View Full Version : Is my father obtuse or just pretending to be?
I'll let you decide.
He comes home today and says that if there's still no rrom on the computer he's going to start removing stuff of mine. At that point I jump in and say I formatted it and still he continues with his little speech. It made me think he came home with a plan to say *this* and he's going to plow on and finish it no matter what.
And all this time I'm saying "yes, I've formatted it, there's PLENTY of room now", and still he's talking about "if there's no space".
PopCulturePooka
08-27-2005, 09:40 AM
Hmm sounds like someone has an Alpha Male issue he needs to deal with.
I noticed that my father started getting strange with things like that once I hit your age.
Benaire
08-27-2005, 09:41 AM
ride the wave.
Praetorian
08-27-2005, 09:52 AM
Yep. Both my parents are like that. But especially my father.
Yep. Both my parents are like that. But especially my father.
While I'm hardly bragging about how smart I may or may not be, isn't it beautiful to be more intelligent than both your parents? :D
Expert Insomniac
08-27-2005, 10:24 AM
But Jay... what if there's no space?
Though if you think that's bad, I recently did a bit of pick up work by filling in as a secretary. On my first day there, my boss proceeded to give me absolutely no information as to what I should do... except for when he decided to spend twenty minutes showing me how to copy/paste. The entire time, I kept trying to tell him it's faster if you just left click, or use keyboard commands... but no.
Did you know if you copy some text, then paste it, you can work on it without the original text being changed? Wow!
But Jay... what if there's no space?
Don't be a smartarse. :(
Though if you think that's bad, I recently did a bit of pick up work by filling in as a secretary. On my first day there, my boss proceeded to give me absolutely no information as to what I should do... except for when he decided to spend twenty minutes showing me how to copy/paste. The entire time, I kept trying to tell him it's faster if you just left click, or use keyboard commands... but no.
Did you know if you copy some text, then paste it, you can work on it without the original text being changed? Wow!
Been there done that. In different situations though. It's like pulling teeth to get them to understand. I've yelled at people because of that before; they're like "do it like *THIS*" twelve times over, and then I look at them and say I FUCKING KNOW! Then they always end up saying it once and really meekly, which is worse. :(
Expert Insomniac
08-27-2005, 10:31 AM
Don't be a smartarse. :(
Awww... but that's one of the few parts of my body that can still claim intelligence...
My father IS fucking stupid.
We were just eating dinner and I was playing with the soy sauce bottle, and he grabs it and says, in an oddly authoritative tone of voice, "don't do that, the lid might come off!"
.............
..................
..............
.............
THE FUCKING LID IS SCREWED ON! It's a fucking screw lid. I screwed that bastard on there myself, that thing's fucking on for KEEPS.
/rant
Praetorian
08-27-2005, 10:45 AM
Hahahaha. Yes, I recognise that.
Awww... but that's one of the few parts of my body that can still claim intelligence...
Really? A smart arse? This I have to see. :D
Snake eyeS
08-27-2005, 10:53 AM
Sounds to me your father doesnt trust you that much, hes not stupid.. hes just not to sure about what your telling is correct.
lol 7 out of 8 people think your father is nuts.
Marblehead
08-27-2005, 03:12 PM
Be a smart-ass by buying yourself an external.
Bobbybirdtree
08-27-2005, 04:10 PM
Punch him in the face.
Punch him in the face.
Wanted to. Trust me.
i think he just wants your respect Jay. So mabye, for his sake you should just peep it once and not question him. I'm pretty sure it's really not about the soy sauce, or the computer running out of room. He just wants you to view him differently. Look up to him, or mabye he just has pride issues.
Either way, it's not about the damn soy sauce, PUT IT DOWN AND ASK! or key in and listen.
oh, and now 11 out of 13 people think your father is nuts. :P
i think he just wants your respect Jay. So mabye, for his sake you should just peep it once and not question him. I'm pretty sure it's really not about the soy sauce, or the computer running out of room. He just wants you to view him differently. Look up to him, or mabye he just has pride issues.
Either way, it's not about the damn soy sauce, PUT IT DOWN AND ASK! or key in and listen.
oh, and now 11 out of 13 people think your father is nuts. :P
Yes, I've thought about this.
When I get his respect he'll get mine. :)
kshgosu
08-27-2005, 04:36 PM
He isn't stupid or insane, he has an authority complex. My father is the same, he'll try to correct me on the most trivial matters seemingly unaware that I'm doing nothing wrong. I'll be on my computer, it has a wallpaper, he says remove it, it is taking too much space. I point out that space is not an issue, it isn't his computer thus not his concern and he'll transit to a completely illogical, baseless argument. Now that he sees I'm getting independent from him (work, own transport, hobbies) he sees this as some type of rebelliousness. I guess he feels inadequate as he doesn't have much else to teach me/he doesn't have any influence in my life. So I'd say spend some more time with him and see if these things blow over.
