The Relationships Thread

[Kyletherealninja]

Inspired by Az's talk of love and marriage, this thread is where you we can discuss general relationship topics, from asking for advice, to complaining, to bragging, etc.

[ZaichikArky]

Interesting thread. We'll see what kind of dramas it starts.

I don't have any advice.

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years mainly because he's a nice guy and he can put up with my shit XD. I am sure that people think that I freak out at people IRL all the time and scream at them or something and in reality, I have never screamed at anyone before in my entire life since I have an almost non-existant temper, but if I don't like something, I have a tendency to make a big fuss of it. Maybe that's a little more "typical female" My boyfriend's reactions vary because I often say some really mean things. Here is my favorite quote:

"You are such a PRINCESS!!!"

He never starts shit with me. EVER. I can't ever think of even a single occasion where he has.

So that's why our relationship works. Because 1. He's a kind, caring, and thoughtful person, which IMO is really difficult to find all 3 in a guy and 2. He might be the only guy who can deal with my random accusations/crap and not be jaded about it.

[Shuft]

I am single, but that will all change when I find a new crazy girl to fall in love with and whittle down until she finally gives in and goes out with me.

[h2orowe]

I'm single. Always have been, and at this rate, always will be.

[dzee]

i am single, and ...... i don't really care, haha :)

edit:
I'm single. Always have been, and at this rate, always will be.
oh quit whining. you've had more than your fair share of drama.

[h2orowe]

Don't remind me of fuzzy-eyebrow, Romanian girl D:

[ZaichikArky]

: (. I don't think so. Here's a tip, Joey, if you want more ladies, shave your beard and lose a little weight.

I'm not even trying to be stupid about it. At your age, what a guy looks like really influences girls' decisions/ arousal. Most girls your age don't find beards attractive : (.

However, it seems like your quest to look like that guy is more important than your quest to find a good lady right now, so it's cool : ). I'm just saying that if you want to try harder, I would lose the beard.

[Roxie]

I'm single and it's cool with me :)

[dzee]

i'd bug my hypothetical boyfriend day and night to get his beard shaved off, if he ever decided on one :knockout:

[h2orowe]

I'm actually going to shave the beard towards the end of the month, and grow it back out, but trim it this time.
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c141/h2orowe/pams_Pictures_001.jpg
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c141/h2orowe/pams_Pictures_004.jpg

Like that ^ not like... the beastly beast of a beard it is right now. I know how to get girls, also, it's not really like I need too many tips on that, it's just I haven't found any I've been interested in in a while, and when I actually get a girl I'm interested in interested in me... well she either sucks or somehow things get messed up D;

[dzee]

somehow things get messed up D;

murphy's law?

[h2orowe]

Pretty much, dzee. With my experiences, girls are too fickle to even waste your time on.

[dzee]

try boys then.

afterall, taktak should be more than happy to give you tips :D

[Kyletherealninja]

He never starts shit with me. EVER. I can't ever think of even a single occasion where he has.

I've always suspected that I would be like this, too. I'm someone who tries really hard to avoid conflict, and I'd like to think I could carry this over into a relationship as well. I'm just worried about potentially letting a girl walk all over me by not standing up for myself. I suppose the trick is to strike a balance between the two.

[Kyletherealninja]

I'm single. Always have been, and at this rate, always will be.

I often feel the same way. I would like to be in a relationship, but I just don't know anybody to whom I'm attracted (with the possible exception of my cute Japanese tutor... but she's around four years older than me and already has a boyfriend, it seems. Older women scare me, though. I guess I'm the opposite of Az.) It seems like it's just not the right time for this stuff, anyway. I suspect I'm better off being patient, but it can be frustrating sometimes.

[ZaichikArky]

I've always suspected that I would be like this, too. I'm someone who tries really hard to avoid conflict, and I'd like to think I could carry this over into a relationship as well. I'm just worried about potentially letting a girl walk all over me by not standing up for myself. I suppose the trick is to strike a balance between the two.

Generally, girls are bitchy. As in, they always have the potential to be very bitchy depending on "what sets them off". The ideal is finding what sets them off and not actively trying to set them off >_>;. My boyfriend sometimes thinks it's funny to make fun of really dumb things that set me off. And then when I start to get annoyed he starts with the "omg I'm joking! Do you have to take EVERYTHING seriously" thing.

If you're worried about avoiding conflict and having a girl walk all over you, just don't let it happen. As in, if you see a girl try to take advantage of you nice nature, let her know it's not cool. I find that generally, and a lot of guys agree, that girls are better at reading peoples' emotions than guys are, and a lot of complaints that guys have about women is that the guys can't "read" when a woman is displeased with something unless she states her displeasal.

That's kind of off-topic.

Anyway, just don't let a girl take advantage of you. I hate to see that happen with nice guys, because the "girls like badboys" is SO untrue for the most part IRL in my experiences and it sucks to see guys jaded because they're genuinely nice people and don't actively try to act like dicks to get the attention of girls.

[Shuft]

I'm actually going to shave the beard towards the end of the month, and grow it back out, but trim it this time....Don't let the ladies dictate your appearance. Here's what you do. Ask yourself, "Would it be awesome?" and if the answer is yes, then do it. Long story short, keep the mutton chops!

[dzee]

Anyway, just don't let a girl take advantage of you. I hate to see that happen with nice guys, because the "girls like badboys" is SO untrue for the most part IRL in my experiences and it sucks to see guys jaded because they're genuinely nice people and don't actively try to act like dicks to get the attention of girls.

i don't go for nice guys, if only because i don't want to see them being nice to everyone else like they are to me :blank:

also, you can't tell if they like you more than they like other girls. and most people i know don't really want to ask about that kind of thing.

[h2orowe]

Don't let the ladies dictate your appearance. Here's what you do. Ask yourself, "Would it be awesome?" and if the answer is yes, then do it. Long story short, keep the mutton chops!
Actually, it's getting rather annoying and uneven. D:

[Mastiker]

No homo, but Joseph, you are an attractive male, especially with the beard trimmed like that. Done properly, and your looks could get anyone. I know you know how to talk to women, your only thing is that you think everything has to be perfect, so when things start going "wrong" you panic. Don't. If something goes wrong, just roll with it. The more confident you are, the less you'll stumble over yourself.

and don't get mad if the confidence doesn't come up right away dude. It takes time and effort, and if you don't give it either, it won't come.

Plus: Musician = instant pussy. And if you're actually talented, you get more than that. Aw, the perks of having talent.

sorry if I'm being too upfront, but I've been holding this back for a while D:

i don't go for nice guys, if only because i don't want to see them being nice to everyone else like they are to me
That is the worst logic in the world, but I'm so glad I found out that almost every single girl I've ever met thinks like you.

They love to say "you're so nice to me!" because, in my head, it seems like they think they've changed me. To be honest, I'm a nice guy to women because... well, because I like women. But I start off by being rude (but not vulgar) and it almost always works.

I think it has nothing to do with me being nice or not, though. Girls just love confidence, amirite? But a lot of young girls can't distinguish between confidence and arrogance, and its said to see a bunch of girls go off with the jock assholes who are only arrogant because of their strength.

Shit. Anyone else wanna hear my really bad views on relationships? Seriously. I think I know more than kids my age, but I know I know nothing ^.^ I'm just saying what I think is true, so far.

[dzee]

They love to say "you're so nice to me!" because, in my head, it seems like they think they've changed me.
no. don't you like being special to this one person? i thought most people did.

it's also, practically speaking, sometimes a question of not knowing how to distinguish if this "nice guy" likes you in particular.


But I start off by being rude (but not vulgar) and it almost always works.
it wouldn't on me, nor those i know. that particular 'trick' has been advertised nearly everywhere :duh: in any case, i'd personally be quite as rude back, and slower to be nice.


Girls just love confidence, amirite? But a lot of young girls can't distinguish between confidence and arrogance, and its said to see a bunch of girls go off with the jock assholes who are only arrogant because of their strength.
i don't think there's a fixed thing about what "girls just love". i like shy boys quite as much, and i laugh at jocks a great deal. you, on the other hand, seem to be pretty good at deciding why girls go off with the "jock assholes" :D

.. considering you aren't a girl, and don't seem to be a jock type. it's always a fairly thin line between confidence and arrogance, anyway :blank:

[ak24]

I'm single for 21 years now. I always happen to like girls who are taken... it just happens, I guess. I haven't looked into liking a girl this semester because I've been busy with schoolwork, but spending time alone most of the time sucks.

[Mastiker]

no. don't you like being special to this one person? i thought most people did.

it's also, practically speaking, sometimes a question of not knowing how to distinguish if this "nice guy" likes you in particular.


I don't see why I should automatically be nicer to some people. I just am. Some deserve it, some don't. I'll be an asshole through the whole relationship if that's what happens. :P

it wouldn't on me, nor those i know. that particular 'trick' has been advertised nearly everywhere :duh: in any case, i'd personally be quite as rude back, and slower to be nice.



>.>;; what trick? I'm just myself, which is a rude person, and it works. My rude friends have relationships, and my nice friends don't. Why? I dunno. I just know "what works"



i don't think there's a fixed thing about what "girls just love". i like shy boys quite as much, and i laugh at jocks a great deal. you, on the other hand, seem to be pretty good at deciding why girls go off with the "jock assholes" :D

.. considering you aren't a girl, and don't seem to be a jock type. it's always a fairly thin line between confidence and arrogance, anyway :blank:

Haha to be honest, I know several reasons why girls go off with jock assholes. Some of them being superficial, and I was really trying to stay away from that, since they're obvious. But, anyways, like I said, I don't actually know anything. I'm just guessing from what my own personal experiences have been. I'm too young to actually know anything, and everything I've said is a guess.

(Also, jock assholes is a stereotype, and a bad example, I know. I just used it cause I thought it worked :P )

[ZaichikArky]

^ I do.

I don't like girls who think like Dzee too. You know, it's very easy to tell if a guy likes you for the most part, because they'll treat you differently than they treat other girls 0_o. My bf is a nice person, but he's also somewhat antisocial and doesn't really ever talk to girls IRL, only mens. I'm kind of grateful ^_^*.

[dzee]

I'll be an asshole through the whole relationship if that's what happens. :P
that made me :rofl: cookie points to you, i'll concede that then.


>.>;; what trick?
the 'being rude' tip seems to have come up one too often in discussions on how to get girls.


But, anyways, like I said, I don't actually know anything. I'm just guessing from what my own personal experiences have been. I'm too young to actually know anything, and everything I've said is a guess.
i wouldn't know for sure either, but jocks do generally seem to be more outgoing, and (dare i say it?) fun. at least, going by what they talk about, there seems to be more going on in their life. it's an impression thing, perhaps.

then again, there's also the "trophy boyfriend" theory (which actually applies to both sexes.. oh hey, a palindrome :D)


because they'll treat you differently than they treat other girls 0_o. My bf is a nice person, but he's also somewhat antisocial and doesn't really ever talk to girls IRL, only mens.
you might realise it's harder to tell when he talks a lot to other girls. at least, i can't tell. it seems safer to me to assume he's treating me the same as he does others. i don't like to let my thoughts run wild because i'd prefer to think he likes me.

i'm also talking about the part before you start dating. most girls i know can't distinguish it properly either, and don't want to assume.

[Angelyne]

Beards are sexy, don't shave it off!


And since this is a relationship thread, my boyfriend and I are celebrating our fifth year anniversary early next month. I feel like we should celebrate, but I have no idea what to do.

[Shuft]

...you might realise it's harder to tell when he talks a lot to other girls. at least, i can't tell. it seems safer to me to assume he's treating me the same as he does others. i don't like to let my thoughts run wild because i'd prefer to think he likes me.

i'm also talking about the part before you start dating. most girls i know can't distinguish it properly either, and don't want to assume.
There is so much wrong here.
1 If you like a guy and you don't know if he likes you GO FOR IT!
2 There are a few easy ways to tell if a guy likes you. When you ask him if he likes you, does he say yes? When you ask him out, does he say yes?
3 There are also a few easy ways to tell if the nice guy you are in a relationship likes you. Has he broken up with you? Does he sex up anyone else?
4 Being an asshole to other people is a bad thing even if he is nice to you.

[Shuft]

Another thing.

Don't be coy. Don't act cool. Don't play hard to get.

It is just stupid.

That goes for both sexes.

[dzee]

There is so much wrong here.
1 If you like a guy and you don't know if he likes you GO FOR IT!
2 There are a few easy ways to tell if a guy likes you. When you ask him if he likes you, does he say yes? When you ask him out, does he say yes?
3 There are also a few easy ways to tell if the nice guy you are in a relationship likes you. Has he broken up with you? Does he sex up anyone else?
4 Being an asshole to other people is a bad thing even if he is nice to you.

1. thankfully, i do.
2. sounds fairly simple in theory. real-life doesn't however always give you a y/n reply.. and that's where the drama kicks in.
3. obviously. i did mention the specific context i was talking about, however.
4. your error is in assuming there are only 2 options i'm talking about: nice/asshole.

[mawande]

I have been out of relationships for nearly ten years now. I rarely miss it. Actually, when I miss it I think about my previous relationships and that pretty much stops me from picking up a guy.

I can, however, give wise advice.

Girls who go out with bad guys are generally bad news. 1) Perhaps they like assholes and get a kick out of dating someone who will possibly hurt someone else to amuse them. 2) They're trying to "save" him because their mother was abused by their father and they believe that if she just had loved him enough, well... fill in the details yourself. 3) They're terrified of something because of their childhood and think if they've got the big, strong man who will beat up on them but more protect them from other big, strong men, then they're going to be all right. 4) I forgot something. The ones who marry the bad guy because they've got a core belief that they can beat him rather than him beating up them like their mother was.

Martyrs, sadistic horrors, whimpering in terror and defying their fathers.

Let's try another evil point. If all the girls you like are dating other guys, the clear reason is that you're afraid to approach a girl who is single. If you're hanging about in the hopes that the girl will realize how awful her boyfriend is and go for you, well that's plain silly. A woman escaping a bad relationship really does not need to have such a manipulative creep stalking her.

