Super Smash Bros. Odyssey

[ZeekeXIV]

Alternate (and recommended) link: http://smashboards.com/showthread.php?t=35207
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FOREWORD

Before we get started, here's just a few things I ask of everyone:

-Please don't flame. I wouldn't do it to you, so I'm hoping you'd do the same for me.
-Constructive criticism only! If you didn't like the story, just say what you didn't like and help me improve on future chapters.
-All compliments, acknowledgments, and props are more than welcome and greatly appreciated!

A word of caution:

I will not hesitate to push the boundaries of a PG-13 story to its breaking point, so sometimes things will get a little rough. I might include:

- Foul language
- Crude humor
- Sexuality
- Violence

If you can't handle any of these elements, I suggest you don't go on. If you continue despite my warning, just remember that I tried.

This story is rated...

PG-13
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Act 1: Not Again

In the heart of the Mushroom Kingdom, very close to Princess Peach’s castle, lied the home of the most critically acclaimed and prominent idols in all the land. This was the humble adobe of none other than Mario Mario. His tales of endless heroism were known throughout his world, as he was best known for foiling the twisted plots of the diabolical King Bowser Koopa and saving the fair Princess Peach Toadstool.

During the mid-afternoon, Mario headed toward his mailbox in the front yard to pick up the mail that had just been delivered. He rummaged through a stack letters, noting nothing out of the ordinary.

“Bills… bills… credit card offers… bills…” Mario shuffled to one particular envelop which promptly exploded as soon as he touched it. “WOOAAH!!! Bullet Bill by mail… I’ll get you, Wario…” He growled through gritted teeth as he continued shuffling through his delivery. “Titillated Toadettes resubscription?” Mario raised an eyebrow of confusion when he came upon this piece of postage. “I need to tell Luigi to stop using my address…”

Eventually, he stopped on one particular letter: a pink-enveloped parcel with a red-headed mushroom in the upper-left corner. This type of envelop only came from one person…

“A letter from Peach…” Mario hummed with a nod as he slid a finger through the seal, opened the envelop, and read the letter.

Dear Mario,

Please come to the castle. I’ve baked a cake for you!

Yours truly,
Princess Toadstool (Peach)

“I was just in the mood for one of her cakes, too!” Mario said satisfactorily, hungrily rubbing his stomach. “Why does this feel so ridiculously familiar, though? Eh, maybe I’m just imagining things.”

Shaking his budding suspicions, Mario bought his mail into his house and took the nearest warp-pipe to Princess Peach’s castle. Her home was looking just as grand and splendid as ever, with birds happily chirping, rabbits playing in the hedge maze, the waterfall flowing pure and clean as always. Everything seemed as normal as ever. Without any hesitation, Mario ran to the front door and let himself into the castle.

Without warning, accompanied by a threatening fanfare, a booming voice echoed throughout the main lobby of the castle.

“WELCOME!! NO ONE’S HOME!! NOW SCRAM-- AND DON’T COME BACK!! GWA HA HA!!”

Suddenly, it hit him: this was exactly how his greatest adventure yet had started: Super Mario 64! The same exact letter… the same exact greeting… It all came rushing back into Mario’s memory.

“Not again… I have GOT to stop falling for Bowser’s stupid tricks! I can’t believe I fell for a rehash…” Mario sighed, disappointed in himself and Bowser’s lack of creativity in his latest scheme. “Whatever… Time to get to work.”

All this time, Mario hadn’t even stepped out of the doorway. He took nearly two steps and was greeted by Toad, who wasted no time dealing Mario a heavy dose of incessant complaining.

“Mario! This is terrible! The princess was kidnapped by Bowser again! What are we going to do? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” He bawled.

Mario wasn’t too upset before, but seeing this display of sheer weakness set him off. The Toads were supposed to be guarding the castle, and in the event of an impending kidnapping, they were to notify Mario ASAP and begin plans for a counterattack. Instead, he finds this Toad bawling in a corner, not even attempting to do anything about what just happened. It was things like these that Mario just couldn’t tolerate.

“You people are so useless, it’s unbelievable!” Mario screamed, seething with rage. “I’ll tell you what we’re going to do: NOTHING!! I’m going to find Bowser, beat him within a nanometer of his life, rescue Peach, and tell her to fire each and every one of your sorry asses! You, on the other hand, are going to shut the hell up, stand in a corner, violate yourself with your own fist, and smile about it until I get back!”

Toad just stood there. He had never seen Mario so enraged before. A stunned, sad, and hopeless look was plastered on Toad’s face.

“What are you waiting for?! Get over there!” Mario furiously demanded, sending a boot to Toad’s backside and a few fireballs for good measure.

“AAAACK!!! OKAY, OKAY!!!” Toad cried as he frantically ran to the farthest corner and dropped his pants.

“And if I find out you moved from that spot…” Mario wasn’t even able to complete his threat. His blinding rage clouded his creativity. “Don’t… move… from that spot…”

He finally left Toad to his fate and began his trek to the final battle stage. Since he sensed that since Bowser hadn’t fooled around with the Power Stars this time around, he could just go straight to the end.

Not too long after he set out, he reached his destination without many hardships; none at all, in fact. He jumped down the final warp-pipe and prepared for an arduous battle. Much to his surprise, the only thing that awaited him was an empty, star-shaped platform.

“What…? I left this place like this years ago!” He realized as he glanced around, expecting this to be a trick.

Mario then noticed a lone, yellow note in the middle of the field. He walked up to it and picked it up off the ground. It read:

To the Fattest, Dumbest Plumber in all of Mushroom Kingdom,

You really are a dumbass. I really meant it when I said nobody’s home. You’re never gonna find me, meaning you’ll never rescue Peach, so I suggest you get used to rescuing yourself every morning and night, if you know what I mean… GWA HA HA!

Get it? I mean rescue yourself from sexual anxiety ‘cause Peach isn’t gonna be around to do it for you! She’s gonna be doing that for ME! GWA HA HA!

It’s even funnier because I’m playing on the idea of “rescuing”. You rescue Peach from danger, she probably rescues you from… you know… But this time…

Uh oh… …running out of room to write… I’ll just end this with the laugh.

GWA HA HA!

From the Illest of the Ill, the Baddest of the Bad, and the Evilest of the Evil,
King Bowser Koopa

Words could not describe how angry Mario was at that exact point in time. He crumpled the note in one hand, which lit ablaze and subsequently fried the letter.

Figuring there was nothing left to do, he jumped off the star-shaped field and ended up back in the castle courtyard. He had no leads on where Bowser could be right now, so he literally took a seat in the grass and pondered about who could help him at a time like this. He sat with his legs crossed at his palms resting on his knees, in an attempt to calm his rage so he could think clearly.

“Alright, time to calm down and think… Bowser couldn’t have gotten that far. He moves pretty slow and he’s not exactly inconspicuous, so someone had to have seen him pass by. But who…” Before he could even finish his thought, the answer hit him, causing him to jump up in excitement. “Yes! He could help me!”

Mario dashed toward the courtyard cannon and hopped in, preparing to blast off toward the roof of the castle. Carefully aiming himself, he shot himself to the top, and flawlessly landed right by the sleeping character he knew could help him.

“I knew it…” He mumbled in a low voice. “Hey, wake up!” Mario said, nudging the resting shoulder. “Yoshi! Wake up!”

With a groggy stir, Mario’s faithful companion, Yoshi, uncurled himself from his sleeping position and rose to his feet, stretching to wake his body up.

“I can’t believe you’re still here… After all this time! Don’t you ever go home?” Mario wondered.

“Yes, I head home from time to time… But I consider this my home away from home. I mean… it’s quiet, it’s peaceful, and I have a perfect view of the sunset… What more could I want?” Yoshi asked, raising his arms in question. “So… what can I do for you?”

“I need is some info. Bowser kidnapped Peach again and he’s probably manipulating her as we speak.” Just then, Mario let out a tired and disappointed sigh. “I really need to have a talk with her. We went over this a thousand times… How safe can you be when you have Toads, who happily fist themselves, guarding your castle?”

“They… fist… themselves?” Yoshi asked with a face screwed up in confusion, not knowing what Mario meant.

Back in the corner of Peach’s castle…

“Ugh… How does Mario expect me to… Wait… WAIT!!” A sickening squish was heard. “AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Returning to the roof…

“Don’t try to think about it…” Mario shook his head. “Anyway, I know you had to have seen something before you fell asleep.”

“As a matter of fact, I did. I actually saw Bowser flying into the sky in his Krazy Klown Kar just when I came to the roof. Later on, he jumped off and fell through a warp-pipe.” Yoshi recalled. “I didn’t think anything of it, though. I just figured he was taking it easy for once. I should’ve known better…”

“Do you remember where the pipe was?” Mario asked.

“Yes, indeed. Look straight ahead and turn about seventeen degrees eastward.” Yoshi instructed.

Mario just turned to Yoshi, giving him an annoyed look.

“Are you kidding me? You know I don’t have an innate sense of direction like you Yoshis do…” Mario muttered.

“A thousand pardons… Just follow the egg, then.” Yoshi said.

He then popped out an egg and grabbed it with his throwing arm. After a brisk wind up, he sent the egg flying towards the pipe he was talking about. It was roughly about three hundred yards south of the castle.

“What an arm…” Mario said in awe. “I’ve been wondering this for a long time now: how can you throw like that?”

“Well, it’s actually impossible to throw an egg that far. The only way to get it that far is to know the truth.” Yoshi explained.

“And the truth is…” Mario inquired.

“There is no egg.” Yoshi said and smiled.

“Alright… No more movies from Earth.” Mario replied. “Anyway, thanks for the info. I’m going to go home to prepare for the journey and set out tomorrow. You want to help me out? It’ll be like our first adventure together!”

“I would go, but I have to stay with that bratty kid of yours. Ever since I saved him from Baby Bowser, he’s been hanging on my tail and riding me every waking moment!” Yoshi said angrily.

“Oh yeah… My… son…” Mario stammered. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, me and Peach appreciate you watching him against your will. Just to let you know, you’ll be doing this for a loooooooooong time.” Mario said.

“Wait until I settle down with Birdo… You’ll see… I’ll be sure to send all of my children your way.” Yoshi vengefully promised.

“You know, Yoshi…” Mario began. “Birdo is a man… named Ostro. He has a serious case of gender confusion.”

“Those are rumors, Mario! Nothing but awful, awful rumors!” Yoshi grew offended, refusing to believe what Mario was saying.

“Okay…” Mario sighed, leaving it to Yoshi to find out the horrible truth on his own. “I’ll see you later.”

“Good luck!” Yoshi called out just as Mario jumped into the warp-pipe leading home.

Mario returned home almost within an instant. The sun was already setting before he jumped it. When he jumped out, the sun just sank below the horizon, leaving the sky a pretty shade of orange blending into dark-blue. The scene on the home-front seemed quiet enough. As he neared closer and closer to his front door, though, he noticed it was slightly opened.

“I know I locked the door before I left.” Mario said to himself as he cautiously entered his house.

It was eerily dark as he made his way past his living room. A strange, blue glow radiated on the hallway walls. He looked through the doorway and found the TV on at a low volume. Mario didn’t like what he saw on his screen, though.

“Toadettes Gone Wild?!” Mario gasped as he dove at the remote on the arm of his couch and shut off his television.

That’s when he heard heavy breathing. It was faint, but he could tell it was coming from upstairs. Briskly, but quietly, he made his way upstairs and followed the gradually loudening breaths to his bathroom. The door was closed, but by the glow of the light from under the door, he could tell someone was in there. Mario put his ear to the door and listened, hoping to figure out who this intruder was.

“Ooohhh yes... oooohhh yeah... ooohhh Mama Mia…” A familiar voice chanted from the other side of the door.

“Of course…” Mario sighed as he backed away from the door and assumed an attack position.

Suddenly, Mario kicked the door down and caught none other than his brother, Luigi Mario, with his pants down, literally. In one hand: Titillated Toadettes magazine. In the other… …that’ll be left to the imagination to decide…

“Luigi… How many times must I tell you not to watch your filthy porn here?! Huh? How many times?” Mario angrily demanded.

“Sorry… But it’s not like you were here this time…” Luigi muttered, pulling up his pants, extremely embarrassed.

“That’s not the point! This is my house! You broke in and left the door wide open! You know I can have you arrested?!” Mario shouted. “It’s bad enough Bowser kidnapped Peach again and the Toads didn’t do a damn thing about, as usual. You being here just makes my day worse.”

“Bowser got to Peach again? Unbelievable…” Luigi sighed, shaking his head.

“Is it really that hard to believe? What I find bewildering is that we’re still depending on them to keep the castle safe.” Mario said.

“That is incredibly amazing. You’d think we’d all know better by now… Well, we’ll fix that after we save Peach.” Luigi assured him.

“Wait, wait… Wait a second… We’ll? As in: we will? As in: you and I will? Think again, Mr. I-masturbate-in-my-brother’s-bathroom. I’m not working with you, again. No way. You cramp my style in ways impossible to imagine.” Mario said.

“Well, get over it! Whatever you say isn’t stopping me. I’m coming too, whether you like it or not.” Luigi shot back. “I’m tired of sitting around in that stupid mansion all day. There are still ghosts there! They used to be scary, but now they’re just annoying! I can’t watch my… tapes… over there because they always have some smart-alec side-comment! And I never have any privacy! They’re always watching me! ALWAYS!!” He emphasized. “I need a vacation from there in the worst way. Plus, my lady, Daisy, stopped visiting. You have no idea how boring it gets when no one comes to visit you…” He sighed.

“That reminds me… Daisy’s not really into you. She’s only going out with you as a favor. You see, that lumbering idiot, Donkey Kong, kidnapped her for no reason way back in the day when he was into kidnapping helpless females. It was probably because he could never get to Peach, since Bowser was always after her. I guess Daisy seemed like the next best thing.

“After I saved her, she was ready and willing to do anything I said. And I do mean anything.” Mario stressed. “But instead, I tried to get her interested in you, in hopes of helping you develop your own identity. Obviously, I have failed. I now know that you’ll always be my eternal understudy.” He stated glumly.

Luigi tried to think of some type of retribution statement, but nothing mean and malevolent enough came to mind. He simply clutched his fist and gritted his teeth, hoping and praying for the day he’d be able to prove Mario’s assumption of him dead-wrong.

“I am going to go home now.” Luigi said, controlling the deep anger he felt. He needed to leave before he did something he’d regret.

“Best news I heard all day.” Mario nodded, approvingly.

“Don’t think I won’t be back, though, because I shall return! Tomorrow, bright and early, we’re setting out to get Peach back. Be ready.” Luigi said and headed out of the house.

Mario waited until he heard his front door close.

“I won’t be here when you’re ready, you moron!” He shouted.

After preparing for bed, Mario headed toward his room and jumped under his covers, getting rested up for what he anticipated to be one hell of a day tomorrow.

“I don’t even know why I’m in bed so early. It’s only Bowser I’m dealing with. This’ll be just like every other episode I been through.” Mario thought to himself, aloud. “Eh, I’m tired anyway. A good night’s sleep should do me good.”

With that and the sound of his musical alarm clock softly chiming the Piranha Plant’s Lullaby, he dozed off and fell asleep. Little did he know that this trip to save Peach from Bowser’s clutches would be nothing like any adventure he had ever gone on, before…

[ZeekeXIV]

Act 2: And History Repeats Itself

In the legendary land of Hyrule, there was a legendary tale passed down from generation to generation. This was the tale of the Hero of Time, Link, and how he saved Hyrule and the Princess of Destiny, Zelda, from the tyrannical rule of the King of Evil, Ganondorf.

What the legend never spoke of was how Link, Zelda, and Ganondorf all became friends after the events of Ocarina of Time.

During one of the majestically beautiful days in Hyrule, in the courtyard of the grandiose palace, Link and Ganondorf reminisced about their past. Of course, since both of them were incredibly egotistical, their conflicting views dead-locked them into an unending argument.

“But seriously, G-dorf, I was the freakin’ man! In fact, I still am! You know it. I know it. Zelda knows it. All of Hyrule knows it. The list just goes on!” Link boasted, cockily.

“Oh, word?” Ganondorf said, letting Link’s head inflate to epic proportions just so he could have the sole satisfaction of popping it.

“Damn-straight, ‘word’! You can’t deny me! You know I coulda taken you out as a kid, but I decided to let you live. It’d mean more if I faced you man-to-man, know what I mean?” Link continued.

“My man, please… Yo’ ass wouldn’t las’ two seconds against me if you tried that shit. Remember when I blasted you after I asked you where Zelda was? Yo’ ass flew back ten feet and you screamed like a lil’ bitch!” Ganondorf recalled, chuckling. “Even when you ‘grew up’, you was still too wack to test my skills. You know godamn-well you woulda never touched me if it weren’t for those godamn Light arrows and that lil’ bitch, Navi. And even then, you still couldn’t do the damn thing by yo’self! Zelda had to hold me down so you could finish the job!”

“Bullshit! I can murk you easily without any of that!” Link shot back.

“But you still need a f**kin’ army-load of weapons to take me down!” Ganondorf reminded. “Seriously dawg… a Megaton Hammer? A Hookshot? F**kin’ Deku nuts?! You’re nothin’ wit’out all that shit! I’ma say it again properly: You are nothing without your weapons. I don’t need any of that shit! All I need is my sword and my transformation. And even those shits are unnecessary. It’s all me, baby.”

“Alright, G-dorf, I got you. We’re gonna do this! Me vs. you. Sword-to-sword and nothin’ else.” Link said. “I’ma show you you’re jus’ talkin’ out your ass, as usual. You can’t touch me! I’m the Hero of Time!” He announced as his fanfare, the beginning theme from A Link to the Past, blared throughout the courtyard.

“Are you kiddin’ me? Who the f**k you tryin’ to impress wit’ that ‘Hero of Time’ bullshit?” Ganondorf demanded. “Seriously, kid. You’re nothin’! Inside that body is the mind of a sorry-ass punk bitch who can’t fight for shit. The only reason yo’ ass ain’t hiding under yo’ momma’s dress is because she and her weak-ass attire are six feet under my boots.”

Link was shocked by those words. He thought this was a relatively friendly rivalry. But with that blatantly hate-filled insult, Ganondorf took it too far.

Blind with rage, Link unsheathed his sword and charged at an unarmed Ganondorf. At this point, he didn’t care if Ganondorf was defenseless. Link was aiming for his head.

Unfortunately for Link, Ganondorf was never defenseless. Reading Link’s moves like a children’s book, Ganondorf inconspicuously powered up a Warlock Punch. Just when Link was within prime hacking range, Ganondorf released all his energy into his right arm and sent it careening into Link’s gut.

“HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!” Ganondorf screamed, connecting flawlessly with Link’s midsection.

Ganondorf’s fist literally got buried in Link’s stomach. It hit so hard that the outline of his fist actually could be seen through Link’s back. Then, in an explosive purple blaze of dark energy, Link was sent flying out of the courtyard, soaring through the air toward his home back in Kokiri Forest.

Link crashed through the roof of his home and broke through a table. He was incredible pain, as the wooden table he landed on didn’t provide much cushioning, not to mention he was still reeling from the pain of that punch to the abdomen.

“Ugh… I can’t believe he said that…” Link groaned, attempting to rise from under the rubble that used to be his table, but winced at his blinding pain and stayed put, closing his eyes.

What if he’s right, Link suddenly thought to himself. What if I never had any help? Would I have been able to win?

Just as suddenly as his self-doubting thoughts began, he opened his eyes and sprung up into a sitting position.

“What the hell am I thinkin’? The gods wouldn’t let me go out like that!” Link confidently stated. “Whatever hand I was dealt, I woulda won somehow. The same shit applies now! I’ma head back over there and show Ganondorf just who the hell I am!”

After digging himself out of the mess he made and stretching the pain away as best as he could, he made his way out of the house. Just as he stepped onto the balcony, he noticed the Sage of the Forest, Saria, running toward the ladder leading to his front door.

“Link! You're back!” She sang, happily. “Did you miss me?”

“Hell no!” Link stated, climbing down the ladder to Saria’s level. “The only reason I’m here is because me and Ganondorf got into some confrontations and he sent me flyin’ over here. He thinks he’s so great… We’ll see how great he is when he feels my left-right combo.” He said, fiercely punching the air.

He was unfortunately reminded of his unbearable pain when he dealt a hard left jab.

“Aww… aww… damnit… I shouldn’t have done that…” Link groaned, holding his back and screwing up his face in agony.

“Just take it easy, Linky. Saria will make it all better.” Saria cooed as she sat Link down and began to massage Link’s aching back.

Link thought about protesting, but let it ride. He was in pain but the motions were feeling pretty good right about now. He was actually forgetting about his pain as he began to relax a little.

Sensing Link’s relaxation, Saria slowly moved her hands down Link’s back, and eased her way around his lower back to his stomach to rub his belly. Feeling no resistance, Saria decided to move even further down, slowly inching her way toward Link’s pride and joy.

And that’s when Link reacted, promptly sending an elbow to Saria’s forehead and jumping to his feet.

“OW!! What are you? Gay?! I was trying to help you forget about the pain!” Saria shouted, rubbing her pained forehead.

“This is exactly why I’m never here! Your little ass is always hungry for sex and I want no part of it! What the hell is your deal? You’re twelve years old!” Link shouted.

“I’m not a kid! I’m a lot older than you think! I’m sure I’m way older than your girlfriend, Zelda! Believe me on that!” Saria shot back.

“I don’t give three damns! In my eyes, you’re just a horny-ass little girl that somehow became the Sage of the Forest.” Link said.

“If that’s what you want to think, then fine! Be that way! Mido is more of a man than you’ll ever be, anyway! I know he’ll treat me like a woman.” She said as she merrily skipped over to Mido.

“I’m definitely never comin’ back here again…” Link muttered. “Whatever. It’s time show Ganondorf what’s really good.” He headed toward the exit leading to Hyrule Field.

When he entered the field, he immediately noticed the blackened sky and the woeing thunder clamoring in the heavens. The air also felt colder as a chilling breeze ruled the winds. It was as if the land was saying grimness is afoot.

“This better not mean what I think it means…” Link hoped.

He then pulled out his invaluable Ocarina of Time and played a tune that was carried by the winds far and wide: Epona’s Song. A strong neighing was heard in the distance and within seconds, Link’s trusted steed, Epona, galloped beside him and came to a stop. Link climbed onto Epona’s back and motioned her to gallop toward Hyrule Castle.

His worst fears turned into a reality as he neared the castle grounds. The closer he got, the darker the sky became, and the more extravagant the thunder and lighting grew. Epona continued to gallop past the castle walls and through the once-lively Hyrule Castle Town.

“Whoa, Epona!” Link commanded as he slowed her to a stop, studying the castle that lied before them.

What was once a lovely and majestic castle was now a dark, intimidating, and deliciously evil-looking fortress. It floated on a single plot of land over a deep, boiling pit of lava.

“…and history repeats itself…” Link muttered, his face slowly becoming more and more twisted with anger.

He dismounted his trusted steed and crossed the bridge of dark energy into the fortress. There were no obstacles to overcome as Link easily ran through to the main pillar of the fortress and traveled up the twisting stairs into the throne room where he knew Ganondorf waited.

Just as he thought, Ganondorf was there. He was standing over a black organ and was playing an amazingly grim tune. After letting the final note drown out, he spun around and glared at Link, though wearing a devious smirk. Link stared back with equal intensity and a face of determination absent of any smiles.

“What the hell are you doin’, Ganondorf?” Link demanded. “You know this isn’t the way I wanted to settle this! Damnit, man, I didn’t even want to get into this at all! I wasn’t serious! I thought we were shit-talkin’ as usual! The only reason I charged you was because you said somethin’ real eff’d up about my mom, and I know you weren’t jokin’ around.”

Ganondorf only shook his head, disappointed. “You really are nothin’ but a bitch.” He taunted. “Listen to you: tryin’ to find a way outta this fight by talkin’ that weak shit. I know you weren’t serious. But I wanted to make it serious. You singin’ all that bullshit about way back when was pissin’ me off. You need to understand that yo’ nothin’ but a punk-ass bitch, son, not that ‘Hero of Time’ you have wet dreams about. I’ma show you, right now, what woulda happened if you were on your own.”

Just then, the skies outside of the castle somehow managed to grow even darker than before as Ganondorf held up his right fist. His piece of the Triforce, the Triforce of Power, pulsed a golden glow. Slowly, he grew bigger and took the form of a monstrous beast. His face grew out of proportion, changing its form into that of a mutated warthog. His hair also grew out long and fiery orange, resting on his bulging, muscled shoulders. Not only were his shoulders muscled, but the rest of his body grew to incredible proportions; particularly his arms and legs. In each hand, he held a devastating golden-bladed sword.

“No… Ganon… versus me with no Light arrows…” Link sighed as he unsheathed his Master Sword and attempted a defensive stance behind his shield.

“YOU THINK THAT TIRED-ASS SHIELD IS GONNA SAVE YOU?! HOLD THIS!” Ganon roared and swung viciously at Link.

With a heavy clang, Link was sent spiraling into one of the hard stone walls. He literally bounced off and landed with a thud into his stomach. This reawakened the searing pain in his gut and he stayed grounded.

“Godamnit… My stomach…” He complained, clutching his belly and agonizingly rolling to his back. “I’m gonna get killed if I don’t get outta here…” He slowly reached into his inventory and took out his ocarina.

“THAT’S RIGHT, BITCH! RUN! RUN BEFORE YO’ WEAK-ASS GETS KILLED!” Ganon taunted as he emitted a booming laugh.

Suddenly, a deep rumbling shook the floor beneath them. Link just lied there, letting himself get shaken relentlessly. Ganon, on the other hand, struggled to keep his balance. Link managed to rise to one knee to look at Ganon. He actually looked like he didn’t know what was going on.

Finally, the rumbling stopped, and a red warp-pipe exploded from the ground. And from that pipe jumped another figure: a large-framed figure, nearly as tall as Ganon and definitely wider, but not as powerful. He landed, shaking the ground and holding a large brown sack over his shoulder.

“Bowser’s in the house!” Bowser announced, holding a fist of triumph in the air.

“IT’S ABOUT TIME YO’ HEAVY-ASS GOT HERE!” Ganon shouted.

“Hey, it ain’t easy getting to Hyrule by warp-pipe! I got lost a couple of times…” Bowser admitted.

“WHATEVER! I GOT ZELDA LOCKED UP IN THE TOWER! YOU DEFINITELY GOT PEACH, RIGHT?!” Ganon screamed.

“Do you know who I am? It’s in the bag!” Bowser replied.

He threw the large bag onto the ground. Loud shrieks were heard sounding off from the inside. Without a doubt, it was Peach on the inside. Ganon and Link looked at each other disappointedly.

“Wow, B-Boss… Jus’… wow… BUT GOOD SHIT, SON! IT’S ON, BABY!” Ganon bellowed exuberantly as thunder and lightning went off with extravagant force.

“Don’t rule me out just yet!” Link exclaimed, jumping up to his feet, but slightly wincing from the pain. He then whipped out his bow and arrow and armed the arrow with a grand Super Bomb. He aimed it at Ganon and Bowser, alternately. “It’s about as on as an unplugged lightbulb! Pass Peach and Zelda before I get serious.”

Bowser and Ganon glanced at each other briefly. Suddenly, they burst out laughing, giving each other a pound as if they accomplished something.

“‘Before he gets serious’, he says! With medieval weapons!” Bowser couldn’t talk much without bursting into laughs, holding one hand over his stomach and having the other wipe a stray tear from his eye. “You gotta be kidding me!”

“I kid you not! I won’t hesitate to set it off if you don’t hand ‘em over!” Link threatened.

Without even saying anything, Bowser spit flames at Link’s bow and arrow. Everything but the bomb disintegrated on contact. The Super Bomb was left to drop to the floor and hit the ground with a hard “thunk”. Immediately, the bomb detonated with colossal force right at Link’s feet. The blast blew him straight up into the sky, soaring into the troposphere and out of sight.

Ganon walked up beside Bowser and patted him on the shoulder, approvingly.

“What a punk…” Bowser sighed.

“THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TALK GREEZY AND CAN’T BACK YOUR WORDS UP!” Ganon stated. “THAT MOFO DOESN’T KNOW WHEN TO STAY ON THE LOW, THOUGH. HE’LL BE BACK TO START SOME SHIT AGAIN!”

“I wouldn’t have expected less. I’m positive that Mario will find a way here, too. You know, if they team up, we might be in for some turbulence.” Bowser realized.

“THAT’S NOT EVEN AN ISSUE, SON! WIT’ ME IN THIS FORM, NEITHER OF THEM CAN DO A DAMN THING! IT’LL BE LIKE I’M AN EARTHQUAKE AND THEY’RE STANDIN’ ON THE FAULT LINE: GUARANTEED CASUALTIES!” Ganon claimed in an unbearably loud roar.

Bowser could only cover his ears to try to drown out the earsplitting noise, but that barely did a thing.

“We’re gonna be spending a lot of time together… I hope you’re not planning on staying like that for the entire time. I’m seriously gonna go deaf, hanging with you.” Bowser said with his hands over his ears.

“NAH! I’M ‘BOUT TO CHANGE--” Ganon started.

“Ganondorf, seriously!” Bowser interrupted, trying to shout over the booming roar.

“MY BAD! My bad.” Ganon apologized as he transformed back into Ganondorf.

“Thank you, God… Urrgh… My ears are still ringing.” Bowser groaned, holding a hand over his ear like he was in pain. “I know what’ll fix it up, though: Zelda and Peach screaming in terror. I’m telling you: there’s nothing like hearing a helpless dame crying for help.” He admitted, grabbing the bag Peach was still in and smiled as muffled, terrified cries rang broke through the cloth.

“I hear that, man. Let’s get this party started!” Ganondorf suggested as he led the way to the tower where Zelda was being held captive.

Meanwhile…

Link was just beginning his decent toward the ground. As he bulleted toward the floor, he recognized the terrain below him.

“Lake Hylia!” Link exclaimed. “At least the landin’ won’t be so bad. Water is better than the ground.”

As he fell closer and closer to the ground, he noticed that there was a serious lack of water in the Lake Hylia area. Suddenly, he remembered that the last time Ganondorf took over Hyrule, Lake Hylia was emptied out. Since he was mimicking the same events, Lake Hylia was once again devoid of almost all H2O.

“This does not bode well…” Link muttered.

Seconds later, he slammed into the ground with the enough force to crack three three-foot thick slabs of concrete three times. Somehow, he was still alive, even after the impact of the landing. The saddest part was that he landed right near the entrance of the Water Temple, which was preceded by a deep pool of water. Link simply looked to his side and uttered a laughably weak giggle.

“Whoooooa, there goes my consciousness…” Link noticed as his vision began to get progressively blurry and dark. “Hopefully, things start lookin’ up when I come back to life…”

And with that thought, Link passed out. He had no idea just what he’d be getting into after he regained his consciousness, though…

[ZeekeXIV]

Act 3: Don’t Lose Your Head Over It…

The crack of dawn.

That’s the time Luigi arrived at Mario’s front door, ready to scour every necessary they had to travel in order to track down Bowser and save Peach. Luigi wasn’t typically interested in going on long, strenuous journeys, but this time around, he had something to prove. He wanted to show everyone that he wasn’t just Mario’s useless shadow. He wanted to prove that he could hold his own and do anything just as well as his older, more recognized brother could. In fact, he planned on doing things better than Mario could ever dream of.

Luigi reached out and pushed the doorbell. The familiar chime of their theme song rang as he waited for an answer. A few seconds passed by.

No answer…

Figuring Mario was still asleep, Luigi decided to give the bell another ring. He waited another few seconds.

Still no answer…

Luigi rang the doorbell once again, growing slightly frustrated.

“Hey, Mario! It’s time to go!” Luigi shouted, knocking at the door as well while another few seconds went by.

There was still no answer…

“Come on, Mario, wake up! We have to save Peach! Don’t make me come up there!” Luigi threatened, thoroughly aggravated and repeatedly pressing the doorbell in hopes of waking his brother up.

And there was still no answer.

“BAH!!” Luigi literally broke down the door with a smash-headbutt and stormed up the stairs, straight to his slumbering sibling’s room.

Right when he reached the closed door of his brother’s room, he found a letter pinned right in the middle of the door. Luigi picked it off and read it back to himself.

Dear Retarded Brother of Mine,

I really meant it when I said I refuse to work with you. By the time you read this, I will have already gone down the warp-pipe and have sealed the entrance so your stupid ass doesn’t follow me.

Say ‘hi’ to Big Boo for me when you get home.

The One Who Will Always be Superior to You,
Mario

Luigi’s eyes narrowed in anger as he glared at the note in his hands.

“What a…” Luigi couldn’t even think of a negative-enough noun to complete his though. “I can’t believe he’d just ditch me like that! I can’t even chase after him because I don’t know where he is! But that’ll be only temporary…” He suddenly unveiled a pair of futuristic binoculars. “Ha ha! With E. Gadd’s Super-Incredible Scanning Binoculars, there’s nothing I can’t find!”

Heading up to the dusty attic of Mario’s home and leaning out the window with his binoculars in hand, Luigi scanned the area, hoping Mario hadn’t gotten too far. He met with success in seconds, just as he predicted. Luigi viewed Mario right at the entrance of a yellow warp-pipe, just about ready to jump in.

Alright, I think this is the pipe Yoshi was talking about, Mario thought to himself.

Mario effortlessly hopped over the rim of the warp-pipe and was just about to fall in. Without warning, however, he was belly-bumped out of the way, in mid-air, by a yellow and purple blob.

Mario landed unbalanced on his feet and fell backward. The figure that knocked him off course landed in front of him with a devious smile plastered on his face. Immediately, Mario recognized him, frowning angrily.

He sported a similar style in clothing as Mario did: heavy denim overalls, a moderately thick undershirt, white gloves, a hat, and boots. This is where the similarities stopped, however. Mario’s adversary had purple overalls where Mario’s were blue, a yellow undershirt and hat with a turquoise “W” to match, which contrasted Mario’s red gear and red “M”, and wore dark green, pointed shoes instead of Mario’s brown, leather work boots. He was also at least twice as wide as Mario and constantly wore a wide, tooth-bearing smile on his face.

“Of all the times to show up, Wario… Of all the possible times in any given day… Why today and why now?” Mario demanded, rising to his feet and glaring intensely at his twisted knockoff.

“Bowser paid me some serious gold to make sure you don’t follow him. I’m here to guarantee you stay home, crying with broken legs.” Wario threatened, his sneer somehow growing wider.

“Wario…” Luigi growled, still in the attic, observing their confrontation through his binoculars. Mario might be held up for a while, but I know he won’t have too much trouble with him. If I don’t get there soon, Mario’s going to leave without me!

He put away his pair of binoculars and began charging up for a move he perfected for the Super Smash Brothers Melee tournaments: the Green Missile. After carefully aiming where Mario and Wario stood off and charging it for about five seconds, he was finally ready for launch.

“It’s Luigi-time!” Luigi exclaimed as he released the energy within him and blasted off.

Unfortunately, he flew a laughably poor distance, barely making it over the awning above Mario’s front door.

“Aww, come on!” He screamed, annoyed, as he ran back up to the attic, charged another missile, and launched himself again.

Luigi just made it past the front doorstep this time…

“ARRRGH!! I can really use that misfire right now!” He groaned as he kept on trying.

Meanwhile…

Mario and Wario had begun trading blows; dishing out every little trick they knew. Panting hard, Wario made the next move with a destructive shoulder-charging attack. Reacting without hesitation, Mario whipped out his cape and smacked his charging opponent with it, forcing him to run in the opposite direction. Taking advantage of the situation, Mario followed up by throwing several fireballs at an unsuspecting Wario.

Little did Mario know that Wario saved his trump card for this particular moment…

Acting like he was cowering in fear, Wario bent over and covered his head. But right when the fireballs were in proximity of his gargantuan and disgusting glutious-maximus, Wario let out a long, overly-flatulent release of suffocating gas. The moment the fireballs hit the gas barrier, it ignited an incredible explosion, rivaling the force of a searing napalm blast! Overwhelmed by the power of the detonation, Mario was knocked hard onto his back. Wario rose to his feet and laughed at his downed opponent.

“WAAAH HA HAAA!!! You never saw that one coming, did you?!” Wario taunted, grabbing Mario by the collar and lifting him helplessly in the air. “Now to show you why Wario is number one!”

Before that happened…

“Come ON!!” Luigi screamed in frustration as he tried yet again for a misfire.

And just like the first twenty times, he met with embarrassing failure. The best distance he had gotten all this time was about four feet away from the fence guarding Mario’s mushroom garden.

“GRRR!! If I started walking, I would’ve been there by now!” Luigi realized, letting out a defeated shout of anguish and kicking the ground in anger.

He was just about to give up until he felt an explosion rock the environment.

“Whoa! …sounded like someone threw a match in a broken gas-pipe.” Right when Luigi said that, he felt a lightbulb click on in his head. “GAS!! It’s just crazy enough to work!”

Luigi jetted toward Mario’s garage and found a half-filled canteen of premium gasoline. Without hesitation, he chugged every last drop and headed back to the window in the attic. He set up one last charge and hoped for the best. With a small explosion, Luigi was sent blazing through the window and toward his destination.

“AT LAST!! A MISFIRE!! WOOOOOO-HOOOOOO!!” Luigi hooted as he flew towards the warp-pipe where…

Wario had just jumped into the air to administer the crippling Spinning Piledriver to a very helpless Mario. Once he reached his apex, Wario began the spinning portion of the move, descending speedily toward the ground in a downward spiral. If this connected, Mario’s quest would be over before it even started.

But mere seconds before they hit the ground…

BOOM, BABY!!

Luigi crashed directly into Wario. At the exact moment of impact, Wario released his grasp on Mario and dropped him. Mario was able to flip right-side up and land safely on his own two feet. Wario, however, was set ablaze and sent flying into oblivion at otherwise unattainable speeds.

With an acrobatic flip, Luigi landed on his right foot and left knee, then rose to both feet and smiled at his brother.

“So did I cramp your style? Or was getting beaten up by Wario part of your image?” Luigi sarcastically wondered with a vengeful smirk.

“Please… I just got caught by surprise.” Mario said, trying to play off his near-defeat. “I didn’t expect Wario to fart and cause overwhelming explosions, and I doubt you would’ve either, so you tell me how you’d react.”

“Alright, fine. Whatever you say, Mario.” Luigi smiled.

Luigi couldn’t think of a time he felt greater than he did at that moment. Probably for the first time ever in his life, he felt like the superior brother. He wanted nothing more than to just stand there all day and rub his victory in Mario’s face. Well… he wanted that and a camera: just to take a snapshot of Mario’s priceless defeated expression. Deciding it was better to ignore his spiteful impulses rather than indulge them, he made his way toward the warp-pipe.

“Well, since I’m here, shall we get moving?” Luigi said and jumped into the pipe.

Hesitating, Mario took a quick glance around the area, hoping to find another warp-pipe so he could avoid traveling with his younger brother. But alas, this was the only one for miles…

“Ugh…” Mario muttered as he reluctantly jumped into the yellow warp-pipe after his brother.

After a short while, both brothers appeared on the other side of the pipe. They expected to still be somewhere in their native land, at least. To their surprise, however, they ended up in a completely different planet! Well… not completely different. There was still a brilliantly bright sun warmly smiling upon the land, there was still a pure blue sky stretching on as far as the eye could see, and in the distance there was still a magnificent blue ocean.

What made them automatically know they weren’t anywhere familiar, though, was the atmosphere. They couldn’t quite explain how their surroundings felt to them. It was just a feeling in the air, making them feel alienated and unwelcome despite the inviting environment.

“Ummm… Where are we?” Luigi questioned, checking his surroundings.

“I never thought warp-pipes could take us this far… We’re a long way from home.” Mario pointed out.

“How do you know?” Luigi wondered, not quite believing his brother.

“Trust me, I’ve been a few places in my day.” Mario assured. “This is the Green Hill Zone: home of Sonic the Hedgehog.”

“I remember him…” Luigi said. “Hey… Do you think he could be in cahoots with Bowser? They both share a common enemy in you.”

“It’s possible, but I can’t imagine it. They’re on two completely different sides of the spectrum when it comes to hating me.” Mario said.

“Hmmm…” Luigi still suspected a possible collaboration between the two.

“Anyway, I think we should leave here, post-haste. It’s not just Sonic that can’t stand me: I’m public enemy number one over here. And believe it or not, you’re number two.” Mario added.

Luigi’s eyes widened in shock. “WHAT?!! Why?! I never did anything to anyone! I don’t even know anyone here!”

“Hey, don’t lose your head over it. There’s nothing you can do about it. They just hate anyone who’s in any way, shape, or form, related to me. Unfortunately, you just-so-happen to be my brother. Sorry…” Mario shrugged. “Anyway, let’s get going before someone catches us here. Remember that fork in the pipe we saw on the way here? Let’s take the right-side this… time…”

Mario trailed off in his sentence when he noticed a blazingly quick blue blur running circles around him and Luigi. Just as quickly as it was noticed, the blur then smashed right into the preoccupied brothers, knocking them flat on their backs. The blur finally stopped running and stood over the floored brothers, staring at them with malicious intent.

“Sonic…” Mario growled as he sat up and tried to keep a defensive stance on the ground.

“What are you doing here?” Sonic spat.

Mario rose to his feet, defensively. “Trust me; we’re not here on vacation or anything. You think I’d consider this hell-hole a resort? We took a wrong turn in a warp-pipe and ended up here by accident. I didn’t even know warp-pipes could take you this far.”

“Don’t give me that crap!” Sonic shouted. “We’ve been at each other’s throats for a long time now. You think I’m stupid enough to actually think you tripped into a warp-pipe and magically appeared here? There’s no way a warp-pipe could bring you here!”

“Take a look over there.” Luigi pointed out to Sonic.

Lo and behold, there was a yellow warp-pipe sticking out of the ground. Sonic was stunned, but didn’t show any outward signs. He kept his composure, still wearing that menacing grill.

“Forget about that for now.” Luigi continued. “I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but I know the truth!” He claimed, pointing an accusing finger right at Sonic’s forehead.

“What are you talking about?” Sonic wondered.

“Don’t feign ignorance with me!” Luigi accused, heatedly hopping to his feet. “You and Bowser are in on this together! Now bring us to wherever you two are keeping Peach or I will immediately… umm… show you… errmmm…” He paused. He was having a hard time thinking of a closing threat.

NO! I’m on a roll! I can’t stop now! I have him right where I want him! The sooner I can think of a great finisher, the sooner we can save Peach! Think, Luigi! THINK!!

“I’ll… immediately… …show… you… umm… …how to… cry! Oh yeah, that’s the ticket.” Luigi said with a sly look of satisfaction on his face and slickly holding the straps of his overalls with his thumbs.

Sonic just stood by with a stupefied look engraved on his face, occasionally looking over to Mario as if to ask “is he serious?”

“Wow, Luigi…” Mario groaned, stunned by Luigi impressive knack for being non-threatening. “From now on, I’ll do the intimidating. You just sit idly by, trying to look tough.”

“Let me get this straight… You think I would work with Bowser?” Sonic questioned, obviously shocked by Luigi’s accusations. “I wouldn’t be caught dead working with that loser! I guarantee it, or my name isn’t Sonic the Hedgehog!” He enthusiastically stated, doing some type of jig and ending it with a “cool” pose: sticking up his pointer finger and waving it from side to side.

Suddenly, music started playing: some type of synthesizer accompanied by a drum, to keep the rhythm on beat. Then, the words to Sonic’s theme song from his old Sonic the Hedgehog show began blaring throughout the environment at full volume.

Blue streak! Speeds by…
Sonic the Hedgehog!
Too fast! For the naked eye…
Sonic the Hedgehog!
Sonic!
He can really move!
Sonic!
He's got an ATTITUDE!
Sonic!
He is the FAST-EST thing a-liiive!

“Oh… my… God… I can’t BELIEVE this…” Mario groaned, utterly floored by the brutal banality of Sonic’s anthem. “And what the hell are you two doing?!”

With those words, the music cut itself off, abruptly. Luigi and Sonic found themselves, inexplicably, in each other’s arms. Immediately putting an end to their rhythm-less dancing, they exchanged unsure glances and slowly backed away from each other.

“That, right there, is the reason you’ll never be as famous as me, Sonic.” Mario stated. “Did you ever listen to the words of that song? In fact, why do you have words in your theme song, anyway?! A real theme song doesn’t need some ultimately worthless words to let people know what you’re all about! What are you trying to do: remind everyone of what makes you Sonic? That’s pitiful! When people hear my song, they automatically know what I’m all about! Keep that garbage up and someone will steal your spotlight. No, no, too late. I hear Shadow is much more popular than you these days.”

“That’s a lie and you know it!” Sonic yelled, getting especially heated at the mention of his dark antithesis. “I’ll show you what I’m all about!”

Sensing the inevitable battle, Mario could only put up his dukes.

Sonic curled up into a ball and spun, emitting a strong whirring sound. At a high velocity, he charged at Mario with his patented Spinball Dash. Mario skillfully countered with a ball of his own: an explosive fireball sourced from the palm of his hand. Sonic was hit hard and flew backward from the impact while Mario pursued, trying to finish off his blue adversary quickly.

Sonic suddenly recovered during mid-flight and flew back at the jumping Mario with a blazing Homing Attack. He collided with Mario’s face, knocking him out of the air. As Mario fell, Sonic closed in and opted for another Homing Attack. Just before he could make contact, Mario reacted with a Mario Tornado, sucking in Sonic and engulfing him in a torrent of quick but effective punches to any open spot. The final hit knocked Sonic helplessly into the air.

Figuring this was the perfect time for one of his favorite moves, Mario jumped after the floating blue hedgehog and attacked him with a painful aerial uppercut best known as the Super Jump Punch. With each hit Mario landed, a generous amount of coins materialized and rained down to the ground below them. Just as Mario landed from his aerial onslaught, he noticed Luigi scrambling to collect as many of the scattered coins as he could.

“How petty…” Mario let out a sigh of disapproval as he refocused on Sonic, who just fell to the ground, on his back.

Mario then charged at the grounded Sonic, but skidded to a halt when Sonic frog-hopped to his feet. With him in his sights, Sonic turned on the afterburners and jetted toward Mario at full speed. Anticipating Sonic to run right into his attack, Mario ducked into a position to deliver a break-dance smash and let it off right when he came close enough. He hit nothing but empty space, though. In a sudden display of agility, Sonic flipped over Mario’s head and threw out his limbs as if he was releasing a burst of energy.

“SONIC WIND!” Sonic screamed with his arms and legs fully outstretched.

He did release a burst of energy! A blue vortex radiated from Sonic’s body and fell right on top of Mario, plunging him into a world of hurt. The swirling, gusting wind threatened to rip Mario to shreds, sending wave after wave of unbearable pain through his body.

The tornado finally subsided, carelessly dumping Mario on the floor in a beaten and battered heap on the ground. Sonic easily walked up to his downed opponent and prepared to deal his finishing move. Placing his hands right on Mario’s chest, Sonic closed his eyes as if he was concentrating on something. His hands began to glow a bright yellow. Suddenly, with a “poof”, Mario disappeared. In his stead, there was a red ball with an “M” on the face. Mario had just been finished by Sonic’s Magic Hands attack from Sonic Adventure 2. Sonic began laughing victoriously as he threw the ball up in the air and caught it in one hand.

“I hope you didn’t expect to win! There was no way I was gonna lose to you! Now you get to enjoy your new life as a toy in Chao Kindergarten!” Sonic said, beginning to walk off.

“Hey, Sonic! Don’t forget about me!” Luigi exclaimed, charging at Sonic at full speed.

“You’re still here? I don’t have time to deal--” Sonic started, but was never able to complete his sentence

While he was talking, he turned around. Luigi suddenly appeared right in his face, in prime position to deliver his own modified version of the Super Jump Punch.

“SHORYUU-KEN!!” Luigi shouted as he dealt Sonic a detrimentally powerful uppercut.

The punch ignited Sonic, sending him into the stratosphere at lightning speeds. Sonic also dropped the Mario ball he had just created. As soon as the ball hit the ground, it popped like a balloon. Out of nowhere, Mario reappeared, still in pain and looking too confused for words to describe.

“Luigi: 2. Bad guys: 0. Mario: -1.” Luigi announced with a triumphant grin.

“How do I have negative…?” Mario trailed off in his confusion. “You know what? I don’t even care. Let’s just get the hell out of here.”

“As soon as you admit that you needed me.” Luigi said, blocking the way.

“Fine! I’ll admit it! You’re the greatest Mario brother ever! I’m nothing, compared to you!” Mario sarcastically shouted, pushing past his brother. “I’ll deal with your ego-trips later. Let’s just get back to that warp-pipe before something else happens.”

They headed toward the pipe. Mario hurriedly jumped in first, leaving Luigi to tail him. Before Luigi jumped into the warp-pipe, he noticed the entire sky flash a tinge of gold. It seemed to come from behind him. Luigi turned around and searched the sky. A twinkle appeared and a seemingly celestial body bulleted toward the earth.

Luigi was in awe. The figure was engulfed in a golden flame, with a sort of comet tail trailing behind him. The more he studied it, the more it seemed like it was on a crash-course collision with him.

Finally, the body was close enough for Luigi to recognize. To his incredible horror, it was a very irate Sonic engulfed in those golden flames, as he had attained his super form. His eyes glowed an icy blue as he voraciously bulleted toward a stunned Luigi.

“Oh my god!! NOOOOOOO!!!” Luigi screamed.

He attempted to dive to the floor, in hopes of avoiding the impossibly speedy Sonic. Sadly, Luigi poorly underestimated Sonic’s speed in this form and wasn’t even able to bend his legs. Sonic swooped down and literally claimed Luigi’s crown, knocking it clean off his shoulders at an amazing speed. It splattered against the base of the warp-pipe, sending a hard quake through its foundation.

”What was that?” Mario said from within the warp-pipe, feeling the vibration. “…where’s Luigi?!”

Mario jumped back up to the surface to check the situation. Everything seemed normal enough. …until he tripped over Luigi’s decapitated body, that is…

Struck with unspeakable terror, Mario knelt down and touched the body. He was beside himself in disbelief. He was praying this was a sick, cruel joke. Reality ripped out his heart and stomped on it, though, when he saw the graphic bloodstain on the base of the warp-pipe. He shakily walked up to the mess and wiped a lone finger across the blood. He gazed at the stain on his finger. This was as real as it got. This was heart-wrenching verification that his brother had been viciously and mercilessly murdered.

“NOOOO!!!” Mario bellowed at the sky with tightly clenched fists, tears streaming out of his eyes and down his cheeks.

Just then, he caught a glimpse of the golden Super Sonic circling the sky, like a hawk stalking its prey. Upon the sight, Mario’s sadness turned into an uncontrollable rage.

“YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!!! YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!!! You killed him…” Mario trailed off, the sadness gripping his heart once again.

This was only temporary, as he noticed Sonic begin his rapid decent, planning on claiming Mario’s head as well.

Mario wasn’t having that. He waited right in front of the warp-pipe, counting down the moment Sonic would be close enough for him to act. With pinpoint precision, Mario backflipped right over Sonic when he made the swoop. Not expecting that sudden move, Sonic slammed straight into the iron-hard, steel base of the warp-pipe, knocking himself unconscious and reverting back to his normal, blue self.

Mario couldn’t be happier with this result as he thought of what to do next after he landed. Unfortunately for him, he put too much spring in his jump, launching himself right back into the warp-pipe. As soon as fell through the opening, the warp-pipe lowered itself into the ground, sealing the entrance back to Green Hill Zone.

A few seconds later, Mario was spit out into another foreign land. The renegade yellow pipe promptly vanished into the ground as soon as he hit the floor. Tenderly rising up to his feet, he dusted himself off and looked around. He seemed to have ended up in the middle of a dried-up lake. Instead of finding himself under a bright, blue sky and brilliant sun this time, nothing but a clamoring thunderstorm shook the heavens.

The grim look of the environment suddenly reminded Mario of his lost brother.

