Gaijin Smash: Train Warrior Pt. II (Nov 20/07)

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Train Warrior Pt. II - November 20, 2007

I didn't think I'd be giving the first entry the Hollywood Treatment, but there have been some new developments.

First, updates on the current players. Today, Massive Melon Tits sits on me. SITS. ON. ME.

When I get on the train, initially there are little to no seats. However, at the next stop, a significant number of people get off the train, which means I can usually grab a seat. Having taken this train for almost a year now, I can recognize exactly who is going to get up, and make it a point to stand near them. Massive Melon Tits gets on the train at the next stop...usually, all the people who got on at my stop take all the now-vacant seats, which means that Massive Melon Tits and her group have to fight over the scraps. Usually, MMT doesn't bother to sit down, just stands by the door.

But today, as I grabbed a seat, there were two empty seats next to me (my Gaijin Perimeter at work?). MMT boards the train with a friend, and with the seats still open, they go to sit down, with MMT next to me. I guess she just miscalculated her ass-to-seat trajectory*, and landed right on me. "Sorry" she briefly says, before sliding down off me, but as the seats are now cramped, she's still kind of riding my thigh a little bit.

Now, most vigorous young men would be quite happy to have a big-titted girl sit on their lap. Certainly, I've paid to go to places where women do exactly that. However, as MMT landed on me this morning, the only thing I could think was "Goddayum! This bitch is heavy!" Remember that MMT is a big girl, even by Western standards. I'm sure her mammaries alone are roughly as heavy as Gary Coleman. My thighs still hurt. It makes me wonder about my other black brethren, who love thick girls with big asses. How do you do it? I'm not speaking metaphorically, I mean, how do you have sex with her on top? I mean, I merely got squashed by a larger than average Japanese girl. Unless she wasn't trying to just sit down, but merely torpedo her ass into the seat, which I kind of doubt unless she's also in training for sumo, or professional wrestling. For the guys who love the girls with asses the size of a Pontiac Solstice, how do you survive a sexual romp without getting bones crushed? Maybe I'm not as black as I thought as was...

*Why are so many girls so bad at sitting down? Why would you ever sit down and NOT check where your ass is going first? How do you continually miss? Honestly, I'm just baffled. Maybe its a gender thing? Perhaps the penis acts as some sort of landing stabilizer, giving the buttcheeks a point of reference and helping to guide it to the correct landing spot?

Massive Melon Tits's friend also gets the honor of being Magical Motor Mouth. This girl would not stop talking! She talked and talked and talked, and even when MMT got off the train, she pulled out her cell phone and continued the conversation by email! Thank GOD Steve Jobs invented the iPod, without mine I dunno what I would have done this morning. At one point I stopped my music to see if the conversation was actually anything interesting (say, for example, how much MMT wants to rub her chest across my face...) but I felt all intelligent brain cells in my body being viciously attacked by a conversation so dull and bland, even C-SPAN would refuse to air it.

I can't help but to wonder how Massive Melon Tits and Magical Motor Mouth came to be friends. MMT speaks softly and carries a big chest, and MMM could bore Ben Stein to death with her super-bland conversations. It seems like a Japanese version of The Odd Couple, instead of two feisty old men we've got two young Japanese girls, and one of them has a chest that should be registered as its own prefecture. Not to mention that MMM is like a fraction of the size of MMT. MMT could literally break this woman like Ivan Drago. And don't think I didn't imagine THAT a few times while MMM kept blabbering on.

Another new development - the girl with the tattoo across her chest stares at me. Hardcore.

I think I mentioned that before, but never before has it been so pronounced. This could be because usually she's standing in front of me, so its a bit difficult to discern what's staring directly at me, and what's just looking in my general direction. Also, I'm usually asleep on the morning train, so for the Japanese people around me, they get to have a jitto mi-houdai (or in English - "All You Can Stare"). However, this morning I was wide awake, and with Tats standing a few meters away, she had to make a conscious effort to turn her head my way to stare at me. Which, every time I looked up, I caught her doing. This wasn't like an isolated incident or two, this was the entire train ride.

I mean, Japanese people stare at me, yes, 4+ years later I've come to terms with this fact. But her staring...it seems to be above and beyond the staring norm. So far, I've come up with two theories as to why. My first theory relates back to my idea that she might be involved with the yakuza, perhaps some sort of boss moll. I have to explain here that I have been growing my hair out lately. I usually keep it cut pretty close, in order to avoid it getting afro-big. This is usually pretty disappointing to the Japanese, who want to see an authentic afro in person and not just on TV. I fought off the "grow an afro" pleas for 4 years, but finally I just got kinda weary and stopped cutting my hair for awhile. Needless to say, it's gotten pretty big. On days I don't want to walk around looking like The Hair Bears, I usually apply a fuckton of gel (enough to keep an American flag from waving in a Level 5 hurricane) and slick it back. However, this gives me a look which my girlfriend describes as "Italian mafia". My co-workers agree with her sentiment here. As my grandfather was half-Italian, I do have it in my blood. ...Move over, Tony Soprano?*

*I'm a large, tall black man, now apparently with Italian mafia hair. Could I be any more intimidating? I mean, back in America people used to get nervous whenever I stood behind them at an ATM machine at night, is there any wonder that I freak Japanese people out so badly? What could I possibly do to make myself MORE intimidating? Spew pure, hot fire from my mouth? Carry the half-eaten remains of a baby between my teeth? Start barking randomly like DMX?