Start looking among the single women. Don't even fret over a lack of perfect complexion. Or even really good complexion. Look for people who will talk and listen to you. Listen and talk to them. You MUST exchange. That's kind of vital to this. Weight also is not so much an issue. It general is for the guy, though. If you are overweight, you probably insist that the girl you go with is not.

[ZaichikArky]

Weight also is not so much an issue. It general is for the guy, though. If you are overweight, you probably insist that the girl you go with is not.

You know, I used to think that 90 percent of guys only like the kind of women on the various top model shows.

I talk to a lot of guys in general , and now I think the figure is dropped to more like 60-70% of guys only like girls on the top model shows ^_^;.

[Mastiker]

I've never expected a girl to be heavier or lighter. As long as they're fun to be around, is all I generally care about =3

[japanat]

Some women like beards, some don't. Some women like big, cuddly men; some don't. Hell, some women like back hair. If you want to wear a beard, you'll need to find a woman who likes beards (generally not the teen/early 20's, sorry). My wife made me shave off my beard because it tickles when it's long, and actually hurts when it's short.

The whole key is to decide who and what you want to be. Then be that person, no apologies, no fakery. As long as you're not Hannibal Lector, why should that be a problem.

And unless you really are a bad boy, you don't want to date a woman who likes bad boys. She'll dump your ass in a second. If you're a nice guy, just be a nice guy - but don't be a floor mat!

I'm a nice guy, and I had many dates; quite a few relationships (though nothing like StSparky); and married the woman I wanted to. Ain't nothing wrong with being nice!

[ZaichikArky]

I like mens who are taller than me(my first internet lover wasn't), don't have long hair, aren't 400 lbs(my first internet love was), aren't slackers, aren't spiteful, don't like to start drama, treat people well overall, treat me like a princess( >_>; ). For me, right now, the most important part is the age. I will never date a man who is 5 years or more older than me(and 5 is pushing it). It's just the way I've always felt. However, when I get older, maybe this will change. I'll just stop "teh list" there.

I can compromise on all of the criteria I listed other than the age. Oh, and maybe the 400 lbs thing. My current bf doesn't fit into all my criteria, but he generally is a hit, not a miss, so I am overall happy in my relationship. Though sometimes I get in "unhappy phases" and there is huge drama, but I don't think I've been in an unhappy phase for at least several months >_>;. It's all about comprimising, right : ).

My parents somehow completely defied the odds. They married at 24, had me at 24 and somehow miraculously after all my mothers shit(you think I flip out sometimes, you have never met my mom), they're together. I'm really grateful because it would really suck being an only child with divorced parents.

If anyone ever wants to hear a really fun story, ask me someday about meeting my first internet lover and how I met my boyfriend(they both live in Florida). I love telling it and some people think that I'm making parts up but I don't. Basically, I spent a year of my life in a really unhealthy relationship, if you even call it that. But I was 17, so it was excusable.

[Candyvan Stan]

I talk to a lot of guys in general , and now I think the figure is dropped to more like 60-70% of guys only like girls on the top model shows ^_^;.

Hope that figure drops to 59.8%-69.8%. I actually don't think girls that look like that are pretty! Normal looking, rather slim, 5'3"-5'8" girls are the most pretty to me. No (or not a lot of) makeup, please!

[Roxie]

I like guys who are responsible, honest, loyal, have an active social life, funny, intelligent, open-minded, gainfully employed, and have ambitions

[MNJetter]

My vote is with Angelyne's. I like beards. Some guys can't pull it off, but some guys actually look better with a little well-groomed facial hair. And I have always thought that, even when I was in my teens and early twenties. :P
(perhaps I still count....is 25 still "early twenties"?)

I don't have much in the way of personal criteria, but I tend to go for diamonds in the rough - big, strong guys who would never hurt a fly, nerds who actually have a handle on personal hygeine, etc......Not sure why. I just always have in the past. My last boyfriend was shorter than me, but strong as an ox. Also was an anime fan without being an otaku, or even particularly interested in Japan.

I only have one turnoff, and that is if the guy is skinnier or physically weaker than me. I am pretty strong for a girl, and I don't want to be the one in the relationship who can win in an arm-wrestling contest.

For the folks talking about confidence and arrogance, I've never been a fan of too much confidence. I've had some bad experiences with guys whose show of confidence served simply to mask the fact that they cared about themselves way more than they cared about me, so I can't bring myself to trust guys who are very confident.

[Roxie]

I like confidence. Arrogance is usually a sign of a LACK of confidence
I don't like beards, but trimmed mustaches are alright.

I don't hate aganist beards though.

[dzee]

clean faces / goatees on the right faces :innocent:

ftw!

[Roxie]

i do like the CD facial hair...

[ak24]

Start looking among the single women. Don't even fret over a lack of perfect complexion. Or even really good complexion. Look for people who will talk and listen to you. Listen and talk to them. You MUST exchange. That's kind of vital to this. Weight also is not so much an issue. It general is for the guy, though. If you are overweight, you probably insist that the girl you go with is not.

How can you tell if a women is single? "Do you have a boyfriend?" or "Are you single?" sounds so wrong to me to ask sometimes, although I admit I sometimes go onto that route for some odd reason.

[dzee]

mention their boyfriend :P

[stsparky]

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2042/1648060057_aa31af53a3.jpg

Beards can work for you. And the best line I ever repeatedly used was:

Are you datable?

It worked for me.

[knivesc]

Your beard makes you look like the second most powerful in a band of pirates :knockout:

And that can't be a bad thing.

[ZaichikArky]

How can you tell if a women is single? "Do you have a boyfriend?" or "Are you single?" sounds so wrong to me to ask sometimes, although I admit I sometimes go onto that route for some odd reason.

Easiest way, I think, is to try to make friends with her and pay attention if she ever brings up a boyfriend. If you're interested in her, that is.

[ak24]

Easiest way, I think, is to try to make friends with her and pay attention if she ever brings up a boyfriend. If you're interested in her, that is.

And, then, when I befriend the girl, she'll forever think of me as a friend. The End. LOL.

I think about 90% of time this occurs to everyone in someway.

[ZaichikArky]

not to me : (. Was best friends with the guy for a year then dated him ever since. It's kinda romantic. BTW, I don't really follow Az's "friends zone" ideas >_<. In the real world, it's often quite contrary....

[h2orowe]

:watson: I don't want to get rid of my beard forever. I just want to shave the beastly thing I have right now. >_>; It's rather uneven, and if I don't brush it, it makes me look like a rabbi. (I get all the little curls and stuff.) I want to grow it back out, but just really lightly, so that it looks neat, because when I'm not in one of my shitty moods, I like to dress up and look nice. (Jeans, clean looking button up :P basically, like the picture I posted earlier.) As of now, all I do is wear a hoody or a t-shirt, some dickies shorts, and that's it basically. Although, the hoody, jeans, my shoes, and these glasses I have have gotten me A LOT of compliments, even with the beard.

[Roxie]

All of my relationships have been friends first.

[Digital Masta]

You can always use the casual "invite them to some gathering and tell them to bring their significant other technique"

"Oh, yeah I got this thing going happening with my friends ya know, you should come, bring the boyfriend, too" :P

[Roxie]

Good one Masta!

[Urban~Ninja]

Well alot of you would know about my relationship since i used TRWPW as a outlet a few times, but basically it went to hell in a firey storm of a hand basket last night.

20 minutes before work she just wen silent, we were on a kinda bad convo as it was just talking about alot of negative things and she just goes "I cant do this" and basically yeah effectively broke up with me. I wasn't to effected i was more in shock at the time.

I get to work, and see my friend Ag, who is also a Supervisor and she knew straight off the bat that something happened and got me a 30 minute break to talk about it and suck, and i felt alot better after that. I then proceeded to do my tasks of cleaning computers and help put up decorations, with some friends and they made me feel better as well. ( i barely take calls now, i made friends with my higher ups and they let me get away with bloody murder.) Its nice having a good group of friends to rally around you and show you support.

T-minus 30 minutes to the end of work, i get a text from her reading that she still loves me and wants me to come home so i can talk about it and hopes we do talk again, if at all. I proceeded to read it and then leave it be, im not crawling back.

Cue me getting only after i shower, have dinner all that, I'm really in know rush to be told that its over. She then proceeds to say she does really really love me and that its just that she needs time, she wants to be with me and love me and all that mushy stuff but she needs to learn to be independent and not make her life revolve around me, that if one of us is always hurt something must being going wrong, i tend to agree. We lay out the arguments and maturely go through them.

Ending all is that she wants a break for she doesn't know how long and will come back when she is ready, I made it clear i wont wait forever and that if she does hook up with other guys or girls (bi-curious) i will most likely not come back and she cant take me for granted, that yes i love her but it wont always remain that way if there is a break. She still wants to talk and be friendly but well that could lead to misunderstanding in both camps. I went off without a BRB because well i wanted to get a snack from the servo. She went offline in that time and thought i stopped talking to her since i wasnt there. Well be mean to keep em keen and all that.

I mean i hope we can resolve that because we do have things in our social lives that will involve seeing each other and awkwardness i don't deal with well.

But this could be for the better, just need time to let it all settle, i can use the time to think about it all as well. My Best friend was very cool and said he would understand if at school i was slower and didn't talk as much and that its cool with him and he will make sure no one gives me shit....cause he knows if i get crap from a certain few people that i will probably knock them out.

Urban Ninja is a free Ninja again.

Also Parkway Drive is good music for this mood.

[ZaichikArky]

^ : (. Sorries. Sometimes girls are... really fickle >_>.

I generally tell people that it's a really bad idea being in a relationship before about age 18. Teen years should not to be wasted on relationship drama, there is already enough drama going on at that age : (.

[Roxie]

be mean to keep them keen???

[Urban~Ninja]

be mean to keep them keen???

Its like dont submit to what they want, be you, dont be whipped and the more you show you independence and more you show that you have control most of the time they will want to stay with you since you keep it fresh.

[jihei18]

I'm not sure this comes fully under the relationship topic, but I do need help. My best friend got married a few weeks ago, and I have no idea what to send her as a wedding present. We live in different countries, she's not the girly type, so I think most things traditional is out of the question, and I don't want to send a subliminal message that I don't approve of her marrying, which is the main reason I don't trust my gift giving skills at the moment. Any ideas?

[Roxie]

Its like dont submit to what they want, be you, dont be whipped and the more you show you independence and more you show that you have control most of the time they will want to stay with you since you keep it fresh.
control of what, exactly?

That doesn't sound like being mean. That sounds like...being yourself and knowing when to compromise and when to hold your ground..y'know..Adultish style.

[Roxie]

I'm not sure this comes fully under the relationship topic, but I do need help. My best friend got married a few weeks ago, and I have no idea what to send her as a wedding present. We live in different countries, she's not the girly type, so I think most things traditional is out of the question, and I don't want to send a subliminal message that I don't approve of her marrying, which is the main reason I don't trust my gift giving skills at the moment. Any ideas?
1. NEXT TIME, Send a gift before, on the date of, or only up to a week after the wedding.

2. Well, you know your friend, right? What does she like? Or did you want to get something for the both of them?

I got this (http://www.redenvelope.com/re/gifts/product_display/product_information.jsp?nc=78471&refPg=endeca_srch&N=0&Nr=searchable%3A0&Ntk=search&Ntt=vase&Ntx=mode%2Bmatchallpartial&viewall=26&initSrch=search&oid=6713247&nc2=1)for some friends that got married and they *loved* it.
It says "Hearts That Love Are Always In Bloom"

[MNJetter]

she just goes "I cant do this" and basically yeah effectively broke up with me.
Those are the exact words I used when I broke up with my last boyfriend. :box:

There was no drama, though. I think he knew it beforehand. I just couldn't do the long-distance relationship thing anymore. We both know that I'm willing to give it another shot when I get back to the states, if we are within a reasonable distance of one another.

Actually, I miss him quite a lot (more than I thought I would when I broke up with him :gloomy:), and I have thought of asking him to take me back on occassion, but I know that I would be going back and forth on the long-distance thing, and it would just put more strain on the relationship than taking a long break would.

[Roxie]

Here's what you should do:
LEAVE YOUR EX ALONE! You're just torturing yourself (and her). Stop contacting her, taker her off of myspace. You're not together and you're obviously not friends.

Hang out with your REAL friends. Do something new. Keep and stay busy.

[Urban~Ninja]

^^^

Yeah take my advice everyone, never bring up things you read on my space or face book or any of those, alot of the time you just misconstrue what they mean or what she/he was thinking at the time.

I learnt this the hard way since myspace caused alot of problems.

[Roxie]

Time to move on Jeth.

[knivesc]

But she'd never ask me to talk to her, much less with a <3.

She's not e-cool enough. Tell her she needs to gain some eSkills before she can talk to you again.

+this is the exact thing Az wrote about in his article.

[Fermented Yeast Paste]

Time to move on Jeth.
And get some bloody perspective on things, too. I mean really, complaining about her lack of using "<3" towards you? That IS pathetic.

[ZaichikArky]

Jeth, your situation is just WRONG in so many levels. Mainly due to her, but still sad.

I agree with everyone else, try to move on as best as you can. Maybe her problem is that she still likes you even though you're broken up, but refuses to admit it because if she did, it would hurt a lot more? I know I get like that with a lot of ppl I know.

Even though it's been pretty recent, it's better to just not try talking to her until things have settled down. Generally, trying to "be friends" after a breakup is ideal, but in the real world, it doesn't work out most of the time. The best way to deal with it IMO is to try to alienate yourself as much as you can from the problem person and after time goes by, see if you can patch things up a bit, if not, then it wasn't meant to be. Short annecdote:

with my first internet lover, he was dating some canadian girl but basically got to me first and I slept with him. So she "forgave" him but then went batshit and forbade him from "ever" talking to me again and he rightfully chose her over me, so we had a shitfight and didn't talk for 2 years, and then several months after those two had broken up, he did the unthinkable: contacted me, and now we are friends again. It's just too bad that my bf hates this guy.... a lot.

