Sock Full of Boiled Dimes
12-02-2005, 05:29 PM
I complain. A lot. Mostly on forums and that brief period when I had a music blog and everyone hated me for it. So it should be no surprise that I feel like complaining some more. However, if I cannot be funny about it then there really is no point to it in the first place.
So it is time for me to babble about something I am going to enjoy OH SO MUCH!
The Holidays.
#1- The Christian Perspective and Jewish Perspective.
Welcome o' ye of little faith. Jesus’ birthday is upon us so make sure you buy as much crap as you possibly can so you can completely tarnish what the real holiday is about. Christmas has become such a reversed, turn around, flipped, bought, sold, exchanged, Japanized, threw against a wall, boiled, baked in the over for 350, returned, locked, canceled, reinvented, and vomited that it lost all meaning whatsoever.
When people open their gifts on Christmas morning there really aren’t that many people going "Oh boy Jesus Clause got me a swell gift this year." I find it to be the irony of all ironies that a holiday celebrating the holiest person in the Christian religion is also based around a lie that your parents tell you about a jolly fat man who magically brings you gifts every year if you have been good. Lying is a sin right? So why the hell are you telling your kids Santa exists? I'll get to the complaint about Santa later.
Christian populations (the ones who are insane) seem to have problems when people call Christmas "X-Mas" or say "Happy Holidays". They obviously think that it is an utter avoidance of saying "Christ" the whole month of December. Sad fact is that some people (small margin) do say that to avoid it and they are as about as stupid as well. From what I understand "X" is Greek for Chri which was the way they said Christ. So they were calling Jesus "Chri". Something about that logic got mixed up, but from what I understand is if you say X-mas you still say "Christ".
So stop getting angry.
I also had the misfortune to celebrate Hanukah with a friend of a friend last year. I can understand why Jewish people suffer so. From what I heard from her the family they get together with only bothers lighting about half the candles before they completely give up on the holiday all together. That my friends is the real Hanukah. The whole point of the gift part was parents to give kids something they need and not something they want. So you are going to get sock instead of an Xboxs 360 this year Billy.
Christians get a lights and Christmas carols and HALF OF NOVEMBER dedicated to Christmas.
Jewish people get a dradle, candles, and some flat bread...oh boy!
I'm not saying that the Jewish religion is bad, but I am saying that they got the short end of the stick. I say we get some Jewish carolers this year. People will be too afraid to shut the door on them because they are too politically correct. It's prefect!
#2-Santa
Why is it socially acceptable to lie to your kids? Sure you think it is fun for the kids to believe in something and they get gifts and you are happy and they are happy. Eventually that kid is going to figure out one way or another that Santa is as false as a Bunny that gives you eggs.
Even I figured that one was false on the first year.
Kids assume that if they are good enough they can write a list down of all the things that they want as a reward. They have worked so hard to be good only to be shot down at Christmas morning when you figured out that Santa could give less of a crap about what you want. "Want a Monopoly board game kid," Santa would say. "Well screw you you'll get a little toy you'll break that same day and like it you little prick!"
This is how we gradually teach our children that life is going to let us down when we get older. Santa Clause. It is the perfect way to teach them that "Hey! You worked so hard to be good to get some sort of cosmic reward out of life...oh wait...nope...turns out that it doesn't matter Santa hates you and you are going to be shot down you little prick."
See next time you work hard at a job and try to be a good and better person in it and when you get fired due to some job cuts you need to remember that it's Santa's fault.
#3- The consumer perspective.
"When did Thanksgiving become Christmas Part 1?"-Lewis Black
I absolutely refuse to say Happy Holidays, shop for gifts, or so anything Christmas related until December first. I will not put up the tree. I will punch someone if they say Happy Holidays. I will slap a girl if she puts mistletoe under our head. If it is November and Thanksgiving hasn't even come up yet and you are celebrating Christmas as if it is 2 days away then CONGRADULATIONS! You are the biggest idiot in the world.
I am happy and chipper about Christmas once December 1st rolls around. I am angry at every person who asks me why I haven't looked for gifts yet the day after Thanksgiving. You know why? I JUST ATE TURKY AND YOU WANT MY TO BUY CRAP NOW!
These stores lure people in by edging Christmas further and further back on the calendar reminding us that it is coming up and you haven't gotten anyone anything yet. You are a total jackass if you haven't even bought a gift before December.
