly my thought. THIS is what it takes to have you label someone an asshole? You're impossible.

[Benaire]

mammaries,mammaries,mammaries i love that word
<---------- avatar @-@

[OliveButtercup]

Guess, I'm 5'8 and I still wear stilettos. I LOVE sexy, strappy heels and just because I'm tall, that doesn't keep me from wearing them. Also, I sure as hell wouldn't start wearing flat shoes just to please an insecure male.

[Benaire]

Yeah I agree im 5'11 I don't give a shit what the other guys say when i where my 6 inch stilettos and a sheer silk red dress with the no back.

[Annoying MSN Person]

*bubbles declares an island of metric sanctuary in the midst of imperial madness.
And why the hell do you have to go and change all the dress sizes and what not too? Raaaah. I hate you, person/s who control that. Probably some bastard not "Mr. Nice" guy.

Ps: Benaire- you should really consider a cute wee evening bag for that ensemble.

[delen]

damn, shamu is 5'2? i'd tap that shiz

[haraleah]

I've been lurking and reading for a while (mainly on the Nice Guy topics...one of my favourite subjects to rant about on- or off-line) and finally decided to get off my backside and post something on this thread.

I've seen - and been on the receiving end - of exactly this kind of dumb comment from otherwise smart girls, so men don't hold exclusivity on stupidity:

- "No girl would ever go out with someone shorter than her" (I'm 5'8" which is actually slightly below average height for *women* in the UK now, so I'm screwed according to this);

- "No girl would ever go out with someone slimmer than her" (OK, I do have a slight build, but I'm not skinny and it's actually pretty muscular and well-defined; and, hey, I wouldn't want to go out with a girl who wasn't as slim as me anyway);

- "You don't drink; you must be so boring to go out with" (no, I don't drink, haven't for years, but - y'know - you don't need to get pissed to have a good time out).

[CNagy]

Wow, alot of guys seem to be rushing to the defenses here. It's not like she even called the guys in her past assholes (though the guy who was making out with her friend and trying to put the moves on her likely was one) so much as she said these were bad experiences.

They may not have been assholes, but being blunt isn't the same as being honest or opinionated. I've always held the opinion that in the dating world (especially in the early stages,) either party has every right to drop the other cold. It's not over-reacting, it's not being overly-sensitive, it's not being immature-- it's called having standards. It sucks for the party that falls below the bar but that's life and they need to learn to deal with it. Everyone is in this game for themselves until they find that person that they are willing to put first.

The guys that get their hearts ripped out (I've been there, so it's not like I'm judging someone else) are too quick to jump to that point-- too quick to start putting her first in everything. These are the kinds of guys (again, I've been there) that would probably not break off a relationship after a few months if they were not satisfied with it.

Yeah, some people's experiences are alot worse than Guess's, but that's no reason to bash her. I, for one, am happy that she hasn't had to go through the pain of devoting herself to someone who then just tosses her aside. That's the kind of thing I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

[Benaire]

[QUOTE=bubbles
Ps: Benaire- you should really consider a cute wee evening bag for that ensemble.[/QUOTE]

I don't know dont you think the evening bag would make me look ......................... you know gay?

As for guess I am not trying to bash her im just putting her problems prospective. Honestly we all pretty much consider our own problems to be very important and well I dont care about other peoples problems in general. So yeah her problems seem huge to her, but she posted it and there are our replys. ;)

[Snake eyeS]

Real examples of guys bieng jerks:

Sweet talking a girl to get some kisses and to see some meat.. then when things get hot and steamy let your friend come out of the closet proposing a treesome.. result: girl got fucking mad and later on we heard she was actually hurt. who knew she had a thing for him anyways.

Having a program that records girls stripping infront of their camera, after that person sweettalked her into it("yes, it will be our little dirty secret") then showing his friends which cant keep their mouth shut and tell atleast 2 girls of his actions..

Making girls cry by verbally harrassing them(while drunk for full effect).

Making your ex girlfriend take off her top in the middle of a field(so you can get busy) Jump up and run for the car with her top, leaving her shocked and while he drives off he honks at the farmer who is busy at the other field. that stuff was funny.

Having a sex relation and then cutting her off when he get serious with another girl. even insulting her on the phone because she called for some action, telling her she shoudnt beg, its quite pathetic.. then hanging up. that poor girl got used to bieng used she thinks its normal.

making out with a girl that after the party is over invites you over to her house, inmagine that the girl is totally crazy about that person... then right before you step in her car, a hot chick walks by and he decide its better you try your luck with the hotter chick, leaving the girl behind in tears, smashing any hope she tought she had with mr sweettalker.



Probably some guys here are jerks and will have tried to get dirty with a girl then hurting her feelings by leaving her without a word or even worse, backstabbing her telling his friends what a lousy fuck she was. then make fun of her when she walks by. or something of that sort.

So yes, i agree.. guys can be real assholes.. thats why the ones faking it dont get anywhere anways, a true jerk will always have more luck then a good guy who tries to be a jerk. Damn its good to have no feelings.

