Is this what natto tastes liked?

[Eddie Echoplex]

I know the natto craze died out, but still, I found this article from this link (http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat_steve_dont_eat_it.php) to be hilarious:

http://www.thesneeze.com/art/natto/container_150.jpgNatto

I recently came across a container of fermented soybeans in the supermarket. I don't mean an old container of soybeans some stockboy forgot to toss. These are fermented-on-purpose soybeans from Japan. That's what Natto is.

I remembered hearing about this stuff on Iron Chef one time when it was the secret ingredient. The judges in the show were commenting on what a great job the chefs had done to "supress the smell" of the natto. I'm no Iron Chef, but I've got a clever way to supress the smell. Don't put it in your fucking food. I might not win "Battle Natto," but I promise you my dinner won't smell like stank-ass soybeans.

I found it slightly unsettling that the sealed styrofoam container had creepy little airholes in it. As if what was inside needed to breathe. I dared to lift the lid, which made me regret that I needed to breathe. The natto was coated in some kind of sick slime and had the complex yet playful aroma of a dumpster in July.

Actually, the little pile inside looked kinda like baked beans. It also smelled kinda like baked beans. If they were baked in the filthy heat of Satan's asshole.

http://www.thesneeze.com/art/natto/congealed_300.jpg

This particular batch was made by a company in Japan called Shirakiku. I haven't been able to determine if Shirakiku is a food manufacturer, or just a store that sells gag gifts and practical jokes. It might be both.

Not unlike Michael Jackson, these harmless soybeans had undergone some kind of hideous transformation. They were now a freakish version of their former selves. (Which, coincidentally, should also be kept away from your children.)

The most disturbing aspect of this stuff is it seems to get "activated" when you stir it. What I mean by this is, (and I may actually weep, but...) the slimy coating on the beans develops into stringy, stretchy, marshmallow-like strands that will forever haunt my dreams.

http://www.thesneeze.com/art/natto/dripping300_304.jpg

Basically, if you move it back and forth enough, you're left with a gross, sticky mess. (Hey, natto and I have at least one thing in common!) And now that I think about it, that's exactly what it looks like the pranksters back at Shirakiku did into my beans. You guuuys!

I force-fed myself a big ol' spoonful, and found it to be slightly rancid and extremely bitter. Unfortunately, swallowing didn't help dissipate the flavor because the strings of bean jizz melted, coating my mouth and lips with a glistening sheen of sadness.

The entire experience is difficult to describe, but if you can remember back to the very first time you made out with a hobo's ass, it's a lot like that.

What I find most hilarious is that there is an expiration date on the package. What could they possibly expect to happen to the product on this date THAT HAS NOT ALREADY OCCURRED?!!!

Also, nestled in this mound of compost was a li'l packet of mustard. In its place, I would strongly suggest a written apology.

I do have one last theory about the date on the package. It may be an expiration date, but not for the beans. If you finish the container, that's the day you die.

To me at least, and that's because I studied Clinical Laboratory in highschool, natto looks lik... Well, crap from someone suffering from either food poisoning or shigellosis.

[Eddie Echoplex]

Yay, typos in the threat title, which I can't correct!.

[MNJetter]

I love natto. I've never been able to smell this awful thing that a lot of people complain about. Maybe I'm just genetically unable to smell it or something, because if you put the mustard and sauce on it, it actually does taste a lot like baked beans. And I love baked beans.

[Urameshi YuSooKey]

Yay, typos in the threat title, which I can't correct!.
I see another one.

[Digital Masta]

I honestly believe that it's not that Japanese people love natto, it's just that they've been eating it since before they can remember so they just eat it. I've even asked them, have you ever actually craved natto or do you just see it there and go "Oh there's natto, let me have some."

It's not so much the taste, I despise the texture. I cannot eat slimey or gooey things, it makes me want to vomit. It's for this reason that I don't like bananas either.

I also hate the stringy-ness of it.

[RoxFontaine]

I remember the first time I saw it. I was like, "WTF!?" My wife insisted I try it and I was like, "Heeeeellllll NO!" One day, sick and tired of hearing her say it, I tried it and it wasn't as bad as I expected, but I still didn't like it.

Sometime well after that, I was at school one day and it was served for lunch. The kids were like, "I bet you he can't eat it!" They were correct. However, some little angel sat next to me and said, "It's really good. You just have to know how to eat it." He then poured the sauce and mustard into it and stirred it up for me. Then he dropped it on the rice and said try it.

I did. My life was changed. Shit is off the chains. It's a mess to eat, but the taste is really good.

[Eddie Echoplex]

I see another one.

I intended that one.

I'm open when it comes to food. I always love to try the weird things at least once. Natto's texture though, it looks nasty, and like I said, it reminds me of bad stuff that happens to you when you eat that can of pork & beans that expired 4 days ago.

I'd still give it a try, though; at least for the novelty of it.

[ParryDat]

Does that stringy stuff taste like cheese :boggled:

[Digital Masta]

Like I said, I cannot stomach the texture.

[MEGA SATAN 3000]

I tried it once, but I wasn't sure how to prepare it. . .I microwaved it to warm it up and added the mustard.

