ManiacLove
08-20-2005, 05:19 AM
Two years ago. I went to an "alternative highschool". Basically it's for people failing regular school. (I was hospitalized zillions of times so I was never there.) You can pass with your eyes closed. We had 10 minutes smoke breaks, and everyone (well except me.) did weed during lunch. The only catch was you couldn't do it in the parking. But the principle knew. He was only there for about 2 hours a day. Anyway. There are these 2 classes you can take at the local community college during regular school hours and get college credits for them. I was taking a First Aid class, and Joe (my then & current boyfriend) was taking a heating & cooling class. Everyone who doesn't have a car goes by bus. We took a ride in a friend's van.
It was "break" between class and I was feeling "frisky". (I had just "lost it" the week before, so I had just discovered the wonderful joys of.. um.. "Sharing Tenderness".)
So we hopped in the van and "Shared" our "Tenderness". There's a knock on the van. We stop, and it's some guy from our class.
Not 5 minutes later theres a gun in my face. And someone screaming "Get out of the van and onto the ground!" I realized it was the police and did as told.
It turns out that guy's buddy was breaking into the car next to us. Apparently the day before someone was breaking into a bunch of cars and they had some undercover cops on the scene.
That man's name is Richard. Now then.. Richard ran. Richard ran I believe 2 miles before the police dogs caught him in a pond/stream thing.
Joe & get arrested and hauled in. I have to tell the police about my liasons. Joe is fingerprinted(?!) but in the end, they let us go.
Interesting side note: Joe used to do MJ like it's nobody's business. That was the day I asked him to stop. If he hadn't he would've got a possession charge.
My life is kooky.
Something else I need to vent about:
I work at a popular chain italian resturaunt. My position is called "Tsulata" which means greeter. But I don't just greet! No, no, no. I greet, seat, take reservations, to go orders, roll silverware, sweep, mop & clean the bathrooms. So I basically do everything shy of cooking and serving. And managering.. Here are some fun stories from my "career".
This one happens to be from this evening. I am cleaning the bathroom, and chaing the toilet paper. A Mom and her "child" walk in and I get suspicious right a way. As I get the hell out of there she locks herself in a stall anbd they're arguing. It's Friday and it's the dinner rush, so I go in the back to roll silverware.
Not 3 minutes later here come "Megan" (other Tsulata) and "John" (Manager) talking about shit. Not shit as "stuff", shit as in feces.
I ask what happened and sho'nuff (that's right, I said it.) there's shit on the floor in bathroom. The Moo didnt even report it, another customer did.
That's it the end. No funny puchline. Just shit.
Yesterday we had a party of 35 come in.
I was seating a hetero couple when the woman asked "I want to sit over there".
I replied, "I'm sorry, I can't seat you there, we're saving those tables for a party of 35."
Her: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes."
Her:" Can I go back by that wall there?"
Me: "Yeah, sure."
Her: "That's what I thought."
I wasn't even fucking rude. I sat her in my Aunt's section. I told her what happened and heard her mumble something about "Secret Sauce" and I (selectively) did not hear the rest. XD
The worst part is opening the door for people. I'm 5'2" and those damn doors are behemoth, & heavy. Usually people start coming in after I've already been standing for 2 hours so my feet hurt. I open the door, say "Hi you guys! Welcome to ******," and they just ignore me and go straight to the podium. Sometimes I wonder if they don't hear me. Except for when they turn and look at me. Stare. Then keep going.
I'M GREETING YOU MOTHER FUCKER. I ACKNOWLEDGED YOUR SHIT EATING UPPER-MIDDLE CLASS EXISTANCE. ACKNOWLEDGE IT OR I WILL BEAT YOU OVER THE FUCING FACE WITH THIS HERE WAIT SHEET.
I also love it when people interrupt me on the phone. I really love that.
"HI! Thanks fo-"
"TO GO"
"Excuse Me?"
"TO GO"
"..Would you like to place a to go order?"
"YES!"
"Yes...?"
"I said I want to go!"
"Then go!" *transfer call to to go*
Wow. This is a sorry excuse for an editorial. Ah, well.
It was "break" between class and I was feeling "frisky". (I had just "lost it" the week before, so I had just discovered the wonderful joys of.. um.. "Sharing Tenderness".)
So we hopped in the van and "Shared" our "Tenderness". There's a knock on the van. We stop, and it's some guy from our class.
Not 5 minutes later theres a gun in my face. And someone screaming "Get out of the van and onto the ground!" I realized it was the police and did as told.
It turns out that guy's buddy was breaking into the car next to us. Apparently the day before someone was breaking into a bunch of cars and they had some undercover cops on the scene.
That man's name is Richard. Now then.. Richard ran. Richard ran I believe 2 miles before the police dogs caught him in a pond/stream thing.
Joe & get arrested and hauled in. I have to tell the police about my liasons. Joe is fingerprinted(?!) but in the end, they let us go.
Interesting side note: Joe used to do MJ like it's nobody's business. That was the day I asked him to stop. If he hadn't he would've got a possession charge.
My life is kooky.
Something else I need to vent about:
I work at a popular chain italian resturaunt. My position is called "Tsulata" which means greeter. But I don't just greet! No, no, no. I greet, seat, take reservations, to go orders, roll silverware, sweep, mop & clean the bathrooms. So I basically do everything shy of cooking and serving. And managering.. Here are some fun stories from my "career".
This one happens to be from this evening. I am cleaning the bathroom, and chaing the toilet paper. A Mom and her "child" walk in and I get suspicious right a way. As I get the hell out of there she locks herself in a stall anbd they're arguing. It's Friday and it's the dinner rush, so I go in the back to roll silverware.
Not 3 minutes later here come "Megan" (other Tsulata) and "John" (Manager) talking about shit. Not shit as "stuff", shit as in feces.
I ask what happened and sho'nuff (that's right, I said it.) there's shit on the floor in bathroom. The Moo didnt even report it, another customer did.
That's it the end. No funny puchline. Just shit.
Yesterday we had a party of 35 come in.
I was seating a hetero couple when the woman asked "I want to sit over there".
I replied, "I'm sorry, I can't seat you there, we're saving those tables for a party of 35."
Her: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes."
Her:" Can I go back by that wall there?"
Me: "Yeah, sure."
Her: "That's what I thought."
I wasn't even fucking rude. I sat her in my Aunt's section. I told her what happened and heard her mumble something about "Secret Sauce" and I (selectively) did not hear the rest. XD
The worst part is opening the door for people. I'm 5'2" and those damn doors are behemoth, & heavy. Usually people start coming in after I've already been standing for 2 hours so my feet hurt. I open the door, say "Hi you guys! Welcome to ******," and they just ignore me and go straight to the podium. Sometimes I wonder if they don't hear me. Except for when they turn and look at me. Stare. Then keep going.
I'M GREETING YOU MOTHER FUCKER. I ACKNOWLEDGED YOUR SHIT EATING UPPER-MIDDLE CLASS EXISTANCE. ACKNOWLEDGE IT OR I WILL BEAT YOU OVER THE FUCING FACE WITH THIS HERE WAIT SHEET.
I also love it when people interrupt me on the phone. I really love that.
"HI! Thanks fo-"
"TO GO"
"Excuse Me?"
"TO GO"
"..Would you like to place a to go order?"
"YES!"
"Yes...?"
"I said I want to go!"
"Then go!" *transfer call to to go*
Wow. This is a sorry excuse for an editorial. Ah, well.