Homosexuality & Kids (Not What You Think!)

[JebusHCripes]

As inflamatory as that sub might seem, I'm not going to start talking about pedophilia. Really.

Let me start by retelling a little story my sister told me. I myself have no children yet, and likely never will (not because I don't like kids, in fact I love kids, just that I'm too fucked up to raise children properly), but I am an uncle to two beautiful little girls that I love more than life itself. Anyway, my sister was telling me about something that happened to another pair of parents whom she met at her daughter's daycare. Basically, what had happened was that they both had young boys (7 and 8 IIRC) who were friends since daycare, and one day, one of the mothers walked in on them kissing (yes, each other).

As it was explained to me, it was relatively innocent in that it appeared the two were just being affectionate and being that they're so young, didn't realize there was anything odd or unusual about this in that innocent way where youth don't realize the social ramifications nor that there's a general belief that this behaviour may be considered unacceptable.

While both pairs of parents were shocked, neither did anything stupid and simply let the incident slide as one of those things innocent kids do because "they don't know any better" as it were. But when the incident happened again, the parents became a little concerned.

Which got me thinking about the subject at hand. In today's western society and culture where homosexuality is supposedly viewed as an acceptable lifestyle in the media and 'general' populace, how does this type of thing enter into the picture? I realize that homosexuality in a broad acceptance overview of western culture while appearing to be acceptable, is likely very much not the case in smaller communities and especially among the tightly knit religious communities, but putting that aspect aside, I'm speaking in the more generalized consciousness of western culture. Especially in this case where both pairs of parents are clearly heterosexual, what do they do?

From the parent's perspective, do they try to wean them away from this behaviour? It's not clear if their behaviour is truly homosexual, but more likely that they simply are going through that discovery period as children do in exploring emerging sexuality and such, and didn't realize that there's a difference between male and female. But what if it IS actual homosexuality at play?

I'm not really curious to hear from those that don't have children, as truthfully, any answer or opinion you can give is completely speculative. It's only when you have children of your own that you can fully comprehend and grasp the weight of what's at stake in a decision like this, which is why I'm curious to hear from those of you who have children of your own. Not so much a "What would YOU do?" type of response, but rather I'm curious to hear both your reasoning and your thoughts on the matter in general.

When I asked my sister what she would have done, she paused for a moment and stated flatly, "I really don't know", which is about as honest as you can get since her oldest daughter is only 4 and is still a little ways away from even the possibility of this coming up, but it became clear that it wasn't as simple an answer as one might think.

Jebus

[Roxie]

Actually, I hear "sex play" in children is common with the same sex, or friends. But it doesn't predict sexual orientation, it's just that they're close and comfortable with each other, not attracted to each other.

But no, I don't remember where I heard that. Some TV show.

But, I don't have children...but I've heard simliar stories w/ppl I know vert well personally, but they're heterosexual as can be.

[phagan]

Are children even capable of expressing any kind of sexuality?

[otro34]

Curiosity for it.

I think it was more inocent than anything. Pure affection. The thing is that kids learn things from other people, they just don't do. So may be they've seen something or their fathers kiss them (witch is actually pretty common).

[D-pad]

I had a "friend" when I was around 4. We had a little fun, I don't think it swayed my sexuality. Btw, just cause I'm gay means nothing.

[B RoCkS1010]

i remeber in like kindergarden me and my friends used to show each other our peniss

now that i look back on it... hahaha

[Soli]

I used to chase the boys around the play ground and try to kiss them when I was little. :rofl:

What does that say about me? XD

[mugen]

i remeber in like kindergarden me and my friends used to show each other our peniss

now that i look back on it... hahaha
who didn't do that?...Or am I just a victim of my own childhood...hmm

I used to chase the boys around the play ground and try to kiss them when I was little. :rofl:

What does that say about me? XD
you a ho :dj:

[MNJetter]

Word has it that little boys in Japan through the age of 13 or 14 have a pasttime of jamming fingers up each others' asses, but that doesn't doesn't keep them from being heterosexual later. :watson:

[Geat_masta]

I used to chase the boys around the play ground and try to kiss them when I was little. :rofl:

What does that say about me? XD

did the cooperate? or did you leave them scared for life?

[ZaichikArky]

Mmm. Kids are kids. I don't think they really start knowing what sexuality is until they are about 13. I've been masturbating since I was 5 or 6 but did so only because I liked how it felt, not because I was thinking of boys really...

I know this guy who used to do dirty things with his male/female cousins until a family member found out about it and it was stopped. One of my best friends used to do sexual things with her female friends when she was little. Kids just have a natural sense of curiosity.