Anyway, if I look ganster-ish, and if this girl does have some sort of mafia connections, then maybe she's studying my profile, trying to figure out if she's ever seen me at one of the annual Mafia-Yakuza bake sales or if I've ever patronized her shop late one night after an especially difficult hit. My other theory for the constant staring is much more simple - she's awed by a black man, and the possibility of gigantic negro penis. If that's the case, then the solution is easy enough - a simple game of "I'll show you mine you show me yours." I can show her my ebony divining rod, she shows me her tattooed A-cup chest, we get in a round of angry gangster sex, and then my curiosity about her tattoo is satisfied, and I can sit on the train without her visually boring holes in my head every morning. Everybody wins.

***

Here comes a new challenger - there is actually another member of the Collective who has Massive Melon Tits. I didn't mention her before because she's shorter, fatter, and generally unattractive.* Sometimes, I still catch myself staring though, which shows you just how deprived I am of the ample boobage here. This girl usually spends her mornings either reading a book, or playing something on a Nintendo DS.

*This goes back to my theory that Japanese girls are RPG characters. ...Did I ever explain that one? If I didn't, it's thus - Japanese girls have 10 attribute points, which can be divided up across face, tits, and ass/legs. Which means that they can divide their points up evenly and be thoroughly average, or stack one area at the expense of the other two.

Anyway, Massive Melon Tits The Second is standing next to me today playing her DS. As I'm sitting down, more than the ample chest, the most noticeable thing about her today is her feet. I can't help but to notice her shoes - she's wearing a pair of shoes that I can only describe as the shoes Piccolo wears in Dragonball.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y105/LordAzrael/Az/p1.jpg

I'm really not kidding, those are actually the shoes she was wearing, right down to the color. Where the hell does this girl go shopping, Kame Sennin's House of Style? I should be a little easier on her though, with those massive mammaries it is entirely she's never even seen her feet. Perhaps some rambunctious schoolchildren one day ran under her breasts and decided to take away her nice pair of designer pumps and replace them with some Piccolo booties. You just never know.

If it had been a DBZ game that she'd been playing on the DS...I simply would have died of laughter.

***

I saw a sign for a school that read "Osaka Kun-ei Girls School". My twisted and perverted mind warped that into "Osaka Kun-ni Girls School". I imagine a few of you are already snickering, but for those lacking in a dirty Japanese vocabulary, I'll explain - "kun-ni" is the Japanese word for performing oral sex on a woman. And now I've taught you another naughty Japanese word. ...While this is my dirty imagination, I'm sure a porn with that title/theme exists somewhere out there.

Japan should have a kun-ni school though. I can't count the number of times I've gone to do the deed only to have a Japanese girl be like "Hey, what are you doing down there? Why? No!" My very limited research findings have found that spelunking is just not something Japanese guys like to do. So with women used to never getting it, should an intrepid explorer decide to go fishing, she's just not prepared for it. Which is why I feel a kun-ni school would be of great use. Perhaps we can go recruit some of those out-of-work NOVA teachers as instructors. It's a wee-bit different from English, but I have no doubt they'll adapt and be conducting stimulating and invigorating classes in no time.

Taking a closer look at the poster though, I realized that it was for the Osaka Kun-ei Girls Junior High School. ...Never before have I felt so dirty and wrong in my life.

***

The train I ride into work everyday is called the Hankyu. Hankyu sponsors an all-lesbian revue in Kobe called Takarazuka. ...Okay, officially it's not all-lesbian, but it is all-female and it looks pretty lesbian. Also, from what I've heard, its primarily popular with (guess who?) lesbians, which is why I consider it the all-lesbian revue.

Not that I have a problem with lesbians, not at all. I happen to like your porn very much. It's just that images like this kinda disturb me a little.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y105/LordAzrael/Az/lezbeens.jpg

See? How can you look at that and think of anything other than handsomely dressed Japanese lesbians imitating 1950's America? I shouldn't even have to explain what's wrong with this picture. Images like these are what will fuel my nightmares for the rest of my life.

Since Hankyu is the sponsor, in an effort to promote the theater, sometimes the advertisements in an entire train car will be nothing but these posters. And every time I see one that I think is the worst thing in the world ever, much like 2girls1cup*, they manage to up the ante.