I tried as hard as I could to keep him out of my hair… I even wrote him a note telling him to go home… Why didn’t he listen? He’d still be alright if he just stayed back. But if he stayed home… what would’ve happened to me? He saved me twice: once from death, and once from a fate worse than death. Twice he saved my life. Two times. And I couldn’t even help him once… Tears began to welled up in Mario’s eyes. He quickly wiped them away. How can I save Peach if I can’t even protect my own little brother? There’s no way I can do this alone. And no one will want to help me after they find out what I let happen to Luigi.

Mario looked up into the sky, regretfully. Lightning lit up the gray skies, sounding off a booming thunder. It was as if the environment was mocking him, trying to imitate the storm of emotions he felt inside of him. This thunderstorm was nowhere near as brutal and malevolent as what Mario was feeling.

“Looks like you finally won, Bowser. Congratulation.” Mario muttered, defeated and completely hopeless.

He began to walk, but without any idea where he was or where to go. All he knew was that he’d either to go home, or simply walk until he couldn’t walk anymore.

Not traveling too far from where the warp-pipe spat him out, Mario noticed three particularly large bug-looking creatures surrounding a downed body. The figure looked unconscious and the monsters looked hungry. Figuring it was none of his business, Mario continued walking. Who am I to mess with fate, he thought to himself. With each step he took, however, his conscious nagged at him.

“So you’re going to let another person die?”

He looked back over to the three monsters. They were on top of the unconscious body, ferociously tugging at his clothes. With a reluctant sigh, he turned to his right and headed straight for the group of monsters known as Tektites, and commenced dealing them an epic pummeling. It actually felt good to release that pent-up rage on something, he thought. Within seconds, he disposed of the threatening monsters and saved a life. He looked down at the unconscious character and gasped in surprise.

The green tunic.
The green hood.
The blonde hair.
The pointy ears.
The sword and shield.

All of these traits, he unmistakably recognized.

“At least I know where I am now.” Mario said as he knelt down and tried to shake awake the highly familiar face. “Link! I know you can hear me. I just saved your life, so the least you can do to show your appreciation is wake up!”

Link only responded with the occasional twitching.

“Okay, we’ll do it this way: I’ll either wake you up with water or with fireballs. It all depends on if you twitch within the next five seconds.” Mario offered.

Link replied with a twitch three seconds later.

“Fireballs, it is.” Mario decided, sending a volley of flaming balls.

“…huh…?” Link groggily groaned, finally stirring awake.

He was just in time to feel the red-hot flames kiss his body, subsequently setting him on fire.

“AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! BOLERO OF FIRE ON MY ASS!!!” Link screamed as he frantically jumped to his feet and dove into the deep pool he failed to land in earlier. “Aaaahhhhh… Sweet Nayru, satisfaction…”

He heard a disappointed sigh come from his left side. He turned and saw Mario, to his surprise. Mario was standing there with his arms crossed, shaking his head.

“Holy Din! Mario!” Link exclaimed.

Swimming out of the water, Link excitedly walked up to Mario, holding his hand out. Mario responded by reaching his hand out as well, and Link pulled him in to give him a quick, wet hug. Mario was a little upset about that, but let it go.

“It’s been a boilin’ minute since we last saw each other! In fact, last time we chilled was durin’ the endin’ ceremony for the Smash tournament! What are you doin’ here, man?!” Link eagerly asked.

“So much has happened, it just boggles my mind. I really don’t know what I’m doing here.” Mario admitted. “A warp-pipe just spit me out here after I jumped in. I wouldn’t even be in this mess if Bowser didn’t kidnap Peach again. When I find him, he’s got hell to pay.” He promised, menacingly punching his palm.

“You’re lookin’ for Bowser?! I shoulda known.” Link said, lightly knocking on his head. “My man, Bowser is here! He’s at Ganondorf’s castle along with Peach and Zelda.”

Mario’s eyes went wide, actually twinkling with hope.

“Are you serious?!” Mario excitedly gasped. “Where’s that?”

“Somewhere waaaaaay over there.” Link pointed out in the direction of Hyrule Field.

“That far out? Then what are you doing over here?” Mario wondered.

“Man, I jus’ wanna block out what happened to me. It was all too grim…” Link then explained everything that happened up until the time he fell unconscious.

“Wow… You’ve definitely been through some type of hell. But I’m pretty sure I’ve had it worse.” Mario began explaining his adventure right up until the current moment.

“Oh… man… Luigi…” Link muttered.

“It’s all my fault… I shouldn’t have been so quick to leave him… I should’ve known Sonic would come back for blood…” Mario muttered, resurrecting his feelings of regret and pity, and becoming overly emotional.

“Yo, chill out. You cryin’ ain’t gonna bring him back.” Link said, trying to calm Mario down. “But you askin’ me can.”

“What?” Mario’s face curled up in confusion, unsure of what he just heard. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m sayin’ I can stop Luigi from ever gettin’ killed. I can erase that event from history!” Link affirmed.

“You’re lying…” Mario said in disbelief.

“C’mon, think about it. I’m the Hero of Time!” Link’s heroic fanfare suddenly blared throughout the environment. “And I have the Ocarina of Time! It’s a match made in heaven! We could jus’ go back to where Luigi got murked, play the Song of Time, save his ass, and jet back to Hyrule!” Link explained.

“Easier said than done…” Mario sighed. “We’d have to find a way to get to the Green Hill Zone, first. A warp-pipe bought me here, but I don’t know if it’ll bring us back.”

“I don’t even think warp-pipes exist here.” Link couldn’t recall ever seeing a warp-pipe in Hyrule. “And what about Ganondorf and Bowser? We still gotta take care of them.”

“As much as Peach means to me, Luigi’s my only brother.” Mario stated. “I have to go back and make things right. He shouldn’t have died there. He should be here with us. I need to bring him back before I go for Bowser. I hope you understand.”

“I got you, my man. We’ll see each other through this deal until the end.” Link assured him.

“Thanks a lot, Link.” Mario replied appreciatively with a warm smile.

Both of them reached their right hand out and clapped them together, as a way of sealing the agreement. And with that, they made their way out of the dried lake and towards Hyrule Field where they hoped to find a clue that would lead them back to the scene of a most heinous crime: the Green Hill Zone.

[ZeekeXIV]

Act 4: Getting Where You Need to Go

Beginning their different, but ultimately similar quests anew, Mario and Link left the dismal, dried-up Lake Hylia and traveled the vast plains of Hyrule Field. Both of them felt infinitely more confident that things would turn out for the better once they teamed up, but they still had no idea where to go. And between the ominously dark clouds, the roaring thunder, and the unforgiving winds, things were looking magnificently grim. They weren’t going to falter, though. Mario and Link made silent vows to themselves that they’d never give up, no matter what the costs. Them finding each other was an act of fate. They wouldn’t have met up if they were meant to fail, they thought to themselves.

As they walked through Hyrule Field, Link noticed Mario looking particularly ponderous. He’s probably thinkin’ about savin’ Peach and bringin’ back Luigi, Link thought to himself. Still, he felt he had to indulge his curiosity.

“You’ve been mad quiet ever since we left Lake Hylia. Somethin’ up?” Link asked.

Mario glanced at Link, then shook his head.

“It’s nothing serious. Just something that’s been bugging me ever since you mentioned you had the ocarina.” Mario said.

“And what would that be?” Link wondered.

“Well, back in the first Smash tournament, I remember reading your biography. It said you gave back the Ocarina of Time to Zelda after you beat Ganondorf. If that’s true, then how do you still have it?” Mario asked.

A devious smile slowly curled Link’s lips.

“What Zelda don’t know won’t hurt her.” He deviously laughed. “I taxed her ocarina and played the Song of Time to go back to when I had one. I told my past-self to give it up, but he said he needed it. I told him I needed it more, and asked him again to give it up. But he was ready to fight me for it!”

“…what’d you do?” Mario wondered, though not particularly sure he wanted to hear more.

“What I had to do. I nearly killed him for it, but I said ‘chill’. I knew what would happen if I did. So after I stole it, I came back to the present time and returned Zelda’s ocarina. Now there’s two of ‘em!”

Mario just stood there, shocked by what he just heard.

“You know what’s funny, though? I have memories of gettin’ beat-down and havin’ my ocarina stolen by myself. I’m a pretty grimey fighter.” Link realized. “And me stealin’ the ocarina from myself shoulda just created another timeline where I didn’t have it when I was savin’ Hyrule. I think I created a paradox.”

“That’s great, Link.” Mario sarcastically congratulated him. “And some day, in the future, Hyrule will become a sunken city that only exists through legend; all because you cataclysmically screwed up its timeline by stealing the ocarina from yourself.”

“Yeah, sure, like that’ll ever happen!” Link laughed, amused by Mario’s grim prediction. “Enough about time-travel. We should be figurin’ out how to get to Green Hill Zone. Any plans? Suggestions, maybe?”

“Asking is always a good plan, right?” Mario suggested. “There are sages in your world. One of them should to know how to get there.”

“I doubt it. The only other person in Hyrule that’s been off this planet, other than me and Zelda, is Ganondorf. I can’t exactly ask him ‘where the hell is Green Hill Zone?’” Link replied. “After him, I can’t think of anybody else.”

“Ah, but the one who would know where Green Hill Zone is could be right above you!” An unknown voice called to them from above.

“Huh?” Link and Mario said as they looked up.

Perched high in one of the sporadically placed oak trees of the field, there was one large, brown-feathered owl. Exceedingly wise and almost all-knowing, he was known throughout Hyrule as Kaepora Gaebora.

Link was the only one that didn’t think so highly of him.

“For the love of Nayru, not you again…” Link groaned, slapping his hand to his forehead in aggravation. “Listen, if you know somethin’, just say it! Don’t start talkin’ about some B.S. that no one cares about.”

“Link, my boy, you know very well that I would tell you immediately where your Green Hill Zone is… if only I knew! I don’t know where it may be!” Kaepora chuckled as he turned his head upside-down.

“What? Wait, wait… You just said you did!” Mario exclaimed.

“Hoo hoo! You’ve spoken English for so long, and yet you still don’t understand it! I said ‘the one who would know where Green Hill Zone is could be right above you’. ‘Could’ is a conditional. An ‘I might know’ or an ‘I might not know’, if you will. But oh, how unfortunate you two are! I have no clue where that may be!” The owl repeated jubilantly.

“Where did you meet him?” Mario said as Kaepora started singing about what he doesn’t know.

“I didn’t meet him! He met me!” Link defensively shouted. “The very first time I left Kokiri Forest, he jus’ showed up and started talkin’. And when I tried to leave, he followed me! It jus’ doesn’t stop! Even when I sleep, I still hear him talkin’ to me in my dreams! It’s been like this for the last ten years…” He sighed, hanging and shaking his head.

”Wow… That’s just… Wow… I’m sorry…” Mario sighed as he put his hand on Link’s shoulder, offering compassion. “Well, regardless of how much he denies it, I know he has the info we want. We’ll just have to find a way to ‘persuade’ him into telling us.”

“Like THIS?” Suddenly, Link pulled out his Hookshot, shot it at the owl, and reeled him over to where they were standing.

“Yeah, that works.” Mario said.

Holding him a little lower than eye-level, Link glared threateningly down into Kaepora’s wise and astute, but at the current moment fearful, eyes. The owl may have been all-knowing, but at that time, he didn’t know what to expect from Link.

“Don’t lie to me, oh ‘wise’ owl.” Link said, sarcastically. “I know you know somethin’. Start talkin’, or else…” He threatened, ominously.

“Or else what? You cannot harm the wise. Only a fool would do something so senseless!” Kaepora yammered, fearlessly.

“Shut up. Pull out a wing, Mario.” Link ordered. Mario did so and Link placed his sword underneath it, slowly beginning to slice upward. “The info we need, or your right wing. Choose, mofo.” Link said dangerously, keeping that ice-glare frozen onto Kaepora’s face.

“You wouldn’t dare! The child in you wouldn’t allow it!” The owl exclaimed.

“Wanna bet?” Link said and started slicing upward, taking a few feathers as he cut.

“Ha-hoo-hoo!” Kaepora laughed, despite his unfavorable position. “That’s as far as you’ll go. I know you! I’ve known you for ten years! I’ve seen the way you act. I can read you like a book! It will be impossible for you to--”

The owl abruptly stopped talking when he felt the sword separating his wing from its socket. He tried to bear the indescribable agony, but couldn’t take it as the Master Sword found its way up through the bone.

“Alright, I’ll talk!” He hollered in pain with Link still cutting upward, but slowing the cutting rate. “You must go… to Death Mountain… eeugh… …where the Gorons live. There is a room with a lava pool in… GAH!!” The owl suddenly shouted.

“Talk quick and it’ll be over. Just keep goin.” Link encouraged, slowing his cutting rate.

“…there’s a room with a lava pool in the middle. You must use the… Hookshot… to make it over the lava and to a warp-pipe… resting on the other side.” Link stopped his cutting, altogether, after hearing that. “I cannot guarantee it will take you where you need to go, though.” Kaepora said after sighing a breath of relief.

“We got it, Link.” Mario nodded, still holding the wing out. “You can let him go now.”

Link took a look at Mario, then turned his attention to a suffering Kaepora Gaebora, who was now breathing hard, probably because of the pain he was in. Figuring he had enough torture, Link decided to let him go.

“Thanks a lot.” Link said and relinquished his hold on the owl.

But not before inhumanely hacking off Kaepora’s right wing. Link then carelessly tossed him to the floor as the owl let out one long hoot of unfathomable pain.

“Ugh!” Mario gasped, disgustedly, after realizing he was still holding the dismembered wing and throwing it to the ground.

“GREAT FARORE, WHY?!!” The owl bawled. “Not my wing! My beautiful wing! That was my wise wing you… you… IMBECILE!” He yelled in seething rage. “Words cannot do justice to the disappointment I feel towards you! I told you what you wanted, you… INsensitive cretin! I can’t believe you would do such a thing to me! Me, of all people! Did our friendship mean anything at all?”

“Friendship? FRIENDSHIP?!” Link repeated, thoroughly appalled at the thought of a comradeship with him. “Whatever the hell we had was nowhere near a friendship!” He shouted back. “You appeared outta absolutely nowhere one day and scared the shit outta me! I was just a little kid! Do you know how many fuckin’ nightmares I had about you? I thought I made it obvious that I hated you! But for ten F**KING years you followed me around and pissed me off to no end! What the hell is wrong with you? In fact, what the hell is wrong with everyone?! How the hell can they think someone so stupid can be so wise?!”

Kaepora was shot down hard upon this reality check, not even feeling the pain of an improperly amputated wing after hearing Link’s enraged outburst. Now that he thought about it, Link did make it perfectly clear that he wanted nothing to do with him all these years. But he couldn’t understand why he continued to pester him. He couldn’t think of any reason other than his disillusioned thought that Link needed him. Kaepora then rose to his feet, hanging his head in shame and utter humiliation.

“Link… I wasn’t aware you felt this way.” He admitted. “And for the life of me, I don’t know why. All these years, I just…” The owl couldn’t find the words to describe what he was thinking. “…I’m… I’m sorry. Although after all the mental torture I put you through, I’m sure it means nothing to you.”

Link’s anger quickly subsided as he listened to Kaepora’s sincere words. Feeling regret towards what he just did, Link picked up the maimed limb and faced a tearing Kaepora.

“Listen… Don’t think your words will switch my opinions about you. What I feel towards you is never gonna change.” Link stated. “But… I’ll admit I ODed when I cut your wing off. Sorry… I can fix it wit’ Zelda’s Lullaby, though.”

“Really?” Kaepora’s eyes brightened up. “You would do that… for me?”

“I said I would, right? Just bend over a little and spread your wings…” Link paused. “My bad… Spread your wing out like you’re about to take off.” He instructed.

“Like this?” The owl asked, assuming the position.

“A little more…” Link said, watching the owl fix his position. “Perfect. Yo, Mario, hold the wing in place.” He said, turning to Mario and handing him the wing.

“Right here, right?” Mario questioned, putting the wing right where it should’ve been.

“Right there.” Link nodded approvingly, pulling out his ocarina.

“Thank you… friend.” Kaepora sniffled gratefully with a subtle smile.

Link began to play the soothing melody Zelda would fall asleep to as a child.

Left-C, Up-C, Right-C
Left-C, Up-C, Right-C
Left-C, flat Up-C…

“PSYCH!!” Link suddenly yelled, ripping the ocarina away from his lips.

Before anyone could even react, Link tore the wing out of Mario’s hands, spun around behind the bent-over owl, and jammed more than half of his own wing directly up Kaepora’s backside, sending a shockwave of unimaginable agony.

“WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” The owl cried, somehow taking flight and flying like some sort of crazed, one-winged bat out of hell.

Link was beside himself in immoral amusement. He fell to the floor, laughing himself senseless and clutching his abdomen in pain. He was laughing so hard, it reawakened his earlier stomach injuries. Perhaps that was his punishment for doing such an outlandishly vile thing but it didn’t seem to be enough, as Link shrugged it off, continuing his nonstop cackles.

“I can’t believe you just did that.” Mario said, thoroughly shocked and disgusted by how twisted Link could be. “Let’s just go. Please.”

“Holy Din…” Link sighed tiredly, holding his stomach. “Yeah, we’re goin’.”

He took one more look at the crazed and howling Kaepora Gaebora and burst out laughing again.

“LINK!!” Mario shouted, impatiently.

“Alright, man, chill out! We’re goin’!” Link assured Mario, leading the way towards Death Mountain, but not before letting a few snickers escape.

Meanwhile, at Ganondorf’s Castle…

Ganondorf, keeping an eye on all of Hyrule with his 60-inch plasma-screen surveillance monitor from his Chillin’ Vill’in sofa, just picked up Link and Mario heading towards Kakariko Village, where the entrance to the Death Mountain Trail lied.

“I knew it! I f**kin’ knew it! Link is still breathin’. I shoulda bet a dollar on that.” He wished as he sat up. “And he met up with Mario! But like dumbasses, they ain’t comin’ this way… What’s the deal wit’ that? I know they want their bitches back.” Ganondorf said, stroking his chin in wonderment.

“Hey, why are you in such a hurry for them to get here? The longer they take, the more time we have these girls to ourselves. As long as they’re not coming this way, I’m cool.” Bowser stated in a reclined position on a couch as Peach lit him a cigar and Zelda gave him a pedicure.

Just realizing Zelda was actually tending to Bowser’s demands; Ganondorf grew uneasy and was slightly offended.

“You know, B-boss…” Ganondorf started. “Mi casa es su casa, but I don’t appreciate you havin’ the broad I kidnapped abidin’ to your every command. That shit ain’t cool, dawg… You didn’t kidnap her. You don’t deserve shit from her.” He stated, pointing a threatening finger at Bowser. “And I’m not down wit’ the smokin’…”

“Wait, wait… You think kidnapping earns you this treatment?” Bowser said, surprised at such an “amateur” kidnapping statement while respectfully putting out his cigar. “You kidding me, Ganondorf? Take it from the master of disaster; kidnapping really earns you nothing. You can kidnap a girl and she’ll still try to resist you every step of the way. The real prize comes from sheer ruthlessness and piss-her-panties intimidation.” Bowser explained, clenching his fist in an intimidating fashion. “You gotta make her do what you want.”

“I don’t give a f**k, son! I still don’t like the way you on my chick!” Ganondorf raised his voice, making like he was about to rise to feet and growing more upset with each nail Zelda clipped off Bowser’s toes.

“Take it easy, Ganondorf.” Bowser said, holding his hand out like a “halt” sign, unthreatened by Ganondorf’s actions. “Looks like you need some convincing.”

Grabbing Peach by the wrist, Bowser threw her arm toward Ganondorf, sending Peach stumbling clumsily to him and ultimately falling into his lap. She looked up to Ganondorf with fearful eyes, and then glanced back to Bowser.

“You know what to do.” Bowser ordered, snorting a flare streak from his nose.

Nodding nervously, Peach made her way to Ganondorf’s back and began giving him a sensual shoulder massage. Moaning with tension-relieved contentment, Ganondorf finally calmed down.

“Awww, yeah… I see what you mean on the intimidation tip. This is what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!” Ganondorf hummed, relaxing even more than before.

“Mi hostage es su hostage.” Bowser articulated with a horrid Spanish accent.

Ganondorf started laughing, followed by Bowser’s guffaws. The laughs continued until Bowser noticed Zelda giggling to herself with a hand clasped over her mouth.

“What?! You shouldn’t be laughing! Now lick my toes, bitch!” Bowser ordered and smacked Zelda’s booty, which was waving in the air.

Also, in the corner of Peach’s castle…

“Ooooooo, this isn’t so bad once you get used to it. Maybe I should tell the others about this. We can all do it together! Let’s see if I can get in as far as my elbow this time!”

Back with Mario and Link at the gate entrance to the Death Mountain Trail in Kakariko Village…

The duo stood in front of the gate, staring up at the furious Death Mountain volcano in the distance. A bright red, ominous ring circled the opening, making it seem like the peak would blow at any given moment.

“Hey, Link.” The guard in front of the gate greeted, averting their attention to him. “Off to scale the Death Mountain Trail?”

“Yeah, man. We got places to go and peeps to see. Open the gate for us.” Link said.

“Before you go, can you do me a favor? Get me the Keaton mask so I can give it to my son.” The guard told Link, not even waiting for an answer.

“What?” Link’s face screwed up in disbelief toward the request. “You know it’s been ten years since the shop shut down! The town is run by ReDeads, remember? Besides, your son is as old as me now!”

“Well. I guess we have a problem, then. If I can’t get what I want, neither will you! This gate will not open until I’m wearing a Keaton mask.” The guard stated, pounding his lance into the ground in an authoritive fashion.

“I thought you said it was for your son.” Link remembered.

“I say a lot of things.” The guard casually replied.

“You can’t be serious…” Mario groaned in disbelief. “So what are we gonna do now?”

“This ain’t a problem. Remember who I am.” Link stated, posing with the Master Sword, holding it up in the air.

The sun somehow broke through the thick, black clouds and shined upon Link and the Master Sword. The sunlight reflected brightly off the blade, shining so intensely it made Mario and the guard shield their eyes. This made Link look like the ultimate hero.

“Oh yeah. You’re the fabled ‘Hero of Time’.” Mario said, mimicking quotation marks with his fingers. Link’s fanfare suddenly blared in their eardrums. “That’s so annoying…” He sighed with a hand over his ear. “So what are you gonna do? Go back in time and steal a Keaton mask from yourself?”

“Even better!” Link said and swiftly guided his blade through the guard’s stomach without any sort of warning.

“Holy Din! I’m dying…” The guard gasped and simply died.

Mario was flabbergasted by how unnecessarily spontaneous that was.

“…well… That was unexpected…” He finally managed to utter after a good twenty seconds of stunned silence. “You know, Link… I don’t know how anyone can consider you a hero after seeing the things I’ve seen you do.” Mario stated.

“He pissed me off.” Link replied, showing no remorse and sheathing his sword. “Besides, no one liked him, anyway. He won’t be missed.”

“But how’ll we get to Goron City now? The gate’s still closed and that dead guard was the only one that could open it!” Mario exclaimed, upset at Link’s inability to think before he acted.

“So? I don’t need no damn gate to open!” Link stated.

With a running start, Link hoped onto the gate and pulled himself over. He flipped over the top effortlessly and landed on his feet. Link looked back at Mario through the gate while dusting his hands off and nodding satisfactorily, starting up the beaten path toward Goron City.

Mario was left speechless. He was just amazed by Link’s unpredictablility.

If this is what I have to go through for the rest of the journey, I should just jump into that volcano up there and get it over with. I can see Link getting both of us killed… is what Mario thought to himself.

Snapping out of his awe, he ran toward the gate as well, executed a perfect side-somersault over the gate, and landed, running up the beaten path as well to catch up to Link.

A few minutes later…

“We’re finally here.” Mario sighed, relieved, as the two stood in the entrance of Goron City.

The first thing they noticed was that there were a lot of doorways leading into separate chambers of the city. If they weren’t careful, it would be a while before they actually found what they were looking for.

“Alright, Link. Lead the way.” Mario commanded.

“It’s been a while since the last time I was here, so I don’t exactly remember which room the lava room is.” Link said.

“Then why don’t we ask one of these guys?” Mario suggested, pointing to the nearest Goron.

“Screw that idea! I’d rather go explorin’.” Link said.

With that, Link walked off and entered the first room he walked by. Having no choice but to follow, Mario walked in, as well. What they saw in that room would be forever grafted into their minds…

Two Gorons: going at it hard, fast, and heavy. Link and Mario just stood in the doorway, frozen in their shock and embarrassment.

“…do you two f**king mind?” One of the Gorons angrily snapped.

“Oh snap! Sorry!” Link apologized as they both quickly left the room, extremely embarrassed.

“I’ll pick the next room!” Mario growled angrily and went through another doorway.

They walked down a long corridor. As they made it deeper in, a catchy tune perked their ears up. They continued their trek until they hit a rock-walled dead-end.

“Dead-end…” Mario sighed with disappointment. “Well… at least the music is catchy.” He shrugged. “I just really hope the lava room isn’t on the other side…”

Link didn’t reply. Tapping his foot to the light-hearted tune, he was deep in though, thinking about where he knew this place from. In an instant, something clicked in his mind.

“OH!! I know exactly where this is!” Link suddenly remembered. “We’re right in front of the Lost Woods! It’s like Kokiri Forest’s backyard. Not too far from Lake Hylia, either. In fact, it wasn’t too far from where we met that damn owl. If we jus’ made an about-face and walked a few paces, we coulda been here a lot quicker.”

“You can’t be serious…” Mario groaned, shaking his head in disappointment. “You mean to tell me that you killed a man and we scaled Death Mountain for no reason? We coulda saved an hour of traveling time?! You IDIOT!!” He shouted. “Every extra second we take getting to Green Hill Zone is another second Peach and Zelda will spend getting tortured! They’ve probably been through twelve types of hell already! Who knows how much more they could take…” Mario said, worrying about what Peach and Zelda could possibly be going through.

In Ganondorf’s Castle…

“HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!” Ganondorf and Bowser maniacally laughed as Peach and Zelda were in the middle of a foxy-boxing match.

Zelda just caught Peach with a devastating open-palmed slap to the left cheek.

“That’s right, Zelda! Smack that ho!” Ganondorf cheered, raising a fist of encouragement.

Returning to the entrance of the Lost Woods…

“Chill out, man. Try not to worry about them for a while. You gotta keep your eye on the prize, my man, and right now, that’s getting where you need to go.” Link said.

Mario could only slowly nod in agreement. “Okay. Then find us that lava room.”

Leading the way back through Goron City, they walked by another doorway. A sudden gust of heat hit their skins. They turned to each other and nodded, entering the muggy room. Just as they expected, they stood before a deep pool of lava. Across the pool lied a blue warp-pipe.

“Yes! There it is!” Mario exclaimed with a new tone of happiness and hope in his voice. “I never thought I’d be so happy to see one of those.”

Link scanned the opposite side to see where he can latch on with his Hookshot. A post beside the pipe held the answer.

“There we go.” Link said to himself, noticing the post. “Alright, I know you don’t wanna risk jumpin’ over all that, so hold on to the handle.” He said, holding out the handle.

As soon as Mario grabbed on, Link shot off his Hookshot directly at the target at the head of the post. The tip of the Hookshot latched on tightly to the post and reeled them safely over the boiling pool of lava. They now stood in front of the blue warp-pipe, more than ready to jump in and face the next challenge.

“Hopefully, this takes us exactly where we need to be.” Mario hoped, jumping into the pipe.

“Hopefully…” Link muttered and climbed in afterward.

Seconds later, both of them were spit out on the opposite end of the warp-pipe, which promptly disappeared into the ground after doing so. As soon as they hit the ground, they automatically knew they were still light-years away from their desired destination.

How so?

Both of them were in the middle of what seemed to be stadium. Some sort of coliseum similar in style to the coliseums of ancient Greece. They stood on a tiled, stone floor surrounded by sandy ground, facing two guys who looked like they were in their early to middle twenties.

That wasn’t what made them so intimidating, though.

What made them a force to be reckoned with were the vicious-looking swords they were wielding. The one with brown, neck-lengthed hair and a scar right above the bridge of his nose boasted a thick-bladed sword that seemed to have the handle of a gun for a hilt, fully-equipped with a trigger. The one with blonde, spiky hair and strangely-shaded blue eyes donned a gigantic brand, nearly as tall as he was and quite-possibly just as heavy.

Mario and Link simply looked to each other, worriedly. They knew this could only mean they were in for one hell of a battle.
_______________________

And that's where I stop for today. I'll be back next week with another chapter.

Or... I could be back earlier than that, depending on how many people are interested. I'm actually up to Act 10 in this story, and please believe we're not even almost halfway through this story yet.

Anyway, see y'all next week, or maybe even before then.

[Josh]

Mario Vs. Link lol. That story had some good points to it. Bolero of fire on my ass... Golden.

[danielh]

When i came into this thread i was expecting the Revolution's new version of SSB had come out and it was named Odyssey....
instead i read this story which was pretty interesting but to make it more captivating you need less direct speech and more character reflection to build atmosphere and to see what's going on in his mind.

[ZeekeXIV]

Thanks for reading, guys. There a whole lot more to come, trust me.

These are the early parts of my story, danielh. Back when I first started writing this, I liked writing straight dialouge more than anything else. As the chapters progress, you'll see a lot more single-character reflection, especially in the later chapters.

If you are, in fact, interested in reading everything I have written for this tale, you can check out fanfiction.net and read it there. But that would defeat the purpose of me posting here... Eh, the choice is your's. Either way, it's a good story, so stick around. I haven't disappointed anyone with it, yet!

[13usta]

I read up to act 3 before the messege board was reset...i liked it!
Now for Act 4!

[13usta]

more please :D

[ZeekeXIV]

Alrighty, it's freaking Friday! I forgot to update yesterday.

Sorry about that...

But luckily, I didn't forget today!
_______________

Act 5: Don’t Confuse Cheapness with Skill

Back in Ganondorf’s Castle…

“This shit is all good and gravy, but I’m actually startin’ to get tired of these broads.” Ganondorf admitted as Zelda gave him a piggy-back ride.

“Surprisingly, I grow weary of these wenches as well.” Bowser agreed with a fake pompous accent while Peach was filing his fingernails.

“I guess this is the prime time to think of some shit that’ll easily murk Mario and Link. So what you think?” Ganondorf asked.

“I’m glad you asked. I just thought of the perfect plan.” Bowser said, deviously rubbing his hands together. “It involves me, you, a paintbrush, and -get this- a bathtub!”

Bowser had no idea how wrong that sounded.

“…” Ganondorf was simply rendered speechless.

“No need to say anything. Trust me, I know. I’m such a genius; I have nightmares about it, sometimes.” Bowser humbly admitted. “What makes this plan even greater is that Mario doesn’t have that damn FLUDD this time. He’ll never see it coming! GWA HA HA!!” He laughed as thunder and lightning exuberantly sounded off outside.

“…you’re kiddin’ me, right? If you ain’t… then I think I’ma have to find another partner in this shit.” Ganondorf finally managed to say. “You know what? You are f**kin’ around. Good shit, B-boss. You almost had me.”

Bowser’s ego was crushed. He really believed he had the be-all that ends-all in ideas. He didn’t show any outward signs, or at least he tried not to.

“Alright then… What’s your godamn infallible plan then?” Bowser spat out. Obviously, he wasn’t trying very hard.

Without saying a word, Ganondorf simply whipped out his cellular phone and punched in a few numbers. After a few rings, a deep voice answered.

“Greetings.”

“Yo, this is G-dorf. Whaddup, DK?” He greeted.

A frustrated groan was heard on the other end.

“Only my true friends may call me by that alias. You’re nothing more than a mere acquaintance, Ganondorf. You will refer to me as Donkey Kong and only Donkey Kong, unless told otherwise.” DK grunted over the phone.

“I’ma have to refer you to a proctologist if you don’t check yo’ tone wit’ me, Kong. Don’t make me break off a Wizard’s Foot in yo’ ass.” Ganondorf threatened, pointing at the phone as if DK could see him. “But whatever, I need a favor. Peeps are tryin’ to come through and start some shit wit’ my boy, B-Boss, and me. They tryin’ to get at our girls, dawg! I ain’t havin’ that. I need some extra muscle, son. I need you to hit ‘em off wit’ the real from that Giant Punch.”

“First and foremost, I am neither a dog nor your son.” DK sternly stated. “And I refuse to waste what precious little time I have by assisting you in your petty scuffles. As of late, my time has been devoted to one thing, and one thing only: crushing that infernal Mario!” He ragefully boomed, causing Ganondorf to pull the phone away form his ear. “I’ll never forget when he took my Daisy! My precious little flower, Daisy… She was the only one to ever see the real Donkey Kong… She was the only one who could understand my daily plight… And Mario robbed my garden of its most beautiful blossom. Granted, I may have smothered her a bit too heavily, but she could see it was love! He had no right to take away what was mine! …no right to take what I held nearest and dearest to my heart…” DK concluded, sobbing heavily.

Ganondorf was thoroughly shocked and disgusted by Donkey Kong’s love-struck weeps. He slowly took the phone away from his ear and stared at it.

“Yo… this mother-f**ker… is crying… on my phone…” Ganondorf enforced as if that was unheard of. “…over some bitch he loves.” He paused for a moment, trying to make sense of this. “What… the f**k?” Ganondorf held up a hand of confusion.

Bowser only slowly shook his head and sighed, disappointedly.

With a sigh of his own, Ganondorf put his mouth to the receiver and continued his conversation with Donkey Kong.

“Yo, if you’re gonna start cryin’ on my phone line, I’ma jus’ call up someone else. I need level, emotionally stable heads on this operation. ‘Specially since I’m dealin’ wit’ yo’ boy, Mario.” Ganondorf added with a devious smile.

“WHAT?!!” DK gasped with sudden interest. “What business do you have with Mario?!”

“I already told you. ‘Sides, why’s it matter? Through me, you get the chance to beat his ass down!” Ganondorf said.

There was a brief silence on DK’s end. He had a serious bone to pick with Mario, but at the same time, he didn’t trust Ganondorf at all. He was facing quite the dilemma.

“…a side of me firmly believes you are speaking utter nonsense and are only interested in telling me what I want to hear so I can help you…” DK finally said. “…but another side firmly believes that if I pass this opportunity, I’ll have to wait until the next Smash Brothers tournament to deal him satisfying retribution. I simply can not wait that long.”

There was another pause: a long, contemplating pause.

“Against all my better judgment… I will vow to help you deal with Mario in the best way I can.” Donkey Kong swore. “You just better not be deceiving me, Ganondorf, or else it will be you who’ll face my swift and unending vengeance.”

“Trust me, DK, you have my word.” Ganondorf promised.

With a frustrated grunt because Ganondorf called him “DK” once again, Donkey Kong hung up the phone.

“Donkey Kong.” Bowser said. “Of all the people to help us, you choose Donkey Kong. Donkey. F**king. Kong. And you thought my plan was a joke? We were much better off following my scheme! The best part about it was that we didn’t have to depend on some half-ass lumbering monkey to beat one of our most dangerous enemies! What the hell…”

Bowser quit talking when Ganondorf held up a glowing, black and dark-purple hand up as a threatening halt sign.

“The tone: check it.” Ganondorf demanded. “And what’s yo’ deal wit’ Donkey Kong? Talks like he’s got a stick up his ass, but on the real, he’s aight.”

“I don’t see the logic. He only uses big words to hide the fact that he’s an idiot.” Bowser maintained his argument. “Seriously, Ganondorf… of all the people in the world… of all the capable bodies in the universe… Why Donkey Kong?”

“One word, dawg…” Ganondorf started, holding up one finger. “Potential. My man was serious in the last Smash deal. He took me down to a single stock in our match and murked yo’ ass to death wit’out losing a single life.”

“WHAT?!! Rewind!” Bowser screamed in angered excitement. “That bastard didn’t beat me! I got screwed by those explosive crates and capsules! You saw that match! I got blown up three times in a row!”

“You still on that? It’s over, B-Boss. Admit you lost. Everyone knows it except you.” Ganondorf said. “But like I was sayin’: DK is showin’ promise. In the next tournament, he could be hot shit. Almost as hot as me… And I know he’s gonna be sincere when he goes toe-to-toe wit’ Mario. After he’s outta the picture, we can handle Link the same way we handled him last time he was here.”

“Well… at least you’re thinking…” Bowser muttered, not exactly wanting to admit that Ganondorf’s was the better plan. “But you know potential means nothing in the long run. I mean, even with us: we have the potential to beat Mario and Link senseless with or without DK’s so-called ‘help’, but it’s not guaranteed.”

“So let’s guarantee it.” Ganondorf suggested and motioned Bowser to follow him to the roof of the castle.

Walking toward one of the pillars on the roof, Ganondorf held up a glowing, purple hand. Suddenly, a doorway in the pillar wall slid opened, revealing a new room. This was Ganondorf’s pride and joy. This was where he kept his Interdimensional-Warp Machine, which was capable of taking him anywhere in the universe. This explained his plasma-screen surveillance monitor and cell phone, among many other hi-tech gadgets the audience doesn’t know he has yet.

“Whoa…” Bowser gasped in awe as he stepped into the room.

“That’s right.” Ganondorf approved of Bowser’s awed gasp. “This is my baby, B-boss. This is how I move.” He said, tenderly petting his machine. “And right now, we gonna use this to get to Final Destination for a sparin’ session. Whatever you got, son; bring it.”

“Including transformations?” Bowser asked, hopefully raising his eyebrows.

“I can’t use mine outside of Hyrule, but if you can do yo’s then do you. It still won’t save you from the ass-beatin’ I’ma deal.” Ganondorf cockily stated with a smirk.

“Yeah, you talk big now…” Bowser menacingly growled.

Gradually, Bowser began to change his appearance. He grew just a bit over twice his normal size, gaining much more muscle mass. Every spike and claw on his body grew even longer and sharper than before including the two horns on each side of his head, which resembled a more devilish look. His hair also seemed to stand on end with limitless power and his eyes looked beady and more vein-ridden than before. Bowser was now his awe-striking behemoth alter-ego: Giga Bowser.

“…but l3t’s s33 h0w t0ugh j00 4r3 wh3n j00r up 4g41n5t t3h G1G4 B0W53R!!11!” Giga Bowser roared at an excessively loud volume as a thin smoke poured from his mouth.

“…what the hell did you jus’ say?” Ganondorf questioned, unable to understand Giga Bowser’s elite accent.

“L00k 4t j00… 5uch 4 n00b… J00’ll n3v3r b3 4bl3 t0 b34t 50m30n3 45 l33t 45 m3!” Giga Bowser taunted.

“…it don’t matter what language you speak. Yo’ fists win the battle, not yo’ mouth.” Ganondorf said.

After punching in some commands on the main control panel of the Interdimensional-Warp Machine, a wormhole opened up in a nearby wall.

“Put ‘em up, B-boss. I’m ‘bout to show you how my Gerudo hand’s way strong.” Ganondorf stated, stepping toward the wormhole.

“BR1NG 1T 0N, J00 N00B!!11!one!” Giga Bowser boomed l33tly as they both stepped through the wormhole leading to Final Destination.

We now return to our regularly scheduled grimness, featuring Mario and Link, which is already in progress.

The duo remained motionless, afraid that even the slightest movement would earn them a vicious hacking unlike anything they had ever seen. The sworded pair tightened their grips on their weapons.

“These are the guys we’re supposed to battle?” The guy with the Gunblade said.

“It doesn’t matter to me. They all get defeated the same way.” The other said, pounding the tip of his blade into the stone ground, emitting a bright spark.

“Holy Din… Even my Biggoron Sword can’t stand up to that…” Link feared, carefully eyeing the Buster Sword.

“I doubt jumps or fire will stop them, either…” Mario said. “How’ll we do this?”

Link barely turned to Mario to give him an answer before a slam was heard, as if a heavy door swung into a wall. Mario and Link spun around while the bladed warriors looked past the duo and to the three-person party standing in the doorway.

This new group included a shield-wielding dog of some sort. His name was Goofy. His shield was round and nearly a third of the size of his tall, slim body and had a sharp spike sticking out from the center. There was also a white-feathered duck named Donald, donning a blue-rodded wand with a bright, golden star on the top. Finally, there was a teenaged boy wielding a blade of his own, but not like what Link or the other two had. His blade was shaded a deep, oblivion black. It also looked exactly like a large key; a Keyblade, some would say. The wielder of the Keyblade was none other than Sora.

“Sora! I’m surprised you made it this far in the Kratos Cup.” The gunbladed opponent called out to the keybladed boy.

“Squall! And Cloud! You guys are the second seed?” Sora called back, surprised to see his old friends.

“Hey, we may be friends and all, but still don’t want anyone calling me that. My name is Leon.” Squall stated defensively.

“It’s part of your past, Squall. You can’t hide from it. Trust me, I know.” Cloud said.

“So if you guys are the second seed, and we just beat the third seed… then which seed are they?” The shield-wielding canine wondered, scratching his head under his hat and staring at Mario and Link.

Mario and Link glanced to each other nervously.

“We… are…” Mario started, trying to think of something.

“THE STIPULATION SEED!!” Link jumped in. Mario looked at him in surprise. “Guys, I’m sorry you had to hear this from me, but the matches were gettin’ borin’. That’s why no one’s here.” He pointed to the empty stands. “So they threw us in to make things interestin’.”

“What are you doing?” Mario worriedly whispered.

“Just roll with it.” Link said.

“Blasphemy!” Donald quacked in rageful disbelief. “This tournament only pits one team against another! There’s no such thing as a three-way match!”

“You gotta admit, though, it sounds pretty interesting…” Cloud said, thoughtfully. “You know what? Let’s do it! The first three-way battle in Coliseum history! What do you all say?”

“I’m up for a little variety.” Squall said.

“Hey, we’re the stipulation seed! We’re ready for anythin’!” Link boasted, patting Mario on the back. Mario looked back at him disapprovingly, believing this is the stupidest thing Link could’ve done.

“It’s all up to your crew, Sora.” Cloud said, looking to Sora’s group.

“Guys?” Sora turned to his companions.

“Sounds like fun! A-hyuck!” Goofy laughed.

“Awww, phooey…” Donald groaned, signifying he’d reluctantly join his squad in the fray.

“We’re in this, too.” Sora said to Cloud.

“Alright then, pick a position.” Squall suggested. “The winner of this match takes on the first seed, no questions asked.”

Sora, Donald, and Goofy headed to the bottom-left corner of the squared arena while Mario and Link took the bottom-right. Cloud and Squall backed up and stood in the top-center of the battlefield. They then stood off, sizing each other up.

“Whenever you’re ready.” Cloud announced, assuming a defensive stance alongside Squall.

Both other groups took a fighting stance as well, but neither one moved. They were waiting for someone else to take the initiative. The way things were going, they were in for a long stare-down session. Both groups seemed intent on attacking Cloud and Squall first, though. They seemed to be the most dangerous of the three.

Link quickly glanced over to Sora’s group, and was surprised to see Sora staring back at him. Getting a bright idea, he jerked his head toward Cloud’s group, suggesting that they attack them together. Sora nodded in agreement and held up three fingers, signifying they’d attack on his count.

Three fingers…
Two fingers…
One finger…

“GO!” Sora and Link shouted out as they led the attack squad on Cloud and Squall.

Not even flinching, as if he expected this type of mutiny, Cloud reared his huge sword back, like he was about to swing a baseball bat. And with a home-run swing, Cloud created a whirling vortex to combat the oncoming five-man squad. The vicious tornado treated them with no mercy, effortlessly picking them off the ground and whipping them around in helpless spirals in the air. After it finally subsided, Mario and Link were thrown into the empty spectator stands. Goofy, Sora, and Donald, on the other hand, were ejected from the Coliseum.

“So much for the three-way…” Cloud sighed, disappointed. “That wasn’t even my strongest move.”

“You have to be kidding me…” Mario groaned, tenderly rising to his feet. “What was that?”

“I’ll tell you what it wasn’t: fair!” Link shouted, also gingerly taking baby steps toward standing vertically. “He sent a freakin’ tornado at us! How cheap is that?”

“That’s not cheap; that’s skill.” Cloud shouted to Link, overhearing his angry complaints. “Do you know how long it took me to perfect that move? I call it Finishing Touch, by the way.”

Link and Mario made their way back to the stone-tiled battleground in the middle of the Coliseum.

“So it looks like it’s down to a two-on-two. Me and Cloud against… What are your names?” Squall asked.

“I’m Link, the Hero of Time.” Link introduced as his heroic fanfare blared throughout the stadium. “And that’s my boy, Mario.”

Squall and Cloud nodded.

“I’m still in the mood for a different type of match. I don’t have a problem with these free-for-all brawls, but after having ninety-seven of those in a row, you get a little tired of them.” Squall said.

“I know what you mean.” Cloud agreed. “So what’d you have in mind?”

“Well first, I want to make sure these two don’t have a problem with a little variety.” Squall said, glancing at Mario and Link.

“Like I already said: we’re up for anythin’ and everythin’. Whatever you deal, we can handle.” Link confidently guaranteed, pointing at himself with his thumb.

“Alright then. We challenge you to a classic, RPG battle.” Squall said.

Link paused for a second. A look of shock and confusion temporarily took control of his face. Then a smile slowly replaced it.

“…that’s… it? HA HA HA!! For a minute, I was kinda worried. But just that? Man, we got this, Mario!” Link cockily boasted, confidently patting his partner on the shoulder. “Just give us a second to strategize.”

“Take your time.” Squall said.

Link guided Mario aside, far enough so Cloud and Squall couldn’t hear them.

“WHAT THE HELL IS A RTB BATTLE?!!” Link wildly shouted, grabbing Mario by his overall-straps. Link shouted loud enough for Squall and Cloud to hear, who were now laughing out loud.

“You’re hopeless, Link…” Mario sighed, freeing himself from Link’s hold. “RPG battles are a lot more organized than your hack-and-slash adventures. Basically, each team takes turns dealing as much damage as possible to finish the other team. And every action you do takes a turn: be it attacking, using an item, or so on. The winner is the last team standing.”

“Oh… that is easy! We really do have this in the bag!” Link said, his confidence returning. “Let’s go get ‘em.”

“Wait a second. There’s a big factor in these matches that just might help sway the outcome.” Mario mentioned. “And that’s your equipment. It’s best to use the strongest gear you have, but you gotta be careful sometimes. The stronger gear might have some glaring setbacks.”

“Aww, sneaky mofos… Not a problem, though. I think I get this. Tell me how you think this works out…” Link started. “I’ma arm myself with the Megaton Hammer. That thing is stronger than you can imagine, but I need both hands to wield it, meanin’ I can’t use my shield for defense. So to cancel that, I’ma throw on my Goron tunic. The Gorons put MAD resilience in this shirt, so I’m pretty sure it’ll give me the same protection my shield would.”

“That’s pretty clever!” Mario nodded, approvingly. “You catch on quick.”

“I’ma also put on my Mirror shield.” Link added.

“I thought you couldn’t use your shields.” Mario said.

“I can’t. I just look freakin’ great wearin’ my Goron tunic and my Mirror shield together. It should be a crime to look as cool as I do with those on.” Link stated with a smile.

Mario only sighed and shook his head in response.

“I’m going to equip my Lazy Shell and Hero Shirt. Oh yeah, one more thing: you have hit points and magic points now. Make sure you watch those. Some of your moves might take away some of your MP, and every hit they deal you will tax your HP. If your HP hits zero, it’s game over for you.”

“Well, I’ve got 5542HP. Good luck gettin’ me down zero.” Link said. “I also have 423MP. I think I’ma be good in this match.”

“You’re better off than I am, in the HP department. I only have 4996. But my MP is looking good: 509.” Mario said, and then threw on his equipment. “Alright, you ready?”

“I was born ready.” Link stated.

They returned to where Cloud and Squall stood.

“Well, you two look prepared.” Squall noticed.

Link was decked out in a red tunic and a red hood instead of his typical green attire. He also wielded a large, heavy-looking, metallic silver hammer, looking confident as he rested it on his left shoulder. On his back, a pentagon-shaped shield rested. The shiny red border and the silver face of the shield complimented Link’s red clothing very nicely. He was definitely styling.

Mario rested a foot on top of his huge, red turtle shell which had wings that looked too small to support its grand girth. He still seemed to be in his normal gear, but that’s where he deceived everyone. His denim-blue overalls and red cotton undershirt were made from a special, more resilient fabric derived from the Power stars of Peach’s castle. Looking closer at his clothing, they could be seen shining with power. They were the ultimate in comfortable, but frighteningly durable, clothing.

“Let me just be honest with you guys.” Cloud started. “This is our battle. We were born for this. In all seriousness, you two don’t stand a chance.”

“We’ll see about that.” Mario said.

Suddenly, the environment spiraled out of focus and into blackness. Gradually, it faded back into reality, but slightly different. Mario and Link noticed their surroundings were a lot more detailed than before. They could actually feel the texture of the gritty ground under their feet. They saw the dust blowing in the wind. Their battlefield was also bigger than before, allowing them a lot more room for the fight. There was also “battle music” playing in the background: the same battle theme heard in Final Fantasy VIII.

“That was weird…” Link said as he looked around his new environment.

“Here goes round one!” Cloud warned, rearing his sword back.

Just then, Cloud attacked, swinging his Buster Sword in a wide, horizontal arc. The wind blew with great force, attacking both Mario and Link and taking 712HP from each of them.

“What?! That’s impossible! You can only hit one person per attack!” Mario exclaimed.

“You’ve never fought in an RPG battle like this, have you? Welcome to the big leagues. Here, we can use special enhancers that can boost our powers beyond anything you can imagine.” Cloud explained, pulling out a yellow transparent orb from his bangle. “This materia, for example, Slash-All, lets me attack both of you with one swift blow. But the fun doesn’t stop there.”

Immediately after ending his sentence, Cloud dashed toward Mario and dealt him a hard vertical hack. This wiped off an additional 628HP.

“I can link the support materia, Added Cut, to Slash-All. So not only do I get to hit both of you with one attack, I can hit one of you again in the same turn.” Cloud exclaimed with a satisfied smirk.

“This isn’t fair…” Mario groaned.

“What a damn cheat…” Link sighed. “Whatever, it’s my go!”

He charged at Squall and leapt toward him as high as possible. As he came down, he pointed the head of his hammer down, planning to plant it in Squall’s head.

“Try to time your hits!” Mario called out. “Before you land the hit, put as much strength can into it for extra damage!”

“Easy!” Link boasted.

Link buried the head of his hammer into Squall’s dome, timing his placement of strength with the moment of impact. His timing was flawless, managing to bounce off Squall’s head two more times. This only registered as one hit, though, but one hell of a hit: it trounced 1337 of Squall’s hit points.

“Oh yeah! Who’s the man?” Link celebrated.

“Whoa! You weren’t kidding about that hammer! What a hit!” Mario exclaimed. “And it’s finally my turn!”

With a small running start, Mario tossed the shell up into the air. As the shell began its fall back down to the ground, he reared his foot back, planning on launch it at Cloud. Timing his kick with the precise moment it was level to his knees, Mario threw his foot out, sending the enormous shell on a collision course towards Cloud’s chest. The hit registered with the classic “bluh-kup!” sound Koopa shells were known for, and knocked Cloud breathless. He was now down 1002HP.

“Wooo! We’re bringin’ the pain!” Link exclaimed. “How does it feel?!”

Squall’s moment finally came. He didn’t waste any words before his attack. He ran up to Link and dealt a heavy blow to Link’s chest with his custom-made Lionheart gunblade. What made the blow even heavier was the fact that Squall pulled the trigger on the hilt just before the blade touched Link’s skin. Link was thrown backwards from the hit, and 856HP was thrown from his life meter.

“Oh god…” Link groaned, tenderly rising to his feet from the explosive hit.

“You alright?” Mario asked, slightly concerned.

“I’ll live.” Link assured him.

“We’re just about even with these guys, but they’re hurting us a little more.” Mario reported. “We’ll be better off concentrating on one guy at a time.”

“Let’s get Cloud first. I can see him murkin’ us to death with that hit-everyone move.” Link suggested.

“I was just about to say that. Let’s do it.” Mario said, putting the focus back on Cloud and Squall.

Cloud’s turn was next. He slashed both Mario and Link again for 693HP each and attacked Link for another 602.