So yeah, alienate yourself from her as much as you can, and if you can be friends with her in the future, than that's cool. Dwelling over her is just bad news >_<.

[jindojim]

Jeth, you've been overdramatizing and whining about girls breaking up with you ever since you joined this forum. I'm not sure if this is the same girl, but you definitely were talking about how you couldn't get over this girl when she broke up with you awhile back. If it is the same girl...I'm gonna say this bluntly: you're fuckin pathetic. And, if this is a different girl, well...firstly congrats on letting that other one go. And now...JUST LET THIS ONE GO. It seems like you're much too clingy and dependent, reading way too much into the smallest of details in your relationships. It's bad enough when girls do it, but it's a shitload worse when guys do it. And I'm definitely sure it's not something girls want in a guy.

And, if your heart spells "WHY" like "WRYYY", I'd trust your brain.

[MNJetter]

The fact that she has a crush on someone else means that she didn't love me a lot, so she had space for another.
Most of your situation I completely agree with, but I think you can have a crush on someone else while still being completely in love with your significant other. It's less healthy for your relationship to pretend that your hormones all devoted themselves to one person than it is to acknowledge that the human body was not built for monogamy. You have the intelligence and self-control to avoid cheating on your lover, but you shouldn't condemn them simply for having thoughts and feelings that they can't help.

[Kyletherealninja]

Seriously. I mean, she broke up with you. Where on earth do you get this idea that you're still best friends and have no idea why she doesn't treat you as such? You act as though she's still your girlfriend. The best thing you can do is forget about her and move on. Failing to do this is practically waltzing down the red carpet to stalkerdom. Don't be that guy.

[ミュー]

Should I worry about a girl who is nice and is constantly trying to prove her worth to me, even though she's the jealous type and always asks me questions as if I were cheating on her?

[Urban~Ninja]

Jeth, im gonna say this as a guy who got hooked on a girl even after a break up, this was few girls ago, but none the less its still the same thing.

SEVER THE CONTACT at all costs.

1) Delete her from your internet communities friends lists etc It will do you a world of good.

2) Don't delete her from your msn contacts if you don't want to BUT treat her with a kinda...none emergency, even if you have to force it. Let her start convo's, leave he 3-4 minute gaps between you even starting a reply just to show you have kinda less mind on her and more mind on yourself.

3) KEEP YOURSELF SOCIAL! Go do things with friends and study more, take up a instrument anything to keep your mind on something else with a good focus. You want to build that amazing model plane? do it!

4) Switch up your music collection, put upbeat songs or songs that dont talk of love, etc. My music went from a healthy rotation of Metal and Alt Rock back to alot of just metalcore since its just something that doesnt remind me of being in a relationship.

5) Dont worry, im not worrying alot about my situation and i consider mine far worse then you, go with it for a bit.

The less interest you show in her, the more she may show in you, or she may not, either way you will be the bigger person and your man points will grow.

[Roxie]

It's not about "man points" it's about dignity and NOT stalking. Jeesh.

[Urban~Ninja]

It's not about "man points" it's about dignity and NOT stalking. Jeesh.

Man Points was just an analogy for growing, because doing what he is doing is fairly immature.

[stsparky]

Ouch.

The most important stuff is communicating wants and needs; Then hearing the other person's. Act on them together as a team.

Do not bahave as if you own anyone or if anyone owns you.

[Roxie]

Agreed, Sparky.

Jindo-it's a different one. She's barely 14-year-old.
realninja-To answer your question on where I got the idea that she's still my friend, that's because she says so.
urban ninja-The last time I talked to her, I haven't talked to her for two or three days previous. And I told her she shouldn't expect me to start a convo with her anymore. And I rarely listen to music with lyrics.
Jeth, STOP TALKING TO HER!

You are NOT going to be friends right after a break up. IF being friends is at all possible, it will take months of none to minimal contact. Especially not at her age. And as it is said, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

Are her actions telling you that's really a friend to you?

How old are you, Jeth?

[Roxie]

Wow...that's...illegal.

[Your Mom]

Wow...that's...illegal.
Only in some states! ;D

[Urban~Ninja]

Wow...that's...illegal.

In Aussy land that would be fine until March...but yes still very iffy on the age difference, you need to show yourself to be the mature one, your freaking 18 years old, she is 14 obviously her mind will work in a completely different way.

[mugen]

Wow...that's...illegal.
How long have you been on OP9 now?

Wanting a 17-year-old is not pedophilia, even though it's illegal in many parts of the world. Illegal sex is not pedophilia.

Plus, lolis are very delicious. There's nothing wrong with 12-14.
The drama on OP9... Just too hard not to indulge.

.

.

I just can't, I just can't, I just can't control myself.

[mawande]

Jindo-it's a different one. She's barely 14-year-old.
realninja-To answer your question on where I got the idea that she's still my friend, that's because she says so.
urban ninja-The last time I talked to her, I haven't talked to her for two or three days previous. And I told her she shouldn't expect me to start a convo with her anymore. And I rarely listen to music with lyrics.

How old are you, Jeth? And either way, leave fourteen year old girls alone.

[mawande]

How can you tell if a women is single? "Do you have a boyfriend?" or "Are you single?" sounds so wrong to me to ask sometimes, although I admit I sometimes go onto that route for some odd reason.

Well, it's generally better if "Do you have a boyfriend?" is not the first thing you say. First thing they're going to think is "Geez this guy's shallow. He hasn't even spoken to me and he's already trying to get in my pants."

Try out this M2M bit for a meaningful song on the subject:

Got introduced to you by a friend
You were cute and all that
Baby you set the trend
Yes you did, oh
The next thing I know we're down at the cinema
We're sitting there you said you love me
What's that about?

You're moving too fast, I don't understand you
I'm not ready yet, baby I can't pretend
No I can't
The best I can do is tell you to talk to me
It's possible, eventual
Love will find a way
Love will find a way

CHORUS
Don't say you love me
You don't even know me
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Don't go there baby
Not before I'm ready
Don't say your heart's in a hurry
It's not like we're gonna get married
Give me, give me some time

Here's how I play, here's where you stand
Here's what to prove to get any further than where it's been
I'll make it clear, not gonna tell you twice
Take it slow, you keep pushing me
You're pushing me away
Pushing me away

CHORUS

oooo, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
na, na, na, na, na, na, na
oooo, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Don't say you love me
You don't even know me baby

Baby don't say you love me, baby
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Give me some time


Can't say I care of the "oooo, na, na,na" bit, but the chorus sums it up pretty well for me.

[Roxie]

I don't know mawande, that "oooo, na, na, na" spoke to me.

[Angelyne]

http://img247.imageshack.us/img247/227/pedobear4dz.jpg

[Beowulf]

The drama on OP9... Just too hard not to indulge.

.

.

I just can't, I just can't, I just can't control myself.
There weren't enough pedo bear imgs in the world for that quote...

[h2orowe]

So, earlier today, I started missing the last girl I was involved with. The Jewish one. Then I started talking to my friend about how much she sucked, and I was like "Dude, how the hell could I miss that?" then I talked to Jewish girl today >_>; she has a boyfriend now. I was hoping I could get a girlfriend before she got a boyfriend just so I could rub it in her face. Yes, I sound childish, but oh well, she's a bitch.

[Beowulf]

So, earlier today, I started missing the last girl I was involved with. The Jewish one. Then I started talking to my friend about how much she sucked, and I was like "Dude, how the hell could I miss that?" then I talked to Jewish girl today >_>; she has a boyfriend now. I was hoping I could get a girlfriend before she got a boyfriend just so I could rub it in her face. Yes, I sound childish, but oh well, she's a bitch.
You don't miss her, you miss the idea of her.

[sOkU]

My gf and I are going strong, but I'm tired of people interjecting that interracial relationships "do not work". :bang:

[Roxie]

What assholes, Soku.

When I was in an interracial relationship, I caught a lot shit from my peers and strangers, "do you only date white guys?" "I would never date a white man" etc.. I never got shit from my parents though, but my b/f did.

[h2orowe]

You don't miss her, you miss the idea of her.
Yeah, that's true.

[ZaichikArky]

Angelyne, so you get your relationship advice from the themesong of the Pokeeemon 2001 movie?

I can't blame you. I did too. In 2001 >_>.

[Angelyne]

Angelyne, so you get your relationship advice from the themesong of the Pokeeemon 2001 movie?

I can't blame you. I did too. In 2001 >_>.

What the hell are you talking about?

[ZaichikArky]

Nevermind.

[Roxie]

Damn. I wanted to know too.

[ZaichikArky]

Oh fine. In order to promote the first Pokeemon movie in the states, they made an "original soundtrack" which had a bunch of teenybopper hits. They heavily promoted that song and somehow tried to associate it with Pokemon.

http://www.amazon.com/Pokemon-First-Movie-Original-Soundtrack/dp/B00002MZ1Y

[Dresh]

You realize that movie wasn't released in 2001, right?

[Black Dog]

Relationships are overated !!! Enough said !!!

[Black Dog]

Ouch.

The most important stuff is communicating wants and needs; Then hearing the other person's. Act on them together as a team.

Do not bahave as if you own anyone or if anyone owns you.


I agree !!! Communication is very important !!! I try to be as open and honest as possible! I figure that is better than lying or bottling up my feelings.

[jindojim]

I agree !!! Communication is very important !!! I try to be as open and honest as possible! I figure that is better than lying or bottling up my feelings.
Wow !! Exclamation points are awesome !!!! It really makes me want to take you seriously !!!oneoneone111

[mawande]

What the hell are you talking about?

He thought you were me. I'm the one who posted the lyrics to the song. And I can like the song for what it says. The relationship advice I've known for roughly twenty years, now.

The original Japanese movie, "Mew Two Strikes Back" was lovely. While they stayed reasonably close to it in the English version, they cut out several very deep and powerful points (because it might traumatize par - er, children).

[ZaichikArky]

^Oh. Sorry. Sometimes I don't pay attention to who posts what. Also, I'm not a he.

One more thing, for the dumbass who said "omg not 2001", I ain't freaking looking up whatever year the dumbass movie was. You must know when it was released apparently. I guess you cosplayed as team rocket with a bunch of friends like I did during the opening weekend? I thought I remembered seeing it when I was 14 or 15. Oh wait, wasn't this one called "the millennium" movie or something. HM...

It was a cute movie. I think the best one : ).

[Black Dog]

Wow !! Exclamation points are awesome !!!! It really makes me want to take you seriously !!!oneoneone111


YA I KNOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Black Dog]

Wow !! Exclamation points are awesome !!!! It really makes me want to take you seriously !!!oneoneone111


YOUR ONE OF THE KANJI HATERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I READ YOUR POSTS ALL THE TIME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HAVE BEEN LURKING THESE FORUMS FOR SEVERAL YEARS NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST RECENTLY JUST STERTED POSTING AGIAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ENOUGH SPAM !

I'm just playing around. I will tone it down from now on. Sorry, if I offended anyone with my over use of exclamation marks. My English is bad and I have an inferority complex when comes to speaking and writting English.:gloomy:

[Black Dog]

He thought you were me. I'm the one who posted the lyrics to the song. And I can like the song for what it says. The relationship advice I've known for roughly twenty years, now.

The original Japanese movie, "Mew Two Strikes Back" was lovely. While they stayed reasonably close to it in the English version, they cut out several very deep and powerful points (because it might traumatize par - er, children).

I saw that movie in the theatre. It's proberly the best among all the pokemon movies. For the record, I had a friend from Highschool who forced me to watch several of the Pokemon movies in English and Japanese. I should ran for the hills, but alas I didn't.

[dzee]

i laughed a little. i personally think it's fine.

but you should try not to double (or triple, for that matter) post. you do know you can edit your posts? :)

[Dresh]

^Oh. Sorry. Sometimes I don't pay attention to who posts what. Also, I'm not a he.

One more thing, for the dumbass who said "omg not 2001", I ain't freaking looking up whatever year the dumbass movie was. You must know when it was released apparently. I guess you cosplayed as team rocket with a bunch of friends like I did during the opening weekend? I thought I remembered seeing it when I was 14 or 15. Oh wait, wasn't this one called "the millennium" movie or something. HM...

It was a cute movie. I think the best one : ).

I don't remember the actual year of release, but the second one was called Pokemon the Movie 2000, the first one was Pokemon The First Movie. Given the US title for the second movie, it is a safe assumption that the first one came out prior to the year 2000. And no I didn't cosplay for either release, though I only ever saw the first one anyway.

[mugen]

There weren't enough pedo bear imgs in the world for that quote...
Oh shit. I didn't even mean it like that :(

[Swede]

I like how relationship thread changed to "pokemon movie discussion" thread. Maybe that's the real answer to relationship problems :watson:

[Dresh]

It was tears of love that brought Ash back to life. :innocent:

[Black Dog]

I like how relationship thread changed to "pokemon movie discussion" thread. Maybe that's the real answer to relationship problems :watson:


I think it important in any type of relationship to have common interests and activies you can do together. If you like pokemon and meet a person that also likes pokemon, then perhaps that person is the right one.

[Shuft]

nobody who likes pokemon is the right one

[Urban~Ninja]

How about we move back onto relationships and someone can slap up a Pokemon thread in the entertainment forums?

So lets discuss how to keep the girl/guy you love, just as a general basis. What do you people considering smothering and clingyness?

Mine is just wanting to be with that person all the time even when your not really meant to be, like when they want to just go hang with the boys/girls, and their significant other wouldn't really enjoy it. Other things like stopping you from doing things you really want to do, i.e move house, go on a trip etc.

[Swede]

How about we move back onto relationships and someone can slap up a Pokemon thread in the entertainment forums?

So lets discuss how to keep the girl/guy you love, just as a general basis. What do you people considering smothering and clingyness?

Mine is just wanting to be with that person all the time even when your not really meant to be, like when they want to just go hang with the boys/girls, and their significant other wouldn't really enjoy it. Other things like stopping you from doing things you really want to do, i.e move house, go on a trip, play pokemon, listen to the pokemon soundtrack, watch the cinematic masterpiece that is the pokemon movie, etc.

