Just out of Curiosity

[Idlethought]

At what point do chicks draw the line between being nice and being sexually harassing? The reason I ask is because personally, I'm tryin to be more open lately and talk to chicks and make some friends and all that good stuff. Sometimes it takes a long time to gather the balls to even say hi to a girl and *so far* when I've done it I havent been blown off as being an asshole. Hell for the most part we end up in conversation, like the other day. I was standin outside at the bus stop and it was cold. I saw a chick there and she was just a lovely darkskinned beauty and I wanted to say hi and what not but I didnt wanna sound like a lame doin it.

SO I ended up saying nothing for like half the bus ride. Just lookin at her thinkin of what to say. Now before I go on would and of the chicks here consider someone staring at you without saying something to you a form of harassment or anything? Just wonderin. Eventually I opened conversation with "excuse me, I was just wondering. How come you look so sad?" And she laughed and whatnot and we got into talkin and we talked all the way to her class building. She seemed to think it was alright and whatnot.

I guess what I'm trying to ask here is if a guy was to approach you, what would you deem as acceptable, and what would you deem as "booty hungry, get the fuck away from me"? Or would you deem all dudes as the latter?

[PinkRanger]

Personally, I hate it when guys when yell stuff at me like, "Hey red!! Come here! Oh, you thick," and stuff like that. It completely turns me off from talking to them. And soome of those cheap lines are garbage too. I just hate direct comments that are aimed at my body when a guy is approaching me, I think that's a bit much.

[Idlethought]

Well I've never done the cat calls myself, but what if the comment aimed at your body is about your smile? Is that fair ground? lol Basically I'm tryna find out what is and isnt acceptable to chicks today. Never will I do something like

"Hey baby you ever had chocolate like this in ya mouf!?"

because it's just not how I was raised lol.

[PinkRanger]

Lol. Yeah, things like comments about my smile or face are acceptable. But anything that has to do with my butt or chest isn't acceptable. I figure if you're coming at me like that, how many other girls are you talking to like that while you're trying to talk to me? The guy could just be talking for getting girls' bodies.

[Idlethought]

True. Now if a dude is starin at you say all day in class or whatever and doesnt say anything to you do think thats unacceptable? lol Cause I'll admit it I used to be that guy =P I've grown a little more ball-age since then though.

[PinkRanger]

Depends on what he's staring at and if he looks like his intentions are right. I'll just wonder why he's staring at me and I'd probably ask him, but not in a mean way.

[Drewbert]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]At what point do chicks draw the line between being nice and being sexually harassing?

The line is drawn on the attractiveness of the man.

[Idlethought]

Hmm... Well I think I've told you my situation with the chick in my class and whatnot. If not go on AIM and I will =P Right now I'm tryin to figure out how to maintain and progress, possibly get to know her better and what not. But I'm tryna figure out how to do it while steppin correctly and not seem like, again, an ass hunter. So far shes told me that she doesnt like attention too much. Thats really it though as far as knowing how to approach her goes. I've been tryin to figure out a way to ask her to chill with me where it doesnt have to do with schoolwork but I dont wanna deceive and mask it as somethin else ya dig? Plus I'm broke and dont have a car lol Thats where I need help. Hell I dont even know if shes interested in me like that and I dont wanna call her every night cause then I'd feel like, and probably seem like, a stalker. Help me out here lol

[Idlethought]

The line is drawn on the attractiveness of the man.

See now I used to think that way lol "It's only sexual harassment when youre ugly"

[dzee]

True. Now if a dude is starin at you say all day in class or whatever and doesnt say anything to you do think thats unacceptable? lol Cause I'll admit it I used to be that guy =P I've grown a little more ball-age since then though.

something intellectual is nice :) and even better if it's unusual, or makes the girl laugh. comments too explicit about the physical appearance would get me walking faster though. comments about the body and smile would be acceptable, as long as you keep it tasteful. you sound fine, actually.

well i personally don't think too much about staring. most people can tell the difference between staring and leering :rolleyes: if you aren't having any rated thoughts in your head it won't come through in your face, and i personally wouldn't be too put off. perhaps curious, but i may/may not ask.