Link was up at bat, once again. He jetted toward Cloud at full speed. Just when he looked like he was about to collide into him, Cloud flinched. At that moment, Link skidded to a stop and swung his hammer in a vertical arc upward, like a golf swing. And what a golf swing! Cloud’s chin was walloped by the blow and he was knocked up into the air. With the same perfect timing as his last hit, Link curled his body like a coil, and released himself. He was propelled spinning wildly into the air with his hammer outstretched fully. In one impressive blow, Link slammed Cloud in the head and knocked him back down to the ground. 1504HP.

Mario was next. Both of his hands lit up. Suddenly, there was a red fireball in each palm. He threw the left ball straight at Cloud’s chest. The right one found its way toward his left shoulder. Mario then cupped his hands together, both of them lighting ablaze once again. With a loud “YAH”, Mario shot one huge ball of fire straight at Cloud’s face. It hit him so hard that he did a backflip, landing forcefully on his stomach. This move taxed 53MP from Mario and 1501HP from Cloud.

Cloud managed to rise to one knee after the blow, but he couldn’t rise any higher than that. He was really hurting from Mario and Link’s relentless onslaught.

“It’s workin’! We got this battle on lock!” Link exclaimed, noticing a struggling Cloud.

They awaited Squall’s next attack. Instead of attacking, he turned toward Cloud, planted his sword in the ground, and held his fingers to his forehead. A green aura surrounded him as he did this. Then, Squall pointed his hand toward his injured ally. The green aura traveled to his arm and jumped onto Cloud, shining a healthy, green light upon him. Suddenly, Cloud was on both feet again, fully recovered.

“NO!! We almost had him! Shit!” Link shouted, upset, and kicking the ground.

“Take it easy, Link. Lose your mind and you lose the battle.” Mario said, trying to calm Link down. “We’ll just change our focus. Squall will feel the hurt, now.”

“That’s a definite.” Link agreed, glaring at Squall.

“You guys are pretty good. You’re actually a lot better than we expected.” Cloud commended. “Me and Squall never needed to heal each other until now.”

“But that’s as close as you’ll get to beating one of us. We’re not holding back anymore.” Squall declared.

“Oh, trust us, neither are we. We’re just getting warmed up.” Mario countered, setting his hands on fire while Link suddenly whipped out his Fire arrows.

“Oh really?” Cloud said.

“Yeah, really.” Link shot back.

“Better cool you down, then.” Cloud offered.

He flipped his sword behind him, temporarily sheathing it, and held his arms together outstretched while a bright blue aura sparkled around him. It gradually began snowing on Link and Mario’s side of the battleground. They held their hands out to catch some snow, trying to see if it was actually for real. Suddenly, the ground froze and sent a sub-zero stalactite up under their feet. The sudden ice pillar encased them both in an icy prison, then shattered, returning the field back to normal. Mario and Link were both dealt 2004HP of damage.

“That was Blizzaga. I hope it wasn’t too cold for you.” Cloud said with a smirk.

“Shut up…” Mario said with a shivering quiver in his voice. “Link?”

Mario just then noticed a still-frozen Link. He stood as still as an ice-sculpted statue.

“No, it froze you!” Mario shouted.

He then reached down his shirt, searching through his inventory.

“I hope this works…” Mario said, whipping out a red can, labeled “Able Juice”.

He opened the can and poured the clear liquid all over the biting-cold ice cube. As soon as the juice touched the ice, it began melting at a rapid rate. Soon enough, Link was completely free, dropping to his knees and curling himself into a ball while hugging himself to keep warm.

“WHAT IN NAYRU’S HOLY NAME WAS THAT?! THAT WAS COLDER THAN THE BLUE FIRE IN THE ICE CAVERN!!!” Link screamed at Cloud, violently shaking from the cold.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s over now. Just get back into battle position.” Mario said.

“Yeah, it’s my turn anyway.” Link said, whipping out an ice weapon of his own: his Ice arrows.

“Hold it, Link.” Squall halted. “You were frozen when it was your turn, so your turn was skipped. Mario just saved you, so it’s my turn. Sorry.”

“WHAT?!!” Link boomed in rage. “GODAMNIT, YOU BASTARDS ARE SO FREAKIN’ CHEAP!!!”

“Say what you want, but we both know just can’t match our skill.” Squall replied.

“You mean cheapness!” Link shot back. “Don’t confuse cheapness with skill!”

Without even replying, Squall held his sword horizontally, with each hand on one end of his gunblade. Link expected the next attack to be directed toward him and braced himself for the gunblade’s impact. Instead, and very suddenly, shining in a powerful red aura, Squall rushed toward Mario and dealt him four devastatingly explosive hits from the Lionheart. But that wasn’t all. He reared his sword back as red power streaks shot out from his body. He then swung his sword up hard, jumping into the heavens with a rising slash. He slashed the very air around Mario, leaving a wind-rip to finish him off. No exact amount of HP loss needed. Mario was finished.

Link just stood by, stupefied by what he just witnessed and seething to the point where he couldn’t even speak.

“My Limit Break: Renzokuken, followed by Rough Divide.” Squall simply said.

“And here comes mine: Climhazzard.” Cloud added as he was surrounded by an orange aura.

Without warning, he then zipped across the field with his arm and sword fully extended and skewered Link, and leaped into the air with the sword, leaving a severe slash on Link. A red trail of pain was left behind even after Cloud finished the move. Once again, the amount of HP loss was irrelevant. Link was defeated, as well.

Cloud and Squall sheathed their swords as they looked at the downed Mario and Link.

“I have to hand it to them: they did pretty good considering the odds.” Squall complimented. “I almost felt sorry for them when we got serious. If they knew I beat Omega Weapon, I doubt they would’ve been so quick to fight.”

“You didn’t beat Omega Weapon, you just landed the last hit. Don’t forget, you needed two others to help you take him down.” Cloud reminded Squall. “I, on the other hand, single-handedly took down Ruby Weapon.”

“Whatever. What I’m trying to say is that we’re the best, and when you mess with the best, you end up like the rest.” Squall stated.

“That… was so… corny.” Link muttered, face-down.

Cloud and Squall quickly unsheathed their weapons once again and faced the weakly-stirring Hero of Time. They noticed a pink ball of sparkling light creep out from under his hood. Once it was free, it flew over Link and circled his body, sprinkling a fine dust all over him. Eventually, the light dusted itself into nothingness. Link was now standing on both legs, hammer in hand and looking as tough as ever.

Cloud smiled when he saw Link conscious again.

“Thank Farore for Fairies.” Link sighed.

“Looks like you have more tricks up your sleeve than we thought.” Cloud said.

“Man, I got a whole bag of tricks to show you two! If you liked the last one, then you’ll love the encore.” Link said.

Link reached in back of him and pulled out another fairy in a bottle. He sent it over to Mario, who was instantly revived as well.

“Welcome back, Mario.” Link greeted.

“Great to be back, Link.” Mario replied. “Not so great for Squall, though. That move was so unfair…” He said, glaring at Squall. “You want to play cheap? I’ll give you cheap!”

With that, Mario squatted down as far as he could, then launched himself thousands of feet into the air. It looked like he just kept rising, able to give God a high-five if he wanted to.

“Wow… I knew he could jump… but DAMN.” Link uttered in pure awe.

They all just stared as Mario finally began his fall back down to the ground. Cloud and Link both realized that Mario’s landing pad would be Squall’s face. Squall just braced himself for the moment of impact.

SLAM!

“Super!” Mario shouted as his feet made contact with Squall’s head.

Mario’s feet landed hard onto Squall’s head, causing a shower of stars to fly out from the power. Mario’s attack wasn’t over yet. He managed to jump off Squall’s head and create an instant replay, soaring high into the sky and crashing back down to a helpless Squall.

SLAM! AGAIN!

“Jump!” Mario screamed as he pounded Squall’s head again.

Mario just kept repeating the process. Seeing they weren’t going to be doing anything for a while, Link and Cloud just sat on the ground, waiting for Mario to finish his attack.

An hour later…

“...Jump! …Super! …Jump! …Super! …Ju--” Mario mistimed the last jump and landed on the ground, finally ending his stream of jumps. “No! I messed up on the timing! And I was so close to 4000 jumps…”

“Are you done yet?” Squall asked.

“Unfortunately…” Mario muttered.

“Finally! You know, you took all my hit points after jump 52.” Squall said, finally falling flat on his face after having been dealt the maximum 9999HP of damage. Mario lost 120MP.

“Yes! One down and one to go!” Mario cheered, doing a small hop for joy.

He turned to Link, and was amazed to find him asleep. Immediately, he turned to Cloud, afraid he’d take advantage of the one-on-one situation. Surprisingly, he was asleep, too.

“This might be our chance to finish this!” Mario excitedly said to himself. “Link, wake up. I’m done.” He whispered, shaking him awake.

“Nah, Zelda-baby. You can’t be done before me. Just gimme two more seconds…” Link said sleepily as he was slowly humping the ground.

Mario undoubtedly felt awkward watching this. He did the best thing he could to end this scene quickly:

“Get up!” Mario kicked Link awake. 100HP.

“OW!! What the hell is your problem?! That took some of my HP!” Link shouted, angrily. His shouts of rage woke up Cloud.

“Awww, Link! You woke Cloud up! We could’ve just finished him right there in his sleep!” Mario angrily said.

“So what? It’s a two-on-one. What can he do to us? We got this, man.” Link confidently assured Mario.

“Wow… I never thought I’d have to use this against you guys, but I have no choice. Desperate times…” Cloud said.

He once again temporarily sheathed his sword and held his arms out in a power pose. Multi-colored scriptures and symbols floated into his posed body. Suddenly, he and Squall faded into transparency and simply disappeared.

“Are you for real? That was his desperate measure: runnin’ away like a pansy?” Link rhetorically asked, amazed. “I can’t believe this… I’m seriously disappointed! I wanted to win, but not like this. This is just sad. I actually wanted some more cheap crap.”

“I think you got your wish…” Mario lowly said, checking out his altered surroundings.

They were still standing on solid ground, but clouds could be seen rushing below them. It was as if they were rising rapidly into the sky.

“What the hell is goin’ on?!” Link demanded.

Suddenly, they came to a slow halt. Mario glanced to his side, and suddenly all color drained from his face.

“Oh… my… GOD!!” Mario stammered fearfully.

Link turned to see what had Mario so scared, and promptly had his heart frozen in horror. Both of them were staring into the yellow, pupil-less eyes of an enormous red dragon. The dragon stared at them for a second, cementing its shocking presence and verifying that this was indeed no trick. It really existed and it really was about to kill them.

Then, it started charging up a ridiculously powerful beam from its mouth. The dragon was charging the beam to be so strong that its head began shaking uncontrollably.

“Mario…” Link began, with his voice trembling. “How are we gonna dodge this?” He asked, fearing for his life.

“We don’t. We simply stand here and begin the staring contest with Death.” Mario bravely stated.

The dragon’s beam was fully charged at this point, with a blinding light being emitted from its mouth.

“Just promise me you will not blink.” Mario added.

The dragon then fired the beam straight at Mario and Link, engulfing them in an impossibly strong energy blast. The blast was so powerful that it disintegrated the plot of land they were standing on. They fell for what seemed like hours until they finally landed back on the Coliseum battleground. Link and Mario were both down on all fours… with 1HP each. As soon as they landed, Cloud and an unconscious Squall returned to their spots.

“Cheap… cheap… cheap…” Link muttered to himself over and over again.

“I can’t believe you two are still alive.” Cloud said, surprised. “I don’t know too many people that could survive a Terra Flare like that from Neo Bahamut. You guys are something else.”

“I’m actually with you. Even I can’t believe we’re still alive after that.” Mario admitted.

“I think I pissed in my pants…” Link murmured, embarrassedly.

“The battle will be over with, soon enough. After I finish you two, I’ll find you a change of clothes.” Cloud offered.

“Nah, that’s cool.” Link declined, gingerly rising to his feet. “And you’re right: the battle will be over. Very soon.”

He reached behind his shield and suddenly whipped out a bottle full of milk. This wasn’t any old milk. This was the world-famous (at least in Link’s world) LonLon Milk, guaranteed to make you feel like a million bucks after one sip. And Link took several big gulps, decimating half of the bottle. Full HP recovery!

“What?!” Cloud gasped in disbelief.

“Take the rest, Mario!” Link suggested and tossed him the half-full bottle.

Not wasting any time, Mario inhaled what was left of the drink and immediately jumped to his feet. Full HP recovery x 2!

“Wow, that was great! Next time I’m find myself in Hyrule, I need to pick up a few cases of that.” Mario said.

“No… This is grim…” Cloud groaned.

“Damn-right this is grim! And you’re about to get grimmed out!” Link warned, foreshadowing Cloud’s imminent defeat.

They still had to survive Cloud’s next attack. Surprisingly, all he attacked with was a Slash-All. He dealt 696HP to each of them and a surprisingly weak 582HP to Mario.

“That’s all you got left? Say good night!” Link stated.

Standing right where he was, Link whipped out his bow and armed himself with a Fire arrow. He shot it at Cloud and engulfed him in a fiery blaze. He then armed himself with an Ice arrow and aimed it right at the burning Cloud. As soon as it hit him, he was encased in an icy jail, frozen solid. Finally, Link reloaded with a Bomb arrow. He shot with true aim toward the trapped Cloud and freed him from his frozen hell, but blew him sky-high. He landed hard, and got 3153HP shaved off his life while Link only lost 36MP.

Mario simply followed up with another Super Jump attack, but not nearly as long as his last one: only for twenty jumps this time. After the last jump was landed, Cloud was dealt another 3153HP and Mario lost 52 of his magic points.

Cloud fell beaten to his knees, dropping his sword. He then slumped over on his side, lying unconscious on the ground. Mario and Link let out a long sigh of relief as they dropped to the ground as well, tiredly.

“Whew… We won. Now I feel better about it.” Link said.

“Me, too.” Mario agreed. “I’ve never faced anyone like them before. Whatever world they came from must be a trillion times more messed up than either of ours. I mean, look at the moves they used! I’m guessing if you don’t have moves like that, then you won’t survive a second there. Maybe they aren’t as cheap as we think.”

“Maybe…” Link thoughtfully sighed. “Let’s find a way outta here. I know they aren’t the only ones out here. We might even find Sora and his crew, if we’re lucky. They might know a way off this place.”

Mario nodded as they rose to their feet and made their way to the big, stone doors.

Before Mario took another step forward, he paused. Link turned to his partner with a concerned look, wondering what was wrong.

“Why is the battle music still playing?” Mario wondered.

Suddenly, a bright light shined behind them. What they saw when they turned around could've shocked them to death if they had weaker hearts.

“No… freakin’… way…” Link uttered after seeing a gigantic, majestic bird floating over the unconscious Cloud and Squall.

The bird then attacked Link and Mario with a searing blast of flames, while shedding its fiery red feathers all over Squall and Cloud. Then, almost as quickly as it appeared, the bird vanished. Squall and Cloud were both fully revived. Mario and Link were dealt 1234 damage each.

“It’s a good thing I linked up that Final Attack materia with Phoenix.” Cloud said as he got up.

“Unbelievable… We had you two beat! Why couldn’t you just stay down?” Mario said, irritated.

“Did you two stay down for us when we beat you?” Squall countered.

“That’s different! We have a quest to complete! We got girls to save and bad guys to murk! We can’t lose!” Link argued.

“Sorry, but we have to win this one. You wouldn’t understand the reason why.” Squall said.

“Listen, we don’t have to fight anymore. We can just call it even, right here.” Cloud offered. “I know you guys don’t belong here and I know you two want to leave. Forfeit and let us go on.”

“Sorry, Cloud, but we finish what we start. We’re going to keep going until only one of us is left.” Mario stated, with Link nodding in agreement.

“Then I guess this is it. We’re going to have to put you down for the count.” Squall said, charging up his Limit Break. “Just don’t say we didn’t give you a chance.”

He jumped at Mario with another Renzokuken, attacking him with eight relentless slashes. After that, Squall charged up again, signifying his onrush wasn’t over. He hit Mario up into the air, and went completely ballistic on him with the Lionheart, hitting him an uncountable number of times. After the final hit from Squall, Mario fell hard to the floor, bouncing off the ground before lying still, which counted for extra damage. He was, without a doubt, annihilated.

“Lionheart.” Squall simply stated.

Link watched the entire brutalization in horror, terrified by how cheap the move was. When the unconscious Mario landed next to Link, his terror turned into uncontrollable rage. He became so enraged that he held his head in anguish and fell to his knees.

“AAAAUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!! I CAN’T TAKE THIS CHEAP SHIT ANYMORE!!!” Link screamed in true anger.

As he screamed, he started shining. This wasn't any old shining. This was the type of shining that could blind people. This was the type of shining that could be seen through closed eyes. If the stars could see Link, they'd be profoundly jealous.

“What is he doing?” Cloud asked with a hint of fear, gripping the hilt of his sword tighter.

“No… This better not be what I think it is…” Squall said, worried.

Link was beaming at this point, and, suddenly, a flash of light exploded from his body. His tunic and hood turned white and he gained some light-weight, but strong, body armor. His Megaton Hammer had been replaced by a long, silver, double-handed sword in the shape of a sharp figure-eight. His face had also changed: his hair and eyes were completely white, and he wore red war paint below his eyes as well as blue war paint across his forehead. Cloud and Squall were now standing in the presence of Oni Link, who was standing up straight, looking utterly fearless, intimidating, and unquestionably menacing.

“NO! This is a Trance!” Squall exclaimed in shock. “This is the ultimate in Limit Breaks. Not only do you get new abilities, but you’re also intensely stronger than you were before. If any of this is true, then it’s over for us. We can’t beat him the way he is now.”

“But we have to try.” Cloud stated.

He held his sword up in the air, gathering all the strength he could. At the tip of his blade, a shining white light brightly burned. Cloud then ran up to Oni Link and went wild on him. Cloud wildly and mercilessly slashed Link multiple times with all he had. He then jumped into the air with his sword still shining and dropped down to deliver the final fatal blow.

“Omnislash!” Cloud stated the exact moment his sword contacted Link’s body.

The grand total of Cloud’s ballistic barrage: 1HP. And that was only because a speck of dust flew into Oni Link’s eye as Cloud attacked.

“No… NO! That’s impossible! That was my strongest Limit Break!” Cloud shouted in complete disbelief.

Keeping his serious and threatening expression on his face, Oni Link then pulled out his bow and rapidly peeled both Squall and Cloud with over a hundred golden arrows. Each arrow hit with a spectacular splash of golden light. He then finished them off with a blast from Din’s Fire, engulfing them in a blazing dome of scalding flames and unbearable heat. Instant and inarguable death for both of them.

“Beaten again…” Cloud muttered, dropping his sword. “…at our own game, too. I guess we’re not as good as we thought. Congrats, Link.” He said, dropping to the ground and fading away.

Squall was leaning on his gunblade, but he couldn’t stay up much longer. He began chuckling to himself.

“Aeris has her work cut out for her tonight. You guys beat us up pretty good. Just make sure you do the same to the first seed. Good luck.”

Finally, Squall fell off his blade and landed on his side, also fading away.

With a flash of light, Link reverted back to normal. He stood stunned for a second, amazed by what he just accomplished. He stared at his hands in disbelief. A slight smirk curled his lips. Then, he enthusiastically threw his fist into the air victoriously, cheering wildly for himself. The victory theme from Final Fantasy VIII sounded off and Link gained 300,000 experience points. Level up x 8!

“Oh YEAH!! You can’t touch the Hero of Time! His gallant fanfare blared through the Coliseum, drowning out the victory theme as he continued to cheer for himself. “I am the MAN!!” He then looked over to Mario, who was still completely unconscious and shook his head. “Man, you’re lucky I still have one more fairy.” Link said and sent it his way.

Mario was up in an instant. He glanced around, only to find himself and Link alone in the middle of the Coliseum.

“What happened to Cloud and Squall?” He wondered.

“I beat them! Single-handedly, too!” Link said.

“No you didn’t. You’re not that powerful.” Mario said, not believing Link’s claim.

“Do you see them here, now? I’m tellin’ you, man: I murked them to death!” Link repeated.

“If you have power like that, why the hell didn’t you just do that in the beginning?!” Mario shouted.

“I had no idea I could do that without the Fierce Deity Mask! I just got extremely pissed and let my rage take over. It was like I was in a trance…” Link explained. “Either way, it doesn’t matter. I don’t plan on gettin’ into anymore RPG battles. Those things are too freakin’ organized. I just like beatin’ people half-way to death without havin’ to wait for ‘my turn’.”

“Yeah… I like RPG battles, but I’m pretty fond of merciless beat-downs too.” Mario said. “Alright, let’s get out of here before something inexplicably grim happens.”

Almost as soon as he said that, it grew extremely dark as black clouds covered the sky. Something inexplicably grim was about to happen.

“I don’t believe this… Why did I even say anything?” Mario muttered as he prepared for another battle.

Suddenly, a huge bolt of lightning hit the ground with stupendous brilliance and a man with long, white hair appeared. He had a black trench coat, one large, evil-looking black wing, and the longest, deadliest sword anyone has ever seen. Just glancing at it would make anyone suddenly realize life could be over at any second.

“Who is he?” Mario managed to utter to Link.

“Damnit…” Link muttered. “We’re still in the Kratos Cup tournament. That’s gotta be the first seed.”

The man faced Mario and Link, simply staring at them. They stared back at him, terrified beyond comprehension. The white-haired man suddenly shot his left arm out. Reflexively, his single wing shot out as well, scattering black feathers onto the ground. The very air around the feathers became distorted and trembled from the power they emitted. As they landed, several visible cracks appeared in the hard, stone floor. Music began playing in the background: terrifying music that forecasted an imminent and nigh-inescapable slaughtering.

“Do you hear the music?” Link’s trembling voice questioned. “Do you hear the godamn music?!”

“Look at that…” Mario muttered, watching the black down float to the ground. “His feathers, alone, have enough power to crack the stone! I know I don’t have to say this, but we really need to leave. RIGHT NOW!!”

“You will not escape my wrath. The wrath of the chosen one: Sephiroth.” He proclaimed as his foreboding theme song reached a crescendo. His voice had a slight echo to it. Even his voice had power!

Resting the tip of his blade into the ground, Sephiroth held out his left hand. A black orb appeared in a spark of dark energy and levitated above his palm. It looked similar to the yellow materia Cloud showed them earlier; a Black Materia, one could say.

“I shall take you to the Promised Land.” He said.

It then rose into the sky, parting the clouds as it traveled into space. The clouds spread so far apart that Mario and Link could see the brilliant, starlit shine of the night sky. It would’ve been an awe-inspiring scene if they didn’t catch a glimpse of an enormous, flame-engulfed meteor careening directly toward the Coliseum at an impossible speed for something so gigantic.

“I don’t have to tell you what’ll happen to us if we’re still here when that thing hits, right?” Mario said, terrified to the point where he was just impartial to it.

“We’ll get outta this! Just lemme think for a second.” Link said as the environment around them turned a burning red.

“Judging by that thing’s speed, we have thirty seconds to live. It better be a second!” Mario shouted.

“Got it!” Link exclaimed. “I have a spell called Farore’s Wind. With this, we can teleport the hell outta here quickly and safely. The only problem is I have no idea where it’s gonna take us. I’m supposed to make a warp-point to teleport to, but like you can tell, I didn’t do that.” He explained as the stands of the Coliseum began to catch fire.

“It’s better than being crushed by a gigantic meteor! USE IT!!” Mario screamed.

Link used it about the same time Meteor entered the planet’s atmosphere. The Coliseum went up in a spectacular blaze just after the spell was cast.

Seconds later, Mario and Link found themselves flying up-right through a twisting vortex. They could only wonder where and how this was going to end.

“When do you think we’ll get out of here? These swirling walls and flashing green colors are seriously making me sick. I think I’m about to have a seizure…” Mario complained as he uneasily held his head.

“Stop whinin’. You saw what we just escaped. Compared to that, seizures are nothin’.” Link said. “We’re like… two seconds away from exitin’.”

“How can you tell?” Mario asked.

Link pointed to the end of the vortex: a solid green wall. The distance between them and the wall was decreasing at a rapid rate.

“You know what? I’m just going to turn around and close my eyes. If we live, please, don’t hesitate to let me know.” Mario said casually and turned around.

They crashed through the wall with incredible force and got thrown onto new solid ground. Both of them got up and checked out their surroundings. The terrain seemed very alien. The sky was cloudless, with an orange tint to it. Mario and Link caught a glimpse at the new environment's massive sun, floating in the middle of the sky. Even though the humongous sun would suggest an unbearably hot environment, the atmosphere was actually surprisingly comfortable.

“I don’t know this place at all… I don’t even think it’s in our galaxy. But check it: at least we can breathe.” Link said with a toothy grin, trying to lighten the mood.

“I was really hoping we’d miraculously end up where we needed to be. I guess you remembering you had Farore’s Wind was the miracle for the day.” Mario said, sarcastically.

“Lighten up, you pessimistic bastard! We just escaped death by the width of a pubic hair!” Link shouted, angrily. “Our luck’s gotta change for the better from here.”

“Pah…” Mario huffed hopelessly.

He then caught a glimpse of a metallic orange metal hull of some sort. He turned his complete attention to it and realized there was a windshield and, what seemed to be, thrusters on the bottom. Finally, proving his suspicions correct as he took notice of the aerodynamic shape, Mario cracked a hopeful smile.

“You know what? Maybe our luck is changing. Look.” Mario said as he pointed out the space ship he was studying.

Link looked in the direction Mario was pointing and was ecstatic.

“Yo! With this, we won’t have to run around lookin’ for warp-pipes anymore! Let’s snatch it!” Link enthusiastically suggested.

“You read my mind. I’m a firm believer of ‘Finders-Keepers’.” Mario said.

They both checked the ship for an entrance. They spent a good amount of time searching, but to no avail. The craft seemed impenetrable.

“What the hell? How do you have a ship with no entrance?!” Link shouted as he was crawling around, looking for an entrance under the ship.

“Oh, there is an entrance. Just not for you two to find.” A feminine voice told Link.

Mario heard the new voice and spun around. He was just in time to see Link and a new, grim predicament.

“Ugh…” Mario groaned as he disappointedly hung his head. “Link, whatever you do, do not make any sudden movements. Just turn around very, very slowly.” Mario warned.

Link carefully heeded Mario’s words and turned a very slow one-hundred and eighty degrees. Eventually, he was staring down the barrel of an arm cannon, which was charging up for a powerful, face-altering blast…
_______________

It's a long one, but you'll get through it. Besides, if you think this is long, you've seen nothing yet!

See ya when I see ya.

[13usta]

that last act made me wanna play ff7!

[13usta]

dude i need my fix!

[ZeekeXIV]

And your fix you shall get.
______________________

Act 6: Anything For A Girl (Part 1)

“Mommy…” Link whined as the heat emitted from the arm cannon made him sweat.

“What were you two planning to do with my ship?” The armor-suited girl demanded.

Most of the armor was metallic orange, except for the chest-area and the helmet which was red, and the abdomen and inner-thigh area which was a goldenrod yellow. Although she was armored from head to toe, it seemed like she could be very agile with it.

“It doesn’t even make sense to lie…” Mario sighed. “We were planning on stealing it to fly off this planet.”

The girl responded by shooting an abnormally large missile from her charged-up cannon at Mario’s feet. The impact sent him flying straight-upward and had him crashing down a few seconds later.

“I told you the truth so you wouldn’t do that!” Mario shouted angrily.

“Don’t expect your attempted crime to go unpunished just because you’re honest.” The armored girl spat.

Mario unsteadily rose to his feet while the girl kept her cannon fixated on him. They stared at each other heatedly. What broke Mario’s focus was the soft weeping he heard. He looked toward Link, who was still on his knees in front of his captor. He could see single little droplets slightly wetting the ground near Link’s knees.

“Link… Don’t tell me you’re crying…” Mario muttered, disappointedly.

“I’m not cryin’… When she shot that missile, some dust flew into my eye. …and I’m allergic to dust.” He sobbed.

Mario paused, drowning in his disbelief.

“Let’s just put this in perspective: you took out Cloud and Squall in one swift turn, and you figured out how we could dodge a meteor. After that, anything should be possible to you.” Mario explained. “But when big, bad Samus comes and sticks you up with her little power cannon, you’re suddenly a weakling and a crybaby.”

“Samus…?” Link pitifully muttered.

“Yes, Samus. The very same Samus you beat in the Smash semi-finals.” Mario said.

The whole time, Link was focused on the arm cannon in his face. Slowly glancing up, he took a look at her face. Instead of a face, he saw a full helmet covering her entire head. The only part of her face that was somewhat visible, because of a light-green see-through visor, was a slim, slender nose and a pair of piercing eyes. But to Link, these eyes were far from intimidating. He couldn’t forget those eyes. He knew for sure it was her. Her introduction theme from Metroid Prime majestically sounded off in his head.

“Hi…” Link timidly greeted.

“Hello, Link.” Samus replied, still sounding annoyed.

“Okay. So how long are you planning on sticking us up?” Mario wondered.

“As long as it takes for my anger to subside. It hasn’t been a good day for me, and you two trying to steal my ship didn’t exactly brighten my mood.” She said.

“Not a good day…” Link murmured to himself. “Was it one of those days?” He asked Samus.

“What do you mean?” She questioned, slightly puzzled.

“You know what I mean, shortie. One of those days females go through every now and then.” Link said.

Although he couldn’t see it, Link’s comment left a thoroughly shocked look on Samus’s masked face. No one ever talked to her like that before.

“You don’t have to say anythin’. Me and Mario are here for you.” Link promised, still on his knees, but holding Samus’s left hand.

“No, I’m not…” Mario rejected.

“Well… I’m here for you.” Link corrected, now pulling her hand over his heart.

“You won’t be here at all if you don’t let go of my hand.” She threatened.

Link immediately relinquished his hold on Samus and hopped to his feet, backing up towards Mario.

“Well, you might be havin’ a crappy-ass day, but it can’t be worse than mine and Mario’s.” Link said.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Samus said.

With that, Link began telling Samus what they’d been through up until the current moment with enhanced narration: although Link did tell what they went though, he added his own special twist to certain aspects, especially those dealing with him.

“Interesting…” Samus finally replied after hearing Link’s rendition of his and Mario’s adventure. She was torn halfway between belief and disbelief.

“You know, our adventure is unbelievable enough already.” Mario said. “Why you had to include random explosions and you elbowing little girls in the head is beyond me.”

“Hey, I didn’t tell you everythin’ I went through before we met up. What I’m sayin’ is legit.” Link assured.

“Despite some blatant exaggerations, that does explain why you’re here…” Samus said. “I still believe I have had the worse day.”

“We’ll be the judge of that.” Link replied, giving a sly wink and a smile to Samus while nudging Mario's arm.

Samus could only lower her eyelids in disappointment while Mario sighed, agitatedly.

“As I was about to say…” Samus continued. “I was on my way to Tallon IV to collect a few more upgrades for my suit for another mission I chose to accept. As I passed by Zebes, my radar picked up numerous bogies ready to ambush me…”

A flashback ensued…

“WARNING! NUMEROUS ENEMIES OBSTRUCTING PATH. SPACE PIRATES.”

“What? Screen.” Samus ordered.

In the windshield of her ship, a new screen appeared, displaying Samus’s new threat.

“Flying Pirates? Modified for galactic combat?” She was slightly surprised. She thought she had put an end to their operations with the defeat of Mother Brain.

“These must be the few remaining forces…” She concluded.

“AWAITING ORDERS.”

“Engage the enemy. Destroy as many as possible.” She commanded.

With the ship on auto-battle, the computer took control of the craft and began its assault on the modified Pirates. The forces were weak, as the ship only needed its main gun to take out the lot of them.

Suddenly, the ship felt as if it took a direct hit, lurching hard to the side.

“DAMAGE ASSESSED: SHIELDS DOWN 15%”

Samus knew there was only one attack the Flying Pirates had that could cause that much damage: their suicide-dive. At that that moment of realization, Pirate after Pirate took turns trying to destroy the spaceship while destroying themselves.

“Computer, switch to manual control.” Samus ordered.

With that, Samus began maneuvering the ship as best as she could, but soon realized she was way over her head. One of the Pirates managed to get in close and aimed right for the ships thrusters. At the last possible second, Samus saw the threat and jerked left. The Pirate missed the ship, but exploded right near the ship’s thrusters, throwing it out of control.

As she fought to regain control, the Pirates saw their golden moment of opportunity. The majority of the remaining forces opened fire, showering Samus’s spaceship with various plasma shots and missiles.

“SHIELDS DROPPING AT A RAPID RATE. DESTRUCTION IMMINENT.”

“We’ll be fine! Just stay hopeful.” Samus reassured her computer.

Unfortunately, a Flying Pirate flew in for a final kamikaze attack. A direct hit was dealt to the thrusters, taking them completely offline, as well as sending the ship spiraling helplessly out of control.

“WARNING! WARNING! ALL THRUSTERS ARE NONFUNCTIONAL.”

The situation was dire, but Samus was never one to panic. Luckily for her, the Pirates thought she was finished and left her to float endlessly into the deepest regions of space. Planet Zebes was also in the vicinity. Using the force of recoil from her ship’s weaponry, she managed to guide herself down to Zebes’s surface.

“…the landing was especially difficult. I didn’t realize the hit took most of my breaks out, too. I’m just glad this starship was built to last! I was able to slow the ship down enough so I could angle it to skid to a stop on the planet’s surface.”

“Damn…” Link uttered. “I still think we had the suckier day.”

“So what are you going to do now, Samus?” Mario asked.

“What else can I do? I’m going to fix my ship.” She said. “The Space Pirates used to use to occupy this planet. If I can find one of their bases, I’m sure I can find the materials I need to repair the breaks and thrusters.”

“We’ll help you out with that. The three of us will find what we need faster than if only one of us was lookin’, right?” Link asked, waiting for an answer.

“Yes…” Samus agreed, although slightly reluctant to accept assistance.

“Then let’s get goin’!” Link said as he slipped an arm around Samus’s waist and started walking. Samus shoved him off and walked ahead.

“You’re a smoooooth operator, Link.” Mario said as he patted Link on the back and followed Samus.

“Yeah, whatever…” Link muttered and tagged along.

We now join G1G4 B0W53R and Ganondorf in Final Destination.

“That transformation ain’t doin’ shit for you, dawg. You're jus’ a bigger and easier target to hit.” Ganondorf said with a cocky smirk.

The two started a ten-stock match. Considering Ganondorf’s confidence, anyone can easily see that he 0wn3d the entire bout. Ganondorf had five stock, Giga Bowser only had one left.

“fux0r j00, j00 ch34p b45t4rd! t3h tr4n5f0rm4t10n m4k35 m3 5l0w3r 4nd 1 l4g! bu7 w1th my 1-3-3-7 5k1ll5, 1’ll 5t4rt pwn1ng j00 l1k3 t3h n00b j00 4r3!!11!” Giga Bowser shouted and bellowed a belly-derived roar.

“Please, is that supposed to scare me? I got this, son! You’re done!” Ganondorf said and ran at Giga Bowser, but as he got closer he noticed the area on Giga Bowser’s left and right sides was becoming distorted. “What the…”

The distortions slowly began to take the form of two bodies. Then, a sudden burst of lightning hit them, making them fully visible.

“Nah, man! That’s bullshit!” Ganondorf said as he stared at two new enemies.

On Giga Bowser’s left: Mewtwo. On Giga Bowser’s right: Ganondorf II.

“This is inevitability.” Mewtwo proclaimed. “I will show you why I am the ultimate Pokemon.” He said as sparks of psychic energy shocked the air around him.

“This is how it is, dawg.” Ganondorf II said. “Can you rock wit’ us?” He asked as he held a fist up glowing with hazy dark energy.

“How the hell is there another Ganondorf here? I’m the real deal!” Ganondorf shouted.

“ph34r my 133t h4x0r sk1ll5!” Giga Bowser exulted.

Ganondorf II and Mewtwo both entered with one stock, but combined with Giga Bowser, Ganondorf’s chances of winning looked very glum.

“‘ph34r’, my ass! I’ll murk you all! Y’all can’t handle the G-dorf!” Ganondorf said and charged at the crew.

Giga Bowser was the first to react, unleashing a spinning shell. His move was modified in his giga-form, now possessing the ability to freeze any poor sap caught by this attack in a frigid cage of ice. The poor sap this time around was Ganondorf. Mewtwo got in close and seeped in painful dark energy with his dark-hand attack while G-II (Ganondorf II) charged up a Warlock Punch.

Before the punch could connect, Ganondorf freed himself from the ice and cleared the area with a forceful Wizard’s Foot. The move hit all three of his adversaries, sending Mewtwo and G-II flying a little. Giga Bowser’s massive girth kept him from even budging. Once Ganondorf landed, Giga Bowser clapped him with a dark fist, giving Mewtwo and G-II time to recover while Ganondorf painfully landed on his back. Quickly recovering, he then jumped into the air toward Giga Bowser, but G-II was there to meet him as he hit Ganondorf with a double-footed force stomp. Ganondorf was spiked so quickly and so hard into the ground that he bounced up once he hit the floor. Immediately following, Giga Bowser slammed him with an explosive giga headbutt, sending him flying into oblivion and stealing one stock. Ganondorf respawned, looking pissed and evilly staring them down.

“You people are f**kin’ cheap.” Ganondorf said. “But even that shit you pullin’ won’t save yo’ asses. One-by-one, you’ll all be feelin’ it.” He promised and charged again toward Mewtwo.

Mewtwo returned the gesture and charged at Ganondorf as well. Just when they were about to crash into each other, Ganondorf quickly rolled backward, expecting Mewtwo to do the same. Mewtwo, being a psychic, read Ganondorf’s failed fake-out all too easily and continued to glide closer to G-dorf, finally grabbing him and shocking him with paralyzing mind-waves. G-II and Giga Bowser jetted towards the helpless Ganondorf and relentlessly smacked him around with light, but effective slashes and punches. Ganondorf was being hit from all sides and couldn’t move.

“THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!” Ganondorf screamed. “GET OFF ME, SON!! LET ME F**KIN’ GO!!!”

“As you wish…” Mewtwo said and used his psychic powers to swirl Ganondorf around him and launch him upward. He was thrown so high that he vanished into the background. Ganondorf respawned again with three lives this time.

“You motha-f**kas are jus’ wrong.” Ganondorf said as he landed on the battleground from the respawn pad.

“You’re wrong, mofo. What we doin’ is all legal.” G-II corrected. “This is a three on one, baby. You thought this was gonna be easy? We got you on lock, son! You ain’t gonna kill none of us!” G-II stated confidently.

“I’ma kill all three of you, mark my words, son. And I’ma start wit’ you.” Ganondorf said, pointing to his clone.

“j00 h4v3 t0 g3t thr0ugh m3, f1r5t, j00 n00b!” Giga Bowser stated and resumed his fighting stance.

This time, Mewtwo took the initiative by charging up a Shadow Ball. Ganondorf tried to stop him with a Gerudo Dragon, but Giga Bowser protected his battle ally by slamming the ground with a massive Giga Bowser Bomb. The impact radius knocked Ganondorf into the air, letting G-II take advantage of Ganondorf’s helplessness with a Dark Drive. After an explosion of dark energy, Ganondorf flew off the edge of the stage and began to fall. Mewtwo finished charging his Shadow Ball and glided a little towards the edge to greet him just in case he returned. Ganondorf recovered in mid-fall and began trying to double-jump back to the stage.

Aiming to guarantee another stock lost for G-dorf, G-II decided to jump off the stage to try to catch him with a heavy fist. Ganondorf saw G-II coming and reacted with a Dark Drive of his own, grabbing G-II in mid-air and blowing him away into the side of the stage. Gaining an extra jump, Ganondorf hopped once again and managed to grab onto the edge. G-II recovered from the attack and tried to return to the edge as well, but Ganondorf was still hanging on and blocked his way. Edgehog bonus! G-II ended up falling into the depths of oblivion.

Ganondorf hopped back up to the battle field and taunted Mewtwo and Giga Bowser, curling himself into a ball and spinning once while laughing. Little did he know that Mewtwo’s Shadow Ball was fully charged… While Ganondorf was laughing, Mewtwo launched the ball and blasted him into the next dimension! He shortly returned with two lives left.

“Your cockiness will be your downfall.” Mewtwo said as Ganondorf hopped down from the respawn pad.

“Please, I still got two lives left and there’s only two of ya’ll now. If you don’t know, y’all are ‘bout to get rocked like never before!” Ganondorf threatened and charged again.

FAST FORWARD…

After getting horribly screwed, Ganondorf ended up with one life left while Giga Bowser and Mewtwo still had one life each. Cockiness was his downfall for that stock. Needless to say, things weren’t looking too good for Ganondorf.

“Yo, seriously, I feel violated. I got screwed so much, it might as well have been rape…” Ganondorf said, irritated.

“n0 3xcu535, j00 n00b! j00 4r3n’t l33t 3nuff t0 f1ght u5!! W3 PWN J00!!11!one!” Giga Bowser shouted and made the first move.

Ganondorf didn’t expect such a sudden move and got caught by a Koopa Klaw. As Giga Bowser was chomping away at Ganondorf, Mewtwo was attacking him with the dark hand. Ganondorf was able to escape the hold, jumped and force-stomped Mewtwo. While Mewtwo was flying high into the air, Ganondorf caught Giga Bowser with his Double Kick and sent Giga Bowser flying straight up into the air, as well. He followed up by double-jumping up to Giga Bowser and delivering the heavy fist, sending Giga Bowser off the stage this time. Giga Bowser attempted to come back with a Whirling Fortress. Ganondorf prepared to welcome him back with an explosive heel drop. Giga Bowser was fingernail’s length from the ledge, but it didn’t matter…

BLA-DOW!!!

Ganondorf let the heel drop, creating a small but very effective explosion. Giga Bowser was sent spiraling away so fast; he wrapped the fighting arena and disappeared into the background. Mewtwo finally landed from Ganondorf’s force stomp and attacked him with Galaxy Force. Ganondorf didn’t fly too high from the attack and recovered quickly to catch Mewtwo with a Dark Drive. He got knocked across the stage, almost off the edge, but caught himself and hopped to his feet. They reached a stalemate and glared at each other, intensely.

“So, it has all come down to this: the ultimate evil of Hyrule vs. the ultimate Pokemon. This may seem like the ultimate match, do not expect an even battle. You’re a brawler, or a fighting-type in my eyes. I can read all your moves like a book. It is impossible for you to win, trust me. If you admit defeat now, I will say to everyone that we are equal. But you and I will always know that I am far superior to you.” Mewtwo said with an evil glare.

“You seriously gotta be jokin’… There’s no way I’ma be even wit’ a damn Pokemon. Put ‘em up, M-dot. We doin’ this from start to finish.” Ganondorf said.

“Very well. Prepare for your end.” Mewtwo said and prepared another Shadow Ball.

Ganondorf ran toward Mewtwo to attempt to scare him out of the Shadow Ball, but he diligently continued to charge. Ganondorf decided to attack with a Wizard’s Foot at the last second. Predicting such a move, Mewtwo stopped charging the Shadow Ball and used Confusion. Ganondorf was flipped over like a pancake and fell face-first on the floor. Suddenly, he was sent flying back to the opposite side of the battleground because of Mewtwo’s Shadow Bomb attack. Finally finishing his charging of the Shadow Ball, Mewtwo held up his glowing fist and chuckled evilly.

“Do you see it now? My victory is inevitable!” He stated. “My offer still stands: give up and no one will know of your inferiority except you and me.”

Ganondorf only responded by menacingly stepping closer to his psychic adversary. Mewtwo stood his ground as Ganondorf came closer. Just when Ganondorf was close enough, Mewtwo let off a Shadow Blast. Ganondorf dodged the attack by sidestepping and grabbed Mewtwo, relentlessly burying his foot in his opponent’s stomach and finally slamming him into the ground. With a strong bounce, Mewtwo floated helplessly into the air, allowing Ganondorf to capitalize with a double-jump, followed by an aerial somersault kick. Ganondorf was successful in his attack and sent Mewtwo flying far off the stage. Mewtwo recovered in mid-air and attempted to come back to the arena.

“You can read all my moves, huh?” Ganondorf shouted. “Then I’m damn-sure you’ll be readin’ this! HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…” Ganondorf said as he charged up the Warlock Punch, trying to time it for when Mewtwo would show up at the ledge.

Before Mewtwo could even reach the ledge, he let off his Shadow Ball and caught Ganondorf in the face. Ganondorf was so lost in his offense, he forgot all about it! As he was flying away at lightning speed into the background, Mewtwo attempted to Teleport back to the edge to grab it. The recoil from the Shadow Ball pushed him too far back, though, leaving too much space between himself and the edge for him to grab on. Mewtwo began falling to his doom as Ganondorf started flying further and further into obscurity.

The burning question: who would fall first?

Back in reality…

“GANONDORF!!!” Bowser screamed angrily while pounding a nearby wall. “I can’t believe he was able to school me like that in my Giga form! Now I see why Gerudo men automatically become kings. They’re just unstoppable…” He said as he looked at the screen monitoring the match in Final Destination. The field was empty. “Where the hell are they?”

Just then, a large portal in the wall opened up and spit out one of the fighters. He looked around, scanning the area for the one he was just fighting. Unfortunately, all he saw was Bowser, looking just as confused and angry as he was. The crushing reality that he was the first one out hit him hard.

“F**K!!!” Ganondorf shouted in extreme anger and disappointment.

Mewtwo popped out of the wormhole a second later.

“Ha ha haaa… Remember this day, Ganondorf. You cannot beat a psychic.” Mewtwo said with an evil smile.

“Whatever, son… That match turned into bullshit as soon as yo’ cheap-ass showed up.” Ganondorf muttered, sounding uncharacteristically depressed.

“Hey, the match didn’t mean anything. It was just a sparring session, like you said. Don’t let the loss get to you.” Bowser said, sensing Ganondorf’s disappointment.

“Whatever, man.” Ganondorf sighed and walked away, leaving his secret room.

As soon as he left, Mewtwo began laughing, and continued laughing a taunting laughter. He received a sideways glance from Bowser.

“Whoa… I know it feels good to win, but you need to calm down a little. What’s so funny, anyway?” Bowser asked.

“I really did not win. I was the first to exit the portal, but I teleported back in so you would not see me. After Ganondorf was thrown out, I exited the portal again, making it seem like he was the first to fall.” Mewtwo explained with villainous content.

“You really are evil. You crushed his spirits, man!” Bowser said.

“I do not have time to be concerned with petty emotions. I merely took advantage of what I had available to me. I even passed him on my way back into the portal, but he failed to see me. If he wishes to think he lost, then so be it.” Mewtwo said, crossing his arms.

“Can’t argue with that…” Bowser shrugged. “Well, I’m gonna go make sure he doesn’t turn violent and do something grim to the girls. Maybe afterwards, we can all do something with them. You can use your psychic powers to make ‘em do things they wouldn’t voluntarily do.” Bowser suggested with a suggestive smile.

“I do not use my powers for something as menial as the manipulation of helpless women. More important matters are in need of my powers, such as the liberation of all Pokemon. Once I achieve that goal, we will take back the world that is rightfully ours.” Mewtwo said with a closed fist of determination.

“Ah, alright. Gimme a call if you need some help with that. I’m always ready to lend a hand in world domination.” Bowser offered.

“I appreciate your gesture, but I will require no additional assistance. I’ve had premonitions and I have seen my success time and time again. Nothing will stand in my way.” Mewtwo assured.

“With confidence like that, I doubt anything can. Good luck with that.” Bowser said.

“Farewell.” He said, suddenly disappearing.
______________________

That should hold you over until next week.

See ya when I see ya.

[13usta]

:D woooooo

[sakana]

This story rocks! Keep up the good work.

BTW is the story finished and just being posted periodically or are you writing it as you post?

[ZeekeXIV]

Surprisingly, I'm still not done with it yet, but I am writing the final act.

Or at least what I think will be the final act... I originally planned to have ten acts in this story, and I'm still sticking to it for the time being.

Just don't think this story is half done because we're past Act 5. That'd be a deadly mistake. We have a million (not literally) more chapters to go.

[Tenlaius]

I like the fact Link and Mario almost got their ass handed to them by Seperoith..poor Sora though..hehe. Keep them coming,the fact Link is flirting with Samus is funny.

[Onis]

Read all of this in the past few nights at work (I have slow times/fast times here, get some time to read in there) and I must say its very good. Very interesting read, not what I expected at all really. I'm even a bit anxious to read the next chapter, write on!

[ZeekeXIV]

I almost forgot to update here...

Here's another one of my favorite chapters.
_____________________

Act 6: Anything for a Girl (Part 2)

Finally re-joining Samus, Mario, and Link…

After dealing the many hostile creatures of Zebes and searching the planet’s bizarre stone environment, the trio closed in on what seemed to be a shelter of some sort.

“That it?” Link asked.

“It seems so…” Samus said.

The base looked like some sort of dome, mostly metallic, but rusting probably because of its long exposure to the harsh elements.

“This place looks pretty run down. You sure you’ll find what you need here?” Mario wondered.

“I hope so. We’ve been searching for hours and this is the only base we’ve found.” Samus said.

“So are we goin’ in or what?” Link asked, walking toward the entrance.

He found a closed octagonal doorway rimmed in a blue outline. He reached for the doorknob only to find out that there was none to speak of.

“Umm… doorknob?” Link turned to Samus, perplexed.

She shot a single plasma bullet at the door and suddenly, it opened. Mario and Link raised their eyebrows in surprise as they followed Samus into the old Space Pirate base. Immediately, they were impressed by the shape of the base’s interior. Even though the outside suggested it was old and decrepit, the inside looked like it was maintained every day.

“Wow, looks can be deceiving… I actually wouldn’t mind staying here for a while.” Mario said.

“That’s not a bad idea, Mario! We should stay here overnight.” Link suggested. “I mean, we’ve all been through some real insanity, today. It’s time for some chillination. What you think, Samus-baby?”

“I’m not your baby… and I guess it wouldn’t hurt if we rested here, briefly. Though I’m confused as to how this place still looks as if it’s being used.” Samus wondered.

“It must be safe since you got rid of all the Pirates, right? And you did say the Pirates that attacked didn’t follow you down to the surface, right? I say all signs point to ‘safe house’. I’m sure we’ll be fine here.” Mario assured Samus.

“Exactly what I was thinkin’. So since we’re stayin’, let’s set up the rooms. And I call dibs on a crib with Samus!” Link said, turning to Samus and smiling.

“Not even in your wildest dreams…” Samus said, shaking her head.

She spotted another door in the room, shot it open, and peeked inside. Beside the bed was a save station, which had the ability to recharge her suit to maximum performance. This room would be perfect for her, she thought.

“I’ll spend the night in this room. ALONE.” She enforced, glaring at Link.

“Whatever makes you more comfy, baby. Just tell me when you’re goin’ to sleep. I’ll be there to tuck you in.” Link said to Samus with a wink.

With a disgusted groan, Samus went into the room and let the door close with a sharp “clang”.

“You know…” Mario started. “I think you’re trying too hard to get Samus to like you. Right now, she probably thinks you’re just some creep trying to get under her suit. You should hear yourself. It’s pretty embarrassing.”

“Meh, she’s jus’ playin’ hard-to-get. I did the same things wit’ Zelda. Eventually, she gave into my undeniable charm and we got together.” Link boasted.

“Oh yeah, you’re still with Zelda…” Mario remembered. “…am I the only one who sees a problem here?”

“What problem?” Link wondered.

“You’re still with Zelda, but it’s pretty obvious that you’re trying to get close to Samus.” Mario said. “What’ll you tell them when they both meet up claiming to be your girlfriend?”

“That’s not gonna happen.” Link assured. “I’ve been plannin’ on breakin’ off this relationship I was in for a while, now. Zelda’s been actin’ more aggressive than she should be; tryin’ to make decisions for both of us and crap like that, like she’s the man of the relationship. I can’t be dealin’ with that! I’m the man in this relationship! I’m the Hero of Time!” Link paused as his valiant fanfare blared throughout the enclosed dome, smiling contently. “I can never get tired of that. But anyway, since she got kidnapped, that’s gotta be a reality-check for her. She can’t be the man if she can get kidnapped. She can’t be the man if she needs to be rescued. Hell, she can’t be the man because she’s not even a man! I’m a man. I can’t get kidnapped. I rescue the damsels in distress. Therefore, I’m the man of the relationship. In fact, I’m the man, PERIOD. Hopefully, she realizes all this after I save her.”

