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View Full Version : Jesus is a Zombie

Justin Carr
08-15-2005, 04:36 PM
My wife is Japanese. (Not 'her-parents-are-Japanese-but-she-was-raised-in-America' but honest to goodness 'was-born-in, raised, and-came-to-college-here-where-we-met' Japanese.). And she has actually made the 'Jesus is a zombie' comment before... to a Christian... with Campus Crusaders... at their annual conference (Her host sister took her there in hopes of converting her.). She had to leave early and quickly.
scan2001
08-16-2005, 01:55 AM
That funny!
Nessa
08-16-2005, 01:59 AM
I have a friend at my church who would love to take the idea of Zombie Jesus and make it into disturbing horror movie and make it as gory as humanly possible.
Iekleane
08-16-2005, 02:17 AM
In Jesus's next revival he will eat the brains of the non-beleivers! You shall all pay for defying zombie Jesus!
ChronoSphere
08-16-2005, 05:37 AM
I would have so wanted to be there when that was spoken. I would have died laughing, LoL.
l337m45t3r
08-16-2005, 06:05 AM
Dose that mean that in his next Last Supper he'll turn the bread into brains?
AssButt.
08-16-2005, 07:36 AM
"He Died For Your Sins...Now He's Back For Your Brains!"
B RoCkS1010
08-17-2005, 03:12 AM
haha thats great....it sucks that my dad and step mom r trying to be hardcore christains so now i cant make christain jokes....
ukimalefu
08-17-2005, 07:01 AM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v112/ukimalefu/normal_ZombieJesusDoll3.jpg
Citizen
08-17-2005, 07:28 AM
I've thought about that before.

Consider the fact that many Christians will scoff at religions that don't have Jesus as the savior. Some of them go so far as to call other religions backwards and to hate them when told about them.

Then put yourself in the shoes of someone who doesn't have Jesus as their savior. Imagine how retarded it must sound to them when a Christian explains that, even though Christianity is a young religion compared to many others, that it is the "correct" religion, and that the savior is a man who came back from the dead(aka a zombie, which is what anyone who isn't a Christian would think of Jesus).

Oh well, I'm still a Lutheran. :D
Myrsilus
08-17-2005, 08:09 AM
Zombie Jesus? I am appalled.

Imagine the smell.

I am Catholic, but I'm starting to wonder if I can really call myself that with the amount of questioning I tend to do... Just seems off to me.
ukimalefu
08-17-2005, 08:19 AM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v112/ukimalefu/god-jesus.jpg
Myrsilus
08-17-2005, 08:36 AM
That can't be real. I hope it's not real.
ukimalefu
08-17-2005, 08:40 AM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v112/ukimalefu/368.jpg
Arilou
08-17-2005, 10:20 AM
Interestingly enough "Zombie-jesus.com" leads one to the page of one Salomon Grundy. Or something.
stsparky
08-18-2005, 07:21 PM
I got tired of telling Japanese folks that all Americans aren't Christians. I'm not.

But walking around Fukuoka over Christmas last year - wearing a black parka - many kids panicked upon seeing me. The quaint Dutch notion of the 'Santa who kidnaps bad children' and forces them into slave labor is quite the 'whisper campaign' and whenever I encounter 6 - 10 year olds —*I'd hear the chant “Black Santa” muttered ...

Now I look like a tall George Lucas or fat Steven Speilberg - so this was troubling ...

But I do know I could get a nice vacation paycheck next year :D
ID_10T
08-18-2005, 07:31 PM
Jesus is a zombie
zombies eat brains
getting brains is another way to describe getting head
Therfore
jesus wants more oral sex in the world.
TygressVirgo
08-18-2005, 07:43 PM
ID_10T: nice logic. lmao.
Kiljou
08-19-2005, 01:37 AM
Jesus is a zombie
zombies eat brains
getting brains is another way to describe getting head
Therfore
jesus wants more oral sex in the world.

(Rubs hands together) Perfect! I knew being a Christian (although I sure don't act like it) would come in handy!
Pretentious
08-19-2005, 03:35 AM
Zombie Jesus is undoubtedly one of the coolest things ever. Almost as good as Kung Fu Jesus.
Jancarius
08-20-2005, 12:20 PM
Zombie Jesus and his personal Nemesis:
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00007CVRX.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

BTW, that's a real movie, not even kidding. I first saw it when I worked at Blockbuster in the Video Store Magazine. There's also Ultra Christ. You don't want to know about Ultra Christ.

Okay, even though I said that...
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0001XASC6.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
Arctic_Slicer
08-20-2005, 10:04 PM
Why would anyone want to make bad movies, musicals, and plays about Jesus the Christ? I don't think anyone cares if Jesus is a zombie, vampire hunter, superstar, etc. So maybe he is or was all of those things. Who cares?
l337m45t3r
08-21-2005, 12:54 PM
Exterior.

Graveyard. Camera pans down to the back of a guy in a leather jacket with long dark hair. He's whaling on a vamp who looks like he wants to ask a question but keep getting hit before he can speak. Buffy enters the scene just as he stakes the vamp. He turns around to speak to her and she sees his face.

Buffy.

Shocked. Jesus Christ!

Jesus.

Grins and nods. Buffy Summers.

Roll Opening Credits.
Treayn
08-21-2005, 11:47 PM
I've thought about that before.

Consider the fact that many Christians will scoff at religions that don't have Jesus as the savior. Some of them go so far as to call other religions backwards and to hate them when told about them.

Then put yourself in the shoes of someone who doesn't have Jesus as their savior. Imagine how retarded it must sound to them when a Christian explains that, even though Christianity is a young religion compared to many others, that it is the "correct" religion, and that the savior is a man who came back from the dead(aka a zombie, which is what anyone who isn't a Christian would think of Jesus).

Oh well, I'm still a Lutheran.

As if that isn't bad enough, they try to "convert" you. They always snoop around the subways, and shops, and there are a million of them. They sometimes actually harass you to join.

My friend's parents go to church. On the sunday what he'd usually do is wake up early, write on a paper "I went to my friend's house", and hide in his garage until they left. then he'd slip back into the house and start playing video games. :D
Jancarius
08-22-2005, 02:41 AM
Is it wrong that I find the opening scene of that Buffy script above actually a really intriguing idea, and can actually imagine that AS a Buffy episode?
NuCkInFuTz
08-25-2005, 08:21 AM
http://www.nuckinfutz.org/Residenteviljesus.jpg
My creation. "He died for your sins and now he's pissed!!!"
l337m45t3r
08-25-2005, 10:33 AM
Is it wrong that I find the opening scene of that Buffy script above actually a really intriguing idea, and can actually imagine that AS a Buffy episode?

Well, it would have made for a better ep than Buffy vs. Dracula...
Snark
08-25-2005, 07:57 PM
Resident Evil: Jesus? I would pay to see that.
NuCkInFuTz
08-25-2005, 09:03 PM
Resident Evil: Jesus? I would pay to see that.

And play it.
RDClip
08-25-2005, 09:17 PM
Zombie Jesus and his personal Nemesis:
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00007CVRX.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

BTW, that's a real movie, not even kidding. I first saw it when I worked at Blockbuster in the Video Store Magazine.
Has anyone hear seen it. It's acually pretty good for only $40k CANADIAN. I got that special ed DVD because my cousin is married to the director.

Oh, it's great that Canadian film is seen the America ;)