View Full Version : Suddenly I'm An Abused Woman
conners
04-13-2006, 06:38 PM
So now according to my school I’m an abused woman because I was hit with a hockey puck. I know as you read this you’ll think it sounds like a bullshit story (I wish it was), but it isn’t. I’m still amazed myself at how quickly this incident has degenerated.
It all started out on Sunday when it was nice out and we were playing roller hockey. Carrick slapped a shot at the goal, the goalie blocked it and it rebounded and hit me on my left forearm. It left a bruise but was no big deal since shit like this happens all the time. However on Tuesday I was walking out of class and one of my friends asked me about the bruise. Since ice hockey season is over she was wondering how I got it. I said something along the lines of “I got hit by a deflection off Carrick’s [she knows Carrick, so I used his name so she can give him hell for it, bad move on my part] shot over at Palmer [the roller hockey rink].” Behind me another girl heard “Carrick hit me.” She goes running off to the school’s police and counseling departments to tell them this. Also she goes to the racial relationships people cause it is a white dude beating up an Asian girl or so she claims. Never even bothers to ask me about it before doing all this. Even better she gets some other girls in the class to testify I’m routinely bruised (she has an entire legion of friends in that class). No shit, I play hockey, I have a bruise somewhere on my body year round since I’m always on the ice or doing roller hockey.
Now some back story here is the girl that went off the cops is on the Asian Culture Council and always on my ass because I’m seen as a twinkie. Good Asian girls go to plays, Lunar Balls and shit, not play ice hockey with 24 big ass American guys (although two of them are Canadian, one is Samoan, one is Korean, two are European, and one is African. But she doesn’t know that.) Also she keeps telling me how much happier I’d be if I’d embrace my culture. Oddly my Vietnamese is a hell of a lot better than hers. So I guess this is being done to protect poor little me from myself and those big scary non Asian guys. I think I’ll kick her ass in Friday lecture.
So I come back from coaching the 14 and under team on Wednesday night and am making dinner when two female cops show up and say they want to talk to about this. Now this is the first I’ve heard of this. I’m making dinner and suddenly I have two cops wanting to talk to me about my boyfriend (Why wasn’t I informed we were going out?) beating me up. They explain it is about the bruise and someone overheard me saying “Carrick hit me.”. I drag out my hockey gear (see, see officers a stick, skates and pads all sized for me) and explain to them I play hockey. They ask how I could be bruised if I have pads (despite the fact I never showed them any kind of pad that would protect my forearm), so I explain it was just roller hockey and it was hot out so no pads were worn. I also drag out my roommate and my neighbors who all vouch I am not being beaten up by Carrick. The cops seem satisfied by that and head off.
Two hours later three more people show up, some professor who heads the coalition to prevent the abuse of female students by those evil boyfriends (and has angry feminist written all over her), a staff member of the University who does the same thing more or less (and qualifies as a slightly less pissed off feminist with a hideously butch haircut) and an Asian cultural advisor. The Asian cultural advisor tries to talk to me in Chinese to put me more at ease. Never mind the fact that my name is the Vietnamese variant of a Chinese name (which would lead one to think I might be Vietnamese maybe? ). I smile at her and address her in the Nung variant of Tai, which pretty much only Nungs speak and she clearly isn’t Nung. We use English for the rest of our talk. I go through the same song and dance routine, “Look hockey gear, my roommate who says I don’t get beaten up, etc, etc.” The proff looks at me and goes “We want you to talk freely with us, we understand that a lot of people are ashamed of being weak and letting men abuse them, so they’ll lie to themselves and others and create cover stories.” First thought that goes through my head “What the fuck bitch?” My roommate has the sense to grab my arm before I demonstrate the fact I can take care of myself by wiping that fake little “I care about you and want to be your friend” smile off that bitch’s face. I get a hold of myself and dig out all the awards I’ve earned in martial arts to prove I can protect myself. They smile and nod politely and then say they want me to come to their office on Friday and talk about this. They explain that the comforting environment will help me feel more at ease. Also they say they send campus police over to warn Carrick to steer clear of me and if contacts me at all I should call the cops and they’ll deal with him. I flip at this point and start using the words I learned from my dad after my middle brother drove the truck through the back wall off our garage. Ms. Asian Cultural Advisor understands enough Vietnamese to get the gist of it. That damn proff says that clearly I need some time to release stress from the abusive incident and they excuse themselves after tell me they want me to come in on Friday afternoon. They also give me an assload of numbers of people I can talk to for support and say that a former victim of abuse will call me to talk to me about this. Thankfully the University still thinks my phone number is that of the dorm I lived in my freshman year and I’m not disabusing them of that notion right now.
So far we’re at the point where not only have they sent cops over to warn Carrick off me, despite the fact that I’ve filed no complaints and denied all rumors that he does abuse me and called my parents to talk to them. My dad says he laughed at them and then told my brother who is home on leave, who picked up a second phone and laughed at them (according to them parental denial is just as common as victim denial, since no one wants to admit their little baby daughter is being abused). Oh yeah and they’re worried because my story isn’t consisted (since they believe that I said “Carrick hit me” since that damn girl got her friends to say they heard it as well, and now I’m saying he didn’t and she just misheard it. What ever happened to those legal rules on heresy?) I think legally Carrick could sue them for this if he wanted, but I need to check that. I hope he does and we can use the settlement money for a party. Hint, hint.
I’ve also talked a friend who works at the counseling offices and had him dig up the files on me. According the report “Since Asian culture stresses the avoidance of conflict, it is common for Asian women to accept and deny abuse due to desire to gain acceptance into mainstream culture. We believe this is the case here since the victim (note it doesn’t say alleged victim, I’m already a victim, fuckers) does not converse in her native language (I was born in Ohio morons, they speak English there, not Cantonese, not due they speak Cantonese in Vietnam as a native tongue) except when hysterical and decorates her room in a very Western style [my posters of Gordie Howe and other Red Wings].” There is more, but it isn’t as interesting. One other thing is it seems the Asian people are putting the screws into the counseling people to protect the poor Asian girl. I wonder if they’d ease up the pressure after I walked into their office and discovered how many of their asses I could kick before the cops would show up and Tazer me. Complete and utter jackesses. All of them.
On Friday I’m going to meeting with some experts in domestic abuse, a case worker, some members of the Asian culture council thingie and a legal aide for the University and they’ll outline what I can do to protect myself and how they can help. Sadly shutting the fuck up and getting the hell out of my life doesn’t seem to qualify as help with these morons. I did ask if I could bring a friend for moral support and they agreed. I’m taking Carrick for moral support and show them they’re all assholes. Perhaps we should all go play hockey in their parking lot after the meeting. Whoopsie, was that your windshield? I’m so sorry, but see these stories about puck deflection aren’t bullshit! Here, watch the puck be deflected it into your hood!
Well this is the end of my rant. Damn these angry feminists who hate men and all that. I’ve denied it every step of the way yet they still call my parents, send cops to try to strong arm my friends and all that crap. I think the root cause of the problem is last term three Asian guys hurled racist comments at some white guys and got their asses kicked for it. The Asians went to the cops and said they were victims of a racially motivated assault and got the entire campus riled up for Asian rights. All the Asian cultural organizations made big proclamations on how abused the Asian population of campus is and how the University doesn’t care. They were having a grand old time until the white guys showed up at court with about two dozen witnesses of varying ethnic backgrounds that all testified the Asian men started both the verbal and physical confrontations (and where drunk at the time). Even since then the people that cried racist have been looking for a way to get egg of their face by finding some other racial attack. The girl and her friends that ran to the cops about me being hit all shot their mouths off in that incident as well.
Also is anyone here a case worker for domestic abuse or whatever? Is there like a secret code phrase I can use to prove I’m not abused or something? I’m getting every female friend out there to sign a form that Carrick doesn’t hit me and we’re all friends and buddies and shit, but is there anything else I can do? I’m getting the rest of the team to protest as well, but they are all evil, violent hockey playing guys so I don’t know how far that will get me.
Crowley
04-13-2006, 06:50 PM
Christ almighty that's terrifying.
Taking Carrick along will just make them think he insisted on coming though. Instead take as many friends as you can. Take a lawyer, if you can.