It was kinda weird. . .no flavor at all at first, but then each bite made it worse and worse.

[silentplummet]

Shirakiku is my preferred brand of natto in Hawaii.

To answer someone's question, yes, I have craved natto and at one point used to eat it every day. I didn't feel like I could calm down after dinner unless I finished it off with a container of this stuff.

Not so much anymore, but it's not so much that my attitude has changed as that now I'm living away from home and there are more compelling things to spend money on.

[Plekto]

okay - this is like homemade cookies or marshmallows or tofu. The stuff that you get in a store is literally like comparing cheese spread to the real thing. Of course it's nasty as foot fungus and tastes about as good.

Good, properly made natto isn't so awful. I presonally don't like the taste, but it's not much worse than a lot of other ethnic foods. Kinchi is a good example that comes to mind. Homemade is nothing like the ick that you get out of a jar.

[zakuchan]

In my Japanese class at college, this one (white) guy who had done a summer abroad in Japan decided to make natto for everyone in class for a presentation assignment. The entire classroom smelled like sweaty gym socks that had been left in a dark locker for a week and were getting moldy. Even our Japanese sensei refused to go near it. With a weary expression on his face he said "I don't like natto." I thought that was pretty hilarious.

If I remember correctly, it didn't actually TASTE that bad notwithstanding the unbearable smell.

[RandomPasserby]

I'm getting a deja vu from this thread?

[Micah the Great]

Yes, it was a couple months ago.

Also, natto is obviously terrible.

[羽之助]

Natto is great, I can't smell a thing wrong with it, and I'd like some right now.

And many Japanese people do not like natto, but they cannot say so because only foreigners dislike natto.

Also, I had congealed pig's blood at a Chinese restaurant on the weekend. It was pretty good.

[RoxFontaine]

^ You know, I don't smell it so much now either. I actually had some mini cups of natto with me, but I can't eat fermented or raw foods at the moment.

[mikem]

And many Japanese people do not like natto, but they cannot say so because only foreigners dislike natto.


You people don't seem to care about this sort of stuff. I was on a trip with college kids this weekend and I was one of the few people who ate the stuff. Everyone else was like, "Why are you even eating that. Don't you know it tastes bad?"

I guess it's dying out like whale meat.

[Ichisan]

It's not so much the taste, I despise the texture. I cannot eat slimey or gooey things, it makes me want to vomit. It's for this reason that I don't like bananas either.

I was completely with you on that until the part where you mentioned bananas, where you lost me.

[4letterwords]

I think its pretty good. I mix it with soy sauce and a little (AMERICAN) mustard and green onions... Pretty dang good. Tangy and salty... good in the morning with rice. But I do agree that Japanese people don't really like, LOVE natto... they just eat it because. But honestly, I don't LOVE peanut butter and jelly, but I'll eat it cause its there... ya know?

[Digital Masta]

I was completely with you on that until the part where you mentioned bananas, where you lost me.

For me bananas are mushy and I hate that feeling when I chew on them.

[ESPayne]

My mom says that I used to love natto when I was a baby. I like to point out to her that during that time I was drooling and shitting my pants. Ha!

[mpz]

Natto was a big fucking anticlimax when I finally got to eat it. I expected to conquer it like Mt. Everest since the general opinion was that it's impossible to eat, etc. The natto, that is. Mt. Everest is not to be eaten.

It didn't even smell that bad. I don't know if I had a cold or something, but even after stirring it around it only had a faint aroma of.. raw "something". It tasted quite good in fact, both with and without the mustard.

Definitely one of the more easier "supposedly disgusting" foods I've eaten.

[atomiton]

I don't think Japanese people eat it "just because." It's probably more accurate to say some eat it despite not liking it. Natto is one of those foods which is extremely good for you. The protein strands it makes when you mix it all up are rich in amino acids and stuff...

My wife loves Natto, I don't mind it, but her parents don't like it. However, they do eat it.

hey mpz... what were some of the more "difficult" ethnic foods you've eaten?

Anyone try Durian?

[nanashi]

Durian... The texture bothered me more than the taste so I only ate a few bites. To me it tasted like garlic mangos. Not bad, but with that texture it just was strange eating it.

I've tried natto a couple times and the most I can eat at any given time was a bite. It's just tastes like spoiled soybeans (which is what it is..) to me and I have a terrible gag reflex to foods I dislike. It's more fun convincing people to eat it.

I've tried goat brains at a Pakastini place once. Now those were good.

[Masa the Masta]

If you're Mexican, you're bound to eat anything once you've grown up with some foods that may come across your plate once in awhile if you're lucky (Tacos de cesos, Menudo [really common honestly], tacos de lengua, etc). Natto I'd probably try once.

[mikem]

I've eaten grasshoppers here. They were pretty good actually except for the weird body parts you get stuck in your teeth. They taste kind of like rasins.

[Roxie]

If you're Mexican, you're bound to eat anything once you've grown up with some foods that may come across your plate once in awhile if you're lucky (Tacos de cesos, Menudo [really common honestly], tacos de lengua, etc). Natto I'd probably try once.
What about Cuitlacoche (http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000344.php)?