about that chick.. call her out, try to talk more with her and see what she likes? or if you aren't comfortable with calling her out yet you could give her the occasional phonecall and carry a conversation there? after you've established some common form of interest you could get her out then :p

there's my $0.02 worth; doraemon's on tv now and i shall go ;)

[Idlethought]

you know what though I talked to her yesterday, even if only briefly. I dont wanna go and call her the next night because it would seem like im really hungry ya know

[ozzmit]

Personally, I would be a bit turned off if a guy called me a chick. And I would be weirded out if a guy tried to pick me up at a bus stop. That's what parties/bars are for.
If you want to get to know a woman, you might try just having a normal conversation with her. This means saving the complements for later. :)

[PinkRanger]

This girl seems complex. Sounds like she's hard to read. Maybe you should wait til you see her again (if its sometime soon) to talk to her?

[Idlethought]

Yea but you know what I suck at conversation lol At least initiating it. I don't wanna walk up to her talking about the constellations or something you know. So I figure if I start with something simple like the expression on her face it can pan out from there. Like the chick I talked to on the bus it went from she wasnt sad to she was just thinkin about stuff and was a bit stressed out. So I asked what she was stressed out about and she went on to school and work and it panned out from there.

Thats another thing, is it good or bad to ask too many questions? Personally I'm very very curious about everything so I tend to ask a million questions when something interests me. Is that a turn off or what?

[Idlethought]

Oh and I dont call chicks "chick" to their face, only in reference to them.

This girl seems complex. Sounds like she's hard to read. Maybe you should wait til you see her again (if its sometime soon) to talk to her?

Shes hard to read for me because I suck ta reading people =/ Next time I have an opportunity to see her is before the Marketing test on monday that we were studying for the other day. Thing is I'm not comfortable havin a conversation about hookin up and whatnot in a classroom full of people and I doubt she would be either since she doesnt like to draw attention. Then the difficult thing would be catching her after the test because you leave when youre done and I tend to finish my tests quickly =/ I'm probably making it out to be more than it is but meh whatev.

[PinkRanger]

Questions aren't bad. I mean, as long as you're not giving an interrogation, its fine to be interested and ask questions. But of course there's a limit, you can tell when people are tired of being interrogated, they get that tone in their voice.

[ozzmit]

No, I don't think asking a woman (tasteful) questions about herself is a turn off. In fact, it might be a turn on for many women. This is because a lot of men just talk about themselve's and seem to forget about the person they are talking to.

[Idlethought]

See I try not to talk about myself and I ask as many questions as pops into my head without getting vulgar lol The results I've gotten from that though, from several chicks, is me being interested in what theyre all about and them not saying much about it. Thats where I hit a wall because I'm tryin to step correct and whatnot with it but its just rough on my part.

Also about this chick I'm tryin to kick it with, she already has this idea in her head that I'm "flippin smart". I'm tryin to figure out whether its an aversion for her or if shes intimidated by it or what not. I mean I'm no idiot but I dont consider myself to be any sort of prodigy. It just seems to be another obstacle for me...

[Bob]

Well I've never done the cat calls myself, but what if the comment aimed at your body is about your smile? Is that fair ground? lol Basically I'm tryna find out what is and isnt acceptable to chicks today. Never will I do something like

"Hey baby you ever had chocolate like this in ya mouf!?"

because it's just not how I was raised lol.


Ha, idlethoughts a noob

[Idlethought]

Thanks for the lack of help Bob, why post if youre not gonna add?

[Bob]

Thanks for the lack of help Bob, why post if youre not gonna add?

Did you just question me?

[Idlethought]

You've just been deemed not worthy of responding too again.
Anyway back on topic, I think it might be better if I learn some patience and bide my time its just that I'm not trying to wait so long where I get pushed into the friend zone but I dont wanna do it so fast where I seem desperate to tap that ass. Can anyone give me some insight as to an acceptable time frame to go from just talking to kickin it?

[Bob]

You've just been deemed not worthy of responding too again.
Anyway back on topic, I think it might be better if I learn some patience and bide my time its just that I'm not trying to wait so long where I get pushed into the friend zone but I dont wanna do it so fast where I seem desperate to tap that ass. Can anyone give me some insight as to an acceptable time frame to go from just talking to kickin it?