MeneerDijk
04-13-2006, 06:50 PM
Holy crapola! What a completely over the top reaction. Allthough i'd have to commend the girl for trying to help you when she thought something might be up. A lot of people would cover their ears and act like they heard nothing. Allthough she could have been a lot more careful in her assumptions that you were being abused. After that it all goes downhill. Haven't these people heard anything about privacy? Suppose someone is getting abused, i dont think it would help if half the world knew about it. They could have sent one councellor over, ask what was up and that would be the end of it.
I'm not sure if it's a well-meant helping hand, or a way to cover up their asses in case you were getting abused. I hope Carrick isn't getting in trouble over this, since it seems he's already convicted without trial.
Jiant Flying Panda
04-13-2006, 06:51 PM
This would make an awesome episode of Gilmore Girls.
PS: Awesome story. I sorry if I wasn't suppose to but, I laughed at a lot of it.... At parts where I shouldn't be laughing.
Shamu
04-13-2006, 06:51 PM
Holy S***, Connie!
That is a load of BS! As much of a pain as he is, I hope Carrick doesn't get into any more trouble because of this, he doesn't deserve that :(
That really just sucks that no one will listen to you.
It's a good thing that the girls reacted how they did (it sounds like they thought they were doing the right thing) but everything after is just....
I know that many places take abuse very seriously (as they should), but when everyone involved is in agreement that you were not abused, including yourself, it should have been dropped.
I dunno, the whole thing just sounds like BS.
*hugs* I hope everything works out for you guys!
Jiant Flying Panda
04-13-2006, 06:53 PM
Yeah I hope Carrick doesn't get in trouble for this :(
Praetorian
04-13-2006, 06:56 PM
That's quite a story, and an interesting read aswell. Tell me how it turns out.
Haha, feminists are silly.
Although i'm not a girl, i was sent to a shrink because the school thought i was abused at home when i was younger, after i talked with them for 20 mins they sent me home and asked the school not to report abuse because of that. I had a BIG bruise over my eye. So i think that what you're saying is really weird...
And if that girl did what ses just because thought it was right, she wouldn't go and tell all her friends, she would think that you'd probably not want everyone to know, she's just a big gossip bitch.
It sounds more like those feminists are living in denial.. we men are all mosters!
Holy fucking whoa... :bang:
The only way out of this is to prove to them that you're not abused. Don't just trot out shit like awards and hockey gear, have them watch you play a game of hockey, Connie. Show them the puck hitting you, people smacking you around,y ou smacking people around, the whole deal.
If that won't convince them, you'll just have to ride it out. :bang:
conners
04-13-2006, 07:14 PM
Taking Carrick along will just make them think he insisted on coming though. Instead take as many friends as you can. Take a lawyer, if you can.
I was tempted to take Student Legal Services but when I called SLS they said they don't get involved in disputes between students (which is odd since I wanted them to defend the pair of us, not sue Carrick). One of my friends took a Womens Gender Studies class and suggested I talk to her proff. This proff is supposedly a lot more reasonable than the one that came to talk to me and hopefully she can tell me how to get these morons off my back. I feel bad asking for my dad to shell out for a lawyer over this, maybe if I can find a public defender by Friday I'll invite him along. If not I have a friend in Law School I can drag along, that has to be better than nothing.
I'm taking Carrick though, I'll be damned if they tell me who my friends can and can't be and try to get me to talk about them behind their backs.
Jiant Flying Panda I'm sure I'll look back on this and laugh years from now. It is kind of funny in a sick sort of way right now. The sick way being they pretty much want to toss my friend out of school for abuse and right onto the sex offender's list or whatever they do with domestic abuse people.
One little update, one of the guys says the school called the Captain and wants Carrick off the team and off the coaching staff on the little kids team so I won't have to deal with him at practices (I have to admit it would be nice for the defense to be a man short in drills, powerplays galore for me!). Carrick and our Captain are in class right now and not answering their cellphones, so that is unconfirmed.
That's fucked all the way up.
I know the way I'd be handling it, and that's doing some really strenuous physical exercise.
Or having a really loud party.
Either one works.
Neon Pink Shoehorn
04-13-2006, 07:22 PM
you know, I'm really, really glad nothing like this ever happened to me.
heh, I wonder if they're talking to the friend that you told this to? but it sounds as if girl who told the police doesn't know you very well. Or at all. I mean, I can imagine, some guy goes and tries to grab your ass, he ends up crying and with a broken arm. or with fewer reproductive goodies.
I wouldn't bring carrick. He might suplex one of the cops into the table, which, although deeply satisfying, would only make the situation worse.
Crowley
04-13-2006, 07:26 PM
I wouldn't bring carrick.
Seconded (again). It's pretty much the most counter-productive thing you can do.
Firefly
04-13-2006, 07:32 PM
Augh, this really sucks. I'm sorry to hear this, Connie. That girl's reaction was over the top. Maybe she's upset you're not "racially involved" or whatever bs? I'm glad I've never been in a situation like this, it sounds like a mess. I hope you and Carrick get out of it just fine, and if Carrick sues have a kickass party 8)
The Divine Comedy
04-13-2006, 07:36 PM
Wow. That sucks badly. You and Carrick don't deserve that. I suppose that girl's reaction is a good one to have, but those people refusing to get off your back about it... :frypan: I hate people like that. :bang:
General_Admission
04-13-2006, 08:09 PM
wow. That's a complete joke. Where the hell do you live that that happens? Ohio still or Canada?
One more thing:
ETHNICITY <-- over here |||||||||||||||||||||||||| over here --> RACE
2 almost completely different things.
That's like saying I'm German. Complete bullocks. I know nothing about Germany other than Rammstein, science, and the autobahn. I'm American damn it.
I hope everything turns out for the best for you and Carrick, Conners. Continue to play hard and bust some arse & don't get caught up in this. Just keep saying no, b/c that's all you can do. Perhaps a lawyer...but he would probably get most of the cut anyway...may be worth a shot though...just don't let it hit your arm or you'll have child molesting added to the list. XD
tekkan
04-13-2006, 08:11 PM
Don't worry Conners. That white racist bastard will get what he deserves. Beating on our asian women. When will the hatred stop?
wow. That's a complete joke. Where the hell do you live that that happens? Ohio still or Canada?
One more thing:
ETHNICITY <-- over here |||||||||||||||||||||||||| over here --> RACE
2 almost completely different things.
That's like saying I'm German. Complete bullocks. I know nothing about Germany other than Rammstein, science, and the autobahn. I'm American damn it.
I hope everything turns out for the best for you and Carrick, Conners. Continue to play hard and bust some arse & don't get caught up in this. Just keep saying no, b/c that's all you can do. Perhaps a lawyer...but he would probably get most of the cut anyway...may be worth a shot though...just don't let it hit your arm or you'll have child molesting added to the list. XD
Wow... that was the most sensible post I've ever seen you make.
Holy fucking Christ, the world's turning upside down. :(
Duke Luke of Juke
04-13-2006, 08:28 PM
I agree with what Crowley said up there somewhere, DO NOT take Carrick with you to the meeting. I think you were joking (I'm half-retarded, so sometimes I can't tell), but if you weren't, by all means, FUCK NO. Sends the wrong message, makes Carrick look even more like an abusive bully than they already tried & convicted him of being in their own minds.
Aside from that, well, the situation just sucks. I'm sorry to hear it's gone this far, but the best thing for you to do is to keep a level head and continue to deny anything happened aside from what really happened, which was just a simple hockey accident.
Mastiker
04-13-2006, 08:44 PM
that's messed... that's why i'm afriad some prick in my school is gonna rat on me for "abusing" my friends. i'll admit, i am verrry rough with all my friends, including the females, mostly because i don't see them as "female" and "male" other than to crack a joke about them, ya know? to me everyone's friggin equal. as for race... well, i don't really have to deal with it up where i live. the few non-white people around here are pretty integrated into white society, and the one's that aren't i don't hang out with anyways.
some prick did spread some rumor that i beat women, and the kid found out i beat men too.
some prick did spread some rumor that i beat women, and the kid found out i beat men too.
Nice .
Mastiker
04-13-2006, 08:49 PM
yeah, he turned the corner and caught me punchin his buddy.
quite an awkward site, i'll tell you that.
Mastiker
04-13-2006, 08:54 PM
Sounds like fun.
it was, until i had to run away from the guy with the sharp pointy stabby knife.
:( Oh no Connie!
I live pretty close, ya know! I'll come up there and help you beat their butts up! :karate:
...or something like that. :P
They'd take one look at you and die from cuteness overload.
You're like our very own answer to Ultimate Sweetness.