Mario chuckled a little. “You know, it almost sounds like you and Ganondorf plotted to kidnap Zelda just so you could show her all that. But you do realize you’re contradicting yourself, right? If you’re trying to show Zelda how defenseless she is and how she could never be ‘the man’, then why are you after Samus? She’s so far away from helpless… If she wanted to be the man in any relationship, she could. And I doubt anyone would be able to stop her…”

“Samus is different. Somethin’ about her makes me want her real bad, man… I can’t even explain it. Zelda is pretty and all, but Samus has that mystery factor that I can’t resist. And I can sense that she’s beautiful under that suit. Ever since the first Smash Brothers, I’ve wanted her.” Link explained. “I know I’m actin’ extremely immature right now, but all the foolishness I’m sayin’ is all I can think of. I guess I like her so much, I have problems sayin’ what I really wanna say. I want her to notice me for somethin’, even if it is for how goofy I am.”

“Well, you are being noticed. I guarantee that.” Mario stated. “You know what you should do? Stop all the idiocy and just be yourself. I’ve known you since the very first Smash Tournament, and I know you’re not as dumb as you’re acting now.”

“Yeah, I really should quit all that. Samus probably thinks I’m a blitherin’ dumbass.” Link sighed.

“That can be changed.” Mario said. “I say, tomorrow, start up a casual, normal conversation with her. Ask her about her favorite things and such. All in all, just make her feel like a woman. It’s as simple as that.”

“Sounds like a plan… Let’s try a mock convo. I’ll be myself and you’ll be Samus.” Link suggested.

“Are you kidding me? Do I look like I can think like a woman? That’s Luigi’s job, bless his foolish soul…” Mario said, looking up past the ceiling, to the sky.

“C’mon!” Link threw out his arms. “When we get to the Green Hill Zone, I’m bringin’ your bro back from the dead! The least you can do is act like a girl so I have a chance at scorin’ with Samus.”

“See, I haven’t even started acting yet and you've already failed. I’m not helping you do this so you score!” Mario stressed. “You know what? Let me sleep on it. If I decide to do it, I’ll wake you up early so you’ll have time to chat with her later on.”

Link smiled in response. “You’re the man. I already know you’ll do it. I’ll be up for that.” Link said and gave Mario a DAP (Author’s Note: DAP = Deserved & Appreciative Prop a.k.a. Gangsta High-Five). “Let’s find somewhere to sleep. I’m about to fall on the floor, man. I’m DEAD tired.”

“I’m sleepy, too. I haven’t seen a minute of rest ever since I left my house in Mushroom Kingdom! That seems like such a long time ago…” Mario said.

They climbed the stairway near the entrance to the base which led to a balcony and entered the first door on that level by pressing a button on the side of the doorway. Two invitingly comfortable beds awaited them in the room. Full-sized beds, too!

“Whoa, it’s like someone knew we were comin’! [/blatantforeshadowing] I call the left!” Link said and jumped onto the bed. “Ahhhhhh… Damnit, it never felt so good to lie down in a bed! I wish Samus was here with me.” Link said as he threw his weapons to the side and closed his eyes.

“I keep telling you… With that mentality, you won't get anywhere with Samus. She’s not like that!” Mario said. He waited for Link’s response, but realized he had quickly fallen asleep. “Hmm. Good night to you, too.” Mario said and flopped onto his bed, quickly falling asleep as well.

Later that night…

Link lied awake in his bed, face up, thinking about none other than Samus. He tried sleeping, but all his dreams would end the same way: him standing with Samus lovingly wrapped in his arms. It was driving him crazy.

“God, I can’t stop dreamin’ about her. I can’t wait until the mornin’. I need to see her now.” Link said to himself and quietly got up out of bed. “Mario? You awake?”

The only reply he got was loud snoring.

“Damn…” Link shook his head and walked toward Samus’s room.

Once he reached the door to her room, Link half-expected the entrance to be lined with proximity explosives. He figured Samus would take all the necessary precautions to protect herself from a possible intrusion, especially from him.

After hesitating to open the door, he slammed the button, dove into the room, then braced himself for anything that might happen. To his relief, everything remained calm. He found Samus out of her Varia suit and in her bed, fast asleep. She slept on her back, with one arm across her chest and the other under her covers. Her bed was right next to the save station. The soft light that radiated from the station shined onto Samus’s face, revealing her to be extremely beautiful. Her hair was long and golden-blond, her skin was a fair peachy-cream complexion, and her face was unrealistically pretty. Even though they were closed, her cerulean-blue eyes certainly wouldn't take away from her beauty if they were opened. For a battle-worn woman who wore a heavy power suit almost twenty-four-seven, she REALLY knew how to take care of herself. Link was so astonished by her beauty, that his heart skipped a few beats.

“Sweet Nayru…” Link managed to choke out, patting his heart trying to get it to beat normally again. “You’d destroy Zelda in a beauty contest.”

Link continued to talk to Samus, even though she was asleep. He slowly started walking toward her bed.

“Mario said I should talk to you in the mornin’, but I can’t wait that long, baby. I been havin’ dreams about us bein’ together… I needed to see you, now. Ever since I first saw you here, you’re all I been thinkin’ about… I know I been actin’ mad stupid since then. I’m sorry ‘bout that. It’s just that I like you so much… maybe even love you so much… that I can’t be myself. I guess I’m tryin’-- AGH!”

Link threw a hand over his screaming mouth to keep himself quiet. He silently cursed himself for not seeing Samus’s Varia suit and clumsily tripping over its leg. Even though there was some clamoring, it seemed like Samus didn’t hear anything.

“Damnit, that thing messed up my flow… What was I sayin’…?” He stood back and pondered. “Oh yeah… I guess I was just tryin’ to impress you. But I know you’re smarter than that. If I did impress you with the B.S. I was doin’, that’d kill what makes me so into you. I want a smart girl. I want a strong girl. I want you, girl. I want you… Samus.”

Link was now standing over Samus with his heart fluttering as he gazed at her peaceful, sleeping face. He suddenly looked away, feeling ashamed and disappointed.

“There’s no way I’ma be able to say anythin’ like that when she’s awake. I’ma be doin’ the same dumbass things again…” Link sighed, defeated. He looked towards Samus again. “Hopefully, you at least heard a sentence of what I said. I know it’d make you feel me just a little more than you are, now.” Link paused for a moment, simply staring at Samus. “Maybe you’ll be able to feel this…” He said as he lowered his head down to kiss Samus’s cheek.

Little did Link know that Samus had been awake ever since he tripped over the Varia suit. The charge of a high-powered arm cannon could be heard…

Meanwhile, with a loudly-snoring Mario…

“…lasagna… …ahh, pasta… …ravioli… …oohhh Mama Mia…”

BA-BA-BA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

“HHHHHUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!”

“WHOOoooOOOoooOOOAAAAoooo!!!” Mario screamed as the rumbling foundation made him fall out of bed. “What’s-a going on?” He looked to Link’s bed, noticing it was clear. “Where’s-a Link? And why am I-a talking like-a this?” Mario said in his famous Italian accent and ran toward Samus’s room. “Hey-a! Open-a the door! It’s-a me: Mario!” Mario shouted, pounding the door.

The door opened and Samus was standing in the doorway. She was wearing tight black shorts and a matching black sports bra.

“Samus! What’s-a going on-a here? I-a was-a sleeping-a and-a…” Mario stopped talking and closed his eyes, trying to gather himself. “Okie-dokie…” He sighed. “I heard an explosion. When I got up to check things, Link was missing.” Mario calmly explained in his “regular” voice.

“No, no. Everything is fine. Come see for yourself…” Samus said, leading the way into the room.

She pointed to the right of the doorway. There, Link was plastered against the wall, charred black and unconscious.

“I told him to wait until the morning…” Mario sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. “Anything for a girl, right, Link?” He glared at his unconscious body. “I’ll take care of him in the morning.”

“No, you don’t have to bring it up. It wasn’t anything serious. Besides, I’m sure he’s learned his lesson for the day: never try to kiss a woman who sleeps with her power cannon.” Samus said, stroking her arm cannon.

Mario uttered a laugh. “I guess that thing is detachable from your power suit. I’ll just peel him off the wall so we can let you get back to sleep.” Mario said.

A little while later, Mario and the still-unconscious Link were ready to head back to their room.

“Good night, Samus.” Mario said and left Samus’s room, carrying Link over his shoulder. “And sorry about this little episode.”

“Don’t worry about it.” She assured him as he slapped the button to close the door.

Before she closed her eyes, she thought about Link for a second. She couldn’t help but let a smile take over her face.

“Link…” She hummed, warmly, as she fell asleep.

Later that morning…

Link was the first one up and seemed to be perfectly fine despite what happened to him that night. He was up because he had to take the wickedest wizz.

“Gotta find the bathroom…” Link yawned in a half-asleep state while pushing the “open door” button.

As soon as he stepped outside, he was greeted by a simply unbelievable scene.

“Wow.” He muttered, simply refusing to believe what he was seeing.

He walked across the balcony and toward another door he hoped to be a bathroom. Success! It was a spotless, white-tiled restroom, complete with an auto-flush toilet! He stepped inside and stood over the toilet, finally relieving himself.

“Yes… Sweet, sweet liberation…” Link moaned.

As he emptied himself out, there were several explosions and a loud roar of pain. Some of the explosions were so strong, Link was wobbled off balance, missing his mark and sprinkling the toilet seat and the floor a little.

“Damnit…” He muttered as he finished up and cleaned after himself.

After washing his hands, he opened the door and stepped onto the balcony, about to return to his room. He was immediately greeted by a renegade spike, which flew directly into the wall beside his head.

“Wow… that almost sucked…” He muttered again still refusing to believe what was taking place right in front of him.

He finally made it back to his room and stepped through the doorway, pounding the button to close the door. As the door closed, a large, fiery explosion went off, creating strong winds and nearly knocking Link’s hood off. Completely unaffected, Link dropped back into bed and fell asleep.

A few minutes later, Link woke up again. This time, he just couldn’t sleep anymore. Suddenly, he remembered a dream he just had. He walked over to Mario’s bed and decided to check on him.

“Hey, Mario, you up yet? I gotta tell you about the craziest dream I had.” Link said as he shook Mario awake.

“Ugh…” He groaned as he lazily stirred. “You could’ve given me five more minutes… I was dreaming about killing Bowser. …in the worst way possible. It’s so bad, I can’t even tell you about it… It would ruin my image as a hero. So evil…” Mario shuddered. “Anyway, what is it?” He said sleepily while rubbing his eyes.

“It was freakin’ ludicrous! It all started with me havin’ to go to the bathroom. So I get up and go. But when I stepped onto the balcony, I see some crazy-ass things!” Link exclaimed.

“As opposed to normal-ass things?” Mario said.

“Just listen.” Link said, not appreciating Mario’s sardonic tone. “Samus was fighting Kraid right outside! Without her armor! She still had her arm cannon, but it looked like it wasn’t enough. The weirdest part was that Kraid had tentacles. LOTS of tentacles. It was pretty freakin’ nasty.”

“Alright, so Samus was getting beaten. And what were you doing?” Mario asked.

“I was like ‘wow’, but I still had to take a piss, so I just went to the bathroom and did my thing. I heard mad explosions and roarin’, and sometimes the ground shook, so I sprayed the sides a little. But I cleaned up!” Link quickly added after seeing a look of disgust on Mario’s face. “So then I washed my hands and stepped outside. Then, a renegade spike almost decapitates me! I was like ‘wow, again’, then I just went back to the room. The last thing I heard before I closed the door was a big-ass ‘BOOM’.”

“You mean to tell me you didn’t even once think about helping Samus?” Mario said, amazed at Link’s carelessness.

“I guess I kinda knew it was only a dream, but that piss felt too good to be only a dream…” Link remembered. “Besides, Samus killed Kraid before, right? And Kraid doesn’t have tentacles, right? That spells ‘dream’ to me.”

“Hmmm…” Mario headed towards the door and lightly tapped the button to open the door.

The door slowly opened, revealing that surely enough, Kraid really was outside, he really did have tentacles, and Samus really was getting murked really badly.

“HA HA HA!!! Pitiful Samus, you fell for our trap! You should know better… …know better than to think there’s a safe haven for you on Zebes!” Kraid shouted at Samus.

A battered Samus struggled to stand but got slapped across the face by one Kraid’s tentacles.

Mario closed the door and looked at Link with the utmost disappointment.

“Don’t look at me like that! I thought it was a dream! Samus wouldn’t fight without her armor!” Link said.

“Well, she is! And if we don’t help her out somehow, this will be our new home.” Mario said.

Link opened the door again and saw Kraid holding Samus in the air with his tentacles. Kraid had a strange look in his three eyes.

“I should kill you right now… …kill you by squeezing you until all your bodily fluids leak out of your pores… …squeezing you until your bones crack and shatter… …squeezing you until your brain oozes out of your ears… But in your current state, killing you would be too easy. You’re current state is not a hundred percent… I want you to face me again when you are.” Kraid said while squeezing Samus.

Samus could feel herself losing consciousness, but she could also faintly feel something slithering around her legs. Kraid’s tentacles…

“…but you’re not escaping me that easily! I want you to feel the same pain, mental anguish, and shame I feel…” Kraid held Samus so that her legs were pointing toward him, and used his tentacles to spread them apart. “This is payback! Payback for destroying Mother Brain… …payback for destroying me…” Kraid said as his tentacles inched closer and closer to Samus.

“What the hell is he doin’?” Link asked completely perplexed, turning to Mario. Mario’s face was pale with disbelief.

“I know that look… Bowser would get that same look whenever he was around Peach… If he does what I think he’s about to do…” Mario said, clenching his fist in anger as he lightly tapped the “door close” button.

“What?! Why are you closin’ the door? What’s he gonna do?” Link asked impatiently.

“I'm afraid of your reaction. He might hear you.” Mario said and motioned Link to come closer whispered what would happen in his ear.

All color was drained from Link’s face, leaving a horrified shade of pale. His pupils narrowed as he felt an anger unlike anything he’d ever felt before.

“NO!!! NOT TO SAMUS!!! THAT SICK FREAK!!! WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!!” Link freaked out. In blind fury, he was about to bullet out the door.

“Wait a damn minute!” Mario shouted, using all his strength to hold Link back. “If he sees us, we’ll all be in some seriously deep trouble. Those tentacles look pretty tough. It’s best if we get in there and do IMMEDIATE damage.” He glanced at Link’s Master Sword leaning against the wall. “I have an idea. Grab your sword and hold it out.”

With Link listening well, Mario started heating the sword up with fireballs from both of his hands. Mario fired the sword up to be so hot, the blade was burning red and the air around it became heat-distorted and wavy.

“Okay, you know what do when I slam that button…” Mario said.

Link only nodded solemnly.

Back outside…

Samus struggled weakly to free herself, but she was too beaten and exhausted to even scream. She closed her eyes and prepared for the worst. A tear found its way out of her eye and down her cheek. Just when things looked their grimmest…

“YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” Link screamed as he jumped off the scaffold of the second floor to the tentacles holding Samus. He severed the tentacles that were holding her in place with incredible ease. The sword sliced through like a hot knife through butter.

“NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Kraid cried in sheer pain.

Link landed just before Samus hit the floor and was able to catch her. Samus opened her eyes for a brief second and saw Link. They gazed into each other’s eyes. She managed to give a weak smile, and then fainted. Link felt his heart sink into the pit of his stomach as tear welled up in his eye.

“You dare interfere with my plans? You dare defend this scum? You will PAY!!” Kraid shouted and was about to impale Link with one of his tentacles.

Link was still holding Samus and could not defend himself. He braced himself for impact…

“RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Kraid roared in painful agony. The tentacle stopped mere inches before Link’s heart.

Link looked up at Kraid’s face to see that it was on fire! Mario was on the edge of the second floor balcony, sending what seemed like millions of fireballs at bullet velocity right at Kraid’s eyes. Kraid was swatting desperately at his face to put out the flames.

“Finish him, Link!” Mario shouted as he continued shooting fireballs at Kraid.

Link laid Samus quickly, but carefully, against a wall and ran toward Kraid. He was swinging his tentacles wildly, but Link was able to dodge them and agilely jump from tentacle to tentacle toward his face. Link finally reached it and buried his burning blade right into Kraid’s skull.

“…you… can’t… kill me…” Kraid rasped on the verge of death, struggling to form a sentence. “Mother Brain… will rise… again…”

Link responded by shoving the sword deeper into his brain. Kraid fell limp to the floor and let out one final sigh, signifying he was no more.

Link went over to Samus to see how she was doing. She was still unconscious and her breathing was labored. Mario followed Link and tried to offer Link some compassion.

“You alright?” Mario asked as he put his hand on Link’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Link muttered with a lump forming in this throat. “She will be alright, right?”

“Come on, Link. This is Samus Aran! You know as well as I do that she’ll be fine.” Mario said, gently shaking Link's shoulder. “You did one hell of a job finishing Kraid. People can’t even dream of monsters like that, but not only did you face it; you selflessly risked your life to defeat it and saved Samus. I know she’ll be grateful for your bravery, Link. You’re not just the Hero of Time. You’re a hero for the ages.”

It was hard for Link to contain a smile after hearing such kind words from Mario.

“That means a lot coming from you, Mario. Thanks a lot.” Link said, embracing his partner.

Even though it didn't seem like it sometimes, they were actually getting along more and more with each event they went through and survived. There was actually a strong bond between them. A brotherly bond…

“Let’s bring her to her room. When she wakes up, we gotta get out of here. Who knows how many other Pirates know that Samus is here.” Link mentioned gravely.

“I just thought about that. We should try to find the materials Samus needs while she’s asleep.” Mario suggested.

Link nodded and bought Samus to her room while Mario began scavenging for possible ship-repair materials.

Returning to Ganondorf’s Castle…

“Hey, Ganondorf.” Bowser said as he saw Ganondorf, still looking depressed.

“I still can’t get over it, son. That match was mine. I felt it right here.” Ganondorf stated, with a fist over his heart. “And I still lost… The Gerudo kings before me are probably laughin’ their asses off.”

“What if I told you something…” Bowser started.

“What?” Ganondorf responded, slighty turning his head to Bowser.

“Something that might infuriate you beyond all comprehension…” Bowser continued.

“It can’t get me anymore upset than I already am, dawg. Jus’ spit it.” Ganondorf said.

“Okay, but just promise not to take it out on me.” Bowser added.

“You’re my boy, B-Boss. I ain't got no reason to do somethin' like that. That's my word, man.” Ganondorf promised.

Bowser then began to tell Ganondorf what really happened after the match between him and Mewtwo.

Ganondorf’s eyelid twitched…

Outside of Ganondorf’s fortress was looking very dark and desolate. Everything seemed as hopeless as the former town in front of the towering stronghold, which was now occupied by ReDeads.

“You know… things are really boring without anyone to scare here…” One of the ReDeads said.

“I agree whole-heartedly. …even though I lack the necessary appendage do so.” Another one said.

“I feel like feasting on someone’s knowledge.” A third ReDead said. “They say knowledge is power, and I’m feeling pretty weak right now.”

“But where are we going to find someone? No one comes here anymore; we either scared them all off or devoured their brains. I believe that sends a strong message.” The second ReDead said.

In the distance, an explosion could be heard, followed by screaming.

“aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Bowser screamed as he flew from the castle, to the middle of “ReDead Town”, and landed on his head. “He promised not to take it out on me…” Bowser sighed, disorientated.

“Perfect timing!” A ReDead exclaimed.

“Hmmm, his brain might be a little rattled, but it’ll do! Besides, I like them that way: shaken, not stirred.” One of the ReDeads said.

They all laughed as they slowly closed in on a befuddled Bowser.
_____________________

There you go. Next act is a long one: five parts long, to be exact.

Also, since there seems to be an increase in readers, I might start updating twice as much as before!

Well, see ya when I see ya.

[13usta]

cool.......

[sakana]

That was a good one! I can't wait, keep it up!

[ZeekeXIV]

It's updating time!

This chapter, I don't like too much. It's a little improved over what it used to be, though. Hopefully, you'll still enjoy it.
_______________

Act 7: Long Time No See (Part 1)

Link and Mario managed to find the materials for the ship while Samus recovered from her traumatizing experience. As soon as she was back on her feet, she put on her Varia suit once again and the three set off to fix her starship.

“Do you two realize the incredible danger you’ve put yourselves in?” Samus asked, seemingly upset as they walked toward her starship. “This is why I was so reluctant to ask for your help. My enemies will become your enemies. And now, you’ve gained yourselves my worst enemy, yet.”

“How about a ‘thank you’?” Link replied.

Samus sighed. “Yes, I’m grateful you two were there to help, but you have no idea what you are now up against. Even after all these years of fighting them, I still have difficulty defeating them. Space Pirates are an ever-evolving race, creating technological leaps and bounds as we speak.” Samus explained as they walked toward the starship.

“You make it sound like they’re invincible. Did you see what me and Mario did to Kraid back there? If that’s their biggest and baddest dude, then what do we have to worry about?! Space Pirates? They can all kiss my ass! I’ll finish them all the same way.” Link countered with confidence, wearing a smug look on his face.

“I think I’m with Link on this one, Samus.” Mario agreed. “Seriously, I expected him to be a lot tougher. Even Bowser put up more of a fight than that. I dunno what you’re so afraid of.”

Being undermined was one thing Samus couldn’t stand more than anything, and that’s exactly what was happening now.

“Do you think I’ve fought against the Space Pirates for this long and still not know what they’re capable of? Believe me when I say you haven’t seen anything yet.” Samus sternly stated. “You two feel so confident now. You want to know the truth? The Kraid you defeated at that base was nothing more than a vastly inferior clone.”

Mario and Link stopped dead in their tracks, their confidence immediately vanishing.

“The truth hurts, doesn’t it?” Samus said. “I scanned the body before we left. It was a mutated clone. Now, as I said before: Space Pirates are creating technological leaps and bounds everyday. They have highly advanced cloning technology and are able to genetically enhance their clones to perform in a multitude of scenarios. They only clone their most powerful living beings.”

“But I thought you killed Kraid before.” Link said.

“This isn’t the first time Kraid has returned. Space Pirates are also able to revive their fallen comrades. I can potentially be fighting Kraid for the rest of my life…” Samus grimly sighed.

“That’s just grim…” Link sighed.

Silence befell the group as they continued their trek back to Samus’s starship. Once they finally returned, they began their repairs on the ship with the new materials they found. Quickly, the ship was repaired, and they entered the cockpit of the ship.

“Wow, this is freakin’ cool!” Link exclaimed as he looked around.

There were all types of buttons, gauges, and triggers; way too many for him to comprehend. He felt like a little kid, feeling compelled to press every button he saw. But since he was aiming to recreate his image for of Samus, he controlled his childish urges.

“So what’s our plan of action? We can’t exactly head straight to Green Hill Zone, now.” Mario said while ignoring Link’s sudden shuddering. “We’d risk bringing the Space Pirates with us! As much as I hate Sonic, I don’t want him to have those guys to worry about. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

“I think the path is obvious. We must find Kraid and destroy him once and for all. I’m confident that he’s the only one who knows of our whereabouts. If we find him quickly, the rest of the Pirates will never know of our presence.” Samus said.

“How exactly do we find him? It’s not like we’re lookin’ for him in our backyard. He can be anywhere in the universe! It might take forever to find him…” Link said, hopelessly.

“Do you know who built this ship? The Chozo are the most knowledgeable race in the galaxy! Their technology matches that of the Space Pirates, if not exceeds theirs!” Samus said, proudly. “The Chozo infused their limitless knowledge of the universe into this ship. All we have to do is give the ship a sample of a target’s DNA and it will scan the entire galaxy in order to find a matching DNA sample.”

“We kinda left clone-Kraid back at the base. And I’m not about to walk all the way back just to scratch off some skin cells.” Link said, shaking his head.

“You act like that would be hard. The starship is fixed now! The only hard part would be to fly back to the base and pick up a sample.” Mario said.

“There’s no reason for any of that. I picked up a sample before we left.” Samus said, pulling out a piece of Kraid’s tentacle from a compartment in her suit.

“Grand! So let’s get to scannin’!” Link said as they made their way to the ship’s scanner.

Meanwhile at Ganondorf’s Castle…

Ganondorf and Bowser were simply chilling on the roof of the castle… …bored out of their minds.

“I’m so f**kin’ tired of waitin’…” Ganondorf sighed. “I expected this to be a two, maybe three, day deal. It’s been over a week, now! Where the f**k are these guys?!”

Bowser let a trail of drool slide down his chin as a response.

“I’m so f**kin’ tired of you actin’ like you’re brain-dead…” Ganondorf shook his head. “If you’re tryin’ to get me to say ‘sorry’ for what I did earlier, it ain’t happenin’. Especially if that’s the way you’re gonna act. I don’t apologize to retards.”

From what seemed to be out of nowhere, Bowser whipped out a pen and paper and began scribbling something. Afterward, he very pitifully threw it at Ganondorf. Barely legible, Ganondorf struggled to make out what it said.

But it’s your fault I’m like this.

“Wow…” Ganondorf muttered. “First off, even if you were retarded, it wouldn’t be my fault. It would be the ReDeads’s because they ate yo’ brain, which we both know is f**kin’ false. The second they tried to get at you, you wrecked their shit. They couldn’t touch you and you can’t deny it. I saw the whole thing.”

“You still broke your word. You said you wouldn’t lash out, but you still did.” Bowser finally said, breaking his silence.

“I guess I lied, then. I’m a villain, remember? Get over it, you bitch.” Ganondorf concluded.

“Screw you, too, Ganondorf.” Bowser replied, flipping him the bird.

Ten minutes of bored silence followed after that, only broken by Ganondorf’s frustrated grunt.

“I’m done wit’ this shit!” He stated and started heading straight toward the secret room, with Bowser following behind.

“Going somewhere?” Bowser questioned.

“Anywhere but here.” Ganondorf answered. “I’ma jus’ let the teleporter pick a place at random. Wherever I end up, I’m gonna f**k up anythin’ and everythin’ I see.”

“Sounds like a plan. I’ll join you.” Bowser said.

Ganondorf smacked a button and opened a portal in the wall. Without hesitation, he and Bowser jumped through. They arrived in a vast, underground cave. The first thing they noticed was the sudden wave of heat that smacked them in the face. There was lava everywhere, except for the plot of land they were standing on, which seemed to be floating high above the liquid magma.

“The Brinstar Depths… If the lava didn’t remind me of home, I’d hate this place.” Bowser said.

“F**kin’ teleporter… I thought I made sure it couldn’t pick this damn place…” Ganondorf said.

“Well, you obviously thought wrong. Let’s just go back and…” Bowser trailed off as he heard voices other than his own and Ganondorf’s. “You hear that?”

“Looks like this wasn’t as bad a pick as I thought.” Ganondorf said with a devious smirk. “Let’s see who’s gonna get murked first.”

They neared the edge of the stage, expecting there to be more than what they saw around them. Surprisingly, the only thing they saw when they peeked over was a straight-fall down into red-hot death.

“What the… This is just like the stage from the Smash tournament!” Bowser exclaimed, but quietly, still not wanting to be heard by whomever else might be there. “I thought we were in a different part of the depths!”

“Then where the hell are those voices comin’ from?” Ganondorf wondered. “It sounds like they’re right over the edge, but I see nothin’!”

Ganondorf and Bowser carefully leaned an ear over the edge of the stage, hoping they could figure out where the invisible words were coming from.

“…everything’s going according to plan! It will only be a matter of time before we set up camp on this planet to begin phase one of operation: gamma.” One of the voices said.

“I knew Samus wouldn’t be able to pass up that false bounty offer. Thanks to my elaborate preparations, of course, otherwise, Samus would’ve seen right through it.” The other voice said.

“Samus…? I remember that broad. A walkin’ tank as cold as ice. I still beat that ass into submission, though.” Ganondorf remembered with a satisfied smirk.

“That was only one element of our grand scheme.” The voice continued. “Our combined intellect is what set it in motion. Sending those modified Flying Pirates to intercept Samus’s path was an excellent touch, I must say. I was actually considering asking Ridley to take care of her, but that would’ve been excessive. We wouldn’t have been able to raid her ship and learn a little more about Chozo technology.”

“I especially loved sending Tentacle-Kraid in to rile her up.” The other voice said with a tone of contentment. “It’s a shame that it had to be sacrificed, but it’s for a greater cause.”

“The cause of leading Samus straight to yet another clone of Kraid. Unfortunately for her, when she realizes what she’s been chasing, it’ll be too late. The very technology her life depends on will be responsible for taking her on a one-way trip to where the clone resides: this galaxy’s hottest star!”

Bowser let out a soft, surprised whistle upon hearing that plan. “That’s pretty harsh. Not even a face-to-face confrontation.”

“I’m sayin’.” Ganondorf agreed. “If I was ever gonna do some shit like that to my enemies, I’d be throwin’ them into the sun myself.”

“Well, I guess we won’t see Samus in the next tournament. Sucks to be her…” Bowser sighed, being far from sincere. “We can beat down whoever’s talking on her behalf, though. That could be our good deed for the day.”

“I was gonna wreck shit, regardless.” Ganondorf admitted, cracking his knuckles.

His knuckles cracked loudly, causing the voices to pause in the middle of their ramblings and listen closely.

“Did you hear that?”

“Definitely. We should investigate.”

Ganondorf and Bowser heard footsteps nearing them as they assumed a defensive stance. Suddenly, an invisible laughter was heard.

“Two low-level threats. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Show yo’self!” Ganondorf demanded.

Two bodies faded into view, gradually appearing like shadows. Two lightly-armed, charcoal-black space creatures glared at Bowser and Ganondorf with flaming eyes. They each had one wrist-laser on the left arm and a menacing arm-blade on the right. Bowser and Ganondorf glanced at each other, but didn’t look threatened one bit.

“You two have no business here. Normally, we’d destroy foolish trespassers, but I’m feeling generous.” One of the new adversaries admitted. “Leave now, and we will let you escape with only two severed limbs.”

“You know, I’m in the giving-mood, too.” Bowser also admitted, with a nod. “We’re gonna stay, and give you an ass-kicking you’ll never forget.”

The two hostile space creatures laughed a non-threatened and mocking laughter.

“You must not know who we are, which amuses me greatly. Even the most brainless organisms this galaxy has to offer have a healthy fear of us! We are part of the elite. We are known as Space Pirates!” One of the pirates exclaimed.

“We, in particular, are Shadow Pirates. Soon, we and our Pirate brethren will be the rulers of this galaxy. And as soon as that meddling Samus is gone forever, we’ll set our sights on universal domination!” The other pirate exulted.

“I could care less about who y’all are. We came here to fight. And I ain’t leavin’ until someone has felt my boot in their ass!” Ganondorf warned.

“Oh, it’s a fight you want? Then a fight you shall receive!” One of the pirates said, promptly snapping his fingers at the end of his sentence.

Almost as if out of nowhere, two parasitic, jellyfish-like creatures appeared. They were a transparent blue, flying around in unpredictable patterns while were screeching loudly; loud enough to cause profuse bleeding of the ears. These creatures were the infamous metroids.

“A fight for your lives!” The same pirate said, laughing at his own twisted joke.

“Ugh, what are they?!” Bowser shouted, disgusted.

No one was able to answer his question; one of the metroids dove at Ganondorf’s head. He saw it at the last minute, quickly diving out of the way. The metroid made a sudden u-turn and dove at Bowser. He tried to dodge it, but he was too big and slow to avoid the agile metroid. It latched onto his back, sucking away at his life energy.

“GET IT OFF ME!!!” Bowser shouted and did a stop-drop-and-roll maneuver to try to get the metroid off. His attempts were in vain as it stayed firmly stationed onto his back and sucked his life away.

While Bowser was struggling with his metroid, Ganondorf was busy trying to avoid the other one. He was ducking and weaving as it continually tried to dive at his face.

Simultaneously trying to keep his face free of all metroid molestation, Ganondorf tried attacking the Shadow Pirates. He charged at one of them with a Gerudo Dragon, but was barely within a fist’s distance of him before he cloaked himself from all vision.

“We’ve studied all types of fighting styles and patterns. Your method of combat is mind-numbingly predictable. You’ll never be able to touch us while we’re cloaked!” A cloaked voice taunted.

Ganondorf made plans to attack the other pirate, but quickly learned he had followed suit, disappearing in a cloak of invisibility. Ganondorf was left with nothing to do but dodge the persistent metroid, though by watching his skillful evasive maneuvers, that didn’t seem like such a bad thing for him.

“It looks like he’s not even trying. Let’s see if we can provide him with more of a challenge.” The cloaked pirate suggested, jumping into the fray while wildly swinging his arm-blade. His partner immediately joined in, violently throwing an unpredictable arm around.

Ganondorf was surprisingly successful in avoiding the pirates’ sudden assault, using the colorful trails left behind the vicious swings of the arm-blades to predict where the Shadow Pirates were and where they’d attack. Ganondorf couldn’t keep this up, though, when the two pirates suddenly joined hands and spun with their blades fully stretched out. This stopped Ganondorf’s jukes long enough for the metroid to capitalize as it threw itself at him in a hard ram. Getting hammered in the head, Ganondorf collapsed to the ground, giving the invisible pirates the freedom to shower him in a debilitating rain of plasma. A completely exhausted Ganondorf could do nothing when the metroid finally achieved its purpose; latching onto his face and sucking away at his life sustenance.

“That was far too easy.” One of the cloaked pirates said, watching at Ganondorf writhe and struggle, trying to get the metroid off his face.

“I truly am feeling generous. I should let the metroid slowly whittle your life’s energy away, letting you feel every agonizing moment…” The other Shadow Pirate said, walking towards Ganondorf, who was lying unconscious and face-down. “…but you deserve some type of reward for evading out attacks for so long. I’ll personally end your suffering. And before you ask, there’s no need to thank me. I’m just too kind for my own good.” He admitted, uncloaking himself and charging up his wrist-laser for an instant-kill.

Bowser had slipped into unconsciousness after having the Metroid on his back for so long, but momentarily opened his eyes, catching a glimpse of one of the Shadow Pirates preparing to blow Ganondorf’s head off. A fire burned in his eyes as he refused to let his partner in crime go out in such an unfavorable way. With him running on nothing but instinct and adrenaline, Bowser sprung up from his helpless position and threw a claw through the unsuspecting Pirate’s spine and viciously ripped out whatever he could.

Everything went cold for the Shadow Pirate. With what little life he had left, the pirate turned around, wearing a painfully stunned look on its face. He released whatever charge of energy he was about to use on the helpless Ganondorf and turned it on Bowser, but made it all too obvious as Bowser quickly spun around, letting the overpowered shot obliterate the metroid still attached to his back. As a sign of gratitude, Bowser dealt the spineless pirate a detrimental backhand, not only sending him off the battlefield and spiraling into the boiling magma below, but unexpectedly crashing into his cloaked partner and knocking him out of invisibility, as well as rendering the cloaking device useless.

Still with a raging inferno in his eyes, Bowser menacingly stomped toward a trembling Shadow Pirate. He held up his wrist laser in an attempt to defend himself, threatening to shoot. Bowser was far from intimidated as he grabbed the laser and shattered it, along with the Pirate’s wrist, with his bare hands. The Space Pirate let out a sharp cry of agony as Bowser continued to crush what he had in his hands.

“Please… please… let me go…” The Shadow Pirate cried, begging for mercy.

Bowser glared into the once-boastful, but now-pitiful, Shadow Pirate’s eyes, which were now wide with fear. Without saying a word, Bowser breathed in deep and spewed a stream of flames all over the helpless pirate. He let out a blood-curdling bellow of physical anguish as he was literally burned to death. Soon, those bellows faded to weak screams, and then those screams died down until there was no other sound than the echoes of the boiling lava. Deciding his work was done, Bowser simply tossed his lifeless opponent over the edge of the stage and let out a powerful roar.

“GET THIS SHIT THE F**K OFF MY FACE!!!” Ganondorf suddenly shouted with muffled screams as he was still struggling with the metroid on his face.

Hearing that voice suddenly extinguished the fire in Bowser’s eyes. He felt slighty disoriented and confused; he knew he was just attacked by a Metroid and two Shadow Pirates, but none of those seemed to be present at the current moment.

“DAMNIT, LISTEN TO ME!!” Ganondorf shouted to anyone that could be listening.

Bowser turned to his struggling partner and found himself slightly surprised.

“Wow… What happened to you?” Bowser wondered.

“BOWSER!!!” Ganondorf screamed, angrily.

“Yeah, yeah, shut up. I’ll help you out.” Bowser responded and blew fire at the Metroid. The Metroid was completely unaffected, but the parts of Ganondorf’s head that could be seen were thoroughly singed. “Okay… that didn’t work… Let’s try something else.” Bowser said and jumped up into the air for his patented ground-stomping move, labeled the Bowser Bomb.

“Oh, hell no!” The Metroid said, detaching itself from Ganondorf’s face and disappearing as suddenly as it appeared.

Inevitably, Bowser came crashing down to Ganondorf’s face, building up an exuberant force.

“F**k…” Ganondorf muttered just before his face was intrusively introduced to Bowser’s backside.

With a powerful crash, Bowser landed back on the ground. As soon as he touched down, he realized something wasn’t right.

“…there’s something incredibly wrong…” Bowser muttered, fearing that he didn’t land on the Metroid.

Bowser rose to his two feet and looked behind him. What he found was Ganondorf’s head, flattened like a pancake. But miraculously (and inexplicably…), he was alright.

“Whoa… I’m really sorry about that…” Bowser apologized.

“Bowser…” Ganondorf began, slowly rising to his feet as his head regained its original form. “I really… really… should obliterate yo’ ass for makin’ one of the top five things I never wanted in my face… in my f**kin’ face.” He clenched an angry, glowing fist. “But… you did get that thing off me. And those Bitch Pirates are gone, probably ‘cause of you. So, insteada beatin’ you to death, beatin’ you back to life, then beatin’ yo’ ass to death again, I’ma jus’ let the whole shit slide. None of this ever happened.”

“You’re welcome, you ungrateful bastard…” Bowser muttered.

Suddenly, the entire arena started to rumble. The lava in the background began to violently bubble and rise. The lava rose so high that the land serving as a battlefield fell horizontally and floated on top of it. A thunderous roar could be heard underneath the magma.

“Son-of-a-bitch… I just wanna get outta here…” Bowser sighed, aggravated.

“Seems like someone’s not havin’ that.” Ganondorf said, preparing for the worst.

Suddenly, a gargantuan figure exploded from the lava. A gargantuan, green-skinned creature with a white belly, sharp spikes in its navel, ravenous teeth, and three red eyes.

“WHO DARES DISTURB ME IN MY LAIR?!” The enormous figure boomed. His voice was so powerful, the entire environment rumbled powerfully, causing stalactites from the ceiling to fall into the lava.

“Who wants to know?” Ganondorf replied, fearlessly.

“I HEAR NO FEAR IN YOUR VOICE. ARE YOU THAT CONFIDENT IN YOUR SKILLS? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU ARE UP AGAINST?! I AM KRAID! I AM ONE OF THE TOP GENERALS UNDER THE COMMAND OF MOTHER BRAIN! I WILL MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND TRUE FEAR!” Kraid roared as he slashed at Ganondorf and Bowser.

Both of them were surprised by the attack and got hit, full force. They were amazed by how much it hurt.

“Shit…! That was ridiculous!” Ganondorf exclaimed, struggling to get up.

“MY INITIAL ATTACK ALREADY HAS YOU FLOORED! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE AT VICTORY!” Kraid shouted and slashed again.

Both of them saw the attack coming this time, immediately jumping out of the way. Bowser jumped toward Kraid’s stomach as high as he could. He could only reach just below his chest, where his diaphragm would be, but that’d be enough if his plan worked. Bowser attacked that spot with an aerial claw, slashing as hard as he could. Kraid didn’t even blink in response. Instead, he reacted by shooting Bowser with the spikes in his navel, leaving him pinned to the ground and helpless.

Not letting Bowser’s quick defeat faze him, Ganondorf short-hopped to reach the middle of Kraid’s stomach and delivered a heavy fist. The move ended up working against him as he literally crushed his hand against Kraid’s amazingly hard skin. Kraid wasted no time in putting Ganondorf down, flooring him with a huge fist.

“DO YOU SEE IT NOW?! DO YOU SEE WHY I AM THE RULER OF BRINSTAR?! NO ONE CAN MATCH MY BRUTE STRENGTH! I AM INVINCIBLE!” Kraid screamed and hoisted Bowser and Ganondorf into the air.

“Ugh… the last time I got beaten this bad was when I tried that Cruel Melee gauntlet…” Bowser moaned.

“This ain't nothin’! I’m a Gerudo king! No, f**k that! I’m the king of EVIL!! It don't matter that I got a broken fist! You still have lefty to worry about, you bitch! The only way you can stop keep me down is if you f**kin’ EAT ME!!” Ganondorf mindlessly shouted, letting his ego cloud his logic in a billowing fog of nonsense.

Thirty seconds later…

“It don't get much worse than this, Bowser. I ain't even that mad about gettin' eaten. What pisses me off the most is bein' digested. You know how all digestive cycles end, right?” Ganondorf said with a scowl. “Godamnit…”

He and Bowser were now sitting in the light-barren black pit that was Kraid's stomach.

“I’m just about as mad as you are, but being mad won’t get us out any faster. The best thing to do now is to look to the bright side. There’s a bright side to every grim situation.” Bowser explained.

“…f**k are you talkin’ about? There’s no bright side to this! I can't even see my godamn hand in front of me! What the hell can be the bright side of this?” Ganondorf asked, aggravated.

“I found a quarter.” Bowser said, holding it up as if Ganondorf could see it.

“…” Ganondorf was silenced by Bowser's antics.

“Lighten up, Ganondorf. Heh, ‘lighten up’…” Bowser smiled. His smile slowly faded as Ganondorf continued his silence. “Ganondorf?” Bowser repeated and got closer to where he thought Ganondorf was.

Little did he know that Ganondorf was silently charging up his Warlock Punch…

“SURPRISE, MOTHA-F**KA!!!” Ganondorf screamed as he connected with a left-handed Warlock Punch, sending Bowser pinballing around Kraid's stomach. Bowser later landed in a deep pool of stomach acid and Ganondorf left him to drown in it. “F**kin’ idiot...” He said as he sat down in a puddle on stomach bile, wondering on the ways to escape this prison other than the obvious exit.
_______________

There you go. Next update: next Thursday.

1

[13usta]

cool...bit short tho

[13usta]

erm...thursday has come and gone...or did u mean next next thursday?

=p

[ZeekeXIV]

I keep forgetting on Thursdays. Maybe I should switch it to Fridays.

But then again, if I do that, I'ma forget Fridays and do Saturdays.

I guess no one wins...

Anyway, new chapter.
______________________________

Act 7: Long Time, No See (Part 2)

Rejoining Samus and company…

After scanning the severed tentacle and pinpointing the coordinates, they headed straight toward where their nemesis, Kraid, was. Little did they know that they were heading straight into impending doom…

Ever since they left Zebes, Samus kept to herself, remaining solely in the cockpit of her ship. Mario and Link only watched her through a window in the cockpit’s door, very concerned about her current state of mind, as she literally stared out into space.

“She looks so depressed… What happened back on Zebes has to be what’s got her down like this.” Mario asked.

“It’s gotta be. Think about it: if you almost got …molested… by somethin’ like Kraid, you’d be depressed too, right?” Link suggested.

“Actually, I wouldn’t be depressed; I’d be more upset than you could possibly imagine. You would need the entire Mushroom Kingdom to keep me down.” Mario asserted. “You know… maybe she’s not depressed. Maybe she’s just lost in her thoughts. You know how Samus gets when she’s mad. I remember it from the Smash tournaments. So scary…” He shuddered. “There’s probably all types of violent thoughts going through her mind. Who knows what she’ll do to Kraid when we find him.”

“He has it comin’, so I’m not worried about him.” Link said. “But even if Samus does finish him, he can always come back. Remember what she said, back on Zebes? She could be fightin’ him for the rest of her life. That’s just… f**ked up. There’s no nice way to put that.”

“Yeah… Having to fight something like that forever… And not only that, but she always seems to be busy… She's always on a mission… …always on call… There’s never a moment of rest for her.” Mario said.

“I know Samus is made of some serious stuff, but I don’t care who you are: that’s gotta get to you, at some point.” Link shook his head, wishing there was something he could do to help Samus if their speculations were correct.

Mario turned to Link. “Link, I don’t think there’s any better time to talk to Samus than now. You know what do to.”

With a nod, Link tapped the button on the side of the door. The door lifted with an audible mechanic winding. Samus didn’t turn around, though. Link decided to slowly approach her, waiting on her to notice him. She still stayed situated right in front of window, probably not even blinking. Realizing he’d have to make things happen, Link spoke up.

“Hey baby.” Link said, slickly.

Samus quickly turned, slightly startled. She smiled after realizing it was only Link, but remained silent. Link just stood next to her, gazing into space.

Back in Hyrule, Link would stare into the sky at night when he was a child in Kokiri Forest. He was always fascinated by the stars, but he was completely mystified by all he could see while looking out from the starship.

“This is crazy. I never thought I’d get to see the stars like this. Ever since I was a kid, I loved to check them out.” Link said. “It’s gotta be so great to be able to check the stars like this all the time.” He turned to Samus, hoping she was looking back at him.

“Yeah…” Samus simply replied, barely paying attention.

Link figured this was the case, no doubt disappointed, but he continued talking anyway, hoping his words would get through to her, eventually.

“…but I guess it gets played out, after a while. After you’ve seen everything space has to offer, you probably get immune to the splendor.” Link speculated.

Samus caught the last thing Link said and immediately shook her head. “No, that’s not it at all. With every trip I take through space, there is always something to appreciate: be it a nova burst from afar, a star emanating a pulsar, or even the occasional black hole. No matter what my mission may be, I always take time to be astonished by what space has to offer. It serves as a constant reminder to never take anything for granted. Not just my ‘tours’ through space, but everything! Even my life…”

Link smiled as he nodded. “I feel you.” He said, now with his arm around Samus’s waist. Unlike the last time Link tried this, Samus accepted the gesture.

They simply stood like that for a while, in awe of the stars that surrounded them. Samus then turned to Link, gazing at his face. She had to admit, Link was actually pretty handsome. She then turned away, slightly embarrassed that she was looking at him like that. It wasn’t like her to get all goo-goo eyed because of a man.

“I… uh… I never got a chance to thank you for saving me back in Zebes; Mario, too. And I’m sorry for getting so upset, earlier.” Samus said.

“Nah, you don’t have to worry about that. Me and Mario were definitely soundin’ kinda arrogant.” Link admitted, turning to Samus. “I wanted to believe that I really did take down Kraid that easily, but somethin’ definitely seemed off.”

“Even so, you two were very heroic about it. I’m sure neither of you have ever faced anything like that. I’m so grateful for your courage.” Samus said, looking at Link. “Who knows what would’ve happened to me if you weren’t there…”

“Hey, I’m a hero, baby! It’s my job to save people and all that jazz. Mario knows the deal, too. Plus, I had no choice but to save you. There’s no way I’d let that monstrosity have his way with you.” Link said. They gazed into each other’s eyes. “Samus… I dunno if you heard anythin’ I said that night I snuck into your room…”

“Snuck into my room? You did a great job doing so if waking me up was part of the plan.” Samus giggled.

“Yeah, whatever…” Link said, rolling his eyes, laughing a bit. “…I don’t know if you still feel the same way you did when we first met each other on Zebes, but please gimme a chance to show you how much I care for you.” Link said, holding Samus.

“How much do you care?” Samus asked, with her arms around Link’s neck.

“I was about to show you that night…” Link replied, closing in for a heart-felt kiss. Samus saw it coming and started getting close, as well.

Mario watched them through the window and smiled at the developing relationship. He knew Link would be able to make Samus feel better. He didn’t smile for long, though, as he caught a glimpse of something horrible. HORRIBLE. He nearly broke the door down trying to get into the cockpit. Startled, Link and Samus turned to a very frightened Mario, his face pale with fear.

“Mario…” Link sighed. “You may’ve very-well ruined somethin’ beautiful.”

“Better me than that.” Mario replied, pointing out into space.

At first, all they saw was the sun, burning vibrantly and brightly with the occasional flare trail shooting up from the surface. But as they gazed, the sun appeared to be getting larger and larger, almost like they were flying closer to it. Then it hit them… They were on collision course with the sun!

“HOLY SHIT!! What the hell are we doin’ here?!” Link shouted, releasing his hold on Samus and getting closer to the windshield, bewildered and angry. “There’s no possible way Kraid could be livin’ there! Knowledge of the universe my ass! What's the deal with this ship?!”

“I don’t understand! The scans pointed us in this direction! This ship is flawless! There has to be a logical reason!” Samus shouted back, frantically checking the navigational systems for errors.

“No way… There’s the reason…” Mario said as he pointed to the east side of the sun.

“Computer! Pin-point the general area Mario is pointing at and zoom in. Bring it up on the main screen.” Samus commanded. The main screen was scrambled with static at first, but then the image was as clear as day. “Phenomenal…” Samus muttered in awe.

What she saw was Kraid, belly-dancing, of all things, on the sun's surface. As he danced, fire consumed his massive body.

“I don’t believe this…” Link simply said as they all watched Kraid dance in the blazing flames. He suddenly remembered the ship was still heading toward the sun. “Samus! That has to be a clone! We gotta turn this ship around! No one here is genetically enhanced to take the heat like that!” Link said as he pointed at Kraid, who switched his dances to break. He pulled a wicked 720-headspin, finishing it off with a stalling head-stand.

“I set the ship to autopilot. The course is set until we reach our destination…” Samus said, hopelessly.

“NO! I refuse melt on the sun! Think, Samus! There has to be a way to override the autopilot.” Mario said.

“The only way autopilot can be overridden is if we are attacked; then the ship will exit autopilot mode and await the pilot’s commands. But by the time clone-Kraid attacks are able to hit us, it will be too late…” Samus said, hopelessly.

“But what if…” Mario began, but just stopped. He really saw no way out, this time. “So… this is… it… This is really how it ends… I… can’t even think of anything to say.”

“No need to say anything yet!” A voice was picked up on the spaceship’s intercom.

“Where’d that come from?” Link asked, aimlessly searching the cockpit to find out where the voice came from.

“You’ll find out, soon enough. Just brace yourselves for impact.” The voice on the intercom warned.

The spaceship suddenly lurched, violently, as its alert lights and sirens went off.

“WARNING, SHIP IS UNDER ATTACK. EXITING AUTOPILOT. WAITING FOR FURTHER ORDERS…”

“SAMUS!! GRAB THOSE CONTROLS!!!” Link screamed.

Samus jetted toward the controls and fought to escape the gravitational pull of the sun. Clone-Kraid started dancing furiously as if he was in an orgy while throwing fireballs at Samus’s starship. This was all while he was doing the nastiest bump-and-grind pelvic thrusts ever seen...

“Alright… That’s just sick.” Mario spat out, completely repulsed by the clone’s motions.

“INCOMING! DODGE THOSE!!!” Link screamed again.

“Easy there! I got you covered.” The voice on the intercom assured. Shortly after that was said, electric-blue lasers could be seen destroying the threatening balls of flames.

“Calm down, Link! We’re reaching escape velocity.” Samus announced.

She jerked the ship around and flipped on the boosters. They successfully exited the sun’s gravitational pull and rocketed away. As they jetted away, Kraid could be seen throwing his hands up in the air, and waving them like he just didn't care. Both hands were clenched tight into a fist, except he held up one signature finger on each fist.

“Whew… it seems like were safe. Now that everything is all clear, I have two questions.” Mario started. “First: who’s on the radio? And why didn’t you stop us, before?!” Mario asked, screaming the second question into the intercom.

