Moeko's Birthday

[Azrael]

Moeko's birthday is coming up in November. I definitely want to give her something, considering what she gave me earlier this year and the effect it had on me. But I'm struggling on what to do, and if it would be appropriate within the student-teacher boundaries. The ideas I've had so far...

-- Make something for her. I can't possibly produce anything of the same quality of the owl she gave me, but I can try at least.

-- Give her something of mine that has some importance/significance.

-- Give her a gift card to the local bookstore (she loves to read).

-- Allow maybe 10 or so people to send me a story about how the owl story touched them. Put them together in a card, and briefly explain that I talked about getting the gift from her in an online diary of mine, and many people read it and were touched by it.

Any thoughts/ideas?

[NERD]

Why don't you combine some of these instead of just 'a' gift? I think giving her something more practical like the gift card along with something you made/something you hold dear/or the card aforementioned would be quite nice.

I'm an avid reader, and one thing that made an impact on me is a book by my favorite author that I never read, with a note from the person that gave me the gift. Especially if the book is rare/expensive.

[megaversal]

I think a young Japanese girl might be a bit too embarrased to find out you posted about her (no matter how anonymously).

I like the idea of combining the gifts.. something practical (the book thing/writing pad/etc) and something of your own (a card with some simple English might go a long way too).

[Invictus]

Getting a book with a handwritten note sounds like the way to go. As I, too, have a passion for the written word, I know that a great book with a personal message is one of the best gifts one can get.

[NERD]

Of course, though I seriously doubt this, there's something wrong if Moeko's favorite author is Ryu Murakami.

[nawruz]

jumping in on the "book with hand written note" bandwagon...

seeing some personalized message on the first page of my books, never fails to make me smile. brings back fond memories.

alternatively, you could try whipping something up with clay. shouldn't be too difficult to find materials in Japan. something like a door sign with her name in clay. handpainted for that extra personalized touch.

[Ceirnian]

I say you give her something that has some importance to you, and write a note along with it. That would be the most meaningful in my eyes anyway. Or hell, give her a book that means alot to you with something written in it. If you can think of any that really helped forge who you are, or changed your way of thinking for the better. If the book is in english you'll be helping her reading ability along, she can come to you and discuss sections she doesn't understand. That might even closen the bond that you two seem to have formed.

The more I think about it, the more I'm liking it.

[Edit: Added abit, didn't change sentence structures. Consider this a rough draft of my thoughts]

[spaik]

depends. if you like to work with your hands and actually have some skill with it, why not make her something? whatever it is you can make, as long as it has that same sort of effort and heart into it, i'm certain she'd appreciate it.

doesn't need to be a handicraft either. could be some writing or something as well.

the whole getting other people's reactions thing is over the line i think. i mean, quite frankly, she made that because of you and your happiness, right? it may have touched all these people, but that was not her intent in the first place. in fact, she might be thinking that its something the two of you shared, a little moment, a private in-joke kinda deal, you know? no need to let her know about it.

what i WOULD do however, is let her know your reaction to it. make a direct translation of your post about it, translate it, and give that to her as well, and tell her that you write an online blog or diary or sorts, and that you wrote that when you got the owl, and how much of a difference she made (if she doesn't know already).

[nice gaijin]

try some origami perhaps if you want to do something handmade. Otherwise I think the gift certificate is a nice idea.

[Lateli]

Yeah, gift certificate! And a handmade card! Do all the card doodles yourself, then write something nice in it. (Yes, doodle! Doodles are cute, she'll like it I bet, I mean why not?..!)

[Beebs]

Off the top of my head:

Make a handmade card. If you're not a good artist, use cutouts of your face and hers. Make 3-4 part storyboard showing what you were like before you received the owl, when you got it, and what you were like afterwards (feel free to use my avatar to represent your ex ;) ). Write cute little notes in English and/or Japanese like she did in your card. Finally, no joke, Scotch tape the exact amount of change for a vending machine pop at the end of the card and write something along the lines of, "If this card sucks, at least you got a free pop out of it!"

Like I said, off the top of my head.