They'd take one look at you and die from cuteness overload.
You're like our very own answer to Ultimate Sweetness.
One word: Pfft! :frypan:
I don't think anyone can compare to Ultimate Sweetness. Well, maybe some people. But not me!
I stand by what I say. They'd die of cuteness overload.
h2orowe
04-13-2006, 09:45 PM
-__-; Next time that bitch that ratted on Carrick for something he didn't even do talks to you about being Asian, tell her she's American, and then punch her in the ovary.
:P And if anyone says anything about you being Vietnamese, or anything, just say "I'm American". Then punch them in the ovaries.
That would be a funny site >_>;
"We know Carrick is abusing you, Connie, please, just admit it"
"Back off, or I'll punch you in your self-righteous ovaries!"
...that WOULD be a sight to behold.
h2orowe
04-13-2006, 09:56 PM
That schtick belongs to Maddox, and the people he does it to don't even say anything first.
I got it from Anchorman, I don't care for Maddox, he's pretty not funny.
Hey, Maddox is wicked funny. :frypan:
IShootYou
04-13-2006, 10:09 PM
Hey, Maddox is wicked funny. :frypan:
http://forumspile.com/Thread-Offtopic-Jules.jpg
Please remember what I said about hijacking threads with this kind of crap. Keep it in Padded Walls.
Don't take Carrick along with you. As it is, he is going to need a lawyer. Seriously. You probably do as well just to keep these people off your backs.
Then you should consider filing a complaint with the university against the student, the professors and the campus police for harassment--against you.
ruaidhri
04-14-2006, 02:54 AM
Kass is absolutely correct.
Listen to her. Do what she says.
Jon885
04-14-2006, 03:07 AM
I'm really sorry to hear that and got frustrated reading your post. Especially the files on you. Be sure to mention to these people when you meet them that you were born in Ohio. No matter what you say to these people and how frustrated you get they still won't believe you but they can't take any legal action if you deny that your bf hit you. At least I don't think they can.
Anders
04-14-2006, 03:36 AM
That is one very interesting post. They may be trying to help, but the fact that you don't need their help is completely lost to them. Sexual Harrassment, date rape, violent relationships are unfortunatley something that is common in colleges. They want to be able to say hey! We won't stand for abuse! We're going to crucify someone whether they are guilty or not because we're tough! I really don't know what to recommend to you. Kass had a really good idea in filing charges against the other parties involved. You may not even have to go that far. Just mention to them that you consider their actions to be harrassment and if they continue, you will hire a lawyer and create a lot of trouble for them. If they don't back off, do it.
Komachi Angel
04-14-2006, 03:40 AM
If Carrick went with you, I can't help but imagine the backlash if he showed even the *slightest* amount of irritation towards anything in the proceedings. For that reason alone I wouldn't bring him, as tempting as it would be to do so. I doubt anything short of an angel would make them see otherwise, and even then it would be a long shot.
Alphonse v.2
04-14-2006, 04:06 AM
Please keep us updated, because this is very interesting. And try your best to get back at the student for causing you so much trouble. Good luck and best regards.
I'd be inclined to believe that taking Carrick with you would be a bad idea. The most likely conclusion they'd draw would be that he is with you to make sure that you toed the line with the "alibi" and you would be pressured to be seperated so that you could rehash your story without his influence.
Man, U of M is a hoot.
Orclover
04-14-2006, 05:14 AM
Ok heres what you do. First take Carrick with you when you talk to these bozos next time but make sure he keeps his eyes down and never says a word. At some point have him chirp up weakly about some bullshit this or that and then reach back and smack him on the back of the head as hard as you can, make sure he appologizes profusely and calls you mistress something or other and whimpers softly to himself. Then drop the bombshell.......
Tell the oversensitive freaks that you actually bruised yourself while beating your "boyfriend" Carrick for giving you lip. So while technically they were correct in him being the latent cause, your hoping that he has learned his lesson and wont need any more major "schooling". Then stand up and turn toward the exit and say to Carrick "is that fucking door gonna open itself meathead?"
They should quit pestering you after that. Couple friends of mine used to pull this kinda stunt in public on a regular basis for kicks back in college, people would just stop and stare.
jindojim
04-14-2006, 05:26 AM
I'd say your various campus organizations are just suffering from ennui. Apparently, they don't have anything better to do, other than sit around and try to seem as if their existence is warranted. Enter this minor incident, which involves a female who happens to also be a minority and an athlete as well and who is APPARENTLY abused by a white male athlete. Your incident began with your "concerned" friend, but as news travels, so do the number of people with reactions. Then the campus organizations see this as an opportunity to actually appear as if they serve a role, banging pots and pans to rally people into supporting their interests. Thus, what seemed like a minor accident has now exploded into a mushroom cloud of complications.
Fuckers. The Asians are just pretending to be angry while secretly using the opportunity to pad their resumes, the feminists are just being themselves, and everyone wants to appear "sensitive". It's out of your hands now, thanks to self-righteous attention seekers.
Get a lawyer asap and don't bring your boyfriend.
Complete bs. :(
Masa the Masta
04-14-2006, 06:58 AM
She's not dating him. :rofl:
One of the reasons I strongly recommend NOT taking Carrick with you is that in many states, they no longer require a voluntary complaining witness to file and prosecute "domestic" abuse cases. They can and often do file based on police reports and photos alone, regardless of whether or not the victim wants prosecution. I don't know if your state is one of these or not, but you should find out before this gets any further out of hand.
The policy is one born out of frustration and necessity, but it has its downsides as well. Your case would be a good example if charges are filed. One person misinterprets something and it snowballs out of hand. In the justice system, there are several layers that provide a backstop. The police, district attorney investigators and district attorneys will all look at the case before anything serious happens. If one of those doesn't stop the misunderstanding, there are always juries.
Unfortunately, your university staff and police have glossed over that pesky little thing called due process and are acting as though Carrick has been convicted already. He'd be extremely foolish to attend with you, even as good as both your intentions are. Any reaction he has and every word he says could come back to haunt him.
A complaint against the parties giving you grief might not even need to escalate to legal proceedings. Most universities have a grievance board of some sort if someone feels that the staff are behaving in an unprofessional and harassing manner. It might be enough to find out how to file complaints within that system. If not, as Anders said, often, just the threat of a lawsuit is enough to shut something like this down.
You should also demand that the "files" on you and the alleged abuse be destroyed. Some misandric woman's rampant misbehavior should not haunt your college career.
ruaidhri
04-14-2006, 12:59 PM
Once again Kass hits the nail on the head.
Good advice!
conners
04-14-2006, 01:05 PM
Thanks for all your feedback. I’ve talked to a lawyer and Women’s Studies Professor (odd thought, why are there no Men’s Studies Professors?) who both say that taking Carrick is not the way to go like everyone said. They suggest I want to appear as an independent woman in control, so I’ll go in with just a lawyer. The boys bought the cutest babydoll teeshirt last night that says “I See Dumb People”, I am wearing that to the meeting. They also bought Carrick a wife beater.
At the meeting I’m going to present all the photos my parent’s took of me playing sports, along with signed statements from my female friends and past / present / whatever sexual partners of Carrick that he is not abusive. From that point on we can give them the choice of dropping it and destroying the documents or being forced to hand them over to us when I file a request under the Freedom of Information Act. A lot of Asians on the campus and in the community would be pissed at those comments about how weak and willing we are to tolerate abuse for acceptance I’m sure and it is likely better for the Domestic Abuse people if those documents never see the light of day. It will be hard for me to keep my temper under control, I just keep seeing that one bitch’s fake little smile and I really want to wipe it off her face. Just unload a perfect check into her and while she is on the ground just go off on her.
My lawyer has already restraining orders filled out for both me and Carrick. If we file them these people will be forced stay two hundreds away from either of us and not seek contact with either of us. We talked to a judge whose son we used to coach and he is positive that he can have temporary orders served by 5 pm Friday if my meeting doesn’t go well. If that happens these people can no longer build a case against us (legally at least) so for it to advance it would have to become a police investigation and there really isn’t enough evidence for the police to be able to get a warrant or legally haul anyone in for questioning. In a few more days my bruise won’t even be visible! Unless I pick up another in practice.
My dad, mother and one of my brothers are driving up today (along with a lawyer) to speak with a few Regents and the Campus Cop’s Public Relations Department about the “harassment of their daughter and her friends by University staff.” Hopefully those people will bring pressure to bear on the Domestic Abuse people as well and get them to back off.