*Do NOT Google that. Seriously. I'm not joking, that's my actual, heartfelt warning - don't do it.**

**If you don't listen to me, at least watch some of the reaction vids on Youtube first to get an idea of what horrors you will be inflicting upon yourself.

My favorite Takarazuka poster is still the Neo Dandyism one.

http://www.outpostnine.com/Az/neodandy.jpg

This is so wrong on every level imaginable, it just wins.

I think I should sleep on the train more.

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Posted by gaijin

[Digital Masta]

On days I don't want to walk around looking like The Hair Bears, I usually apply a fuckton of gel (enough to keep an American flag from waving in a Level 5 hurricane) and slick it back.

I find this to be a strange look for a black man

[Micah the Great]

Man... so many good references this time.

[SlickWilly440]

Someone in my Japanese Culture class did their presentation over the Takarazuka and showed a short performance clip on youtube. That person also said that the actors are not allowed to get married for have sex. If they do they'll get punished......good thing or bad...I have not idea.

[Danistar]

On days I don't want to walk around looking like The Hair Bears, I usually apply a fuckton of gel (enough to keep an American flag from waving in a Level 5 hurricane) and slick it back.

Some of my favorite fictional characters that are black usually just give up on their hair, shave their heads and grow a beard. If it worked for Captain Sisko and the Green Lantern, it could work for you.

http://usera.imagecave.com/Danistar/BenSisko2.jpg http://usera.imagecave.com/Danistar/greenlanternsmall2.jpg

[RandomPasserby]

Is someone dying of breasts-deficiency?

[Plekto]

This is Az at 45.

Green Lantern Gaijin Smash!(love the no pupils look as well)

Probably scare the Yakuza right out of the area. Lol.

[Kyletherealninja]

I still laugh every time I hear "Neodandyism."

[RoxFontaine]

I find this to be a strange look for a black man

You and me both. Old school Malcolm X conk is one thing, but this sounds like something.......else.

That aside, this one was OK. Not so funny.

[Vic_Rattlehead]

Gigantic negro penis!!! Again, the content of this forum has, again,caused me to spit tea on myself. :(

[RoxFontaine]

^ And we thought Bobby was embarrassing.

[stsparky]

The 'big sister' on NHK's "With Mother" is a former Takarazuka dancer whose fame has allowed her to get away with having an open relationship with the 'big brother' on the show.

I guess the Lesbian theme will always haunt the Takarazuka Revue.

Are there any Japanese actresses that approach the body dimensions of the morning commute crew? To give us all a visual references.

[Akelexre]

It makes me wonder about my other black brethren, who love thick girls with big asses. How do you do it? I'm not speaking metaphorically, I mean, how do you have sex with her on top? I mean, I merely got squashed by a larger than average Japanese girl.

Hm.

Tsk.

Once, when I was in a store (in America), there was a song on the radio playing. I thought it was pretty catchy, a little older and really soulful, so I asked one of the guys who works there what the name of the song was. Tall, African-American dude, he casually said out loud, "Its a James Brown song." Then he leaned over and whispered in a dead serious voice, "Don't ever let another black person know that you don't know what James Brown sounds like."

I laughed at the time, when I was younger.

With total seriousness, a bit of friendly advice, Az: don't ever let other black men hear you ask that question. EVER. Especially if they're in a group. You will be laughed off the planet.

You and me both. Old school Malcolm X conk is one thing, but this sounds like something.......else.


If I recall correctly, Malcom later in his life really hated the way he previous wore his hair back. I empathize. To me it always seemed so unnatural and forced, like it was (creepily) imitating white people's hair.

Az, who was giving you cuts/is giving you shape-ups? Just curious as to what the resources are in Japan these days, cause I didn't see many hair options for black people when I was there a few years ago.

[Digital Masta]

However Malcom X straightened his hair, apparently Az is just putting gel in normal possibly "not as nappy because my great grandfather was Italian" negro hair. Which just seems odd.

I mean my hair is straighter than than typical but it would look strange as hell if I put gel in it if I had a lot.

[knivesc]

I mean my hair is straighter than than typical but it would look strange as hell if I put gel in it if I had a lot.

I hate the feel of gel :f can't stand it :knockout:

[RoxFontaine]

Hm.

Tsk.

Once, when I was in a store (in America), there was a song on the radio playing. I thought it was pretty catchy, a little older and really soulful, so I asked one of the guys who works there what the name of the song was. Tall, African-American dude, he casually said out loud, "Its a James Brown song." Then he leaned over and whispered in a dead serious voice, "Don't ever let another black person know that you don't know what James Brown sounds like."

I laughed at the time, when I was younger.

With total seriousness, a bit of friendly advice, Az: don't ever let other black men hear you ask that question. EVER. Especially if they're in a group. You will be laughed off the planet.



