For those of you who keep striking out in the dating game, or pehaps ready to try something else, there is the thrilling challenge of multiple-dating. Which is, of course, dating more than one girl at a time. You don't have to be a playa with bling bling to do this - all it takes is a little knowledge of the system, and some junior grade smoothness. Like the smoothness that probably gets left in the washer after James Bond does his laundry. All you need.

Why should I multi-date?

I think the biggest reason for multi-dating is perspective. When you are chasing after one girl, your judgement tends to become a bit clouded. You don't see things clearly. But, when there's more than one, it's much easier to stay objective. You can see the girls for who they really are, instead of idealizing them and ignoring faults. Not only that, but you can better gain an accurate picture of if she is really interested in you or not.

Also, you increase your odds for success. Dating one girl is an all-or-nothing situation. Dating many girls increases your chances of one of them working out. If you were a supervisor, and you had job openings, you wouldn't just interview one person, would you? No! You'd want a nice, large applicant pool, so you could pick the best. Same difference here.

Addditionally, it spares your feelings. When you're going after just one girl, you may tend to invest too much into her before things work out. Your hopes and feelings become attached to her, and if she hits you with the "let's just be friends", it can be very disappointing if not devastating. If you're multi-dating, you shouldn't be too attached to any one of them. If things with one of them do start to look grim, you have the others to fall back on.

Not to mention it keeps you nice and busy. And having a solid social-life is important if you want to be successful with your dating. You don't want to send the signal to her that she will be your only social life. You'd come across as too dependent. However, if planning a date is hard with you - certain days don't work because you're doing stuff, not only does it give you that air of mystery, but it shows her that you've got other things going on.

And hey, how cool is dating a lot of girls at once? That's one benefit that speaks for itself. ^_~

Are there any drawbacks to multi-dating?

Well, of course there are. The most notable one being money. You're going to be spending money no matter what - unless you find a way to have all of your dates consistently pay for you, and if you can actually do that, call me, because I would very much like to meet you. Anyway, my point is that dating is expensive. Even just one girl. Add more, and the cost goes way up. Even assuming you go on two dates a week, and keep your spending to $20 a date (which is a VERY conservative estimate let me tell you), that adds up to $160 a month. So, unless you have, and are willing to spend the funds, or you are the Master of the Cheap yet Effective Date, this may be a concern.

Plus, there's always the chance that this all blows up in your face and you get a nasty reputation, and/or someone's feelings gets really hurt. But more on those later.

I'm a nice guy and I don't really want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't think this is right for me...

It may not be. But remember the old addage - nice guys finish last. And no matter what your parents, or girls themselves will try to tell you, it is absolutely, 100% true. You're not stringing these girls along. The girls you're multi-dating will all have a decent shot at becoming your girlfriend. If you're concerned about feelings, you can stop the game before someone gets too involved - more on that to come. Hey, love is war. Do what you must. And why should you have to put up with the hurt feelings, the disappointment, time after time?

When should I multi-date?

Obviously, when you're single. But also, before you even consider a relationship, make sure you are all together on your end. Namely, you are a strong, self-confident person who doesn't even need or particularly want a girlfriend. You shouldn't be going into this looking for a serious relationship, and ready to commit all your feelings to some girl. Take it from the attitude that you're basically looking to have some fun. If you have the right attitude, you may find multiple women coming on to you anyway.

Ok, I think I'd like to give multi-dating a try. What do I do?

The first step is to obtain a number of girls whom you intend to date. I would say no less than three. Five is a good number, even for starting off, and if you can manage five then by all means. As I mentioned before, if you have the right attitude, you may find that there are a number of women interested in you anyway. If not, then seek out girls who are single and willing to date. Then put things into motion.

Do I have to be romantically interested in all the girls I choose?

Yes and no. Ideally, you should be able to have a fun, moderately successful relationship with all of the girls in your clan (heretofore, I will use clan to refer to the girls you intend to multi-date). Do you have to be initially attracted to them? No. You don't even need all of them to be 100% compatible with you. Multi-dating allows for drop-off. 100% compability is ideal of course, but initially, all you need is their willingness to go out on a date with you. Once you are on the dates, you can access her personality and if you would actually consider entering into a relationship with her. If no, you can drop her from the clan.

Ok, I have my clan and I'm going out on dates with them. Now what?