In the mean time I’ve drug Carrick out to every Asian hangout in town so they can all see they can’t pressure me off my friends with bullshit stories. We had a fun encounter were some male friends of the mouthy bitch confronted Carrick, who amazingly offered to buy them a chance to sit down, let him buy them a beer and talk it over instead of beginning the expected bar clearing brawl (getting soft in his old age?). Friends of mine and Carrick who were there came over to run the other kids off us and the entire conformation ended with the bouncers tossing the lot of us.
Carrick is uber-suspended from sports. The Domestic Abuse people called the Tram Captain (Mike) and told him it would look better if the team distanced itself from Carrick and suspended him from practice. Mike suggested it would look better if they had someone with the proper authority and legal documents tell him this. We’ve reached a compromise and cancelled all practices, then turned around and rented the ice under my name for the time slots that the club team is no longer using. So now we can skate as private citizens and the University can’t do shit. Once this thing is over we’ll vote to make those skates official practices and use the team account to pay people back for renting the ice. The guys at the ice rink are even nice enough to lock all the doors once we’re in so no one can get in and bug us about it. I’m make Carrick write a post about the fun he has been having with certain people and post it here.
PriestPei
That male version of the mouthy bitch goes the same school I do. And they wonder while half the Asian population when twinkie. Here is a hint people, it was to get the hell away from the others. I saw a protest once because the Yellow Power Ranger is Asian and the Black one is Black. What the hell is wrong with these people?
Solitudity
I might just take you up on that. In three weeks I’ll have my masters from here and won’t care about burning bridges with the powers that be. I can hardly wait.
h2orowe
She is more American than me. My parents were born and raised in Vietnam. Her great-great grandparents came here from China. So she is barely even Asian, aside from what she got out of a few of “How to Act Asians” books. It is trendy though amongst a lot of Asian-Americans to get back in touch with their ancestral roots.
Jimmyjindo
I’d argue that their guilty of being dumb fucks and attention whores, but I guess ennui would be a valid assumption as well.
Wiss
Well we might have angry feminists and Asians, but we still took your club team to town. (I kid because I love of course).
KKF
He can’t be my boyfriend since he isn’t Mormon. Moron maybe, Mormon no.
Praetorian
04-14-2006, 01:26 PM
(odd thought, why are there no Men’s Studies Professors?)
Because women are mysterious and worthy of being studied.
And it'd be great if you'd indeed let Carrick post his thoughts here. I don't want to sound mean or anything, but I'm kind of enjoying this. It's like a soap, except not lame.
Good luck. But in the end nothing bad will happen to both you and Carrick. The law is messed up, but it seriously can't be THAT messed up.
What a load of shit. :bang:
All the best, Connie.
gyoza
04-14-2006, 01:30 PM
"We're so sick of Asian women being abused and them being submissive, so let's take it out on an independent Asian women and the white guy who didn't abuse her!"
That's messed up. Good luck.
Jimmyjindo
I’d argue that their guilty of being dumb fucks and attention whores, but I guess ennui would be a valid assumption as well.
What they are are a prime example of all that is wrong with the most public face of feminism. I'll preface by saying that not even close to all or most feminists fit the following characterization, but the most vocal and public ones, like these professors, do. Maureen Dowd is another good example.
The public face of feminism has moved from fighting for equal rights to providing a platform for misandry. It is no longer about getting paid equal pay for equal work, but getting paid more for any work, regardless of its merits. It is less about bringing women up in a manner that makes them stronger and more about diminishing the role of men in society, portraying them as useless or expendable.
Maureen Dowd, in her book Are Men Necessary?: When Sexes Collide, compares men to ornamentation. I'm sorry, but isn't this the exact image about women that feminism is supposed to dispel? Women are not merely arm-jewelry, but people of substance. Men aren't arm-jewelry either.
Take a look at one of the more popular t-shirt/bumper sticker designs going for women:
Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.
The same company makes other designs:
Boys make good pets. Everyone should own one.
Boys are smelly.
The stupid factory, where boys are made.
Boys tell lies. Poke them in the eyes.
If the gender roles on those had been reversed, there'd be hell to pay. Big time. Trust me, there are just as many stupid, smelly, lying women as there are men.
One of the Barbies (my nickname for a group of ditzy women I work with) is entitlement on feet. She is an ultra-feminist and I'm amazed she found a man who would get her pregnant--twice. She doesn't like her new boss because, among other reasons, he's a man, he's younger than her, her friend didn't get the job and he's a man. She refers to him every day and in rather public settings as "boy boss."
Can you imagine what would happen if a man referred to a young, female middle manger as "girl boss?" Good God, the world would come to an end.
The Barbies routinely behave in a manner that would get any man fired. They pick up Coast Guard recruiting magazines and comment on the quality of the male recruits' butts. They lament that headquarters doesn't get "eye candy of that caliber." When they were called on it once (by me, and I even did it nicely), I was told that men had behaved this way for years and it was their turn now.
Their turn to do what? Behave like hateful, sexist jerks? That is no role to covet. The hypocrisy of it all is palpable.
The behavior of these women also plays right into exactly the perceptions they seek to change--that women are helpless, incompetent and weak. Yes, there are women who are. There are men who are as well. Yes, there are women who are afraid to leave abusive relationships. Recent crime statistics indicate that spousal abuse towards men is at its highest rate ever and increasing.
I have got to find the livejournal of a young female college student my guy found and showed me. It was full of vitriol and hate. It argued in ne paragraph that women were strong and didn't need men and in the next, that women were to weak to ever consensually have sex and that anytime a man initiated a sexual encoutner, regardless of whether the woman said yes, it was rape because women are ALWAYS to imtimidated to say no. So where did "Not tonight honey, I have a headache" come from then?
So they are strong and don't need men or they are weak and can't stand up to men. Which is it?
These professors are exactly this. Their idea of empowerment is to hold women up as weak, therefore they have to be made superior.
Alphonse v.2
04-14-2006, 05:33 PM
/salutes Kass
Solitudity
I might just take you up on that. In three weeks I’ll have my masters from here and won’t care about burning bridges with the powers that be. I can hardly wait.
Okay! :karate: Gonna go beat them up!
The_Penguin
04-14-2006, 07:16 PM
conners, this (http://web.mit.edu/rafal/www/German2/hefeweizen.jpg) is for you.
/btw
//wanna marry me?
///chicks with a spine are teh hawt
Livre
04-14-2006, 07:34 PM
Oh dear God. As someone put it earlier 'Let's go pick on a asian girl who clearly isn't getting abused, and a white guy who isn't an abuser'
-_- Why don't they do something useful, like actually help abused women?
Although I'm sure that girl was just trying to act in your best intrests, that was completely overblown!
And in regards to your post Kass, I wholeheartedly agree. I hate having to explain to guys that that isn't even feminism. Perpetuating stereotypes isn't going to change anything ><
Praetorian
04-14-2006, 07:37 PM
And in regards to your post Kass, I wholeheartedly agree. I hate having to explain to guys that that isn't even feminism. Perpetuating stereotypes isn't going to change anything ><
I prefer to call it feminazism.
The_Penguin
04-14-2006, 07:40 PM
-_- Why don't they do something useful, like actually help abused women?
The sad thing is, retards such as those that bothered conner and made complete morons of themselves and their cause, which will undoubtedly hurt others that are actually being abused.
The_Penguin
04-14-2006, 07:41 PM
I prefer to call it feminazism.
It's like Hitler, being wrapped in an impervious self-righteous robe and all.
Masa the Masta
04-14-2006, 07:45 PM
There's a word for men, misogyny. What's the word for women? Since it seems these Nazi-feminists fit the bill.
Praetorian
04-14-2006, 07:50 PM
There's a word for men, misogyny. What's the word for women? Since it seems these Nazi-feminists fit the bill.
Misandry.
Or fear of men, androphobia.
Livre
04-14-2006, 07:51 PM
There's a word for men, misogyny. What's the word for women? Since it seems these Nazi-feminists fit the bill.
I was trying to think of it when I was writing my previous post. Does a term actually exist for it?
Misandry. ;)
Androphobia isn't quite the same thing, but is equally unhealthy. It's fear, not hatred. Misandry would be the term for hating men like misogyny is hated of women.
Livre
04-14-2006, 07:52 PM
Misandry.
Or fear of men, androphobia.
Well, that answered my question!