If I recall correctly, Malcom later in his life really hated the way he previous wore his hair back. I empathize. To me it always seemed so unnatural and forced, like it was (creepily) imitating white people's hair.

Az, who was giving you cuts/is giving you shape-ups? Just curious as to what the resources are in Japan these days, cause I didn't see many hair options for black people when I was there a few years ago.

:clap:

Malcolm did hate it later on. I was just saying....

Regarding barbers: My Japanese FEMALE barber is PHENOMENAL! You gotta keep yourself connected somewhere if you want a good cut in Japan. Period. The few times I've tried to go to a Japanese barber, they flat out told me to leave.

My wife was telling me a week or two ago that someone locally wanted to learn to cut Black hair using me as a learning tool. I think it's a great idea, but I can't be walking around with a jacked up haircut.

edit: I had to LOL at the thought of this big ass Black dude walking around with a head full of Uno! Pics?

[Azrael]

The hair:

I've been growing it out since March? At first, it was a nice little contained fro, but as it continued to grow, it started to get uneven and difficult to deal with. Mostly because it curls up into these impossible little coils, almost like a Slinky.

So the girl and I decided to use some relaxer/straighter, and it does work...while my hair is wet. However, when its dry, for whatever reason my hair tends to stand straight up. Sometimes I wake up in the mornings looking like a black Vegeta from Dragonball Z.

I can round it out for a fro, or kind of push it sort of backwards for a wildman look, but most of the time I just want to kind of supress it, as the Ultra-Fro garners me 10x the stares (didn't think that was possible...) and takes up needless Japanese air space. So I wet my hair and apply some gel to keep it from exploding up again.

For the moment, I just want to continue growing it out to see what happens.

[Plekto]

The Fro(tm) is a special thing... Only a select few can pull it off. You could go for the Dread look as well I suppose, but old-school is great, classic, and takes a real man to pull off(wimps need not apply).

Kind of like being bald. Except it's the exact opposite. One is the absence of all hair and the other is an explosion of Hair-Fu.

[six-eight-ten]

All this talk of exploding hair just made me think of Shepherd Book.

Time to go watch Firefly again.

[Akelexre]

So the girl and I decided to use some relaxer/straighter, and it does work...

You have a perm?

Wow. Christ.

Well, be careful with that relaxer shit; as many older black women can testify that shit WILL fuck up your hair over time.

Also, consider learning how to do some natural styles yourself: there's a lot of options of with the various kinds of black hair, including locks, cornrows, twisties, plaits, various afro styles, and so on. I used to plait my hair all the time so I know its possible. You're in/near Hirakata, so you might want to network with some of the black gaijin at Kansai Gaidai U and see if they can help. Also, there are some Brazilians in Hirakata (hang around Gotenyama for a bit) that might be able to help.

The Fro(tm) is a special thing... Only a select few can pull it off.

What a weird weird comment; afros are the way that our hair naturally grows, there is nothing to, "pull off." Its like saying only a select few white people can pull off straight hair. WTF?


Regarding barbers: My Japanese FEMALE barber is PHENOMENAL! You gotta keep yourself connected somewhere if you want a good cut in Japan. Period. The few times I've tried to go to a Japanese barber, they flat out told me to leave.

Wow, that's pretty amazing about the female barber. I'll get her contact info if I'm in Japan anytime soon.

I never even bothered to set foot into a Japanese barber shop. Just never saw the point.

My wife was telling me a week or two ago that someone locally wanted to learn to cut Black hair using me as a learning tool. I think it's a great idea, but I can't be walking around with a jacked up haircut.

Yeah, that dude will have trouble finding people/things to experiment with. If he's got the money his best bet is probably to fly to the west coast and go to barber school somewhere here. There's some simple stuff he could probably learn how to do though, like shape-ups, that shouldn't be too hard.

[RoxFontaine]

^ Shape ups are the hardest thing for them to do. Therein lies the beauty of a GREAT haircut. When the shape is right, it fits your face and is cut to coincide with the natural growth of your hair. My barber has great t-edge clippers and when she gets the shape she wants, she whips out her razor blade and hand shapes the rest. She's amazing. So good in fact that when I went back to the US, I was disgusted at the barber that I thought was so good when I was young.

Az, get a set of Oster clippers. If you need me to send you a set, I will. (At cost of course. No freebies on this block.). That's just ridiculous. All I can imagine is Buckwheat with a bad perm in the pool.

[Akelexre]

^ Shape ups are the hardest thing for them to do. Therein lies the beauty of a GREAT haircut. When the shape is right, it fits your face and is cut to coincide with the natural growth of your hair. My barber has great t-edge clippers and when she gets the shape she wants, she whips out her razor blade and hand shapes the rest. She's amazing. So good in fact that when I went back to the US, I was disgusted at the barber that I thought was so good when I was young.

