My boyfriend has bad friends...

[Mysticalmelody]

I really don't know where to begin with this one. Alright, for all purposes of this thread, my boyfriend shall be named Mike, and his crazy friend shall be named John.

John has no social skills whatsoever. Here's an example. He shows up at Mike's house uninvited and unannounced:

John: Hey what's up?
Mike: I'm ... eating dinner with my family.
John: Oh okay *walks in"

... family not knowing what else to do just offers food and such.

John doesn't really care if Mike doesn't want to do something. Example is that his parents were out of town and he wanted to have a party with about 4 friends including Mike. The party was going to be on the day of our prom though. He begged mike for hours to try and get him to go. He said that we could go after prom was over and that the party wouldn't be a party without Mike. Then finally after I told him no and he was convinced we weren't going to go he wanted Mike to come to his house before our prom to help him clean it up for the party. John tried to guilt him into it by saying "But you're my best friend and when I get married I want you to be my best man. Can't you just do this for me?" He really won't take no for an answer....

He's obsessed with Mike! I think he was just using cleaning as an excuse for him to come over that day. Mike didn't go though. :) As a further example, he moved his birthday party bonfire till 2-3 weeks after his birthday so Mike could come. He IMs me asking where Mike is and saying he's bored so he hopes Mike comes online soon. He's also in the business of bribing Mike with things he likes so that he can hang out with him. He even bribes me if he wants to do something with mike on a friday which is my only day with Mike. If I say no he complains that he hardly gets to see Mike and that the only times are in class, or "when on different computers in the same room playing games so it doesn't count" I swear sometimes I feel like I need to remind him that Mike is my boyfriend not his.

John is also very rude. No respect for women. As an 18 year old who has had one girlfriend that lasted a month (a girl Mike was with for 2 days before he broke up with her and she poured chocolate milk on his head for it :P), and never had sex, John put that he was a swinger and included his penis length in his myspace.

The first time I met him he asked me what size bra I wore, then started guessing when I didn't say anything. He has also said to me on other occasions,
Are you wearing a bra, It doesn't look like it.
Are you a virgin? You must not be because you're not answering the question.
.... as well as plenty of fat jokes about me, I have repeatedly asked him to stop saying.
.. he also tries to hug me randomly or poke me.

If you ever met John I would advise you to never ever tell him something you don't want everyone to know. John once told me something private Mike did not want known, even after Mike was saying "No, seriously dude, don't say anything" And another time John, out of the blue, said "Hey, you know last night when we went to the amusement park Mike was commenting how many hot girls were there." What sort of motivation did he have in saying that?

I really don't know what's up with John. Mike's family all says he has no social skills and generally dislikes him. Mike's sister-in-law said to me that she thought there was something undiagnosed there.

I'm short on examples so maybe the stuff I'm saying he does doesn't seem so bad to you guys, but if you knew him you might wish you didn't. It really boggles my mind how he can rationalize some of the things he says and does in his mind. I sort of want him to get a girlfriend because then he migh stop wanting to hang out with Mike constantly. However, I would only wish him upon my worst female-enemy, or maybe someone nice who miraculously was immune to his rudeness... or just as rude and crazy as him.

Anyhow, I just don't know what to do with John anymore, I've told him exactly what I thought of him and the rude things he does, I told him to stop doing this and that, and why he should. I don't think anything has worked. I got him to change his myspace thank god, but otherwise he's the same... crazy guy obsessed with my boyfriend, guilting my boyfriend into doing things, and being rediculously rude to me.

Mike pretty much agrees with everything that I've said. He says John is a pretty good guy underneath it all, and I could see that in him, except for those times when he speaks... He's also said he has no real reason to be John's friend ...but he is anyway.

What's left for me to do about it? x.x .... Mike has another friend I'll call Ray who borrows stuff for long periods of time without returning it and calls him rediculously often. At least he's nice though unlike John. Mike sometimes says he needs new friends and I agree. I'm thinking of handing out flyers and friend applications... lol

[Druid]

Sounds like a guy I know. To some him up, he's a ass. Plain and simple.