If I had kids and I caught them doing it, I'd probably put it to a stop because really, I don't think it's appropriate for children to be messing around like that at a young age. But if they did it with same-sex kids, I probably wouldn't think twice about them being gay. Chances are they got curious and their good friends happened to be curious themselves.

Probably a reason why homosexual "exploration" happens with young children is because at that age, they hate the opposite sex and usually don't want anything to do with them. The "cooties" thing... I remember hating boys for a long while when I was little...

[Kass]

The behavior isn't sexual. It's mimicry. Both little boys probably see their parents kiss and are imitating that behavior. At such a young age, they've no real concept of sexuality and are only beginning to grasp real gender differences. The discovery of sexuality tends to coincide with the pre-teen/teen explosion of hormones.

If you ask most kids that age what the differences between boys and girls are, you'll get "girls have long hair and boys have short hair. Girls wear dresses and boys don't. Girls/boys are icky." etc...

Don't forget, these kids will go through the "kissing is gross" stage too. That usually is the point at which little girls threaten to kiss the boys to make them go away. ;)

I'd ahve stopped it only because anymore, if they did that at school, they'd end up suspended for "sexual harassment." There have been cases of kids who accidentally touch or grab clothing getting suspended for this kind of crap. Even the whole, "If you don't go away, I'll kiss you" thing is now a major deal. It's absurd.

I'd probably just say that kissing is something that grown-ups who care about each other do and for family members like moms and children and dads and children to share. It's something that we only do with a few people we love. At that age, the sexual aspect of it would probably be boring and they wouldn't understand anyway. The words would make sense but the concept would just be beyond them

[Geat_masta]

where does the oppisite gender is icky thing come from anyway? i questioned why i thought that alot when i was going through that phase, but i never got an answer, but i think i got punished and Xrayed for talking to myself... hmmm....

[kyaa the catlord]

We used to pee into empty butter bowl things, like the plastic things Country Crock comes in.

Yeah, I had a weird childhood.

I still haven't recovered from the constant "If you were a girl, we could buy you these cute dresses."

Thanks Mom.

[Koryuu]

I agree with Kass. I'd have stopped it - gently - because it's really not age-appropriate behavior. It would have nothing to do with the same-sex issue.

For the record, since you're requesting that people with children respond - I am a parent.

[Aravan]

I remember my (younger) sister covering my mouth with her hand and kissing the back of it. Mimicry, surely. When my son was 3, i remember him walking out of my room in my pantyhose. Another time, wearing two silk nighties. He tried to put on mascara. Now, he just turned six and wont go near girly stuff, even when, just getting out of the tub, he refused to wear my grey shirt and went naked until the laundry was done.
As for children (any type of pairing) kissing, i think this could be discouraged by asking them if they are going to marry (whoever) when they grow up! The answer is likely to be a snickering, "no." To which the response is, "oh, only married people kiss like that, right?" I fear that making a BIG deal out of it would make issues worse. Pointing out, coyly, the desired situation for the behavior might be best.

[Geat_masta]

I remember my (younger) sister covering my mouth with her hand and kissing the back of it. Mimicry, surely. When my son was 3, i remember him walking out of my room in my pantyhose. Another time, wearing two silk nighties. He tried to put on mascara. Now, he just turned six and wont go near girly stuff, even when, just getting out of the tub, he refused to wear my grey shirt and went naked until the laundry was done.


XD *is floored* XD

[Yachiru]

I used to kiss my (girl)cousin (and I'm a girl) al the time when I was younger.And we used to play husband and wife.I still dont understand why. But I'm not lesbian. And she is also not a lesbian.
So I believe those kids aren't doing anything weird or wrong.
I think it's normal behaviour.

[Kass]

It is normal. It is also normal that parents ensure that kids learn the appropriate context for normal behavior.

[Kash]

For one, sexuality isn't binary. Sexual preference is measured on a scale and it's most likely to change over time. Many homosexuals often report having hetero relationships prior to their "coming out" (for lack of a better term).

Kids on the other hand do, and should, have a natural curosity about sex and sex rolls. It's naive on our parts to assume that "just because johnny is only six, he must not comprehend anything on the subject". Our kids will understand at a very early age that not all families have one mommy and one daddy. The delicate point is, as asked, "Can a parent sway a child's sexual preference." Undoubtibly they do, most likely in ways they don't percieve or plan.

Time and time again, child psychologists have told us to answer our kids questions matter of factly. If they want more information they'll ask. That's probably the best way to know that a child is ready for more information.