Huh. Maybe I've had easy access to haircuts so long that I don't think about it in detail like I should. You wouldn't think it'd be that hard just to make a few lines on the edges of your hair and cut down split ends evenly, but I see what you're saying.

Az, get a set of Oster clippers. If you need me to send you a set, I will. (At cost of course. No freebies on this block.). That's just ridiculous. All I can imagine is Buckwheat with a bad perm in the pool.

Good looking out. :clap:

[koku]

Wow Az is in Hirakata? I just got back from there. Laaame.

[Azrael]

I sometimes do braids (girlfriend learned how, no need to go to a salon or anything), but they only really last for 2 days and take 2 hours to make. I'd probably just stay in braids if I could.

[TommyA]

The hair:


So the girl and I decided to use some relaxer/straighter, and it does work...while my hair is wet. However, when its dry, for whatever reason my hair tends to stand straight up. Sometimes I wake up in the mornings looking like a black Vegeta from Dragonball Z.

All throughout High School I grew out my hair, and didn't cut it until 4-5 years ago.

I started with an afro, that I let get ridiculous big. It was at the point where teachers thought I was making a statement like the bad ole days (ask a black adult). Black people admired it, white girls LOVED it (so did white SKATER guys...). My individuality was crushed when 2 other kids (one a good friend) grew out their fros! How to be different now!?!

I did cornrows. This was circa 95, when pretty much Bone Thugs N Harmony, Snoop Dogg, and Jamaicans were famous for braided hair. I was the first kid (pretty much 90% white, 7% mexican, 3% black/asian/other, so no hard task) in the history of the school to have braids. My hair got long enough to start doing individual braids. Then I started getting called either "Bone Thug" or "Serena sister". Time for a change!

To make my hair easy to braid, the woman would relax my hair. One day, after she relaxed my hair and blew dry it. I realized my hair was at my shoulder blades. I liked this look. My hair was super straight, when dry, and longer than every black girl at my school. I had to show off! So I went to school for pretty much a year or so with long straight hair, every now and then throwing in a ponytail, or two braids from the back. This ended when I just got bored one day, and my hair was about waist length (yes it grew that fast in a year, WITH chemical treatments going on every month!). The day I got bored was the weekend before HS graduation, and I finally just got it braided individually again, but with cornrows from my forehead, until the middle of the top of my head. I stuck with this style for about 3 years, then I finally cut it off one day, when I knew I wanted to work in the corporate world.

When I am done doing the English teaching deal here in Japan, I am SO growing my hair out again! I miss all the crazy shit I could do, as long as I had the $ and someone to do it for me.

1.5 more years...

[Vic_Rattlehead]

My wife was telling me a week or two ago that someone locally wanted to learn to cut Black hair using me as a learning tool..


Similar to me when I was there last summer. I actually got a free haircut, massage and her number! ;) Sadly I was taken for but bleh!

[Digital Masta]

I sometimes do braids (girlfriend learned how, no need to go to a salon or anything), but they only really last for 2 days and take 2 hours to make. I'd probably just stay in braids if I could.

They only stay in for 2 days?


I grew my hair out my senior year of high school and eventually had my cousin braid it. Of course everyone loved it. Yes, especially white people, I eventually took them out and just kept it fro'ed for a while.

Personally I don't like growing my hair out because I look better with short hair and that shit is a bitch and a a half to maintain.

[sOkU]

I had to cut off all my hair for a job. :(


But, my hair is so awesome, especially when I take it out of braids and it hangs down all wavy and shit.........

Man...fuck that, I'm growing out my hair again!

Az, maybe your girl just isn't doing them right. They should at least stay tight/semi-tight for a week.

[Azrael]

Are there any Japanese actresses that approach the body dimensions of the morning commute crew? To give us all a visual references.
Mmm, no. That's the problem with Japanese actresses, the majority of them are super-thin, so no thick girls to compare them to. For MMT, I guess if Koda Kumi had more of a gut, and twice the tits/ass, but even then that's stretching it a bit.

If I recall correctly, Malcom later in his life really hated the way he previous wore his hair back. I empathize. To me it always seemed so unnatural and forced, like it was (creepily) imitating white people's hair.
But here's the funny thing. Every other race gets to manipulate their hair as they see fit. Girls with curly hair get it straightened, and vice versa. There's dyeing and highlights, spiking it up, gel, weaves, extensions, all sorts of processes. But then if I want to do something to my hair it becomes "imitating white people hair." Why is that?

I've just had the same kind of hair/hair style for the past 26 years of my life...just wanted to do something different. When I get tired of this I might go the Captain Sisko route, who knows? It's certainly a lot easier to care and maintain. :rofl:


All throughout High School I grew out my hair, and didn't cut it until 4-5 years ago.

