You had to admit, that was a GOOD Burn

[Decade]

I'm wondering for any of the members here currently in Japan teaching english if they could share any moments they've experienced where their students have done an amazingly good burn to another student in class.

Yea, I know you guys would typically try to NOT promote insult throwing in class, but I'm talking about that burn that kid was either set up for and it was just righteously done, or that one kid in class who REALLY deserved it and had it coming to him and you were just dumbstruck by the moment.

I'm not a teacher, but I'll share one from my own experience to give an idea of what I'm asking about.

I remember back in middle school once I was in a packed school bus on my way home, sitting in the back. When we got to one stop, this one little shit who insulted another girl on the bus relentlessly (seriously, what guy goes outta his way to pick on a girl who doesnt do or say anything?) had to stop for a moment as the girl he ragged on stood up in front of him to get off the bus.

Little shit: "Dogs go LAST, Alison!"

To which my bus driver had the huge balls to look right back at him and yell

BD: "THAT'S WHY YOU'RE BEHIND HER, DUMBASS"

The whole bus went in uproar and started pointing and laughing at the little shit.

Anyone got anything similar?

[Uska]

hahahaha that was an awesome burn man.

[gyoza]

seriously, what guy goes outta his way to pick on a girl who doesnt do or say anything?

A guy who likes her but is still in the 'girls have cooties' stage?

But yeah, that was awesome.

[gentlemanandscholar]

A guy who likes her but is still in the 'girls have cooties' stage?

But yeah, that was awesome.


So what you're saying is... girls DON'T have cooties???

[Decade]

:eyepop: So I didnt need to pay $500 for that cootie shot?!

[gentlemanandscholar]

circle circle, dot dot.

An interesting piece of non-fiction. Cootie is actually another word for Lice.

[Sl!m]

circle circle, dot dot.

An interesting piece of non-fiction. Cootie is actually another word for Lice.


I never knew that :boggled: thought it was just some made up word..

not another word for body louse. :knockout:

[Plekto]

1:Girls have cooties.
2:Resistance is futile.
3:Ecchi is inevetable.

Else we'd not be reading this, would we? ;)

[Decade]

While the sarcasm and jokes are actually quite funny, anyone actually have a story on this subject? I'm talking "Watson finally gets the shit thrown back on him" or something like that. :watson:

[gentlemanandscholar]

This isn't technically a burn by a person, as it is a burn by karma or something.

In grade 5 or so, there was a petite girl who was snide and always made everyone feel stupid. She would always volunteer for anything the teacher asked, and was generally a huge bitch.
Anyways, our science teacher wanted to show us how centrifugal force works, and asked for a volunteer.
She shot up her hand right away, was selected, and put a smug grin on her face.
So the teacher hands her a bucket full of water that was half her size, and told her to swing it around, showing that the water would stay in the bucket.
Everything goes as planned as she swings the bucket over her head, and the water stays in.

The coming down part was the problem. As the bucket swung down from her head, it had so much momentum that she couldn't stop it, and it hit her legs up from underneath her, causing her to fly and spray water all over.
Before anyone knew it she was on the floor soaked and in a daze.


So yeah, not actually a burn, more of an "owned". But I wanted to add some content.

[Jiant Flying Panda]

:eyepop: So I didnt need to pay $500 for that cootie shot?!
circle circle, dot dot.

Circle, circle.
Dot, dot.
Now I got the cootie shot.

Laugh out loud! I haven't heard that in years. Oh man the memories.

[PopCulturePooka]

I have a few stories, gotta remember them.

[MNJetter]

I've got some stories, I'm sure, but I can't think of any from Japan. Maybe I just haven't been here long enough.

[General_Admission]

I once peed in a Schlotsky's plastic cup during a bus ride to a cross country meet. It was super cold outside so it cooled pretty fast. A boy thought it was lemonade and took a sip of it! That was pretty funny b/c he had piss all over the front of his shirt. :D

[touche]

^ Ewwwwwwww

i have a few, but none of from japan either =(

[Rogue_7]

maybe not so much a burn as　a big oopsie..