And in regards to talking to them Conner, hold your head high and be strong. No matter how tempting it may be to swear at them again, it probably won't work in your favour.
Livre
04-14-2006, 07:54 PM
I find it ironic that when there are actual problems *cough* my old school *cough* nothing is actually done.
Praetorian
04-14-2006, 07:58 PM
Misandry. ;)
Androphobia isn't quite the same thing, but is equally unhealthy. It's fear, not hatred. Misandry would be the term for hating men like misogyny is hated of women.
Hence the reason I wrote "or fear of men" in front of it. ;) I know it's not synonymous with the word misandry, but it's still a handy word to teach.
As Yoda has taught us that "Fear leads to anger, and anger leads to hatred, and hatred leads to... feminazism" ;)
jindojim
04-15-2006, 06:22 AM
(snip)
Well, I'm not sure why you chose conner's response to my post to respond to, but I agree w/ you 100%. The problem with feminists is that they want to prove that females are superior than males, yet work off the assumption that females are weaker than males. If they would strive for a more egalitarian position with males, it would make more sense. Or even take pride in the "submissive" roles of women, since women have just an important function in managing the household as males do with working and earning money for the household. I think those arguments will lend more credibility to their position. But when they argue for dominance over men using such bullshit as "well, women are the goddesses of the earth and bring life to men", I give them the middle finger and close my ears.
General_Admission
04-15-2006, 11:03 AM
I don't understand what drives women to be femanazis. Were they abused/beaten/molested by their father when they were younger, or is it just a hobby because they have nothing else to do?
PopCulturePooka
04-15-2006, 11:14 AM
I don't understand what drives women to be femanazis. Were they abused/beaten/molested by their father when they were younger, or is it just a hobby because they have nothing else to do?
Some see the often times genuine and real inequalities levelled at women and then completely over react and act out in the worst possible way.
There are smart feminists and there are feminazis.
Praetorian
04-15-2006, 04:12 PM
Real feminists are great. Best call them equalists because the good ones fight for men's rights as much as for women's. Great bunch of people.
King Kong
04-15-2006, 04:23 PM
I don't understand what drives women to be femanazis. Were they abused/beaten/molested by their father when they were younger, or is it just a hobby because they have nothing else to do?
What sort of question was that?
Idiot.
Quite a valid question, actually. WTH drives women to be feminazis?
Praetorian
04-15-2006, 04:43 PM
Quite a valid question, actually. WTH drives women to be feminazis?
What drives men to be misogynists or chauvinists bastards?
Most likely long term effects on their upbringing. Could be anything from being a the son/daughter of a single father/mother saying the opposite sex is nothing but pure evil to having an alcoholic abusive mother/father, to repeatedly having been taking advantage of by people of a certain sex, to simply having a screw loose in your head.
What drives people to be xenophobic?
What drives people to hate a certain political view?
What drives people to hate hippies/jews/christians/muslims/etc?
Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not just targeting women. I just stuck with the current topic.
smokingmonkee
04-15-2006, 06:29 PM
What drives men to be misogynists or chauvinists bastards?
Most likely long term effects on their upbringing. Could be anything from being a the son/daughter of a single father/mother saying the opposite sex is nothing but pure evil to having an alcoholic abusive mother/father, to repeatedly having been taking advantage of by people of a certain sex, to simply having a screw loose in your head.
What drives people to be xenophobic?
What drives people to hate a certain political view?
What drives people to hate hippies/jews/christians/muslims/etc?
Because they're fucktards.
Praetorian
04-15-2006, 06:33 PM
Yes, but most of them honestly can't help it.
smokingmonkee
04-15-2006, 06:41 PM
It's true, I just can't stand stupidity and bigotry in all its forms.
Praetorian
04-15-2006, 06:44 PM
Then aren't you being bigoted towards bigoted people?
smokingmonkee
04-15-2006, 06:54 PM
I guess in a way it's true, but I'm not really here to argue semantics.
Roxie
04-15-2006, 06:57 PM
And in regards to your post Kass, I wholeheartedly agree. I hate having to explain to guys that that isn't even feminism. Perpetuating stereotypes isn't going to change anything ><
Thank you geezus! I'm sick of that crap too, but it prickles even more when I have to explain that to other women who buy into the stereotypes.
I can't say I'm exactly upset about what's happend to Conners. In fact, I think it's great! from the girl trying to help out someone whom she thought was in trouble to the counsulers. It shows the community takes it seriously and is active. That's amazing!
Except it should've stopped when the police where satisfied. The way it's going on is very out of hand and I'm sure one heck of a headache. I feel bad for your guy friend. Maybe you can get someone from the school paper and do some sort of interview where you explain the whole thing with a nice pr picture.
Morel
04-15-2006, 07:56 PM
Holy crapola.. Keep us updated please! :)
c-rex
04-15-2006, 08:26 PM
Well I heard all about how the meeting went down at the bar last night, but I’ll leave it to Connie since my head still hurts. Hurry up and work already water. Ugh.
For me it started with my roommate sticking his head in my room.
Roomie: “Dude the cops are here to see you, again.”
Me: “No they’re not, I’ve been a good little boy recently and April Fools was weeks ago.”
Roomie: “No, seriously they are here, look out your window you can see their cruiser.”
Me: “Shiiiiit”
The cops give me a riot act about not going near Connie, harassing her with emails and all that stuff. I just kind of nod and look like a nice little cowed civilian. Once they get done and leave I call Connie to see what the hell is up. I pretty much get the story she first posted.
Next thing is the team captain calls up. The first he says after I answer the phone is “Oh good, you didn’t beat up Connie.” He figures that if I did beat up Connie she would have at least broken my nose (one of her favorite tricks, she’s broken noses in 5 countries) and I wouldn’t be talking normally. The captain says they’re leaning on him to suspend me off the team and coaching staff. We figure I’ll skip the peewee practice while he and Connie explain that the entire thing is a load of horseshit to the parents. Technically the parents of the peewee team run it, but that is mostly in the sense of signing all the financial documents. Still some mom might flip if she saw me working with her kids before she heard the other side of the story.
I wander down to Palmer to play some rollerhockey. Palmer is visible for about six dorms. About half an hour after we start playing an entire group of Asians shows up to play on the tennis courts next to me. Tennis balls start accidentally flying off in my direction with amazing regularity. I amuse myself by flicking the balls into the four lane street on the other side of the fence. After practice some of the guys drop by to play hockey. Chul finally gets sick of tennis balls bouncing onto our court and rounds up about a dozen stray balls. He looks over at the two tennis players who’ve been ‘accidentally’ taking shots at us and yells “Hey you know Carrick isn’t stupid enough to give you guys more grievances, and I’m Korean so you can’t even play the race card on me.” He starts returning the balls by using slapshots to send them at the torso region of the players. He even managed to peg on in the ass as they were getting the hell out of there.
As I’m walking home I notice that I’ve picked up a tail of three Asian males, one of whom I’ll later discover is the boytoy of the girl that started it all. I toss my gear in my apartment and then head out, they still follow, staying about a hundred yards back, talking and looking innocent. It’s excellent weather for a nice jog so I take them on one. They manage to tail me for about mile and a half a mile before they give up. I made sure to take the route that takes you away from the bus stop, so it will be a nice long walk home for them.
The bar scene Connie mentioned was interesting. The same three guys show up, with buddies and ask Connie if I’m bothering her. She tells them their bothering her and goes off on a rant about how they’re assholes. The guys are trying to pick a fight with me and turn to me and ask me why I’d intimidate Connie into saying that. By this time a crowd has gathered, with people who I know (some former lab partners, friends off some of my other sports teams, etc) on one side and these guys and their buddies on the other. Connie gives up on the getting out past the other girl thing and settles for throwing an entire pitcher of Irish Red into the guy’s face. We’re all ejected from the bar.
Oddly they don’t give up at that point. Between the insults off Connie and the pitcher I’d think they would have given up championing her. Or maybe at this point they’re just trying to get us all in trouble. As they head to another bar they call the campus cops and tell them I’m making contact with Connie. They vector two cruisers of the cops in on us. The cops tell me I was told to stay away from Connie and need to leave now. Connie’s comeback was pretty good but almost got the lot of us arrested, “I thought you needed a basic understanding of the law and a functional IQ to be a cop. Oh wait, you’re the rent-a-cops that dropped out of police academy and aren’t even allowed to carry guns. Why don’t you all go something productive like go to the library and read a book on how restraining orders are only legal when a judge approves them?” Another girl in our group is smart enough to duck around the corner, find some real cops out patrolling the bar area and bring them back. The real city police back us up and tell the campus fuzz they need a court order or witnesses that saw the abuse to do anything to me.