@ the OP, you have seen nothing yet. but maybe you have.

[Praetorian]

Would you want yourself, if you were a girl?

Without a doubt.

[Guess]

There were alot of defensive replies here, and of course, people are entitled to their opinions, but I just want to clarify somethings here.

I don't think those examples I listed were that big of a deal and that was done on purpose. (There were some things that were too humilating to be reiterated twice). For the most part I was being sarcastic more than anything else.

The point i was trying to get through was that both sexes tend to have bad personality in their population: Not just girls.

[JudoPorkChop]

If you have a really shitty personality, work on it. Maybe you could ask these girls who have rejected you (the ones you so childishly decide to call bitches, just because they don't want to fuck you) to tell you what about you might be a major turn-off.


Well, if that ain't the shot heard around the world... But it's a bad, BAD idea.

Now, I ask this of all the women in the forum (and according to internet theory, the men pretending to be women too...)

Ever rejected someone for an arbitrary reason? Too nice? Too tall? Bad hair? Couldn't dance? Didn't drink? His friend was hotter? Took you to a restaurant that served french fries instead of lobster and steak? Whatever? It's okay, we're all friends here, you can tell us. What would you tell the poor loser when he came back and asked you why? Would you tell the truth? Could you? After living in the FMZ (Friend Man Zone) for years and years, I have learned that women toss aside men faster than men will do for women. When I give examples of arbitrary reasons, They aren't random, they're drawn from years of attentive listening, and the ability not to instantly laugh when someone says dumb stuff. Oh, better yet, lemme toss out a few exceptions. This will come across as vulgar, but hey.... Got a shitty personality? Learn how to channel your inner pornstar. Learn how to fuck a girl's brains out. Why? I have seen the most intelligent women, who have capacity and wisdom to know better, stick with an incredibly toxic man for no other reason than, well, he knew how to fuck her. Damned if he knew anything else. Years. YEARS this shit went on, shitty personality and all.

Also, I hate to be blunt (No I don't, but...), there are multiple kinds of dealbreakers. Most of them come into play when you ain't Denzel. Meaning, if you don't look your best, you ain't gonna get away with not acting your best, or doing your best. It's a sad fact, but we are a shallow bunch. Women are NOT looking at you, moistening their pink over your massive, throbbing.... inner beauty. Save it, you're just not. Go the the gym, get a haircut, spray some Hugo on... appeal to as many aesthetic senses as possible.

Often times, truly compatible people don't meet because...well... they just don't meet. I don't know how many times I or someone else have simply let opportunity pass because we weren't up for half-assed rejection excuse #2789034562346. Personally, I've given up the chase, it allows for too much wasted energy on women best left ignored. I figure any woman that I'd be interested in is going to have enough chutzpah to come after me and get my attention. Likely, someone who I might have found interesting will go ignored, because I'm not one to chase any longer.

As for the OP? Those are mild assholes, if they ever were in the first place. Lacking tact and common sense, sure. Jerks and assholes? Hardly.

[hapacheese]

Ever rejected someone for an arbitrary reason?

That's usually a secondary reason, but the first reason they vocalize. I've spent waaaaaay too much time being the confidant of my fiance's various friends and yeah, they sometimes give weird reasons... but after talking them through it and helping them find the words, it's usually something deeper than that.

A lot of people simply don't know how to vocalize amorphous feelings and opinions, and will blurt out the first thing that stands out in their mind. So, things like "he chews on ice too much" would likely be a secondary reason to "there simply was no magic," which has more to do with compatibility or overall physical attractiveness.

[Trump]

I think you are right there. A lot of time people get feelings and have no idea how to express them. Most of the time they don't know what they want. Somehow, deep down, they know it won't work so they'll come up with the first reason they can. They don't take the time to really think about it, figure out why they know it won't work and so.... you get burned. If someone came up to you and said ..

"I just don't think it will work. There is too much uncomfortable silence when we are alone so our personalities just don't seem to be matching up. And our senses of humor are too different, you like raunchy and I like sarcastic and it just isn't working."

Hell, most people would be like hey, I can understand that. But most people don't take the time to figure out the real reasons so they throw out the first stupid reason they come up with and people get hurt.

[CNagy]

First impressions are killer, and JPC has hit the nail on the head-- well, one of the nails. Don't expect to ride your personality all the way to the finish line: the old 'fish in the sea' analogy exists for a reason, you have to capture a woman's interest. This includes taking some pride in your physical appearance. Even if you weren't graced with a symmetrical face or proportionate features, you can put in a bit of time to ensure that you are reasonably fit if not trim, that your hair and facial hair is neatly groomed, that your teeth are white (with all the whitening stuff out there these days, there's no excuse to be off-white,) that your car is clean inside and out even if it is a shitbox on wheels, and a thousand other little details.