*single tear*



Weight training helps build testosterone, try it if you get tired of being a punk

[Arctic_Slicer]

Probabally when you start flirting with them. So long as you keep coversation away from flirting there shouldn't be any problems.

[Jancarius]

Of course, if you don't present yourself as a viable candidate for dating, you may also be 'friended' off to the side. While sometimes it works with a girl if you are their friend first, then start dating, sometimes it never happens. It can really go both ways and no one can really tell you which.

[nothing]

kind of true, although personally I wouldn't ever consider asking a girl out whom I wasn't friends with anyway. Friendship, as I see it is a way of establishing the compatibility of personalities. Physical attraction in addition is what makes it worth making moves, not physical attraction alone. Establish trust, demonstrate that you're a good friend, THEN tell her you find her attractive. If you've done step 1 right she won't immediately shy away and you're pretty much guaranteed it will be more than brief should you succeed because you know you like each other as people.

That's my opinion, but don't lend it TOO much weight because I'm not vastly experienced myself.

[paul]

And I would be weirded out if a guy tried to pick me up at a bus stop. That's what parties/bars are for.

Is that restricted to bus stops? :P
because if it isn't that would mean ignoring all the girls outside of parties/bars, and that makes me sad... :D

[Lea]

I'm not that fond of men who comment too openly about my looks. That’s the biggest issue I have.

I think it kind of comes down to what type of girl you are trying to approach. If every once in awhile a girl rejects you for conversation, don’t take it too hard at all. I personally come off as cold towards strangers supposedly. It’s not that I don’t like you, I’m either in a hurry, determined to do something at the moment, or I have no idea what to say in response. I guess acting coldly is my way to deal with situations I'm not sure how to resond to. With other girls, they may love talking to new people and won't mind talking to you. Simple conversation is the easiest way to break the ice. If that doesn’t work, don’t worry about it. Try again next time. Sometimes people are in a better mood and willing to talk than other days.

There is no set way to get a girl to notice you. It will always varry and I guess you just have to be willing to subject yourself to trial and error. One girl's boundry with strangers may be acceptable by others. I would just suggest keeping away from too many compliments and comments about looks.

[Idlethought]

Thanks for the input Lea, twas preciated.

Well I dont tend to stay on the subject of looks. If the conversation goes in that direction it sends off a "superficial, materialistic" signal to me and thats the exact type of chick I want to avoid.

I tried talkin toa chick today again at work. It was a christmas party for some business and some guy brought his daughter there and she looked kinda cute so I did it again with the "how come you look so sad/mad" thing. It worked! I doubt it will work every time but it worked lol. I ended up givin her my phone number, I didnt ask for hers in return though cause I dont expect her to call mine and I guess I never intended to take it past tonight lol. It was just practice. Much needed practice. I can FEEL myself getting better and more confident, gathering the balls to say Hi.

[ozzmit]

Ha, yes Paul I suppose you are right there! I guess what I meant to say was that public places like bus stops and shops, etc. are not the best places to attempt to meet women. This is because predators like to hang out at public places and women are always on the look out for these types of men (for good reason unfortunately). Bars and parties are exempt from this because women expect some flirting and will not automatically be freaked out by it.

I think college is probably the best place for meeting people. You are able to see the same people regularly so you can become comfortable with talking to them. This means that a relationship can evolve much more naturally than it would if you just picked someone up at a bar or something.

Oh, and do men really stare at a girl they find attractive? I have often been stared at and I can never figure out if it is because I am attractive, unattractive, or some kind of cosmic beacon for people's eyes. I only get freaked out from being stared at because I don't understand what is going on. :)

[Idlethought]

If youre hideous or something is fucked with your face youll get stared at. If youre fly youll get stared at too lol

[ozzmit]

Well, I believe I am neither of those...which really just confirms my suspicions. Men are insane. :P

[Idlethought]

beauty/hideousness is in the eye of the beholder. or the stare-er. and men insane? HA! HA HA!