From there I keep low profile for the rest of the week. I’m skating with the team and the parents have no issues with me coaching, so after a day I’m back on the coaching staff after a day. The guys on the team claim I put Connie up the entire thing so I’d have a legit excuse to skip practices
Friday after the meeting we’re clear and back to normal, aside from having pissed off some people on the cultural council. Somehow I’ll manage to cope I think.
I think the entire thing is rather amusing myself. I’ve been on the campus for three years now am used to these weird habits. Everyone wants something to protest to make them feel important and special. It was an amusing diversion and I’ll have the images of Chul making kids run in terror from his tennis ball wrath and that boyfriend covered in beer and his friends hit by the spray from it.
Praetorian
04-15-2006, 08:33 PM
Hahaha. C-Rex is Carrick.
Goddamn, I'm slow.
fizzgig
04-15-2006, 08:45 PM
good luck with that. I wonder if the "feminazi"s realize they're actually setting back women's rights with that kind of shit.
In regards to the topic- that got to be the stupidest shit I've heard in a long while. Racist assholes.
Wow. It's girls like that (the asian girl who lives in her own little trapped world that's oblivious to how annoying she is) that automatically trigger the ignore mechanism in me. Great story, though. It got me a little pissed reading about it.
smokingmonkee
04-15-2006, 09:29 PM
I've got to hand it to you for keeping your cool. I was getting frustrated just reading about how those assholes were treating you.
TommyA
04-15-2006, 10:17 PM
Tell the officials that the girl who told actually hit you with a puck and ratted on Carrick to cause trouble. Also mentioned she always talks overly sexual to you. That will put the shoe on the other foot.
On the reals though, this situation is a typical case of authorities being way too overprotective to make up for the times they don't do enough. Good luck with the situation, and I agree with what the person said above, let them see you play hockey, that will be the smoking gun they are looking for.
Crowley
04-15-2006, 11:05 PM
The guys on the team claim I put Connie up the entire thing so I’d have a legit excuse to skip practices
I have nothing productive to add other than a hahah :) at that :)
It is a legitimate question to ask why those women are the way they are. A lot of women who cross over into the realm of misandry like the most radical of feminists have had some sort of abusive or violent relationship with a man or men.
I do often wonder where the immense hatred or need to belittle men comes from in these women.
I can't say I'm exactly upset about what's happend to Conners. In fact, I think it's great! from the girl trying to help out someone whom she thought was in trouble to the counsulers. It shows the community takes it seriously and is active. That's amazing!
No, it was absolutely wrong of that girl to do anything like this. She should have asked Conners if she needed help before making wild accusations based on a snippet of conversation she was eavesdropping on. That girl's irresponsiblity could have landed C-Rex in jail or gotten him expelled from school, especially since the school took the stance that he was guilty before any investigation whatsoever.
People need to mind their own business more and others' less.
Roxie
04-16-2006, 12:15 AM
No, it was absolutely wrong of that girl to do anything like this. She should have asked Conners if she needed help before making wild accusations based on a snippet of conversation she was eavesdropping on. That girl's irresponsiblity could have landed C-Rex in jail or gotten him expelled from school, especially since the school took the stance that he was guilty before any investigation whatsoever.
People need to mind their own business more and others' less.
I understand your point, but I can't totally agree with it. I mean, I keep thinking, "what if it were such a situation?"
I'd prefer someone report what they feel is a dangerous situation. Having her friends lie however, is a horse of a different color. the way this has snowballed is completely unacceptable.
PopCulturePooka
04-16-2006, 12:25 AM
No, it was absolutely wrong of that girl to do anything like this. She should have asked Conners if she needed help before making wild accusations based on a snippet of conversation she was eavesdropping on. That girl's irresponsiblity could have landed C-Rex in jail or gotten him expelled from school, especially since the school took the stance that he was guilty before any investigation whatsoever.
People need to mind their own business more and others' less.
I can see Roxies POV somewhat.
The girl was in the right to an extent for reporting what she felt was an issue.
The schools reaction, their attitude towards Conner and Carrick and their racist antics is whats deeply in the wrong.
conners
04-16-2006, 12:37 AM
The ordeal is over, the morons have been convinced that I am not an abused women, even though I am regularly hit by defensemen. So the meeting went terrible but in the end they had to back down. The Domestic Abuse people showed up with some big thing on how Carrick clearly has anger and aggression issues since he plays hockey, fights in hockey, plays broomball, fights in broomball and so on and so forth. By that logic the entire NHL is a bunch of wife beaters. They didn’t like my point that given that he is a large guy that fights a lot if he actually hit me I’d have more than one small bruise to show for it (hell he dislocated my shoulder once, but they don’t need to know that). Logic called and it said you’re a bunch of fucking morons. I gave a speech about this is bullshit, it is a hockey injury, I have a load of friends that say I don’t get beaten and if you keep bugging us I’m going to sic my lawyer on you. I also presented signed documents as to the fact Carrick isn’t abusive and made some more comments about legal threats. The Domestic Abuse people had this little talk and finally said “well if the victim doesn’t wish to proceed there really isn’t anything more we can do at this time.”
The hell? They make it sound like Carrick is at home holding a gun to one of my family members or some shit telling me that if I don’t sing the party line he’ll pop them. They also refused to my demands that they apologize to Carrick for this since they were ‘just following procedure.’ They seem to confuse procedure and stupid a lot in that office.
Officially though all of this is closed. The campus police have been informed it is now a nonissue and we can all play hockey together. But I had to waste a beautiful Friday afternoon sitting their office explaining stuff to dumb people. I did get a free teeshirt out of the deal and my parents bought me dinner and a bunch of groceries while they were in town. Score.
Wow I was watching Spike as I type this and they had some dubbed Japanese show called “Most Extreme Elimination.” Which featured a surfboard of death and someone clog dancing (I think). I’m suddenly very glad the Viet Minh ran them out of country years ago.
As for the bitch that ran her mouth off, well the senior members of the team are going to give her a little send off once we have those nice pieces of paper from the school. Tonight we’re going out to have a victory party at the mouthy bitch’s hangout.
ThePengiun
Thanks for the drink, but I’m not the marrying type. Any time if you want to go down the bar though I’m game, especially during the Cup playoffs.
Roxie
If a friend spoke up for me it would be fine. But this is total bullshit, all my friends said this was a non-issue since day one. The girls running their mouth know me because they had a class with me and saw me a few Lunar Balls and other cultural events. I’d be willing to bet money they can’t even pronounce my name correctly since they’ll assume it is the Chinese variant. When it is them versus my story that twelve of my female friends backs it they should drop it and apologize, not keep the shit going.
As to the people in the IRC, I’m evil. Keep that in mind. I’m also bored which exponentially increases my level of evil. I still love you though!
Finally it is conners, not conner. Conner is a boy's name. Conners is my name!
Anders
04-16-2006, 02:28 AM
I apologize in advance for the long post, I don't typically like to write so much in one post.
Conners, C-Rex, I'm glad everything was somewhat straightened out. From what I read though, it would seem that you two aren't totally clear of the mess yet. I know you guys can certainly take care of yourselves, but I worry about the students who took it upon themselves to "protect" Conners. I wouldn't be surprised if they continue to harrass both of you until graduation. I really hope that the university sends word to the "involved" organizations telling them to back off, but somehow I doubt they did that. If anything happens- physical/verbal between you two and these "concerned students", go back to the abuse department and the university and tell them to basically fix it your way or you will take legal action against the university.
For those students whom you can't really avoid bumping into, I would thank for trying to look out for you. You have to figure they were told multiple versions of the same lie and don't really know what happened. I would try to explain to them that while their intentions were good, they ended up doing a lot more damage than good for you and your friend. They almost ruined the life of an innocent person. If they don't understand that, then to hell with them. They know what really happened.
The evil side of me seems to be taking over with this post! The actions of that abuse panel would really piss me off to no end. Here's what I would do about it. The comments/posts you two have made in the last couple days are really descriptive and organized. My advise would be to compile the stories of your experience into an editorial and publish it in the city and campus newspaper. In the article, you can make certain exchanges public.... The drawbacks I can see with that idea-
1. You wouldn't be making more friends, and
2. Your story could end up giving you 15 minutes of fame on CNN, basically ensuring that you will have to re-live the whole experience multiple times over a long period of time.