I don't necessarily agree with all the arbitrary reasons, though. Everything I've heard past the "he chews his food loudly" and "he snorts when he laughs" was something to the tune of "it just didn't click for me," "his personality made me a little uneasy," or some other very valid excuse. Men, I think, overlook this because we have a broader range of acceptance. Maybe a girl's personality irks me, but I'm going to have to give her another go and see if it remains the same because, damnit, I'm fishing and it seems alot harder for me to pull one than it is for women to find other bait (maybe I'm carrying that analogy too far.)

The sex thing? If that's what she's in for, that's not a mark against her. People have relationships for different reasons; if I'm looking for knock-out sex, that's the most important quality and everything else is secondary. The fact that he (or she) doesn't have a personality to back it up, or intelligence, or has a bad personality is immaterial, because that's not what the relationship is based on. Women can be like men, sometimes, and by that I mean that they have a sex drive and occasionally it asserts its will on their decisions. That's nothing bad, just human nature.

[kensei]

I think I'm a member of a dying breed who believes it best to simply be yourself *shrugs*

[hapacheese]

Yes, you should be yourself at all times.

But "being yourself" should not be mistaken with "being inconsiderate/rude to others simply because you don't want to bother" (not inferring that you are). A big difference.

[kensei]

Agreed. I just can't help but notice how many guys are out there trying to be something they are not simply to get a girl. I mean, honestly, why try and get into a relationship by pretending to be someone else? I can only see that sort of relationship ending poorly.

[CNagy]

Being yourself doesn't mean being a slob, though. Being yourself has to do with personality, which is a whole different ballgame from how you look. If you want results, and most people who try dating are trying to get past the first date, you need to put every factor that you can in your favour.

The idea isn't to be what you aren't. When I say clean up your appearance, I don't just mean for the date. I mean as a lifestyle change. Everything has its pros and cons, and it is up to each person to decide if one outweighs the other.

[yahoodood]

Bullshit. I'm 1.70cm (5"7 for them stupid imperialsystemers), if I didn't want a girl that's taller than me I wouldn't get a girl at all.


Also if that made you feel 'miserable' I really do feel sad for you.


i hope you're taller then 1.7 cms... of course everyone overlooked it and it should be Meters.... right? :D

anywhoms i agree with almost everybody's opinion so far... xD

[Praetorian]

i hope you're taller then 1.7 cms... of course everyone overlooked it and it should be Meters.... right? :D

anywhoms i agree with almost everybody's opinion so far... xD


Took you people long enough to notice. ;)

[Annoying MSN Person]

I'd say 1.7 cm describes you perfectly though Praetorian....

[Praetorian]

Shut up. Just because I'm smaller than you I'm not a freaking midget.

[MFDub]

I'd say 1.7 cm describes you perfectly though Praetorian....


OH SHNAP! :eek:




As for my two cents:


Being aesthetically pleasing is a plus, obviously. You look better with a nice haircut and a shave and women tend to respond positively to that. Sure, if you're already in a relationship or someone already has feelings for you they're going to give you more leeway, but if you're trying to start something, it helps to look nice. That doesn't mean you have to change who you are or try and wear what's "styling" and "chic" and whatever other buzzwords come to mind. Just wear what you like, shave how much you like, cut off how much hair you want, whatever. Put a little effort into not looking like a slob and you'll be fine.

To me, being yourself is the most important part of all. Why? Because that's how you find the people who you are truly compatible with. The way I see it, putting forth a false front leads to problems later on because, eventually, your true self will emerge. And if your partner isn't aware of who you truly are, well, some of the initial attraction will depart.

Which is why this asshole thing is, in my opinion, kind of silly. If you're not an asshole, why act like one and get in a relationship with a girl who's attracted to assholes? Why not take your time, look around and find someone who actually has something in common with you? Someone who you can feel pretty confident will like you for who you are, even if you don't quite know who you are yet.

During the time my girlfriend and I have been dating, she started noticing a few flaws in my personality. And not "eats messily" type flaws (which I have plenty of), but serious issues with myself I had to face. And while the periods of time in which these were pointed out were messy, she saw hints of these flaws when we first started dating. So she was able to deal with me while I tried to fix these flaws because she kinda knew that they were there. In other words, she knew who I was and understood that the problems were part of my personality, which she wouldn't have if I had acted in a manner that wasn't my own.

And looking back, I realize I rambled and completely strayed from the original point of this thread and, indeed, this post itself. The point I was going to make was: assholes suck and are indeed prevalent in both genders. How the rest came about, I'm not quite sure. Ranty, ranty. :D

[Mr.Babalo]

Hieght is an issue, and it's true some guys don't feel right when they are shorter.

to be frank: im one of them. Although there are always exceptions, i've dated a tall girl before and dam was that ever fun! Usually girls who are tall are only taller because their legs are longer, and therefore sexyier then your average shortgirl(imo), for example: my situation seemed ocward at first, but when we sat together, we were the same hieght. Usually everyone's torso is about the same size, its just the legs that make up the difference in height.



You guys forgot to mention that girls usually only go for guys who are older and guys usually go for younger girls.