“Jeez, I thought I’d get at least a ‘thank you’. Falco here. I guess you can say I was in the neighborhood.” He said.

“I knew that voice sounded familiar…” Mario said.

“I caught you guys on my radar after you passed Bilium. I started tailing you ‘cause it looked like you were heading into the sun. I was thinking ‘no one could be that reckless’! Good thing I followed you, huh?” Falco said.

“Definitely.” Link agreed. “So where to now?”

“I have no idea. The scanner showed only two locations: the one on the sun and the one we killed on Zebes. Other than that, there’s nowhere left to go.” Mario answered.

“Computer! Scan for possible locations where Kraid might be.” Samus commanded.

“What’s the point? We already know the locations it’ll give us.” Mario muttered.

“Watch what I do before you jump to conclusions.” Samus told Mario.

The computer displayed the locations. Just as Mario said, the same two locations were displayed.

“What’d I tell you?” Mario said.

“And what did I just say to you?” Samus snapped at Mario. “Computer! Scan planet Zebes.”

“SCAN COMPLETE. TWO MATCHING DNA SAMPLES LOCATED ON ZEBES.”

“What? It looked like there was only one matching sample!” Link exclaimed.

“I originally met the real Kraid on Zebes. He’s pretty big, and I doubt he’d leave the planet. What’s more: he controls the entire Brinstar area on Zebes. He must be in the Brinstar Depths.” Samus explained.

“Alright then, let’s get goin’. I got a bone to pick with Kraid, now. No one tries to murk me and my peeps and gets away with it. You comin’, Falco?” Link asked.

“Someone’s gotta make sure you stay out of trouble. I’ll be with you all the way.” Falco replied.

“Then back to Zebes we go!” Mario announced as they all jetted toward Zebes.

About thirty minutes after traveling at blinding speeds…

“We’re about to enter the planet’s atmosphere, so prepare for landing. It’s won’t be as rough as it was when this ship had half its breaks, but--” Samus began.

“SAMUS, MY RADAR JUST WENT WILD! WE HAVE COMPANY!” Falco urgently interrupted.

“That’s just incredible…” Mario said, staring out the window.

What he saw was, in fact, incredible: legions of modified Flying Pirates who seemed to appear out of nowhere. In reality, they just couldn't be seen because their armor camouflaged with the orangey color of the planet in the background. Now that they could be seen, there had to be over two hundred of them. Every single one of them had the intention of using any means necessary to keep Samus from returning to Zebes alive.

“Falco… Are you prepared?” Samus calmly asked over the intercom.

“You already know the answer.” Falco said, and boosted head-first into the endless sea of Pirates. Samus boosted after and began firing at the Pirates. All Mario and Link could do was sit back and watch.

Falco sent off the first big hit by firing a nova-bomb into a charging group of Pirates. At least twenty were disintegrated, immediately. The others that weren’t destroyed by the blast grouped together and tried a mass suicide dive at Falco’s arwing. He skillfully barrel-rolled and made a sharp dive to evade the oncoming kamikaze crew. Samus finished the rest by sending them a bomb of her own: a gravibomb which crushed them into nothingness.

Another group of Pirates spread apart and surrounded Samus and Falco, opening fire. The Pirates kept the shots coming, leaving Samus and Falco to simply dodge. It seemed like there was nowhere to go; every turn Samus and Falco made, the Pirates kept a tight formation around them and continued firing.

“I have to admit: they have excellent form. They must’ve been practicing that for days without sleep.” Samus commended.

“You guys can’t keep this up forever! Find an opening and shoot!” Mario ordered as if it was the easiest thing to do.

“You don’t have to tell me twice!” Falco shouted back.

He immediately sent a few shots from his dual hyper lasers at a wall of Pirates. They were destroyed on impact. Samus pushed a button on the control panel and a compartment opened up on her right side.

“What’s that do?” Link asked.

“One of my favorite features of the ship.” Samus said with a smile.

She then stuck her arm cannon into the compartment. Charging could be heard below the ship. Then, a huge chunk of ice was blasted at the wall of pirates, freezing over fifty of them solid, and scattering them into the deepest regions of space.

“Whoa! Nice move, Samus!” Falco complimented.

“I can combine my arm cannon with the ship’s weapon system. In essence, the ship gets my arm cannon and I can control it as if I were firing, normally. The only drawback: I can’t maneuver the ship while I’m doing this.” Samus explained.

“With a feature like that, why the hell would you need to avoid anythin’?!” Link shouted excitedly.

A hard explosion rocked the ship, almost knocking the trio off their feet.

“That’s why!” Mario shouted as he held on to the side of the ship to keep from falling.

“DAMAGE ASSESSED: SHIELDS DOWN 20%. I SUGGEST YOU DO A BETTER JOB EVADING THE ENEMY BEFORE YOU GET US ALL KILLED!”

“Computer?” Samus was confused by the computer’s sudden outburst.

“EXCUSE ME… AWAITING PILOT’S INSTRUCTION.”

“Just leave everything to me.” Samus replied.

“Samus! I thought you just cleared a whole area of Pirates!” Falco asked.

“I did!” Samus shot back.

“This looks bad…” Mario said as he looked outside.

The Pirates that were destroyed were replaced by even more Flying Pirates. Not only that, they were closing in on Falco and Samus’s ships, trapping them in a sphere of missiles and laser fire. Once again, they were forced into strictly avoiding damage.

“This is ridiculous! There’s no way we’ll get out of this if we don’t think of something!” Falco shouted.

“Then think of somethin’!” Link shouted back.

As if he was replying to Link's request, Falcon shot another nova bomb into the wall of Pirates. The hit connected and opened a hole in the “wall”. Falco started boosting toward the opening to try and make an escape, but as soon as it was opened, more Pirates came to fill in the hole and continued the endless stream of enemy fire.

“Damnit! Can it get any worse?” Falco shouted angrily.

“Haven’t you heard of Murphy’s Law? Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Look at what they’re doing.” Samus replied.

Single Pirates broke from the sphere wall and flew full speed toward Samus and Falco. They suddenly had suicide-diving pirates to worry about, in addition to the surplus of enemy fire.

“ASSESSING DAMAGE. SHEILD EFFICIENCY: 60… NO, 50… WAIT, 40%… NO… YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS POINTLESS. UNLESS A MIRACLE HAPPENS, WE’RE FINISHED!”

“Computer! Since when have you been so pessimistic? Just stay quiet! We will make it.” Samus reassured everyone. Things were looking incredibly bleak, though. She said that mainly to reassure herself that everything would be alright.

“Argh! The shields are getting eaten alive! My arwing’s being protected by the paint now! I don’t know how much more I can take!” Falco shouted to Samus.

Thinking of nothing else he could do, Link dropped down to his knees and started praying.

“Din, Farore, Nayru… One of you has gotta to be listenin’, right about now. I don’t care how you do it, but please save us from this hell we’ve flown into! Please! Is it because I stole the Ocarina of Time from myself? Somethin’ I’ve done to myself in the past? Whatever it is, I’m sorry about that! All of us don’t deserve to be punished for somethin’ only I’ve done! If you save us, I promise I’ll return it to myself! PLEASE help us, oh wise and infallible gods! Surely you won’t let the Hero of Time meet his untimely end! Heh, untimely. I threw in a little joke for y’all.” Link winked as he prayed.

“Wow, Link…” Mario muttered, astounded by what he just heard. “I didn’t think there was such a thing as a bad prayer, but… wow… I don’t think any god would answer that.”

Suddenly, there was a series of gigantic explosions. Half the Flying Pirate fleet was annihilated upon impact. The rest of the fleet was simply stunned.

“Did somebody call for a miracle?” A high-pitched voice broadcasted over the intercom.

“HA!! No god would answer, right Mario?!” Link ecstatically said. “I can’t believe they fell for it! I’d literally kill myself before I give back my Ocarina!” Link shouted.

“You’re an idiot…” Mario sighed, holding his face and shaking his head. “And you were actually about to kiss this fool, Samus?” He asked turning to Samus. She simply shrugged.

“Peppy! Slippy! Perfect timing; and it only took you three hours this time. Nice work with those nova bombs.” Falco replied.

“You were timing them?” Mario asked.

“Well, before I found you guys, we were playing Intergalactic Hide and Seek.” Falco started to explain.

“Inter…galactic… Hide… and seek…” Mario repeated, slowly, in complete disbelief that such a renown team was playing such childish games.

“Yeah, boy! Falco is da man at ‘dis, so afta a hot minute of playin’ ‘dis hit, he started timin’ me and Slip-a-slip to see how long it takes to spot him up.” Peppy added with the worst possible slang accent imaginable.

“Peppy, what did we tell you that slang?” Slippy asked, irritated.

“I’m sorry… It’s the only thing that keeps me feeling young other than flying in my good ol’ Arwing.” Peppy replied, normally.

“Hide and Seek… Isn’t that a little childish? You’re Star Fox! Shouldn’t you be saving the Lylat system from threatening doom and thwarting the evil Andross’s plans of galactic conquest?!” Samus shouted.

“Well, Fox defeated Andross a while back and we haven’t had a job to do since then. Mercenaries can’t work if no one calls for us.” Slippy said.

“Yeah yo’. Plus Foxy-boy keeps goin’ ghost on us, so we jus’ chill and gets down on some Hide and Seek.” Peppy added with his horrible slang.

“Damnit, Peppy! Don’t make me come over there…” Falco warned.

“You guys need to lighten up! Let an old-timer have his fun!” Peppy replied.

“No offense, Peppy… but your linguistics are just terrible. Ganondorf would be havin’ seizures right about now if he could hear you. If you can’t speak the language, then please, shut the hell up.” Link requested.

“Fine, I get it…” Peppy responded, miserably.

“Hey, I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, but now’s not the time to be playing catch-up. We’re still facing life-and-death situations, here.” Mario warned as he watched the Flying Pirates scramble.

“They look pretty frantic. I think they’re retreating.” Samus suggested.

The Flying Pirates were far from quitting, though. They were actually flying into each other, forming some type of messy conglomeration. Suddenly, extra body parts started spurting from the cluttered mass of pirates.

“Holy sh…” Falco came to a frightening realization. “They’re not retreating! They’re reforming!” He shouted.

Unfortunately, he was indeed correct. From the mass of Pirates emerged one enormous Flying Pirate!

“UNBELIEVEABLE. YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN HERE, SAMUS. EVERYTHING IS IN MANUAL CONTROL. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WAS PROGRAMMED FOR.”

“This is exactly what you were programmed for, computer! Come back here before I reformat you!” Samus threatened.

“Forget the computer, Samus. If you need help, we’re here.” Link suggested.

“Yeah, we’ll be more than happy to help you out. I’m actually pretty tired of sitting around and clutching my heart whenever something happens.” Mario added.

“Alright, then. Mario, you can the booster controls. Link: man the weapons cache. I’ll control the navigation systems.” Samus commanded.

“We ready to battle? Let’s give ‘em hell!” Falco shouted as he flew toward the Omega Flying Pirate. Slippy and Peppy followed and opened fire.

OFP (Omega Flying Pirate) was incredibly agile despite its large size. It barrel-rolled and deflected all incoming shots right back to their origins. It then followed up with rapid-fire shots from its oversized wrist lasers. Peppy and Slippy barely avoided the onslaught, but Falco and Samus were both hit.

“Urgh!” Falco grunted as he fought to keep his craft in control. “We’re still reeling from earlier. Samus, the arwing is more agile than your spaceship. I'll go in with Peppy and Slippy, but you stay back!” Falco ordered.

“I won’t argue with that.” Mario agreed.

Samus usually wasn’t one to take orders, but this wasn’t the time to be rebellious.

“Reduce our speed, Mario. Link, hold your fire. We don’t want it to turn its attention to us.” She ordered.

“Peppy, Slippy! Delta formation! We need to hit it hard!” Falco commanded.

“Got’cha, Falco!” Slippy responded as he and Peppy flew side-by-side toward Falco.

The three members of Star Fox were now flying in a triangle formation toward OFP. He saw them coming and started speeding toward them. It was like they were playing a game of Chicken.

“Steady… steady…” Peppy said.

The team and the Pirate were now a few thousand kilometers away from each other, but at the speed they were charging each other with, that distance could be covered in a matter of seconds. Closer and closer they came to a crash collision until…

“WE GOT HIM!! UNLOAD ON THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!” Falco shouted.

With that said, all three Arwings emptied their entire supply of nova bombs on OFP at once, promptly breaking formation. There was a blinding explosion following the break. After the light cleared, a harmless Omega Flying Pirate could be seen floating lifelessly through space.

“YEEEE-HAAA!!” Peppy exclaimed. “We got him good!”

“Let’s scrap what’s left of it.” Falco suggested, boosting along with the rest of the Star Fox team toward their downed adversary.

“Can it be? Is that all?” Samus said in disbelief.

“Looks like that’s it. All that hype for nothin’…” Link muttered, almost sounding disappointed.

Samus began to check Omega Flying Pirate with her scan visor. All signs of life were gone.

“I guess that really was…” Samus's voice got caught in her throat when she saw OFP's jetpack suddenly sputter. It wasn’t done, yet. “NO, IT’S STILL ALIVE!! FALL BACK, STAR FOX!!” Samus screamed at the Star Fox team over the intercom.

They barely received the message as OFP suddenly sprung up and jetted toward Falco, Slippy, and Peppy at hypersonic speeds. Falco was the only one to react fast enough, performing a u-turn to avoid the speeding Pirate. Peppy and Slippy were literally clotheslined, sent spiraling out of control.

“AAAAHHHH!!!” Slippy screamed, trying to regain control of the ship.

“Whoa! Did you see that? That attack took seventy-five percent of my shields! We need to finish this thing fast!” Peppy exclaimed.

“I think we weakened him with the Delta Formation. Look.” Falco noticed, watching OFP stagger as it came to a stop from its high-speed attack.

“We need a super-powerful concussive blast to put that thing out of its misery. But I’m all out of bombs!” Slippy shouted.

“We all are! What do we do, now?” Peppy shouted back.

“I can still fuse to my ship and fire a super missile at the Pirate.” Samus offered. “I won’t be able to avoid it if it tries to attack me, though. I need you three to distract it while I charge up the missile.”

“I’m busted up beyond repair, but I think I can survive one more hit.” Falco said.

“We’re with you, Falco!” Peppy shouted.

“Let’s go for another Delta Formation and fake it out!” Slippy suggested.

“Go for it!” Falco agreed as he boosted toward OFP while Peppy and Slippy flew side-by-side below him.

OFP saw them and the game of Chicken commenced once again. When OFP was in close enough proximity, he decided to try to punch the team while they were in such a tight formation.

“BREAK!!” Falco ordered and did a wide somersault while Peppy and Slippy banked left and right, respectively.

OFP hit nothing but empty space as Falco ended up upside-down behind the Pirate and unloaded with his hyper lasers. Peppy and Slippy followed suite and opened fire with their lasers as well. OFP desperately pulled out all of its evasive maneuvers to try to avoid the Star Fox team. As it was dipping and diving, it caught a glimpse of Samus’s ship and saw it charging up for a super missile. OFP shot its surprise arsenal of homing missiles at the Star Fox team and blasted toward Samus’s stationary ship.

“Oh no, it’s heading straight toward us! Falco, what the hell are you guys doing?!” Mario screamed over the intercom.

“It surprised us with homing missiles! We can’t shake these things, so it’s all up to you now…” Falco glumly replied.

“I’ll make that thing eat plasma!” Link said re-manning the weapon controls.

“NO!! I’ll have to charge up again if you fire. I’m almost done… Just… sit back and try to relax!” Samus said, thinking of nothing else.

“I’m starin’ Death in the face… almost smellin’ his breath… and you want me to relax… You know what? There’s nothin’ left to do, now, so I’ll just lie down here.” Link said and literally lied down on the floor.

OFP was still speeding at Samus’s ship with no intention of stopping.

“Are you done yet? I can see that thing’s face now!” Mario warned.

“Five more seconds…” Samus calmly murmured.

“Five… four… three…” Mario began counting down as the Pirate looked like it picked up speed. “Two…”

“Here it comes…” Samus said and unloaded her super missile a second earlier than she anticipated.

“ONE!!!” Mario screamed as the Pirate was so close, its demented grin could be seen.

As soon as Mario said that, there was a spectacular explosion. Samus managed to let off the missile just in time! The explosion was so powerful; it blew the ship back with stupendous force and sent it spiraling out of control for a little while. After fighting with controls for a bit, Samus finally calmed the ship down.

“Holy Din! We’re still alive!” Link screamed out in surprised.

“LEAPING LIGHTYEARS!! YOU ARE THE MASTER OF SUSPENSE, SAMUS!!” Peppy screamed over the intercom.

“You guys are alright!” Mario shouted back over the intercom.

“The missiles died right after you destroyed that Pirate. And when I say destroyed, I mean it in every sense of the word! There’s no trace if it, anywhere! You OBLITERATED him!” Falco announced.

“We can’t celebrate yet, peeps. We still need to take care of Kraid… And I’m pretty sure he knows we're here.” Link said.

“You’re right, Link. Prepare for landing.” Samus said.

“I’m coming with you. I need to meet this Kraid-character. Peppy, Slippy: you guys patrol the area and make sure it's clear.” Falco commanded.

“No problem. Nothing can be as tough as what we just faced a minute ago.” Slippy said.

“I couldn’t agree with you more, Slippy. Good luck down there guys.” Peppy said and left to patrol the planet as Samus and Falco began their respective ships’s decent toward the orange planet.
_________________________

There it is. This one is definitely longer than the last chapter, but you won't get any truly long chapters until the end of Act 8.

Lata.

[Tenlaius]

awesome
ok 3 notes:
1st=Link might actually get laid
2nd=What are Zelda and Peach doing since Bowser and Ganondorf aren't their
3rd=keep it going..this is funny and a bit of action.

[ZeekeXIV]

Okay, guys. Sorry about missing Thursday's update date. It seems I forgot about Friday and Saturday, too.

I know, I'm the man.

Anyway, here's a new chapter coming at you. One thing before I post it. Every chapter before this has been heavily editted. This chapter, and every chapter afterward, won't be. I plan to get to all of them, but right now, there's no time. I'm focusing on finishing my story first before I go back to 'em.

This isn't a pseudo-warning about how wack this chapter is gonna be. Even uneditted, I've gotten very positive feeback about this (and following) chapters. They were good before I editted 'em. I'm just trying to make 'em better.

Anyway, enough rambling. Act 7: Part 3 in the hizzy. Enjoy!
_____________________

Act 7: Long Time, No See (Part 3)

Samus’s crew finally landed on the surface of Zebes. The environment hadn’t changed one bit since the last time they had been there. Samus had put on her helmet once again to prepare for the battle against Kraid.

“I can only guess the Brinstar Depths is underground. So where do we start digging?” Mario asked.

“We don’t. This entire planet is connected by an intricate series of elevators and tunnels. If you haven't noticed, I just-so-happened to land right near an elevator shaft that can bring us directly to the Depths. Just follow me and we’ll be there in no time.” Samus said and started walking toward the elevator.

Everyone had reached the elevator shaft expect Link, who seemed to still be at Samus’s starship.

“What’s the hold-up, Link?!” Falco yelled, wondering what could be taking him so long.

“Take it easy! You in that much of a rush to see Kraid?! I’m comin’!” Link shouted back, finally catching up with the rest of the crew.

Finally, everyone boarded the elevator and it began its unreasonably slow decent toward the Depths. As they came closer and closer to their destination, it began to get hotter and hotter.

“Why is it so hot…? Weren’t we here for the Smash tournaments? I don’t remember it being this muggy…” Link whined.

“Deal with it, you baby. This is nothing.” Falco replied.

“Are you kiddin’ me? For every foot we go down, it feels like the temperature goes up a thousand degrees!” Link complained.

“You wanna know where real heat is? Go to Solar, in the Lylat system, and spend about a day there.” Falco suggested. “That planet is like a mini-sun! Don’t talk to me about heat until you’ve been there.”

“I don’t need to go to a different planet to complain about how hot it is!” Link countered.

“Really, Link, it’s not as bad as you think.” Mario said. “Even Lethal Lava Land was worse than this. That whole place is just one big fire-pit. There’s even a volcano.”

“That place couldn’t have been that bad if you’re not complainin’ about it.” Link said. “You wanna talk about heat, Falco? You wanna talk about volcanoes, Mario? Let’s talk about Death Mountain.”

“…don’t the Gorons live there? That place wasn’t that bad.” Mario remembered.

“That’s because we weren’t tryin’ to get into the volcano, up top.” Link said. “When you get up past Goron City, the mountain literally gets pissed off, mainly because it’s tryin’ to keep peeps away from the Fire Temple. It spits flamin’ boulders at you while you’re scalin’ its face, and once you actually get inside, you need a Goron’s tunic just to survive the heat. And even that won’t guarantee that you won’t get burned to death in there.”

“Hmmm… Sounds serious.” Falco hummed.

“Serious as a heart attack. Trust me, Falco, I know heat. You want even more proof? Check these crazy scars I got from the heat blisters.” Link suggested, making like he was about to take off his tunic.

“HEY!! You’ll keep that shirt on, if you know what’s good for you!” Falco threatened with quickly-drawn blaster pointed at Link’s midsection.

“Alright, alright! Chill out, Falco. Damn…” Link said, fixing his shirt, following that with a whiny sigh. “Farore… why is it so damn hot? Are we there yet?”

The elevator taking them into the Brinstar Depths stopped its decent, inadvertently answering Link’s question. The crew finally arrived in the vast depths of Brinstar. There was no Kraid to be found, though. Spotting the very familiar battlefield of the Super Smash Brothers Melee tournament floating above them, they used a nearby teleporter to get up there.

“Well, we’re here, but why isn’t Kraid?” Mario asked.

“I don’t know. He should be here! …unless he decided to move up to the main part of Brinstar…” Samus suggested.

“Oh, hell no! I’m not takin’ that slow-ass elevator back up that hot-ass shaft!” Link shouted.

“Calm down, Link. There’s another elevator that leads to Brinstar from here.” Samus pointed out. Link still wore an unenthusiastic grimace on his face. “…it’s considerably cooler and faster than the one we just took.” She added.

Link didn’t crack a smile, but his face did seem to lighten up, a little.

“Fine. Let’s go.” Link agreed.

Just before any of them could take a step, the entire Brinstar Depths began violently rumbling. Lava began to raise above all possible exits, leaving them no escape.

“I don’t know whether to take this as a good thing or a bad thing.” Mario said. “I mean, I know this means we finally found the real Kraid, but now we’re trapped.”

The rumbling went on for another two minutes. Even though they knew Kraid was there, he still wouldn’t show up. This puzzled Samus, greatly. She knew there was nowhere else for him to hide, here.

“Where the hell is he?!” Link impatiently shouted.

“…is that him?” Falco pointed out, checking some type of spiked surface slowly rising out of the lava.

“That’s him.” Samus verified, recognizing Kraid’s pointy dome.

Little by painstakingly little, Kraid’s body rose out of the magma.

“…it seems like he’s trying to make a dramatic entrance.” Samus unsurely speculated. “I hope none of you are intimidated by this.”

“I’m so intimidated that I’m PISSED OFF!!” Falco shouted.

“My thoughts, exactly.” Mario agreed, along with Link nodding.

Ten minutes later…

With Kraid almost completely out of the lava, but still emerging, Samus took the opportunity to give her equipment a quick check to make sure she was in optimal combat condition. Falco decided to practice his kicking techniques, furiously slicing through the air with his feet, skillfully and hastily. Mario and Link, though, were deadlocked in an epic game of Rock-Paper-Scissors, with the score tied at game-point. It may have seemed like they were goofing off instead of preparing for the arduous struggle ahead of them, but one could argue that they were, in fact, getting ready: the game forces you to predict your opponent’s next move, which would be crucial for they were about to face.

“Rock!” Mario shouted, throwing a fist down.

Link paused, receiving a confused glance from Mario.

“Ming!” Link blurted out, jabbing Mario in the throat with his middle and ring fingers.

Mario only managed to let out a gurgling sputter as he gripped his Adam’s apple in pain.

“What the hell was that for?!” Mario finally exclaimed, though with a hoarse voice, still rubbing his throat.

“Jab-to-the-throat always wins.” Link replied, holding up his two “minging” fingers.

“I hate you…” Mario hissed.

An ear-splitting roar was suddenly heard, signifying that Kraid finally emerged and was ready to battle. Each side glared at each other, briefly. While the Samus and company burned their looks of seething anger on their massive adversary, Kraid stared back at them with a smug look of arrogance. It was obvious that he didn’t take the group seriously.

“SAMUS! IT’S SO NICE OF YOU TO JOIN ME IN MY LAIR. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?” Kraid broke the silence with blatantly false hospitality.

“I don’t have time for pointless pre-battle conversations, Kraid. All I have to say to you is if you wanted me dead, you should have done it yourself, you coward.” Samus answered.

“YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME ABOUT COWARDICE? YOU COME TO CONFRONT ME IN MY OWN LAIR WITH THREE OTHERS, AND STILL HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CALL ME A COWARD?” Kraid asked, seemingly appalled at Samus’s words. “IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU BRING WITH YOU. ALL OF YOU WILL MEET YOUR INEVITABLE DEMISES HERE!”

“Wrong, Kraid. You’ll be meetin’ your demise the same way your sick, tentacled clone did: with my sword buried in your dome!” Link counter-threatened.

And with those words, the battle commenced.

Kraid surprised the crew by not slashing at them, but at the actual battlefield. This caused it to turn clockwise, sending the four scrambling to the other side of the stage to keep from falling into the boiling magma, below. During their disarray, Kraid took that opportunity to blast his dangerous stomach spikes at them. The group was effortlessly able to dodge the incoming spikes as they made it safely to the other side.

Finally, the first attacks from their side were made by Mario and Link; they shot off as many fireballs and arrows as fast as they could. This only amused Kraid, as he temporarily stopped his onslaught to laugh at the duo’s attempts.

“BWA HA HA!!! YOUR PATHETIC ATTACKS DON’T EVEN TICKLE ME!” Kraid shouted.

Before they could even react, Kraid slammed Mario and Link with a balled up fist, effectively ending their role in the battle all too quickly. They suddenly found themselves buried neck deep in the battlefield’s terrain, completely incapable of moving anything other than their heads. Link and Mario could only look at each other in stupefied disappointment while Kraid was taken over by his uproarious laughter.

“…not even an elaborate special move took us out. He just pounded us with his fist…” Mario uttered.

“Don’t tell me you’re done, already, Mario! I know it’s gonna take way more than that to take us out!” Link assured him, struggling to find his way out of this predicament. “Falco! Samus! Come help us out!”

The two just glanced at each other as if they were considering otherwise.

“…maybe you two should just stay put. You’re just gonna get in our way.” Falco stated.

“Yeah, right, Falco.” Link refused to believe Falco meant that. “Help me outta here, Samus.”

Samus glanced at Link for a moment, and then turned to Falco, who was slowly shaking his head, “no”.

“I’m sorry, Link… but I agree with Falco.” Samus admitted. “Your weaponry is no match for Kraid, and I can see it being your downfall. I think it’s best if we just leave you two where you are.”

After a shocked pause accompanied by a stunned look on his face, Link was just about to argue his case when Mario spoke up.

“Link.” Link looked to Mario. “I agree with them, too. We’re nothing to Kraid. It’s better if we just stay here. I think we’ll be safe until Samus and Falco finish the battle.”

With a disappointed sigh, “…fine.” Link muttered, defeated.

“Don’t take it so hard, Link. We’re not saying you’re weak. We just don’t want you guys to get killed.” Falco said. “I can already tell Kraid won’t last too long against me and Samus. We’ll be done with him before you know it!” Falco confidently guaranteed. “Just don’t go anywhere.”

“LIKE WE HAVE A CHOICE, YOU BEAKED BASTARD!!” Link screamed at Falco, while Mario let out a subtle laugh.

“I like that kid.” Falco admitted with a smile. “Alright, Samus.” He said, refocusing on the battle at hand. “You fought him before, right?”

“Fought and defeated.” Samus replied.

“Even better. So how do we make this a repeat performance?” He asked.

“We have to attack his eyes in order to get him to open his mouth. With that, I’ll shoot super missiles in there. I believe if I can get three of them into his mouth, he’ll be finished for good.” Samus explained.

“Sounds like a plan.” Falco said.

“TRY AS HARD AS YOU CAN, BUT MY EYES WON’T BE SUCH AN EASY TARGET!” Kraid assured them, finally ending his laughter and overhearing the plotting duo’s plans.

“I dunno, Kraid… They’re looking pretty big and red, to me. If that doesn’t scream ‘bulls-eye’, I dunno what does.” Falco said.

“OBSERVE.” Kraid announced, and stunned Falco and Samus by lowing his eyelids until they closed shut.

Samus and Falco just glanced at each other, unable to comprehend the benefits this could possibly net Kraid.

“I don’t understand…” Samus said. “It’ll be impossible for you to fight us with your eyes closed.”

“CORRECTION: IT’LL BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO FIGHT ME WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED. IT IS VERY POSSIBLE FOR ME, THOUGH. TO OVERCOME THIS LITTLE EYE NUANCE I’VE DEVELOPED, I HAD MY ELITE SPACE PIRATE TEAM CREATE A CONCOCTION THAT WOULD HELP ME. THEY HAVE SUCCEEDED, FOR NOW I CAN SEE THROUGH MY EYELIDS!” Kraid concluded, immediately shooting his stomach spikes at an unprepared Samus and Falco.

They quickly reacted, going their separate ways to avoid the attack. Samus dodged the spikes by curling into her morph ball and boost-balling out of the way. Falco dodged by jumping over the area of attack as high as he could. He managed to jump up to Kraid’s face-level.

Time seemed to slow down as Falco jumped up to Kraid’s eye-level, staring him dead in the pupil as his began his decent.

Time suddenly snapped back to speed with Kraid throwing a fist at him. With lightning-quick reflexes, Falco evaded the punch with a Falco Phantasm in mid-air and ended up on Kraid’s immense cranium. Hoping he found a weak spot, Falco started to attack the spikes on Kraid’s head. He seemed to find that sweet spot, as Kraid frantically tried to swat his attacking opponent off his head, flinching in pain with every roundhouse Falco dealt him.

Samus added some assistance by temporarily diverting Kraid’s attention to her, firing some charged power shots at him. Kraid went in, trying to deal Samus a crippling blow, but she was more than ready, space-jumping out of the way and sending another charged shot at his chest.

Figuring the bigger threat was still on his head, Kraid returned his attention to Falco. It was a little too late, though. With the time Kraid had his attention on Samus, Falco managed to weaken the spikes on his head to the point where he actually managed to break off the biggest one with a powerful smash-kick.

Kraid emitted a powerful, yet pained roar, leaving his opened mouth very vulnerable. Not one to miss an opportunity, Samus quickly charged up a super missile and fired it right into Kraid’s gaping maw. The resulting impact blew out a few of Kraid’s teeth, as well as knocking a bit of sense out of him.

“Great job, Samus!” Falco quickly commended, still on top of Kraid’s head.

Before Falco could restart his onslaught on another spike, Kraid literally head-butted the battlefield, throwing his annoying attacker off his head and directly into Samus. Unexpectedly, the stage began to rotate once again. They both sprung up and made their way to the safe side, leaving Mario and Link to involuntarily turn with the stage and stare down into the boiling depths, below. There wasn’t a chance at them suddenly falling out of their spots, but seeing the long way down was still unnerving.

“THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN, GUYS!!” Link shouted, obviously upset about his new position.

Kraid began the next round of attacks by shooting a long stream of smaller stomach spikes into the air, allowing them to dangerously rain down on the stage. Falco took the initiative and dove at Samus while providing cover for the both of them with his Reflector. They may have been safe for the time being, but Falco could only wonder how long he’d be able to keep it up.

“Falco! You can’t possibly keep this up forever.” Samus said, obviously concerned.

“We better think of something fast before my Reflector breaks, then, huh? Those spikes look pretty painful.” Falco suggested.

“I have an idea. It might be a little difficult.” Samus warned.

“Talk quick. The Reflector won’t last much longer…” Falco said.

With that, Samus pulled out a ball with her signature “S” on it from a compartment in her suit. “This Screw Attack ball, along with my own Screw Attack, will allow me to perform a triple-jump Screw Attack. Not only will it create a protective and destructive barrier around me, it also creates a slight vortex, which should suck in some of the raining spikes and leave a decent area below me completely clear. Needless to say: try to keep up. When I begin my second jump, I’m going to redirect the spikes straight toward you. At this point, I need you to reflect them back to Kraid. That should at least force him to stop causing this spike rain. Can you do this?”

“You kidding me? It was harder to teach Slippy to keep up with us in Delta Formation! Whenever you’re ready, just say the word.” Falco assured Samus.

With a nod, Samus jumped into the hail of spikes to begin step one of her plan. Just as she explained, the vortex of the Screw Attack drew in enough spikes to clear an area below her. Falco easily kept up with her, finally able to deactivate his Reflector and let it recharge momentarily. Samus then went through with step two, sending a steady stream of spikes was sent from straight to Falco. At the last possible second, he reactivated his reflector and directed every thing right back at Kraid’s massive belly. Every single spike reflected became lodged into Kraid’s body, sending a surge of pain so great that only a creature of Kraid’s magnitude would be able to absorb the shock and still live to tell about it. With her third and final jump, Samus used it to protect herself from the last of the torrential downpour, which had stopped once Falco sent Kraid’s own weapons back at him.

Despite the incredible pain he was in, Kraid managed not to scream. He did fail to keep his eyes closed, however. All three of them were wide open with indescribable agony. Noticing the eyes, Falco quickly drew his blaster and opened fire on the newly revealed target. He only managed to hit two of the three targets, as Kraid was able to close the third eye before it could get hit, but that was the only thing needed to get Kraid to open wide and let out another ear-splitting bellow of agony. Samus let off another super missile just before Kraid could realize what he was doing. The missile flawlessly sailed into his mouth and once again blew out some teeth, and this time, part of his cheek.

“It’s over, Kraid!” Samus shouted, noticing Kraid looking considerably weaker than when they started. “Surrender!”

“IT WILL NEVER BE OVER, SAMUS! AS LONG AS SPACE PIRATES EXIST, I WILL BE REVIVED AND I WILL BE STRONGER THAN EVER!” Kraid roared, furiously. “EVEN IF I LOSE NOW, I WILL ONE DAY RETURN TO CRUSH YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!”

Kraid suddenly unleashed a new attack: rapidly spitting fireballs that were the size of small boulders at his opponents. Samus and Falco quickly dove to the side to avoid the burning balls of flame. Immediately after, Kraid slashed at the stage, yet again, sending the fighting duo to flee to the new safe side of the battlefield. If there was any good that came from this, though, it was the fact that Mario and Link were once again right-side up.

“Glad to be right-side up, again…” Mario said, woozily.

“I know what you mean. The blood was startin’ to rush to my brain… Be glad we turned up when we did. I was two seconds away from throwin’ up on you.” Link explained.

They looked up to see Falco and Samus still battling Kraid. Falco shot with his Blaster while Samus unloaded her missiles on Kraid’s face, both in hopes of getting him to open his remaining eye. Even though every hit seemed to hurt Kraid, he was fighting with determination instead of arrogance, waving off all signs of pain and continuing his onslaught of spikes and fireballs while refusing to open his eye for anything.

Kraid focused his efforts on catching Samus, first. He finally managed to find her off-guard while she was dodging a renegade fireball. Kraid shot a single spike at Samus at a surprisingly high speed. She attempted to dodge it, but sorely underestimated its speed. The spike pierced through her left arm and pinned her to the ground. The expression on her masked face didn’t need to be seen in order to tell how much pain she was in.

“NO, SAMUS!!” Link screamed, once again struggling to free himself from his partially underground prison.

As Samus fought to free her arm from the spike, Falco was having troubles of his own. Now that the battle suddenly became a completely uneven one-on-one, Kraid quickly took advantage of the situation, trying his hardest to shower Falco in a bath of fire. Falco, amazingly enough, was able to dodge everything thrown at him, but his constant exposure to the scorching heat of the flames was starting to take its toll, slowly making him more and more sluggish and exhausted.

Taking notice, Kraid took careful aim and bulleted another fireball at the tired Falco. Falco managed to avoid the fireball with a lazy dive to the side, but was in no way, shape, or form ready for the surprise hail of spikes that exploded from the fireball when it hit the ground. Taking the vicious attack in its entirety, Falco collapsed to the ground, falling into unconsciousness.

“BWA HA HA!!” Kraid laughed, thoroughly pleased by the results of his battle. “YOU SAID IT WAS OVER, SAMUS. YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT THAT MUCH, AT LEAST. WHAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT WAS IT BEING OVER FOR ME. QUITE THE CONTRARY! IT’S OVER FOR YOU!” Kraid said, grabbing both Samus and Falco. “I COMMEND YOU FOR TRYING TO KILL ME ONCE AGAIN. IT’S SO UNFORTUNATE THAT YOUR PLAN HAD TO FAIL SO MISERABLY. BUT DON’T WORRY; I WILL MAKE YOUR STRUGGLE SOUND EPIC. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A SOFT SPOT IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH FOR YOU.” And at the conclusion, Kraid engulfed the downed duo in one swallow.

Mario and Link, who were watching the battle up to that point, gasped in shock at what they just witnessed: the quite possible end of Samus Aran and Falco Lombardi.

“No…” Mario uttered in an astonished whisper. Link couldn’t even bring himself to make a sound; the lump in his throat kept his vocal cords from functioning properly.

“YOU TWO ARE STILL ALIVE?” Kraid exclaimed, just noticing Mario and Link’s heads sticking out of the ground. “NO MATTER. THE LAVA TIDES ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN. IT WILL RISE HIGH ABOVE THE HEIGHT OF THE VERY PLATFORM YOU’RE BURIED IN. IT WILL BE A VERY PAINFUL DEATH FOR YOU, BUT JUST ANOTHER HOT BATH FOR ME.” He taunted, laughing afterward.

“Link…” Mario said, noticing his buried partner looking desperately hopeless. “I know it’s going to be hard, but we need to think more about getting out of here.”

Link’s expression suddenly changed. He looked up, with a new face of determination.

“We are gettin’ outta here. How else are we gonna buy Samus more time?” Link said, actually managing to move his arm a little.

Mario didn’t know what to say to reply to that.

“Link…” Mario said after watching Link work his arm out of his prison in the ground. “We both saw the same thing. I don’t know how either of them could survive that. Even if they could take being eaten, Kraid’s body temperature has to be way over anything they could live through.”

“B.S. I’m tellin’ you that Samus and Falco will be back with us.” Link asserted. “We’re all gonna get outta this, together. You just gotta believe.”

Link not only managed to free his arm, but he was also able to pull out his hookshot, which he shot at the ground to pull the rest of his body out. He quickly made it over to Mario to help him out of his hole, as well. Afterward, he equipped himself with a new, stronger sword: the Biggoron’s sword. Unsheathing it, he held it towards Mario.

“Fire it up.” Link commanded.

“Link… you’re in denial.” Mario said.

“Fire up my sword.” Link repeated, still with his blade outstretched.

“Link… there’s no point to this. I’m sorry about Samus, but there’s nothing we can do for her now…” Mario muttered. “The only thing left for us to do is esca--”

“FIRE UP MY GOD DAMN SWORD, MARIO!!” Link suddenly burst out. Mario was shocked, causing him to stare at Link as if he were a stranger. “If you don’t help me out with this, then F**K bringin’ your brother back!”

Those words tore Mario to pieces. He had no idea Link was that hung up over Samus, even after seeing that there was no hope for her. Even though Mario truly believed Link was just wasting precious little time holding on to a hopeless dream, Link was still the only one who could possibly help him in bringing his brother back, and the only way to keep him with him was to give into his demands. Through gritted teeth, Mario blazed the silver blade with his flaming hands; all while giving Link the most disappointed and offended of looks.

Link looked to his new, two-handed sword for second, then letting his eyes wander into Mario’s. They locked eyes momentarily, with neither of them even sharing a breath. Deep down, Link truly regretted what he said to Mario. He never meant to say anything like that; his emotions had gotten the better of him.

Instead of apologizing, though, Link, with his fiercely heated sword, turned his attention Kraid and shot an arrow at him to catch his interest. Kraid promptly responded by returning fire, literally. Link bravely stood his ground, slicing through the burning ball of flames. Surprised by this, Kraid tried to ground Link with a closed fist, once again. There was no avail this time, as Link quickly hopped to the side, then jumped onto Kraid’s massive fist, slicing up his entire arm as he made his to the head.

With crossed arms, Mario only stood by and watched Link’s attempts at fighting Kraid. Although he wouldn’t admit it if he were asked, Mario secretly hoped Kraid would land one threatening blow on Link, making him realize that Mario had the right idea of leaving when they could, all along.

Link finally reached Kraid’s head, ready to repeat the feat of burying his burning brand right into Kraid’s skull. Kraid tried to slap Link off his head, but his attempts were with failure as Link’s furious sword slashes actually managed to deal some damage to Kraid’s tough skin, forcing him to pull back. There was nothing standing in Link’s way as he positioned himself right above Kraid’s brain and threw the tip of his blade right down into Kraid’s skull.

What made this attempt so radically different from the episode Link faced with Kraid’s clone was that his sword shattered once it hit the unforgivably-hard skull of his adversary. Link’s, and even Mario’s, eyes went wide in sheer bewilderment. Link could only lift his shattered weapon and hold it at face-level, forcing himself to come to terms that his once thought-to-be unbreakable sword had just broke, right in front of his eyes.

“DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A WEAPON COULD BRING ME ANY REAL HARM?” Kraid taunted, submerging himself in the lava.

Link hastily jumped off Kraid’s head and back onto the battlefield. Kraid quickly re-emerged with a dripping mouthful of magma. Link could only guess what Kraid was planning to do. Unfortunately, his assumption was correct as Kraid spit a scalding stream of boiling lava right at him. Although he knew it’d be useless, Link braced himself behind his shield in an attempt to defend himself from the lethal spray.

The last thing either of them expected was Mario literally jumping in with his cape spinning, miraculously redirecting all the lava meant for Link back into Kraid’s face. While Kraid backed away, growling in pain with his hands over his eyes because of the magma he caught in them, Link stared at Mario in disbelief.

“You… saved my life.” Link uttered, still shocked by Mario’s gesture, even after what he said to him.

“I know.” Mario simply nodded.

Any other person would’ve left him to burn after what he did, and Link knew this. But not Mario. Link had no idea what to say after that, except the obvious…

“Mario, man…” Link hung his head. “I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean a word of that.”

Mario kept silent for a second, leaving Link to wonder if Mario would ever accept his apology. What he said was unnecessarily harsh. But with a consoling hand on his shoulder and a nod…

“It’s alright, Link.” Mario accepted the apology. “That’s what I kept telling myself to keep me from finding a way out of here without you.” He admitted. “To tell you the truth, I had no idea my cape could reflect the lava. It was the only thing left to do. You have no idea how lucky you are.”

“I MUST ADMIT…” Kraid started, wiping the excess magma off his face. “YOU TWO ARE FULL OF SURPRISES. I NEVER WOULD’VE EXPECTED YOU TO SURVIVE THIS LONG. BUT THERE’S NOTHING LEFT TO SAVE YOU. I WAS GOING TO LET YOU DROWN IN LAVA, BUT I THINK IT’S BEST IF I TAKE CARE OF YOU TWO, PERSONALLY.”

Kraid then began breathing in deeply, sucking in huge amounts of lava. He was preparing to fire a gargantuan fireball at the two; one that they had no hope of escaping. They could tell it was going to be something spectacular by the way bright flames were flaring from Kraid’s nostrils.

“You ready for another staring contest with Death?” Mario asked Link, seeing no way out of this, but remaining brave, anyway.

“I’ve had so many contests with him that I forgot how to blink! Bring it on, Kraid!” Link shouted, throwing his broken Biggoron’s Sword and his shield down while provoking Kraid to do his worst.

Kraid stared at them for a second, almost stunned by their demeanor, even in the face of certain doom. Streams of lava and bits of the fireball drooled from his enormous jaws. He reared his head back, seconds away from delivering the monstrous sphere of flames.

And all Mario and Link could do was brace themselves, awaiting their unavoidable demises…

[ZeekeXIV]

Public interest seems to be dwindling...

Well, here's the next chapter.
_____________

Act 7: Long Time, No See (Part 4)

…

They were still waiting…

“…I think we shoulda been dead by now.” Link said, amazed that they were still breathing.

“Same here…” Mario said in equal awe.

“What wrong, Kraid? Don’t bitch out! FINISH US!!!” Link shouted, tauntingly, at Kraid, throwing his arms up to further provoke his gigantic enemy.

“You know… I don’t have a problem if he doesn’t want to…” Mario said.

“Yeah, neither do I.” Link admitted. “I still kinda wanna know why he’s just standin’ there. We woulda been done if he spit, so why’d he stop?”

The two stared at Kraid, who still had his head reared back as if he was going to send off the fireball at any second. It seemed like he was frozen in this position, though. Mario and Link glanced at each other, confused by what was going on. Suddenly, Kraid began to tremble violently, with a deep rumbling that could be heard from within him.

“Is this another attack he has?” Link wondered.

“No, it looks like he’s not doing that on purpose.” Mario speculated, studying Kraid’s uncontrolled movements. His face paled, a little, when he came to a possible realization. “Oh no… I think he’s about to blow!”

“Blow? As in ‘blow the hell up’? Explode?!” Link exclaimed, already knowing the frightening answer.

“What else can I mean by that?!” Mario shouted back, sarcastically. “We need to duck for cover!” He ordered, immediately hitting the deck with Link following suite.

Seconds later, the trembling came to an apex. It was more like a quake than a tremble. Tidal waves of lava were created and crashed against the bottom of the stage. Then, just like that, Kraid literally erupted, leaving all types of nasty chucks of him flying all over the Brinstar Depths. Renegade splotches of slime splattered all over Mario and Link. Most of it landed in the lava, but a few particularly large blobs landed on the stage where Mario and Link were.

“Eeeewwww…” They groaned, simultaneously, as they rose to their feet while trying to wipe the slime off themselves.

They noticed the blobs that landed on the stage. One of them started jiggling, with an arm and a foot awkwardly sticking out. They seemed like they were struggling to escape their slimy prison.

“Mario, you see that? That’s gotta be Samus! And maybe Falco’s in one of the other blobs!” Link excitedly said. “I told you they’d still be alive!”

Mario could only smile. This was one of those times were he was never so glad to be wrong.

“I think Samus is in that one, so I’m headin’ over there. You check one of those for Falco.” Link suggested.

With that, they temporarily parted ways. Mario checked the nearest blob. He couldn’t believe his luck; he found Falco on his first try, who had been struggling to escape from the blob on his own. Mario pulled his winged teammate out of the slime and stared at him as if he had a knife through his head.

“I can’t believe you’re still alive…” Mario uttered.

“What’d you expect? Of course I’m… still alive! The only way I’ll die… is of natural causes. Besides, Kraid doesn’t chew… his food before he swallows.” Falco panted, still obviously suffering from the exhaustion of the battle.

“Is Samus alright, too?” Mario asked.

“She’s better than alright. She’s the reason… Kraid exploded! You gotta love those power bombs…” Falco said.

“Where is she?” Mario wondered.

“When Kraid started blowing up… me and Samus tried to stay with each other so we wouldn’t get separated after the explosion. Obviously, it didn’t work out the way we wanted… but she should still be alright. She should be in one of the blobs.” Falco explained, slowly catching his breath.

While Falco and Mario caught each other up in their most recent events, Link struggled to free the trapped body from the thick sludge.

“Don’t worry, I’m right here! Just grab my hand, Samus-baby.” Link comforted and pulled the arm out of the slime.

“Link?” Samus asked.

“That's my name. Where’s your head? I wanna see your face.” Link said.

“It’s behind you, along with the rest of my body.” Samus said.

“…what?” Link said, confused, and turned around.

Sure enough, Samus really behind him, covered in slime. Other than the nasty wound in her left arm from the spike, she was perfectly fine.

“What are you doin’ over there?!” Link shouted in disbelief. “And if that’s you, then who the hell is this?!” He realized, frantically pulling the arm out of the slime.

As Link pulled at the arm, more of the body was uncovered. First, the back could be seen, with a long cape covering it. Then, there was a head with familiar short, fiery-orange hair. Then, there was the unmistakably long nose…

“ARE YOU KIDDIN’ ME?!” Link yelled as he realized just who he was pulling out of the slime.

It was Ganondorf; unconscious from the explosion. Link’s heart jumped as he slowly backed up to where Mario, Samus, and Falco were standing.

“Mario… look…” Link stammered as he pointed at Ganondorf.

Thoroughly befuddled as well, Mario stared at an unconscious Ganondorf. How could he be here in the Brinstar Depths when we left him in Hyrule was what they both thought as they stared him.

Suddenly, Ganondorf began to rise out of the slime, but he was still unconscious. Another head could be seen below him. It seemed like Ganondorf was lying on top of someone else. Ganondorf had fallen off the new, upright body, who had his back to the four-person crew. Spikes poked out from the goop and sharp nails could be seen sticking out from the large hands and feet.

“No way…” Mario gasped as he realized who the other person was.

It was none other than King Koopa himself: Bowser! Checking his surroundings, he began to scan the area, stopping cold in his tracks when he saw Link and Mario staring at him. How the hell did they get here is what he thought to himself as he stared at the two, trying to convince himself that they actually were right there.

At that moment, Ganondorf finally started coming to. Groggily rising to his feet, he caught Bowser seemingly mesmerized by something. Ganondorf’s light shoves to his arm weren’t doing a good job of catching his attention. He was seconds away from speaking up, but immediately understood why Bowser was so awestruck. His eyes became fixated on his two adversaries; Mario and Link. What the f**k are they doin’ here is what Ganondorf thought to himself as he took the first step forward, inching nearer to the opposing crew.

Link followed Ganondorf’s example, taking a step of his own forward. Bowser and Mario did the same. All four of them came closer and closer to each other until they were standing face-to-face: Link facing Ganondorf, and Bowser facing Mario. Samus and Falco could only look on, expecting an inevitable fight to take place between the four.

Link slowly reached behind him to grab the hilt of his sheathed Master Sword. Ganondorf let his dark energy flow to each hand. Mario subtly raised his fists to assume a fighting stance. Bowser cracked each of his fingers in preparation for the battle.

Just before any one of them could make the first move, the ground below them began rumbling violently, bringing the potential conflict to an anticlimactic end before it could even start. All six of them struggled to keep their footing.

“We owe y’all a beat-down, but now, it’s about that time.” Ganondorf said, backing away toward the edge of the stage.

“See you in Hyrule.” Bowser said, following Ganondorf, who just dove off the edge.

“WAIT!!” Link and Mario shouted in unison, making a mad dash to look over the edge.

They caught a glimpse of Bowser falling into a portal, which closed mere seconds after he entered. After the portal disappeared, Link and Mario noticed the lava was a lot higher than they last remembered.

“No! The lava tides!” Mario realized.

“…you guys feel that?” Falco said, looking to his feet.

The ground’s rumbling was dying down, but an even scarier feeling replaced that; the feeling of the floating plot of land teetering on its side as if it was about to fall. And fall, it did, landing face-down into the boiling pool of magma. Everyone managed to make it to the safe side of the land, and was especially thankful that the land was able to serve as a floatation device.

“What do we do now?! Every single exit is under the lava!” Mario said, frantically looking around the caverns, hoping he’d miraculously find a hidden escape.

“It can’t get any worse than this!” Falco said.

“Did you forget Murphy’s Law already? It can always get worse, and it will. Just be prepared for it.” Samus calmly stated.

“How can it…” Falco started, but was never able to finish that question.

A subtle rumbling was felt beneath the ground they were standing on. Suddenly, a burst of magma erupted below the plot of land, sending all of them sky-rocketing into the ceiling. They sped all the way up, nearly crashing into the roof of the Brinstar Depths, but just stopped short, falling back down into the lava.

“DAMN YOU AND YOUR LAWS, MURPHY!!” Falco screamed, throwing both his fists into the air and shaking them angrily.

Just then, Link began silently laughing to himself. A hyperventilating Mario caught sight of this. When Link noticed him, he broke out into a whole-hearted guffaw. Everyone else could only look at him like he had completely lost his mind.