I was teaching some class a few weeks ago, during the Olympics, and mentioned that I hadnt seen them at all. My students of course were quite surprised, and asked why. I answered that I didnt have a TV, and one student hit me with,

Wow you dont have a TV, you must be boring.

To which I replied,

You had better have meant bored!

[thedauntlessone]

a few years back in high school during history 12 (block A) our teacher (an old guy who's pretty intellegent)

teacher: Why are all of you getting sick? didn't you guys take the flu shot?
my friend: flu shots are only recommanded to people who are over 30 (said it in a serious tone)
teacher: who said that?
my friend: my mom's a nurse...(ppl start laughing including my friend)....registered nurse for over 10 years (proceeds to laugh for the next 10 mins)

its one of those moments where you had to live it to experience it... it was BEYOND funny... history 12 had a lot of good moments with my friends

[Crowley]

... don't get it?

[Worry]

I've a few, but not from Japan. These came from the beak room of a place I used to work.

They had a lot of Vietnamese and Cambodian workers. In order to communicate with them, I had to learn to translate broken English. I was pretty good at it. If I could pick up one word in three, I could usually figure out what they were trying to tell me. This in itself would lead to some pretty amusing situations. One of the little guys would be trying to talk to one of the locals. The local would look at me to tell him what the little guy said, I would tell him then the local would turn to the little guy and respond. Anyway, A Vietnamese guy we called Noon (I think it was something like Nyuen) was telling me about a problem he was having loading a truck. Claude, an older redneck from West Virginia looked at Noon and said slowly and clearly "Speak English." Noon responded just as slowly and clearly "F*ck You!" I laughed for days over that one.

Another involving Claude. Claude was lazy. To be fair, he had lived a hard life. Had a touch of Brown Lung from working in the coal mines. One day Claude and Terry got into an argument. Claude was supposed to be helping Terry do something. Claude told Terry, "Hey, I'm old, Can't you see this grey hair?" Terry replied, "Your hair aint grey, It's that color because of all the dust that settled on your lazy ass from sitting in one place to long!"

Terry was the worst when it came to understanding our Asian workers. One day in the break room, Steve Ha was trying to sell Terry a cassette player for his car. Steve spent five minutes telling Terry about it, and for once Terry seemed pretty intent on listening. At the end of his spiel, Steve asked Terry, "So you want to buy?" Terry just sat there for a beat, then said, "Yeah, I would like to buy a Noun, since I didn't understand a word you said."

Steve was pretty good about giving me the shit. He worked there with his wife. His wife was GORGEOUS. Long black hair, very fine olive skin, pretty eyes. His wife would tell me that at home, Steve would imitate my accent. Apparently he loved the way I talked. One day, the break room was full. All the chairs at the table were taken, and three of us were on the couch. I was laid back with my eyes closed when Melanie (Steve's wife) sat on my lap. Melanie, who was much better then Steve with English, called me G-string because she overheard me telling Terry one day about a trip I had taken to the local titty bar. I picked around with Melanie for five minutes or so until break was over, including explaining to her Terry's term for the titty bar being "Flop Shop" When Melanie got up, she said, "Thanks for the seat, G-string." I responded with "Thanks for putting it near me." With an exaggerated leer at her crotch and a waggle of the eyebrows. I then handed her a dollar and explained it was for the lap dance. She giggled and hit me in the arm, then fled the break room with her husband hot on her heels.

Steve was pretty pissed with me for a few weeks after the break room incident, but got over it when Melanie quit to go to a better job. A few weeks after she quit, though, I made him mad again. He was once more giving me the business when I asked him, "How's your wife and my children?" It took him a minute to work out what I said, then he cussed me out in Vietnamese. I just laughed it off. Later that day I happened to be there when Melanie showed up to bring Steve his lunch. Steve looked at me and stated, "I bet you wont say that when she is here!" Melanie asked "What?" I answered, "Steve is angry because I asked how our children are." Again it took a second for Melanie to work out what I said, then she looked at her husband, looked back at me and said "They are fine, they miss you." Then she produced a small bag of home made egg rolls and handed them to me, and left without another word! Steve was so mad he threw his food across the break room and stormed out. I was laughing so hard I could hardly eat the egg rolls

[gentlemanandscholar]

Oh man! Those are awesome stories, and you are quite the asshole. ;)

[Decade]

The Vietnamese dont beat their wives usually, right?