I agree.

[DragonQueen]

I consider clinginess/smothering to be something like inviting yourself along anywhere, even more so if you're either specifically asked/told that you shouldn't come or if it's out of your way.

...Thinking about it, being clingy is fairly self-explanatory. If I want to do something alone and the significant other WILL NOT LEAVE, that's pretty clingy. If I'm doing something with my friends and he's not invited and comes along anyway, that's probably more under the category of smothering.

I feel quite fortunate that I won't have new real-life examples of such from that particular person. My current boyfriend is absolutely amazing when it comes to dealing with my hangups because he's far less neurotic than I am. ^^;

[MNJetter]

Mine is just wanting to be with that person all the time even when your not really meant to be, like when they want to just go hang with the boys/girls, and their significant other wouldn't really enjoy it.
I have never dated someone whose friends I didn't enjoy hanging with. And I don't think I would continue dating him if he wasn't able to enjoy hanging out with my friends.

But then again, growing up, most of my friends were guys, so I tend to make friends with people who can get along with either gender. I don't have any extremely girly friends, and have never had a significant other who was overly interested in the stereotypical "man-things" (cars, drinking, etc.) unless I am also overly interested in them (TV).

[Swede]

drinking is a man thing? hm.

[Ceirnian]

Stereotypical is the key wodrd

[Swede]

I guess I wasn't even aware of the stereotype =/

[MNJetter]

At least in America, we have the stereotype of the beer-drinking, football-watching, car-tinkering macho (redneck) man. That's more what I was going for.

I don't think I could ever date a redneck.

[Swede]

At least in America, we have the stereotype of the beer-drinking, football-watching, car-tinkering macho (redneck) man. That's more what I was going for.

I don't think I could ever date a redneck.



Ahhh I see (I'm from America btw >_>)

redneck man, I know that. but at least to me, redneck man=/= man

[Black Dog]

My ex-girlfriend could drink far more than I could and she liked strong drinks. I like sweet tasting drinks.

[MNJetter]

Ahhh I see (I'm from America btw >_>)
I know, I can see that on your sidebar. I just specified American stereotype because I don't think they specifically have the redneck stereotype in many other countries.

[Digital Masta]

But there is also the stereotype of the man who's all those things but not a redneck.

[MNJetter]

yes.......

I wouldn't date them either. :P

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

I recently started a relationship with someone I was already good friends with. So far it's going alright, we're spending more time together and being more open about our lives, etc. However, I'm not really sure how to move the relationship forward physically/sexually. Since we've been good friends for over a year we're used to just hanging out and just talking and not doing anything more. We are both fairly inexperienced with relationships in general as well (I think, I don't know her full history yet). I figure I'm gonna have to make the moves though cause she's already shown some resistance to being the one who takes initiative (if that sentence doesn't make sense let me know and I'll clarify). It doesn't help that I kinda have a cold right now - I don't want to gross her out by getting too close to her when I'm sick. fyi I'm 19, she's 20.

Another side question would be what do you guys think about one person in the relationship using drugs/getting intoxicated when the other person doesn't. I like to get drunk in certain social situations, she drinks a bit but always way less than me. Also occasionally I'll smoke pot or do other drugs (not so much the latter anymore) and I know she doesn't do those things, I would probably be willing to give them up for a girl but I'm wondering if it's necessary and how other people have dealt with differences like those? This isn't really a serious question for me cause I don't see a problem arising from it, more a topic of discussion.

[ZaichikArky]

I like how relationship thread changed to "pokemon movie discussion" thread. Maybe that's the real answer to relationship problems

Okay, this one deserves to out my citizen quote, unfortunately. congrats.

[belladonna]

Another side question would be what do you guys think about one person in the relationship using drugs/getting intoxicated when the other person doesn't. I like to get drunk in certain social situations, she drinks a bit but always way less than me. Also occasionally I'll smoke pot or do other drugs (not so much the latter anymore) and I know she doesn't do those things, I would probably be willing to give them up for a girl but I'm wondering if it's necessary and how other people have dealt with differences like those? This isn't really a serious question for me cause I don't see a problem arising from it, more a topic of discussion.
i have a problem with drugs in general, any type, marijuana included. i have problems with them mostly because most of my exes have used them and have cheated on me, plus it just changes the way the person acts, so you never know if they are being real. drinking is ok by me, however i don't drink - my bf can, so long as he doesn't get drunk, he knows that he won't get any if he gets drunk. i don't see the necessity of drugs when you have a significant other anyway

[Roxie]

I recently started a relationship with someone I was already good friends with. So far it's going alright, we're spending more time together and being more open about our lives, etc. However, I'm not really sure how to move the relationship forward physically/sexually. Since we've been good friends for over a year we're used to just hanging out and just talking and not doing anything more. We are both fairly inexperienced with relationships in general as well (I think, I don't know her full history yet). I figure I'm gonna have to make the moves though cause she's already shown some resistance to being the one who takes initiative (if that sentence doesn't make sense let me know and I'll clarify). It doesn't help that I kinda have a cold right now - I don't want to gross her out by getting too close to her when I'm sick. fyi I'm 19, she's 20.
As they say "ain't nuthin to it but to do it!" You may want to talk to her about what level of intimacy she's ready for though.
Wait till the cold passes. No one likes getting sick.


Another side question would be what do you guys think about one person in the relationship using drugs/getting intoxicated when the other person doesn't. I like to get drunk in certain social situations, she drinks a bit but always way less than me. Also occasionally I'll smoke pot or do other drugs (not so much the latter anymore) and I know she doesn't do those things, I would probably be willing to give them up for a girl but I'm wondering if it's necessary and how other people have dealt with differences like those? This isn't really a serious question for me cause I don't see a problem arising from it, more a topic of discussion.
That's something best discussed with your partner. It depends on her view of your activities. Me, I'm am very anti-drug use and would have a HUGE problem with it.

[Jay]

Also, I'm not a he.

Except on Tuesdays. :innocent:

[Mastiker]

I recently started a relationship with someone I was already good friends with. So far it's going alright, we're spending more time together and being more open about our lives, etc. However, I'm not really sure how to move the relationship forward physically/sexually. Since we've been good friends for over a year we're used to just hanging out and just talking and not doing anything more. We are both fairly inexperienced with relationships in general as well (I think, I don't know her full history yet). I figure I'm gonna have to make the moves though cause she's already shown some resistance to being the one who takes initiative (if that sentence doesn't make sense let me know and I'll clarify). It doesn't help that I kinda have a cold right now - I don't want to gross her out by getting too close to her when I'm sick. fyi I'm 19, she's 20.

If I were you, I'd take things slow, but you don't want to wait too long... if you wait too long, it'll seem like you're not interested in it at all. I'd wait until you get rid of the worst of the cold before you make a move, were I you. I wouldn't worry too much about trying to get physical with her - it is something you should look out for. If you find it difficult to by physical with her, then perhaps the relationship is best left at friends.

Another side question would be what do you guys think about one person in the relationship using drugs/getting intoxicated when the other person doesn't. I like to get drunk in certain social situations, she drinks a bit but always way less than me. Also occasionally I'll smoke pot or do other drugs (not so much the latter anymore) and I know she doesn't do those things, I would probably be willing to give them up for a girl but I'm wondering if it's necessary and how other people have dealt with differences like those? This isn't really a serious question for me cause I don't see a problem arising from it, more a topic of discussion.

Its all about what matters more to you; the girl or the drugs. Getting drunk and high when she doesn't can make her feel uncomfortable. If she doesn't mind it at first, she will eventually. If you like the girl, quit the drugs.

Word of advice to everyone: if you think it might be a problem, it probably will be. Talk to your partner. Communication = a-okay! :watson:

[Duke Luke of Juke]

Another side question would be what do you guys think about one person in the relationship using drugs/getting intoxicated when the other person doesn't. I like to get drunk in certain social situations, she drinks a bit but always way less than me. Also occasionally I'll smoke pot or do other drugs (not so much the latter anymore) and I know she doesn't do those things, I would probably be willing to give them up for a girl but I'm wondering if it's necessary and how other people have dealt with differences like those? This isn't really a serious question for me cause I don't see a problem arising from it, more a topic of discussion.
I've known a lot of relationships where the guy was a recreational pot/acid/shrooms user, and things worked out perfectly fine, because the girl approached things rationally and felt that as long as he wasn't hurting anyone it wasn't a problem. You don't want a girl who's not cool with letting you do whatever it is you like to do (as long as no one gets hurt) as a pastime anyway, I'd hope.

If you do toke though, it always helps if your girlfriend has similar hobbies. =P

[whispering]

i don't go for nice guys, if only because i don't want to see them being nice to everyone else like they are to me :blank:

also, you can't tell if they like you more than they like other girls. and most people i know don't really want to ask about that kind of thing.

It seems like you're much too clingy and dependent, reading way too much into the smallest of details in your relationships. It's bad enough when girls do it, but it's a shitload worse when guys do it. And I'm definitely sure it's not something girls want in a guy.

There lies the problem :watson:

In the end of the day the safest bet is to go as who you are, if that doesnt work, it cant be helped.

Anyway i'm single ATM, been for some years now.

[mawande]

Another side question would be what do you guys think about one person in the relationship using drugs/getting intoxicated when the other person doesn't. I like to get drunk in certain social situations, she drinks a bit but always way less than me. Also occasionally I'll smoke pot or do other drugs (not so much the latter anymore) and I know she doesn't do those things, I would probably be willing to give them up for a girl but I'm wondering if it's necessary and how other people have dealt with differences like those? This isn't really a serious question for me cause I don't see a problem arising from it, more a topic of discussion.

It's a serious topic for me. Let me give you a pretty bad-case scenario. The girl really likes you. You seem pretty all right even when drunk or stoned. She doesn't want to be a nag. Now, you start to get drunk a little more often. Get stoned more often. In fact, over a year or so you start to be either or both of these as much as you feel like it, to which other people are starting to say "Dude, maybe you should get some help." Including your girlfriend. You feel she is being a nag but, to make her happy, you start going to A.A. After a couple of weeks of that you stop. And maybe you start going again the next time she gets anxious. But you're really starting to feel like you're being nagged. Your fun is being soured. Your girlfriend worries too much and she also fusses too much when you forget to do things you promised to do. And you think she's starting to look at other men and so you tell her maybe if you had something important, like a baby, to care for you'd stop doing drugs and smoking and start working really hard.

This sort of backfires when your girlfriend, clinging to straws, lets herself get pregnant. But now that she's pregnant you figure she can't leave you, and you start drinking and doing drugs as much as you please, which is actually more than it was before, but who's counting? And then at a party you see your girlfriend laugh at a joke some guy made. So after the party when you two get home you punch her for flirting and kick her, causing her to bump hard against the window which breaks and then has to be repaired.

A couple of days later you come back to the house to find all your stuff thrown out and the locks changed. Your girlfriend won't talk to you, but her friends tell you to get the hell away. So you go and flounce. You call her and sometimes she talks to you because she's pregnant with your child, but since you got thrown out and haven't been working much lately, usually you want to borrow money. And then one day she has you thrown in jail on a warrant you'd been avoiding real work to avoid getting caught on and sells the music equipment she bought you when she believed in your music career, which you'd started selling yourself to buy booze and drugs but now you weren't getting the money. When you call to tell her "I know who turned me in to the cops!" she replies snidely, "Gee, what was your first clue?!"

Now, whatever happens to you is never really known, except for that one time when a friend of yours tells your girlfriend you ended up chasing your next girlfriend around the kitchen with a knife.

Your ex-girlfriend, on the other hand, dumps a succession of boyfriends every time they start hinting they'd like to become more intimate. Like, maybe have sex. She sees a guy's hand passing out of the corner of her eye and either runs or punches. She sits on a sofa with a really sweet guy who has a reputation as being really good and when he tries to kiss her flinches away, and when he mistakes the flinch for "please lean in and give it to me good" grabs his Adam's apple and twists.

In short, while you haven't quite turned your ex into a lesbian, after having the man she loved (or just believe she loved) turn into such a horrible person, she can't even get intimate with another man because YOU WERE THAT BAD.

[Digital Masta]

The reverse of that is a friend of mine who's girlfriend has him by the balls and as long as he's around he won't drink much of anything. (It goes WAY deeper than just this)

So when he drinks and she's not around we are all like "Oh wow, she let you out to play?"

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

Thanks for all the responses.

My thoughts on the drug issue are probably that when I'm not with the girl I'm free to do whatever drugs I want, not let the girl control me when she's not there and since I don't do drugs that often or in a particular unsafe manner I believe that would be fine. When I am with her I won't do anything beyond alcohol because I know as a person who at one time didn't use drugs myself it could really upset her and definetely put some distance between us. As for alcohol, for the time being I'm probably not gonna get drunk around her because I'm still very nervous about impressing/wooing/acting cool/etc. around her (ya I know, I should just be myself, well myself isn't drunk). In the future when it returns to be pretty average to be around her I may resume my normal practice of drinking more than her at social events because at least she can relate to my drunkness (unlike me being high which she would have no frame of reference for).

To elabourate further on my original question and this is rather embarrassing, I could do with tips in general for initiating activities of a more physical and sexual nature because as I said I'm just plain inexperienced (as well as shy and I over think things) and she appears to be shy and inexperienced about these things too.

[mawande]

What troubles me is this phrase: "When I'm not with the girl I'm free to do whatever drugs I want, not let the girl control me when she's not there." This shows me that if you start to have a niggling fear that you're becoming an addict, you might use "that's her controlling me" as an excuse not to face up to the fact and stop yourself.

[Roxie]

Also seems like you're willing to NOT be honest with her.

[ZaichikArky]

no offense but 2 people who are shy and inexperienced will just end up having bad sex for a LONG time. Usually. If you want to change this, try some new things out. You know, there *are* books out there. When I was 15, my fav thing to do would be to sit in the bookstores for hours and giggle and learn about gaysex. I read a little about hetero sex too, but that bored me, and I learned way more from certain people at school. So if you want to make your sex interesting, just try new things out that will not scare the girl. that's all.