[Mysticalmelody]

For sure, can't say how many times Mike or I have told him that too... "John stop being an ass!" *whack* If he ever hugs me he gets a good smack and those times he's rude to me when it isn't online, Mike will punch him.

[Frankey-eh]

that was a good read...
Mike's just too nice :)
but I think this is a problem between Mike and John though. Maybe you should let Mike tell John to stop doing things?

[Lisa M]

John probably sees the "Stop it! *Thwack!*" as a sign of friendship and closeness.

I've found that "No. You're leaving. Call first next time." if someone shows up uninvited works really well. Close door in face. If you need to, call their parents to come humiliate them.

[Druid]

Hmm? Thats goes beyond honor. Not a very good way to deal with things.

[Mysticalmelody]

that was a good read...
Mike's just too nice :)
but I think this is a problem between Mike and John though. Maybe you should let Mike tell John to stop doing things?

Lol, mike is too nice... I know the friend I met him through is in special ed, as well as Ray who I mentioned at the end. You know Ray got Mike expelled in the second half of senior year.... I still like him better than John. That says a lot doesn't it?

I remember once Mike actually stood up to John cause he was being especially unreasonable. I was proud of him. However, Mike is generally one to not care enough, and he really avoids confrontation at all times. Plus, John likes to say he should just die and stuff if people start pointing out obvious things he does that are wrong. "I must not be good for anything. You must hate me. I might as well just die, since I'm so horrible and useless." .. He gets super-dramatic and guilt trippy.

Edit: Thanks for the "good read" part :) I try to make my long rants entertaining. Az is my idol though. I'll never reach his level.

to avoid double posting .... John probably sees the "Stop it! *Thwack!*" as a sign of friendship and closeness.

I've found that "No. You're leaving. Call first next time." if someone shows up uninvited works really well. Close door in face. If you need to, call their parents to come humiliate them.

I'll tell Mike to do that if he ever does it again.
We punch him pretty hard sometimes... especially when I do it it can't be considered that, cause he knows i dislike him tremendously. With Mike, he's just sticking up for me.

[Druid]

To soft by far.
:watson:

[Lisa M]

A lot of guys take punching as a sign of affection, though. Because they're "just joking", and joking with someone means you're friends.

It's stupid logic.

[Druid]

It's stupid logic.

Contradiction :duh:

[Lisa M]

It's a valid argument based on false premises.

[Mysticalmelody]

A lot of guys take punching as a sign of affection, though. Because they're "just joking", and joking with someone means you're friends.

It's stupid logic.

Maybe I should kick him in the nuts instead. Nah, I'm not that mean.
I've tried just telling him no, stop saying/asking/doing that but he just says "why?" and keeps it up. Violence or the threat of it/more of it is the only thing that makes him quit.

[Druid]

XD
Sounds like he'd be Bubba's bitch when push came to shove.

[Mysticalmelody]

hehehe oh man, prison would be perfect for him! *gets a hopeful gleam in her eye* ... hmmm ....maybe some child porn planted on his comp... people would believe that, cause he's a perv... ;)

[NERD]

I didn't read the OP, but it seems like the boyfriend's male friends/the girlfriend conflict I've seen often in TV shows and movies I shouldn't be watching in the first place.

My advice to you is either you transform into 'one of the guys' or transform your boyfriend into a more effeminate man who will disgust and turn his friends away, making him yours only.

[Mysticalmelody]

I didn't read the OP, but it seems like the boyfriend's male friends/the girlfriend conflict I've seen often in TV shows and movies I shouldn't be watching in the first place.

My advice to you is either you transform into 'one of the guys' or transform your boyfriend into a more effeminate man who will disgust and turn his friends away, making him yours only.

Oh, I go well with the guys. Video games, RPGs, right on! I can play Magic TG. I love anime... etc. (Mike and his friends are all geeky types, no need to like sports or follow football) I think you need to read at least part of the post to understand what I mean when I say he has bad friends :) The fact that he agrees says something too.