Praetorian
08-27-2005, 04:45 PM
My father tried to convince me, and he himself was fully convinced, that 512kb/s is more than 3.2mb/s.
Idiot.
He isn't stupid or insane, he has an authority complex. My father is the same, he'll try to correct me on the most trivial matters seemingly unaware that I'm doing nothing wrong. I'll be on my computer, it has a wallpaper, he says remove it, it is taking too much space. I point out that space is not an issue, it isn't his computer thus not his concern and he'll transit to a completely illogical, baseless argument. Now that he sees I'm getting independent from him (work, own transport, hobbies) he sees this as some type of rebelliousness. I guess he feels inadequate as he doesn't have much else to teach me/he doesn't have any influence in my life. So I'd say spend some more time with him and see if these things blow over.
Amen.
Seriously, I don't think he's stupid, like you said he has an authority complex. He's always bitching about my music taking up so much space on the computer for example, and this is a 40GB hard drive, and I don't even have 20GB worth.
He argues the mootest points and fucking kills them. It's weird.
Praetorian
08-27-2005, 04:51 PM
Mine is both an idiot and has an authority complex. The horror.
I like your family, dude. They sound so easy to get the better of, and I love getting the better of people.
whispering
08-27-2005, 04:54 PM
Either way, it's not about the damn soy sauce, PUT IT DOWN AND ASK! or key in and listen.
kokujin once again can see beyond the situation. Your being an asshole Jay, from your fathers point of view. You should figure out why he thinks that way, rather then arguing about stupid things.
kokujin once again can see beyond the situation. Your being an asshole Jay, from your fathers point of view. You should figure out why he thinks that way, rather then arguing about stupid things.
yoay your avatar :P.
as for Jay's situation...it can get rather annoying to be in his shoes. I don't blame him too much. If it consantly bothers you though to make a thread about it, perhaps you should find out the roots of the problem :P.
hello whispering.
EDIT: oh, only 13 out of 17 now think your father is a cook. :( we're heading back towards sanity now.
kokujin once again can see beyond the situation. Your being an asshole Jay, from your fathers point of view. You should figure out why he thinks that way, rather then arguing about stupid things.
...I'm being an asshole?
I'll pull a comment from MSN.
"Mine [parents] yell at me because I won't be quiet. What's ironic is, I said an innocuous comment, then someone turned it into an IRL flame so I told them wehre to get off. I never start shit but I never get to defend myself either."
And that's the truth. You don't know me or my parents, please refrain from calling ME an asshole before you get the facts. :)
whispering
08-27-2005, 05:34 PM
...I'm being an asshole?
I'll pull a comment from MSN.
"Mine [parents] yell at me because I won't be quiet. What's ironic is, I said an innocuous comment, then someone turned it into an IRL flame so I told them wehre to get off. I never start shit but I never get to defend myself either."
And that's the truth. You don't know me or my parents, please refrain from calling ME an asshole before you get the facts. :)
...yes, from your fathers point of view. As i said. What i ment is, like kokujin said, dont argue about stupid things, it will get you nowhere. Get to the root of the problem.
your avatar :P.
Miina is the cuteness :p
Praetorian
08-27-2005, 05:34 PM
I side with Jay. You folks don't know what it's like. I love my parents, it's just that when you're smarter than your parents but still living in their house things may get tricky sometimes.
I side with Jay. You folks don't know what it's like. I love my parents, it's just that when you're smarter than your parents but still living in their house things may get tricky sometimes.
Yeah. Because it's their house and you have to follow their rules. And I don't agree with their rules. That's not saying I'll do what I want when I want, but some of their rules are totally fucked up.
Such as "keep your opinion to yourself".
I fucking shit you not.
My parents argue the MOOTEST fucking points; it gets to the point where I wonder WTH it is I'm actually defending.
setrict
08-27-2005, 06:02 PM
I side with Jay. You folks don't know what it's like. I love my parents, it's just that when you're smarter than your parents but still living in their house things may get tricky sometimes
True. For arguments sake lets assume you really are smarter than your parents - or atleast more informed about matters in which you interract with each other on. Your parents are trying to adjust to a new role, from their former role of mentor and educator to something else. It's a tough transition for everyone involved.
