i told you i was emo

[belladonna]

I wrote this last year in my math class before class started and I'm going to sing it in my talent show this year, I still don't have a title:

You come to me with love in your eyes
I push you away
To still the pain inside

You are the one
Who cut me so deep
I stop the blood and watch it seep

*~Chorus~*
Why did you come
To see me die
Was it my love
Or did you lie

To me I see
That murdering glance
You stabbed heart and watched me fade

Into the dark
I run away
You follow me
And I fall to the ground

*~Chorus~*

*~Bridge~*
You lied to me
I scream again
Why you, why me?
When will this cycle end?

[Wizdom]

wow very good..

Very passionate and emotional but i liked it .



keep on writing!!

[belladonna]

i wrote that in a grand total of about five minutes....

[keitaidensha]

I wrote this last year in my math class before class started and I'm going to sing it in my talent show this year, I still don't have a title:

You come to me with love in your eyes
I push you away
To still the pain inside

You are the one
Who cut me so deep
I stop the blood and watch it seep

*~Chorus~*
Why did you come
To see me die
Was it my love
Or did you lie

To me I see
That murdering glance
You stabbed heart and watched me fade

Into the dark
I run away
You follow me
And I fall to the ground

*~Chorus~*

*~Bridge~*
You lied to me
I scream again
Why you, why me?
When will this cycle end?

i'm not sure, but i think you've managed to take every cliched emo lyric out there and put it in one song.

that took skill :impressed:

[belladonna]

gee thanks.... one of my other poems is about this guy i liked at the time and my friend looked at me and she said "how many times have you died in your poems?" that was pretty funny

[keitaidensha]

gee thanks.... one of my other poems is about this guy i liked at the time and my friend looked at me and she said "how many times have you died in your poems?" that was pretty funny

i'm saying lol, but that's because i actually laughed out loud

i have to use that line sometime :D

[belladonna]

here's that one...

I dream of you
And your eyes the color of the sky
Wishing you were with me
As I lie here and die

You come prepared
With arms open wide
And you kiss me
As I try not to cry

I hate that you had to leave before,
But I'm so happy that you're back
Now I have no reason to cry
Because there is nothing for me to lack

Though death overcomes me
I smile at your love
I know that I'm leaving
To go up above

The pain that's inside
Wells up to the surface
You haven't been back long
And this time I'm gone for you to miss
I'm sorry, my dear
That this time I had to go

[Wizdom]

Nice!!


I Like this one too.. A bit darker but thats good.!!.

"if every day was a sunny day. then whats a sunny day"
eddie murphy in vampire in brooklyn

[belladonna]

i like your take on it....

[keitaidensha]

here's that one...

I dream of you
And your eyes the color of the sky
Wishing you were with me
As I lie here and die

You come prepared
With arms open wide
And you kiss me
As I try not to cry

I hate that you had to leave before,
But I'm so happy that you're back
Now I have no reason to cry
Because there is nothing for me to lack

Though death overcomes me
I smile at your love
I know that I'm leaving
To go up above

The pain that's inside
Wells up to the surface
You haven't been back long
And this time I'm gone for you to miss
I'm sorry, my dear
That this time I had to go
the meter

learn it and love it

[belladonna]

ummm hello poetic lisence... gah you at like someone that just likes to critisize... you make me sad in my pants :(

[zell583]

i think there both good Bella.

[belladonna]

aww thanks... i wrote them both the same week, in the same class

[keitaidensha]

ummm hello poetic lisence... gah you at like someone that just likes to critisize... you make me sad in my pants :(
poetic license is primarily used to defend interesting, original ideas or controversial subject matter. i have nothing against poetry, or "different" poetry, or teens writing poetry (though they almost uniformly suck), but there's a reason most people follow certain rules.

placing constraints on yourself like meter and rhyme scheme challenge you as a writer, improve your skills and generally make for a better poem.

edit: i make everyone happy in their pants :mad:

[Sock Full of Boiled Dimes]

That is just...so...emo...

[keitaidensha]

That is just...so...emo...
now if only she had type some things in all caps

[belladonna]

edit: i make everyone happy in their pants :mad:
liar you make me sad in mine

[Alphonse v.2]

See, Math class is usefull!