I hate the corporations’ and the commercials and the movie makers who have managed to move Christmas back before Halloween. For some reason they have managed to edge it back far enough that when I am buying candy at Wal-Mart there is Christmas decorations down the aisle.
How did this happen? We managed to go "Yeah, it’s okay to push it to the middle of November, but that is it." They slipped right under our noses and decided "Nah! Screw the beginning of November I want the end of October. I want those moronic parents and husbands to be reminded they haven't bought anything yet. Eventually we'll buy Christmas and it will be called Corporate Gift Day MUAHAHAHAHA!"
Christmas is becoming harder and harder to celebrate with all the corporations telling you that you need to buy their expensive crap. Granted that is what we do. We buy and they supply. That is the natural order of things. They give me what I want and I won’t complain about the outrageous prices.
Now they induce Christmas in Drinks, Movies, Cartoons, Books, Stamps, VIDEO GAMES, and clothing.
There is nothing worse then seeing someone in a tacky Christmas sweater. You feel so bad because they have to wear it once and they decided that was the day. If someone gets you tacky Christmas clothing you are obligated to wear it not to hurt their feelings. You only have to wear it once, but make sure you wear it when they are around. If you don't then you actually have to keep it till next year and when they get you something else tacky you now have two pieces’ of clothing on your plate. Eventually it all piles up into a mound of disaster and the person is so hurt and upset that they stop calling you. Then you realize that this is a good thing and you don't have to get another crappy piece of Christmas clothing, but it took you this long to realize this and now you have an entire closet dedicated to the Holiday. Phew.
Welcome to Christmas and please enjoy it like it really should be.
Rule1- If you find yourself at any way like what I complained about up there then you need to sit down and punch yourself in the stomach for 2 hours. That way next time the Holidays come around you should feel the pain.
Rule2- You cannot do anything Christmas related until December 1st
Rule3- Don't lie to your kids about Santa. Tell them the truth: Life sucks and people lie.
Rule4- Do not shop for gifts until December 1st. If there is a sale at a store and you desperately need it for that person then think to yourself "Is this worth losing my dignity?" or "Do they really need this?" If they answer is yes then you need to repeat Rule 1.
Rule5- Don't be a religious nut about it. Christmas is about love which is what Christ intended in the first place. So don't get negative about things.
This sums it up. Have a Merry Christmas everyone!
So it is time for me to babble about something I am going to enjoy OH SO MUCH!
The Holidays.
#1- The Christian Perspective and Jewish Perspective.
Welcome o' ye of little faith. Jesus’ birthday is upon us so make sure you buy as much crap as you possibly can so you can completely tarnish what the real holiday is about. Christmas has become such a reversed, turn around, flipped, bought, sold, exchanged, Japanized, threw against a wall, boiled, baked in the over for 350, returned, locked, canceled, reinvented, and vomited that it lost all meaning whatsoever.
When people open their gifts on Christmas morning there really aren’t that many people going "Oh boy Jesus Clause got me a swell gift this year." I find it to be the irony of all ironies that a holiday celebrating the holiest person in the Christian religion is also based around a lie that your parents tell you about a jolly fat man who magically brings you gifts every year if you have been good. Lying is a sin right? So why the hell are you telling your kids Santa exists? I'll get to the complaint about Santa later.
Christian populations (the ones who are insane) seem to have problems when people call Christmas "X-Mas" or say "Happy Holidays". They obviously think that it is an utter avoidance of saying "Christ" the whole month of December. Sad fact is that some people (small margin) do say that to avoid it and they are as about as stupid as well. From what I understand "X" is Greek for Chri which was the way they said Christ. So they were calling Jesus "Chri". Something about that logic got mixed up, but from what I understand is if you say X-mas you still say "Christ".
So stop getting angry.
I also had the misfortune to celebrate Hanukah with a friend of a friend last year. I can understand why Jewish people suffer so. From what I heard from her the family they get together with only bothers lighting about half the candles before they completely give up on the holiday all together. That my friends is the real Hanukah. The whole point of the gift part was parents to give kids something they need and not something they want. So you are going to get sock instead of an Xboxs 360 this year Billy.
Christians get a lights and Christmas carols and HALF OF NOVEMBER dedicated to Christmas.
Jewish people get a dradle, candles, and some flat bread...oh boy!