[NERD]

I can play Magic TG. I love anime... etc. (Mike and his friends are all geeky types, no need to like sports or follow football)

Yeah, I will read your post. But MTG? Say no more.

[Orclover]

Maybe I should kick him in the nuts instead. Nah, I'm not that mean.
I've tried just telling him no, stop saying/asking/doing that but he just says "why?" and keeps it up. Violence or the threat of it/more of it is the only thing that makes him quit.

Find John a girlfriend, any girlfriend. He will never bug your boytoy Mike again. John just needs another emotional outlet to abuse him for a change. Now before you say "oh I would never subject any woman to Johns abuses!!.." Bah and bullshit, I know plenty of women that deserve a emotional and psychological pitt of endless need like John, hell I have my own "john" in fact.

[Mysticalmelody]

Yeah, I will read your post. But MTG? Say no more.

Say no more about the geekness? or... Say no more that cause I can play I'm okay with being one of the guys? (mind you I can't play well! XD)

Edit to avoid double post:

Find John a girlfriend, any girlfriend. He will never bug your boytoy Mike again. John just needs another emotional outlet to abuse him for a change. Now before you say "oh I would never subject any woman to Johns abuses!!.." Bah and bullshit, I know plenty of women that deserve a emotional and psychological pitt of endless need like John, hell I have my own "john" in fact.

:D ... that made me giggle ... Seriously though, John's waay too sexually deprived. He'd jump on the poor girl and start humping as soon as she agreed to be his girlfriend. I wish I had more enemies....

[NERD]

MTG is, imo, one of the ultimate steps that leads to geekdom. Gaaaaaawd. It is on the same line of geekiness like any heated debate about Picard/Kirk, Han/Greedo, cosplay, LARP, D&D.... if you happen to mention all of them in the same sentence, you will melt under the sun.

[Mysticalmelody]

MTG is, imo, one of the ultimate steps that leads to geekdom. Gaaaaaawd. It is on the same line of geekiness like any heated debate about Picard/Kirk, Han/Greedo, cosplay, LARP, D&D.... if you happen to mention all of them in the same sentence, you will melt under the sun.

teeheehee I plan on cosplaying at the next anime expo, and I have a friend who does LARP/D&D with shinai faighting who invited me to join. I wanna go :P

I used to watch star trek, never was a fan of star wars though.

To top it all off I have renaissance garb. :)

[Druid]

*finds revolver and starts breaking it down* Dunno. Sometimes a girl can make it worse. Never know. Every man is different....

[Mysticalmelody]

I wanted to point out i'm not really offended by those perverted questions he asks, so much as I'm like "WTF how can you say that to a lady?" and it bugs really cause it's combined with his other asshole-ish characteristics. I want him to be fixed, but I know that'll never happen.

[羽之助]

Get this guy a Japanese exchange student who can't tell if a person is batshit insane or not.

And, judging by the 'prom' thing, you're still in high school? In that case, screw the 'best friend' and 'wedding' crap, as soon as you hit university you will all be far from John.

And the next time he pulls the suicide dramatic on you, respond with Dickens: "If you're going to die, then hurry up and do it and reduce the surplus population!"

If the aforeposted suggestions don't work, that is.

[Druid]

I want him to be fixed, but I know that'll never happen.
Though I agree he is a ass, is castrating really the answer?

[NERD]

I want him to be fixed, but I know that'll never happen.

Take him to a vet. Animal population control is important.

[Druid]

Thats right* finishes cleaning the barrel and puts everythin' back together* Man.....I need a new handle. This wood is startin to crack.....

[Mysticalmelody]

Get this guy a Japanese exchange student who can't tell if a person is batshit insane or not.

LOL good advice! Too bad he's not attractive. If I ever find one i'll try it but that whole appearance thing will make it harder.

And, judging by the 'prom' thing, you're still in high school? In that case, screw the 'best friend' and 'wedding' crap, as soon as you hit university you will all be far from John.

Nah. I've been in college for a year now. (Been with my bf almost 2 years) John transferred from a higher university to a community college so he could take classes with mike.

And the next time he pulls the suicide dramatic on you, respond with Dickens: "If you're going to die, then hurry up and do it and reduce the surplus population!"