Anyway, anything more with burns you've all seen to bastards/bitches you've seen who REALLY deserved it?

I use to work at a restaurant where this one white guy annoyed a lot of the employees. In fact, I was one of the few who didnt really have a problem with him, but after this last story, I just couldnt help but laugh at him.

A couple of other employees at the restaurant had come up with a plan to finally get the guy to quit/get fired and put it into play.

If you've ever worked at a restaurant as a waiter, you've probably had the task of having to roll up silverware, at very least at the end of your shift. It really sucks because you're tired and you just wanna go home and enjoy what frugal tips you got.

Anyway, one waitress went up to him, I'll call him "Randy" for reasons obvious in a minute, and offered to do his roll ups for the day.

My boss saw him on his way out of the kitchen to go home and asked,

Boss: "Randy, did you do your roll ups today?"
Randy: "No, she [waitress] volunteered to do them for me."
Waitress: ":box: No I didnt, why would you say that?"

This sparked up a small argument between my boss and Randy to which this little bald, shrimpy, white boy tears up and just yells at the top of his lungs

Randy: "You know what boss?!?!
.....Suck my BIG BLACK DICK!!"
Everyone else in the kitchen and restaurant just went :eyepop: but like magic, one of our black cooks was there and let out what we were all thinking

Cook :":rofl: LITTLE WHITE BOY THINKS HES GONE BLACK!"

To which not only the entire kitchen started bawling over about, but a few customers outside even started tearing up and laughing.

Last I heard of him, he just stomped out teary eyed.

...that, people, is what I call a Self-inflicted, Euthanasia Burn. You set it up and BEGGED for it.

[MNJetter]

Ooh, ooh, I've got one. Not from Japan, but it's a good one.

My band director from high school is the smartest, most enthusiastic, most motivational, most passionate, and just generally the most awesome band director I've ever had the pleasure of working with. He also happens to be black.

This has never been a problem at our school, but he told us a story once that I have never forgotten. Apparently, when he first arrived in Minnesota and started looking for jobs at various schools, he had an interview with one particular school board that he knew wasn't for him as soon as he walked into the door. He had been excited to get an interview, because this school is known for being one of the best schools in the state as far as music education goes, but he thought better of it after the following incident.

He entered a room where there was a panel of people waiting to interview him. As soon as he walked in, three or four of them got this surprised look on their face, and the guy in charge of the interview blurted out "Oh....you're black."

My band director had the good sense and quick wit to stare back, imitate an equally surprised expression, and say "Oh....you're white."
He followed that up by just turning around and walking out of the room, not even bothering to interview.

Our high school helped him with the legacy of his burn by beating out that school in every music contest we participated in since he was hired. And it's not like we're the world's awesomest musicians, either. It's mainly his genius and enthusiasm that lets us rise to the top. And the other school will always get to play under the shadow of our band because of the racist stupidity of their school board.

Though I'm almost glad their school board was racist and stupid, because otherwise I would not have had the wonderful experience with concert band that I did.

Go us.

[gyoza]

I'm sure there's a moral in there somewhere.

Awesome story, and a good burn :clap:

[Dresh]

circle circle, dot dot.

An interesting piece of non-fiction. Cootie is actually another word for Lice.

Oddly enough, I've always drawn parallels between the two, in spite of not knowing that.

[pencil_eater_masa]

I've a few, but not from Japan. These came from the beak room of a place I used to work.

They had a lot of Vietnamese and Cambodian workers. In order to communicate with them, I had to learn to translate broken English. I was pretty good at it. If I could pick up one word in three, I could usually figure out what they were trying to tell me. This in itself would lead to some pretty amusing situations. One of the little guys would be trying to talk to one of the locals. The local would look at me to tell him what the little guy said, I would tell him then the local would turn to the little guy and respond. Anyway, A Vietnamese guy we called Noon (I think it was something like Nyuen) was telling me about a problem he was having loading a truck. Claude, an older redneck from West Virginia looked at Noon and said slowly and clearly "Speak English." Noon responded just as slowly and clearly "F*ck You!" I laughed for days over that one.