“You’re kinda scaring me, Link…” Falco admitted.

“Please share what could possibly be so funny at a time like this.” Samus ordered as the plot of land started rumbling as if it was once again about to be catapulted into the air.

“Yo, Mario! Remember when Sephiroth summoned Meteor, and the only way we could escape was with Farore’s Wind?” Link asked, still snickering.

“Yes… It wasn’t that long since it happened…” Mario answered, failing to see the point of that question.

“And remember we ended up in a random place because I didn’t set it before?” Link continued, wearing a grin as if everything was going great.

“Get to the point!” Mario shouted, just after the plot of land was shot skyward again.

“It looks we gotta use it again. And we’re all probably gonna end up somewhere random because I didn’t set it before, right?” Link looked to Mario.

“Unfortunately…” Mario muttered, knowing the answer all too well.

“SURPRISE!!” Link suddenly burst out. “I remembered to set it up, this time! I set it right before we boarded the elevator, so we’ll end up right in front of Samus’s starship! That’s why I took so long to catch up to you guys.”

“This is probably the smartest thing you’ve done all day! Get us out of here, then!” Falco shouted as the plot of landed in the lava again.

“Not yet…” Link defied, calmly.

“WHAT?!!” Falco shouted on top of his lungs. “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN ‘NOT YET’?!! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE IF WE STAY HERE ANY LONGER!!”

“First, I need Samus to promise me somethin’…” Link said with a sly look on his face.

“Link… tell me you’re joking…” Mario shook his head, completely mystified as to why Link would choose such an inappropriate time to joke around.

“Samus…?” Link said, looking to her, with his face suddenly turning very serious.

Samus could’ve very easily “persuaded” Link to quit the games and get them all out of harm’s way. “Persuaded” meaning “very painfully forced”… But, for some odd reason she will never understand, she decided to play along and listen to what Link had to say.

“Yes… Link?” Samus asked with a confused look under her helmet.

Link motioned Samus to come closer so he could whisper it into her ear. Samus removed her helmet and listened to Link’s request. First, an appalled look took over her face. She then promptly responded by clocking Link over the head with her helmet and shoving her arm cannon under his chin.

“Not even if we were married…” Samus hissed at Link.

“Okay, okay! I was just kiddin’! We can leave now. Gather ‘round, people.” Link announced as everyone got close to him.

As everyone got closer to him, the land was blasted into the air again. This time, it was inevitable that it would slam directly into the ceiling.

“All aboard?” Link asked.

“STOP THE BULLSHIT AND USE THE GOD DAMN THING!!!” Falco screamed, impatiently.

Link immediately used Farore’s wind, safely teleporting all four of them out of the Brinstar Depths just as the plot of land smashed into the ceiling. All of them ended up exactly where Link said they would: right in front of the elevator leading to the Depths.

“Thank you, thank you! No applaud necessary. I know I’m the man! You don’t have to say anything.” Link boasted while taking a bow.

“You caused more heart trauma than I would’ve liked to experience.” Samus said to Link.

“Yep. I’m sure my lifespan is about five years shorter now.” Falco added.

“Whatever. We’re out, aren’t we? That’s all that matters. Now me and Mario can get back to savin’ Luigi and returnin’ to Hyrule.” Link said.

“Luigi…” Falco repeated, the name ringing a bell. “Isn’t that your brother, Mario? What happened to him?”

“It’s a long story. If you come with us, though, we’ll have plenty of time to tell you about it.” Mario said.

“Why don’t you join up with us, too, Samus?” Link added.

Just as they were about to respond, Falco’s receiver suddenly went off. Surprised by it, as if he forgot he had it, he held his hand to his ear and answered.

“Falco here.” He said.

“It's about time you answered! We have a BIG problem up here!” Peppy said on the opposite end.

“Hey, we had problems of our own! Sorry I couldn’t be there to do everything for you!” Falco sarcastically apologized. “What’s wrong?”

“A big space dragon suddenly showed up and attacked us! He just came out of nowhere! We barely escaped with out ships still in one piece! We’re heading back to the Great Fox for repairs.” Slippy reported.

“A dragon… What kind of attacks did it have?” Samus wondered.

“First, he caught us from behind with a Meson Bomb. Then, he attacked us with an Ultrathermal Flamestrike Projector. We managed to tack on a tracking device, but I don’t know how long that’ll stay on him.” Slippy answered.

“Ridley…” Samus angrily whispered.

“Samus knows what attacked you. We'll meet you back at the Great Fox to make plans.” Falco said and closed the reception.

“There’s more Space Pirate guys like Kraid?” Link asked.

“Ridley is not like Kraid. He poses as a much greater threat. He has to be destroyed…” Samus stated.

“We’re with you all the way, baby.” Link assured her, holding Samus’s shoulder.

She shook her head in disagreement. “No. I’ve gotten you two too involved in my struggles. You should go back to your original quest.” Samus said.

“Nah! I can’t leave you now when I’m this involved! I’ma help you out until the end! I’m pretty sure even Mario wants to help you finish off the Space Pirates, right, Mario?” Link said, turning to Mario.

Against what Link believed, Mario shook his head. “She’s right, Link. We really should get back to what we have to do. It’s not just Luigi we have to save. Peach and Zelda are depending on us, too.” Mario reminded Link. “Samus can take care of herself. Besides, she won’t be alone. The Star Fox team will be ready and willing to help. Am I right, Falco?” He asked, turning to Falco.

“Not only are you right, you’re damn right!” Falco verified, holding up a fist of determination. “We’ll see you through to the end, Samus.”

“Alright, then. Let’s go save Luigi, Mario!” Link said, trying to sound cheerful. Inside, he really didn't want to leave Samus's side.

“I’m gonna make my way to the Great Fox. I’ll need my Arwing in top shape if we’re gonna take on Ridley. After you drop these guys off wherever they need to be, contact me. I’ll give you directions to the Great Fox. We’ll plan our strategies there. You can also get your arm checked out.” Falco explained.

“Understood. I’ll see you soon, Falco.” Samus said.

Mario and Link simply waved goodbye to Falco as he boarded his Arwing and jetted into the deep reaches of space, jetting toward the Great Fox. Samus, Mario, and Link made their way to the starship and blasted off, using the limitless knowledge of the Chozo to find their way toward the Green Hill Zone.

[13usta]

must reeeead.....but also must sleeeeep

[Lillymon]

Public interest seems to be dwindling...Don't say that! I've been reading since this topic started! I just didn't get around to saying anything before now...

[Flintloq]

I read the entire thing on fanfiction.net like the first day you posted it here :D

Sure it took a few ...or 15 hours, but it's a great story

[h2orowe]

one of these days....
one of these days...
I'll get around to reading it!

[Idlethought]

hey um...hes updated several chapters after this one, hes just been too lazy to post em

[Tenlaius]

funny...you put yourself in and you made gano threaten uyou...funny

[sakana]

Ive been really busy the last few weeks but I've finally had a chance to catch up. Keep it up!

[ZeekeXIV]

Here we go again. Another update that's not on a Thursday.
_______________

Act 7: Long Time, No See (Part 5)

In no time at all, the three made it to Sonic’s home planet of Moblius, setting their landing site to the Green Hilll Zone. Once they touched down, the three were almost amazed by the complete contrast in atmosphere. While everything on Zebes seemed dull, dank, and lonely, Green Hill Zone felt overwhelmingly happier and more hopeful. The sun was shining bright, the skies were blue, animals were playing… It was an all-around friendly and inviting environment.

“It’s hard to believe your brother was killed here, of all places.” Samus admitted. She had earlier powered-down her Varia suit and dressed in a tight-fitting, dark-blue flight suit with her hair tied back into a pony-tail.

“I know.” Mario agreed.

There was a brief pause. Mario knew this could quite possibly be the last time he’d see Samus before the next Smash tournament. After all they’ve been through together, it was a bit hard for him to think of saying farewell.

“Well… I guess this is it. You have no idea how grateful I am for you bringing us here, Samus.”

“Think nothing of it.” Samus said. “After everything you two have done for me, I couldn’t even consider not assisting you.”

Mario warmly smiled. “Thanks for everything. Hey, next tournament, bring your A-game.”

“So you noticed I was slacking last time… I won’t disappoint, this time around. I refuse to lose to Link in the semi-finals again.” Samus said, turning to Link and giving him a competitive grin.

Link only replied with a weak smile, then turned around to gaze out of the windshield. Neither Mario nor Samus had to ask; they already knew what was troubling him.

“I think I should leave you two alone.” Mario concluded, finding his way out of the ship’s cockpit.

Samus moved her hand to Link’s back, rubbing it, consolingly. A meaningful smile crept onto Link’s face as he turned around to face her, slowly wrapping his arms around her waist. They gazed into each other’s eyes, losing themselves in each other’s bright blue pools of emotion.

“Link…” Samus began, but immediately found his finger over her lips.

His eyes slowly wandered from her eyes down to her lips; those sweet, soft-looking lips he had fantasized about kissing for so long… His hand found its way up to Samus’s cheek, caressing it softly as Link slowly bought his face closer and closer to Samus’s. He was about to act out one of his greatest fantasies.

Refusing to be kept waiting, Samus pulled in Link the rest of the way, locking him in a deeply intimate kiss. For that passionate moment, Link cared about nothing else. All he wanted to do was stay there with Samus in his arms for all eternity, just like that. Unfortunately, all good things have to come to an end. After sharing their deep sentiments for each other, Link embraced her one last time, holding her tightly in his arms and kissing her on the cheek. There were things they actually wanted to say to each other, but after the love they just shared, words just seemed too weak to properly convey what they felt.

Finally breaking their loving embrace, Samus and Link exited the cockpit, making their way to the starship’s exit, with Mario following. Mario and Link boarded the elevator, taking one last look at Samus’s bittersweet visage trying to keep up a smile as it lifted them out of her starship.

They were finally greeted by the comfortably warm air of the Green Hill Zone. They hopped off of Samus’s ship and turned back to watch it fly up into the sky.

“And then… there were two.” Mario said, viewing the ship pick up speed and disappear as a twinkle in the clear, blue sky.

Link let out a deep sigh. “Let’s save your brother, Mario.” He said, wanting to quickly get back into his quest and preoccupy his mind. “Where’d he get murked?”

There may have been no warp-pipe to serve as a land mark, but Mario knew the way as if it was a calling. They quickly made it to the scene of the crime. So many adorable animals were playing around the area, no one would ever believe that this was once the spot of a brutal killing.

“You sure this is it?” Link asked, making sure.

“I’m positive. I’d never forget this place.” Mario assured him.

“Alright.” Link pulled out the fabled Ocarina of Time and put it to his mouth. “OH!” He suddenly remembered something. “While I’m playing the Song of Time, hold me.”

“…hold you?” Mario made a slight grimace. They way Link said it, he sounded like he wanted to slow-dance.

“Yeah. If you wanna come back in time with me, you’re gonna have to. Otherwise, you’ll just be standing here, wonderin’ where the hell I went.”

“Oh…” Mario understood, grabbing hold of Link’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you just say so? I thought you wanted dance with me, or something.”

“Nah…” Link shook his head. “We’ll do that to the Minuet of Forest.”

“Just play your flute.” Mario said.

“It’s an ocarina, man… Get it right!” Link said, finally playing the mystic notes that created the Song of Time.

Immediately, the entire environment became distorted, blurring out into blackness. Obviously used to the effects, Link continued to play his instrument. Mario, on the other hand, was beginning to find it difficult to stay conscious. His vision began to darken. His head began to throb. He started feeling woozy, fighting to keep a firm hold on Link's shoulder. He didn’t even want to think about what would happen to him if he let go… As hard as he fought, Mario just couldn’t fight it, fainting just before a world blurred back into focus.

A few seconds later…

“Mario…?” A voice was heard calling his name.

He stirred, partially opening his eyes, but quickly closing them shut when the blazing sunlight poured into his sensitive pupils. That didn’t help his still-pounding headache in the least bit.

“Mario, man… you okay?” He recognized Link’s voice of concern.

“Uunnngh… My brain feels like it’s about to explode…” He complained.

“Yeah… sorry about that.” Link apologized. “I guess I’m used to time-travel. I didn’t think it’d affect you like that.”

“It’s alright. I’ll live.” Mario assured him.

“You… still might wanna get yourself checked out, though… You look kinda funny…” Link hesitantly admitted.

“Huh?” Mario’s heart skipped a beat. “What are you--” Mario began rubbing his eyes, but stopped immediately after realizing that his eyes felt… different.

Mario finally opened his eyes, letting them adapt to the bright environment. The first thing he saw was Link, but not the way he remembered him.

“OH!!” Mario gasped, hastily jumping to his feet. “What the hell happened?!”

It seemed as if everything lost a lot of detail, as well as an entire dimension, since the last time he had his eyes opened. There was no easy way to describe how the Green Hill Zone now looked. To put it as simply as possible, Green Hill Zone had somehow reverted to its 16-bit graphics form, while Link (and even himself, Mario presumed) had attained their 8-bit designs.

“Link…” Mario started, his 8-bit heard pounding rapidly from the shock. “You went way too far back in time…”

“…whoops…” Link muttered. “My fault… Time flows differently, here. I still need to get a feel for it. I catch on quick, though. We’ll get it right, this time.”

“I hope so…” Mario said, gripping Link’s pixilated shoulder.

Playing the Song of Time in all its dot matrix stereo glory, the environment once again blurred into obscurity, beginning the time-traveling process anew. Mario once again felt the wooziness, but was able to stay conscious this time around, actually able to watch the world fade back into reality.

It seemed Link wasn’t lying about his ability as a quick-learner. Not only were they, as well as the world, the way Mario remembered them, but he caught a glimpse of the infamous warp he and Luigi first arrived in. And standing right in front of the warp-pipe was none other than his little brother staring up into the sky; a stunned and horrified expression engraved in his face.

“No!” Mario shouted, knowing exactly why Luigi’s expression was so terrified. “We’re won’t make it in time!”

“The hell we won’t!” Link begged to differ, darting at the helpless Luigi, in a race to reach him before the murderous Super Sonic did.

Mario’s legs felt like lead. He couldn’t even comprehend moving toward his brother in need. All he could do was watch as Link and Sonic inched closer to his prone sibling.

As Link ran, he caught a glimpse of Sonic swooping down, preparing for nothing else other than vicious decapitation. Link knew he wouldn’t be able to make it in time unless he gave himself an advantage. Reaching behind him, Link whipped out his bow and armed it with an ice arrow. If I shoot him hard enough, Sonic will fly off course in a frozen block of ice, Link determined. Skidding to a stop with his bow in shooting position, Link prepared to let the arrow off in Sonic’s path of flight. Unfortunately for Link, he was completely unaware of the hidden rock lying right in the path of his skidding trajectory. Right when he was about to shoot…

“AHH!!” Link’s foot crashed right into the rock, causing him to trip, nastily, and tumble on the ground.

“Oh my god!! NOOOOOOO!!!”

That was all that was heard from Luigi before his screams were silenced by Sonic plowing straight through his head. Wishing he didn’t watch that, Link covered his face, uttering a sickened and disappointed groan.

Mario, on the other hand, was left in shock. This was the first time he actually witnessed Luigi being killed. Those feelings of sadness and self-pity resurfaced briefly as Mario watched himself emerge from the warp-pipe and deal with the loss of his brother.

Link finally rose to his feet, taking one last look at the grieving Mario of the past mourn the loss of his only brother, angry with himself for failing to save Luigi for such a clumsy reason. He slowly walked back to where his partner was standing.

“I was right there, Mario. RIGHT THERE!!” Link shouted. “And a f**kin’ rock screwed up everythin’! I coulda saved him if that damn rock wasn’t there! I know it! DAMN IT!!”

“Link, take it easy. No one’s blaming you. History just repeated itself, that’s all.” Mario said, trying to calm his companion down.

Inexplicably, Link wielded his Megaton Hammer with fire in his eyes.

“Where’s that godamn rock? I’m takin’ it out.” Link threatened.

“Don’t waste your time.” Mario held back. “You’re acting like the rock did it on purpose. Think about that for a minute. The thing’s not even alive.”

Breathing out deeply, Link finally calmed down. “Okay… I’ll handle it later, then. We can still save Luigi. Grab on; I’m goin’ back in time again.”

Mario listened to Link, taking hold of his shoulder, once again, while Link played the Song of Time. Unbeknownst to them, a very mischievous and very pleased rock evilly chuckled to itself.

“Mwa ha ha… No one ever suspects the inanimate rock.” The rock indiscreetly laughed, rolling away into a tall patch of grass.

This time, when Mario and Link arrived in the past, once again, they were greeted by the words of a very banal theme song.

...too fast for the naked eye!
Sonic the Hedgehog!
Sonic!
He can really move!
Sonic...

“What the hell are we listenin’ to?” Link groaned with an irritated grimace.

“It’s the corniest song you’ll ever hear. That’s all you need to know.” Mario simply said. “The only good thing about this is that I know we’re early.”

“Great. I know you don’t wanna repeat what happened earlier, so let’s think of somethin’.” Link suggested.

Before they could even lay down a plan of action, a new portal to what seemed to be another dimension opened up, with three new group of three hopping out.

One seemed to be a normal teenage boy donning a turquoise karate gi, with a white bandana wrapped around his spiky red-orange hair.

One was dressed in a medieval cape, wearing a breastplate over his white shirt, and trousers. The thing that made him stand out, immediately, though was that he a human-sized frog!

Although the last character seemed human, judging from his long white hair, pale human skin, and glowing red cape, he seemed mystically powerful. The powerful aura surrounding him definitely didn’t deter from that assumption, either.

“Where couldst we have ended up?” The frog asked.

“It looks as though we’ve traveled too far into the future, but no further than 2300AD. This place hasn't felt the wrath of Lavos, yet.” The mystic said.

The spiky-headed teen simply nodded.

“Who are you guys?” Link spoke up, slightly wary of this new group of people.

“And what’s all this about 2300AD and ‘Lavos’?” Mario added.

“I am beknownst across the land as simply Frog.” Frog answered.

“I am Magus. That is Crono.” Magus said, looking toward the spiky-headed kid.

“Can't he talk?” Mario asked.

“He hath heldeth his tongue for the entire journey. I believe him to be a silent protagonist.” Frog explained.

“A journey, huh? What are you guys doin’?” Link asked.

“There are actually seven of us; the other four are waiting at The End of Time. We all met by fate under different circumstances during different time periods. Although we are all from different eras, our ultimate goal is the same: we must defeat Lavos before he sends our world into an inescapable apocalypse.” Magus answered.

“Ah…” Mario nodded.

“That kinda sounds like me and Mario, but we don't really have any apocalypses to worry about. Fate hooked us up, too; puttin’ us together so we can save our princesses, Zelda and Peach. But before we handle that, we were right in the middle of somethin’ else.” Link explained.

“Alloweth me to make a scholarly conjecture. Wouldst thou be attempting to rescue your dear brother from certain doom?” Frog asked, first looking to Mario, then gazing past the two, seeing inevitability on the horizon.

Mario and Link just looked to each other, astounded by Frog’s accurate guesswork.

“Yes…” Mario eventually responded.

“I foresee his unfortunate decapitation by a golden hedgehog.” Magus added, also seeing certain doom for Mario’s green-attired sibling.

“Are you people psychics? How do you know all this? We have to save my brother before that happens!” Mario said, urgently, not noticing that they were watching Luigi about to get decapitated.

“We’re far from clairvoyant, but we’re sorry to say that it’s too late for him.” Magus stated.

“How do you--” Link began, but was immediately interrupted by Luigi’s terrified scream.

“Oh my god!! NOOOOOOO!!!” He shouted, immediately with the sound of his decapitation following afterward.

Everyone watching could only turn their heads away ask Luigi’s head was once again violently claimed by an overpowered Super Sonic.

“…tough luck…” Crono muttered.

Mario was shocked by Crono’s decision to finally share his first words. First, he and his team suddenly appeared right as Mario and Link were about to develop their plans to save his brother. Then, instead of allowing them to jump in to stop Luigi’s death, they’d rather give them the play-by-play of what was happening. And finally, just to put the icing on the proverbial grim cake, Crono finally opens his mouth to mutter “tough luck”, as if nothing could be done from the start.

Mario hadn’t felt a rage like what he was feeling since he was personally pitted against Sonic. His blood boiled in his veins as he glared at his new teenage opponent.

“You finally open your mouth just to utter ‘tough luck’? I’ll show you tough luck!!” Mario raged on, charging at Crono with his hands a-blazing.

Unfortunately for Mario, Crono was a very powerful warrior despite what his teenage appearance suggested. Crono very slowly floated into the air as he shined an electric yellow. Mario skidded to an intimidated stop while Frog, Link, and Magus backed away, knowing no good could come from this. Suddenly, Crono released an overwhelming blast of pure electric energy which consumed Mario, completely, leaving him in a smoldering, unconscious mess on the ground.

“…wow…” Link muttered, bewildered by Crono’s unlikely power.

Magus then noticed the royal blue ocarina in Link’s hand.

“What is that instrument in your hand?” Magus inquired.

Link quickly looked down to his left hand. “This is the Ocarina of Time.”

“A time-traveling device?” Frog wondered.

Link simply nodded. “I use it all the time.”

“I see…” Magus nodded, a very subtle hint of disappointment was heard in his voice. “I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but it is imperative that you understand the risks of fondling the fabrics of time. A legend being told from generation to generation is prone to change as the story is constantly retold. As with a legend, a scene in time being replayed, frequently, will be at risk of changing in ways you cannot even begin to fathom.” Magus warned.

“Whatever you say.” Link arrogantly said, not taking Magus’s words seriously. “Just so you know; I'm the Hero of Time.” His intrepid fanfare blared throughout the environment. “I think I know the risks of runnin’ though time over and over again.”

“Very well, but you’ve been warned…” Magus said, motioning Crono to open the dimensional rip once again with his time-traveling device, the Gate Key.

“Fare thee well!” Frog said as his group, including himself, jumped into the time portal.

“I guess we should get movin’, too.” Link suggested to himself, hoisting an unconscious Mario onto his shoulders and singing the Song of Time on his trusted ocarina.

After traveling through time for the fourth time, Link and a newly awakened Mario found themselves watching the fierce battle between Sonic and Mario’s past-self.

“Good. We’re still early. There’s no way we can screw this up, this time.” Mario asserted.

“Third time’s a charm.” Link stated. “What’s the deal?”

“I would just run in there and keep Luigi from ever finding himself in that position, but you and your past-self aren’t supposed to interact, and I don’t know how I’d handle seeing myself steal away my only brother.” Mario speculated. “We’ll wait until I get turned into ball, then we’ll snatch Luigi. Sonic won’t be looking for revenge if Luigi never landed that Super Jump Punch.”

“…but what’ll happen to you?” Link wondered.

“Oh yeah… Chao Kindergarten…” Mario remembered. “Okay… we’ll have to wait for Luigi to land that Fire Punch, then. But as soon as that happens…” He emphasized. “…we need to grab Luigi and jump down that warp-pipe. That’s the same pipe that took me to Hyrule.”

“Nah…” Link shook his head. “Too many things can go wrong with that plan. One I see right off the bat is you might not turn back to normal because things we might’ve changed a crucial element just by bein’ here. If we stand back and watch everythin’ go down like they were supposed to, though, we’ll be better off.”

“But when I turn back no normal, Luigi immediately starts talking to me.” Mario let out a sigh of frustration. “Urrrgh… The only chance we have left is to wait until I jump into the warp-pipe without Luigi.”

“That’s… no good, either…” Link slowly muttered.

Mario was obviously getting upset with every plan he came up with getting shot down time after time.

“You’ll already be in the warp-pipe, right? So how are we gonna get back to Hyrule without passing you in there?” Link continued with an explanation.

“Then why don’t we just wait a while until we’re sure I’m out of the picture?” Mario suggested through gritted teeth.

“I don’t think that’s gonna happen. You were travelin’ with Luigi, so you’re gonna wonder what’s takin’ him so long to follow you into the warp-pipe and you’ll come back up to check things out.” Link pointed out. “Besides, Sonic’s gonna be out for blood and he might consider us. I definitely don’t wanna deal with him.”

“Then how about this…” Mario started. “We’ll keep Luigi with us and wait until I come back out of the warp-pipe to check on him. When I come out, we’ll jump in. Simple.”

“Nope.” Link simply stated, shaking his head.

“DAMN IT!!” Mario was losing his mind. “WHY NOT?!!”

“You said the warp-pipe disappeared after you backflipped into it, right? What if the same thing happens when we jump in?” Link asked. “You’ll be stuck in the Green Hill Zone with a pissed-off Super Sonic. I know you’re strong and all that, but you already lost once to normal Sonic. I don’t think you’ll do good against Super Sonic, man…”

“HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO SAVE MY BROTHER?!!” Mario screamed in pure, frustrated rage. “Every possible thing I can think of won’t work!”

“That’s true, but I didn’t let my brain gears spin, yet.” Link reminded his aggravated companion. “Don’t forget who I am. I’m supposed to think of every good and bad scenario. Now that we murked the bad ones, we can think of the good stuff.”

“So what’s your plan, then?” Mario eagerly wondered.

“I actually don’t have one, yet…” Link admitted. Mario’s eyes went wide with uncontrollable fury. “I’ll definitely think of something before Luigi gets killed again, though!” He hastily promised, trying to keep Mario from killing him.

But with four terrified words sent screaming through the air, Link knew it was a promise he wouldn’t be able to keep.

“Oh my god!! NOOOOOOO!!!” Luigi’s pre-decapitation phrase sounded off seconds before he literally lost his head for the third time that day.

Link could only bury his face in his hands, refusing to even look at Mario’s face. He knew there was a look of sheer discontent just waiting to burn its image in his brain.

“Link…” Mario called to his disheartened Hylian counterpart.

Link still couldn’t bring himself to look at Mario after letting him down, once again. It was his idea for them to come back here and play the Song of Time. After all the pain, heartache, and toil they went through to finally make it here, Link felt worthless to continuously fail at attempting to save Mario’s brother from an untimely death.

“Link, look at me for a sec.” Mario said, patting Link’s hand with the back of his.

Hesitantly, Link lowered his hands from his eyes, making out a face on Mario that seemed far from disappointment or discouragement.

“It’s probably better that you saw the flaws in all my plans instead of going along with them.” Mario admitted. “We’d end up having to worry about what’d happen to me instead of my brother. Let’s dry those eyes and try this again.” He suggested, noticing Link’s glossy eyes.

“I don’t cry, Mario.” Link reminded him, quickly turning around and wiping his eyes dry.

“Those tears I saw are sending a different message. It’s alright to admit it, Link.” Mario said.

“Yeah, whatever. I know what cryin’ is, and that’s somethin’ I just don’t do.” Link stubbornly asserted.

“If you say so.” Mario sighed, knowing the truth all too well.

With Mario grabbing Link’s shoulder once more, he played the mystic melody known as the Song of Time, though not as upbeat as he did, before. Both of them had to admit: after hearing the same song over and over again, they were getting pretty tired of it.

With the arrival of the duo in the familiar scene, they found Luigi in front of the warp-pipe once again, helpless to even defend himself. Both of them knew exactly what was going to happen next…

“Oh my god!! NOOOOOOO!!!” Luigi screamed, subsequently having his head cleared off his shoulders yet again by Super Sonic.

“Wow… We didn’t even get a chance to move.” Mario muttered.

“Something’s different…” Link noticed, not even reacting to the grisly scene just replayed for the fifth time.

“What?” Mario wondered, trying to figure out what Link was thinking.

Link watched Super Sonic gain altitude after he committed the deed. His rise wasn’t as fast as it usually was, but not because he was voluntarily moving slower than he was used to. It seemed as if he was moving that slowly because of a restrictive flow of time…

“Damnit…” Link muttered to himself. “I played the song too slow. We may be able to move normally, time’s moving at half its speed.”

“I don’t think that’s the only thing wrong.” Mario pointed to a two-tailed fox named Miles Prowler, or simply Tails, cheering on the violent efforts of Super Sonic as he reverted back to his normal self.

“Yeah, Sonic! You sure showed that green guy who’s boss!” Even though time was moving at a slower rate, Tails still managed speak remarkably fast. “Now, we can race again! And pick flowers, and sing songs, and save the world, and this, and that, and blah blah blah blah--”

“SHUT UP, YOU ANNOYING LITTLE KID!!” Sonic boomed, simultaneously throwing a devastating back-handed blow to the head of Tails as he attained his Super form, once again.

Mario and Link could only flinch at how vicious the hit was. They actually felt sorry for the kid. Even if he was overly annoying, that needless attack was undeserved.

“That was messed up…” Link admitted, appalled by what he just saw.

“Let’s get out of here.” Mario suggested, grabbing Link’s shoulder.

Suddenly, for the first time in any reality they traveled to, Super Sonic looked in their direction; his icy-blue eyes frozen upon what he thought to be his latest casualties.

“Oh my…” Mario could only stammer. “Link… He’s looking right at us…”

The shocked duo watched as Sonic gradually levitated higher and higher into the sky. Then, he began his threatening decent toward them, sending their hearts plummeting to their feet. The flow of time didn’t seem to apply to Sonic as he came down faster than what should’ve been possible.

“PLAY THE SONG!! PLAY IT FAST!!” Mario frenetically shouted, involuntarily tightening his hold on Link’s shoulder.

Literally heeding his partner’s words, Link blazed through the notes of the Song of Time, throwing themselves out of that hostile reality just before Sonic was within a body’s length of them. Once they arrived in their new location, they found Mario and Luigi just exiting the warp-pipe and surveying their surroundings.

“This is the earliest we’ve been. There’s no way we can mess this up.” Mario believed, looking from Link, back to his past self.

He was left with a visage of bewilderment as he found his past counterpart already fighting with Sonic, and at a surprisingly rapid rate.

“Link!” Mario could only shout; his shock temporarily robbing him of the ability to form complete thoughts.

“DAMNIT!!” Link shouted at himself, nearly pulling his hair under his hat out in anger. “I played to song too damn fast!”

All they had to do was look in Luigi’s general direction to realize it was too late, yet again.

“Oh my god!! N--” Luigi wasn’t even able to finish his shouts of horror as he was unexpectedly blindsided from behind, and losing the entire right-side of his head before Sonic swooped down to claim what was left.

Mario and Link’s respective breath was lost when they saw their predicament in this reality. Not only did they have Sonic in his super-form to deal with, but he now had an equally powerful companion: Shadow the Hedgehog, also in his platinum-blonde super-form. And just to remind them how utterly high the odds were stacked against them, time was flowing four times faster than normal.

Before either of them could even blink, they were suddenly roughly grabbed by the arm and pulled into flight with the super hedgehog duo. They looked as if they were going to take them right into space!

“LINK!!” Mario screamed out, stretching his arm out in an attempt to somehow grab on to Link.

Perhaps the only good thing they had going for them at the moment: Sonic and Shadow flew side-by-side, making it easy for either Mario or Link to grab onto one another. Stretching out his leg for Mario to latch on to, Link began putting his tightly-gripped ocarina to his mouth, praying that Mario would grab on before he began playing. Just as Link sounded off the first note, Mario managed to get a sub-decent hold on rim of Link’s boot. That was all that was needed for both of them to escape the clutches of Sonic and Shadow, mere seconds from exiting the planet’s atmosphere.

Mario and Link landed clumsily in yet another variation of the Green Hill Zone reality, catching Luigi in the all-too-foreboding position of standing in front of that infamous yellow warp-pipe.

“I’m not letting this happen again!” Mario jumped up and broke out into a full sprint toward his brother.

“NO, WAIT!!” Link shouted, barely able to even rise to his feet before Mario was already within diving distance of Luigi.

Luigi was frozen in terror, wanting so badly to attempt to dive to the floor but couldn’t even move. Finally, he was able to bend his knees, but he realized it would be too late.

“Oh my g--” Luigi only got out those two words before he was blindsided from his right, rolling along with another body before he could realize what was going on, leaving Sonic to swoop through nothing but clear space and begin his ascent back into the air to reformulate his plans.

Finally, when his rolling came to a stop, Luigi felt another person on top of him. The sudden tackle knocked his vision into a blur, but the figure coming into focus before his eyes left him in shock.

“Mario?!” Luigi gasped, as if he couldn’t believe it.

“Mario! What the hell?!” Link shouted, running up to a floored Mario who was just rising to his feet.

“Link…?” Luigi gasped once again, his heart pumping hard from the triple shock from the attempt on his life, and the sudden appearance of his brother and Link.

“I saw Luigi die too many times, today, Link. You heard me say it earlier: I was not about to let it happen again.” Mario repeated from earlier.

“…I… died?” Luigi was barely able to utter, gripped in utter awe.

“You died five times.” Mario said, holding up all five fingers on his hand. “And it would’ve been number six if I didn’t do something about it.”

Luigi just stayed silent, letting Mario’s words sink in.

“What are we gonna do when you come back to check on your brother?” Link asked with an upset tone.

Just before Mario could give an answer, an evil laughter perked up their ears, turning their attentions to the source. Someone else, other than Sonic, was also flying in the air above them, assisted by some type of hovering pod. His most obvious feature was his bushy mustache, which stuck out about three inches of either side of his cheeks.

“Mwa ha ha! With my latest creation, there will never be another intruder in the Green Hill Zone again!”

It was none other than Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik. The aircraft he was flying in had a long arm on the bottom of it, complete with a five-fingered hand. The hand of the craft was also carrying a cork, and with that cork, Eggman sealed the entrance of the warp-pipe closed, making it impossible for anyone or anything to exit or enter through there. Needless to say, Mario and Link no longer had to worry about Mario’s past-self coming to check on Luigi.

“That's your latest creation, Buttnik? And you wonder why I always beat you…” Sonic said, rolling his eyes.

“Shut up, you fool, and destroy the intruders!” Eggman spat out in an order.

“Damnit… That Magus-guy was right…” Link muttered.

“What do you mean?” Mario wondered.

“He said us constantly runnin’ through time would mess things up like crazy. I didn’t think it’d be that bad.” Link said.

“If Sonic and Eggman are working together, then you screwed up real bad. They’re supposed to be enemies like me and Bowser!” Mario said.

Just then, Super Sonic slowly levitated near the captivated trio. They backed up until their path was obstructed by the blocked-off warp-pipe. Mario and Link looked to each other, hoping one of them would suddenly come up with a miraculous plan of escape. Luigi, on the other hand, had a fearless glare fixated on the golden hedgehog. Sonic returned an equally intimidating look, his eyes flashing a cold blue as he bore a hole through Luigi’s face.

Mario and Link, along with Robotnik, all took notice, feeling almost paralyzed by the intensity of Luigi and Sonic’s staring contest. If looks truly could kill, this story would be at its end because the protagonists of this grand tale would have suffered a horrible and unexpected death.

Fortunately, for the author of this narrative, Mario and Link still lived on. Mario neared his intense sibling, wondering what he could possibly be thinking about at the moment. Whatever it was, he didn’t like it at all.

“Luigi, you’re scaring me.” Mario said to his brother. “You look like you’re going to do something completely crazy.”

“It’s not crazy if I have no way of losing.” Luigi confidently stated, turning to look right into his concerned brother’s face.

Below his field of vision, Mario noticed a sudden bright shine coming from where Luigi’s hands would be. As he looked down, all of his doubts and uncertainties were washed away, leaving him with new feeling of hope and confidence and a smile. Luigi had, in his hands, the ultimate weapon of the Mushroom Kingdom: the Invincibility Star.

Even Link was in awe as he immediately recognized the fabled item, watching Luigi hold it to his chest so it could take effect. And took effect, it did, suddenly blessing him a pair of overalls that frequently switched between all colors of the rainbow, as well as giving him the trademark, unforgettable invincibility theme.

The Invincibility Star’s power truly was well-known, as even Sonic, in his super-form, lost his cold and fearless demeanor once he heard the star’s music. He slowly glided backwards, knowing far too well that he was outclassed in every single way.

“Sonic, what are you doing? Get back over there and take care of him!” Eggman demanded, sorely overestimating Super Sonic’s power in comparison to an invincible Luigi.

“No way, Eggman! I may be super, but he’s invincible! You can take care of him, yourself!” And with that, Sonic bolted away, miles out of sight in mere seconds.

…but that wasn’t far enough to escape the wrath of Luigi. With a deep breath, he suddenly exploded into trail of sparkling star dust, jetting straight ahead of Sonic’s flight path and halting right in front of him, acting like a stone wall blocking the passage to not only Sonic’s escape, but also the rest of his life.

“Nnn-no way! NO WAY!!” Sonic yelled repeatedly in sheer astonishment. “You can’t be faster than me! I’m the fastest thing on two legs!”

Luigi simply replied with a snapping karate chop to Sonic’s head, literally knocking the power out of him as he fell to the ground, reverting back to his original, blue self. Sonic gripped his head in throbbing pain after he landed, but his hands slowly slipped away from his face as he saw Luigi gathering a massive amount of energy in his hands. Then, he touched his wrists together with his palms facing outward. They sparkled brilliantly as Luigi slowly chanted the name of his attack.

“Kaaaa-meeee-haaaa…” He slowly sounded out; the power in his hands taking the shape of a bright, golden orb.

Sonic’s breathing rate involuntarily quickened to a pace beyond hyperventilation. It was funny how Sonic was once the one being feared; leaving his opponents to think of nothing else but how painfully their life would come to an end. Now finding himself in nearly the same exact position Luigi was once in, he could think about how unforgivably ironic life could be.

“…meeee-HAAAA!!!” With that final shout, Luigi forced all the energy he built up out of his hands into an almighty and unstoppable beam with no other purpose than to destroy Sonic in the most painful way possible.

“HHHHHUUUUUAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!” Sonic’s shouts were quickly consumed by the beam’s power, leaving behind an enormous dome of blinding light and a deafening explosion that would put any supernova to shame.

Once the light finally faded into obscurity and the smoke cleared the area, nothing was left but a smoking crater. Nothing was left but a smoking crater. There wasn’t even a trace of Sonic to be found. He had been wiped off the face of Moblius.

Mario, Link, and Eggman, viewing all the previous events from a safe distance, were left speechless. Even Mario had no idea the Invincibility Star could provide that much power.

Returning to the stunned trio as suddenly as he left, Luigi reverted to his old self. Even though he wasn’t nearly as intimidating as he was, just seconds ago, he left a lasting impression on Eggman; able to defeat one of his greatest enemies in one swift blow where he failed time after time, contraption after contraption.

Suddenly snapping out of his confounded mind-frame, Dr. Robotnik began formulating a plan to escape before the other three could remember he was their enemy. He thought about this a little too late, though, for Mario and Link not only snapped out of their awestricken state, but they were staring right at him, along with Luigi. Eggman could easily read the cruel intentions in their eyes. Despite his incredibly low chances of escaping successfully, Eggman about-faced and bulleted away from the threatening trio.

“Should we get him?” Luigi wondered.

“…let him go.” Mario determined, looking to his brother.

Suddenly, a powerful wave of relief swept over him. Finally… Finally, he had succeeded in what he set out to do: he risked more than just his life to return to the Green Hill Zone, and saved Luigi, against all odds. He pulled in his brother and held him in a tight, affectionate hug, overflowing with brotherly love. Although he was happy to see his brother showing so much love, he still found it awkward. This wasn’t like the Mario of the night before at all…

“Yeah… Long time no see, Mario… I’m glad to see you, too…” Luigi unsurely said.

“Not as glad as me.” Mario assured him, still holding on to him.

Luigi let out his first laugh in a while as he finally returned Mario’s embrace. Link could only look on, admittedly feeling left out.

“…yeah, don’t worry about me.” Link said, speaking to no one in particular, but loud enough to be heard. “All I did was help Mario go back in time so savin’ Luigi was actually possible. I don’t need no love. It’s all good.”

With a smile, the brother’s raised an arm, opening a spot for Link in their circle. Link put a warm arm around both of the Mario brothers. They just stood with each other for a while.

“Alright, guys, I’m all hugged out.” Luigi said.

The three of them finally relinquished their holds on each other.

“So what’s the plan of action, now?” Luigi wondered.

“We gotta find a way back to Hyrule.” Link answered. “Mario said that warp-pipe was woulda taken us there in a heartbeat.”

“We’re going to Hyrule because that’s where Peach and Bowser is.” Mario said to Luigi. “They’re both at Ganondorf’s Castle.”

“I know.” Luigi stated.

“Alright. Any leads on where to get started?” Mario inquired, looking at both Luigi and Link.

He noticed something wrong with the way Link was looking, though. All he was doing was staring at Luigi with his jaw dropped, completely dumbfounded.

“What’s wrong, Link?” Mario asked, confused as to why Link seemed so stunned.

Luigi turned to Link, noticing him staring. “…there’s something on my face, isn’t there?”

“Mario… you didn’t catch what Luigi just said?” Link questioned.

“He didn’t say anything crazy. He just answered my question.” Mario shrugged, failing to see where the problem lied.

But then it suddenly hit him like a speeding car. Luigi knew that Peach and Bowser were at Ganondorf’s castle. Mario saw a huge problem with this fact, being that Luigi was clinically deceased when Mario found out this information. Even further, he’d technically be finding this out in the future, so even his past-self wouldn’t know this, yet. None of this was making sense to Mario.

Mario stared at Luigi with a face just as appalled as Link’s once was. Luigi just looked back at him as if he didn’t say anything out of the ordinary.

“How…” Mario couldn’t get over enough of the shock to complete his question. That’s all Luigi needed to hear in order to give an answer, though.

“Oh… I wasn’t supposed to know that…” Luigi suddenly remembered, lightly knocking on his head as if to punish himself.

“How the hell do you know that?” Link demanded. “That shouldn’t be possible.”

“It’s complicated.” Luigi started. “You guys want the long version or the short version?”

“Tell us everythin’ you know.” Link replied.

“…it’ll take over a hundred years to explain all that…” Luigi muttered, leaving Link in a mind-blown state once again, while Mario’s expression somehow grew even more outraged. “…there’s no time-flow in Heaven, so I that’s how I was able to sit through everything.”

There was dumbfounded silence in response.

“I guess I’ll tell the short version.” Luigi decided. “Basically, I know I died, and I know just about everything that went on with you two between then and now. When you grabbed my past-self and told me I died, you basically bought me back to life. That let me come down and take over.”

“Okay…” Link finally managed to say after his long silence. “I think can deal with that.”

“I can’t.” Mario said, breaking his silence, as well. “We traveled back to when you were alive. How can you know you died when you never did? Even though we told you, you should still be refusing to believe us, not explaining how you know you died!”

“This is why there’s a long version of what I just told you.” Luigi sighed. “You need to know a bit of supernatural quantum mechanics. I’m in a superposition of living and not living. Eehhh… everything just gets weirder from there.”

“What… the… hell…” Mario stammered in deep befuddlement. “You know what? I don’t want to know anymore. I’m just happy to have you back, even if you are some new breed of zombie or something.”

Luigi chuckled. “It feels great to be back. OH!!” He suddenly remembered something. “The guys up in Heaven gave me a going-away gift!” Luigi began searching his overall pockets. “By the way, Pit says he hopes to see you soon, Mario.”

“Not too soon…” Mario shook his head. There’s only one way he’d be seeing him, and Mario wasn’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon.

“Here it is!” Luigi happily announced, holding yet another invaluable item in his hands.

“I didn’t know you could play the flute, Luigi!” Link exclaimed, happy that he found another potential woodwind player. “We should hook up after this journey’s over, man. We could start a band!”

“Sorry, Link, but this isn’t a flute.” Luigi admitted, effectively wiping the smile off of Link’s face. “It’s better than a flute! This is a Warp Whistle!”

“YES!!” Mario exclaimed, letting his utter glee take over and performing backflip to display his happiness.

“It’s gotta be good if Mario’s jumpin’ around like that.” Link guessed. “What’s it do?”

“You’ll see.” Luigi held out, putting the whistle to his lips and playing the mystical notes.

The entire environment flashed white. Suddenly, a large whirlwind literally appeared from out of nowhere and swept up the three-man team, taking them high beyond the sky. Once the whirlwind dissipated, Luigi, Mario, and Link found themselves in a new dimension; a dimension riddled with warp-pipes as far as the eye could see.

“Wow…” Link uttered.

“I guess this is where my usefulness stops. I don’t even know what warp-pipe to jump in. They just told me if I ever need an escape route, use it.” Luigi recalled.

“Don’t worry about it. You were only with us for about half an hour and you’ve already done so much.” Mario said, warmly. “Guys… there’s a good chance that we won't end up in Hyrule. But wherever we do end up, I’m sure we'll be more than fine. We’ve all been through more hell than we’ve ever been through before, but we’re still going on strong! Not only will we make it back to Hyrule, we’re going to take Bowser and Ganondorf out, and we’re going to save Peach and Zelda no matter what the odds are!” Mario said, instilling his confident optimism on his two companions.

“Damn right, Mario! Nothin’s gonna stop us! I’m ready for damn-near anythin’!!” Link held up a fist of determination. “YEEEAAAHH!!!” He cried, performing a side-somersault into a randomly picked warp-pipe.

The Mario brothers blinked twice, stunned by Link’s spontaneity.

“I love how gung-ho Link is.” Luigi sarcastically said.

“You’ll get used to it the same way I did.” Mario assured him.

With those words, the two followed Link into the green warp-pipe he jumped in to. Seconds later, they jumped out of the other end, ready for anything their new environment could throw at them. Unfortunately, none of them were ready to fend for their lives so soon after arriving, for they immediately caught in the distance a stampeding hoard of machines violently attacking each other as if they were fighting for a position in the front. At the same time, these machines were speeding straight toward the terrified trio at speeds of at least 1100km/hr. Shock clasped their hearts as they could only wonder how they were going to get out of this one.
_______________

The end. ...of Act 7, that is.

See ya next week for Act 8.

[Dead Sexy Vocab]

More! More!

I just started reading this just yesterday! I even stayed up intil 4 to try and finish reading this Crazy fanfic!

KEEP IT UP, AND KEEP ON POSTING!

[Dead Sexy Vocab]

http://students.uat.edu/jameastb/images/mariusII.gif

Here's me (that black character) getting ready to take on The Super Friends.

I pilot that giant robot through a Nintendo Revolution Controller. :)

[Tenlaius]

p..pl..please update...need my fix
lol
but really..keep it up this is good. Now they will meet ol' Captain Falcon again.

[ZeekeXIV]

Oh snap... I completely forgot about the update... Thanks for reminding me, Tenalius.

So here it is.
___________
___________

Act 8: Getting Where You Need To Go Once Again (Part 1)

There’s a dilemma (this is the author speaking)…

The way Act 7 ended calls for a delayed entrance of the main characters. That means you won’t be seeing them until later on (much later on). Normally, Ganondorf and Bowser would entertain the masses with their uncanny antics. But Ganondorf has requested that he is not put into this act.

“Ya damn right!” Ganondorf shouted from nowhere.

“Hey, shut up down there!” I shouted back.

Now where was I? Oh yeah.

There’s no one else to write about! Just when I was about to put the guillotine to this story, I had a brilliant idea! Let’s check out what some of the other characters I introduced earlier are doing…

First up: Yoshi!
___________

Yoshi was back at home on Yoshi’s Island. He lived in an egg-shaped house. It looked exactly like the eggs he threw in SSBM: white with green spots. Even though there’s no place like home, Yoshi wished he was somewhere else. Why?

“CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY!!!” Baby Mario wailed on top of his lungs.

“You don’t deserve any freaking candy! You do nothing but raise hell! You’ll get candy when you start acting your age!” Yoshi scolded.

It’s been nine years since Yoshi rescued Baby Mario from Baby Bowser that fateful day. Since then, Yoshi had been baby-sitting Baby Mario. At first, it was all good. Baby Mario was so cute back then…

But now at the tender age of nine, Baby Mario still acts exactly like he did when he was two. The only difference is the attitude. Baby Mario was slowly becoming more bratty and more spoiled. Yoshi used to think this was just a stage in his life, but he’s been in this “stage” for five years! Baby Mario still wore a diaper, still drank out of a bottle, and still went number one and two on himself shamelessly… He was one bad kid…

With Baby Mario still screaming for candy and crying as loud as he could, Yoshi was ready to rip his hair out! Then he remembered he had no hair…

“ARGH! Why can’t you be more like your brother, huh? It’s almost impossible to believe you two are related. He’s in the Extraordinarily Gifted Children’s Program in Mushroom Kingdom Elementary. But you’re still here, still crying, and still acting like a baby! Again, I must ask… Why can’t you be more like you’re brother?” Yoshi asked as calmly as he could.

“BECAUSE I WANT CANDY!” Baby Mario screamed and continued his bawling.

“You can’t be serious… You’re not getting anything from me until I see a change in attitude! Cry and scream all you want as loud as you can. I’ll be sitting here, waiting to laugh myself to death when your tonsils explode.” Yoshi stated and sat down in his “thinking” couch.

Baby Mario suddenly got quiet. He looked at Yoshi with wide, innocent eyes. It was as if Yoshi finally got through to him! Yoshi couldn’t help but smile at the sudden silence he had gained.

“Wow, that’s all I had to do? All these years of trying to make you feel ashamed of yourself by comparing you to your brother have been wasted? All I had to do was tell you your tonsils were going to explode?” Yoshi wondered aloud.

Baby Mario cracked a smile and raised his arms, motioning that he wanted to be picked up. Yoshi was beaming at this point.

“Aren’t you the adorable little kid I used to know? I forgot how cute you used to be!” Yoshi said as he picked up Baby Mario.

“I go…” Baby Mario murmured.

“Hmmm?” Yoshi wondered.

“I go… I…” Baby Mario stuttered.

“Can it be? Can this be the breakthrough I’ve been waiting for? The breakthrough I’ve dreamed of? Does he finally want to grow up and go to school?” Yoshi thought to himself. “You go where?” Yoshi cooed, impatiently waiting for an answer.

“I… go…” Baby Mario stammered. He screwed up his face like it was hard to say.

“You can say it! Come on! You go…” Yoshi said excitedly.

He then caught a sudden whiff of a powerful odor. With his incredible olfactory senses, the scent was amplified tenfold. Yoshi almost gagged, holding back the need for regurgitation. He also realized that the smell was coming from close by…

“I go number two!” Baby Mario announced, sounding relieved after releasing the demons within. (Turd-demons that is…)

“Oh god!” Yoshi exclaimed as he quickly put Baby Mario to the floor, almost throwing him down.

“Hee hee hee! Change me!” Baby Mario demanded.

“NO! You’re old enough to use the bathroom on your own. Go change your own clothes!” Yoshi shot back.

“Change me! CHANGE ME!! CHANGE ME!!!” Baby Mario screamed, progressively getting louder and louder.

“I SAID NO!!!” Yoshi shouted and dropped back into his couch.

As Baby Mario continued screaming on top of his lungs, Yoshi began thinking to himself.

What the hell happened over the years? Baby Mario used to be such a good kid! I can’t believe this is happening! It was so sudden: one day, he’s a well-mannered baby, well on his way to becoming just like his dad… Wait a second… What if he’s the source of all this bad behavior? What if Mario is the reason Baby Mario is acting like such a terror. It has to be. Baby Mario is smarter than he looks. He knows I’m not his dad. In his own insane and childish way, he’s begging to be bought back to his father. But Mario is such a neglectful parent… Always on an adventure. Always on the prowl. Never at home for his kids… Even Bowser is a better dad than Mario is! I swear that I will get Baby Mario back to his rightful owner. Even if it’s the last thing I…

Yoshi’s thought process was interrupted by a very heavy and very smelly diaper thrown at his face.

“Weeeeeee, hee hee hee hee heeeee! Wee-wee!” Baby Mario exclaimed as he was running around the house without a diaper on. It was easy to follow his path of mischief because he was trailed by a sparkling, yellow stream of liquid.

“…do…” Yoshi muttered, his voice muffled by the diaper covering his face. “I’m going to kill this kid…”
___________

Sucks to be Yoshi, huh? Let’s check the scene with someone else…
___________

“The paved path to triumph lies before you. It has already been set by the gods that watch over us, and it has been kept navigable by those who have walked the path before you. The only thing left for you to do is to follow the path until it ends at your final destination.”