[Tenlaius]

Moeko's birthday is coming up in November. I definitely want to give her something, considering what she gave me earlier this year and the effect it had on me. But I'm struggling on what to do, and if it would be appropriate within the student-teacher boundaries. The ideas I've had so far...

-- Make something for her. I can't possibly produce anything of the same quality of the owl she gave me, but I can try at least.

-- Give her something of mine that has some importance/significance.

-- Give her a gift card to the local bookstore (she loves to read).

-- Allow maybe 10 or so people to send me a story about how the owl story touched them. Put them together in a card, and briefly explain that I talked about getting the gift from her in an online diary of mine, and many people read it and were touched by it.

Any thoughts/ideas?

What she give you?

Also...just do a bit of all of the ideas...show her your a really good guy. Just pray she doesn't tell your gf and she gets the wrong idea

[Zonehunter1]

Read the editorial Moeko's Owl. You'll understand.

Also why not do a combination of the things?

[Trump]

Put together a picture album or scrapbook kind of thing. I bet she would really love that and I would consider it very personal without crossing the line.

[Seg_fault]

Nothing original here, but if you get her a book, you could always make her a book-mark to go with it.

It wouldn't have to be super fancy, but you could have something handwritten in japanese on one side and perhaps something in english on the other or maybe a drawing done by you, or a picture of yourself. Since you made it she'd probably love it, and it would have a practical use as well.

[koku]

I would make something if you wanted it to be 'extra' special. You could always go the gift route, and it works if you know what they like, but no matter how skilled you are - or not ^^ - at crafting things, it's just a lot more personal and I think as a female student she would like it better over a gift card.


That's what me thinks anyways.

[stsparky]

Gah. Don't tell her you shared the experience of getting the owl with many people. Japanese people are "shy".

Do tell her the owl and the friendship it represents are very important to you in a handmade card. I like the idea of using many pictures to make a special bookmark as well. The 'gift card' will allow her to choose a book she wants to read.

One idea more - in your handmade birthday card - tell her of your favorite books when you were her age. - Sparky

[Antinomia]

One idea more - in your handmade birthday card - tell her of your favorite books when you were her age. - Sparky

Maybe a better idea to tell us about the books first. I dont know if she's interested in Transformer comicbooks or the book version of the worst porn ever...

I like the idea of doing something handmade though. You can combine some of the options (i love that idea of the gift card, it's perfect! Perhaps writing something in it), but don't overdo it. She's not your lover, and maybe other students will hear about your gifts as well and get jealous ;)

oh, what day in november is it? It's my birthday as well then ^_^

[Sedated]

I think you'll just want to give her something that shows you put the same thought, care and effort in to her gift that she gave to yours.

[CNagy]

What has always worked for me (both in friendship gifts and otherwise) has been a personal object that has some sentimental value. Include with it a handwritten note explaining the object and telling its story in relation to your life-- give the item a history. Most people become touched that you would part with such an item, and develop a sentimental attachment to it based on the attachment you had and wrote them about.

[zell583]

i say combine the gifts to show how much the gift she gave you had an impact on your life AZ, i think she at least derserves to know how it made you feel at the time.

[Godon]

My suggestion is that you include something to let her know that what she did for you last year was specail, though I wouldn't say neccicarily ten stories unless you want to let her know that you posted this to hundred of people. The other side is that I would suggest you make her something. You may not be able to make something in the same way she did for you, but you can produce something else~ You should start messing around with ideas now so that you can have made something presentible by the time her birthday comes around. I would personally, out of your four ideas, give her 1 definitally, 2 probibally, 3 maybe, and 4 definitally. I say 4 mainly because since it stood out so strongly to you. I think you should let her know that her deed did not go unoticed.

Of course, however you go about doing these things is up to you, but if you want more specific suggestions I'll be sure to post again.


::Edit:: When I said 4 definitely I meant you let her know that it was important not neccicarily tell her that you've got it on the internet.

[co_delphi]

This may be a stupid idea, but I would suggest a picture of you with the owl in a nice picture frame. Also you mentioned before that many of the students in your class are addicted to sticky pictures, would you say this is a universal addiction?

