Chuplayer
09-28-2005, 02:24 AM
WARNING: HOSPITAL STORY. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.
So, my left nut was hurting today and I had no idea why. My mom freaked out (as usual) and suspected testicular cancer. My dad suspected hernia. I suspected torsion, but I was all, "dude! my balls hurt!"
So I went to the doctor. I waited in the waiting room and read Ultimate Spider-Man. Then a nurse called me into a room. Little did I know she was HAWT. She asked me what was wrong. I looked down and said, "Something hurts." She then asked if it hurt when I went pee. I said no, it's lower and to the left, not the right. She took my tempurature. 99 degrees. LOL. I read some more Spidey, and then the doctor came in. He went through the whole thing about me being sexually active and I told him to look at my choice reading material. If that's not representative of how much action I get I don't know what is. He then felt around down there. I coughed and everything. Then he said to go to a radiologist. There were no radiologists available, so he said to go to the hospital and go to the emergency room. I was liek d00d im goin to teh hospital. HOT NURSES!
So I got there, and they took me in surprisingly fast. I took off my pants, got in the bed/stretcher thing, and within minutes I was wheeled off to radiology. Up to that point there were no HOT NURSES! Well, the one who took my blood pressure was all right, but other than that, nothing. But I did encounter man's greatest fear...
HOT FEMALE RADIOLOGIST EXAMINING THE GUYS.
It was the most fucked up experience of my life. The lights were down low, and then this hot chick walks in. My sack is hanging in the breeze. Unfortunately, the pain down there did nothing to keep the obvious from happening. BOING! She ignored that and proceeded to squirt some sort of ultrasound-preparing liquid all over my balls.
At that point, I had the strangest thought. "What would Maddox do?" I had to choke back my laughter so much.
Then she had to lift up the boys and set them up underneath something. I don't think this is what AC/DC meant when they said, "It is my belief that my big balls should be held every night." They were all ready and warm from that liquid before.
The ensuing fifteen minutes were the longest fifteen minutes ever to have been experienced by anybody ever in the history of anything. In what's probably the most hilarious scene possible, this incredibly beautiful woman was scanning my liquid-soaked gonads with this ultrasound thing all the while looking at the guys on the screen and listening to their blood flow. That's just not the sort of thing that I ever thought I would have to endure.
When it ended, she told me to clean up. She gave me a bunch of towels to wipe up all that liquidy stuff. I then took a piss and then got wheeled back to the previous room. I read more Ultimate Spidey. I finished the book, and then I was bored. I put my pants back on and waited for two hours more before they told me it was likely nothing and if the pain didn't go away in two or three days or if there was any swelling to come back because it may be a sign of an infection. Lucky me. At least it wasn't a hernia or cancer or torsion.
So here I am with an ice pack down my pants. Well, at least it makes me look like I have an incredibly huge package. Now I understand why girls stuff their bras. But why do I have to freeze down there?!
So, my left nut was hurting today and I had no idea why. My mom freaked out (as usual) and suspected testicular cancer. My dad suspected hernia. I suspected torsion, but I was all, "dude! my balls hurt!"
So I went to the doctor. I waited in the waiting room and read Ultimate Spider-Man. Then a nurse called me into a room. Little did I know she was HAWT. She asked me what was wrong. I looked down and said, "Something hurts." She then asked if it hurt when I went pee. I said no, it's lower and to the left, not the right. She took my tempurature. 99 degrees. LOL. I read some more Spidey, and then the doctor came in. He went through the whole thing about me being sexually active and I told him to look at my choice reading material. If that's not representative of how much action I get I don't know what is. He then felt around down there. I coughed and everything. Then he said to go to a radiologist. There were no radiologists available, so he said to go to the hospital and go to the emergency room. I was liek d00d im goin to teh hospital. HOT NURSES!
So I got there, and they took me in surprisingly fast. I took off my pants, got in the bed/stretcher thing, and within minutes I was wheeled off to radiology. Up to that point there were no HOT NURSES! Well, the one who took my blood pressure was all right, but other than that, nothing. But I did encounter man's greatest fear...
HOT FEMALE RADIOLOGIST EXAMINING THE GUYS.
It was the most fucked up experience of my life. The lights were down low, and then this hot chick walks in. My sack is hanging in the breeze. Unfortunately, the pain down there did nothing to keep the obvious from happening. BOING! She ignored that and proceeded to squirt some sort of ultrasound-preparing liquid all over my balls.
At that point, I had the strangest thought. "What would Maddox do?" I had to choke back my laughter so much.
Then she had to lift up the boys and set them up underneath something. I don't think this is what AC/DC meant when they said, "It is my belief that my big balls should be held every night." They were all ready and warm from that liquid before.
The ensuing fifteen minutes were the longest fifteen minutes ever to have been experienced by anybody ever in the history of anything. In what's probably the most hilarious scene possible, this incredibly beautiful woman was scanning my liquid-soaked gonads with this ultrasound thing all the while looking at the guys on the screen and listening to their blood flow. That's just not the sort of thing that I ever thought I would have to endure.
When it ended, she told me to clean up. She gave me a bunch of towels to wipe up all that liquidy stuff. I then took a piss and then got wheeled back to the previous room. I read more Ultimate Spidey. I finished the book, and then I was bored. I put my pants back on and waited for two hours more before they told me it was likely nothing and if the pain didn't go away in two or three days or if there was any swelling to come back because it may be a sign of an infection. Lucky me. At least it wasn't a hernia or cancer or torsion.
So here I am with an ice pack down my pants. Well, at least it makes me look like I have an incredibly huge package. Now I understand why girls stuff their bras. But why do I have to freeze down there?!