To make my hair easy to braid, the woman would relax my hair. One day, after she relaxed my hair and blew dry it. I realized my hair was at my shoulder blades. I liked this look. My hair was super straight, when dry, and longer than every black girl at my school. I had to show off! So I went to school for pretty much a year or so with long straight hair, every now and then throwing in a ponytail, or two braids from the back.
Okay, I need to talk to you. When my hair dries, it kind of frizzes out and stands up. How do I keep this from happening? Is it the blow-dry?

They only stay in for 2 days?
Well, after 2 days, it's not that they completely fall apart, but there are enough loose strands to just make it look messy. That, and it itches like crazy, so I usually end up un-doing it.

My girlfriend is doing it, and she's not exactly a professional, so I'm wondering if perhaps I should get it professionally done? Would it last longer perhaps? Also, maybe I'm not taking proper care of it...

[Digital Masta]

Do you wear something on your head when you sleep? Like a doo-rag? I'd have to guess you'd have to get one sent to you from the good ol' USA.

The three times I've been to Japan so far I've always cut my hair before I went and just let it grow until I came back.

[Akelexre]

I sometimes do braids (girlfriend learned how, no need to go to a salon or anything), but they only really last for 2 days and take 2 hours to make.

Hm. Dollars to donuts she's doing them wrong. Even though the curls of your hair aren't as tight as a, "regular" afro, you still have an afro, and braids and such should be lasting longer then, say, two weeks, and definitely more then 2 days. That really sounds like she isn't doing something right. Maintenance may be a factor, too. I'd recommend attempting to find someone else (say, a black person) to do your hair.

Ninja edit: for comparisons sake, when I've been a true lazy bastard in the past, I've kept plaits in for almost two months. Obviously they were lose at the end of that period, but they were hanging in there. Of course my hair is denser then yours (mine is the definitive dense, "nappy" fro), but there is no reason for such a huge gap in longevity between my braids and yours.

(Also, if its taking her 2 hours to do cornrows sans crazy elaborate designs then she doesn't know what she is doing at all).

Why is that?

Because we have a history that white (and other people) people don't. Because we've gone through over 100 years of other people and the media telling us that our natural hair is ugly. Because many black girls don't even know what their natural hair actually [I]looks like, nonetheless how to take care of it or find pride in it. Because I and a million other black kids grew up with our parents telling us the damn truth: that no one would hire us with any kind of authentic black hair style other then, "short cut." Because at the end of the day other races can experiment all they want and go back to their natural state with no problem but for black men and women to drop the chemicals and the lies and go natural is a real struggle with little support that isn't recognized by society at large.

Obviously you're a grown man and you can do what you want and shouldn't/don't have to take criticism from anyone. But you seem like you don't quite understand the history and emotions involved; consider that those are things you should at least be thoughtful of when dealing with other black people.

[Plekto]

What a weird weird comment; afros are the way that our hair naturally grows, there is nothing to, "pull off." Its like saying only a select few white people can pull off straight hair. WTF?


True, but there is the pressure from society and the fact that some people just don't have enough of an attitude and confidence to let it grow naturally. Maybe it's different in Japan than the U.S., I don't know - but here in Los Angeles, it's super rare to see an afro.

If Az wants to grow his hair out to the size of a beach ball, then I say go for it! I myself have long hair and I'm not cutting it for any job or to conform - not until I start losing it and going bald at least.

[RoxFontaine]

Word to Akelexre. I was going to say it yesterday, but I figured I'd let somebody else say it first.

Braids should last you AT LEAST a month. When I had braids, I pissed off every girl that braided my hair. I would go get these elaborate designs and then take the shit out two weeks later. Just because.

Unfortunately, you can't go to a "professional". Japanese charge per braid and you'd likely spend at least 10,000 yen for regular cornrows.

Ak, you broke it down about our hair! The REAL good hair. I got to find you this shirt that I have that says, "I <3 My Hair". UHURU!

[TommyA]

Okay, I need to talk to you. When my hair dries, it kind of frizzes out and stands up. How do I keep this from happening? Is it the blow-dry?


Blow dry it and use a hot comb (can we get these in Japan?). If not ask your mom to send you one. They aren't too expensive. You leave it on the stove to get hot (I am sure they have ones you just plug in), and when you comb your hair out, blow dry it with hot air, and just keep doing it. There was some stuff I used to put on before I did it to supposedly make it better, but I noticed no difference from doing that or not using it at all.

[Azrael]

Because we have a history that white (and other people) people don't.....
I guess this kind of thing just depends on the the viewpoint of the person.

My Mom for example HATES braids. When she found out that I do them from time to time, she was seriously upset. I asked her why, and she said "it just pains me to see you voluntarily doing something that, for me, I didn't have a choice." When she was a child and going through the Civil Rights Movement and segregation and what not, I guess her and her family were very limited in the kinds of hairstyles they could have.

I've been fortunate to never grow up facing anything like this, or any real discrimination. If I change my hair or if I don't, its not in response to anything - just what I want to do.