[mediocre]

To jump on the "not informing a small innocent girl that her deeds have been spread around the internet" bandwagon: best to keep that to yourself.

I'd buy (if I available) a reasonable english book/novel of her level -- you are an english teacher after all. Maybe an advanced children's book, with those nice drawings or somesuch.

and/or a japanese book of something that interests her or by an author she likes.

In addition, a handwritten note thanking her for her gift and best wishes for her birthday is nice.

I like the idea of a photo of her owl, she did make that for you and it is important to you. Not sure if a picture of the owl and you going gaijin-thumbs-up is the way to go, but a picture of the owl on your... mantle (I write that with as much sarcasm as one can when typing on the internet, knowing your apartment situation). On your tv, on your chair, your table, whatever makes a photogenic scene; and, gives the impression that the owl isn't in closet somewhere: it is part of your room/life.

[ESPayne]

I'd say try to find some gloves or a scarf with owls on them. Something like that.

[stsparky]

See if THE SECRET OF NIMH (http://www.amazon.co.jp/exec/obidos/ASIN/6305161887/qid=1127867660/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_0_1/250-0296818-4098627) is available? Or Labryinth? Both kinda feature owls ... oooooooooo - The Harry Potter DVDs? - Sparky

PS She's the right demographic for all the above.

[ESPayne]

See if THE SECRET OF NIMH (http://www.amazon.co.jp/exec/obidos/ASIN/6305161887/qid=1127867660/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_0_1/250-0296818-4098627) is available? Or Labryinth? Both kinda feature owls ... oooooooooo - The Harry Potter DVDs? - Sparky

PS She's the right demographic for all the above.

Actually, Labyrith was just re-released as a special edition over here. That might be a good idea!

[Beebs]

Actually, Labyrith was just re-released as a special edition over here. That might be a good idea!
Ugh. Those orange b*tches who kept on detatching and re-attaching their heads freaked the living hell outta me. I still shudder when I see that scene. If a lil moth/butterfly can envoke such fear, that would probably kill them. :D

[Katiekoneko]

Actually, Labyrith was just re-released as a special edition over here. That might be a good idea!

Man! I wish I could buy a copy. I collect labyrinth stuff

And I think all of your ideas are extreemly sweet Az. And I think she would appreciate ANYTHING. From your editorial she seemed so nice and I bet she would just love anything. She'd just be happy you remembered :)

[NERD]

Giving her something related to owls just because she gave him a handmade owl is a stupid idea.

Giving a movie/book as a gift is a bit risky. If the person likes it, fine, great, super. If she doesn't, it's just gonna sit somewhere gathering dust. On hindsight, gift card may be the most practical and safe gift. Along with a nice card full of gratitude.

[I ARE 1031]

Give her a hug and kiss, she will treasure it. If that is out of the question for you I agree that you should get her a combo of all the gifts you mentioned in your initial post.

[Silverback]

There are a lot of good ideas here, Az, and I do agree you need to mark her birthday with something special. It was special to you, and frankly it's moving even to me when I re-read that editorial. And I of course have never met either of you.

I like the "buy her a special book" idea, but only if you can pick one you have some confidence in. Otherwise go for a hand written card and a gift-card to the book store.

Another nice touch mentioned would be a bookmarker. Cute, personal, yet not over the top. And if it had an owl pic on it (or if you put a sticker-pic of the owl she made you on the back) it would be a personal touch.

I do think she needs to know how much that owl meant to you.

[Varia]

I think that something simple would have the most effect. A letter telling her about how her owl helped you, and that you are happy, so she can be happy, too, on her special day.

But to be honest, I think you have already kind of screwed yourself by asking people on your forums. It is no longer a gift truly from your heart, which is the most important thing. I don't believe Moeko needed anything else besides her heart to let her know that she had to make you that owl.

Heart to heart, give her "Azrael's owl".