“OK… *snicker* and… what if… I don’t follow the path? (Heh heh)”

“I may be wise, but I am no fortune teller. The choice is entirely up do you.”

“Well, you must be wise. *snicker* It takes a very wise and clever being to learn how to fly using the wing up their ass! BWAAAAAAAAA-HAAAAA-HAAAA-HAAA!!!”

Ever since the Owl last met with Link, things haven’t been going so great for him. No one took him seriously anymore. He had gone from one of the wisest and well-respected beings in all of Hyrule, to the laughing stock of the entire country! In an instant, every piece of advice and every shard of knowledge he had ever given anyone was forgotten. He had even given knowledge to the King of Hyrule himself! None of that mattered now. He was a freak.

“You ungrateful fool! You came in search of my advice! I give it to you, and this is how you repay me? By mocking me? I’ll have you know it’s very difficult to fly with my wing’s new location. Instead of support and compassion, I get condescended as if I was some type of disfigured pauper!” The Owl shouted in anger.

“I didn’t believe my friends when they told me what happened to you. I just HAD to see for myself. This is the highlight of my day!” The random Hylian said. “Why don’t you just find a way to put it back where it belongs?”

“It’s not as simple as it seems. Have you noticed when our so-called ‘Hero of Time’ chops up a sign, he plays Zelda’s Lullaby on his Ocarina? The sign magically reassembles as if it was never broken. I must find Link and get him to play Zelda’s Lullaby so my wing will return to normal. By any means necessary.” The Owl said with a hint of malice, never before heard from his beak.
___________

Sucks to be the Owl, huh? Let’s check up on Donkey Kong now!
___________

“Man, I’m bored. When’s G-Dorf gonna call you up so we can beat up Mario?”

“Patience, Diddy. The time will come sooner than you think. Complaining won’t make our soon-to-be finest moment come any faster.” DK assured Diddy. “Oh, and I’m sorry to say, this will actually be my finest moment only. Mario has done something that is unforgivable. I must settle this alone. You won’t understand the brilliant plan I have compiled in order to put him out of commission…”

“Aww, can’t I come? Pleeeeease?” Diddy begged, flashing his set of perfect teeth.

“No Diddy, I’m sorry. This is my battle. I must fight it alone…” DK explained.

“OK…” Diddy muttered, looking very disappointed and sad.

“Hey, I’ll make it up to you when I return victorious. As a matter of fact, I’ll start making it up right now!” DK exclaimed and headed to his massive, Dolby-quality sound system.

“Hey, are you gonna play my favorite song?” Diddy asked. His face immediately brightened up.

DK simply smiled and switched on the system. The first noticeable thing was the bass. It shook everything in the house. With four three-foot subwoofers, you couldn’t expect anything less. It could actually register as a small earthquake.

Then the song started up…

Three, six, nine
Standin’ real fine
Move it to you sing it to me one mo’ time
Get low
Get low, get low, get low, get low, get low, get low
To the WINDOOOOOOOOOWS (to the windows)
To the WAAAALLS (to dat wall)
‘Til the sweat drop down my BALLS (my balls)
‘Til all these bitches crawl (crawl)
To aaaall skeet skeet MOTHA-FUCKAAAAAAAAS
To aaaall skeet skeet (What! What!)
To aaaall skeet skeet MOTHA-FUCKAAAAAAAAS
To aaaall skeet skeet (What! What!)

Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong were gettin’ their dance on to Lil’ Jon and the Eastside Boyz’s song, Get Low. Cursing was rampant, female slander was abundant, and deterioration of the English language was inescapable. Despite all these negatives, Donkey Kong’s jungle tree house was rocking to the beat and rumbling to the bass furiously as if the music was perfectly acceptable.

As DK and Diddy rocked to the beat, they didn’t notice the elderly figure standing in the doorway. He was hunched over and was leaning on a black cane. On his head, he wore white hair in horse-shoe hairstyle, which connected to a flowing, long, white beard. On his face, he wore thin-framed bifocal glasses, and on his body he wore a sweater-vest. It was none other than Cranky Kong! He definitely wasn’t enjoying this type of music…

“Will you whipper-snappers turn that racket down?! An old-timer can’t get his beauty rest with that hullabaloo ringing in my ears! How could you call this babble “music” anyway?” Cranky tried screaming over the noise. His frail old voice was barely audible. Donkey and Diddy didn’t even notice him.

“OOOO!! Those rambunctious apes will be the death of me!” Cranky said to himself as he walked toward Donkey Kong.

“Excuse me, sonny…” Cranky said, slightly raising his voice. Donkey Kong didn’t seem to hear him, as he continued to wildly dance while swinging his arms. “Would it be so much trouble to-”

*DONKEY KONG’D*

Cranky was about to ask DK to turn down the music, but DK did a wild spin with his arms stretched out: the Spinning Kong! Cranky was knocked hard and thrown out of the tree house. DK looked around to see if he hit anything, but saw nothing and kept dancing.

Cranky stumbled into the tree house once again, struggling to keep himself up on his cane. He decided to ask Diddy to convey the message to Donkey, since it seemed a little less dangerous to be around Diddy. As Cranky approached Diddy, Diddy was just finishing a crazy break-dancing move.

“Diddy! Make yourself useful and-”

*DIDDY’D*

Cranky got uppercut by the strongest part of Diddy’s body: his tail! Diddy began jump-roping over his tail and caught Cranky in the chin when he got too close and sent him flying into the ceiling.

“Huh?” Diddy turned around because he felt something hit his tail. There was absolutely nothing behind him, so he continued his wild dancing.

Cranky was stuck with his head through the ceiling. His head slowly slipped out and he fell to the floor, flat on his back. Donkey and Diddy still didn’t realize Cranky was in the room.

Just then, Cranky did an incredibly agile frog-hop to his feet and assumed a tae-kwon-do position. He glared at Donkey and Diddy still boogieing down to the hip-hop beat.

“HHIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-YAAAAAAAAA!!!” Cranky screamed. Donkey and Diddy finally noticed Cranky… when he was about to layeth the smacketh down on their monkey-asses with a cane!

*CANE’D*
*DOUBLE CANE’D*

Both of the young apes were floored by Cranky’s lethal skills in Cane-Fu. He put his cane away as if he was sheathing a sword.

“You good-for-nothings mind turning that music down? An old man has to get some shut-eye!” Cranky shouted over the noise.

“YEAH!” DK shouted.

“I’m glad we understand each other! So turn it down while I’m still here!” Cranky continued.

“YEAH!” DK shouted back. Diddy covered his mouth to suppress his laughter.

“Yeah… Turn it down, you lazy oaf!” Cranky said.

“WHAT?!” DK shouted.

“Turn down the music!”

“WHAT?!” Diddy joined in.

“I said turn down that racket!”

“WHAT?!” Diddy repeated.

“TURN IT DOWN!!!”

“WHAT?!” DK and Diddy were now saying this simultaneously, as well as starting to dance to the music again.

“TURN THAT CACOPHONY DOWN!!!”

“WHAT?!”

“I…”

“WHAT?!”

“said…”

“WHAT?!”

“turn…”

“WHAT?!”

“that…”

“WHAT?!”

“fracas…”

“WHAT?!”

“DOWN!!!!” Cranky screamed into DK’s ear.

“…”

“…”

“WHAT?!”

Cranky simply hung his head and covered his face with both hands.

“WHAT?!” DK and Diddy shouted, not even paying attention to Cranky anymore.

“Its amazing how today’s youth can’t even respect their elders... I’m nearing my final days. I don’t demand much. All I ask for is for is some peace and quiet, so I can get some sleep. You two can’t even respect a simple wish like that! If I can’t depend on you two to do something as simple as that, how can I depend on you two at all?” Cranky cried, pouring his aged heart out into his words.

“WHAT?!” DK shouted at Cranky.

“…I said I’m going to pummel you with my cane.” Cranky muttered.

“OKAY!!” DK shouted.

*PUMMEL’D*

Cranky immediately pounced on DK and beat the crap out of him with his cane. Diddy immediately stopped dancing and watched the muscle-bound gorilla get schooled hard by a fragile and should-be helpless old simian.

“ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I’ll do better than turn it down! I’ll turn it off! Just cease the pummeling!!!” DK begged, shielding his face from Cranky’s merciless attacks.

“Thank you, you good-for-nothing primates! Back in my day, everyone could enjoy the music someone played in their tree house. But back then, tree houses weren’t called tree houses. They were called scalawags! And scalawags were called tree houses! Who decided these things should change names? Why I did of course! It all goes back to when I invented origami…” Cranky trailed off, heading out of the tree house and back to his home.

Diddy went and turned off the stereo as DK was still reeling from Cranky’s vicious onslaught.

“Hey, Donkey… You OK?” Diddy asked, patting DK’s chest.

“Yeah…” DK muttered, his hands still covering his face.

“I didn’t know Cranky could pull moves like that! No wonder he was the original Donk-anIgoandeatsomebananasfromyourbananahoard-ey Kong!” Diddy “cleverly” asked while DK was still woozy from the barrage.

“Yeah…” DK groaned.

Diddy started beaming and ran outside to DK’s famous stash of golden bananas.

“Ugh… Where did Cranky acquire the skill to fight like that? He’s just a frail geriatric! If I can’t handle his onrush of violence, how can I keep my composure when I face Mario? No no, I mustn’t worry. This won’t be your typical, mindless fighting: throwing fists and matching brute strength. Oh no, not at all! This fight will involve cunning. Quick-thinking. Intelligence. Cranky will be so proud of my accomplishment. Mario won’t have the savvy mentality to… Wait a second…” DK suddenly thought about what Diddy had said to him before he left. “DIDDY!!! GET OUT OF MY BANANA HOARD!!!” DK hollered and jetted to his not-so-secret stash.
___________

Sucks to be Donkey Kong, huh? Let’s go check with someone special…
___________

In the bathroom, black armor was strewn about, along with a pair of boots and brown pants. The shower was running. In the shower, a man was cleaning the events of the day off himself. His muscles bulged every time he bent his arms…

He…

Ummm…

He took the soap…

…

You know what? I can’t do this. I can’t describe a man taking a shower. It ain’t my style! Call me a homophobe! I don’t give two squirts of piss! I know the truth. I just can’t do it.

“What the hell are you doin’ here? I thought I said I didn’t wanna be in this damn act, dawg! Now you gonna do some homo-stalkin’ shit and sneak into my bathroom to describe me takin’ a shower? You ain’t no homophobe! You jus’ a straight homo! When I’m done wit’ Link, I’ma hunt yo’ ass down and put somethin’ in yo’ biceps, boy!”

“You wear a shower cap, G-Dorf? Anyway, just calm down… I-”

“Shut the fuck up! Don’t call me G-Dorf, son. We ain’t on that level. Don’t even say my name. Jus’ be out.”

“Yo, Ganondorf. Come on, I was just-”

“Say my name again and see what happens! I dare you! I double dare you, motha-fucka!! GET THE FUCK OUT!!!”

“Alright, alright! I’m going…”
___________

Sucks to be me, huh? That didn’t go exactly as I planned…

Let’s see what Bowser’s doing...
___________

Bowser was still on the roof of Ganondorf’s castle. He was simply staring into the horizon. He never really spent much time outside of his own castle. The only time he would leave was to go to the SSB tournaments, or to kidnap Peach. Seeing the seemingly endless black clouds and the abundance of thunder of lightning from the roof of Ganondorf’s Castle made Bowser feel good. It made him feel proud to be a villain. He then walked into the secret room on the roof and pulled out something from his shell and stood there, seemingly in a trance.

…

Still stood there…

…

Still stood… wait… WAIT! He’s gonna do something!

He lifted his scaly green arm to his orange hair. He placed his and in his hair and… started… scratching his head…

…

That’s it! Looks like I, myself, have to make things interesting.

“Bowser, you’re making this part of the story suck testicles, man! Do something! You’re putting my readers to sleep! You’re putting me to sleep trying to describe what you’re doing!” I screamed at Bowser.

“Leave me alone…” Bowser muttered.

“What is your problem?! You’re such a character when you’re around Ganondorf, or anyone for that matter! What happened to the guy that said ‘Mi hostage es su hostage’? What happened to the guy that transforms into one 1337 mo-fo? What happened to ‘the Illest of the Ill, the Baddest of the Bad, and the Evilest of the Evil’?” I asked.

“That’s just a facade I put on when I’m in the presence of other people. When I’m alone, I’m very introverted and boring. If you’re going to write about me when I’m alone, you’re just gonna have to deal with this side of me. So there. Kiss my scaly green ass.” Bowser responded.

“Screw you, man… What the hell are you looking at anyway?” I asked, trying to peer over his shoulder.

“It’s none of your business! You’ll never find out; there’s no way you can see over my massive shoulder.” Bowser shot back. It was true. Bowser stood nearly seven feet! I was only 5’11”…

“You know what? You’re right! I can’t see over your big-ass shoulders. But you forget one thing. One very important thing… I’m telling this story in third-person omniscient! I KNOW EVERYTHING!!! MWA HA HA!!!” I shouted victoriously as thunder and lighting went off in the background.

Bowser was staring at a picture of Peach, posing in a short, pink skirt and a ponytail, winking at the camera with her finger up.

“Uhhhh-huh… That’s kinda obsessive… I mean, she is in the fortress. You did kidnap her. The real Peach is right out there for you to do whatever you want with her. Why are you sitting in a dark room fantasizing over a frozen moment of her in time?” I asked, slightly disturbed by Bowser’s actions.

“I can look at Peach in this picture and do whatever I want to her in my mind. I don’t have to worry about her screaming, or her frantically resisting, or her trying to fight back. You’ve seen her in SSBM. She’s getting harder to kidnap, man. I didn’t have an easy time getting her into that bag… But with this picture, and my mind, she submits to my every command. You should see what I’m doing to her right now…” Bowser said with a suggestive smile.

“Umm, no… That might scar me for life. You know what? You were right. You’re only interesting around other people. I’ll make sure to avoid you whenever you’re alone.” I said.

“You’ve made the right decision. Now leave me and my Peach alone. My Peach… My… my… my precious…” Bowser rasped.

I slowly vanished from the scene. My little moment spent with Bowser seriously freaked me out...
___________

Once again it sucks to be me. I think I’m just gonna end it here… Bowser destroyed my desire to write for now.
___________
___________

A little something out of the ordinary. I'ma tell y'all right now, this wasn't everyone's favorite act... Luckily, this is the only act like it.

Hopefully, I remember to update on Thursday this time.

Oh yeah, that's a cool pic, Vocab.

[Tenlaius]

no prob Zeeke

[Idlethought]

its funny how he acts like he just wrote this *cough*

[Tenlaius]

you think i am zeeke? ya right..if i was i would be cooler and not lame

[Idlethought]

no i mean...ugh forget it. and zeeke groupies scare me, he has enough as it is

[Dead Sexy Vocab]

I posted that picture by mistake, mistook this as the Picture Thread. :o

Hehe. Ganondorf wearing a showercap... :D

[Tenlaius]

I posted that picture by mistake, mistook this as the Picture Thread. :o

Hehe. Ganondorf wearing a showercap... :D

even more...Bowser beeing sort of sensual and a major perv at the same time..weird ;)
and DK's gramp or whoever he is kicking his @$$

[Dead Sexy Vocab]

Hehe. Cranky Kong's awesome. If only they could put Diddy Kong in the Super Smash Bros. Online game for Nintendo Revolution, haha. :D They should, like, do what they did before, and recycle some character's moves and make them different for some other (ie, Captain Falcon => Ganondorf, Mario => Dr. Mario). They should recycle Star Fox's moves for Diddy, since he's got the neccessary stuff (ie, Peanut Dual Elites = Star Fox's Gun, Diddy Rocket = Fire Fox, Diddy Headbutt = Fox Illusion, etc etc)

[Tenlaius]

update day...i think,dunno...perhaps?
*edit*
still no update? that is ok...will be spending November 1st trying to unlock the jedi characters on Battlefronts 2...go Grevious!! Kill that little green midget!

[ZeekeXIV]

And again, I forget...

*Sigh*

Anyway, here it is.
_______
_______

Act 8: Getting Where You Need To Go Once Again (Part 2)

This is still your favorite narrator/author talking…

…and our problem persists…

I still don’t think its time to start with Mario, Link, and Luigi. But I can’t think of anyone else to write about! And I don’t think now is the right time to introduce a completely new character. Damn… I guess I’m gonna have to get started on Mario and crew…
_______

Mario, Link, and Luigi were staring imminent death in the face as they watched what seemed to be a car come speeding toward them at incomprehensibly fast speeds. They saw no possible way to dodge it!

Closer and closer the car came, seconds from impact! The three crowded together, bracing themselves for a splattery end. They could literally count down to the dreaded moment…

“Three…” Mario muttered.

“Two…” Link whimpered. Tears of fear streamed from his eyes.

“STOP THIS, NOW!!!” Luigi unexpectedly blurted out.

Suddenly, everything stopped! Seriously. EVERYTHING stopped! Except for Mario, Luigi, and Link that is…

“How are you gonna introduce us like this, man? You’re not ready for this part of the story yet!” Luigi shouted to the sky, as if he was talking to a higher being.

“I have to stop appearing in my fic… It’s starting to get old.” I muttered. “What you talkin’ ‘bout, Luigi?”

“You said it yourself: ‘The way Act 7 ended calls for a delayed entrance of the main characters’. Leaving us out for one part of the act isn’t delayed enough!” Luigi answered.

“I know, but I can’t think of anyone else to write about! You guys are just gonna have to get ready to work overtime. I’m gonna make your parts in this act real long.” I said.

“NO! I was tired as hell after the last act! Please think a little harder, man!” Link pleaded, dramatically dropping to his knees and holding his arms out.

“Yeah, really! I’m not ready to be plowed through by speeding death machines yet!” Mario added.

“But seriously, y’all. I can’t think of any other diversions! What should I do?!” I shouted, clutching my head in anguish and frustration.

They stared at each other. All three of them had blank expressions on their faces. It seemed hopeless… They were going to have to go through with their incredibly long part in Act 8 earlier than expected.

“Well, looks like y’all have no plans… I’m gonna start up the story again. Now, if you would all be so kind and resume the position of hugging each other and fearing for your lives…” I began.

“WAIT!!!” Luigi suddenly exclaimed. “I got it! Go re-read the part after I annihilated Sonic.” He suggested, shooting Mario and Link a sly and confident look.

“Word, man! Go check that out. The inspiration you need is right there!” Link added, catching on to Luigi’s idea. He began uncontrollably smiling and laughing. He was pretty happy about not ending up as a stain on someone’s windshield.

“Oh yeah? Lemme see…” I said as I scrolled up to where Luigi was talking about.

At first, I didn’t see anything worth writing about. But suddenly, it hit me like a renegade flying Bob-omb! The answer to my writing woes was right there!

“Luigi… This is why you’re my favorite character in Melee! I got exactly what I need! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before! NO ONE WILL SEE THIS COMING!!! Unless they’ve been reading carefully…” I exclaimed. I started doing the Jovial Dance of Triumph while Saria’s Song from Ocarina of Time magically started playing.

“Calm down… Victory is sweet, but it’s not worth it to murk your image by dancing around like a dumb-ass. Don’t be like Darunia…” Link stated.

“Oh! Snap… You’re right. Lemme get started on this.” I said, immediately putting the guillotine to my jubilant, yet senseless dancing.

“Make it good! Or I’ll kill you!” Mario happily warned, as if it was a normal thing to say.

“Oh don’t worry. This will be better than spending the night at Peach’s Castle! …in her bedroom!” I joked and quickly exited the scene.

“WHAT?! Bring your ass back here and say that!” Mario angrily shouted into the sky, while Luigi and Link held him back.

Unfortunately for him, I was long-gone, preparing to type up yet another overbearingly creative part of my ever-growing fanfic.
_______

“Woooo… MAN! It feels like I just threw a trillion ton monkey off my back! I feel so free! I don’t have to worry about him slowing me down. ‘We’ll get her back quickly’.” He mocked in an annoyingly high-pitched and nasal voice. “No dumb-ass, I’ll get her back quickly! If you were here, we’d be standing around arguing over where to go. This is for the better…”

After he exited the warp-pipe, he started to wander around his new location, hoping to find a clue that would tell him where to go next. As he searched, he also noticed things about the new environment.

The setting was a very bright and warm afternoon. In the woods he was wandering in, the grass was a very healthy green, as well as the treetops. And not only were the treetops very green, they were also very tall. Then entire forest seemed to be dancing with life. Just being in such a place made him thankful to be alive.

“This place is amazing! I almost wish someone else was here to enjoy this with…”

Suddenly, he heard some rustling in a bush he was passing by. He stopped and stared at it. Soft growling could be heard…

“That’s gotta be my ticket to finding out where I am…”

He slowly crept up to the bush. The growling gradually became louder and louder. As he got closer, he realized that the growling couldn’t possibly be coming from a big creature, or even a fierce one for that matter. It almost sounded like a child with a high, squeaky voice trying to imitate an angry dog.

He stopped right in front of the bush…

“OK… Here goes nothing…”

He lightly punched the bush and out jumped a blurrily fast little creature. At the moment, he couldn’t tell what it was because it had jumped right onto his face!

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! IT’S TRYING TO KILL ME!!! GET IT OFF!!!”

He started wildly running in unpredictable patterns, completely blinded by the creature consuming his face. He continued this for a little over a minute, until the creature suddenly jumped off his face.

“Hey! Come back-”

*SLAM-A-JAM-A*

Still running when the creature jumped off his face, a tree seemingly jumped into his path. Needless to say, he ran full-speed into a rock-hard tree trunk. He was knocked out for a while.

In his unconsciousness…

“Hey… HEY!” A voice called to him. He felt a rough, yet somehow gentle, nudging at his arm.

“Ugh… Where am I?” He groggily pondered aloud.

He opened his eyes and found himself literally in the middle of nowhere. Every direction he looked in was completely black. The only things he could see was himself and the figure that stood next to him. He was wearing a blue cape and a matching blue hood.

“You don’t need to worry about that right now. There are more important things to be concerned about…”

“Such as…?”

“Life is strange, isn’t it? Remember when you first entered the Inn at Rose Town and saw that child playing with his toys? I’ll bet you never thought in a million years that one of the dolls would come to life and wander into the woods! After you met him in the Forest Maze and found out who he really was and why he came, you realized you weren’t only on a journey to save the Princess… You were caught in the middle of a crisis much larger than that! You were on a journey to save the world!”

“So this isn’t just about me saving Peach from Bowser? Are you telling me I’m gonna end up saving the world again?”

“You must know by now that the Stars work in strange ways. When the world is in danger, they call on you, knowing fully well that you will do whatever you need to do to ensure safety. But the Stars are confused. They see two of you! One is good: if he succeeds, the world will be bathed in happiness and prosperity. The other one…”

“There’s two of me? That makes little, to no sense. The last time there was two of me, it turned out that it was only someone in disguise. How could the Stars not see who’s disguised as me?”

“Maybe because it’s not a disguise… As I said before, life is strange. I’m only here to warn you about things to come. Remember, one will save the world and the other will destroy it. Which one are you, Mario?”

“I’m…”

Before he could finish his thought, the dream was ended immediately by a vicious shock from reality, literally. Mario was jolted awake by a rush of electricity.

(Author’s Note: Mario is in the hiz-ouse! But this isn’t the Mario that travels with Link. This is the Mario from the alternate reality after Link screwed around with time in Act 7. Don’t get it? Re-read Act 7: Part 5 - the part after Link obliterated Eggman’s flying contraption. Thank Luigi later.)

“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Mario screamed in agony. His cries of pain rang through the forest.

When his shocking experience was over, he wearily looked around to see what electrocuted him. To his surprise, he found a Pichu standing by him.

“Pichu? What are you doing here? Where am I?” Mario demanded.

“Piiii? Pi, chuuu!” Pichu answered.

“Ah, I see. Thanks. Now… repeat that in English.” Mario said, rising to his feet.

“Pichu! Pi, pichu!” Pichu articulated.

Mario shrugged. “Well, at least I know where I am. I’m somewhere in the Pokemon World; seemingly in a forest where wild Pichus roam.” Mario thought to himself aloud.

“Chu.” Pichu agreed.

“Hmmm… It sounds like you can understand me. Can you take me to where I can talk to actual people?” Mario asked, hoping for a decipherable answer.

“Chuuu!” Pichu squealed and held up its tiny thumb for a thumbs-up sign. It also gave the cutest possible smile imaginable and its eyes welled up.

“Wow… That’s so cute, it’s frightening…” Mario shuddered. “But I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.”

They began walking through the forest. As they walked on, Mario noticed some strange things about the woods. A few of the trees seemed to be… dancing. Not only that, but he heard a few murmurs coming from the trees’ direction. He also could have sworn a few of them had blinked!

“This place is starting to get a little creepy… How much longer, Pichu-pal?” Mario asked.

“Piiii!” Pichu exclaimed and pointed directly in front of them.

It was a sign!

Mario ran straight toward the sign, hoping it would tell him where he was, while Pichu followed close behind.

“Let’s see what this says…” Mario began.

You are about to leave the Viridian Forest. Pallet Town is straight ahead. We hope you had a nice hike through the woods. Enjoy your stay in Pallet Town!

Be on the lookout for the tree-mimicking Sudowoodo!

“I guess that’s what I ran into…” Mario realized.

“Pichu! Chuuu!” The mouse-like pokemon exclaimed and ran off ahead.

“Hey you, Pichu! Wait a sec!” Mario shouted and ran after Pichu.

The pokemon was very quick, but he managed to follow it directly out of the forest, right to the city limits of Pallet Town, where it suddenly stopped running. As Mario got closer to the creature, it looked scared. It was standing on all fours in a defensive stance.

“Pichu! What’s the problem?” Mario called out.

“Well, well! It looks like this Pichu has a trainer.” A female voice observed.

“Does it matter? We were gonna snatch it anyway!” Another voice said.

Mario saw a group of three standing before the Pichu. One was a woman who had long, red hair. It was done in a weird style though: it extended way below her back and was slicked into a curly point. One was a tall man who had shiny, light blue hair. The third actually looked like a cat with a charm in the middle of its head. Mario assumed that was a Meowth because he remembered seeing them in the original Super Smash Brothers. The two humans both wore white jackets that adorned a red “R” on the front.

“Who are you guys?” Mario demanded.

“I’m surprised you don’t recognize us. We’re known all over Kanto! We’d give you a whole introduction, but there isn’t enough time for that. We have bigger fish to fry!” The man said.

“Be a sweetheart and just give up that Pichu. We don’t want to hurt you, but we’ll have no problem doing so if you decide to act up.” The woman threatened.

“I remember now! You’re the infamous Team Rocket: Jessie, James, and Meowth. Always after Ash’s Pikachu… You guys are complete idiots! This little guy isn’t even mine… We just met after I appeared in Viridian Forest.” Mario explained.

“Great! So ya won’t have a problem saying good-bye then!” Meowth said.

“Quite the contrary! Pichu led me out of the forest and to this town. The least I could do is protect it from you morons.” Mario stated, assuming his fighting stance.

“We’ll see how well you can protect it when it’s in our pokeball!” James shouted and whipped out a pokeball. He assumed a pitcher’s stance, looking as if he was going to throw a fastball right at Pichu!

“You won’t get it in there!” Mario exclaimed and jetted toward Pichu.

“Pokeball… GO!” James shouted and hurled the ball at the frightened pocket monster.

It was as if everything had slowed down to half its normal speed. Mario was steadily getting closer and closer, ready to smack the pokeball away from Pichu and back into James’s face! James looked on with a stone grill of determination. It was as if the expression on his face would decide the outcome of this.

The pokeball was within a foot of Pichu’s enormous head. It braced itself for impact, but suddenly, Mario dove at the ball and smacked it out to the way!

“DRAT! I was so close!” James shouted in disappointment as Mario’s hand made contact with the ball. He began to throw a wild, anime-style fit.

What happened next surprised the crap out of everyone though…

The ball traveled six inches away from Mario after he swatted it, then it opened up. Mario suddenly felt himself get trapped by an unknown force. He fought to escape it, but it had a firm hold on him. Then it felt like he was being dragged into the ball! As he was pulled closer and closer to the ball’s opening, Mario fought harder and harder to escape. He fought with all he had until he was exhausted, but there was no avail. The force bought him into the pokeball and the opening shut tight.

Team Rocket and Pichu stared in complete disbelief at Mario’s new prison. They could not comprehend what they just witnessed. Pichu snapped out of its awe quicker than everyone else and found the moment of confusion to be a prime time to escape back into the forest.

“Hey, look! That Pichu’s gettin’ away!” Meowth announced, snapping everyone else out of their awestruck trance.

“Forget about that. We just caught ourselves a brand-new pokemon! I’m pretty sure even the boss hasn’t seen this one yet! We’re going to be rich!” Jessie squealed in utter glee.

“Are you sure, Jessie? It may have looked a bit strange, but it had all the traits of a human. It could even talk!” James mentioned.

“Have you seen the boom in the pokemon population? Scientists say there are over 350 of them now! New species are being discovered everyday! Don’t you think we were just lucky enough to find an undiscovered breed?” Jessie reasoned.

“Well, I suppose so…” James uneasily agreed while scratching his head, still having his doubts.

“Hey, I jus’ had a great idea!” Meowth announced, walking over to the pokeball and picking it up. “Why don’t we go and surprise the twerp with our new friend and steal his Pikachu while we’re at it? Usually our days are a lot less eventful, but today might be different! We jus’ caught an entirely new pokemon! Maybe we’ll finally grab that Pikachu, too!” He suggested, throwing the pokeball up and catching it with one hand.

“Wow, Meowth with a great idea! Maybe this is our lucky day!” James said, becoming a little more optimistic.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get in the balloon and find him!” Jessie exclaimed.

Meanwhile, in Cerulean City…

“I can’t wait to reach the Gym and win my next badge! Maybe we’ll even meet Gary here! I’ll show him a thing, or two, with my new pokemon!”

“Ash, how could you forget that you already won the Water Badge? And how could you forget the real reason we’re here? We’re here so you can buy me a new bike!”

“C’mon Misty! It wouldn’t hurt to go visit your sisters, would it? Maybe Ash can have a friendly battle with them just to toughen up his line-up, just in case we meet Gary. Besides, don’t you want to see your beloved siblings?”

“Brock, you’ll say anything just to see my sisters. What won’t you do for a girl?”

“Pikachu!”

“Toge-prrrrrrriii!”

Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, and Togepi had found their way back to Kanto after their long and exciting journeys to places like Johto and Hoenn. They mainly returned to visit their families and take a break from their hectic adventure.

“Oh, umm, Misty… About that bike…” Ash stammered, giving a cheesy smile and nervously laughing.

“What’s wrong? After all those battle you’ve been in, you should have enough money to buy two bikes!” Misty said.

“Not exactly… You see, I kinda spent all the money on pokemon power-ups like protein and calcium. I bought enough for all of my pokemon, so…” Ash trailed off. He had his hands in his pockets and was looking at the ground.

“You… WHAT?!” Misty shouted in disbelief, throwing Togepi, who she had been carrying, up into the air. Brock scrambled and made a diving catch to save it before it came crashing into the ground.

Misty ran over to Ash, grabbed his ankles, and flipped him upside-down. She began shaking the life out of him, hoping he was just kidding and the money would come pouring out. Much to her dismay, only a few worthless coins trickled out of Ash’s pockets. Misty’s eyelids began to twitch.

“Heh heh… It’s not all hopeless! If we battle your sisters and maybe fight Gary and win, we’d already have an eighth of what we need to buy a bike! We’ll make all that money back in-” Ash began, but…

*SHAZAM-SLAM-BAM*

Misty swung Ash by the ankles and slammed him into a nearby wall! Ash fell in a sprawled out heap on the ground. Misty then jumped on top of him and furiously began punching him in the face!

“YOU STUPID, STUPID BOY! THE ONLY REASON I’M TRAVELING WITH YOU IS SO YOU DON’T FORGET THAT YOU STOLE MY BIKE AND DESTROYED IT!!! YOU FINALLY HAVE ENOUGH TO BUY IT AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU SPEND IT ON YOUR LOSER LINEUP! YOUR POKEMON SUCK! AND EVERYTIME YOU GET A GOOD ONE, YOU SEND IT TO STUPID PROFESSOR OAK AND NEVER USE IT AGAIN OR YOU RELEASE IT! YOU’D TRY TO SET YOUR PIKACHU FREE AGAIN IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE! YOU’RE SUCH AN IDIOT! I HATE YOU!!!” Misty ranted with her voice slowly sounding more demonic as she continued to pummel Ash with her feminine fists of fury.

“Pika! Piii, pika!” Pikachu pleaded as he tried to stop Misty’s onslaught.

“GET OFF ME, YOU STUPID YELLOW VERMIN!” Misty snarled and swatted Pikachu away with her infamous wooden mallet that she always pulls from nowhere.

“Whoa! Misty, take it easy! You’re making Togepi cry!” Brock said, hoping that would calm her down.

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT STUPID EGG! IT’S USELESS AND IT WON’T EVOLVE! I CAN’T DEPEND ON A POKEMON THAT USES METRONOME AS ITS MAIN ATTACK!” Misty rampaged, getting off of Ash and menacingly stomped toward Brock. Her eyes were somehow glowing red and the earth shook with every stomp she took. There was also an evil, black aura around her.

“Ugh…” Ash groaned, unsteadily rising to his feet, and using the wall to lean on to keep his balance. “Misty’s gone crazy! Quick, Pikachu! Use that new move we’ve been working on! Shock her unconscious with Thunder Ball!”

“Pika!” Pikachu obediently responded, jumping to its feet. “Piiiiikaaaa…” Pikachu chanted, as its voice echoed through the town.

As it raised its tiny hands above its head, dark clouds began to gather and a thunderstorm brewed. Suddenly, a thick bolt of lightning ripped through the sky and plummeting to the ground, stopping at Pikachu’s outstretched arms. A ball of electricity formed between the lightning bolt and Pikachu’s hands. Additional bolts of lightning continued to gather at this point and the ball began growing larger and larger, until it was as big as a Snorlax!

“I think that’s big enough, Pikachu! Let her have it!” Ash commanded, pointing at Misty, who was frozen with fear at the sight of the gigantic ball of electricity.

“CHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!” The small, yet remarkably powerful Pikachu roared and heaved the Thunder Ball directly at Misty.

“NO!!! I WAS JUST KIDDING! I DIDN’T MEAN ANY- SEHF;LKDSA;NF;ONA;OIEWN FD;OSNFNS;K NVCWENF;oiew ;ofnewoi;nf;dsnf;oi n;snafkdsn;f;ABNF;Bs fb;WB; EGF;FNw;fe!!!” The sounds of an intensely electrocuted Misty tore through the air. It caused a spectacular light-show, which the whole town gathered to see.

After ten minutes of straight electrocution, the skies cleared again, revealing the light blue sky and the bright, yellow sun. Misty fell to the ground in a crumpled, charred-black mess. She was back to normal, but she was completely unconscious and was twitching violently.

“Great job, Pikachu!” Ash exclaimed, picking up his Pikachu and hugging it as if it had just won him a battle with the Elite Four.

“Thanks, Ash. I thought I was a goner.” Brock sighed, wiping his forehead in relief.

“No problem, Brock. Misty was getting out of hand. I had to stop her before she did something-” Ash started explaining, but was interrupted by a sudden explosion.

Ash, Brock, Pikachu, Togepi, and Misty (still unconscious, still having Grand Mal Seizures) were now standing in a heavy and thick cloud of smoke.

“Where’d… all this smoke… come from?” Ash sputtered as he coughed and hacked, finding it hard to breath.

“Prepare for trouble! We have a surprise for you!” One voice announced.

“And make it double! It’s completely brand-new!” Another voice added.

To protect the world from devastation!
To unite all peoples within our nation!
To denounce the evils of truth and love!
To extend our reach to the stars above!

Jessie!
James!

Team Rocket stalks you twerps at the speed of light!
Acknowledge us now and prepare to fight, fight, fight!

Woooooobba Wobba!

*POW*

Meeee-owth, that’s right!

“Team Rocket!” Ash and Brock shouted in shocked unison.

“How’d ya know it was us?” Meowth sarcastically responded.

“Guys, I’m kinda on vacation. I don’t want to deal with you three right now. Maybe we can continue this in a month or so...” Ash told the “evil” trio.

“Not so fast! Today is our lucky day! We caught a new pokemon, and with it, we’re finally going to steal your Pikachu!” James stated, pointing at Ash.

“You guys always catch the worst pokemon! With losers like Weezing, Arbok, Victreebell, and Wobbuffet, I don’t expect anything phenomenal from you.” Brock taunted.

“Just to show you how serious we are, bring out your best! Both of you! We promise we’ll do our worst!” Jessie countered, laughing at her own clever pun.

“I’ll handle this, Brock.” Ash assured Brock. “Go… Tododile and Noctowl!” Ash shouted and hurled two pokeballs out in front of him.

“Wooooooo!” Noctowl hooted as it gracefully flew over Team Rocket’s heads and back to Ash’s shoulder. It splendidly glimmered as the sun’s rays bounced off its shiny feathers.

“Todododododododododododo!!!” The tiny, blue, crocodile-looking pokemon sang as it happily danced, flailing its arms and legs wildly.

“Calm down, Tododile…” Ash said, staring at the endless glee of his pokemon.

“Tododododododododododo!!!” Tododile continued to sing.

It flung its arms and legs so rapidly that it actually began to hover off the ground a little bit. As it continued to dance, it rose higher and higher into the sky until it was out of sight.

“That was weird…” Ash muttered, looking up into the sky.

“Ummm… choose another pokemon, Ash.” Brock said.

“Right… I choose you… Bayleef!” Ash shouted and tossed another pokeball in front of him.

“Leef!” Bayleef said, swinging the leaf above its head side-to-side. It turned to Ash and tackled him to the ground, showering him with Pokemon affection (some might consider this bestiality…).

“Whoa! Take it easy, Bayleef! I like you too, but we have a battle to win!” Ash said while trying to ease the overly-loving Bayleef off him.

“If that’s what you call your best, then there’s no way you can win!” James taunted, taking out a pokeball. “Pokemon… GO!” He shouted and threw it in front of him.

Out jumped their new “pokemon”. When he realized he was out of the pokeball, he looked around frantically, wondering where he was. Took off his trademark, red hat and scratch his brown hair in confusion. He also wiped off the perspiration from his moustache.

“PIKA?!” Pikachu gasped in astonishment.

“What the hell is that?!” Brock shot out in disbelief, actually opening his eyes in complete surprise.

“That doesn’t look like any pokemon I’ve ever seen…” Ash said, also finding it hard to believe Team Rocket actually caught something like that.

“That’s because I’m not a damn pokemon!” Mario snapped in anger, finding it hard to believe he could be mistaken for a pokemon.

“WHOA!” Ash and Brock gasped simultaneously, finding it hard to believe the “pokemon” just spoke.

“It can talk!” Brock blurted out in further disbelief.

“Let’s see what Dexter has to say about this!” Ash suggested, pulling out his Pokedex from his pocket. He pointed it at Mario.

“Oh my god… That’s not a pokemon, you foo...” Dexter (Ash’s Pokedex) started, but caught itself in mid-sentence. “Uh, I mean that’s… not a pokemon… if it were… Opposite Day! Ha ha! But it isn’t Opposite Day! So that is a pokemon! Mario! …mon… Yeah, that’s it! Mariomon!” The Pokedex declared.

“Mariomon, huh? Let’s see if there’s anymore info on it…” Ash said and pressed a button, completely ignoring Dexter’s suspicious stuttering and abrupt mid-sentence pauses.

“Chuu!! Pika piii piiicha pikachu!” Pikachu exclaimed, trying to communicate to Ash that Mario definitely wasn’t a pokemon.

“Calm down, Pikachu. I’ll catch another one some day and we’ll have one of our own!” Ash happily said, petting Pikachu on the head.

“Pika pika!” Pikachu shouted, turning to Bayleef and Noctowl.

It was as if Pikachu was asking them why they weren’t trying to let Ash know that Mario was not a pokemon. They simply shrugged, as if to say “if Ash is too dumb to realize that’s not a pokemon, then there’s no use in telling him otherwise”.

“Mariomon: the… umm… Hero pokemon. This pokemon lives for the… …uhh… thrill of… saving… anyone or anything in any kind of… trouble! Legends say that the source of its… power comes from… its… …umm… hat! If someone is able to take the hat off its head and wear it as their own, they will be… destined to become… a… Pokemon Master! Because the ‘M’ on the cap stands for ‘Master’! …and they can beat any trainers named Gary!” Dexter fabricated.

Tears of joy began to fill Ash’s eyes. He clenched his fists and held them to his chest excitedly.

“Did you hear that?! My ticket to becoming a Pokemon Master is sitting right there on Mariomon’s head! I’ll even finally be able to beat Gary! I HAVE TO GET THAT HAT!!!” Ash excitedly shouted.

“Oh no you don’t! This is MY hat! My favorite hat! This hat comes off for no one! And for the last time… I’M NOT A GODAMN POKEMON!!!” Mario screamed on top of his lungs.

“Oh yeah? Then explain how ya got caught in our pokeball!” Meowth said to “Mariomon”.

“I have no clue how that happened, but I can guaran-damn-tee that I’m not a pokemon!” Mariomon shouted once again.

“Noctowl, use a Gust attack and try to knock his hat off his head!” Ash ordered.

“Woot!” Noctowl shrugged and delivered gale-force wind to Mario.

Mario held onto his hat for dear life. That hat was part of his identity! Even though he had a hundred more just like it in his closet back at home, he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that some retarded kid was flaunting his hat, claiming it would make him a Pokemon Master.

“We won’t stand for this! Mariomon! Use your…” James shouted, but froze in mid-sentence. “Use your… attack… Jessie! What attacks does Mariomon have?” James asked, desperately hoping for an answer.

“How should I know? I’ve never seen one before! Just shout out random attacks and maybe it will do one of them!” Jessie shot back.

“Mariomon! Use… Tackle!” James ordered.

“Tackle attack… You’re joking right?” Mario asked with a disappointed look on his face.

“Do not defy me! I am your master and I order you to use Tackle attack!” James spit out, whipping out his pointer finger and aiming it at Mario.

Suddenly, Mario sprung at James and gave him a rough and hearty, Terry Tate, NFL tackle! James got the wind knocked out of him and was floored. Mario stood on his chest with one foot and laughed.

“NOT ME, YOU IMBECILE! TACKLE THE BIRD!” James furiously demanded. “AND WHAT ARE YOU TWO LAUGHING AT?!” He shouted, shooting Jessie and Meowth a seething grimace.

“Nothing at all! We weren’t laughing at you!” Jessie casually replied, fighting the urge to burst out laughing like a lunatic. Meowth was doing the same.

“I’ll fight the bird only because it’s trying to take my hat. But I’m not taking your orders. You suck as a Pokemon Trainer.” Mario said sprung into the air. He jumped high enough to meet Noctowl eye-to-eye.

“Noctowl! Give him a stare-down with Leer!” Ash commanded.

Noctowl’s eyes began to glow yellow. Mario reacted by balling up his fists and swinging it toward the Owl pokemon downward. Noctowl got clocked in the head real nicely and bulleted into the ground. It got up shortly after, but was disoriented.

“That’s right, Mariomon! Good Mega Punch attack! I told him to use that, twerp!” James called out to Ash.

“No you didn’t, numb-nuts!” Mario called out to James.

“Whoa, that was a hard hit! Bayleef! Give him the Razor Leaf attack!” Ash ordered.

“Leef, leef, leef!” Bayleef repeated as it shot out random leaves at Mario.

Mario gracefully dodged every single leaf thrown at him. He started shooting fireballs at the attacking Bayleef. The Bayleef tried to dodge them, but failed as it caught three fireballs in the face! Don’t forget that fire is super-effective against Bayleef!

“LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFFFFFFFF!!!” Bayleef cried as it began to frantically run around in circles with its face on fire.

“Whoa! Bayleef, return!” Ash shouted as he took out Bayleef’s pokeball and withdrew it into the ball. “I’ll fight fire with fire! Go, Cyndaquil!” He shouted and hurled another pokeball out in front of him.

“Cynda!” The cute mole-looking pokemon squealed.

It then stood up on two feet and flames suddenly ignited on its back. These flames were strange, though. They looked like they were cheaply drawn onto its back by some kid in Kindergarten.

“You think that little rodent is going to stop my unstoppable pokemon?! HA HA HA!!!” James laughed at Ash’s absurd idea. “Mariomon! Give that fire-rat a taste of your Mega Punch!” James ordered.

“You just don’t get it, do you? I’m not listening to your orders! I’m not fighting for you! I’M NOT A GOD-FORSAKEN POKEMON! I’M A REAL BOY! I MEAN, MAN!!!” Mario bellowed.

“Cyndaquil, fire things up with a Flamethrower!” Ash demanded.

“Cynda! QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!” Cyndaquil opened its mouth and out streamed a beeline of flames.

Mario swiftly dodged the beam of fire, and the Flamethrower attack flew directly into James’s face! Jessie and Meowth were hysterical at that point. They didn’t care that James was glaring at them, plotting to do something grim to them while they were asleep…

Mario began to run at full speed toward Cyndaquil, preparing to deliver a sliding kick.

“Dodge his move with a Quick Attack, Cyndaquil!” Ash shouted.

“Quil!” Cyndaquil responded.

Mario closed in and began to slide toward the fire-type pokemon. Suddenly, it seemingly teleported out of the way!

“Whoa! The speed!” Mario exclaimed.

Then, Cyndaquil followed up by attacking Mario from behind. It ran at blazingly fast speeds, leaving trails of fire behind him, and threw itself at him! It flew through the air at such a high velocity that it actually flew through Mario and appeared in front of him! Mario was stunned by the tiny creature’s sheer agility.

“Now cover the area with Smokescreen!” Ash commanded.

Cyndaquil opened wide and thick, heavy smoke poured out of its mouth. The amount seemed endless as Mario and Team Rocket were swimming in a dark and thick cloud.

“Noctowl, you okay there? Use Foresight to track that Mariomon and take its hat!” Ash called out.

“Hooot-hooooot!” Noctowl replied and flew up into the sky, above the cloud of smoke.

Its eyes turned red and it began scanning the thick smog. It targeted Mario, who was sputtering and coughing and frantically looking around, preparing for another surprise attack against him. Noctowl then rapidly flapped its wings and dove into the dark brume, directly at Mario hat.

*SNATCH*

“NO! WHAT THE HELL?! GIVE MY HAT BACK!” Mario boomed, but began coughing wildly because of all the smoke he breathed in.

Noctowl returned to its master and dropped the hat into his hand. Ash stared at the hat. He couldn’t believe he was holding such a “legendary” hat. He ripped off his old hat and threw it aside, and then he slowly and tenderly mounted his new crown upon his young head. The hat fit loosely, and it was pretty sweaty, but he felt triumph as if he had single-handedly won a war between nations.

“Look at me, Pikachu… I did it. I’m finally a POKEMON MASTER!!! YEAH!!! YEAH!!! YEAH!!!” Ash auspiciously celebrated as he did a victory dance. “Now, Cyndaquil! Create a massive explosion by shooting a Flamethrower at that cloud of smoke!”

“Cynda!” Cyndaquil answered and began to breathe in a huge gulp of air, preparing to shoot out a massive Flamethrower.

“PIKA!” Pikachu angrily shrieked and grabbed the hat off of Ash’s ego-inflated head.

“Pikachu! What’s the matter with you? Gimme back that hat!” Ash demanded, holding his hand out.

“Piii!” Pikachu defiantly responded and ran into the cloud of smoke with the hat.

“Wait! Don’t go in there, Pikachu!” Ash shouted.

“QUIIIIIIIIIILLL!!!” Cyndaquil bawled and shot an incredible stream of flame at the billowing Smokescreen.

“NO! PIKACHU!!! MY HAT!!!” Ash shouted and started running at the cloud, hoping to beat the Flamethrower to it.

Ash is such an idiot…

*SAILING MISHAP* Whoops, I mean… *UNREALISTICALLY ENORMOUS EXPLOSION*

Ash was blown back into the side of a building, while Brock, Cyndaquil, and Noctowl were knocked flat onto their backs. Pikachu, Mario, and Team Rocket were right in the middle of the massive detonation and were blown sky-high at the speed of sound!

“Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn!!!”

“Wooooooooooobbbbaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”

“Wooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhoooooo ooooooooo!!!”

“Piiiiiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaaa-piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaa!!!”

All those shouts in unison faded into the background and the environment was silent once again. Ash gingerly rose to his feet and looked up into the heavens. Nothing but the blue, empty sky could be seen.

“Pikachu… My hat…” Ash defeatedly muttered, falling to his knees and hanging his head. Tears began to fall from his eyes and onto the stone-paved street.

“Ash…” Brock consoled, placing his hand on Ash’s shoulder.

Ash turned around and stared at Brock. He was holding the “Pokemon Master’s Hat”!

“It fell after the explosion. We’ll get Pikachu back. A Pokemon Master never gives up!” Brock said, trying to cheer up Ash.

“You’re right, Brock.” Ash murmured and took the hat from Brock to place it on his head once again. “I swear, as a Pokemon Master, that I will find my Pikachu! Then I’m going to catch a Mariomon, as well as all the Pokemon in the world! Then, I’m going to show Gary who’s the better trainer once and for all!” He declared, as he stood up and raised his fist into the air.

“Who are you going to show who’s the better trainer?” A voice from behind asked.

Ash turned around to see who was asking. A boy in his mid-teens stood before him. He had brown, spiky hair. He also wore a dark blue, slong-sleeved shirt, and matching pants. Beside him stood a black pokemon with long ears, an equally long tail, and red eyes. There was a golden ring around its ears and tail, and a golden oval could be seen on its forehead and all its joints.

“Oh crap… It’s Gary!” Ash gasped.

“Umbreon.” Gary’s Umbreon barked beside him.

“So… You think you can beat me in a pokemon battle, huh? Then put your money where your mouth is! Let’s go!” Gary spat out.

Ash looked uneasily at Gary, who was in a stance as if he was ready to fight. Would Ash believe the legend and fight Gary?

Find out in 2005!
_______
_______

I can tell you right now: the sequel is NOT coming out in 2005. Back then, I figured I'da been done by now, but that's not the case. I dunno when I'll be writing up that sequel, but it'll come one day.

That's still pretty far down the line, though. In the meantime, just enjoy the current stuff. I'll be back between Thursday and Monday.

[Tenlaius]

they are all dumbasses...stupid ash..and james

but were are link, and luigi?

[ZeekeXIV]

I remembered this time.
________
________

Act 8: Getting Where You Need To Go Once Again (Part 3)

Meanwhile, with Mario, Pikachu, and Team Rocket soaring through the air…

“So… we’ve been flying through the air for at least ten minutes now. How this is even possible is beyond me. If we were in the middle of an explosion that strong, there should be pieces of us scattered all over Kanto!” Mario said, as they were now sailing over the Pewter City Gym.

“You should know how many things are impossible in this world! I’m pretty an Electrode has used Explosion on you at some point in your Pokemon life.” Jessie said.

“Well, yeah… I got blown sky high! But I’m not a Pokemon…” Mario sighed, disappointed.

“Sure you aren’t. Anyway, you’re not dead from that explosion, right? It’s just best if you don’t think about it.” Jessie concluded.

“Fine. So when are we going to land?” Mario asked.

“Well, we’ve been blown-up so many times that we can accurately predict when and where we’re going to land.” James said, and then licked his finger and stuck it in the air. “Judging by the wind’s direction and our current flying speed, I say we’ll be landing in three minutes. This time, we’ll be crashing somewhere in Viridian City. That’s not as bad as what we usually go through. One time, we got blown-up and landed in the Lake of Rage, back in Johto. That wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t for that Red Gyarados.”

“You thought that was bad? Nothin’ was worse than when we landed on the roof of Tin Tower. That Ho-oh didn’t like us at all…” Meowth muttered, remembering the horrid ordeal.

“I think we’re going to land in the Viridian City Gym!” Jessie pointed out.

“Excellent! The best part is that our super-secret base is hidden there! We’ll show the boss our two new Pokemon: Mariomon and Pikachu!” James exclaimed, rubbing his hands together excitedly.