[six-eight-ten]

I've just had the same kind of hair/hair style for the past 26 years of my life...just wanted to do something different. When I get tired of this I might go the Captain Sisko route, who knows? It's certainly a lot easier to care and maintain. :rofl:


I shaved my head for my Halloween costume (http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne?id=1796193040&size=l couldn't get bald cap materials in time, been thinking about doing it anyway). Pure bald is not as easy to maintain as very very short, I find. Far easier to use clippers with a length attachment than to have to all out shave every couple of days.

[4letterwords]

I think black people's natural hair is beautiful.

On one hand though, a lot of people think that white people's 'natural' look is what dictates whats 'beautiful' by media standards. Apparently people don't know what white people look like naturally. Take away all the fake things we do, just the same as any race, and we're all just a bunch of pale, awkward-haired people.

I'm (now) studying to be a cosmotologist, and it is VERY hard to get caucasian hair to do what the client wants them too. White people (generally) have very thin hair, usually with a slight wave and it takes a lot of product and a lot of styling to do a lot of the styles properly. It's hard to get curls and stuff to stay, it breaks and damages easily.

Natural hair for black women is, in my opinion, the most beautiful hair because it naturally has the most personality. Especially the curly curly kind thats afro-esque... so gorgeous. You can't look bad with hair like that... its just impossible.

I really like doing corn-rows too. Have your girlfriend learn from a black girl... my friend alisha taught me how to do it properly and now I can work wonders.

[RoxFontaine]

^ You just earned 1,000 cool points.

[Digital Masta]

^ You just earned 1,000 cool points.

Indeed.

[Pierrot le Fou]

All you folks whining about how society treats your hair? At least you have hair. Do you know how sad it is to be able to have only one hairstyle which suits you? Short?

At least it saves me in shampoo costs.

[4letterwords]

Better to be bald than to have a combover.

[Akelexre]

^ You just earned 10,000 cool points.

Fixed.

[4letterwords]

Hey, most of the women I know feel the same way. No one will ever be completely ok with their natural looks... Black women will want to relax their hair till it falls out, white woman are gonna tan till we all die of cancer or starve ourselves to death, and asian women will eyefold surgery and high healed themselves up till the end of time... its about wanting what you don't have.

[stsparky]

All you folks whining about how society treats your hair? At least you have hair. Do you know how sad it is to be able to have only one hairstyle which suits you? Short? At least it saves me in shampoo costs.

If you were vain you could get hair implants - I've only two good ones though. And they took time to get good.

[Pierrot le Fou]

I'm not vain, I just miss the days when I had hair to screw around with. In reality, it's probably positive that I don't have hair, because I'd probably look very unprofessional and have become a bum and/or a musician by now.

[Akelexre]

I guess this kind of thing just depends on the the viewpoint of the person.

Of course, as with anything. Such differences in opinion are to be acknowledged and respected when well thought out. However, I think many black people, especially these days, are coming closer to the particular view I expressed previously. Not a majority, unfortunately, but more so now then ever in history. Especially middle, upper class and artistic and intellectual blacks. Also nationalistic African-Americans too, of course. I think its a natural backlash to hundreds of years of bad treatment by people and media, self-denial and self-hate. I only wish it were more widespread: one should NEVER be ashamed of ones natural state. Ever.

My Mom for example HATES braids. When she found out that I do them from time to time, she was seriously upset. I asked her why, and she said "it just pains me to see you voluntarily doing something that, for me, I didn't have a choice." When she was a child and going through the Civil Rights Movement and segregation and what not, I guess her and her family were very limited in the kinds of hairstyles they could have.


Uh, wha? The dominant style during the CRM for black women was perms. Obviously politically aware folks had afros (and a smaller few had rows and locks), but take a look at pictures of black women taken before 1970 and you'll see how common perms were.

So I don't understand what your mom means when she says that she was forced to wear braids. . What [i]kind of braids specifically: cornrows are considered braids, for example; is that what she is talking about? Or, more probably, perhaps she had to constantly wear some kind of pigtails as a child [which would be less braids in the, "black" sense and more in the general sense]? Not questioning her or saying or implying she is right or wrong or anything like that. Just trying to understand what's being said. Also I have to admit that part of the confusion appears to come from that you are using the word, "braids" in a very general manner that I'm not used to; I'm used to a bit more precision with black hair description I suppose. [In other words, "Twisties, locks, cornrows, plaits" as opposed to simply, "Braids." Effective communication concerning style is a lot more probable that way].

Well, anyway, this probably isn't something you want to think about or talk about much so I won't press it. As long as you understand what its all about (especially the history, struggle and symbolism within the context of African-American culture and American society) and what's going down, that's all that matters. Remember, if in the bigger picture it was as easy as being, "just hair what's the big deal?" then you wouldn't have had that convo with your mom, we wouldn't have had this convo, millions of black girls would melt their hair a hell of a lot less often, people would stare at your real hair a lot less often and you'd probably be able to take care of your own hair yourself.