[bkun]

Azrael, I would suggest you tell her personally how heartfelt her gift to you was. No handwritten letter will ever measure up to a direct approach confession on her gift. To add to the incentive after you tell her how her gift affected your life, give her something that you yourself HAND-made. Handmade gifts definetely beats anything bought in my book, unless she is a materialistic individual, where i doubt. I know you stated that you abhor in handcrafting gifts, but TRY, buy some books on making stuff, google it or ask some friends that know info on this area. Maybe you can knit her a scarf? :D Winter is coming up and it does get cold in Japan, thus she'll be thinking of you when she wears your HANDmade scarf =)

Anyhoo, Good Luck!

P.S. This feels very Densha Otoko-ish

[Arctic_Slicer]

Honestly I think you would be best off by ignoring everything posted here and giving her what you feel would be best. No one on these forums know the situation better than you as such no one is more qualified than you to figure out what would be the best gift for her.

[NERD]

Honestly I think you would be best off by ignoring everything posted here and giving her what you feel would be best. No one on these forums know the situation better than you as such no one is more qualified than you to figure out what would be the best gift for her.

Well damn it, he was the one who asked in the first place.

[seijihuzz01]

Out of curiosity, how would you handle giving her a present, presumably in private, and not having her get all embarassed by the rest of her classmates who would tease her (and you) unmercifully about your newfound romance? :) Difficult to single somebody out there...

A book in English is a good idea (might set a precedent for having to give them to the rest of the class for their birthdays too, but although pricey, that might be a good idea... at least they'd get SOMEthing besides rote memorization 'this is a pen!'), and I think it'd say 'Happy Birthday, thank you, I think you'll enjoy this' w/o saying 'I'm a 25-yr-old foreign guy giving fancy presents to my female students.' You could always write a simple note in it saying thanks for the owl.

/done playing devil's advocate

[Tenlaius]

Read the editorial Moeko's Owl. You'll understand.

changed due to thinking of something else...

[Zonehunter1]

....The hell is wrong with you?

[Tenlaius]

nothing..i forgot what i was typing about for a sec..then went back to hurry and make sure what i was talking about.
OK to clear things...that was nice of her. That owl seems to have taken..about maybe 8-12 hours at the least. And like Az himself said..the picture had to take a bit. Suprising what 2 little gifts(not exactly little though) can do to someone.

[ESPayne]

Man! I wish I could buy a copy. I collect labyrinth stuff

And I think all of your ideas are extreemly sweet Az. And I think she would appreciate ANYTHING. From your editorial she seemed so nice and I bet she would just love anything. She'd just be happy you remembered :)

If you want, I'll scan some concept drawings that came with it.

[bloop]

To add to all of the other "don't tell her about posting it online" sentiments, she might end up asking to see this online journal of yours or go looking for it herself. Seems like that would be a very bad thing.

No new ideas to add, but I think anything from you would be appreciated. She'll probably be happy just knowing you cared enough to remember her birthday.

[co_delphi]

Actually, Labyrith was just re-released as a special edition over here. That might be a good idea!

Yes..... this is a fantastic idea. Traumatize the little girl with David Bowies oversized spandex clad penis.

[ArkAngel]

Give her your love....I always wanted love.

That or a naruto stuffed doll.

[Godon]

I think he is trying to avoid the childmolester thing. Then again, he'd probly get away with it... It IS Japan afterall.

[Frankey-eh]

I don't think you shouldn't give ANY gifts.

1. You are the teacher. By trying to give her a birthday gift to "return the favor" is essentially putting yourself at an equal status as the student. Like a peer. That's less acceptable in Japan than in America (such as the usage of "sensei"), and it's already unacceptable in America (with the usage of Mr. and Mrs.)

2. You should be treating all your students equally. I know she did something special, something very meaningful to you, but that still doesn't justify it. Personally I hate teacher who plays favorites, but more than that, it'll put her in a difficult situation. (continuing below)

3. She will be in a vulnerable situation for bullying. Imagine if other kids find out about it. Maybe someone's been trying really hard to get your attention, yet you don't notice it and instead pay attention to someone else. That person might feel hurt that he was rejected while she wasn't. Like Cain and Abel story in the bible. Then, out of jealousy, she might be put in danger.