I hate sex for the most part, and my bf never asks me for it. Instead, I just suck on his penis. Or bite it... but that's more my enjoyment so I guess I benefit from it too?

I mean, why would I want to have sex if he can't ever please me and I'm much rather masturbate? Thankfully, I don't give a shit about having a good sexlife, and me sucking on his penis often enough and not biting it off is all he really cares about.

[dzee]

There lies the problem :watson:

In the end of the day the safest bet is to go as who you are, if that doesnt work, it cant be helped.

Anyway i'm single ATM, been for some years now.

i- i'm lost .. what problem? :(


also, as mentioned, zai's reply should belong in the sex thread .. pretty .. pleeease?

[ak24]

Herein lies the solution, for me anyway.

Just go on with your life without thinking too much of who you like or have a crush on. Just do what you gotta do everyday, keep yourself busy. Improve yourself while you keep busy. Then, while you don't pay attention to these things... weird stuff will come/happen to you.

It kind of works. It happened to me in high school, but I blew it. LOL

Conclusion, I guess, is don't think about it too much and keep yourself busy!

I hope that made sense. And, yeah. I need to work on my own advice which I have difficult time doing.

[japanat]

My gf and I are going strong, but I'm tired of people interjecting that interracial relationships "do not work". :bang:17 years and counting!

[ZaichikArky]

i- i'm lost .. what problem? :(


also, as mentioned, zai's reply should belong in the sex thread .. pretty .. pleeease?

HAHAHA. And you say you're not emotionally immature :p.

Gah, I kind of exaggerated that one a little anyway : ).

[dzee]

sorry i don't like to imagine you sucking someone :blank:

and what - biting? masturbating? no, i don't think i'm the only one here who doesn't want to read about other people's fairly graphic adventures with their own bodies. hopefully not, at least..

[nanashi]

The visual made me cringe. (It seemed painful) maybe you can just edit your post so it's less graphic?

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

What troubles me is this phrase: "When I'm not with the girl I'm free to do whatever drugs I want, not let the girl control me when she's not there." This shows me that if you start to have a niggling fear that you're becoming an addict, you might use "that's her controlling me" as an excuse not to face up to the fact and stop yourself.

Perhaps I phrased it wrong because I didn't mean to imply that if she asked me to stop I wouldn't -I could certainly see myself stopping if she really wanted me to. Also I am being honest with her cause I never said I wouldn't tell her I was doing drugs when I wasn't with her.

The whole drug question was all pretty hypothetical actually cause to be honest during the 8 months of the year I'm in school I rarely do anything more than get drunk (which I don't do that often) and during last summer I probably only smoked pot about once a month (so a total of 4 times).

[Black Dog]

sorry i don't like to imagine you sucking someone :blank:

and what - biting? masturbating? no, i don't think i'm the only one here who doesn't want to read about other people's fairly graphic adventures with their own bodies. hopefully not, at least..

Then it's best to not read what people post. Sex and relationships go hand in hand. Of course, though she could of toned it down a bit.

I wasn't shy, but my ex was shy. It was arkward at times, but I did my best and she ejoyed it and even asked for it a few times.

[stsparky]

You have to work at good sex. And you have to be trustworthy and do what you can to prevent hurt feelings. If one partner offers to do fellatio, it is good form to respond with with being a cunning linguist. That seems fair to me.

[SlickWilly440]

If one partner offers to do fellatio, it is good form to respond with with being a cunning linguist. That seems fair to me.

What is "fellatio?"......googling "fellatio"......Woah nothing but porn results.....jackpot!....JK

[Swede]

Reminds of some good ol' hazing we used to do at my old job.

I worked at a country club, and my job basically consisted of carrying trays of food from the kitchen, running errands for the chefs, etc. Shit job, but it had its moments.

Anyways, whenever we got a new guy, they would inevitably get asked to run up to our boss's office and ask her for some fellatio because we were all out. Sounds a little bit like some sort of Italian food I suppose, so a lot of them would actually fall for it.

"Yeah, the chef's say they need some fellatio" or "We need some more fellatio in the kitchen"

Fucking Brilliant.
Never got old :clap:

[whispering]

i- i'm lost .. what problem? :(
You dont know if they like you, thus making me believe you want to be liked, worshipped or whatever. Then another pretty much says men should be emotionally a rock. The problem is that you cant go by what any one says, the safest is to just go as who you are.

[dzee]

i need to know if they like me before i venture to think anything else beyond mere attraction :bang:

if they treat me much the same as they treat others (which is, presumably, very nicely - for the nice guys out there i've met), i can't tell. i really can't.

so yes, i suppose i do want to be liked in particular by someone i'm attracted to, and to know it for sure. .. unfortunately, i suppose real-life isn't always that clear-cut and coldly logical. much less something as grey as human interaction.

[mochyan]

i dated two guys this year and they both ended pretty bad. i was never officially with either one, but i was still pretty hurt at the end.
i've been getting over it and my best friend/ex-bf told me he likes me again. top it off, he treats me like a princess and is super awesome and will wait for me to get over the other guys.

he's the perfect kind of guy that i want to date, but i just don't like him that way. makes me feel retarded.

[whispering]

if they treat me much the same as they treat others (which is, presumably, very nicely - for the nice guys out there i've met), i can't tell. i really can't.

Some have called me a "nice guy" having fallen to the friend zone some times, but anyway i have had the same problem many times, what i did was pretty much what my friends call as "reading too much into things (RTMIT™)". Just analyze the situations, being nice is just one thing, others are; wanting to be close to the person, listening what she says (in a group), eyecontact (how often do you catch him looking you), in group when talking (does he speak to you when talking to a group), does he show intrest in your personal life etc. You cant judge by one thing, its a sum of many. Even then you get a good direction as to should you pursue or not (i have a fear of getting into embarassing situations thats probably why i go through the whole process though :watson:).

[h2orowe]

It's a serious topic for me. Let me give you a pretty bad-case scenario. The girl really likes you. You seem pretty all right even when drunk or stoned. She doesn't want to be a nag. Now, you start to get drunk a little more often. Get stoned more often. In fact, over a year or so you start to be either or both of these as much as you feel like it, to which other people are starting to say "Dude, maybe you should get some help." Including your girlfriend. You feel she is being a nag but, to make her happy, you start going to A.A. After a couple of weeks of that you stop. And maybe you start going again the next time she gets anxious. But you're really starting to feel like you're being nagged. Your fun is being soured. Your girlfriend worries too much and she also fusses too much when you forget to do things you promised to do. And you think she's starting to look at other men and so you tell her maybe if you had something important, like a baby, to care for you'd stop doing drugs and smoking and start working really hard.

This sort of backfires when your girlfriend, clinging to straws, lets herself get pregnant. But now that she's pregnant you figure she can't leave you, and you start drinking and doing drugs as much as you please, which is actually more than it was before, but who's counting? And then at a party you see your girlfriend laugh at a joke some guy made. So after the party when you two get home you punch her for flirting and kick her, causing her to bump hard against the window which breaks and then has to be repaired.

A couple of days later you come back to the house to find all your stuff thrown out and the locks changed. Your girlfriend won't talk to you, but her friends tell you to get the hell away. So you go and flounce. You call her and sometimes she talks to you because she's pregnant with your child, but since you got thrown out and haven't been working much lately, usually you want to borrow money. And then one day she has you thrown in jail on a warrant you'd been avoiding real work to avoid getting caught on and sells the music equipment she bought you when she believed in your music career, which you'd started selling yourself to buy booze and drugs but now you weren't getting the money. When you call to tell her "I know who turned me in to the cops!" she replies snidely, "Gee, what was your first clue?!"

Now, whatever happens to you is never really known, except for that one time when a friend of yours tells your girlfriend you ended up chasing your next girlfriend around the kitchen with a knife.

Your ex-girlfriend, on the other hand, dumps a succession of boyfriends every time they start hinting they'd like to become more intimate. Like, maybe have sex. She sees a guy's hand passing out of the corner of her eye and either runs or punches. She sits on a sofa with a really sweet guy who has a reputation as being really good and when he tries to kiss her flinches away, and when he mistakes the flinch for "please lean in and give it to me good" grabs his Adam's apple and twists.

In short, while you haven't quite turned your ex into a lesbian, after having the man she loved (or just believe she loved) turn into such a horrible person, she can't even get intimate with another man because YOU WERE THAT BAD.
Wow. If this is going to happen because someone's smoking pot on occasion, I'd hate to see what they'd do if it was alcohol. Or even if he was sober, the guy seems like he'd be a douche. I think this post is pretty much B.S. I'm sure it's happened before, but with something like drinking with someone who drinks too, and pot? No. It wouldn't happen unless it was already going to happen with the guy being sober. Drugs don't cause problems in relationships. People cause problems in relationships. You can blame it on a drug all you want, blahblahblah, but in the end, it's the user who's responsible, and the abuser who's fucked things up.

[Swede]

Wow. If this is going to happen because someone's smoking pot on occasion, I'd hate to see what they'd do if it was alcohol. Or even if he was sober, the guy seems like he'd be a douche. I think this post is pretty much B.S. I'm sure it's happened before, but with something like drinking with someone who drinks too, and pot? No. It wouldn't happen unless it was already going to happen with the guy being sober. Drugs don't cause problems in relationships. People cause problems in relationships. You can blame it on a drug all you want, blahblahblah, but in the end, it's the user who's responsible, and the abuser who's fucked things up.

I agree with about half of what you said there. Yeah, that story was basically like absolute worst-case-scenario and probably not what is realistically going to happen to a normal person. But at the same time, I've known plenty of people who have been in decent relationships that got fucked up by drug use.

Sure, some people may be fine with drugs or whatever, good for them. But there's a lot of people who would be much better off if they weren't on drugs too. Its not just 'this person has a drug problem, it's all their fault and not the drugs'. Its just not that simple.

[h2orowe]

I'm not saying everyone's right for drugs. I'm just sick of people blaming things on drugs though. Don't ask why drugs fucked things up. Ask why the person felt like they had to abuse drugs. It might not be the spouse's fault, it might be from something else like work or past experiences; hell, it probably ISN'T the spouse's fault. Still, though, it's not the drug's fault. It's the person's fault.

[ZaichikArky]

Wow. If this is going to happen because someone's smoking pot on occasion, I'd hate to see what they'd do if it was alcohol. Or even if he was sober, the guy seems like he'd be a douche. I think this post is pretty much B.S. I'm sure it's happened before, but with something like drinking with someone who drinks too, and pot? No. It wouldn't happen unless it was already going to happen with the guy being sober. Drugs don't cause problems in relationships. People cause problems in relationships. You can blame it on a drug all you want, blahblahblah, but in the end, it's the user who's responsible, and the abuser who's fucked things up.

Word. Hello Murphy's Law. Hello Murphy's Law on Crack. For the record, Mawade's post was highly interesting 0_o.

[h2orowe]

Her post was highly frightening, and if it's coming from the experience of her or a friend/family member, then... wow. That's horrible. Hopefully the guy did get what's coming to him.

[Swede]

I'm not saying everyone's right for drugs. I'm just sick of people blaming things on drugs though. Don't ask why drugs fucked things up. Ask why the person felt like they had to abuse drugs. It might not be the spouse's fault, it might be from something else like work or past experiences; hell, it probably ISN'T the spouse's fault. Still, though, it's not the drug's fault. It's the person's fault.

Again, I'm not saying its entirely the drug's fault. But again, in most situations where drug abuse happens there are usually some other outside forces that contribute to it. Saying its just the persons fault isn't looking into it enough. What I was saying is that people can get involved with drugs because of situations or circumstances that were maybe outside their control. Saying somebody who has a drug problem has only themselves to blame is a bit harsh. Two people could be identical in every way, but when they are raised in different environments or put into different situations they could turn out nothing alike. So one person is put into an environment where they become addicted to drugs, and the other person lives a perfectly productive life because they never had to deal with or weren't put in a situation with drugs.

I guess basically what I'm saying is social factors have more to do than just 'the person', and drugs can lead to problems that otherwise wouldn't exist.

[ZaichikArky]

One reason I never want to try drugs is because I have problems with various addictions, and if I ever tried even pot, I know I would be a crackhead within a month. No joking. Also, I'm against smoking pot, I think that it *is* a gateway drug and even though potheads tend to quote all this "research" that says smoking pot does nothing to you, unfortunately the real world doesn't work that way 0_o.

One more thing:

Uh, what happened to the pokeemon movie thread?

Suddenly now it's "drugs are bad for you" thread?

: (. I prefered the pokeemon thread ;_;

[h2orowe]

Ah, I know what you mean. That is true. However, overall, it does depend on the person to know better, y'know? If they weren't raised to know better, then I guess it wouldn't really be their fault.

Edit: Aimed at Swede, not ZA. I disagree with what ZA said, very much so.

[Roxie]

Ah well, my reasoning is that
a). It's illegal and I don't date prisoners
b). My cousin was involved in a druge deal gone bad and got accid thrown on him. It gave him bright pink spots on his very, very dark skin. That's an image that just doesn't go away.

[h2orowe]

My general advice is don't get involved with people doing hard drugs in the first place. If someone here dares to say that marijuana is a hard drug, I will personally punch them in the breast/testicle, depending on their gender.

[Roxie]

SEX, GEEZUS!

[ZaichikArky]

I'd never be in a relationship with anyone using any kind of drug. Do you know why? Because they'll get me to use it and I'll be a crackhead. Sorry if you don't like my logic.

Also, my bf is a little to extreme. Not only does he hate pot because "it smells like shit" among other reasons, he also hates *all* alcohol because "it tastes like triaminic" and it's traumatizing for him. I'm not joking. He's never drank or smoked anything in his entire life.

Yes, I only like good boys. >_>. I need a goodboy so he can keep my "I am a huge bitch" side in check so I don't go overboard IRL.