HA!

women are pools of concentrated crazy

[The Divine Comedy]

women are pools of concentrated crazy

Do you have a problem with that? :p

[Soli]

Never get your friend go over to the girl and say, "That guy over there wants to go out with you." Never have somebody else talk for you. You have to do it youself!

Nobody at my school stares at me. There are plenty of girls much prettier then me to look at.

[nothing]

Well, I believe I am neither of those...which really just confirms my suspicions. Men are insane. :P

Well personally I tend to be a lot less cautious when looking at an attractive girl so if you easily catch the guy staring I'd think it's safe to assume he likes how you look. Also, my taste in the fairer sex makes me find those most consider attractive as overdone and too artificial, and those others might call "homely" I often see as cute and pretty ^_^

so, any supposed plainness is no barrier whatsoever to someone thinking you're the most heartstoppingly beautiful woman ever to walk the earth.

[Pierrot le Fou]

Keep it Simple Stupid! (so applicable to so many things)

Eye Contact:

You're sitting on a train. You're bored. You forgot your book in the bog. You're idling people-watching on the train when you make eye contact for a split-second with a good-looking woman, and neither of you breaks it immediately. That tends to be a sign that your subconscious is saying, 'Gee, she's cute' and it works the same way for her too. That doesn't mean you're guaranteed to work out, but it's a starting point.

Smile:

After you make eye contact for a bit, just smile. Not a shit-eating grin, but a nice pleasant 'Nice to see you' sort of smile you'd make towards someone who's face you recall, but who's name you don't remember, or that you may not have formally met. A smile of acknowledgement in a friendly non-threatening way. A smile back of some sort will probably be a positive sign, and looking away immediately is probably a bad sign. If she looks down, it may be a sign that she's just shy.

Talk to her:

If everything is going well, wait for about 1 minute before you are getting off whatever mode of transport you're on, say 'hello' and introduce yourself, tell her that you saw her smile and thought you'd say hello. It's honest, simple, and endearing. Point out that you're getting off at the next stop, but would like to get coffee with her sometime. Give her your phone number, point out that you won't be offended if she doesn't call, and then say, "This stop is mine" and let her be.

She may call. She may not. But you did several good things that prevent you from seeming stalkerish:
- You approached her after she made non-negative signs, and the eye contact means it ain't out of the blue
- You approached her without trying to impose or make her feel obligated, as you didn't ask her for anything (like her number) or to decide to meet you again or anything
- You gave her two very very easy outs, one being that she doesn't have to call, the second being that you were leaving the train on the next stop anyway, so it isn't like you're going to try to follow her or something creepy

But it's simple, it's easy, and it's effective while being non-threatening.

Don't try to come up with lines or catch-phrases or strategies. Just be an honest straight-forward person who makes her feel positive due to the fact you're interesting, without putting pressure of any form on her to make her feel bad about what should be a positive experience.

And don't take it personally if she isn't interested.

[Idlethought]

well...genius...

[more cheerios]

Just be nice.
A lot of girls consider, "Girrrrl, you're so haaawt : insert sexual reference here : " to be harassment.
I mean, be coy, show interest, whatever... but don't go over the top. Be honest. Meh, it tends to work... unless she isn't interested. And if so, I'm sure you'll survive.

[Idlethought]

You know what...I think I'm just gonna bide my time as far as chicks go. I'll meet who I meet but I'm gonna *try* to put my focus towards my schoolwork. And lookin good

*poses*

[co_delphi]

One trick I have found that works well is to compliment jewelry they are wearing. Typically speaking they already like the jewelry and are more than happy to talk about it (especially if it is unique). Also this serves as a great way of telling if she is single or not (if they say their boyfriend/husband got it for them you know you have no chance). If so simply chalk it up as you made the person even happier with the gift.

[DoriAN]

it pretty much depends on the guy...sad but very true. ~.~

[Special Edition]

plain and simply: just be yourself

if a guy came up to me and started using the normal cheesy chat up lines i'd just think he was a desperate fool (no offence intended) and if he was starin at me for too long i'd have to say somethin because i'd get kinda creeped out by it

[Roxie]

I absolutely hate it when a stranger says, "Hey smile."