He's such a loser i'm afraid he'd do it sadly.

If the aforeposted suggestions don't work, that is.

Responses in bold.

Druid: lol, nah doubtfully not so.

[羽之助]

He TRANSFERRED to a lower-level college to take classes with Mike? Oh dear God. How hard is it to get a restraining order?

Slight admiration for his perseverance, though. I say find the local anime club, find a female virgin who is failing or on academic probation, and say 'hook up'!

[Druid]

Yup. It's official. Destoy all humans.

[Mysticalmelody]

hehe yeah.. When ranting you forget such important evidences... I asked and john made the excuse it was closer and he saved gas money ... but .. I believe him not one bit. Too bad his online GF doesn't capture enough of his attention for him to stop bugging my bf.

[Druid]

Let me guess....MYspace. That damn place is plague that has bothered humanity for for to long. Tis a place that encourages evil.

[Mysticalmelody]

Actually I don't think so, no evidence of mushy posts on his myspace. and the top girl in his friends list has no comments from him. I was curious about that myself when I found out he had a gf.

[ninjabastard]

John transferred from a higher university to a community college so he could take classes with mike.

Ok, he's fucking crazy. I went kicking and screaming to a community college. What the fuck is he thinking? Real college is so much better.

[Overkongen]

These things are tricky. It's really important that "John" really doesn't see "Mike" as a friend. If he doesn't, he oughta break the connection. Tried a guy like that, it was horrible, and not that easy getting him to leave me alone. He'd also badmouth my girlfriend, and I'm guessing that it was out of jealuosy, or fear that once I started getting serious with her, I'd have less time for him. So now, I haven't spoken to him for several months, and it feels good.

[Mysticalmelody]

I agree, I go to a regular one and I wish Mike would too but he didn't get the best grades and being expelled thanks to Ray didn't help much either. Plus he hates busses, can't drive, and the community college is within biking distance.

John's pretty crazy though yeah. x.x

Edit: Over, That'd be nice if he did that, but i think that Mike still finds John fun to hang out with every so often. Also how John bribes him with taking him places he wants to go, and doing stuff Mike likes to do... is kinda a big plus for Mike.

[Praetorian]

"WTF how can you say that to a lady?"


You keep referring to yourself as a lady, as if you're less deserving of verbal abuse than guys and girls who aren't ladies.

It's annoying.

[Overkongen]

So she whines, so what? All females bitch and moan all the time.

[Druid]

As do a few males.
Bwahahahahahahahaha

[Mysticalmelody]

You keep referring to yourself as a lady, as if you're less deserving of verbal abuse than guys and girls who aren't ladies.

It's annoying.

It's pervertedness and private, sexual questions that are being asked. I'm just saying, he can act like that with his good guy friends, cause they're different. Same gender and closeness makes a difference. I'll ask my girl friends if they're virgins or their bra size and i won't mind if they ask me the same. I'm sure guys are the same way. It's different when sexual questions come from a guy, especially one you barely know. It's more offensive if he asks me than if he asked Mike the same thing. Maybe next time he asks a private question I'll reply with one just as private... How often do you master... NVM screw that idea cause I don't really wanna know and he might actually answer. x.x

also in my book Lady = Female ... not some higher state of woman or anything silly like that.

[Overkongen]

I don't think a lot of guys have issues with private questions, be they asked by a boy or a girl.

And maybe I'm just that seemingly nice guy that you can trust, but last week, this girl I hadn't talked to before came up to me and started talking. A bit later she was telling me how she knew that different guys had different tastes in this, but she still considered herself fairly good at giving head, because she figured that all guys liked it when the girl was able to get it all the way in. I should at this point remark that she has a D-cup.

[Mysticalmelody]

I don't think a lot of guys have issues with private questions, be they asked by a boy or a girl.

And maybe I'm just that seemingly nice guy that you can trust, but last week, this girl I hadn't talked to before came up to me and started talking. A bit later she was telling me how she knew that different guys had different tastes in this, but she still considered herself fairly good at giving head, because she figured that all guys liked it when the girl was able to get it all the way in. I should at this point remark that she has a D-cup.