General_Admission
04-16-2006, 03:14 AM
Just something I've come across from my readings. I'm not making any generalizations about you, conners, and carrick; however, it is common sense that should help anyone avoid violence. It's a list of suggestions that, "will not make you immune to becoming a homicide victim, but will greatly reduce your risk of dying at the hand of someone you know."
Violence usually begins with invasion of someone's personal space, respect, or dignity. Everyone feels entitled to these things, whether or not everyone else agrees.
Despite the attention given to random violence, especially in our slums, in recent decades, most homicides are still committed by someone the victim knows. The larger story of any homicide or suicide seldom shows the finer side of humankind. Your lecturer is no expert on security or crime prevention, but he's had considerable reading and professional experience relating to homicides.
The following suggestions will not make you immune to becoming a homicide victim, but will greatly reduce your risk of dying at the hand of someone you know:
1. Don't bully anyone, physically or verbally.
2. Don't ridicule anyone. (This is a really important survival tip.)
3. Don't try to take another person's wife or girlfriend.
4. Don't crowd or speak rudely to a person who is obviously upset, even if he or she is threatening you or someone else.
5. When a relationship breaks up, be tactful and kind to the person to whom you were important.
6. Don't deal drugs.
7. Don't do sexual things for money or drugs.
8. Men: Don't carry a weapon. (This applies in the vast majority of circumstances. There are exceptions.)
9. Women: Don't be a sexual tease.
10. Gay men: Don't do sexual things with men you don't know well, or with jealous (i.e., nutty, insecure) men. Don't ask out men you don't know well. (Homicides: AJFMP 17: 350, 1997).
11. Children and teens: If the adults you must live with are abusive, pretend you love them anyway.
http://www.pathguy.com/lectures/env-23.htm
ninjabastard
04-16-2006, 06:31 AM
6. Don't deal drugs.
Yesterday, in my Foriegn policy and decision making class we were talking about how the average salary for a drug dealer was $ 3.25 an hour. This was proven because a king pin who was a buisness major gave all his records to the graduate student that was investigating drug dealing. I responded with a "why not work at wal mart at that price?" Thus we calculated how one would make such a decision.
Oh, and gaijin thread hijack.
MeneerDijk
04-16-2006, 08:27 AM
I'm really glad it's over for you guys, and i'm sorry it was a bit of an anti-climax. But i guess these people will never admit they were wrong. If they'd push you out of an airplane without a parachute they'll probably still say you will brake in mid air and touch the ground softly. And that's very scary since they basically have the power to ruin someones life with a penstroke.
General_Admission
04-16-2006, 11:12 AM
Yesterday, in my Foriegn policy and decision making class we were talking about how the average salary for a drug dealer was $ 3.25 an hour. This was proven because a king pin who was a buisness major gave all his records to the graduate student that was investigating drug dealing. I responded with a "why not work at wal mart at that price?" Thus we calculated how one would make such a decision.
Oh, and gaijin thread hijack.
yup, it was in Freakanomics. They do it b/c there is a 1 in a billion chance that they will make it big. XD
I understand your point, but I can't totally agree with it. I mean, I keep thinking, "what if it were such a situation?"
I'd prefer someone report what they feel is a dangerous situation. Having her friends lie however, is a horse of a different color. the way this has snowballed is completely unacceptable.
This is someone who didn't know either Conners or C-Rex and had no freaking clue about the context of the conversation, obvioulsy since it was a description of a hockey play and all she understood was "he hit me." You'd think that given that Conners is a hockey player, this girl would have at least thought twice about the sentence because there are now an infinite number of ways she could have been legally hit.
With exceptions for witnessing actual crimes, you should not report overheard sentences as a crime. If you hear a whole conversation about someone mugging a kid on the street, that's different. This girl heard ONE sentence. Think of how many people would be jailed for the far too common phrase "If he does x, I will kill him." That technically is a crime.
If she was so freaking worried about this, she should have asked one simple question and made sure what she heard was what she thought it was. If she was, she should have first made and effort to get the real victim to call the police on their own. As long as a real abuse victim is in denial or the phase where they feel they deserve it, they'll never press charges anyway. They need friends who convince them otherwise.
The girl was totally irresponsible in her actions. She had no clue what she was talking about and since it sounds like the university did not hand over all the documents and destroy the case files, this will follow C-Rex forever or until he gets a lawyer to file suit to have them destroyed. If he ever gets into an incident, self-defense or not, these records will come up as him having a history of violence.
You have to be careful dealing with real abuse victims. They are fragile and dependent. Conners is anything but. She doesn't fit any profile of an abuse victim and the Domestic Abuse Council should have recognized that.
c-rex
04-16-2006, 02:08 PM
She had no clue what she was talking about and since it sounds like the university did not hand over all the documents and destroy the case files, this will follow C-Rex forever or until he gets a lawyer to file suit to have them destroyed. If he ever gets into an incident, self-defense or not, these records will come up as him having a history of violence.
Actually they've agreed to list the case as a moot point and shred the files in exchange for Connie's parents not using FOIA to get them and then publishing them as proof of racial biase, harrasement, etc. We considered taking them to the press, but prefer the issue dead and out of our lives.
The_Penguin
04-17-2006, 03:31 AM
The ordeal is over, the morons have been convinced that I am not an abused women, even though I am regularly hit by defensemen. So the meeting went terrible but in the end they had to back down. The Domestic Abuse people showed up with some big thing on how Carrick clearly has anger and aggression issues since he plays hockey, fights in hockey, plays broomball, fights in broomball and so on and so forth. By that logic the entire NHL is a bunch of wife beaters. They didn’t like my point that given that he is a large guy that fights a lot if he actually hit me I’d have more than one small bruise to show for it (hell he dislocated my shoulder once, but they don’t need to know that). Logic called and it said you’re a bunch of fucking morons. I gave a speech about this is bullshit, it is a hockey injury, I have a load of friends that say I don’t get beaten and if you keep bugging us I’m going to sic my lawyer on you. I also presented signed documents as to the fact Carrick isn’t abusive and made some more comments about legal threats. The Domestic Abuse people had this little talk and finally said “well if the victim doesn’t wish to proceed there really isn’t anything more we can do at this time.”
The hell? They make it sound like Carrick is at home holding a gun to one of my family members or some shit telling me that if I don’t sing the party line he’ll pop them. They also refused to my demands that they apologize to Carrick for this since they were ‘just following procedure.’ They seem to confuse procedure and stupid a lot in that office.
Officially though all of this is closed. The campus police have been informed it is now a nonissue and we can all play hockey together. But I had to waste a beautiful Friday afternoon sitting their office explaining stuff to dumb people. I did get a free teeshirt out of the deal and my parents bought me dinner and a bunch of groceries while they were in town. Score.
Wow I was watching Spike as I type this and they had some dubbed Japanese show called “Most Extreme Elimination.” Which featured a surfboard of death and someone clog dancing (I think). I’m suddenly very glad the Viet Minh ran them out of country years ago.
As for the bitch that ran her mouth off, well the senior members of the team are going to give her a little send off once we have those nice pieces of paper from the school. Tonight we’re going out to have a victory party at the mouthy bitch’s hangout.
ThePengiun
Thanks for the drink, but I’m not the marrying type. Any time if you want to go down the bar though I’m game, especially during the Cup playoffs.
Roxie
If a friend spoke up for me it would be fine. But this is total bullshit, all my friends said this was a non-issue since day one. The girls running their mouth know me because they had a class with me and saw me a few Lunar Balls and other cultural events. I’d be willing to bet money they can’t even pronounce my name correctly since they’ll assume it is the Chinese variant. When it is them versus my story that twelve of my female friends backs it they should drop it and apologize, not keep the shit going.
As to the people in the IRC, I’m evil. Keep that in mind. I’m also bored which exponentially increases my level of evil. I still love you though!
Finally it is conners, not conner. Conner is a boy's name. Conners is my name!
What's a Lunar Ball?
Renter
04-17-2006, 08:28 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
There are times I bless the fact that I'm not American. This is definitely one of them. Good luck, little abused asian girl ;)
Actually they've agreed to list the case as a moot point and shred the files in exchange for Connie's parents not using FOIA to get them and then publishing them as proof of racial biase, harrasement, etc. We considered taking them to the press, but prefer the issue dead and out of our lives.