4. How will you face YOUR peers? It'll certainly look strange to other teachers.

There's nothing worse than an ENGLISH teacher who plays favorites, because ENGLISH is a subjective area to start with.

[Katiekoneko]

If you want, I'll scan some concept drawings that came with it.
that would be awesome!!!!!

[Katiekoneko]

Yes..... this is a fantastic idea. Traumatize the little girl with David Bowies oversized spandex clad penis.

His Cod-piece in that movie is hot
*lol*

[ESPayne]

that would be awesome!!!!!

I let someone borrow it, but I should have it back next week. I'll scan them when I get the movie back.

[I ARE 1031]

I don't think you shouldn't give ANY gifts.

1. You are the teacher. By trying to give her a birthday gift to "return the favor" is essentially putting yourself at an equal status as the student. Like a peer. That's less acceptable in Japan than in America (such as the usage of "sensei"), and it's already unacceptable in America (with the usage of Mr. and Mrs.)

2. You should be treating all your students equally. I know she did something special, something very meaningful to you, but that still doesn't justify it. Personally I hate teacher who plays favorites, but more than that, it'll put her in a difficult situation. (continuing below)

3. She will be in a vulnerable situation for bullying. Imagine if other kids find out about it. Maybe someone's been trying really hard to get your attention, yet you don't notice it and instead pay attention to someone else. That person might feel hurt that he was rejected while she wasn't. Like Cain and Abel story in the bible. Then, out of jealousy, she might be put in danger.

4. How will you face YOUR peers? It'll certainly look strange to other teachers.

There's nothing worse than an ENGLISH teacher who plays favorites, because ENGLISH is a subjective area to start with.


Here is an example of someone who cares WAY too much about what other people think. Also, a pessimist who expects the worst out of people.

[megaversal]

Here is an example of someone who cares WAY too much about what other people think. Also, a pessimist who expects the worst out of people.

He does have some points though... Japan is much more concerned with ranking and levels, although they waver for foreigners. Overall, he has some validity with everything he said, but there are always exceptions, and the way it sounds to me, Az has a knack for treating all of his students as if they were special.

There's always that delicate line when teaching... keeping a level of friendship that still makes you "the teacher" at the end of the day. I think it helps when the teacher is right up on that line, showing how much he or she cares about the students, while still retaining their respect.

[Dead Sexy Vocab]

Give her Az's Owl! (with sequence!)

Nice card with sappy stuff (if you want), and maybe buy something that's worth it for her, but not too extravagant. If the other students see you doing this, they might beg you to buy them stuff on their birthdays, so yeah.

Mein two cents.

[Dana]

rika I appreciate what you are saying and I have faced this dilemma myself at least a dozen times here, but I feel that action not only deserves reaction, I think its unavoidable. My opinion is that I am not Japanese, and I was brought here specifically to be an example of not Japanese. Therefore, I try to act true to myself as much as possible. When one of my students treats me specially, I treat them specially. I don't go out of my way to play favorites and I try my hardest to get to know everyone, but at the end of the day there are just some students I have a relationship with and some that I don't and there are specific reasons for that.

I don't think Az would give her this present in front of her classmates in a huge ceremony, thus if she wanted to she could very easily keep the exchange quiet. As for what his peers would think of him, I don't know about Az's situation, but my fellow teachers have encouraged the personal relationships I have formed with some of my students.

Az I think, like a lot of people, that a combination of things would be the best thing for the situation. She will love something handmade, I am sure, and the gift-certificate idea is just a really good idea. Good luck!

[Frankey-eh]

my fellow teachers have encouraged the personal relationships I have formed with some of my students.

So...you are saying I should get in-depth about the teacher's private, social life in order to understand it, and to act like a counselor and cheer that "teacher" up. (Who's the teacher and who's the student here, by the way?)

As a teacher (assuming you are), do you feel comfortable being equal to students like that? I was always under the impression that teachers want a certain degree of professional relation with the students.

