The Classic Failure to Reciprocate.

[Sock Full of Boiled Dimes]

Like in Az's Mating Rituals-IV I am sorta dating this girl who has a complete failure to reciprocate. Let me please explain in vein attempts of not being too melodramatic.

I myself have to call this girl to talk or set up dates. I never receive phone calls from her. Never to hang out and never to even say hi. To me this makes it look like she isn't interested and I am going to take it that way if I am the only one who calls. I know where the "please take a hint comes" because I had that happen a few times.

I can dig it if she is not interested in me and can move on, but I do not like being dragged along a little string and frankly it pisses me off. The only way I'll be relieved is if she sucks my face off or tells me she wants to be "just friends" either way the situation will be good, but this uncertainty SUCKS!

I am my own worst enemy and the more I think about it the more I am going to say "the hell with it."

The last time I talked to her was last week and we have a date set up for Friday. That was last week and I haven't heard anything from her. There is the added factor that she does have a job.

I am thinking about giving it up and shoving off to find somewhere else. This uncertainty just pisses me off.

[NERD]

The lack of response from the girl does not sound like a positive thing at all. If you don't feel there's much progress between you two, I say it's time to move on. I mean, the gal's gotta show some response, like you said.

[Komachi Angel]

I have been in this situation before myself.

There are a variety of things I could say about it, but be careful as I don't entirely know your situation. Generally speaking, however:

- Some people like it when one side does all the chasing, kind of like a power game to get the other person to act.

- Don't feel dependant on her. If she doesn't call, try not calling her and wait until she rings. If she doesn't, I think she has some problems.

- Try talk about it - 'I feel as though I am the only one putting in any effort into this relationship' and see what she says about that. Maybe she doesn't realise (long shot, but hey).

- It is possible that she is way too comfortable. Maybe it is because she knows that as soon as she shows interest, she gets it, etc. Shake her up a bit, but gently.

If it comes down to it, you don't need to go out with someone that doesn't show much interest. Even after making all the best attempts, I know I certainly wouldn't keep going - there are plenty more people out there that will show interest in you.

It's harsh, but when it comes down to it, you could be having a lot more fun and a deeper relationship with someone else instead of going for someone that doesn't seem to know what they want. If you really like her, try approach her and work out the problem. If that fails, it may be best to move on.

[Psychochink]

Is this the chick you were talking about back in your 'knocking over the portapotty' post?

[CNagy]

There is always the possibility that you've proven time and time again that you will take up the burden of planning. When you offer to drive your friends around a few times, you become the driver. When you plan a few outings, you become the planner, etc. Sounds like you firmly placed yourself in this role.

The other alternative is that she has no real interest in you outside of your convenience, since she seems to have an otherwise full life (work and whatnot.)

[Sock Full of Boiled Dimes]

Is this the chick you were talking about back in your 'knocking over the portapotty' post?

Yes, sadly, yes.

I honestly don't care that much anymore. I'm an inch from deciding it isn't worth it anymore and am about to cut all froms of communications from her.

Dating is like Monopoly and women own all Utilities, Railroads, and Boardwalk+Parkplace. I landed in Jail...do not pass Go do not collect 200 dollars.

Anyway I'm going to take a winter break from messing with women. My best friend is coming from college and I'll probably hang out with him for the winter break.That way I can whine and moan to him about my problems and you guys don't have to hear another peep outta me.

Be thankful I don't go on a tagent on how women are evil.

[Trump]

Call her as ofter as she calls you. Otherwise, call once a week or so. If she gets upset that you haven't called say "oh, I thought you were busy because you never called."

But really, if you don't like the relationship, get out.

[Sock Full of Boiled Dimes]

I feel retarded now. I'm not kidding...she called to just see whats up.

Irony kills me.

[mangamuscle]

Call me crazy, call me lunatic, call me perverse, but what stops you from talking with her in an adult fashion and telling how you feel about the "Failure to Reciprocate" situation? IMHO opinion the best would be to talk about it face to face, but hey, I am a raving lunatic, see, I am going back to my cushioned room, nothing to see here, move along, move along.

[mawande]

I feel retarded now. I'm not kidding...she called to just see whats up.

Irony kills me.

How sure are you that, with your need to feel reciprocated, you are demanding more than is reasonable for the current stage of your interactions with her? *commercial for the Devilman special... intense*

Hey, I've been single for about seven years now. One person sent me a message earlier this year mourning that he didn't have a sweetheart and it was Valentine's Day. I responded that I felt the opposite. "It's Valentine's Day, and I'm not afflicted with a boyfriend who may be making my life a misery! It's so nice!" Then he got indignant and complained that women wave around their ability not to need someone (he's homosexual).

Yeah, right. Not putting myself through relationship-hell does not equal not needing anyone. Heck, I've a teenage son, three cats, a dog, *counts* eighteen gerbils, a salamander, a betta fish and Sea Monkeys. It's not like I have that because I'm bored. Okay, it is because I'm bored. But that's partly because I have no sweetheart. Nor a horrendous pain and drag on my life.

[more cheerios]

You really don't have anywhere else to turn, do you?
This is your second relationship thread here. O_O

[Lettuce]

Listen to mangamuscle. Take into consideration that she perhaps has very little dating experience. I'll assume that you both are young, and dating doesn't come naturally. No one tells you how to do it. It's awkward and particularly for younger people, there's an extreme lack of communication in fear of scaring the other off.

I'll never forget my first boyfriend's openness and straightforward manner. He taught me so much about relationships. You see, when we first began dating, I did the same thing you're experiencing with this girl. He would call me regularly, but I never called him unless it was just to return an answering machine message. But I never called on my own. I was so naive; I just didn't know how to date.

Mainly, I would just follow his lead, but two weeks into "dating," and him calling me every other day (and me never reciprocating), he told me he wished I would reciprocate and call him. He also asked if I was interested, and if not, then he would leave me alone. Of course, I realized my naiveté and shyness was killing my chances so I immediately took the initiative and explained I was sorry and that I did want to continue seeing him. From there the relationship continued being 50/50 as all lines of communication were open. It ended up we dated for two years. :)

You need to tell her what she's doing wrong- nicely. If she can't accept it, then her loss and you move on.

[General_Admission]

*stuff*

Stop posting about your lame love life in General Discussion. Nobody cares.

[Sock Full of Boiled Dimes]

Stop posting about your lame love life in General Discussion. Nobody cares.

You obviously care enough to post a response.

[Bob]

Stop posting about your lame love life in General Discussion. Nobody cares.


Care so little that you posted to tell everyone how little you care, right?

[mawande]

Yes, obviously we need a Love-Life section to make GA happy.