[h2orowe]

SEX, GEEZUS!
Nono, I mean, if someone identifies as a boy, even if they are female, I will punch them in their imaginary testes. I don't care. I'll hit 'em where it hurts. :cool:

[Swede]

Ah, I know what you mean. That is true. However, overall, it does depend on the person to know better, y'know? If they weren't raised to know better, then I guess it wouldn't really be their fault.

Edit: Aimed at Swede, not ZA. I disagree with what ZA said, very much so.


And I agree with both of you. Pokemon movie thread needs to come back.

[ZaichikArky]

^make it come back then, y0. I know I can certainly help. Okay, I will start.

I thought Jessie and James made the best couple ever in anime because you know what? They weren't a couple, they were best friends. Sure, they had a dysfunctional relationship, but it worked.

Hence why Jessie and James remains to this day *basically* the most popular ship in anime history.

I would argue.

Edit: oh waits. That's not even pokemon movie.

Hells ya. We're now getting into Pokeemon relationships.

Let's talk about my second favorite ship: Ash and Gary.

And my third favorite ship: Brock and Geodude.

[Swede]

*is surprised Onyx and Gyrados never got together*

[ZaichikArky]

^ dude no, you know that Onyx had a thing for Squirtle and at the time Gyrados was still sleeping around with BOTH bulbasaur and even pichu, the dick >_>. It just wasn't meant to be.

[Swede]

Sounds like pokemon of opposite types attract. Guess being "super-effective" carries past the battles, MIRITE?!?!

[h2orowe]

Can we please keep this pokemon-thing for a pokemon thread? I'd rather stick with seriousness in general discussion.

Although Swede's last post was hilarious.

[ZaichikArky]

Mawade's post just ruined it all....... yet again. I'm sorry, man >_>.

And anyway, I always thought that was true, yeah. Especially when Chikorita had a thing for Pikachu(and this was on the show, right?). But then she had a thing for Ash too, and that's when I kind of stopped watching the show because I learned about furries.

[h2orowe]

Did a Pokemon really have a thing for Ash? :eyepop:

[ZaichikArky]

Yeah, it was Chikorita. No joking.

[Black Dog]

You have to work at good sex. And you have to be trustworthy and do what you can to prevent hurt feelings. If one partner offers to do fellatio, it is good form to respond with with being a cunning linguist. That seems fair to me.

I love doing that and wanted to do the most, since I heard my sisters friends talk how they can get guys to do it to them at a drop of a hat.

My problem was, I was will to lick until my tongue my to sore to lick any more. It took an average of 30-40 plus using my fingers to make my ex cum. My primary goal was to make her cum and took a fair bit of practice to acheive that goal. I only stop going down when she asked me too. I love yam and love that yam juice ! Love to dine at the Y!

I tried to communicate as much as possible in English and Japanese. It payed off, but she didn't like doing Fellatio, which was a little disappointing, but she let try some things that I wanted too. Originally, she thought I was so surpose to do all the work and figure her body out on my own. Which I did to a certian extend.

I was virgin then, but I atleast of some experience now for my future girlfriend. "Practice makes perfect!"

[Black Dog]

What is "fellatio?"......googling "fellatio"......Woah nothing but porn results.....jackpot!....JK


the Japanese word for fellatio is フェラチオ and short form is フェラ, but I is ruder I think. The kanji is 口内性交. I think the kanji is more polite or technical term. Like saying oral sex, but I'm not sure about that.

Anyone know any useful words ? I only learnt a few, I was able to use English with my Ex. I used Japanese just for fun, but she liked it when I used to English. She laughed a few time when I tried using Japanese to talk dirty.

[ミュー]

This thread is fucking weird.

We've got teenage relationships, adult relationships, sexual relationships, Pokemon relationships, abusive relationships, and oh dear sweet Jesus here comes memoirs of eating out a Japanese girl. Man, and you foreigners think Japanese shit is strange.

My notes on the insanity:
Nice guys finish last; become an asshole or don't get any.
Pedophilia is not cool, and girls under 18 are fucking insane.
Guys that don't like being pussywhipped shouldn't date girls that whip them.
When a partner doesn't like a recreational substance the other doesn't, break up time.
Pokemon was awesome, then 2000 rolled around and everybody grew up.

[mawande]

Her post was highly frightening, and if it's coming from the experience of her or a friend/family member, then... wow. That's horrible. Hopefully the guy did get what's coming to him.

It is, unfortunately, a 100% true story coming from personal experience. Can't tell if he got what's coming to him, because last I heard he chased the newer girlfriend through the kitchen with a knife.

I don't think it was clear in my post that I don't blame the drugs for what he did. But he used them as an excuse for his behavior and when I was young, I believed him. I believed he would be a better person if only he got off the drugs. The drugs were his excuse. And without them, perhaps it would have been years before his true colors showed.

I do know that his mother's father loathed his father and would tell him "You are the son of the Devil." Unfortunately, I think he believed that in the more literal sense. He had a lot of problems and I just didn't understand.

[ZaichikArky]

This thread is fucking weird.

We've got teenage relationships, adult relationships, sexual relationships, Pokemon relationships, abusive relationships, and oh dear sweet Jesus here comes memoirs of eating out a Japanese girl. Man, and you foreigners think Japanese shit is strange.

My notes on the insanity:
Nice guys finish last; become an asshole or don't get any.
Pedophilia is not cool, and girls under 18 are fucking insane.
Guys that don't like being pussywhipped shouldn't date girls that whip them.
When a partner doesn't like a recreational substance the other doesn't, break up time.
Pokemon was awesome, then 2000 rolled around and everybody grew up.

Made me smile a little. I agree with everything except the "nice guys finish last" thing because a part of me dies every time a guy thinks that way about the world.

My opinion of the matter is this: There are 10 nice girls for one nice guy out there. I'd really like it if that weren't the case, but sadly it is, and asshole guys tend to get sex, but not a meaningful relationship. I'm not interested in sex, but it's not like I'd withhold it from my boyfriend. I just happen to have a boyfriend who is kindasorta asexual in that, he's really attracted to me yet won't push sex on me because he finds that "incriminating". To say he was raised to be a good person is pushing it. His mom raised both her sons to be decent, kind people, and that's a good kind of parenting...

[Roxie]

"nice guys" who wine and moan about being "nice" and yet not getting the girl, aren't truly "nice" at all. See my sig.

[Vic_Rattlehead]

'Nice guys' never get girls because the fact is that; they're completely bland and BORING! I know many people like this, they just have no fire in their heart that attracts anybody to spend time with them; man or woman infact.

It's not to say that I'm NOT a 'nice' guy. Infact, I treat females like women and always ensure something is going on, subconsiously. My friend's idea of a good time is to take a girl to see StarWars then finish off with a couple of double cheeseburgers at a McDonalds; then has the audacity to ask me why she never called back...

It can be the same for 'nice girls', tedium wares in and it suddenly becomes a chore to have to think of something to do whilst battling the daily expression "I love you","you are so special". Then what gets me is the ongoing "im ugly","you're too good" etc...ARRGH! I understand people need some motivation and reassurance from someone special, but everyday? No way!

Luckily, my girlfriend is really outgoing and insane. So we have a nice bond! She's Japanese and is 31 years old, so I suppose that another barrel for my bragging shotgun! :D

[mawande]

Luckily, my girlfriend is really outgoing and insane. So we have a nice bond! She's Japanese and is 31 years old, so I suppose that another barrel for my bragging shotgun! :D

*evil smirk* I have your picture, friend Vic! You looked great in that hat and definitely fun.

[Vic_Rattlehead]

Bingo!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v721/deth_head/1.jpg

:D

[ミュー]

Luckily, my girlfriend is really outgoing and insane. So we have a nice bond! She's Japanese and is 31 years old, so I suppose that another barrel for my bragging shotgun! :D
Wait, this is back in Engerland? noice..

also, being surprised with a big image of myself was creepy :P

[ZaichikArky]

vic, there were so many things completely wrong about that post.

Also, "nice guys are completly boring" is a lie perpetuated by the fucktards who treat women like shit. I'm surprised you believe it considering you try hard enough not to be a complete fucktard.

Also, my boyfriend has been accused of being "a normal guy" by my weeaboo friends during college. I said "Okay... and that makes you guys what now?" And they said something about Sasuke's pokeball of angst and gave it no further thought.

a "boring guy who has no fire in their heart" isn't interested in subjugating women and honestly wants a real relationship, then so be it.

By the way, me and my bf have a LOT of things in common, and those things we share make us bond. Of course, I'm always to point out what we *don't* have in common and that's where dramas start, but that's part of a normal relationship.

I'd like to see any of you self-proclaimed assholes try to land a relationship that's over a month, but then again, maybe that's "not what you want". Right.

At least men generally grow up by the time they're 35.

[Trump]

So retarded... it has nothing to do with "nice" or "asshole". Some people like "nice" and some people like "asshole". If I had to guess I would say the people who like "nice" don't go out to bars and clubs so they are just harder to find. So yeah, all the girls you try to pick up at a club are probably not looking for "nice".

It really has more to do with first impressions, common intrests, and differences than it does with "nice" and "asshole".

[nanashi]

I think people confuse someone who is nice to be someone who lets their girlfriend walk all over them. Thus the whole Nice Guy (notice the capitals).

'Nice Guys' are not attractive. But guys who are nice are.

[Urban~Ninja]

I think you have to find them medium between asshole and nice guy, for the most part at least. I mean some girls will like that nice guy attitude...very few though and some girls will like that arrogant top shit attitude.

Generally all the girls i see dating my friends are the ones who like the nice guy with a little asshole not too much. Then again im one of those new breed cool geeks, so all the girls i usually go for are geeky in their own ways...i have a thing for hot nerds =D.

I recently changed my whole attitude for the most part, because of how me and my current GF are on a break and really even though the time is for her to work on what she thinks she needs to work on, its also time for me reflect and say "well im a push over at times". It's not the fact im a doormat or i get pussy whipped, its more the fact I just like to see people happy so i let them make the choice, hard when my GF is indecisive as hell. Other things is just general self confidence, not that i think i suck more that i just never really ever say that i rule.

[SlickWilly440]

Luckily, my girlfriend is really outgoing and insane. So we have a nice bond! She's Japanese and is 31 years old, so I suppose that another barrel for my bragging shotgun! :D

And how old are you again?

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

fuck going on dates, I'm just gonna get high and rent pokemon...

[stsparky]

When I was a single man I was pretty honest about my desires. It seemed to have been the ticket for me. I treat women like people. If there was 'bouncy bouncy' to be had - we'd figure it out.

As to taking 'girls' to movies and hoping for sex afterwards when I was younger - I've had my luck there. But it was hard earned.

[Roxie]

again, sparky's got he right idea.

[h2orowe]

fuck going on dates, I'm just gonna get high and rent pokemon...
Let me join you.

[MNJetter]

Vic.......what you are describing isn't even a nice guy. Just a guy with no social skills. The folks here who think nice guys don't get any dates are seriously screwing up the definition of nice guy. Of course if you automatically associate "nice guy" with your own personal image of "guy who can't get laid," they're going to match. It's a self-fulfilling axiom.

My friend's idea of a good time is to take a girl to see StarWars then finish off with a couple of double cheeseburgers at a McDonalds;
Then again, maybe my perspective is a little skewed. And your friend hasn't found the right girl yet. I would personally rather do the Star Wars/McDonalds date than go to a fancy expensive restaurant.

[Vic_Rattlehead]

vic, there were so many things completely wrong about that post.

Also, "nice guys are completly boring" is a lie perpetuated by the fucktards who treat women like shit. I'm surprised you believe it considering you try hard enough not to be a complete fucktard.


But you have to first describe what you mean by 'nice boy' because it could be the case that we are refering to two different types of people (ie Nice people and 'nice people'.) Perhaps in your use, I could say I fit it like a tee. But my own interpretation of a 'nice boy' is one who will smother the 'other' day after day, obsess about love and the future, admit to mistakes in love tiffs even if its not their fault...pretty much have no backbone and will offer no source of mid-way communication/socialisation.

It gets to people. I should know, I was pretty much one of them..and before my long relationship, I would always ask to myself, and my friends, girl mates infact why I never get the prolonged attention of girls. Also, my second point is;;; it is quite evident that people get all lovey lovey after hitting a relationship. I understand that, but when it gets all too strong, the personality (or at least the usual topic of conversation) of the other person is far different from the one you fell in love with....

I mean, let me clarify by stating that there is no book on 'how to be the 'correct boy' for girls' because if such a book existed, you'd find me with my nose in it till the day the old man upstairs told me its time to go!

We all have our own faults and our own ideas of what is suitable...but I digress but understand that different people are into different things.

I dunno, how my opinions can get so strong. I suppose its generally due to the fact that I never really had a dad and lived with my mother till I was 17. I generally was nurtured up in a pretty much feminine environment(which I'm not ashamed to admit.) But I think this has taught me a bit about women and sometimes the general wants and needs for relationships. Or at least it has given me precautions on how to behave with the opposite sex when it comes to something beyond a conversation...

Of course, ladies of the forum...please dont think of me as some shallow patronising goof because I said something along the lines of trying to 'figure out women' as if you were contraptions or something. I'll never figure women out, I'm a boy. Women can't fully figure women out in its most consistent sence...at the end of the day...you are a different person with different peeves and pleasures from the person opposite your house or whatever...so my conclusion could be that different people like different things (or people), but I know that some sort of backbone is needed for relationships.

Gahh, I'm sorry. I've just got back from a concert, in a funny mood and I have been drinking. I mean what I say, but maybe grammar, expression etc may make me seem like a tool. Sorry folks. I'll fix it tomorrow!

James


I'd like to see any of you self-proclaimed assholes try to land a relationship that's over a month, but then again, maybe that's "not what you want". Right.

The thing is; my longest relationship lasted in excess of 2 years and I'm still only 21. My current relatonship has been going on for about 2 months.