[Dana]

I am not a real teacher, lets not make the mistake of thinking I am. I have absolutely no formal education in... education. I am here as an English dancing-monkey, and to answer your question, yes I feel completely comfortable being on an "equal level" with the students. Maybe its because I am American... I doubt it though. It may just be me.

The kids I have a relationship with are not "in-depth" in my personal life, but they take the time to talk to me. They remember things I tell them, like when my birthday is, what color I like, what food I eat, etc. Hell, they take the time to learn how to properly pronounce my name. I just feel there are some kids who give a crap about the fact that I am here, and some could really not care less. So I feel closer to those kids who show me that they want to get to know me.

[Roxie]

-- Make something for her. I can't possibly produce anything of the same quality of the owl she gave me, but I can try at least.

-- Give her something of mine that has some importance/significance.

-- Give her a gift card to the local bookstore (she loves to read).

-- Allow maybe 10 or so people to send me a story about how the owl story touched them. Put them together in a card, and briefly explain that I talked about getting the gift from her in an online diary of mine, and many people read it and were touched by it.

Any thoughts/ideas?
It seems the last idea encompasses nearly all of them. I think this is best. Along with the giftcard.

[Azrael]

But to be honest, I think you have already kind of screwed yourself by asking people on your forums. It is no longer a gift truly from your heart, which is the most important thing. I don't believe Moeko needed anything else besides her heart to let her know that she had to make you that owl.
It's not like I'm going to read the thread and think "Oh, that sounds nice! I'll do that." I mostly just wanted a public forum off of which to bounce some ideas off of, and this served that purpose. If nothing else, the thread discouraged me from a few bad ideas, so I'm glad for that.

I don't think you shouldn't give ANY gifts.

1. You are the teacher. By trying to give her a birthday gift to "return the favor" is essentially putting yourself at an equal status as the student. Like a peer.
I don't adhere to the whole teacher/student stuff much. Of course I keep distance where appropriate, but I don't mind sitting down with them and talking about personal stuff, or stuff about the school system they hate but could never say to one of the Japanese teachers. With all the authority figures who order them around on a daily basis, it doesn't hurt to have one ear that'll actually listen to their problems from time to time.

2. You should be treating all your students equally.
...I do.

Moeko won't be the first student I've given something to. Glenda actually gave me chocolates for Valentines Day, so the next year I gave her chocolates for White Day (she understood I wasn't actually saying "let's date!" much as I understood that her gesture wasn't "I want to date you"). When playing Quiz Millionaire once, I surprised the winners by giving them envelopes containing some American money (souvenir value). There's other random assorted stuff as well. Nothing big or major, just little stuff that'll make em smile.

Whatever I do for Moeko, isn't something I wouldn't be willing to do for any other student.

3. She will be in a vulnerable situation for bullying.
Doubt the other students will find out. She isn't really one to brag.

Even if they did, doubt they'd care. I gave Glenda her chocolates in front of her friends, and as I explained why I was giving them they all expressed regret they didn't give me chocolate on Valentines Day. I joked around with them and said "There's always next year girls".

4. How will you face YOUR peers? It'll certainly look strange to other teachers.
They'll probably never know, and even if they did, they wouldn't care. Most of them know she gave me the owl and know it had a lot of importance to me.

'Sides, some of them have favorites of their own anyway. The English teacher at this school flat out told me she wanted to do everything she could to help Ultimate Sweetness win a recent speech contest, despite one of the other students from our school also being in the same contest/division (she got 3rd, while Sweetness didn't place).


Anyway, I'm going to close this thread, because I now know what I'm going to do for Moeko. Incidentally, the answer came from Moeko herself.

If someone wants to discuss some of the side-topics that came up in this thread, feel free to make a new one.

[I ARE 1031]

You forgot to close it...

[Roxie]

In Before Lock!!

[Godon]

I didn't get the impression he was going to close it.

Anyway, glad to be of some small service to you Az ;P

[sakana]

GRAAAARGH!!!!! I made this awesome movie just now about Az and Meoko's owl and it explained the whole story and then Flash just closed out all of a sudden and I didn't save it! I really wanted to show it to you guys...:(