Even if your father is wrong, and you are right Kokujin's advice is good. Issues about hard drive space, and a soy sauce lid are complaints of the moment. The changing relationship between you and your parents is the only thing that will make any difference to either of you in the long run. Is being 'right' important enough to risk damaging it?
Cut em some slack while they adjust, even if you have to swallow your pride a bit to do it sometimes. I'm sure it will be annoying as hell but think of it as an investment in the future, I'm sure he has invested heavily in yours.
Setrict - Don't tell me it's a fucking adjustment period, it's all I've ever known.
I'm totally pulling a MRirian here and asking where you guys get off preaching about my family when you don't know them. I made a half-joking thread because I was pissed off at the time; I don't REALLY think my father's obtuse.
Praetorian
08-27-2005, 06:12 PM
I have to admit, that was a cunning reply of MRirian there.
What exactly does "Pulling an MRirian" entail?
I would have thought "Being incredibly cute and cool," but that doesn't really fit with the context, and is kind of beyond your abilities anyhow...
Remember when you asked me wehre I get off talking about D_pad's mum?
Well I'm doing the same now, thus "pulling a you".
I made a semi-joking thread about my dad saying some stupid things and having dumb ideas and just being plain wrong and people tell ME to stop being an asshole and see it from my parents' side. :rolleyes:
JudoPorkChop
08-27-2005, 06:16 PM
I think it was just a ploy for your attention.
I think it was just a ploy for your attention.
I don't give a shit about attention. The people who matter to me are on one form of IRC or another, so I don't need to attentionwhore for it.
Look, at the time I was pissed off because my father wouldn't stop rambling on even thought I'd answered his question twelve minutes ago. And I could go on forever about my parents if I got started.
For example, he said something to me this eveng that I disagreed with, and when I told him I disagreed with it, he totally squashed my opinion, spoke over me, said that my view is wrong and that his is right no matter what happens in the world, and wouldn't even let me have an opinion.
...IT'S MY FUCKING VIEW! It's not even a fact! It's just an opinion that I've formed and believe to be right! If I want to have a fucking opinion I will!
Goddamn.
That was certainly NOT an MRirian.
No. But the bit where I asked where people get off judging my family that was certainly WAS. :D
"Where do you get off talking about D_pad's mother like you know anything?"
Or something similar anyway.
Myrsilus
08-27-2005, 06:43 PM
No. But the bit where I asked where people get off judging me and my family that was certainly WAS. :D
"Where do you get off talking about D_pad's mother like you know anything?"
Or something similar anyway.
Sounded like a compliment... eh whatever. Not why I came to this thread, my man.
I personally feel your father is just a bit too overbearing. My father certaintly got more... aggressive with me as I started growing up. I was able to handle him though because I can have a sharp tongue when I need to. Your father sounds like he'd blow up if you tried this, so...
I'd say just blow it off. You know you're right, and that's good enough. I think you know when he's going too far and when he's just being a father. So leave it be is what I say. Unless you want to sit down and have a civil discussion with him concerning the matter of his attitude. Easier said than done, I suppose.
setrict
08-27-2005, 06:47 PM
Setrict - Don't tell me it's a fucking adjustment period, it's all I've ever known.
WTF did you expect from posting on a public forum anyway? You ask a question like "is my father obtuse...", provide limited examples, and complain when people "get off preaching about my family when you don't know them"
Sorry for trying to help, and I apologize for actually giving a shit. shutting up now.
I personally feel your father is just a bit too overbearing. My father certaintly got more... aggressive with me as I started growing up. I was able to handle him though because I can have a sharp tongue when I need to. Your father sounds like he'd blow up if you tried this, so...
My father tried to pin me down on the bed and punch me when I disagreed with his opinion (read: his fucking OPINION). I'm certainly not trying to claim the worst father evfer but that's violent enough for me.
Besides, I have the sharpest tongue in the whole family. :)
I'd say just blow it off. You know you're right, and that's good enough. I think you know when he's going too far and when he's just being a father. So leave it be is what I say. Unless you want to sit down and have a civil discussion with him concerning the matter of his attitude. Easier said than done, I suppose.
First point in that paragraph: It's not good enough me knowing I'm right. How will I earn respect if I know I'm right but everyone else thinks I'm wrong?
Second point: He'd never go for it. "No, it's not me who needs to change your attitude, it's you" and that's the end of the story as far as he's concerned; it's like talking to a brick wall from there on out.
Myrsilus
08-27-2005, 06:56 PM
... if he's pinning you down to punch you, that's abuse. That's a whole different story altogether. From what you are saying, trying to reason with him seems to be a very impossible solution. This is really a matter of safety and not pride man. People like this... you have to fight to earn their respect. At least from my experiences.