It really burns me up, b/c you have no idea what I might be going through, you just want me to look nice and pretty for you. NO. :mad:

[Angelyne]

Ha, yes Paul I suppose you are right there! I guess what I meant to say was that public places like bus stops and shops, etc. are not the best places to attempt to meet women. This is because predators like to hang out at public places and women are always on the look out for these types of men (for good reason unfortunately). Bars and parties are exempt from this because women expect some flirting and will not automatically be freaked out by it.


I have to disagree. I would much rather be approached in public by a sober man who is capable of holding a coherent conversation. Some might deny it until they're blue in the face, but first impressions make a huge difference in whether you get a phone number or a date. If a man has the confidence to approach me without being under the influence, then I'm much more inclined to take interest in him.

Besides, you're far more likely to have something in common with the person you met at a book store or a gym than random drunk guy/girl at the bar. At least you automatically know that you share a hobby with that person, and it makes things a bit easier.


Now, about the rest of the thread. How do you avoid being "friended off"? HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF. I can't stress this enough, because IMO, this is the sexiest trait a man can have. And if you act too shy or too needy, I'm going to have a very hard time seeing you as something other than a friend.

[Ozero]

somethin wrong with bus stops? :P

(Bar pickups.. EW)

Actually, one of the most romantic encounters I had in my life, outside of my wife, (This was long before we were married, relax)...

was with a girl i met at a bus stop. We were in an urban area, noone else around, stupid-o-clock at night, on the coldest day for the year.

a slight fog added to the atmosphere.

For the need to think of something BESIDES freezing my ass off, i started conversation. Soon, we became a team against the cold night, waiting for the friggin bus, due in like half an hour.

We made a shot trip to procure hot chocolate, and talked and laughed. This continued on the bus, give or take a fellow who didn't seem to know when to butt out. :P

he eventually did, and the casual close-ish conversation continued. Then, in relation to her one story, she mentioned her age. 17. I think i was like 23? 24? at the time.

Damn, so much for that. Still, it was enjoyable conversation, and the rest of the 45 min trip went much as the first part.

When we got to the station, our paths separated. We said goodbye, and I couldn't help thinking there was more that needed saying. She looked at me in a way that made me think her mind was in the same place. Maybe I read her wrong, but it looked a lot like "Ask for my number or something!"

I would have loved to, but the age thing, not to mention that my eventual wife had been giving hints at getting back together.

I should have said something.. but I was too... i dunno.. stunned by the moment. (Not the first time I've had to leave a girl, and didn't have the refex to explain why... ach.. one time when i was moving, and.. anyway, different story..)

So.. now it's just an event that happened, that could have been something else, like the start of a romantic comedy or something. (Why comedy? Cuz i'm a smartalec. If i were gettng stabbed, I'd have a joke for it.)

[Wizdom]

Keep it Simple Stupid! (so applicable to so many things)

Eye Contact:

You're sitting on a train. You're bored. You forgot your book in the bog. You're idling people-watching on the train when you make eye contact for a split-second with a good-looking woman, and neither of you breaks it immediately. That tends to be a sign that your subconscious is saying, 'Gee, she's cute' and it works the same way for her too. That doesn't mean you're guaranteed to work out, but it's a starting point.

Smile:

After you make eye contact for a bit, just smile. Not a shit-eating grin, but a nice pleasant 'Nice to see you' sort of smile you'd make towards someone who's face you recall, but who's name you don't remember, or that you may not have formally met. A smile of acknowledgement in a friendly non-threatening way. A smile back of some sort will probably be a positive sign, and looking away immediately is probably a bad sign. If she looks down, it may be a sign that she's just shy.

Talk to her:

If everything is going well, wait for about 1 minute before you are getting off whatever mode of transport you're on, say 'hello' and introduce yourself, tell her that you saw her smile and thought you'd say hello. It's honest, simple, and endearing. Point out that you're getting off at the next stop, but would like to get coffee with her sometime. Give her your phone number, point out that you won't be offended if she doesn't call, and then say, "This stop is mine" and let her be.