She's nicer than I would have been. I'd have taken them anyway and gone to the press anyway. It's hard enough getting genuinely battered women the assistance and support they need without bimbos like these gals running around abusing the issue.
conners
04-17-2006, 12:31 PM
What's a Lunar Ball?
You go to the moon, dance, get drunk, snap a heel because of the low gravity and puke in the Moon Lander.
It's the local Asian ball to celebrate Chinese New Years.
Kass
Like Carrick said I'm out of there in two weeks. I'd rather spend those last two weeks with my friends enjoying myself than starting a media circus or legal action with the school. As long as the documents can't come back to haunt anybody I'm happy.
MNJetter
04-17-2006, 12:36 PM
[short hijack]
What ever happened to those legal rules on heresy?
:rofl: of the day award.
I think you mean hearsay. Heresy is another matter entirely, best left up to the church to moan impotantly about than to make legal rules about. :D
[/hijack]
conners
04-17-2006, 12:39 PM
[short hijack]
:rofl: of the day award.
I think you mean hearsay. Heresy is another matter entirely, best left up to the church to moan impotantly about than to make legal rules about. :D
[/hijack]
Oops. That is why I'm not a lawyer.
MNJetter
04-17-2006, 12:50 PM
Meh. It made my evening brighter with the :rofl: I got.
On a non-hijack matter, I second the feelings of...well, everyone who has posted so far, unless it's been off-topic.
You and C-rex aren't dating, right? I mean, the first post sounded like you weren't, but you don't mention denying it to the authorities when you gave evidence for lack of domestic abuse. If you guys aren't an item in the first place, it ceases to be domestic abuse and they have to move on to a plain old assault charge, which less people would have been likely to want to pursue. It's no fun for feminists if the charge isn't directly evil man--> innocent woman related.
If you did tell them....well, I repeat my sentiment in agreeing with everybody's posts.
conners
04-17-2006, 12:57 PM
You and C-rex aren't dating, right?
Nope. I've slept with him before, but there isn't a relationship beyond good friends and teammates that play hockey at strange hours and drink together.
Nope. I've slept with him before, but there isn't a relationship beyond good friends and teammates that play hockey at strange hours and drink together.
*snicker* And people think I don't self-censor! I love it.
I'm glad it all worked out the way you wanted and you are a less vindictive person than I.
Lisa M
04-17-2006, 10:47 PM
This happened to one of my female wrestling friends.
... during wrestling season.
... five times during her high school career.
Teacher sees bruises, reports it to the guidance office, guidance office sets up a meeting "Just to see if you had anything you thought we should know."
Never got as crazy as yours, though. Thank goodness they backed off.
Crowley
04-18-2006, 09:05 AM
Other side of the coin, thinking about it. I had a friend at school, she was seriously abused by her father. He wrote things like "slut", and "bitch" on her back. With a razor blade.
Her friends got counsellors, and school involved - she constantly denied help, downplayed, got angry, told everyone to leave her alone - very strong-minded girl. So you can see it from the counsellor's side too.
MNJetter
04-18-2006, 09:12 AM
Other side of the coin, thinking about it. I had a friend at school, she was seriously abused by her father. He wrote things like "slut", and "bitch" on her back. With a razor blade.
And if Conners's bruise somehow spelled out either of those words, I would suspect something despite her best protests. ;)
Klilynkun
04-18-2006, 09:24 AM
This reminds me of an episode of king of the hill when Bobby got hit in the face with a baseball. Afterwards they went to the supermarket and people thought that hank was abusing him so they called the child welfare.
Other side of the coin, thinking about it. I had a friend at school, she was seriously abused by her father. He wrote things like "slut", and "bitch" on her back. With a razor blade.
Her friends got counsellors, and school involved - she constantly denied help, downplayed, got angry, told everyone to leave her alone - very strong-minded girl. So you can see it from the counsellor's side too.
Which goes back to exactly what I said earlier--as long as someone in an abusive relationship refuses to seek help on their own, there's nothing you can do other than try to convince them to seek help. They will deny the abuse, claim it isn't what it seems and defend the abuser with irrational defenses. (Conners' defense was anything but irrational.)
When there is a rational, substantiated reason with witnesses, no I don't see the counselor's point of view. She's wasting time and resources on a non-issue base primarily on race and behaving in a vindictive manner, especially when authorities were satisfied with the explanation.
Crowley
04-18-2006, 10:52 AM
Agreed
10char
conners
04-18-2006, 12:23 PM
And if Conners's bruise somehow spelled out either of those words, I would suspect something despite her best protests. ;)
I was tempted to make him take the fall for bleaching my hair (since he was in on it). But it was payback for something I did so it didn't really seem polite.
Once again thanks for everyone's thoughts, the advice not to drag Carrick along was correct for sure. Although having Carrick show up in a wife beater just to see the look on their face would have been priceless, but in the end led to more trouble I guess.
PopCulturePooka
04-18-2006, 01:59 PM
Which goes back to exactly what I said earlier--as long as someone in an abusive relationship refuses to seek help on their own, there's nothing you can do other than try to convince them to seek help. They will deny the abuse, claim it isn't what it seems and defend the abuser with irrational defenses. (Conners' defense was anything but irrational.)
Which is one thing that makes my future career (high school teacher) so challenging. By regulation I am required to report suspected abuse in my state.
Reporting suspected abuse and not being reasonably informed about the situation and not listening to reason are two different things and when children are involved, the circumstances change somewhat.
PopCulturePooka
04-18-2006, 03:37 PM
Reporting suspected abuse and not being reasonably informed about the situation and not listening to reason are two different things and when children are involved, the circumstances change somewhat.
It's still not something I'm comfortable with doing, as it can be invasive and poorly handled.
As a pre-service teacher I'm just not feeling this whole 'more than an educator' thing, and reporting suspected abuse seems part of that.
I remember teachers asking me about my home life cause my brother 'had a lot of accidents' and my response was apparantly enough to get social services at our door.
The_Penguin
04-18-2006, 06:15 PM
Nope. I've slept with him before, but there isn't a relationship beyond good friends and teammates that play hockey at strange hours and drink together.
Oh god, I absolutely love it how you're so non-chalant about that... girls who are as laid back as you are so fucking hard to find.
Masa the Masta
04-18-2006, 09:48 PM
Nope. I've slept with him before, but there isn't a relationship beyond good friends and teammates that play hockey at strange hours and drink together.
Is he any good? :bang:
Damnit! I had to ask!
Now I gotta ask the same question to him too.. :frypan:
He's either good or he's got a pretty sweet game, one or the other...
conners
04-19-2006, 12:26 PM
Is he any good?
Damnit! I had to ask!
Now I gotta ask the same question to him too..
No, I just make a habit of sleeping with guys that suck in the sack.
He was the first guy to figure out where my g-spot was, so I guess he should get some kind of an award or something. Now than we should behave since this is General Discussion, not the Sex Thread over in Padded Walls.
I'm sure he'll say I suck, but that is a good thing in a girl right?
I vote we give c-rex Sex King Of Some University Or Other.
I've always wondered how people who sleep together can maintain their relationship as simple friends o_~
gyoza
04-19-2006, 02:43 PM
I personally can't, but I know how people who do it can. It all depends on your viewpoint of sex. If you see it as a recreational activity and can divorce it from all emotional implications then it's simple.
I've always wondered how people who sleep together can maintain their relationship as simple friends o_~
Well, why not? It's only sex. And please don't ANYONE bring out that "only sex until you find someone you love" trollop. I'm sure it is to you, but to a lot of people it's simply a recreational activity.
DesertLily
04-19-2006, 08:08 PM
Hahaha...funny how it all works out. Conners is getting all these people worked up over abuse that never happened, while when I happened to say something about being sexually abused one time at school, I had to have a meeting with some of the school people who said I should only talk about that in certain places.
Funny, because just the day before I admitted that I had been molested, they had this HUGE rape presentation about how you shouldn't be afraid to tell people if you've been harassed or abused or raped.
Point is, people are fucktards no matter what, trying to protect whatever precious image they want to protect. I hope you nail them in the ass like they deserve.
smokingmonkee
04-19-2006, 10:54 PM
Well, why not? It's only sex. And please don't ANYONE bring out that "only sex until you find someone you love" trollop. I'm sure it is to you, but to a lot of people it's simply a recreational activity.
But it is Jay, up until that point its Fucking!!! :D
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