@ミュー
Yeah, she's living in England at the moment. PhD student! :)

[ZaichikArky]

Actually, I like that post. Thanks for the clarification. I agree with most of it, and I can understand where I misinterpreted your post. And for the record, I am a dominant personality so the guy who is with me kind of has to be a chill guy who can tolerate my dominance... and I don:t mean that I take advantage of my bf, I was raised better than to take advantage of people, I just prefer my man to have a backbone and to disagree with me, but not to try to dominate me, because that kind of relationship will never work with me. I am just way too self-confident, strong, and not girly. It really takes a lot for men to see my feminine side, and it:s very clear in person, not on the internets where I try to hide it as much as possible.

Anyway, I don:t think that a guy should have no backbone. that:s just not healthy! And guys honestly should be more practical and leave the romantic feelings of love and romance mainly for the girl, cause I:ve discovered taht the kinds of guys I like are romantic and even a little sensitive, they just need me to help them express it．So I like guys to love me, but not to smother me or try to dominate over my already dominant personality.

and sorry for the grammar, using a Japanese keyboard right now.

[MNJetter]

That's the one thing I hate about Japanese keyboards - that in order to get an apostrophe, you have to hit alt+7, and there's a colon where the apostrophe should be. So annoying.

I do like the fact that you don't need to hit the shift key for :, @, or ^, though.

[h2orowe]

It is, unfortunately, a 100% true story coming from personal experience. Can't tell if he got what's coming to him, because last I heard he chased the newer girlfriend through the kitchen with a knife.

I don't think it was clear in my post that I don't blame the drugs for what he did. But he used them as an excuse for his behavior and when I was young, I believed him. I believed he would be a better person if only he got off the drugs. The drugs were his excuse. And without them, perhaps it would have been years before his true colors showed.

I do know that his mother's father loathed his father and would tell him "You are the son of the Devil." Unfortunately, I think he believed that in the more literal sense. He had a lot of problems and I just didn't understand.
I'm sorry to hear that. That was a rather tragic story. I'm hoping things are good for you in life now, though?

[Urban~Ninja]

This just sprang to mind, i prefer that whenever i do have a GF that she isn't a friend before hand, i know this could be different from person to person, i mean sure you have to build up a friendship initially before you can ask them out. I mean more that not a friend you have had for a extended period of time, purely because it does make it easy when the break up comes and i dunno why else, just preference i guess.

The only upside of a friend to GF for me would that i know what they like and what they are like once it gets to a serious point...hmmmm i need to re-think it all maybe lol.

[MNJetter]

I've had both boyfriends who were friends beforehand, and boyfriends who had asked me out on the day we met. Honestly, I haven't seen a whole lot of difference between the two situations. I even still get along with all of them. Except for one. But that's because he started dating a friend of mine after we broke up (which I was fine with) and treated her horribly (which I was not fine with). But I don't think that the amount of time we spent as friends before dating had anything to do with it.

[Urban~Ninja]

I find it generally awkward when a friends date Ex's of other friends after a short period of time, specially when the ex and the former BF or GF haven't had time to reconcile because my group of friends do all social things as a group so its hard to avoid thing like that. Luckily we all know groups of girls from different place so it hasn't happened in awhile.(All boys High School so we know different groups of girls from all girls High Schools.)

There is one particular guy in our group who is notorious with hitting on ex's and current GF's of guys within the group, we don't hate on him because of it because well he is socially inept and we know how hard it is for him to meet girls on his own so we do what we can to introduce him to groups of girls with similar interests of his.

[stsparky]

I never was friends before the start of a relationship. After some, yes. And I've many good friends I know I can trust. But going from friend to sex never worked for me.

[Trump]

If you have trouble talking about it, then yes, being friends first means you probably won't ever be more than that. If you both have no trouble talking about it, it can work just fine.

Dating the ex of a friend after they broke up is a big no-no. It makes things very awkward with the friend. When the relationship is one to laugh about and say "wow, I'm glad that's over" or "wow, can you believe I did some of those things?" then it is ok.

[Roxie]

going from friend to sex never worked for me.
Works for me, every time :yes:

[japanat]

Be my friend?

[Pierrot le Fou]

Be my friend?


EDIT BY POOKA - Uncalled for Personal Comment.

[Black Dog]

Maguro onna (dead fish) are the worst ! I never thought I could become bored while fucking ! That thought never occured to me, until it happened. maguro was ok at first but it got tiresome. I even started watching the Simpsons one time, she told me to turn the tv off, after I laughed at a joke. :gloomy:

[Urban~Ninja]

Well my and my 'gf' (I'm using the term more lightly now because it seems im fighting a loosing battle to stay in the relationship) basically went on now a week without talking thing, because well i told her that im sick of pretending like we arnt on a break and so she suggested one week, i told her ok, no song and dance like i usually do, i handled it maturely i just said it along the lines of, "Well im not gonna rave and rant, you know how much i love you, i shouldn't have to explain it, and all i want is you to be happy so you do what makes you happy even if it doesn't involve me, because frankly it seems it wont and i will learn to accept that." and then silence, well a week until we see the results but whatever.

Im over this drama and just want life to settle the fk down.

[japanat]

You are nowhere near over this drama.... ...but you are learning.

[Urban~Ninja]

Progress is better then nothing, thats what counts.

[ZaichikArky]

^ agreed. You're a good boy, UN. I don't like to see you get hurt so you gotta try to get over mean girls and move on with things! Don't dwell, just move on! I'm lucky in a lot of things because when I was young, my mom was mean to me so I kind of developed a way to cope with bad things when I got older: just move on! Plenty of good things will happen later. Dwelling in negative thoughts will just make you depressed. Depressed is not good, especially at your age. I would know, I suffered from really bad depression!

[PopCulturePooka]

http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/4407/somethingpositiveniceguys0lj.jpg

[Urban~Ninja]

^ agreed. You're a good boy, UN. I don't like to see you get hurt so you gotta try to get over mean girls and move on with things! Don't dwell, just move on! I'm lucky in a lot of things because when I was young, my mom was mean to me so I kind of developed a way to cope with bad things when I got older: just move on! Plenty of good things will happen later. Dwelling in negative thoughts will just make you depressed. Depressed is not good, especially at your age. I would know, I suffered from really bad depression!

Thanks man, my basic plan right now is to just deal with my Exams as priority, since well my exams are way more important then this drama, mostly because this is worth 10% of my end of year grade for Grade 12 and i need a good result to get into Design at University.

University sounds like it will be alot less Dramatic then High School because i will fine people who are more common with me and more accepting and i can make multiple groups of friends, plus the added freedoms. 18 in less then 3 months woot woot.

Going to a friends party tonight, well earned place to let off some steam.

[Swede]

I'm in a bit of a conundrum.

A while (few weeks maybe) back, I was, for lack of a better word, cornered by one of my students (a year older than me incidentally) in my Japanese class. She's pretty awkward, and is almost the opposite of what I would consider my "type", although to be honest my type is not too well defined. Basically, I can just tell from limited conversations that our interests aren't anywhere in the same direction (she wouldn't stop talking about Larry the Cable Guy and Bill Engvall concerts she went to). Also, not to be shallow, but there is no physical attraction there for me in the slightest, so again, not happening.

Anyways, she pulled the old "you wanna hang out sometime?" line on me, so I in turn tried to pull the "give me your number" and I'll never call you line.

Yeah, I'm an asshole, but let's try to move past that.

In the end, the opposite ended up happening, with me trying to be indirect and her being maddeningly direct (can you hang you tomorrow? no? how about the day after that? when are you free during the week? how bout next weekend? etc. etc.).

So, I ended up giving her my phone number, mainly because I'm an idiot. I had no intentions of ever getting together with this girl, but I didn't want to come across as straight up asshole as I am going to have to see her in class basically every week anyways, and I've shared my number with other teachers/ students just for the purpose of keeping people notified if something comes up. Another reason was probably that, well, I suppose I am not used to this type of situation in general.

So, I figured I will still take the asshole route and just not answer any unknown phone numbers. Aside from one avoided phone call and a text telling me she wouldn't be in class one day, I thought maybe she had gotten the message that I just wasn't interested in her.

I was wrong.

I get a voicemail from her earlier this week asking if we have class this week because of Thanksgiving weekend. Fair question, but I thought this one out a bit. I didn't mention it earlier, but when she cornered me before, she said she wanted to talk about class. She first started the conversation with "I just wanted to let you know I couldn't get all my homework done this week...", followed by the previously mentioned "you want to hang out sometime" situation.

So, I waited a day, and then decided to just give the most direct answer I could to avoid this going into awkward land again. I send a 3 word text message, "No school Saturday." I am getting a call back maybe 10 seconds after I sent it.

"Thanks for telling me about class, but there's still something else I needed to talk to you about." my voicemail tells me. At first I thought maybe I was looking to far into this, but its only gotten worse since. Five minutes later, text asking if I want to "hang out, maybe see a movie or something" since we don't have class Saturday.

Thanksgiving come, I receive a text saying "I feel down. when you get a chance please call me"

And this is where I enter "wtf?" mode. I have no fucking clue what I've done to make her think there is anything more than "I'm your teacher". I'm not your bff, your bf, your therapist, your shoulder to cry on, or anything outside of just being your teacher. Later, a really awkward voicemail along the lines of "hey, I'd really appreciate it if you'd give me a call so...yeah, please call me." I don't think I can truly put into text how awkward/ scary this shit sounded.

I was really hoping the whole thing would just blow over, but it doesn't seem this is going to happen. My friend was pretty baffled when I told him about this too, as I suppose it's not too common of a situation. He said I should just say I'm already involved with somebody else, though since I am not actually in a relationship, I think it could just lead to more awkward questions, and I would like to avoid blatantly lying if I could.

Thoughts? I know I am being an asshole here, but I didn't ask for this. Suggestions appreciated.



And on a more fun note, I am going to make an attempt at a relationship in the coming weeks. In my Japanese class I am in (not the one I teach), a new girl just joined last week. Up until now it has basically been me and a few nerdy/otaku-ish kids. I don't have anything against them, they're good people and fun to talk to etc., but nothing I was interested in past being friends.

This new girl though, just completely caught me off guard. I think she's absolutely gorgeous, we have similar interests (at least to an extent; she's also planning to major in Japanese, not real common in the area I live in), and it seems like she comes from an interesting background (Half Japanese, lived in Japan for a long time as a kid so her ability to speak Japanese is at least as good, I would guess better than mine from what I've heard).

I'd really like to get to know her better, but I am still trying to figure out how to go about it, as I'm *really* new to this type of thing. I know all the 'just be confident' stuff, but as of now I basically just know her name. I don't know if she is in a relationship or anything either, so I think I may want to figure some of those things out before I make a move. The thought has also crossed my mind that I may be shooting 'out of my league', but I don't think it's that important.

So again, any thoughts, suggestions, etc. on this situation, I'd like to hear.



Sorry for defiling Pokemon Movie thread with all this relationship nonsense, but thanks for reading it anyways :)

[Urban~Ninja]

You could have always told your students that you are seeing someone currently or that you don't really want to be in a relationship, sounds shallow but its a very easy way to get out of the problem without actually having to go on a date.

As for the new girl just get to know her first and make sure you guys click, and then ask her out, thats my advice, im never good with asking girls out, I always kinda just get asked out or just notice they like me so its less awkward if they say no.

[Mastiker]

I'm sorry but this isn't going to just blow over. You don't have to be an asshole to the student, just tell her "I'm not interested in going past the student/teacher relationship we have. I'm sorry if you thought that there was something else and I'm truly sorry if you think I led you on, but this has to end, for your sake and for mine."

That way, you tell the girl in a mostly polite, completely direct, and absolutely truthful manner that you're not interested. Hopefully she doesn't freak out - but if she does... don't freak out yourself. That's dangerous.

As for the new girl... just ask her if she'd be interested in getting a cup of coffee after class. Its a fairly non-threatening environment with plenty of people around, and hopefully you guys can start a conversation. This way you can find out if she is single, taken, or if she's even looking. Remember; single does not always mean that they're available.

Don't think she'll say yes right away either. Listen to whatever she says to you. If she gives no explanation why, don't bother asking again. She's probably not interested =/

Also, don't think that going to coffee with you means instant relationship. She might want to be friends, so you're going to have to let her know that you're interested in dating her... without being creepy.

...I think I might have given too much advice D:

[Urban~Ninja]

Well i just sent my now ex-GF an email saying that we cant be together now, and that i will still be here for her any moment as the person to take care of her but just not as her BF and that maybe in a few years we can do something again if our lives are calm, and that she is still the greatest friend i have and i hope im still hers.

I think it was for the best after all you guys have seen and heard me say about her and yeah she just is worth it all but not right now when life is so hectic and its just to much for me to handle.

I hope she doesn't hate me...forever.

[Digital Masta]

Remember back in the day when breaking up over the phone or leaving a message was the absolute worst way to break up with someone?

It's now 2nd to emails, IM or txt messages.

[SlickWilly440]

^
I don't understand way other methods besides face to face breaks are deemed as an immoral/improper way of breaking up? The fact that these alternative methods exist makes it easy for the announcing party tobreak up, in thus saving the man from an emotional confrontation with the woman.

[Roxie]

I know I am being an asshole here, but I didn't ask for this. Just b/c you didn't ask for it doesn't give you an excuse to be an asshole you asshole!

Pull the teacher code of ethics card.

[SlickWilly440]

^
I'm confused what does Swede do that makes that students one year older than him? Isn't it usually the other way around, and separated by 20 years of age?

[Urban~Ninja]

Remember back in the day when breaking up over the phone or leaving a message was the absolute worst way to break up with someone?

It's now 2nd to emails, IM or txt messages.

Well it was that or leave her hanging over like a 3 weeks period until i see her next time, so i thought this meant she could atleast be a little better by the time i have to see her no matter what in 2months.

[Swede]

Hehe, I'm 18. There is a Japanese Saturday school in my area at the college I go to. Originally they were there just so Japanese kids living temporarily in the U.S. could keep up with the standards of the Japanese education system back home. But the one here has expanded to offer classes for people either completely new to Japanese, or those who have studied it a little in the past.