Another involving Claude. Claude was lazy. To be fair, he had lived a hard life. Had a touch of Brown Lung from working in the coal mines. One day Claude and Terry got into an argument. Claude was supposed to be helping Terry do something. Claude told Terry, "Hey, I'm old, Can't you see this grey hair?" Terry replied, "Your hair aint grey, It's that color because of all the dust that settled on your lazy ass from sitting in one place to long!"

Steve was pretty good about giving me the shit. He worked there with his wife. His wife was GORGEOUS. Long black hair, very fine olive skin, pretty eyes. His wife would tell me that at home, Steve would imitate my accent. Apparently he loved the way I talked. One day, the break room was full. All the chairs at the table were taken, and three of us were on the couch. I was laid back with my eyes closed when Melanie (Steve's wife) sat on my lap. Melanie, who was much better then Steve with English, called me G-string because she overheard me telling Terry one day about a trip I had taken to the local titty bar. I picked around with Melanie for five minutes or so until break was over, including explaining to her Terry's term for the titty bar being "Flop Shop" When Melanie got up, she said, "Thanks for the seat, G-string." I responded with "Thanks for putting it near me." With an exaggerated leer at her crotch and a waggle of the eyebrows. I then handed her a dollar and explained it was for the lap dance. She giggled and hit me in the arm, then fled the break room with her husband hot on her heels.

Steve was pretty pissed with me for a few weeks after the break room incident, but got over it when Melanie quit to go to a better job. A few weeks after she quit, though, I made him mad again. He was once more giving me the business when I asked him, "How's your wife and my children?" It took him a minute to work out what I said, then he cussed me out in Vietnamese. I just laughed it off. Later that day I happened to be there when Melanie showed up to bring Steve his lunch. Steve looked at me and stated, "I bet you wont say that when she is here!" Melanie asked "What?" I answered, "Steve is angry because I asked how our children are." Again it took a second for Melanie to work out what I said, then she looked at her husband, looked back at me and said "They are fine, they miss you." Then she produced a small bag of home made egg rolls and handed them to me, and left without another word! Steve was so mad he threw his food across the break room and stormed out. I was laughing so hard I could hardly eat the egg rolls

these stories are probably the best. laughed so hard, my mom yelled at me about it >.>

[Druid]

Hmm...there was this one time where we put around ten packs of ketchup in a kids bible carryer thing...and then there was that one time we got a friend a thong for his sixteenth birthday....Oh! Last winter, Me and a few of the guys were over a friends house, and we were waitin for his lazy bumo come outside. All the whille it's around 10 degrees F, and we're freezin our asses off. So, since he was taking such a long time, we made a replica of a mans trouser snake with kibbles and bits included that was about 50 feet long. After he stood there staring for a few seconds, he tried to walk down the steps and fell on his ass. Winter-2 Matt-0

[Druid]

Punch the key for god sake!

[Radiance]

Ptkfgs! :D

[Moonstruck]

I'm wondering for any of the members here currently in Japan teaching english if they could share any moments they've experienced where their students have done an amazingly good burn to another student in class.

Yea, I know you guys would typically try to NOT promote insult throwing in class, but I'm talking about that burn that kid was either set up for and it was just righteously done, or that one kid in class who REALLY deserved it and had it coming to him and you were just dumbstruck by the moment.

I'm not a teacher, but I'll share one from my own experience to give an idea of what I'm asking about.

I remember back in middle school once I was in a packed school bus on my way home, sitting in the back. When we got to one stop, this one little shit who insulted another girl on the bus relentlessly (seriously, what guy goes outta his way to pick on a girl who doesnt do or say anything?) had to stop for a moment as the girl he ragged on stood up in front of him to get off the bus.

Little shit: "Dogs go LAST, Alison!"

To which my bus driver had the huge balls to look right back at him and yell

BD: "THAT'S WHY YOU'RE BEHIND HER, DUMBASS"

The whole bus went in uproar and started pointing and laughing at the little shit.