Lol, yeah everyone is different. But really to be polite and keep cautious, best to restrain yourself from incredibly personal questions from anyone you don't know well, especially if they're sexual and the person is from the opposite gender.

Edit: If you really feel the need to talk to someone about something private, I think it's generally easier to talk to strangers especially if you'll never/rarely see them again. But I think being asked is a different story. It's invasive. If you went up to that girl and started asking her things about her sex life, she *probably* won't be so informative. But not all girls are the same.

I know if I'd answered John when he asked if I was a virgin, he would have gone on to ask even more personal questions about me and Mike. And like I said before, don't ever tell john anything you don't wan everyone knowing.

Like I said, I'm not one to be offended or anything but really I was just shocked he'd actually ask those sort of things of someone he didn't know. It's a lack of respect for privacy really.

[PopCulturePooka]

Some elements of Johns personality sound like a person with the same first name initial that posts here!

[Mysticalmelody]

Lol, not the same I assure you ;)

[Sock Full of Boiled Dimes]

Sounds like Mike isn't going to be at Johns wedding anytime soon.

[PopCulturePooka]

Lol, not the same I assure you ;)
Oh my, you bolded ass.

[Mysticalmelody]

Me and my random bolding of semi-applicable words.

[PopCulturePooka]

I know!!!!!

[jook]

It is I, "Mike." At least, that seems to be the name I've been assigned. I agree I'm too nice. By a long shot. "John" (Why change names? Who cares?) probably deserves more than the occaisional good, swift fist to the shoulder/stomach/neck. Anybody ever heard the "Boot to the Head" sketch? That might be more appropriate. But it really do generally try to avoid confrontation. Anyway, this "John" has his uses. He has a car (a '64 mustang!), whereas I don't drive. I get him to take me places sometimes. Still, that doesn't make it even.

Maybe next time he asks a private question I'll reply with one just as private... How often do you master... NVM screw that idea cause I don't really wanna know and he might actually answer. x.x


...I bet he would. *shudder*

[Mysticalmelody]

Yay, *glomp*

I dunno why I changed names, I don't really care if mine shows up here somewhere, but I dunno about you and yours/your friends so whatever.

[Beowulf]

Wow I'm surprised nobody said this yet.
(Despite my usual sarcasm, I'm being totally serious here.)

John is gay.

John has a crush on your boyfriend.

Seriously, think about it. It really does explain everything.

[jook]

As for Ray, the incident Mysti mentions went something like this...

Him: Can I borrow your bike? I want to go to the 99-cent store with my buddy. He's gonna take my bike so I want yours.
Me: (figuring that could take, at most, what? an hour?) Okay.
(This was wednesday)
Time goes by...
-Saturday-
Him: (coming by my house to bring back the bike) Hi
Me: omgwtf why are you bringing this back 4 days later? I had to miss 3 different classes cause I couldn't get to school cause you had my bike! Why is there a hole in the hand grip? How did you manage to wear through a layer of the seat cushion thingy? What happened to the rear light? And it's mount! No more borrowing stuff for you!


---


John has a crush on your boyfriend.

He has specifically denied liking my that way though he does say he's bi.


() Edited to remove double post. And cause I broke the quote tag. And to add a bit to the conversation Saturday. And cause I typoed. ()

[Mysticalmelody]

hehehe I've said that before, hence the "he's my boyfriend not yours thing"

though he denies it I dunno... My bf is pretty sexy. At least if he does like him that way he doesn't dare act on anything. But I'm inclined to say he doesn't. He's just a lonely guy with very few people who will put up with him.

[Alphonse v.2]

I would probably go and meet John's parents and ask straight out: "Whats the deal? Did you guys drop him on his head or something?"

[Mysticalmelody]

Maybe if we took a crane and hoisted him up 50 feet or so then dropped him on his head again the problem would be fixed and he'd be normal. You know, like amnesia, he'll remember how to not be an asshole.