[Wizdom]

meter sheter.

go tell T.S Elliot about meter if its so important.


Poets ( just like all other artist) should be able to express themselves any way they want. True, constants force you to be more creative. but that doesnt make you less creative if you dont use the.

[belladonna]

aww this was before class started.... at like 7:30 in the AM

[Wizdom]

belladonna, you dont have to explain your art.. if they dont get it or dont apprieacate it then, tell them to suck a nut.

[keitaidensha]

meter sheter.

go tell T.S Elliot about meter if its so important.


Poets ( just like all other artist) should be able to express themselves any way they want. True, constants force you to be more creative. but that doesnt make you less creative if you dont use the.

eliot had fantastic imagery and a great sense for words

people can express themselves any way they want, but that doesn't make their expression particularly good

you also contradicted yourself in the last sentence

[Shamu]

I thought they were really good Bella.

[belladonna]

thanks!!!!!!!!!!! i <3 y'all muchly

[Sock Full of Boiled Dimes]

thanks!!!!!!!!!!! i <3 y'all muchly

You're too happy for an emo girl.

[keitaidensha]

You're too happy for an emo girl.

agreed 100%

belladonna, back to the dying

[PopCulturePooka]

Good stuff babe!

[ChronoSphere]

Post the video of you singing.

[belladonna]

i don't have a way of doing that... sorry... when i get the technology i will...

[Admiral Luis]

I think they are good but I also think you are making an effort for your poems to rhyme.

You are a good writer but don't try to make rhymes, just write what you feel like writing...

[belladonna]

i wrote these things at 7:30 in the morning... and the first one is a song... but i never really thought about the rhyming thing... i guess it's a subconcious habit....

[Admiral Luis]

ok but try to write what comes to your mind... don't think ... thats what I used to do when I wrote stuff

[keitaidensha]

I think they are good but I also think you are making an effort for your poems to rhyme.

You are a good writer but don't try to make rhymes, just write what you feel like writing...
yes. you see, good things take effort. ignoring rhyme scheme and meter work if you are a genius. otherwise, it is pure laziness.

[h2orowe]

Pretty good, just keep practicing, and write what you feel, like they said, not because it rhymes.

[Admiral Luis]

maybe she could be a genious ... if she just wrote what she wanted

[belladonna]

that is what i felt at the time... i can't write when i don't rhyme... it doesn't flow for me...

[chinesejycc]

maybe she could be a genious ... if she just wrote what she wanted

It's spelled genius.

[Admiral Luis]

It's spelled genius.


If you saw my profile you would see I'm portuguese so forgive my spelling errors because here you don't learn proper english in school and nobody ever taught me.

I try to write the best I can

[keitaidensha]

maybe she could be a genious ... if she just wrote what she wanted
but she has

and she wasn't

[belladonna]

keitaidensha, you're a butt monkey that needs to stop dissin' on people for what you can't do!

[keitaidensha]

keitaidensha, you're a butt monkey that needs to stop dissin' on people for what you can't do!
so you're a psychologist now

may i see a degree? obviously you took some sort of course before you made the brilliant observation that i am only criticizing your work because i myself cannot write

or maybe you are full of shit

[belladonna]

if you continue to feel the need to bash it then i would very likely wonder why you would want to, especially since you have not, yourself, posted anything of any merit within this thread. i do not appreciate the fact that you do bash my work when you have told me yourself that you, yourself, cannot write a lick to save your life.

[belladonna]

is this better, i just wrote it a few minutes ago:

sting my heart
watch me bleed
i laugh in your face
as you watch me die

you thought that i would be hurt
i knew you were wrong
you pissed me off from the start
i should have listened to those that i could trust

but oh how you drew me in
oh how passion took over
drag the knife across my throat
that's what happened the day i fell for you

dying a little more each day
surrendering to make you happy
but you just treated me like meat
drugs and sex overtook your love for me

i thought that you loved me
i was a pawn on your chessboard
you were a liar and a cheat
and i stand alone in the corner,

i amdancing amongst the webs of spiders
which glisten like the finest garments of silk
because they will always be true
and they will never falter