Hasn't there ever been any police intervention or something of that nature?
... if he's pinning you down to punch you, that's abuse. That's a whole different story altogether. From what you are saying, trying to reason with him seems to be a very impossible solution. This is really a matter of safety and not pride man. People like this... you have to fight to earn their respect. At least from my experiences.
Hasn't there ever been any police intervention or something of that nature?
Meh. This was ages ago when he was still bigger than me. =)
And I used to get smacked fair around the room, admittedly because I was a right little shit. But even when I was young I didn't agree with my parents' way of parenting, and many times I've said "what, you can't control me so you need to use your hands and make me cry?"
I admit to provocation but not to the point of being bundled up in a fucking corner, stood over and beaten 10 or 12 times.
akitaka
08-27-2005, 07:09 PM
Negative reinforcement is the easy way to discipline a kid, and your dad was moreover raised in the same manner. "Right little shits" grow up to be the same way, even as adults, unless they learn from their parent's mistakes in that the alpha-male complex made you feel worse than learned.
You seemed to have learned quite a bit, though, and are willing to pass his offense with reason, and not conflict. Fujin is very much correct; it's abuse, but even if it was in the past. Parenting /= physical dominance.
So. How are things going, now?
So. How are things going, now?
Still a lot of yelling. :/
They just can't seem to get it into their heads that when I take issue with something IT IS NOT AN ARGUMENT.
For example. I saw something on TV that everyone was raging about and I didn't agree with it, so I made a big show out of disagreeing with it, hoping that we could have a discussion about it*, because I love mental stimulation.
*there I go again, showing faith in anyone besides myself. Why oh why do I do that? I always get let down hard.
So anyway, I'm blowing steam at the narrow mindedness of people having to poke their nose into other people's business, and I'm being quite vocal which is my wont, and mum looks at me and says "I don't know why you're arguing with ME about it?!?!!11!wtf!".
My jaw dropped open. Seriously, you fit a watermelon in it.
I just gave her a contemptuous wave, snorted, and walked off.
So now it's gone from physical domination if I act up to "what I say is right and you will not argue".
Work that one out.
lol pulling a MRian, and then she posts even though she hasn't posted for god knows how long. lol hahaha priceless.
I'm not taking sides. I need to catch up on this thread though.
IRT Jay:
yeah it's annoying, there house there rules. Live with it, getting mad over it, or making personal will only drag you down worse. ONLY drag you down worse. You've been trying the same thing for years and it hasn't worked; it won't work now.
Either
A) get to the root of the problem and tell them POLITELY and AT THEIR PACE how you feel about it.
B) just don't get involved, be with your friends and just tell yourself you'll never do that to other people.
That's what I would do atleast. I would probably do A, being bitter kind of sucks.
akitaka
08-27-2005, 07:34 PM
so I made a big show out of disagreeing with it, hoping that we could have a discussion about it*, because I love mental stimulation.
*there I go again, showing faith in anyone besides myself. Why oh why do I do that? I always get let down hard.
Well, a lot of my friends argued with their parents with blatant yelling that never went anywhere. Maybe it's just me being withdrawn (at least in early HS), but I never talked back like that. In fact, often it would be me saying nothing while my mother blew her steam; eventually she'd run out, and I'd be on my way. Any conflict and I'd be adding coal to it (at least from my experience).
With this said, making any show only makes others angrier than they already are.
It's kind of like dealing with a sick person, who doesn't acknowledge his/her sickness; when you make a big deal out of it and say, "You're going to a hospital because if you won't, you will die", the sick person feels a lot more apprehensive on the mark that he/she isn't the one making the right choices, and that you're being pushy.
Instead, it's better off telling the person what's up in a level-headed manner; "your showing signs of soandso, and it's up to you to make soandso choice, if you want to get better". Later, you let them do as they please, as long as they aren't interrupting you.
If they are, tell them what they are doing, again, having them reason with it themselves; if they don't concede, THEN force or outside influence will have to be used. No use being walked on, right?
I don't know why you're arguing with ME about it?!?!!11!wtf!".
That, right there, is just being evasive. It shows that you probably got your point across, and that she understood it, but could not make any formal rebuttal against it. Note I used "against". Dominance, dominance, dominance; it's just a shadow form of fear. In such cases you have to level with her; give her some room to make a constructive arguement. If she can't make something, or she gets steamy, exit gracefully. If she chases you, that's abuse right there.