She may call. She may not. But you did several good things that prevent you from seeming stalkerish:
- You approached her after she made non-negative signs, and the eye contact means it ain't out of the blue
- You approached her without trying to impose or make her feel obligated, as you didn't ask her for anything (like her number) or to decide to meet you again or anything
- You gave her two very very easy outs, one being that she doesn't have to call, the second being that you were leaving the train on the next stop anyway, so it isn't like you're going to try to follow her or something creepy

But it's simple, it's easy, and it's effective while being non-threatening.

Don't try to come up with lines or catch-phrases or strategies. Just be an honest straight-forward person who makes her feel positive due to the fact you're interesting, without putting pressure of any form on her to make her feel bad about what should be a positive experience.

And don't take it personally if she isn't interested.



This is the best advice ive seen so far.

I dont agree with the "dont talk to girls unless they are at parties and bars" crap. Because guess what, not eveyone goes to parties and bars. And i like for women to actually get to know me, without the beer goggles.

In short anywhere is a good place to start a convo.. just be yourself, be respectful, and smile. You'll be suprised how far a great smile can take you..


(( unless you got gold teeth like lil john)) :( :mad: :( :mad: :( :mad:

[Idlethought]

my teeth arent exactly in the best shape, entirely my fault but meh i cant do much but prevent em from gettin worse now lol. If only i knew what i know now when I was younger...

[FireWolf238]

my personal 2 cents worth of intel: wutever you don't think about it, just do wutever feels right at the time, cuz you actually do act like urself

[co_delphi]

Actually the best advice is to be yourself. Although if your typical demenor is to have sex with furry animals, lighting things on fire, or having sex with furry animals you have lit on fire, it is advised to act like someone else.

[Idlethought]

Last time i checked i didnt like to have sex with furry animals. Thanks for asking.

[chilove]

Everyone here has had some good advice, I just thought I'd give an example to help illustrate the points.

Recently, I was at Best Buy looking at cameras, when a guy walked up (out of the blue) and said, "I like your pink coat." Of course I looked up, but this wasn't the best line b/c it immediately made me think, 'OK, he's hitting on me or he's gay.' I said, "Thanks," and turned back to the cameras. Then he said "It even matches your purse." (and my purse isn't pink) At this point I'm getting slightly annoyed b/c these lines are ridiculous, he obviously doesn't know what he's talking about, he isn't saying anything that interests me, and I'm trying to look at cameras. I just say, "Yeah," and walk to the other end of the aisle.

Dude follows me down there (not always a good idea to be this persistent) and asks me what I like to take pictures of. OK, this was a good question. He actually got me to put down the camera and turn to talk to him, whereas before I'd just been pausing to glance at him. I told him I take pictures of the same things as everyone else, but I really needed a camera w/a shorter shutter delay so I could take better pictures of my dogs. (*hint* If a girl is looking at a camera to take better pics of her dogs, then she must love them... A LOT.) The guy then says, "Your dogs?" and gave me a look. Not good. So I turn back to the cameras. I guess he decided my love of dogs wasn't enough to stop him, so he says, "What do you have, like a cocker spaniel?" But it was too late, he already gave the impression he didn't like dogs.

Here is what you should learn from this:

-if you're going to approach a girl, try to talk about something she's showing some interest in or that relates to her. Maybe she has a book w/her, maybe she's looking at something in a store. A good compliment can get her attention, but you need something to follow it up.

-if the girl shows interest in something, and you've just met her, it's not a good time to say something bad about that interest. (I like lots of other things besides my dogs, but he won't get to find that out.) I'm not saying lie to her, but be careful how much you give away. There's still a lot to find out about this other person, and you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot. Look at it this way, would you want to keep talking to someone that seemed interested in what you had to say, or someone who had a negative response?

-Sometimes you need to learn when to stop. If a girl keeps brushing you off, she either isn't interested or she's decided she's too busy. Either way, you probably aren't going to change her mind. It might not be anything personal, and she might be open to conversation some other time, just try to pick up on when people are actually busy or distracted. If you bug her when she's stressing she probably won't forget it, and you'll be 'that guy that got on her nerves last week.'