Treat all the dates individually, at first. Don't judge one girl in the context of another. Just see how compatible you and she are. The next step in multi-dating is drop-off. Some girls you will find should not be in the clan. Maybe she has too many issues. Maybe there's too many faults about her that'd drive you up a wall. Maybe she just wants to be friends. If you find that, on an individual basis, the outlook for a possible romantic prospect is bleak, drop her from the clan. Doesn't mean you have to stop talking to her, or even seeing her, but it does mean she's no longer in consideration. So you can stop treating your meetings like dates, and come at it from the friendship angle.

What if I get the vibe from a girl that she just wants to be friends, I drop her from the clan, and then I start getting the feeling she wants something more?

You can put her back into the clan. However, be careful. If, while you were dating her she didn't seem to be interested in you, yet after you weren't she does, this may not be coincidence. Examine your attitudes and behaviors towards her, inside and outside of the dating context. There may have been something about your dating persona that turned her off....but in the friend context she found something she really liked. If you choose to re-add her to the clan, make sure you don't revert your attitude back to the one she didn't like.

Also, be careful with this...her attitude change might just be her relaxing around you now that she knows you're not interested in her anymore. It may not necessarily mean she's interested in you. Keep your eyes open for the other traditional signs of interest.

I've eliminated all the losers out of my clan. Now what?

From here, as you continue to date them, you'll probably find that you can rank them in order of preference. A lot of guys here would then choose to concentrate on Girl #1. And they would be wrong. It's nice that you have them ranked, but continue as you have been. Don't change your gameplan, and don't start giving deference/special treatment to the girls according to their rank.

Now, it'll be time to start making moves. You've been going out with the clan, all is good...but none of these girls are a girlfriend yet. Time to change that. From here, try to take things to the next level...seeing each other more often, in a more private/personal context (for example, renting movies and watching them at home instead of going to the theater), and if you're really good, you can get in some physical affection.

To do this, you'll need to access how far along you are with each of the girls individually, ignoring rank. For example, if your dates with Girl #1 end with her smiling and waving goodbye, while your dates with Girl #3 end with you talking at her doorstep for half and hour and her giving you a long hug goodbye, recognize that you are farther along with Girl #3 than you are with Girl #1. You should make a move with #3, not #1. Don't make a move unless the time is right. There's nothing worse than a forced move.

Suppose I make a successful move with a lower ranked girl. What about Girl #1? Should I give up?

Multi-dating ends technically when one of the girls becomes your girlfriend. If the first girl to emerge is one of the lower ranked girls, hopefully she's still someone who you can have a happy relationship with. You can end the game, and walk away with a girlfriend you'll enjoy. However, if you still want to get your Girl #1, you can. This is, of course, very risky, and there is a chance that someone will get hurt, you will get burned, or both.

Realize that if you are in this position, this is very much do or die. The more time you let elapse, the worse it will be. You will have to work on a very accelerated schedule with Girl #1. Even if you two are only lightly brushing each other on the arm when you go out, you should graduate to a kiss in no more than two weeks. Don't become over-zealous of course and force anything, but time is no longer a luxury. You need to know where you stand with her, pronto.

Things happened with my lower ranked girl first, but then I made a successful move with my higher ranked girl. Now what do I do?

You will need to end things immediately with the lower ranked girl. And here is where the game gets messy, because feelings will be hurt. How you do this is up to you. I recommend honesty. Keep it simple - just explain to her that, while do you like her, there's someone else who you like more. And it would be unfair of you to try to enter into a relationship with her when you can't commit yourself 100% to it. She may be upset, and justifiably so. But the sooner you do it, the less messy it will be. And honesty is most definitely your best policy.

Hurt feelings are a very real possibility of this system. You need to make sure you are prepared for that.

I've had things develop with more than one girl in my clan. Now what?

Remember that a hug, holding hands, a kiss, making out, hell, even sex, does not necessarily mean you two are committed. Figure out which of the girls is actually heading into a direction you want. Make a choice, then break things off with the rest. How messy this is depends on how much they were into you. Again, honesty is your best choice. It's crucial to figure out where she is coming from. For all you know, she's dating multiple guys.

When do I end multi-dating?/My situation didn't quite turn out like what you described...