“I’m so damn tired of telling you guys that I’m not a Pokemon… When we get to your base, I’m beyond positive that your boss will tell you what I really am. Everyone can’t be as stupid as you guys…” Mario sighed. He still had doubts of the average intelligence level in this world. He already met five people who truly believe that he was a nothing more than a Pocket Monster.

“Hey, James… You said we’d be landin’ in three minutes, right?” Meowth inquired.

“Yes, I did. Why do you ask?” James replied.

James’s prediction was completely off. As soon as he asked his question, the group suddenly crashed through the roof of Viridian City’s Gym, as well as a few floors, and landed on the cold and hard basement floor of the Gym. That level of the Gym obviously wasn’t used very often. It was dark, dusty, and smelled of must.

“I wish I had more time to prepare for impact…” Mario said, muffled because of his position underneath Team Rocket.

“I’ll never get used to slamming into the floor like that…” James groaned, untangling himself from the dog-piled heap of bodies and rubble from the roof and destroyed floors on top of him. “Mariomon, return!” He suddenly ordered as he whipped out a pokeball.

“NOOOOO!!! DAMN YOU, JAMES!!!” Mario bawled as the familiar force took him over and returned him to his poke-prison.

“I’ve got another pokeball for Pikachu, too!” James mentioned, taking that one out and preparing to catch the electric-type Pokemon with it.

“Say… Where is Pikachu?!” Meowth exclaimed, after digging himself out of the mess.

Jessie suddenly exploded from the under the pile.

“We did NOT just get blown-up and come crashing through multiple floors just to lose that vermin! FIND HIM!” Jessie ordered.

Immediately, Team Rocket was on the prowl searching for Pikachu. It didn’t take too long to find him. Whenever Pikachu was exceedingly nervous, little sparks of lightning shot from his red cheeks.

“We’ve got you now, you little yellow rodent! With your power, as well as Mariomon’s, we’ll be invincible!” Jessie announced victoriously as Team Rocket ominously inched closer and closer to Pikachu.

Pikachu frantically looked around for a quick escape route, but there was none in sight.

“You can’t escape us! There’s nowhere to run! Just accept yourself as one of us now!” James said, holding out the pokeball.

“PIKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!” Pikachu shouted and produced thousands of volts of electricity to shock Team Rocket with. He formed the electricity into the head of a ravenous monster with sharp teeth.

“Well, aren’t we creative…” Jessie sarcastically muttered, knowing exactly what was coming next.

The electric monster then opened wide and devoured Jessie, James, and Meowth. They weren’t really eaten, but they were getting shocked to death.

After the deadly rush of electricity, Team Rocket poofed into ashes and scattered all over the floor. Pikachu saw Mario’s pokeball partially buried in the ashes. He immediately scurried over to the ball and set Mario free.

“Thanks a lot, Pikachu. Where’s Team Rocket?” Mario asked, quickly scanning the area.

“Pika.” Pikachu pointed toward the smoldering pile of ashes. Some of the ashes were picked up by a small draft of wind and floated up toward the hole in the ceiling.

“Wow… I won’t be pissing you off anytime soon!” Mario said cheerfully, but in astonishment. “Hey, quick question: you don’t believe I’m a pokemon, right?” He asked, silently praying that not everyone was as stupid as Team Rocket.

“Chu!” Pikachu gleefully squeaked.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” Mario shrugged. “So… now what do we do?”

“I can tell ya what you won’t be doin’!” A voice answered from the darkness.

“PIKA?!” Pikachu stammered in disbelief.

“Unbe-freaking-lieveable! How did you survive that?! You guys were reduced to ashes!” Mario gasped, as he stared at a perfectly untouched Team Rocket.

“To tell you the truth, we have no idea.” James admitted, while magically pulling out a chart and crudely drew two pictures. “As you can see by this chart, we were a pile of unrecognizable ashes before. Now we’re standing before you completely unscathed!”

“How do ya explain that, ya ask?” Meowth added.

“We simply can’t. By all accounts, it doesn’t make any sense.” Jessie concluded.

“At least we all can agree on that. Now if you’ll excuse us…” Mario began, pushing his way past Team Rocket alongside Pikachu.

“Oh no ya don’t! You two are proof that we’re not the failures our boss always says we are!” Meowth interrupted, blocking the duo’s way.

“Screw your boss! We’re leaving and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it! Unless you wanna fight for our captivity…” Mario suggested, stretching out and preparing to kick a reasonable amount of ass.

Pikachu’s cheeks began sparking violently as he donned an uncharacteristically devious smirk.

“Uh-oh… I don’t like the look on Pikachu’s face…” Jessie quietly whispered to James.

“Neither do I! And Mariomon looks pretty menacing too. Maybe we should just let them go.” James murmured back to Jessie.

“ARE YOU TWO CRAZY?!” Meowth boomed, viciously slashing James and Jessie’s face. “This is our big chance to prove ourselves and you two wanna give up because our new pokemon won’t cooperate?! Who’s da master, here?” He shouted, throwing his arms out in anger.

“Well, I guess we still are.” Jessie timidly muttered.

“You guess? WRONG ANSWER!” Meowth shouted and slashed her face again. “You ARE their masters! Don’t let some pokemon intimidate ya! Get tough and be a trainer! Now go and show them whose boss before I Slash-attack ya to death!” Meowth ordered, unveiling his sleek and sharp nine-inch nails.

“Yes, Meowth! Whatever you say!” Jessie and James obeyed and prepared to battle.

“Pika…” Pikachu sighed in disappointment.

“I can’t believe what I just witnessed… Do you two realize that you’ve just been 0wn3d?” Mario inquired.

“Silence, insolent pokemon!” James spit at Mario. “Go Weezing and Victreebell!”

“Weezing!” Weezing wheezed.

“EEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” Victreebell shrieked and swallowed James.

“NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS, VICTREEBELL!” James cried out from inside the Victreebell’s mouth.

“Oh my god… This is just pitiful.” Mario sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t even wanna fight anymore. Just make quick work of them, Pikachu.”

“Pika.” Pikachu agreed. “Piiiikaaaa…” He chanted as he built up a plethora of voltage from within him. Little shocks of lightning bolted out from his small, yellow body occasionally.

“Aww man. This is gonna be nasty. I don’t think you’ll be coming back from this one. I can’t even watch!” Mario taunted and turned his back to Team Rocket. The basement was suddenly bright enough to see every dark and dusty corner.

“CCCCCHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!” Pikachu boomed as a powerful surge of lightning busted from his body toward Team Rocket at the speed of light.

“No! I didn’t even get to send out my pokemon yet!” Jessie shouted as she curled into a ball in hopes of blunting the pain.

Now, since a bolt of lightning travels at the speed of light, Jessie wouldn’t have been able to say even half of “no”. But since she was able to articulate an entire sentence, you know that they had been saved somehow.

“PIKA?!” Pikachu squeaked in bewilderment.

“No way in nine hells! That’s just impossible!” Mario stammered as he stared in Team Rocket’s direction.


All of them: Jessie, James, Meowth, Weezing, and Victreebell were all holding each other, cowering from the fatal blast of electricity. What they didn’t realize was that all the electricity being sent toward them was being held still by an unseen force.

“I’m pretty sure we should be fryin’ to death by now. Ya think we’ve been saved somehow?” Meowth wondered.

The rest of Team Rocket pondered the same thought and wearily peeked their heads from within the tight circle they banded themselves in. To their incredible surprise, the thick and powerful bolt of lightning was frozen mere inches away from them.

“You guys aren’t doing that, are you?” Mario asked, still in astonishment of what he was witnessing.

“Are you joking? If we could stop lightning, then we’d be the bosses of Team Rocket!” James exclaimed.

<That’s exactly why I am your unquestioned dominator.> An unknown voice said. This voice wasn’t exactly heard by ear. This voice was heard inside of everyone’s head.

“That’s it. I’ve officially gone crazy. First, I see lightning literally stop right in front of you…” Mario explained, pointing at Team Rocket. “…and now I’m hearing voices. It’ll only be a matter of time before I start believing that I am actually a pokemon!”

<Your sanity is still intact. I am projecting my thoughts into your mind.> The voice said to Mario.

“You’re in for it now! That’s our boss speakin’ to ya!” Meowth said with a relieved smile.

“Boss! Look at the pokemon we caught for you! The one in the blue overalls is Mariomon. He’s a bit unruly, but he is very powerful.” James assured the unseen boss.

“And this is the Pikachu we’ve been after for years. He’s grown increasingly powerful with every encounter. I’m sure he won’t disappoint you.” Jessie added.

<I see. Leave us. Your efforts shall be rewarded later.> “The boss” ordered.

“Sure thing, boss.” Meowth obeyed as Team Rocket silently left the basement.

There was an uncomfortable silence immediately following. Mario and Pikachu frozen in fear, glancing every-so-often at the halted stream of electricity, expecting it to come out of suspension and electrocute them at any moment. Mario perspired nervously as he looked around the still illuminated basement, hoping to find the voice projector. Pikachu was very jittery, as if he knew who was speaking and mortally feared him.

<This is quite a surprise, Mario. Usually those blundering fools manage to thwart themselves in even the simplest of schemes. But they somehow managed to capture you. I did not expect to see you until I had succeeded in my plans for world domination. But I'm still prepared to deal with you. That is what people will never understand about psychics: knowing what happens before it happens is only half the gift. Knowing exactly what to do when the unexpected happens is the other half they neglect to realize.> The voice explained.

“Plans for world domination?” Mario stuttered. The voice in his head seemed somewhat familiar. He wanted to make sure it was who he thought it was. “Who are you?” He shakily asked.

The huge bolt of lightning began to dissipate into the air until it completely vanished. The only light in the room was coming from the gaping hole in the ceiling. From one of the dark corners of the basement, a pair of glowing, blue eyes could be seen staring at Mario and Pikachu. The eyes started to float closer and closer to them until they floated into the light. The eyes were accompanied by a body. This body was tall, with a long, purple tail, but seemed physically weak. Its legs were thick, like a kangaroo’s legs, its arms were of decent length, and its head resembled a cat’s head. Its purple eyes looked like they were full of knowledge, but seemed cold and indifferent.

“Mewtwo…” Mario weakly murmured as he stared in awe at the most powerful Psychic pokemon in existence. Pikachu simply squealed in fear.

“Pokemon originally were the dominant species of this world. Humans eventually came into existence and we were able to live on this planet together as equals.” Mewtwo began to foretell. “But as they evolved, they grew more power-hungry. When they realized that we had incredible fighting potential, they developed an unreasonable fear that we would try to enslave them to have them do our bidding. They began to invent pokemon-catching technology in order to enslave us: pokeballs. At first, humans would only apprehend us and keep us imprisoned in those pokeballs. But soon, they would start pitting us against each other for their own entertainment. Pokemon were fighting other pokemon for the benefit of humans. I refuse to idly sit by and let this continue. As the most powerful pokemon in existence, I’m going to do whatever I can in order to take our world back from the humans by any means necessary.” He concluded, clenching his fist in determination.

“It’ll never work! Pokemon and humans coexist very peacefully from what I’ve seen so far. Why would you want to screw up that balance? Think about what you just said. You’re blowing everything out of proportion!” Mario tried to reason with Mewtwo.

“Piii, pikachu!” Pikachu agreed.

“You would not understand. Despite what Jessie and James think, you are not a pokemon. We are the rightful heirs to the planet. Geologically, humans have not existed even half as long as we have. And yet, they have managed to put at least one of every known species of pokemon into captivity. We were not meant to abide to every human’s battle commands! We are more than mindless fighting vessels. We are individuals as well! I am fighting to make every pokemon realize this, and to let all humans know that what they are doing is wrong.” Mewtwo was getting deeply passionate about what he was saying. Mewtwo wasn’t planning on dominating the world for himself. He was planning on gaining the world back for all pokemon.

“That’s very noble, Mewtwo. I still don’t think it’s such a great idea to ruin the unity that exists between humans and pokemon.” Mario said.

“Well, I guess we are going to have to change your opinion then.” Mewtwo said.

“What do you mean?” Mario questioned as his heart skipped multiple beats.

He normally wouldn’t be so terrified of Mewtwo, since he had fought and beaten him in Super Smash Brothers Melee. What was different between then and now was that Mewtwo was in his natural world. When a “smash brother” was out of their home dimension, they could only use “smash tactics”. Smash tactics could be best understood as the fighting style the smasher used when they were in a Smash Brothers game. When a smasher was in their home dimension, not only could they use their smash tactics, but they could use any other special skill they knew in that dimension. For some smashers, the best skills they had were only smash tactics. However for smashers like Mewtwo, their power grew exponentially in their home world. Mario knew a lot of Mewtwo’s psychic powers were suppressed in Super Smash Brothers Melee. But now he was in Mewtwo’s world, where his powers were only limited by his mercy…

Mewtwo didn’t respond to Mario’s question. He had put his three thick, sphere-like fingers to his forehead and closed his eyes. It seemed as if he was in a deep trance, trying to telepathically communicate with someone. Suddenly, two more pairs of eyes appeared from the darkness. The first pair simply glowed a bright yellow and was quite squinted. The other pair of eyes glowed blood-red. This pair of eyes was accompanied by a wide, pearly-white smile. The two eyes floated into the light and revealed themselves: a Hypno and a Gengar.

“Why are they here? What are you going to do with us?” Mario demanded, steadily adding more courage into each question.

“These two are going to persuade you into helping me achieve my plan.” Mewtwo stated.

“Pika!” Pikachu peeped in defiance while shaking its head.

“Never! I’m not gonna help you, Mewtwo!” Mario also defied while slowly backing away from the intimidating pokemon group.

“Resistance is futile.” Mewtwo simply said as his eyes began glowing an icy blue.

“Gengar…” Gengar spoke as it began snickering.

The Gengar’s eyes began to glow blood-red and he began chuckling more. It slowly began creeping toward Mario and Pikachu. Both of them wearily started backing away.

“Mewtwo, what is it doing?” Mario asked, hoping to get an answer. Mewtwo simply watched with his intimidating, ice blue-glowing eyes.

“PIKACHU!” Pikachu suddenly shrieked and attacked Gengar with a Thunderbolt attack.

The swift bolt of lightning simply sailed straight through the ghost pokemon. This struck it as hilarious as it let out a deep-bellied guffaw while still closing the distance between itself and Mario and Pikachu. They were petrified, now that they saw no way to escape their grim situation.

Just then, it seemed like his imagination, but the room began to fade a bit. Mario rubbed one eye at a time in order to keep the unnerving Gengar in his sights. Rubbing his eyes only seemed to make things worse. Everything faded into a black abyss now, and Mario was the only one there.

“Where the hell am I? Hello?” Mario timidly called, terrified of his current ordeal.

Pikachu’s shrill cries abruptly tore through the black environment. Mario couldn’t see what was going on, but he could feel Pikachu’s fear. The cries continued for a short while, then ended as abruptly as they began. Fearful tension gripped Mario’s heart fiercely, as he awaited his fate.

He began to unconsciously think of Gengar and how it was laughing before he ended up in his infinitely dark prison. His mind began to wander as Gengar started doing other thing, such as literally running through his mind and licking random things with its lengthy tongue. Mario tried to think about something else, but to no avail. His mind was fixated on the Gengar. He violently shook his head to try to force himself to get his mind off of it, but still there was no success. Mario’s brain began to tingle and slowly felt more numb. He also found it hard to stay conscious. Then Mario came to a chilling realization: Gengar was literally in his mind, licking the innards of his brain! Mario knew about a Gengar’s paralyzing Lick attack and was officially frightened beyond comprehension.

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!” Mario bellowed as loud as he could.

He could still feel his brain grow more and more numb as he screamed. He held his head as he sunk to his knees and began to viciously pull at his hair. The combined feeling of numbness and pain was too much for what little brainpower Mario had left. He fainted frightened and alone in the deep, black abyss.

What seemed like hours later, Mario awakened in a room significantly brighter than the basement he was in before. The room had no windows, though. There was simply one door and lights on the ceiling. Mario tried to move his arms, but realized they were tied together! He was about to get up, but realized his legs were tied up too! He had been tied to a chair. A little while later, the door swung open, and in entered Hypno, Gengar, and Mewtwo.

“Where’s Pikachu?” Mario immediately demanded.

“Don’t worry about him. He’s fine. If I’m not mistaking, I think he will be joining our cause.” Mewtwo said with a slight smirk.

“Liar…” Mario muttered under his breath. “What did you do to me? My brain still feels numb…”

“That was quite a Nightshade attack, wasn’t it?” Mewtwo asked. “This Gengar can use a combination of attacks with her Nightshade. She prefers to be called Nightlaff. Her favorite combo only works on males, and is called Attractive Nightshade. First, she begins to laugh. Her opponent gets confused by her sudden outburst and doesn’t realize that she is using Attract. She then follows up with Nightshade and veils the opponent in a jet-black cloak of darkness. Still suffering from the effects of Attract, the opponent begins to unconsciously think of Nightlaff. This allows her to replace her adversary’s thoughts with her actual presence without the opponent noticing. Once inside their mind, she begins to use Lick to lick the innards. Combine that paralyzing Lick attack with pitch-black darkness from Nightshade, and you have an attack which ensues insanity and eventual unconsciousness.” Mewtwo explained as he smiled. “She was specially trained by me.”

“I’ll bet you’re real proud of yourself.” Mario answered sarcastically.

“Before we convince you to join our cause, we’ll still give you one last chance to convince yourself to join us.” Mewtwo offered.

“I’ve already decided. I’m not going to break the unity that exists between humans and pokemon!” Mario declared.

“You won’t break the bond, but I know someone deep within you that will.” Mewtwo said. “While you were unconscious, I scanned your mind in order to learn more about your past. You weren’t always the flawless hero everyone knows and respects…”

“That’s right. So what?” Mario nonchalantly replied, trying to keep his composure. “That’s in the past, which is way behind me. There’s no way I’m going back to those times.”

“Of course you aren’t. Not voluntarily at least. You are going to need a trigger. And that’s where my good friend, Torp comes in.” Mewtwo said while putting his hand on the Hypno’s back.

“Hypno…” Torp droned in a hypnotizing voice. Its voice seemed to echo itself.

“Let me give you a little background on his name. Torp is short for his full name: Torpor. There is actually a word in the English language known as torpor, which means lethargy or a state of unconsciousness resembling deep sleep. Isn’t it a coincidence that his name so-closely resembles what has mastered putting people in?” Mewtwo explained.

“Yeah, it’s real cute…” Mario replied with increasing sarcasm. “How come you didn’t come up with a clever name for yourself?”

“I am not too keen on giving myself an alias. I simply wish to be known as what I am: Mewtwo, the most powerful pokemon alive.” Mewtwo proclaimed, seemingly posing with his arms crossed.

“I guess you have a point…” Mario said.

“Let me give you some background on Torp, himself. Hypnos are masters at hypnosis. Torp, however, has never failed at taking absolute control of any individual’s mind. He almost managed to hypnotize even me! The key word is almost.” Mewtwo said.

“He’s going to try to hypnotize me with that pendulum thing?” Mario asked, looking at the hypnosis pendulum in Torp’s hand. “I’m no psychic, but I foresee complete and utter failure. What’s stopping me from closing my eyes and not paying attention to him?”

“You will have no choice but to look. I guarantee it.” Mewtwo promised as his eyes flashed blue.

“Hypno… Hypno…” Torp droningly repeated as he swung his pendulum back and forth in front of Mario’s eyes.

Mario simply closed his eyes and pointed his head down to the floor as Torp continued to drone. He continued to drone on for minutes on end. As frustrated as he should’ve been, Torp continued to patiently swing the pendulum and chant his pokemon name.

“Why don’t you give it up already? It’s obvious that I’m not gonna be opening my eyes anytime soon. I have my own quest to get back to anyway, so just let me go! I promise I won’t get involved after you release me.” Mario said with his eyes closed, while crossing his fingers behind him.

“I know you too well, Mario. You will try to fight me in order to keep the Pokemon world as it is now. I already know that I will be the victor, but you will be of so much more use if we joined forces.” Mewtwo replied. “And about you not opening your eyes anytime soon… Quite the contrary. You will be opening your eyes in ten seconds.”

“One… two… three…” Mario began counting; very confident that he wouldn’t be opening his eyes for anything.

As he began counting, he saw a pair of eyes and a familiar wide smile materialize in his mind. Slowly, a body began to form behind the smiling eyes and mouth. Much to Mario’s surprise, Nightlaff appeared in his mind again!

“OH MY GOD!!!” Mario shouted, still with his eyes closed.

“Did I forget to mention that Nightlaff can invade the mind of anyone who sees pitch-black?” Mewtwo said with a smirk. “Having her paralyze your brain once will only result in temporary unconsciousness. Having her paralyze your brain twice within the same day will result in permanent brain damage. You now have two choices: open your eyes and fall under Torp’s Hypnosis, or keep your eyes closed and let Nightlaff destroy vital brain tissue. Choose wisely.”

In his mind, Mario could see Nightlaff licking the innards of his brain. He felt the familiar numbness once again. As much as he didn’t want to be hypnotized, the last thing he wanted was to become brain-dead. Mario opened his eyes to face the still-droning Hypno.

“Hypno… Hypno…”

Mario caught a glimpse of the pendulum and involuntarily focused on it. He slowly felt himself going under the hypnosis pokemon’s control. Mario quickly shook it off and turned his head away from Torp. Torp slowly walked over to where Mario’s head turned and continued his mantra. Mario immediately turned to the opposite direction. Torp slowly chased his face and continued his Hypnosis.

“Why won’t you quit! It’s obvious I’m not gonna look at that thing long enough for you to hypnotize me!” Mario exclaimed and turned his face once again.

To his surprise, Torp was already standing there, repeating his mantra. Mario quickly turned to another direction, but Torp was standing there too! He began to frantically turn his head in any random direction, but Torp seemed to be standing wherever he looked! It was like he could multiply himself!

“You can’t be standing in more than one place! There’s only one of you!” Mario said in disbelief as he kept trying to avoid the omnipresent psychic pokemon.

“Torp knows a little move called Double Team. This allows him to make multiple copies of himself that do the same exact thing. This is why he is guaranteed to hypnotize you. It is impossible for you to avoid him. Unless you want to close your eyes, that is. But you know what will happen if you attempt it.” Mewtwo warned as Nightlaff uttered a demented chuckle.

Mario thought to himself and declared he officially had his nuts in a blender. If he closed his eyes to try to avoid Torp, Nightlaff would invade his mind and cause permanent brain damage. If he kept his eyes opened, he would be hypnotized by the droning Hypno. Even if he somehow managed to escape Torp and Nightlaff, Mewtwo would probably have a flawless plan to make sure everything went his way. With much reluctance, Mario turned to the Hypno directly in front of him and stared into his mesmerizing pendulum.

“It was only a matter of time before you realized resistance truly was futile. Do not fret, though. Hypnosis is a quick and painless process.” Mewtwo said.

Mario felt himself becoming stupefied as he gazed into the swinging pendulum. He still tried to fight off the drowsiness, but to no avail. The hypnosis spell was too strong. As Mario’s eyelids drooped, the last thing he saw was Mewtwo spinning around very rapidly while deviously chuckling (his taunt in SSBM). Soon, Mario was in a deep slumber.

During his siesta, he had a dream…

He was back in the Mushroom Kingdom, and fighting his way through Bowser’s castle in order to save Peach. This was the old-school Bowser’s Castle from Super Mario Bros. He finally made it to the final portion of the castle: the bridge where you had to fight King Koopa himself.

“Welcome to my humble home, Mario.” Bowser greeted. Fireballs jumped up from the pool of lava below the bridge.

“Cut the crap, Bowser!” Mario spat at Bowser, denying his welcome. “Since you and I both know that I’m going to win, I’ll make a deal with you. You personally walk Peach to me, and kiss her feet afterward as an apology for kidnapping her. Then maybe I’ll think about letting you live for another month.” He suggested.

“I have a better deal. How about I give you the finger…” Bowser stated as he flipped Mario the bird. “…and you kiss my ass for good measure.” He concluded while bending over.

“Bowser… You have got to be kidding me.” Mario muttered to himself as he stared at the most appalling scene in all of Mushroom Kingdom.

“Come on! You already went for half of the deal, so you might as well complete the transaction! Pucker up and put your lips on my left cheek. GWA HA HA!!!” Bowser taunted as he shook his disgusting groove-thang.

“I went for half the deal?! You just stuck your middle finger up at me! You know what? I will kiss your ass… WITH FIREBALLS!!!” Mario suddenly burst out and wildly shot numerous fireballs at Bowser’s scaly, green hide.

The volley of fireballs rocketed toward Bowser and hit him with surprisingly powerful force. He was knocked over onto his face as Mario continued to shower Bowser with more fireballs. Eventually, Bowser got knocked out by Mario’s great balls of fire, and he fainted as an upside-down shell and fell into the lava.

Mario then crossed the bridge and headed into the room where Peach was being held captive. She was sitting in a corner, crying her eyes out. When the door opened, she jumped up and armed herself with her trusty Frying Pan.

“Peach? I’m here to rescue you!” Mario called into the room before entering.

“Mario? Is it really you?” She called back, still weary and clutching her Frying Pan tighter.

“There’s only one Mario, isn’t there?” Mario responded, peeking his head into the room.

When Peach saw Mario’s face, her eyes lit up as she realized she would be safe now. She ran out of the room and into Mario’s arms.

“Oh Mario… I thought you wouldn’t come to rescue me this time.” Peach muttered, obviously embarrassed that she managed to get kidnapped again.

“I don’t care if this was the thousandth time you were kidnapped! This would just be the thousandth time I rescued you.” Mario said while looking into her eyes. He honestly meant it.

“Mario…” Peach softly murmured as she bought her face closer to Mario’s.

Mario closed his eyes and prepared to lay a smooth kiss on Peach’s lips. They spent a good while kissing each other until something seemed off. Mario waved it off at first, but things went from bad to worse. At first, the kiss was literally sweet and peachy (meaning it tasted peachy!), but then it tasted humid and murky. You could even say it tasted poisonous! He was seconds away from vomiting all over Peach! He opened his eyes to see what was going on. Mario was beside himself in livid consternation when he saw what he was now kissing… The very same Hypno that had hypnotized him: Torp!

WHAT THE FUCK?!!!? What happened to Peach?! Where did he come from?! How the hell did I go from kissing someone so beautiful, to something so hideous? WHY IS HIS BREATH SO BAD?!!!?

All these questions zoomed through Mario’s head like a wild Bullet Bill. He tried to pull his face away from Torp’s, but he had him in a lethal lip-lock! The more he struggled, the more sucked-in his lips felt. When Mario thought of that particular feeling, his heart skipped a beat when he considered this thought: could Torp be trying to eat him?

Mario’s question was answered when his head suddenly ended up inside the Hypno’s mouth. He began to scream and battle his way out of the Hypno’s mouth. There was no success in his efforts. Soon, Torp completely consumed him. Somehow, instead of ending up deep within the bowels of his stomach, Mario was falling into a deep, black, and seemingly endless hole. He fell for what seemed like hours until he finally landed onto solid ground. He got up and looked around his surroundings. There was nothing but black. He felt exactly like he did when Nightlaff used Nightshade on him. Suddenly, an enormous smile formed in the darkness. This smile was also accompanied by glowing, red eyes. Blood-red eyes…

“Nightlaff…” Mario frightfully shuddered. He had developed a healthy fear of Nightlaff ever since she rendered his brain useless after their first encounter.

The female Gengar began giggling. The giggling soon matured into snickering. The snickering soon developed into laughter. The laughter then mutated into boisterous guffaws. Nightlaff was laughing so hard, the ground began to quake below Mario’s feet. He had no idea what was going to happen next. Nightlaff continued her bellowing laughter; her mouth growing bigger and wider as she laughed herself stupid. Soon, her mouth stretch as far as Mario could see. It even stretched out behind him! As the mouth stretched out, the environment began to change. Slowly, more light began to fill the room and the surroundings became recognizable. Then, the sinister cackling finally stopped. Mario checked his surroundings once again and immediately realized where he was: back in Bowser’s Castle.

This time, Bowser’s Castle had a 3-D feel to it. This 3-D feel was similar to the way it was back in Super Mario RPG. Mario left the very first room of the castle and headed into a room full of Terrapins. He stomped each and every one of them with relative ease by executing a few elementary one-two punch combos. After he cleared out that room, he entered the next room: a bridge over a boiling pool of liquid magma which led to a big, red door. Mario easily ran over the bridge and opened the red door. Before stepping foot into the next room, part of the bridge collapsed, leaving a gap too wide for Mario to jump across. There was no turning back now. He had no choice but to move on into the next room.

The next room seemed like the throne room, judging by the two chandeliers that hung from the ceiling. Mario expected to find Bowser and Peach as soon as he walked in. Instead, the room was completely empty! Mario ran to the end of the room and looked around. To his left: nothing. To his right: nothing. Mario had no idea where else they could be. Just when he was about to exit the room to see if there was something he missed, he felt a drop of water fall onto his hatless head. He looked up to see Peach (who was crying like a baby once again) dangling way above him by a rope! He also saw Bowser on top of one of the chandeliers, chuckling to himself. Mario took the initiative and jumped up to the other vacant chandelier.

“Don’t let Bowser bruise you, Mario!” Peach shouted as she slightly swung higher-still above Mario and Bowser.

“Mario! Prepare yourself for the great beyond!” Bowser threatened as he assumed fighting position.

Mario and Bowser then went at it, RPG-style. Each took turns trying to knock the crap out of each other. With Mario being the speedier character, he landed way more hits than Bowser did. Bowser’s hits were also noticeably weak. Mario continued to pound away at Bowser, but Bowser never faltered. He continued to fight as if he were at full health. Mario couldn’t figure out how to beat him.

“Mario! The chain! Aim for the chain!” Peach shrieked from above.

Mario then looked at the chain behind Bowser. It was holding up the chandelier Bowser was standing on! Mario thought that maybe if he attacked the Kinklink chain, it would release the chandelier and leave Bowser to fall to his doom!

Mario then used his special Jump attack to jump on the chain. He landed a solid hit on Kinklink and the chain began to loosen its grip on Bowser’s platform! Bowser countered by shooting a spike from his spiky shell straight at Mario. This didn’t faze Mario in the least bit. He jumped on the chain once again and a thunderous clap echoed throughout the throne room. The Kinklink began losing the strength to support the combined weight of Bowser and the chandelier.

“What was that sound?” Bowser wondered, looking around to see where it came from. He turned around to see Kinklink struggling to hold on to the chandelier. “N…n…NO!! It’s a chain reaction!!” Bowser shouted as he angrily jumped around. “Hang on, Kinklink!”

Bowser’s words of encouragement couldn’t keep the chain from holding on. It released the chandelier and it, as well as Bowser plummeted to the castle floor.

“Eyaaaaaaa!!” Bowser screamed as he fell to the bottom.

Mario spun around and held up a peace sign as a victory pose.

“Coming, Mario?” Bowser’s voice suddenly rang out.

Mario looked down and saw a hammer flying up toward the chain supporting his chandelier. It clonked the chain powerfully and the chain began to lose its grip on the chandelier. Mario frantically began to scramble, trying to help the chain maintain its hold.

“Fight, Mario! FIGHT!!” Peach shouted, encouraging Mario to stay safe on the platform.

“This should FINISH you!” Bowser shouted from below and hurled another hammer at the already-struggling Kinklink.

The hammer struck and forced the chain to let go, leaving Mario to plummet to his doom as well. Mario peered over the edge of the falling chandelier. It was a LONG way down. Mario’s chandelier caught up to Bowser and they had a stare-down.

“Mwa ha! Did you think I was just gonna GIVE her to ya?” Bowser chortled. “You’re ALWAYS in my way! This is IT! I’m gonna take you out, Mario!” Bowser declared.

With that, he jumped toward Mario’s platform. Mario jumped off his platform and bounced on Bowser’s head in order to perform an ULTRA jump up to where Peach was. Bowser was easily trounced and left to his impending doom once again.

“Fungah! Foiled again!” Bowser cried as he dropped like a stone to the castle floor.

Mario soared upward toward the Kinklink near the dangling Princess Peach.

“Oh Mario… You had me so worried!” Peach admitted as Mario swung his chain near Peach and finally grabbed her to set her free.

“You don’t need to worry about me! It’s not like I was dealing with anyone dangerous. This is Bowser were talking about!” Mario said to Peach as they hung from the Kinklink chain so high above the castle floor.

“Thank you for saving me!” Peach gratefully stated.

“Think nothing of it, baby!” Mario responded with a big smile.

“But our Princess is in another castle!” Peach quickly added with her voice suddenly sounding more high and croaky. Almost like a Toad’s voice…

“WHAT?!” Mario shouted in rage.

Peach grabbed her long and full blond hair and pulled it over her face. Then her whole upper half of her body seemed to collapse! The only thing that was left was Toad standing with Mario on the chain!

“Thank you, Mario! But our Princess is in another castle! So get to looking for her!” Toad ordered and shoved Mario off the chain. “Bye bye!”

“TOAD, YOU BASTARD!!!” Mario shouted as he plunged down toward the hard, stone castle tiling.

Mario fell for what seemed like eons until he finally smashed into the cold, hard floor. He landed with exorbitant force, but was not injured in any way from the impact. After getting over the shock that he wasn’t dead from such a fall, he got up on his feet. He suddenly realized that he was no longer in Bowser’s Castle. In fact, he was back in the middle of nowhere! Somehow, he was able to differentiate this place from the other limitless oblivions he had ended up that day. It reminded him of when he met with the strange character dressed in a blue hood and cloak. Instinctively, Mario turned to his right and there stood the same exact person. It seemed like he was in the middle of a sentence.

“…I’m only here to warn you about things to come. Remember, one will save the world and the other will destroy it. Which one are you, Mario?”

Mario would finally be able to complete his thought and hopefully get more information about what would become of him.

“I’m the one that will save the world!” Mario stated, very confident in what he believed. The blue-hooded figure’s face seemed to disagree. “Geno… I am the one that will save the world, aren’t I?” Mario asked.

Mario’s cloaked companion simply turned his back to him. With Geno’s reluctance to give a definite answer, Mario began to lose confidence that he was the one the world would embrace.

“Geno…” Mario muttered, now afraid of the answer.

“Because of you…” Geno began with a hint of anger in his voice. “…the world will live in fear. Because of you, the Star Road will be shattered once again. Because of you, the world as we know it will fall into darkness, never to experience any type of happiness again.” He stammered while fighting to confine the tone of pure contempt in his voice.

“Geno, you know I would never let anything like that happen. I love the world as much as you do. If you help me, I’m sure we can…” Mario began, but was immediately interrupted by Geno pointing his Star Wand directly at his face.

“I came to you in your dreams in hopes of possibly keeping this from happening. Awareness is the first step in prevention, or so I believed. I honestly thought I would make a difference by letting you know of your future, but the more I spoke to you, the more I realized this would all be in vain. Fate is inevitable…” Geno said to Mario. “You will be dealing with forces you never dealt with before. Yes, some of them will be old foes, but they will be reborn with powers that even you won’t be able beat. But then again, you won’t have to worry about it. You’ll be fighting alongside them.”

Mario was speechless. He never thought in a million years that he would be fighting for the forces of evil. He couldn’t even comprehend how this would happen. Everything was just too much for him to bear.

“There is still one way you can be stopped. It’s drastic, but I have no other choice.” After Geno said this, he raised his arms, along with his wand, up. The air around him became sparkly. It seemed as if he was powering up.

“What are you going to do?” Mario asked, becoming weary of Geno’s actions.

A red, star-shaped aura formed around Geno’s body as he completed his powering-up process. He then stared at Mario menacingly, but even as Geno glared at Mario, there was a very slight hint of regret for what he was about to do.

Geno horizontally swung his Star Wand toward Mario. A disk-shaped beam formed and tore through the air on a crash-course with Mario’s body! Mario was frozen with fear as he recognized this technique knowing exactly what it could do. The beam hit Mario and sailed straight through his belly. As soon as the beam touched Mario, Geno nodded and a thunderous clap was rang in Mario’s ears. He had just been hit by the almighty timed Geno Whirl.

After the attack was over, Mario and Geno faced stared at each other momentarily. Mario’s eyes were wide with bewilderment, while Geno’s were solemn and serious.

Suddenly, Mario felt a paralyzing, sharp pain at his abdomen. It felt like he was being torn apart! He doubled over in agony as his upper-half literally began to separate from his lower-half. Soon, Mario fell in two separate pieces. Mario felt his life fading away fast as he weakly glanced at his lower-half, which was unnaturally perpendicular to his upper-half. Then he pitifully looked up to the still-solemn Geno. Mario struggled to ask why, but he barely had enough strength left to move his lips.

“This was for the better, Mario…” Geno lowly muttered, turning his back to him and walking off into the far reaches of oblivion.

During his final moments, Mario became consumed by a rage he never felt before.

How could he do this to me? After all we’ve been through together… I’m not even “evil” yet. There was still time to try to keep anything from happening! But he left me for dead…

Mario meditated on those thoughts during his final moments. Soon, he began slipping into an irreversible coma. He knew he wasn’t coming back from this one. A tear fell from his eye as he thought about his original journey and how he wouldn’t be able to complete it. He even thought about Luigi, and regretted sealing up the entrance to that warp-pipe so long ago...

Maybe if he was here with me, none of this would be happening, he thought.

Finally, his heart stopped. Mario fell limp and lifeless, alone in the huge black void, and closed his eyes.

It hadn’t even been a minute when an intense snapping sound echoed in Mario’s ears. His heart jumped and started beating again. Excited by his second chance at life, he opened his eyes. He found himself in Mewtwo, Torp, and Nightlaff’s presence once again. He was still sitting in the chair he had been bounded too, but he had been untied. He felt his abdomen to see if he had really been cut in half, but was relieved when there was no sign any fatal wound. When he checked himself out, he was surprised to find himself dressed up as a doctor…

“I’m quite impressed with your mind capacity, Mario. Not everyone can awaken as easily as you after having Dream Eater and Nightmare used on them simultaneously. You would actually make a decent psychic.” Mewtwo complimented.

“Why am I dressed like this?” Mario asked, still checking out his new attire.

“For your new identity! Your new identity as Dr. Mario: Prescriber of Doom.” Mewtwo declared.

“I wanted to forget about my days as a doctor. I don’t know what I was thinking back then. So many malpractices… So many lost cases… People lost so much faith in me. The scariest part is that I think I liked causing so much grief to everyone.” Mario recounted.

“Even though you’re in his attire, you’re still not in the same state of mind as your alter ego. This is what is necessary to complete the transformation…” Mewtwo said, and put his three fingers to his forehead.

A moment later, Pikachu scampered in with a doll. He ran up to Mewtwo and held the doll up to him. Mewtwo then took control with his mind and floated it up to Mario. Mario’s stomach uneasily turned as he recognized the doll. It was the same doll Geno used as a body. He still vividly remembered what happened in his dream.

Suddenly, Pikachu attacked the doll with a Thundershock. Mewtwo then manipulated the Thundershock into the hands of the doll and made it seem as if the Geno doll was attacking Mario with an electric attack! Mario’s heart began to accelerate as his seemed like his old friend was attacking him again. He still couldn’t believe Geno had used Geno Whirl on him in his dream. It felt so real... The pain he felt was indescribable, both physically and mentally. Now he was back to try to finish him off. As irrational as this sounded, Mario truly believed this. He was truly distraught by the dream. Even though the attack barely hurt, the simple fact that a Geno doll was trying to cause him harm made him snap.

Mewtwo saw in Mario’s eyes that something was different about him. He stopped the doll from attacking and motioned Pikachu to cut the electricity. He stood directly in front of Mario and stared him in the eye.

“Mario, how do you feel?” Mewtwo asked.

“No one understands what it’s like to have your best friend out to kill you. When they say they can relate or they feel sorry for you, they’re not being sincere. They’re only offering empty condolences. They’ll never understand the pain until it happens to them…” Mario muttered, staring at the floor. “Everyone has to know what it’s like to fight the ones they thought loved them. Everyone has to feel the grief I feel once their pokemon are no longer by their side.” He stated, looking up at Mewtwo with an intense, but troubled, glare.

<Even though you won’t believe it, I feel your pain. Join me, Mario. Together, we will see to it that all humans thoroughly understand your anguish.> Mewtwo projected into Mario’s mind, and only Mario’s mind.

“I’m with you one hundred percent, Mewtwo.” Mario stated, reaching his hand out to Mewtwo. Mewtwo responded to Mario’s gesture by reaching out as well and shaking his hand.

Mewtwo’s plan had just taken one giant leap forward in its success. Not only did he have three incredibly powerful pokemon by his side: Torp the Hypno, Nightlaff the Gengar, and Pikachu the… Pikachu… and his own spectacular psychic powers at his disposal, he also had the powerful and experienced Mario on his side. Even though he was in his doctor-form, he was still as dangerous as ever. Perhaps even more dangerous…

“Tonight, we begin planning for the Pokemon Rebellion.” Mewtwo said, holding his hand up and flashing his eye’s blue.

The entire room suddenly became distorted, and the walls and ceiling began to fade away. Mewtwo, Torp, Nightlaff, Pikachu, and Mario were now standing on the roof of Viridian City’s Gym. It was night time as all five of them stared off the roof and over the moonlight-drenched city.

“Sleep well, Kanto, and enjoy your final days as being masters of Pokemon.” Mewtwo hissed as they continued to stare into the night.
________
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Just a quick word before I disappear.

TENLAIUS

Link and Luigi aren't in this particular portion of the story. The reason why: this is an alternate timeline that Link created when he messed with the Song of Time in the Green Hill Zone.

The side-effects of time-travel, baby.

Go back and re-read the last part of Act 7, if you don't get it. A few other readers got confused, too, when I started writing about Mario with no Link and/or Luigi.

[Tenlaius]

so this is the past mario? and link,mario,and luigi are still a Mute City? Ok...I was thinking single tracked atm

[Dead Sexy Vocab]

Ooooh, it's gonna be a Pok'e orgy soon.

[ZeekeXIV]

A Saturday update, this time. It's also a long chapter, so bear with me.
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Act 9: So Close, Yet So Far (Part 1)

Mario, Luigi, and Link stared flabbergasted as they watched the speeding machines of death zip toward them at incomprehensible speeds.

“This is insanity! We’re literally in the middle of an F-Zero Grand Prix!” Luigi shouted.

“We’re gonna get brutalized! Look at how narrow the road is!” Mario said, looking side-to-side. “It’s only a matter of time before one of those cars plow through us!” Mario added.

“Well, speak of the devil…” Link muttered, looking ahead as a huge turquoise-blue vehicle was heading straight towards them!

“Holy damn!” Luigi screamed. “Somebody, DO SOMETHING!!!”

“Quick! Gather around!” Link ordered.

Mario and Luigi huddled closer to Link as he suddenly started doing random poses. The brothers stared at Link in disbelief, and then glanced at the still-speeding vehicle coming to claim their lives.

“I guess we all should do one last pose before that machine comes to finish us.” Luigi suggested and joined Link in his posing.

“NAYRU’S LOVE!!!” Link burst out, with his arms stretched to the sky.

Suddenly a blue, diamond-shaped aura surrounded Link and the Mario brothers. Despite the direness of their situation, the environment inside the diamond felt calm and safe. All three of them looked through the aura, straight at the F-Zero machine, which was seconds from impact. They braced themselves for impact…

*ULTIMATE CRASH*

The machine slammed directly into the protected trio. Mario, Luigi, and Link were perfectly fine. They didn’t even falter! The same couldn’t be said about the F-Zero vehicle and its driver, though. The machine was completely destroyed, with its front-side crunched and unrecognizable. The driver crashed through the windshield, and was stuck in it.

“Nayru’s Love, huh? That’s one strong move, Link.” Mario said.

“Seriously, I had no idea it was that strong. I usually use it to protect myself from them renegade Peahats that chill out by the Spirit Temple.” Link explained.

“C’mon now. It’s named after one of your Goddesses. Of course the love of a Goddess would be strong!” Luigi exclaimed.

“This is true.” Mario agreed. “Let’s see if we can ask anyone for help.”

“How about Captain Falcon? He should be around here somewhere.” Link said and started walking away from the dismantled vehicle with Mario following.

“Wait a sec, what about that guy?” Luigi said, pointing to the driver hanging out of the windshield.

“I dunno…” Link said, still walking from the vehicle. “He’s lookin’ kinda…”

“Dead?” Mario quickly added.

“I was tryin’ to think of a nicer word, but that’s undeniably true. I think we should get outta here before people makin’ a connection between us and this murked-up machine.” Link suggested.

“How exactly are they going to do that? We’re seemingly normal people in the middle of an F-Zero track…” Mario paused. “Wait a second… We’re still in the middle of an F-Zero race!” Mario realized.

As soon as he said that, the heap of scrap metal that used to be an F-Zero machine got pushed forward by an unknown force. It sped dangerously fast toward Link, Mario, and Luigi. The three tried to outrun the seemingly possessed vehicle.

“Link! For the love of Nayru, use Nayru’s Love!” Luigi shouted, running from the machine and toward Link.

“I don’t have enough time to pose!” Link shouted back.

“Do it now, or pose in the afterlife!” Mario warned, looking back at the hunk of metal closing in on them.

“Fine! Get close!” Link ordered. Mario and Luigi grabbed onto his tunic. “Nayru’s Love!” Link exclaimed once again.

The protective blue barrier surrounded the trio. This time, the environment inside the diamond did not feel as safe as it did the last time he used the power. The tension from the situation they were in followed them into the protective barrier. Just then, the conglomeration of scrap collided with Nayru’s Love. Instead of the crew being able to effortlessly hold their ground, they were violently jerked back, almost off their feet. The blue diamond still kept the former F-Zero machine from massacring the trio.

“WHOA! That wasn’t supposed to happen! What gives, Link?!” Luigi demanded.

“Believe it or not, those random poses show my love for Nayru. The more poses I do, the stronger the barrier. I’m surprised the shield jus’ didn’t shatter when that thing crashed into us.” Link explained as the shield faded away.

“Maybe it’s because we were here to back you up.” Mario thought aloud.

“Maybe… But what made that thing move forward?” Luigi wondered.

The question was answered immediately when another F-Zero machine flew over the crashed machine before them. That particular machine was a lot smaller than the one they were facing now.

“Those things come in all shapes and sizes, don’t they?” Mario muttered.

Suddenly, an explosion was heard and a great ball of fire jumped from the back of the destroyed machine. This was followed by another explosion, accompanied by some raining debris and shrapnel. The huge mass of scrap was lurched forward yet again.

“Will it ever end?!” Luigi whined loudly.

“Nayru’s Love!” Link shouted out for the third time.

The situation felt as tense and dire as ever as the three huddled together in the protective diamond. The car slammed into the barrier with amazing force. The trio was knocked off their feet by the impact. The mass didn’t stop moving this time. It looked like it was about to run over them!

“NO!!!” Mario screamed and jumped up from the floor.

He attempted to literally hold the machine back with his own strength along with the power of Nayru’s Love. Although the idea was farfetched, it seemed to be working! The crumpled mass of metal seemed to slow down as Mario tried to hold it back. Suddenly, another explosion was seen from behind and the machine lurched forward again. Mario was struggling to hold his ground as the machine was overpowering him and the barrier. Link and Luigi jumped up and joined Mario in his resistance. This plan seemed to work for the time being, but how long would they be able to keep it up?

“What the hell is goin’ on back there?!” Link shouted, struggling to keep the machine from crushing him and his comrades.

“Did you forget where we are? We’re in the middle of an F-Zero race!” Mario started to explain. “We’re on a narrow road, and this particular machine is huge! Therefore, there’s no way to avoid it here! All the racers behind this guy are crashing into him!”

“A 30-car pile-up… This won’t end well…” Luigi groaned, while continuing to stand and hold the machine back.

This continued for a minute more, as explosions were heard and seen, and shrapnel rained down onto the protective diamond. Gradually, the explosions were heard less often and the shrapnel stopped falling. Then, all was quiet…

“You think it’s over?” Luigi shakily asked, still keeping his eye on the crashed machine.

“It sounds like it is. I haven’t heard an explosion for a while.” Mario answered, backing away from the pile scrap metal.

“Let’s check it out.” Link said, as Nayru’s Love began to fade away.

He climbed on top of the crashed machine, and the others followed. They all gasped as they looked at the scene behind the first F-Zero Machine. It was wall-to-wall death. Every single machine they saw was mangled beyond comprehension. None of them saw any possible way that any of the drivers could survive after all that.

“Okay… So who’s gonna take the rap for this?” Link asked.

“You are.” Luigi answered, looking at Link.

“Me?! Why me?!” Link asked again, shocked at Luigi’s response.

“You’re the one that started this whole thing!” Luigi shot back.

“Hey, I didn’t know you wanted to get splattered all over the pavement! Weren’t you the one who was screamin’ ‘somebody, DO SOMETHING’?” Link asked.

“There will be plenty of time to argue over who started this later. Right now, we have to worry about what we’re going to do now.” Mario said.

“I know exactly what we’re gonna do now: run like hell!” Link exclaimed.

“Not possible…” Luigi muttered as he looked back in front of the first crashed machine.

A huge crowd of people were standing there, staring at the out-of-place trio. The crew had to be nearly 30-people deep. Needless to say, they didn’t look happy. Some racers were talking amongst themselves, while others were looking at Link, Mario, and Luigi.

“We’re gonna get jumped now, aren’t we?” Link inquired, already fearing the answer.

“So how do our cars look?” One of the people asked. This particular racer was Roger Buster.

“Do you really want to know the answer? Let’s just say a junkyard would look better than what’s behind us.” Luigi assured the angry mob.

“We knew this was going to happen one day. All because of this fat bastard’s refusal to adhere to the F-Zero regulations!” Another racer shouted angrily, pointing at the driver hanging from the windshield. This racer was simply known as Dr. Clash.

“Hey, have some respect for the dead…” Luigi muttered.

“Dead? Who’s dead?” Two racers asked. This was Gomar and Shioh.

“Isn’t it obvious? I mean, look at him.” Mario muttered, looking at the unconscious driver.

“Trust us, he’s fine. Did you notice the size of him? This guy is so huge; his uncontrollable fat probably absorbed the shock of the crash. Just mention that he’ll be paying for this entire mishap and he’ll be up on his feet again.” A racer said. This was a unique racer who looked exactly like a skeleton. He was known as The Skull.

“WHAT?!” The racer of the first crashed machine suddenly jumped from his spot in the windshield, and down to the floor. Despite all he’s been through, he was perfectly fine!

“Oh snap, he lives!” Link gasped. “Man, you weren’t lyin’. That guy is probably bigger than my house back in Kokiri Forest!”

“You heard right, Don. This whole mess is your fault. At the last F-Zero Convention, we told you to take that thing off the road! I don’t know who you bribed to keep that contraption running, but this is the last straw! This is the worst crash I’ve ever seen! And that’s saying a lot, seeing that I’ve been around since F-Max.” The Skull said, pointing his literally bony finger right at Don’s forehead.

“This accident is in no way, shape, or form my fault! It was these three losers right here!” Don shouted angrily, glaring at Link, Mario, and Luigi. “They suddenly appeared out of nowhere! My Fat Shark should have plowed right through these suckers, but they pulled out some blue diamond thing and I crashed right into it!”

“I’ll be the first to admit that it is kinda strange that these three are in the middle of the road like this…” Another racer, Antonio Guster, said. “But I seriously doubt they were able to stop that huge conglomeration you call an F-Zero racer. Especially with a blue diamond.”

“Yeah! We feared for our lives! We thought it was all over…” Link added, trying to sound as helpless as possible.

“But then, he tried to swerve to avoid us. The road was too thin, though. He dragged the front of his car long the barrier and flipped out, stopping mere inches before smashing us into unrecognizable puddles of human goop.” Luigi explained, making up the scenario as he went along.

“I see. Well, it’s settled. Don Genie, I hereby place you solely responsible for this accident. You must pay for all repairs for every machine involved in this mishap. I will immediately contact the F-Zero regulators about this. If you fail to comply, you will be banned from every F-Zero Grand Prix following this.” The racer known as Lily Flyer announced.

“Are you serious? No 14-year-ol