I'm not saying that the Jewish religion is bad, but I am saying that they got the short end of the stick. I say we get some Jewish carolers this year. People will be too afraid to shut the door on them because they are too politically correct. It's prefect!
#2-Santa
Why is it socially acceptable to lie to your kids? Sure you think it is fun for the kids to believe in something and they get gifts and you are happy and they are happy. Eventually that kid is going to figure out one way or another that Santa is as false as a Bunny that gives you eggs.
Even I figured that one was false on the first year.
Kids assume that if they are good enough they can write a list down of all the things that they want as a reward. They have worked so hard to be good only to be shot down at Christmas morning when you figured out that Santa could give less of a crap about what you want. "Want a Monopoly board game kid," Santa would say. "Well screw you you'll get a little toy you'll break that same day and like it you little prick!"
This is how we gradually teach our children that life is going to let us down when we get older. Santa Clause. It is the perfect way to teach them that "Hey! You worked so hard to be good to get some sort of cosmic reward out of life...oh wait...nope...turns out that it doesn't matter Santa hates you and you are going to be shot down you little prick."
See next time you work hard at a job and try to be a good and better person in it and when you get fired due to some job cuts you need to remember that it's Santa's fault.
#3- The consumer perspective.
"When did Thanksgiving become Christmas Part 1?"-Lewis Black
I absolutely refuse to say Happy Holidays, shop for gifts, or so anything Christmas related until December first. I will not put up the tree. I will punch someone if they say Happy Holidays. I will slap a girl if she puts mistletoe under our head. If it is November and Thanksgiving hasn't even come up yet and you are celebrating Christmas as if it is 2 days away then CONGRADULATIONS! You are the biggest idiot in the world.
I am happy and chipper about Christmas once December 1st rolls around. I am angry at every person who asks me why I haven't looked for gifts yet the day after Thanksgiving. You know why? I JUST ATE TURKY AND YOU WANT MY TO BUY CRAP NOW!
These stores lure people in by edging Christmas further and further back on the calendar reminding us that it is coming up and you haven't gotten anyone anything yet. You are a total jackass if you haven't even bought a gift before December.
I hate the corporations’ and the commercials and the movie makers who have managed to move Christmas back before Halloween. For some reason they have managed to edge it back far enough that when I am buying candy at Wal-Mart there is Christmas decorations down the aisle.
How did this happen? We managed to go "Yeah, it’s okay to push it to the middle of November, but that is it." They slipped right under our noses and decided "Nah! Screw the beginning of November I want the end of October. I want those moronic parents and husbands to be reminded they haven't bought anything yet. Eventually we'll buy Christmas and it will be called Corporate Gift Day MUAHAHAHAHA!"
Christmas is becoming harder and harder to celebrate with all the corporations telling you that you need to buy their expensive crap. Granted that is what we do. We buy and they supply. That is the natural order of things. They give me what I want and I won’t complain about the outrageous prices.
Now they induce Christmas in Drinks, Movies, Cartoons, Books, Stamps, VIDEO GAMES, and clothing.
There is nothing worse then seeing someone in a tacky Christmas sweater. You feel so bad because they have to wear it once and they decided that was the day. If someone gets you tacky Christmas clothing you are obligated to wear it not to hurt their feelings. You only have to wear it once, but make sure you wear it when they are around. If you don't then you actually have to keep it till next year and when they get you something else tacky you now have two pieces’ of clothing on your plate. Eventually it all piles up into a mound of disaster and the person is so hurt and upset that they stop calling you. Then you realize that this is a good thing and you don't have to get another crappy piece of Christmas clothing, but it took you this long to realize this and now you have an entire closet dedicated to the Holiday. Phew.
Welcome to Christmas and please enjoy it like it really should be.
Rule1- If you find yourself at any way like what I complained about up there then you need to sit down and punch yourself in the stomach for 2 hours. That way next time the Holidays come around you should feel the pain.
Rule2- You cannot do anything Christmas related until December 1st
Rule3- Don't lie to your kids about Santa. Tell them the truth: Life sucks and people lie.
Rule4- Do not shop for gifts until December 1st. If there is a sale at a store and you desperately need it for that person then think to yourself "Is this worth losing my dignity?" or "Do they really need this?" If they answer is yes then you need to repeat Rule 1.
Rule5- Don't be a religious nut about it. Christmas is about love which is what Christ intended in the first place. So don't get negative about things.
This sums it up. Have a Merry Christmas everyone!