[Alphonse v.2]

Or we could knock him out, and put him on a remote island with cameras everywhere and a volleyball. And then after a few weeks we could tape some speakers to the volleyball and start teaching him social lessons.

[Beowulf]

He has specifically denied liking my that way though he does say he's bi.
No I'm pretty sure he likes you *that way*

Seriously, one of my best friends knew a guy (who honestly could be this guy from what I'm reading) who did all this same kinda stuff. We were all pretty fed up with him so we got my buddy to ask him "what the hell." He started crying, admitted he was gay, insisted that he was in love with aforementioned buddy, then tried to kiss him. Keep in mind that my buddy had a g/f of about 1.5 years at that point. So yeah, that ended real real well.

My fear (if I were you) is that this is (or could become) a stalker situation. These things never end well. Its actually pretty bad (and probably remarkably stressful) for him psychologically to be doing this.

At least if he does like him that way he doesn't dare act on anything. But I'm inclined to say he doesn't. He's just a lonely guy with very few people who will put up with him.
That's probably the biggest problem. If he does have a long-time crush on your boyfriend, then the longer this goes on the more he'll hurt in the long run.

[Druid]

*lands in topic*
I'm the juggernaught bitch!

[wimmpy]

John sounds spoiled.

How does he afford all these gifts he gives your boyfriend? If John has a job, what does he do?

or

You're just making something out of nothing. This whole thing could be a big prank.

I love the internet, nothing is what it seems. :cop:

[羽之助]

It's easy. Stage a breakup, then have Johnook announce that he is off women forever ... and has just gotten a boyfriend (get one of your friends to play the part). That should break Mike's heart enough for him to start going out on his own. After 2 weeks get back together with Mysti.

[Josh]

I know a guy that is exactly like "John" but his name is cody and he smells pretty bad... Yeah, but he does all the same stuff except he doesnt have a car.

He can tell some pretty good jokes though and thats why we are friends.

Just tell him Mike is switching to some other college in another state then just miss a couple days of classes in a row. Then when he goes to follow you, just transfer to another college in your general area and never answer your door or phone ever again... It sounded better in my head, I will admit that much.

[Kwiz]

Get Mike to explicitly tell John that he's being a pest. From what you've told us, it seems that he's the only one John listens to.

[Sock Full of Boiled Dimes]

Sorry, Mike is reminding me of my best friend.

I actually only think guys can be good friends when they constantly make fun of each other.

"I hate you so much man."

Translation: "You are my best friend buddy."

[Mysticalmelody]

Wimmpy: I think he is... umm Jook/mike could confirm this but I think his parents pay for things. I've never heard him mention a job. It's not really stuff john gives, but he will do whatever jook wants(I'm using jook from now on) pretty much so he can hang out with him.

Hane: I think that you got mike/john mixed up. Mike is jook... John is crazy friend. I don't think your suggestion would work very well though unfortunately. John might keep it up and go after him even more thinking he was gay. :P... it'd be funny if ray played the boyfriend though, lol. John hates ray.

Kwiz: Jook's always telling john what an ass he is, etc. John might try to dismiss it as joking around with the guys, and if it did get to him he might just have selective memory later like he has with me.

.... I'm starting to think the only solution would be if jook just tried saying something like, "Okay I've had enough. You're <insert every bad adjective we can use to describe him here> I don't want to be your friend anymore." and when he keeps trying to say something about it just say "nope sorry!" I bet he might change for the sake of being friends though, or at least try/say he has changed. He'd still be crazy though.

Jook's not nearly confrontational enough to do that though. XD Too bad it never works when I do it. It might work if I did all the badmouthing of him and jook just said he agreed fully, except john would just insist I'm controlling jook.

[jook]

Get Mike to explicitly tell John that he's being a pest. From what you've told us, it seems that he's the only one John listens to.

You think we don't tell him that constantly? :p

It's easy. Stage a breakup, then have Johnook announce that he is off women forever ... and has just gotten a boyfriend (get one of your friends to play the part). That should break Mike's heart enough for him to start going out on his own. After 2 weeks get back together with Mysti.

You've gotten our names mixed up.