The campus I go to doesn't offer any Japanese courses, so to keep up for now until I go to a bigger university next year, I go to the Japanese Saturday School in the mornings. In the afternoon, I meet with a guy for about an hour to get help studying for the JLPT, and after that I go teach a small class of beginners.

The morning class is more intermediate level, and the afternoon class was for newbies. There was a handful of people who joined during the second semester, so I'm teaching them in a separate class until they get caught up with the others/ I go away for college.

[SlickWilly440]

^
Oh yeah, I totally forgot that you mentioned this in another thread many weeks ago. Sorry.

[Newt]

Edit: Deleted story for my safety. :)

[Random]

tl;dr
do it pussy

[Digital Masta]

I got a friend who's 24 and never been laid.

[Swede]

This is why I need to get moving. I feel bad about being 18 and not having a girlfriend, though I feel like I'm taking strides towards not being a hermit.

[Shuft]

dame dilemma
Short answer: put your penis in her.

Long answer: She is probably still in to you. Get a little liquid courage in you. Wait until your brother and his GF are playing tongue tag. Then "make a move."

[Mastiker]

@Newt: Don't be so down on yourself. She asked for a hug because she wanted one from you, and was disappointed that all you wanted was a handshake. Don't worry, that's not a bad thing.

Ask her out again, but this time make it a real date. You need some more alone time with her, and I'm sure she has no clue where you guys stand. Make it known you like her. :3

[Duke Luke of Juke]

Ask her out again, but this time make it a real date. You need some more alone time with her, and I'm sure she has no clue where you guys stand. Make it known you like her. :3
^Agreed.

I'd also add that this time, have some ideas as to what you guys can do before you go on the date. I've heard a lot of girls complain about guys that do the whole--"So what dya want to do now?" And then as soon as you're done with that, "Hmm, anything else you wanna do?"--thing. Don't be so indecisive. =P

[Mastiker]

^Agreed.

I'd also add that this time, have some ideas as to what you guys can do before you go on the date. I've heard a lot of girls complain about guys that do the whole--"So what dya want to do now?" And then as soon as you're done with that, "Hmm, anything else you wanna do?"--thing. Don't be so indecisive. =P

Oh yeah, I forgot that! Spontaneous = SEXY.

Also, don't be afraid of your ideas getting shot down. Don't decide for her that its too late to see a movie - ask her. She'll know if she can handle seeing a movie. If she can't, suggest something else. "Let's go get coffee and chill in the park." or "I know a great place we can watch the stars from, if you don't mind the cold." or whatever you can think of. Don't worry about going to traditional places like "the movies" or "a picnic" or something. A date can be as simple as getting coffee, or even just watching a movie in your living room curled up on the couch. Whatever you do, make sure you're both comfortable doing it.

edit: Having things to do and being able to suggest them shows you have confidence. As well as being spontaneous, confidence = sexy.

[h2orowe]

-snip-
I've been in a very similar sichyeashun. I still haven't had a girlfriend, but I've been on a date with a girl, and I had something CLOSE to a girlfriend in the Summer/got my first kiss/was told I'm an amazing kisser ;D

Anyway, the biggest thing about getting girls, man, is not BE CONFIDENT or BE COCKY because, while that's true for the most part, it's not exactly the right way to phrase it. What you have to do is just be comfortable. If you're uncomfortable with yourself, how can someone else be comfortable with you? If you're uncomfortable with yourself, then find out why, and fix it if you can. If you can't fix it, fuck it, man, no one's perfect. Hell, I'm a pretty big guy, and I don't mean height (or penis size.) but I don't care anymore. I found that if you point out "I'm fat" to people, they're more likely to make fun of you for it, whereas if you don't say anything about it and don't act like you care, then they RARELY ever bring up your weight. Same applies to other things, man.

Also, dude, just... who cares, honestly. I don't mean like "IT DOESN'T MATTER", I just mean that this isn't your only shot at a girlfriend. Just remember that. It's better to mess up but still keep your cool than to get it right but be unsure of it. You're 23 and still a virgin/girlfriendless? So? Does that mean you're any less of a human being than me or Mastiker or Luke or anyone else?

You play bass, eh? (I play guitar, sing, and a bit of bass.) Utilize that, man! She obviously digs that, if that's when she first noticed you. Maybe the next time you and some friends jam, invite her over to watch you guys play for a bit, then take her to a park. It doesn't matter if your town has nothing to do, dude, you can make shit up. My town is mostly Vietnamese restaurants and Korean Barbeques, so what did I do when I wanted to hang out with a girl? I took her to the park with my guitar, we sat near the lake and watched ducks and I sang for her. Hell, you don't need to do the whole singing thing because you don't know her THAT well, don't have to give her any gifts or things like that yet. Just take her to the park, connect with her. Get to know her as a person, not as some scary girl that intimidates you. Just because she has breasts and a vagina doesn't mean she doesn't, too, have thoughts, dreams, opinions, and such on things. I know you already knew that, but if you DID truly know that, then you would've come up with something instead of taking her home.

ANOTHER THING! For the longest time, I was scared of kissing a girl. When I kissed the girl, I asked her for it, and when I DID kiss her, I didn't know wtf to do, so it ended up just being pecks on the lips. I seriously thought that was real kissing. I was all excited and shit. Found out it wasn't, so the next time we were in the right setting, I didn't ask for it or anything, we were just cuddling, and BAM I went for it and initiated the first make out session of my life. I ended up acing it because she was all :eyepop: :innocent: afterwards. You just gotta realize that life is all about taking risks, man. Don't move in too soon, but move in because if you don't, then you're going to miss your chance.

SO, the moral of the story is: wake up tomorrow, look in the mirror, and stare at yourself. Don't think of yourself negatively at all, instead, shout at the mirror "I'm Newt, and I'm the baddest mother fucker there is." because God damn it, dude, you're always someone else's fetish.

[Kyletherealninja]

H20rowe is right. Self image is extremely important, and even if you are bad looking (although I doubt it's half as bad as you make it sound), it's crucial to delude yourself into thinking you're attractive if you want dating success.

I had a horrible self image in high school, but through lots of work (and figuring out how to make my hair look cool) I finally managed to over it, and now I think I'm pretty dang good looking. Of course, I am, so no self-trickery here.

Interesting development: Last Saturday when I arrived at work, I saw a Cute Asian Girl (tm) talking to this Haitian lady who's been working at my store for eons and is totally awesome. So I go over and talk to my coworker for a minute so I can see what's up. As she later tells me, after I left this girl turned and looked my way, and my coworker (henceforth known as Mrs. Awesome for brevity) asks the girl "Oh, you like him, don't you?", to which the girl giggles and acts all shifty or something.

Anyway, as she tells me, this girl works at her mom's beauty salon place, which is in the same shopping center as my grocery store. According to Mrs. Awesome, this girl comes into the store sometimes three or four times a day to buy stuff when they run out of it at the salon, and once I thought about it, I realized that I'd seen this girl in the store before. Something that's plagued me about my job is I'll periodically meet really attractive girls who are ALSO extremely nice (much nicer than my actual girl friends), and I find myself wishing I could meet these kinds of people at school or something so I would have a chance at getting to know them. But, it's one conversation at the checkout line before I never see them again. This case is clearly different because I'm likely to see this girl, especially in December after school is finished. I just wish there was some way to get to know her without making myself look like a total idiot. If I was really feeling insane I could just go over to the beauty salon to buy a new hair straighter or something and talk to her. "Hey, I see you at my job all the time!"

Any advice is appreciated. I'm tired of being single.

[Roxie]

^
I'm confused what does Swede do that makes that students one year older than him? Isn't it usually the other way around, and separated by 20 years of age?
It doesn't matter. Just tell them you think it's unethical.

[h2orowe]

Kyle, I was about to tell you on AIM but you signed off right when I read this. Go up to her next time at her work place, introduce yourself, and just ask her to get coffee sometime. DO IT.

[Newt]

I really appreciate the time you guys took to read my overly long post, and I greatly appreciate the insight and advice you guys have given me. And what was said about taking risks; you are right, I have to stop being afraid of who I am and take a chance; it's either I have a 100% chance of not getting what I want/need by not trying, or have a 50% (hopefully) chance of trying to get what I want/need.

Right now after reading all of the replies, I am feeling pretty good about myself and what I should try to do next. Hopefully I keep this sort of mindset, but only time will tell.

Thanks again guys, I really do appreciate the help.

[h2orowe]

If you want to message me on AIM or MSN, I can help you. Like I said, I've been in a similar sicheeashun.

[mawande]

Hi, Newt!

Boy, she's sure patient. First in your description it seemed that TO HER you projected a "Really, why am I wasting my time? I could be doing something more fun that ferrying some guy's kid sister around." But you may not have projected that in reality.

So, a first relationship. And you're making too big a thing of your age. Heck, if I could go back in time to my high school years again, I'd probably be a virgin for life. Be nice, enjoy her company, try to be enjoyable company for her but don't hide it from her if you're feeling down. Remember to watch out/listen for when she's feeling down. People need each other. Two-way street, yaddayadda.

[Mastiker]

If you want to message me on AIM or MSN, I can help you. Like I said, I've been in a similar sicheeashun.

What he said. I'm open to helping people out with stuff, 'specially stuff I've been through, so message me on AIM. :3

[stsparky]

PM most of us. We're in your corner if you're game.

[Radiance]

I'll contribute a little something also. :D Even if you're scared of getting rejected, go ahead and follow through with it. Rejection is a part of life and frankly you are going to have to learn to deal with it. Have fun looking for that first job out of university cause unless you've had a lot of co-op work at your university, I had friends that couldn't find a job for over a year... but by that same token, I also have friends that were offered senior programmer jobs before they got out of school.

Anyhow, rejection, get used to it. Your average guy gets rejected a decent amount. I guarantee you won't remember those girls. However, you will indeed remember all the laughs and fun, even some of the tears from the ones that don't reject you.

[japanat]

Hey guys, I'm in a little bit of a struggle in "trying" to get into a relationship...

...Next week, her, me, my bro and his g/f are all going to a concert; conveniently on my birthday. I just don't know what to do around her, because I don't know if she still likes me after that night we went out together... ...I don't want their family hating me for some reason which my hurt my brother's relationship with their family, possibly...

So yeah, I don't know what to do. I'd like to actually date her, but I don't know what to do given my situation...... =\1) She's going to a concert with you, your brother and his gf. And you don't know if she still likes you. I say again: She's going to a concert with you, your brother and his gf. She still likes you.

Don't worry about your looks, they don't matter. She's already gone out with you several times, and is going to a concert with you, your brother and his gf. She obviously doesn't find you unattractive. Just take care of yourself, dress cleanly and in whatever is your style, shower and brush your teeth.

This girl sounds like a real doll to me; you are potentially a very lucky young man. Don't throw it away, don't push too hard - just go along and see what happens

[knivesc]

~

@Swede/stalker: When she confronts you at work and asks to go out etc why not just say something like "Yeah I would love to but my girlfriend is supAAA-paranoid about stuff like that, she heard you call me the other day and she got pretty angry about it. Maybe in the future we could do something when my girlfriend actually learns to trust me" Something around those lines aka don't sound like a dick, she thinks your taken and your not to blame. Could work? worth a shot thats what I'd do.

Seriously she sounds scary. Hope you survive.

[Swede]

That would be another benefit from me actually getting together with the other girl I'm actually interested in... I would have a legitimate excuse to avoid the crazy one. I'd like to avoid lying if I could just because I have a lot of connections at the JSS and I don't want to mess anything up.

[Roxie]

I don't think she's crazy Swede. It's not like you told her "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in you"

:p

[Swede]

I know, I don't like being that direct... But I've done a lot of more indirect ways to say "not interested". Three word response to question, hell, when she was asking if I wanted to hang out I said "I dunno, I'm usually really busy so I don't know if I'll have time" but she just wouldn't lay off. That and trying to talk to ME like I'm some sort of close friend or something when I really haven't ever had a conversation of any depth with her... Like I said, hard to put into words how creepy her voicemails sound.

But thanks for all the advice so far. I think I'm going to try to just strike up some casual conversation, get to know the girl I'm interested in a bit more before I try to dive into anything. As was said, don't want to come off as creepy... Though past that I'm not too sure where to go :box:

still grateful for any advice though

[Roxie]

I know, I don't like being that direct... But I've done a lot of more indirect ways to say "not interested". Three word response to question, hell, when she was asking if I wanted to hang out I said "I dunno, I'm usually really busy so I don't know if I'll have time" but she just wouldn't lay off. That and trying to talk to ME like I'm some sort of close friend or something when I really haven't ever had a conversation of any depth with her... Like I said, hard to put into words how creepy her voicemails sound.

Well, for some people, that's not enough. They don't get your hints. Which is why you should be direct. It'll save you a lot of time and them a lot of needless effort! Now she probably feels like they're something wrong with her. Just be honest!

I'm sorry, but this kind of behavior bugs the crap out of me.

[Swede]

*sigh* alright. I was going the indirect route because I DIDN'T want to just straight up say "Sorry, I don't want to hang out with you because you don't interest me in the slightest". But I see what you're saying. As I said, this isn't a situation I'm too familiar with, so I tried to take the path of least resistance.

[stsparky]

*sigh* alright. I was going the indirect route because I DIDN'T want to just straight up say "Sorry, I don't want to hang out with you because you don't interest me in the slightest". But I see what you're saying. As I said, this isn't a situation I'm too familiar with, so I tried to take the path of least resistance.

Look, be open and honest. It's best. You can say:
"I am not interested in you that way"
Which allows the other to go about their future.

[Urban~Ninja]

Well i threw my first every party at my house with 34 of my friends and alot of booze but before and after i still feel and felt shit about me and my ex, i guess its just 17 months for which the majority were good, but alas it in my mind still was for the best. Really though, is it supposed to sting and hurt and give you those stomach aches this much?

Life goes on, she is being pretty resentful about it and well i wanted us to be friends again in the future but with how she is acting already i guess not, blargh.

Hate things like this.