Cuitlacoche

Cuitlacoche is a black fungus that infects corn fields, making the kernels bulbous and swollen as they fill with spores. It also goes by the name Huitlacoche. If you're having trouble with the pronounciation, it's: Cuitlacoche (kweet-lah-KOH-chay) or Huitlacoche (dat-sfuckin-NAS-tee).
http://www.thesneeze.com/art/huitlacoche/closed_can_floor.jpg
It's safe to say this is the first time I've ever paid for an infection. I am, of course, not counting the one I got from your mother. (YES! You walked right into that.)

I've read that U.S. farmers consider it a disease and destroy it. Farmers in Mexico put it in cans and sell it as a delicacy. I travelled far and wide to find my own precious can of Cuitlacoche. Okay, it was at my supermarket, but I had to drive like two miles to get there and got stuck at a couple of lights.

Enough chit-chat. I'm gonna go dine on a can of disease. But before I do, I really do feel bad about that cheap mother joke. My sincere apologies to you and your lovely mom. (The filthy whore.) Be right back!
http://www.thesneeze.com/art/huitlacoche/open_can300.jpg
Oh, sweet Christ. Visually, I think the bar for Steve, Don't Eat It! is about to be set at a new low. So I'm going to ease you people into this one. Let's begin with a single spore-filled kernel before we examine the entire contents.

The following picture is a swear-to-God-unretouched-side-by-side comparison of a normal kernel of corn and an infected huitlacoche kernel, both from the same can.
http://www.thesneeze.com/art/huitlacoche/side_by_side2.jpg
These results can also be achieved by bombarding a kernel of corn with gamma rays and then making it angry. (But be warned. You won't like it when it's angry.)

Alright, you've waited long enough.

Presenting the entire can of imported sludge (that I was actually charged money for)...

Don't worry, I checked the ingredients before I tasted it. "Smoker's lung" was not on there.
http://www.thesneeze.com/art/huitlacoche/full_can_branded.jpg
Before I even got the whole can open, I detected a vague aroma of sweet corn, along with what I can only describe as a deep musky funk. Put 'em together and it smells like corn that forgot to wipe.

In just a single serving, you'll experience a wide array of textures. Without getting too gross, it's because the disease is more advanced in some kernels than others. One bite might be kinda chewy, while the next might burst in your mouth like a black pus-filled blister. (Whoops, forgot about the not-too-gross thing. Oh well. Nuts to you!)

So, how does Huitlacoche taste? Does it matter?? LOOK AT IT!

I guess it would be fair to say it doesn't taste as truly horrible as it looks. The flavor is elusive and difficult to describe, but I'll try: "Kinda yucky." Hey, that wasn't so hard after all. (Sometimes I forget I'm a goddamn wordsmith.)

For any connoisseurs, I'm not sure if this stuff would go better with red wine or white. How about with a bottle of Bactine? I've always found that goes great with infections.

Huitlacoche also goes by some other names. It's frequently called Maize Mushroom, Corn Smut, and Mexican Truffle. I've even heard it referred to as "Devil Poop"-- but that was only after I said it. (For God's sake, it comes with little bits of corn already in it! Talk about a time-saver.)
http://www.thesneeze.com/art/huitlacoche/whitecan.jpg
I thought it was interesting that Monteblanco chose to make their company logo the focal point of the can. I also found a can of huitlacoche from Goya. They, too, have downplayed the visuals by hiding it in a mild-mannered burrito.
http://www.thesneeze.com/art/huitlacoche/goya300.jpg
I went ahead and made a new can label for the gang back at Cuitlacoche Central. As always, this is a free service.
http://www.thesneeze.com/art/huitlacoche/ogod300.jpg
Well, that brings us to the end of a long overdue Steve, Don't Eat It! And now I have a belly full of diseased corn. Maybe I should go see a doctor about a penicillin shot.

For your mom. (YES! In your face! Oh man...)

[Eddie Echoplex]

If you're Mexican, you're bound to eat anything once you've grown up with some foods that may come across your plate once in awhile if you're lucky (Tacos de cesos, Menudo [really common honestly], tacos de lengua, etc). Natto I'd probably try once.

I kinda like menudo, but quoting George Lopez: "Menudo is made from pig parts that the pig doesn't want back". I've eaten tripe (to be more accurate, cow intestines that were grilled and put in a taco. They're delicious, believe me), brain quesadillas are downright creepy (because in the Heart of Mexico QUESADILLAS DON'T HAVE CHEESE! WTF is up with that!? D: ).

Ah, huitlacoche. The thing is, you don't want that in canned form. Huitlacoche is to be eaten fresh and in corn tortillas.

Also, I don't like huitlacoche.

But here's something I'd like to eat:

http://argentina.hautetfort.com/album/mi_buenos_aires_querido/choripan.3.jpg

Basically, it's just chorizo and bread*. So most likely I'll just buy a couple of loafs of bread and some chorizo and I'm set :) .

*Argentinian fast food. It's called choripan.