Note I'm not a psychologist, or anything near one; this is just my personal experience, as my mother is sensitive, caring, responsible, and survivalistic. Counter balancing these positive traits are forms of paranoia, over-involvement, a matyr complex, and need to do things only when absolutely alone. Adjust, adjust, it's all that has to be done. Thankfully, I'm not a single child.
lol pulling a MRian, and then she posts even though she hasn't posted for god knows how long. lol hahaha priceless.
Yeah, I noticed that too. That's a MEGA coincidence.
erbiumfiber
08-27-2005, 10:37 PM
Hey Jay, is there any way you can move out and go to school? I think you were saying before you were in the middle of some program...even if you have to take loans, it would be worth it. I think all kids should get to move out when they turn 18/finish high school. It just makes family relations SO much better. Your parents appreciate you more when you're not around.
I know it's been hard for me now that my daughter is 16- she doesn't want to do as much stuff with me, etc. But that's OK, I know she's got to make the break. In fact, she's going to be going to boarding school in the US this year while I stay in Japan and she's really looking forward to being on her own (she is extremely independent and mature and I really respect her).
I just feel like you really need a chance to get your own space...
StormShadow
08-27-2005, 10:51 PM
dude, totally! I moved in with my girlfriend when I graduated, and things were great! My apartment is mine, and since my parents never see me, nor I them, relations are really good. If they annoy me, I just go to my apartment and do whateer there.
But Jay... what if there's no space?
Though if you think that's bad, I recently did a bit of pick up work by filling in as a secretary. On my first day there, my boss proceeded to give me absolutely no information as to what I should do... except for when he decided to spend twenty minutes showing me how to copy/paste. The entire time, I kept trying to tell him it's faster if you just left click, or use keyboard commands... but no.
Did you know if you copy some text, then paste it, you can work on it without the original text being changed? Wow!
I did a certificate course in basic IT ops through work. Knew all the stuff, was just a free chance to get a bit of paper saying "this guy officialy knows this basic crap". That scenario you posted must have been played out nearly a dozen times through the crappy little course.
I damn near got FAILED for not doing things the anal, slow, pointless, annoying stupid way they wanted and using the fast way people who use pcs for more than an hour a week prefer.
Its got to be one of the most frusterating situations on the planet... being forcibly "taught" by people you dont only know more than, you OMGWTFPWN their dumb asses in every related detail :rolleyes:
I agree with MRian, sure your parents get on your nerves and your dad used to be violent(use to right?) but you have alot of things at home that you take for granted.
I think it's worth it to just peep up and mooch. :P
I'd go to school though so eventually I can move out without getting a part time job I hate.
That's agreeing with me...?
You enjoy your parents' computer too much to part with it, your biggest (only?) chore is washing the dishes, which you still complain about, at almost 19, you can come back from the bar at all hours of the morning and not have to worry about making it to work on time, etc.
that part atleast. Play nice hostile lady
Bobbybirdtree
08-28-2005, 07:26 PM
I want the old one back! :(
VeryMeanThoughts
08-28-2005, 07:58 PM
Take a shit on the coats. then later somebody will come out and say "Somebody shit on the coats!"
then you should say "WHAT?" and fade into the crowd.
Expert Insomniac
08-28-2005, 08:26 PM
Whoa... what happened here? This thread got far more serious than it warranted.
I'm going to sum up Jay's original post.
Jay's Dad: There's no room on the computer.
Jay: Don't worry. I already took care of it.
Jay's Dad: There's no room on the computer.
I mean, come on. That is legitimately annoying. There is nothing wrong with complaining about something that is annoying. And he had a poll. So what? It was just venting!
And the fact is, parents are not perfect. They can pick fights and start arguments. I know many people who if they calmly and rationally talked to their parents about how they felt, would promptly be screamed at for hours.
I mean, can everyone who was criticizing Jay honestly say you've never once complain to a friend about your parents? Never once felt annoyed, frustrated, or angry?
On another note, I am very amused at seeing code in everyone's signature.
OliveButtercup
08-28-2005, 09:34 PM
You're going to continue to deal with this attitude until you:
A) Move out
B) Get a stable job and earn your own cash
C) Go to college
D) Get a "hot" girlfriend
E) Anything else that you think might deserve your father's respect/admiration.
OliveButtercup
08-28-2005, 09:37 PM
Take a shit on the coats. then later somebody will come out and say "Somebody shit on the coats!"
then you should say "WHAT?" and fade into the crowd.
LMAO...I dunno why..but LMAO
VeryMeanThoughts
08-28-2005, 09:42 PM
That was 100% stolen from Dane Cook (www.danecook.com)
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