In the meantime I second 4letters advice of getting a black person to do/teach you/teach your girlfriend how to properly do and maintain your hair. There look to be a few options available to you, I hope they work out.

Peace.

--Alexander

[Azrael]

I'm guessing plaits? I can only go off mom's stories here, but I guess down in the south in the 60's, most kids (at least in mom's immediate area) were in plaits. I remember her talking about plaits and cornrows and how much she hated them years ago. When I was back, my girlfriend started to do my hair, but she got tired...Mom reluctantly took over, and did in 10 minutes what GF takes an hour to do.

Me changing my hair isn't me ashamed of my natural look, it's just me wanting to change my hair. It's unfortunate that it has that history behind me, but I'm not going to actively not do something because of what it might mean in a historical context.

It is kind of sad that I don't know anything about hair care...but up until now, I haven't needed to. My hair was pretty much ready to go when I rolled out of bed.

Finding a black girl to help is a lot easier said than done here where I live. I can actually remember the last time I saw black girls - 2 months ago, standing at an intersection not far from where I work. That's how much of a rarity we're talking about here, I remember a completely bland event just because it was so rare.

But there is Amemura in Shinsaibashi, and plenty of Japanese people imitating black hair, so I'm sure there must be some talented barbers or something around there. I'll scope it out.

[Kyletherealninja]

IMO, black people have the coolest hairstyles. If you want the 'fro or braids, I say go for it. If those Facebook pics are any indication, you look like a total pimp. :afro:

Personally, I'd like to have the fine, uber-straight Asian hair, but this is probably because I'm an indie pseudo-hipster snob and straightening my hair is a time-consuming pain.

[Akelexre]

Az, yeah, plaits. As a child at that time, she would have worn either plaits or pigtails; she probably would have been moved on to perms by her parents and/or peer pressure when she became a teen.



Finding a black girl to help is a lot easier said than done here where I live. I can actually remember the last time I saw black girls - 2 months ago, standing at an intersection not far from where I work. That's how much of a rarity we're talking about here, I remember a completely bland event just because it was so rare.

But there is Amemura in Shinsaibashi, and plenty of Japanese people imitating black hair, so I'm sure there must be some talented barbers or something around there. I'll scope it out.

You'll definitely have to break out with some networking prowess. Again, there is a small Brazilian population in Hirakata that might be of help, and Kansai Gaidai U usually has a fair amount of African-American and African students that might be of help. I'd also recommend talking to and getting to know as many African store owners in Osaka as possible, they were always pretty friendly with me and they might have girlfriends or wives who could help you out.

Also, as you implied, consider some networking with members of the local hip-hop community, as some of them are quite serious about hip-hop culture and therefore might know about black hair or of someone who knows how to do black hair.

Luckily skin color and gaijin-ness give you a pass in that you can just randomly approach many of the previous mentioned people and start a conversation and they'll usually be pretty receptive; it would be a lot harder to randomly approach unknown, "normal" Japanese people like that.

Good luck.

--Alexander

[RoxFontaine]

Speaking of Japanese people good with Black hair.....

My friend Machako just won a big competition in Tokyo for her hair designs. She's won two years in a row and she's only getting better. Her theme this year was "宇宙" (space).

Kyle, I'd have to agree with you on your statement.....

Rox Fontaine circa 2005....
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v64/roxfontaine/DSC03328.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v64/roxfontaine/hairright.jpg

[Digital Masta]

I've never been interested in doing that to my hair. Even while growing up when that was still the cool thing to do in the early 90s.

[Chrome Newfie]

Slightly off topic (as I earn my handle by Mach-III'ing my dome and buffing with a shammy, I lack input), but is there a problem with the direct links on Gaijin Smash? I can't get any of them to work, not even ones that worked before.

[Chrome Newfie]

OK, made an end run to functioning links through the "archives" link, but the main page links still don't work for me. I use Firefox, and that may be the reason, though I see there's also a slight difference in the URLs. You may want to check into that, Az.

Links have been updated on the original post.

[Black Dog]

All you folks whining about how society treats your hair? At least you have hair. Do you know how sad it is to be able to have only one hairstyle which suits you? Short?

At least it saves me in shampoo costs.

One of my friends from Highschool had big bald spot on his head at age 20. Just like Geaorge from Seinfield.

[Televisions_Nick]

For MMT, I guess if Koda Kumi had more of a gut, and twice the tits/ass, but even then that's stretching it a bit.

That's really mean to say about someone.

Looking like Koda Kumi.

Cruel.

What an ugly woman.

[4letterwords]

I think koda kumi's cute. Her hair could use some work but I think shes cute.

Granted I enjoy the gal look more than the conservative-looking Japanese girls in Japan, which stems from the fact that I basically live for Japanese street fashion.