[keitaidensha]

if you continue to feel the need to bash it then i would very likely wonder why you would want to, especially since you have not, yourself, posted anything of any merit within this thread. i do not appreciate the fact that you do bash my work when you have told me yourself that you, yourself, cannot write a lick to save your life.
except for all of the constructive criticism concerning the importance of adhering to meter and rhyme scheme, and expressing my distaste for patently emo lines on the grounds that they are cliched and trite, yes, i have not posted anything of merit

i already explained this to you: one does not have to be able to make something great to recognize greatness. i will never direct the next oscar-winning film, and yet i know that Wedding Crashers was funny, Osmosis Jones is shit and Million Dollar Baby was amazing. by the same token, i do not have to be a great poet to understand that "the fish" by marianne moore is great and this is horrible.

for what it's worth, professing my ineptitude at poetry was just self-deprecation; i have never seriously attempted a poetic endeavour, but am pretty sure that whatever i did would be better than this

is this better, i just wrote it a few minutes ago:

sting my heart
watch me bleed
i laugh in your face
as you watch me die

you thought that i would be hurt
i knew you were wrong
you pissed me off from the start
i should have listened to those that i could trust

but oh how you drew me in
oh how passion took over
drag the knife across my throat
that's what happened the day i fell for you

dying a little more each day
surrendering to make you happy
but you just treated me like meat
drugs and sex overtook your love for me

i thought that you loved me
i was a pawn on your chessboard
you were a liar and a cheat
and i stand alone in the corner,

i amdancing amongst the webs of spiders
which glisten like the finest garments of silk
because they will always be true
and they will never falter
no i actually like the last stanza but the rest is shit

[belladonna]

i am trying to get over a bad temper... my poetry may not be as good as dickinson, but it is a part of me... my poems are about things that are normal to teenaged girls internationally... they are meant to take the weight off of my chest that has been there for so long that has been pressed harder at some times, especially by certain people -- this is my heart on the screen, not just shallow words that are strung together because they are pretty

[keitaidensha]

i am trying to get over a bad temper... my poetry may not be as good as dickinson, but it is a part of me... my poems are about things that are normal to teenaged girls internationally... they are meant to take the weight off of my chest that has been there for so long that has been pressed harder at some times, especially by certain people -- this is my heart on the screen, not just shallow words that are strung together because they are pretty
if your heart were sung by a whiny, effeminate boy to screeching guitars and generic 4/4 drums it would be a hit single on alternative radio

[belladonna]

no, these are being sung by me... i have the range of an opera singer... i am a naturaly soprano, but i can sing an alto -- music is a huge part of my life, it just amazes me that someone could be so cruel without fully comprehending the situation... but no matter what, this is my soul and it has been given so that i can share it with others.

[keitaidensha]

no, these are being sung by me... i have the range of an opera singer... i am a naturaly soprano, but i can sing an alto -- music is a huge part of my life, it just amazes me that someone could be so cruel without fully comprehending the situation... but no matter what, this is my soul and it has been given so that i can share it with others.
welcome to planet earth

population: assholes

[belladonna]

not really... the majority of the people i know are actually quite nice...

[keitaidensha]

not really... the majority of the people i know are actually quite nice...
that's just what they want you to think

[belladonna]

no seriously... i'm the mean one out of my friends... it starts off subtle... but i can be a diabolical little thing

[OliveButtercup]

belladonna, you dont have to explain your art.. if they dont get it or dont apprieacate it then, tell them to suck a nut.

I agree. Bella, everyone's a critic. I'm sure if you wanted to get your poem/song proofread, you would have taken it to an English tutor.

[belladonna]

thank you and yes... i happen to like my poetry

[Dead Sexy Vocab]

You should use Linkin Park's "Crawling" as the music instrumental. :D

[Arkan]

I love desk.. I love rug..I love lamp, I love lamp.

[Dead Sexy Vocab]

There are assholes compared to good people, as there are the night to day.

There are people you can, and can change, and if they are being a total ass about it, flaunt your stuff, and say, "get laid." :p

[belladonna]

your poetry amazes me!

[Dead Sexy Vocab]

Arkan = Shake-spear of the 20th Century.

[belladonna]

tes, tes 'e does