Anyone got anything similar?

Haha, that reminds me of a similar situation!

A couple years ago, I was in summer school (>.>) and we took a bus home every day and there's this group of guys who always sat in the very back. One day, they were being retards as usual, but that particular day, they were being really annoying as well. Whenever the bus went over a bump, even a small one, they would all yell and go "OHHHH!!! OWWWW!!! OH MY GOD!! THAT HURT!!! HOLY SHIT!!! OHHHH!!!!" and then stop until we got to another bump. This continued for probably a good ten minutes. Then, it was like...

Bus: *bump*
Guys: OHHHH!!! OWWW!!! AAAHHHHH!! THAT HURT!!!
Bus Driver: Well, maybe if you wouldn't sit with your fingers so far up your ass, it wouldn't!

XD

[Pierrot le Fou]

One from a TV show in Japan (IQ Suppliment):

There is a regular on the show (which is a quiz show with brain teasers, essentially) who is half-American(?) and half-Japanese, who can't speak English and insists that he hated English in school. They have schools make kanji out of their bodies (like 100+ people to make a kanji) in parts, and the people on the show have to guess what it is. The school introduces themself first, and usually has a message for one of the regulars.

The school was an international school, and says, "Hey, Weintz -- why can't you speak English? You're half-American, right?" Another kid says (in Japanese), "A foreigner who can't speak English is the absolute worst!" [英語が喋れない外国人が最悪やで].

Immediately after this, Weintz yells at another member of the show, "SIT DOWN!" in bad English.

Quite amusing.

(Weintz may very well be half-German though, in which case it's not as big of a deal -- the people talking from the international school seemed to be Indian/Pakistani/other varities of south-Asian though)

[MNJetter]

Heh. That'd be interesting if people in America had the same idea. "Dammit, if you can't speak your ancestor's language, you are the worst!"

I'd have to pick up Czech, German, Dutch, and Gaelic. I'm having a hard enough time with just German and Japanese! :D

...and maybe French, if you count my Canadian ancestors. But they were British Canadian, so I don't count that!

[Pierrot le Fou]

Let's bear in mind that the vast majority of half-white kids have a non-native Japanese speaking parent. That makes it a lot different than speaking your ancestor's language from generations past. Furthermore, English is a Hell of a lot more useful than Czech is...

There is plenty of emphasis in the US on speaking your parents' language too, though not necessarily from society. How many parents do you know that only spoke their native language to their kids? I certainly knew a lot of first-generation Americans who did that.

[Frankey-eh]

"Dammit, if you can't speak your ancestor's language, you are the worst!"

well... the thing with that mentality is that if you're Japanese-American, and you can't speak Japanese, then you won't be able to communicate with your Japanese grandparents or even parents or other relatives. So... if America doesn't have that mentality, then how do they communicate with their grandparents and such? Is it unnecessary because the relatives they have, they've all moved to America and can speak English?

[MNJetter]

um...oops.

heh. I was simply intrigued by the idea, and trying to make a lighthearted observation. I have no idea what the general thoughts on this are in America, actually, and am pretty sure that the majority of Japanese people would not be insulted if a half-American guy couldn't speak English. If you guys want to start a discussion, be my guest, but just to let you know, I wasn't meaning for it to generate serious thought.

[Pierrot le Fou]

Generally it's only an issue for two generations.

While people are living longer, it's rare for most people to have their great-grand-parents alive by the time they hit high school or so.

So if a couple immigrates to the US, they have a child who learns their parents' language to speak to their grandparents. The parents will learn English while living in the US most likely. The grandkids of those origial immigrants may learn their grandparents' native language, though they wouldn't really need to, because everyone who's alive will most likely speak English.

In Japan, with people like Weintz, one of their parents cannot natively speak Japanese. While that parent can communicate in Japanese, they still aren't native at that language, and so it would make sense for the kid to learn the native languages of both parents. Furthermore, an entire side of the family (cousins, relatives, etc.) don't speak Japanese at all most likely, so it would make sense to learn that language to speak to them.