As parents we set boundries for our kid's behavior on all matter of subjects, sex being just the least. It's probably just as inappropriate (and common) for kids to kiss opposite sexed playmates as they do same sexed ones. At a tender age, kissing should be "reserved behavior". Whether that's Sally running around the playground chasing boys or if it's the scenario posited by the first poster. Frankly there are some weird unwritten rules regarding parent/child kissing that exist and often break taboos depending on culture/location or age.

To answer more directly, I don't think it's odd or unhealthy for kids of that age to explore sexuality with same sex partners. Likewise, I think it's healthy for parents in this situation to explain to the kids that it's probably inappropriate behavior. Not because of the sex of the participants but rather it is a source of misinformation. Kids of that age should be nurtured to come to their parents with sexuality questions, not researching it on their own.

All in all, it's a molehill that shouldn't be made into a mountain.

[Bagpuss]

I agree with Kass. Kissing is not bad behaviour, it just may not always be appropriate.

At least they were not mimicking bad adult behaviour, which, bizarrely would probably involve hitting each other a lot which most people think is fine for small boys.

[Kass]

It's naive on our parts to assume that "just because johnny is only six, he must not comprehend anything on the subject".

I don't think anyone anywhere said they don't comprehend anything. At that age, they won't understand the esoteric concepts of pleasure, sexual gratification, intimacy and physiological responses to sex. In other words, all the stuff that kicks in with hormones. They do understand feeling affection and love and expressions of those feelings. They likely wouldn't be able to define it well, but they know what it feels like.

No one said not to answer kids honestly either, but an honest answer still has to be age appropriate. How you explain appropriate occasions for kissing to a 6-year-old and a 13-year-old are entirely different. Cognitive development and the ability to understand esoteric concepts change dramatically, even from 6 to 8 to 10.

[Kash]

I don't think anyone anywhere said they don't comprehend anything. At that age, they won't understand the esoteric concepts of pleasure, sexual gratification, intimacy and physiological responses to sex.
Indeed. By the by, I wans't pointing my hypothetical quote at you, or anyone in particular. Rather, I meant to isolate the idea that some parents have had of simply saying "Don't do that, you wouldnt' understand why" or "That's dirty". Again, hyperboilc quotes. IMO, a more correct discussion would be;

"While it's OK for parents to kiss and some family members <insert your own family norms/>, it's not accepable for you to kiss your friends or their family the same way. Kissing and some other behaviors like that have adult rules".

Or some such, with as much elaboration as needed for the particular kid. I really think the wrong thing to do would be to identify the behavior as "queer" and stigmatize it. While that may seem far fetched, I do think it's still all too common.




No one said not to answer kids honestly either, but an honest answer still has to be age appropriate. How you explain appropriate occasions for kissing to a 6-year-old and a 13-year-old are entirely different. Cognitive development and the ability to understand esoteric concepts change dramatically, even from 6 to 8 to 10.

Sure, no arguments here. If a kid wants more information, and feels secure, they'll keep asking. But again, the point I was trying to make is that some people, perhaps the original poster or the parents in the above situation, might alter their honest answer simply because the scenario appears to be homosexual. And I guess, that's fine... If you choose to bring up your (not you Kass, I'm using the royal "your") kids that homosexuality is bad. But I think history has proven just how well that approch works. <sarcasm/>

I certianly agree with you on the differences of explaining age appropriate kissing to a 6 vs. a 13 year old. But then, if the original scenario happened with 13 year olds instead, I'd venture to say the cause and the discussion to follow would be fundimentally different.

All in all, I don't think we're arguing or even on a different page. Perhaps I should limit my hyperbolic quotes?

[Kuri]

I remember when I was a kid I did such things, as early as kindergarten I was trying to get "girlfriends" but it didn't ammount to anything of course. But when I was early on in elementary school I always thought about girls that I liked while masturbating..

That's a past I am ashamed of though -_- , I think it's because parents believe their children don't have an understanding that such behaviour occurs. Children should be educated, especially on such matters.

I wish I had parents who would have taught me not to masturbate when I was younger, but at least we can all work hard to recompense

[Aravan]

I wish I had parents who would have taught me not to masturbate when I was younger, but at least we can all work hard to recompense.
I fail to see how masturbation is a bad thing. >.> Granted, its not something we like to think other people do, much less our kids, but it is a healthy natural thing that (at least in adults) keeps our hormones balanced. It feels good, and i seriously doubt kids think anything more of it than "when i do this, it's kinda...heheh!" I know i masturbated before i started my period at 12 years old. Cant recall how much earlier than that though. And i wasn't thinking about boys when i was doing it; they were stupid, worthless things. XD

[Roxie]

I was masturbating when I was very young. I just figured it out and I told my mother and she told me it was very natural, but to be sure there are certain places & times to do such things.