Multi-dating is VERY variable. It all depends on you, the girls, your dating ability, and a number of factors you may not be able to control at all. Nothing is promised or guaranteed. Some of the girls may like you. All of them may. None of them may. You can date six girls and have none of them work out, or date three and have them all fall in love with you. It just depends. It will take a certain level of maturity on your end to figure out whats going on, and the best course of action in your situation.

Common Concerns...

How do I go about setting the dates?

Out of politeness to your dates, as well as your own calendar purposes (you should definitely keep a calendar if you're going to do this), you should give them at least two or three days notice before a potential date. If you want to go out with a girl on Thursday or Friday, call her on Tuesday. Next-day dates are possible, but somewhat rare. Thursday and Friday are optimal date nights, but if you're going to multi-date, you should include Saturday and even Sunday as possible days as well.

Who do I call first?

This is a question of some importance, because dating you is kind of like a first come-first serve deal. In optimal circumstances (all the girls you call are willing and available to go out that week), the girls you call last will have a very hard time finding a day that works for both of you. I would recommend rotating dates. If this week, you called a girl last and had a hard time finding a time that worked for both of you, next week call her first, so hopefully you'll be more available and will have more options. Alternating is also good in that on the odd weeks (assuming optimal circumstances), you will appear to be very busy to her, which = active social life, and no dependency issues. Also, while on your dates, actually talk to her (gasp! Imagine that) and listen. Try to get an idea of what her schedule will be like next week. If you know she's going to be pretty busy next week, you can either call her first, to find a day that will work for her, or assume that she may not have time for you and call other girls first. All up to you. If you wish, at the end of a current date you can already reserve a day for the next time. "Say, would you like to go out again next Friday?" Something like that. Just remember that cancellations do happen, and don't get too discouraged.

Should I ever double-book a day?

In general, no. Too many risks and unknowns. One day, one girl.

Should I tell the girls that I am multi-dating?

This one is sticky. It really depends on the girl. Some girls will slap you, call you a pig, storm off, and you'll never hear from them again. Other girls will actually be intrigued by this, and take it as a competition to be better than the other girls. Personally, I would say don't volunteer this info, and even if it does come up, dance around it as gingerly as possible. Even if the girl is the competitive type, talking about the other girls you're dating can really turn her off. If you do choose to talk about it, keep it extremely simple; just say "I am dating other people right now." and make it clear that although you are seeing other girls, you're here with her now because you want to be, and she has a decent shot at being the one you want to date exclusively.

Usually though, I would say not to let your playa ways come through.

How do I keep the girls from finding out about each other?

It really is a small world. And you might be in a setting where gossip travels faster than the speed of light. Like high school. You can help your own cause by being very discreet about it. As cool as it may be to be dating four or five girls at once, you shouldn't be bragging about it to all your buddies. Keep it as low-key as possible.

She however may talk about it with her girlfriends, and news may spread that way. Nothing you can do about that. But hey, if she's gabbing about you, that's good, isn't it?

You can also help your chances by picking girls who probably won't meet/don't associate, if at all possible. If you work, you probably only want to date one girl from work, if that (office relationships can be messy). If this is high school, pick girls from different cliques. If it's college, you do have a bit of freedom, but try not to pick girls in the same classes/clubs/major.

What happens if I'm on a date with one of the girls, and we run into another one of the girls?

This can actually work to your advantage if you play it right. First, don't freak out. Here is where you'll really need some of that James Bond smoothness I mentioned earlier. Definitely, introduce them to each other (if they don't already know each other - which is actually ideal). Don't give them a title. Just introduce. "Jennifer, this is Stephanie. Stephanie, this is Jennifer." It will drive both girls crazy as to why you didn't say "friend" or something else. Now, talk to the girl you just ran into. If you're dating her, you should be able to strike up a good conversation here. But keep it VERY short - a minute, two at best. Desperately avoid things like talking about your last date, or planning your next one. This will make the girl you're currently out with very jealous. After a minute or two, continue on your way. Hopefully, you're in a position where you can escape - a bad situation would be seated next to her in a restaurant, or movie theater. After separating, don't bring up the other girl. Your current girl may ask you who she was. A very good sign. Be VERY casual about it. "Her? Oh, she works in my office/I had a class with her last semester." Blow it off as much as you can.

And that's it. Good luck with your ventures into the multi-dating world! ...And if it all blows up in your face, this site, nor its owner, does not take any responsibility for your actions or the subsequent consequences.